Day 28: Something about secrets
Galadriel and Celeborn- the secret the Noldor kept from…everyone, about the Kinslaying.
Artanis/Galadriel told no one about the Oaths of the sons of Feanor or the Kinslayingnot even her new husband. Celeborn knew something was missing from the story she did tell him, as whenever they mentioned the subject of the Noldor and the Valar or of her uncle and cousins, Galadriel grew strangely quiet, as did her brothers. However, he never guessed it was anything quite so terrifying and horrible as the truth.
When the news is finally told to Thingol by Galadriel's brother, and the rest of the court finds out, Celeborn is confused and hurt that Galadriel would keep something so important from him.
I think surely Galadriel and Celeborn had heated arguments fairly frequently, especially in the First Age, (then their arguments were more subtle, or they just knew each other well enough they didn't need to really argue, they were together a long time,) but when they were done yelling at each other they would probably make up within the hour. (Passionately, if no one else was around.)
"Why would you keep this?"
Galadriel gave no answer as she watched him. He had a right to be hurt, but she had never seen Celeborn even close to this angry before, not ever.
"I have told you everything, everything!" He nearly shouted.
"You knew that I was not telling you everything." For the more his voice rose, hers grew quieter, though not weaker.
"But this!"
"We could not tell your King, how was it my place to tell you?" She told him, the best explanation of her actions she could give at the moment.
"I am not your King; I am your husband. Or does that mean nothing to you, Artanis?"
She stepped back, shocked. More than the question, the name to her was like a slap in the face. How deep did his anger have to be for him to disuse his given name for her, given on the night they had professed their love for each other? He had used no other since.
"I think that we should not discuss this any longer." Galadriel said, hardly above a whisper, and she backed from the room, turning quickly when she reached the door. Celeborn made no move to stop her.
Galadriel hurried through the long twisting halls, not entirely sure where to, her thoughts reeling. Though she was successfully holding back her tears, she was glad she met no one on her way. It was late; most should be asleep at this time, even tonight. She didn't want to go to any of her brothers, not tonight.
She found herself at Melian's chambers, and knocked on the door of her mentor's study, on the chance the Queen was there.
After the news given today it was possible she was still awake. To her surprise Melian did open the door and looked even more surprised to see her there, but she assessed the situation quickly enough and guessed the reason.
"You and Celeborn had a fight?"
Galadriel could only nod, and Melian sympathetically pulled her into a warm embrace.
"I am sorry to distract you, I know you are busy…. I hate crying." Galadriel managed when she felt tears building up.
"Tears are not weak, Galadriel, not any more than the emotions that cause them. Everything will be all right." She soothed gently. "Come, you may stay here or in one of the guest chambers for tonight, but I regret I must leave you and find the King."
Melian led her down the hall to a comfortable chamber not far from her and Thingol's own.
"I will return if I am able. In the meantime my maids will get you anything you need, and try to get some sleep, all right?"
Galadriel nodded a "thank you" and watched Melian leave before sinking into the bed, still fully clothed, trying to decide if she felt more angry or guilty, until she fell asleep, deciding on guilt.
Celeborn was trying to think or read in various places around his chambers. The couch, the window seat, at the table, the bed, he could not sit still anywhere, and he could not decide if it was anger or worry or guilt that made it so.
Eventually he decided to go find his wife, and with the help of questioning one of Melian's servants, learned where she was.
She did not answer his soft knock on the door, and he hoped it was because she was asleep, not angry or upset.
It was mostly guilt that made him restless, he realized with a pang. Though he was hurt and felt justified in his anger, he should never have said what he did.
He had called her Artanis again…what must she have thought?
Celeborn sank to the ground against the wall a few feet down from her door and buried his face in his hands. He had no idea how long he sat like that.
"Celeborn." Melian's stern voice startled him some time later, and she did not sound particularly pleased to see him here, though he noticed there was sympathy in her eyes, too. "Does she know you are here?"
Celeborn shook his head silently, and stood.
"Then you should not be." Her eyebrows rose.
"Why did she not tell me?" Celeborn asked, though he did not truly think Melian would shed much light on the subject.
"You must ask her." She answered.
"Can I trust her?" Celeborn heard the anguish in his voice, the confusion, and Melian's expression softened.
"Do you trust her?" She questioned instead.
"With my life." He answered surely. "But should I?"
"With your life." Melian told him with a hint of a smile. "Celeborn, she does not share the deceit or malice of the Sons of Feänor. If anyone knows that it should be you."
He looked up sharply, apologetically, before she continued.
"Galadriel would do anything for you. She would give her life to protect you; you are her husband. More than that, she loves you; truly, deeply and fully, and she would never do anything that would hurt you. Nor would she neglect to do anything that she thought would really hurt you by not doing."
"Then why…"
"That you must ask her. It is not my place to say." Melian told him. "But leave it until tomorrow, it is not a matter for this night."
Celeborn reluctantly nodded in agreement, and Melian made to leave.
"And, Celeborn?" She paused, and made sure he had made eye contact before she continued. "When you do ask her you must listen, do not be angry prematurely and do not assume, as you have been doing."
"I will." He promised, and she gave him a true smile.
"Good night, Celeborn." She squeezed his shoulder gently on her way past him to her own chambers.
The sun was well risen by the time Galadriel woke in the morning, and Melian had not returned. Or, if she had she had not woken Galadriel, in any case.
A quick glance in the mirror showed her she looked almost as disheveled as she felt. Her dress was wrinkled from sleeping in it, her eyes were dull from crying and her face puffy, even her hair was duller and messier than usual. Without sparing the time to fix any of this though, she decided she should return to her own chambers and find Celeborn, knowing she would not be able to do anything else first.
When she entered the hall outside, though, she found Celeborn waiting for her.
When she saw him she froze, and his eyes searched her face worriedly. Galadriel could tell he had not slept much if at all, as his eyes were greyer and less bright than usual. She did not look into his eyes, though, and relied on her mind to sense his mood. She could feel the hurt there now that his anger had faded, and felt a strong pang of guilt. Then she noticed she felt the same sentiment mirrored in him.
"Galadriel…" He started, and she finally looked up at him.
When her eyes met his she saw only worry there, none of the anger of before, and she knew she was forgiven.
"I am sorry." Celeborn's voice was hardly above a whisper. "You do not have to tell me anything, I will not ask ever again if you wish me not to. I trust you, Galadriel. I love you."
"I love you too." She crossed the distance between them in one stride and embraced him, crushing him to her. "And I will tell you everything, the full story. I wanted to move on, to forget what had been done and enjoy Middle-earth for as long as I could. I see now that I cannot, I cannot move on to that joy here until the past is dealt with. I also did not tell you because I told myself it was not my place, and that is mostly true. But I convinced myself that I only did not tell you because I could not, when I also was afraid of what you would think if you knew what my kin had done. What part I had played."
"You did nothing wrong, Galadriel. And if you had done the deeds of Feänor himself, it would make no difference to me." Celeborn kissed her brow, and she smiled at him.
"I love you." She told him again.
"And I you." He answered simply.
"Come, let us take breakfast in our chambers." She spoke after a moment. "It is a long tale I do not wish to tell in the company of others."
Galadriel took his hand in hers and together they walked, silver and gold, perfectly in sync once more.
