Chapter 28: The Patronus

Kim awoke late that morning much to her disappointment and got dressed. She assumed Diamond must have given up waiting for her and gone down to breakfast already, or maybe she'd already had breakfast, Kim wasn't sure how late it was. She flinched when she looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Every month her eyes looked older, her skin sicker and her hair got darker and darker and now it could be classified as brown. Kim missed her golden curls.

Instead of going down for breakfast, Kim headed to Umbridge's office. Donovan was sitting as his desk scribbling as usual. His floating fish swam around him fondly and he didn't even look up when one of them started to chew on the tip of his pencil. Kim coughed politely.

"Good morning Kim," Donovan said brightly and gave her a warm smile. "What can I do for you? Classes don't start for another week you know."

"Sorry to intrude on your vacation," Kim said. "I've come by to turn in my assigment."
Donovan raised an eyebrow. "I meant to tell you that you were excused from the homework," he said.

Kim shook her head. "It's okay," she said and handed him the parchment. "I've done it already, two scrolls of parchment just like you asked."

Donovan looked a little weary until he read the paper and laughed. "I see 'The End' takes up more than a page just by itself. Good work Kimberly, full marks."

Kim waited for a moment to see if Donovan might say anything else then took a breath and said what she'd really come here for.

"I want you to teach me the patronus charm," she said.

Donovan looked up from his scribbling again with a worried look on his brow. "Why do you suddenly want to learn a charm to repel dementors?" he asked.

Kim thought about telling him about the dementor in the forest but then decided against it. The story might just bring back terrible memories for him and remind him of the kidnapper that had still managed to get away.

"I just was curious," said Kim. "They've really freaked me out ever since I saw one in the woods when Lycaon and Rhea Silvia attacked."
Donovan put down his quill and stood up. "Kim, you have to understand. A patronus charm is a very complex spell that I don't usually teach until your fifth year. It takes a lot of will even to muster the tiniest bit of fog to save yourself."

Kim clenched her jaw. "So what you're saying is, I'm not old enough."
Donovan hesitated and looked away from her. Kim's eyes definitely had aged and a year ago she wouldn't have even recognized herself.

"Kim you're eleven years old," said Umbridge. "It's a very difficult spell and really I don't want you to worry that you'll ever come in contact with a dementor. We have nothing to practice on anyway. The training... supplies I use with the fifth years don't even get here until April."

"What about a boggart?" said Kim, remembering the dementor that Harry Potter can conjured during his short time as her mentor.

"That would have to be your greatest fear," Donovan said. "Do you really fear dementors more than your own transformation?"

Kim remembered waking up mid scream the previous night and being drenched in sweat. She thought of the cold and despair that filled her anytime she so much as thought of a dementor and shuttered. Her transformation weren't really something she feared anymore, it was what would come of them if she was around her friends and family and Kim didn't see how a boggart would be able to change itself into that.

"Yes," said Kim.

Donovan stood up again and sighed. "I do have a boggart locked up somewhere for the third years. Are you absolutely sure about this?"

Kim nodded. She wanted to appear more confident than she felt because facing a dementor again was not really something she ever wanted to do.

Donovan lead Kim into the classroom where he produced his wand and said a spell to unlock a cabinet. Inside he rummaged around before producing a thick briefcase which he placed on the table in the center of the room.

"Close your eyes," instructed Donovan and Kim did as she was told. "I want you to go back and picture the thing that makes you the happiest."
Kim was confused but she did her best to think hard. She thought of Christmas, any other Christmas but the last. She saw cookies and presents and that warm feeling you get around the holidays but she also saw her Grandmother in every memory she searched. Then Kim tried her birthdays. She remembered lots of different birthdays but her eleventh was the one that stood out to her the most. That was the day she'd learned she was a witch, or really it was the day after her birthday, but that day had been one of the single most important days of her life.

"Repeat after me without wands," Donovan said, "Expecto Patronum!"

Kim repeated.

"Good," said Umbridge. "Now remember that good memory. Hold it inside on the count of three, one... two... three!"

The lid of the briefcase burst open and a silvery moon rose from it's contents. Kim stared at it in bleak disappointment.

"Riddikulus!" Donovan shouted and forced the moon back into the briefcase. "Sorry Kim," he said. "But at least we know it's not your greatest fear. You'll learn the patronus spell in time."

Kim was upset. She wanted Donovan to know she was upset so she ran from the room without a rush. Her face was hot and she could feel something burning in her. Kim had to know how to perform the Patronus charm. She didn't know why or how she would learn it but she knew she had to do it. Now that she at least knew the incantation, maybe Kim could figure out a way to practice it without the presence of a real dementor.

To Kim, the forbidden forest was no longer a place of terror or even rebellion. She felt at home there in the trees and easily found her way to an enormous, thick stump. As soon as she sat down a memory flickered in her mind of a demented beast howling upon this very stump but she pushed it down and focused on pulling out her wand. She ran her thumb along the smooth tip and spiny grip. It was hard to imagine how much power a wooden stick could wield.

"Expecto patronum!" she said and pointed her tip straight ahead.

Nothing happened.

"Expecto patronum!' she said again, this time louder than before.

As she kept repeating the phase all she was doing was getting more frustrated. It was hard to focus on a happy memory when all of her thoughts were focused on how she wasn't performing well enough. Kim needed to center her mind, maybe a change of scenery would do her some good. She climbed to the top of one of the trees and clunch to one of the highest branches. It was calm and peaceful above everyone else so Kim's thoughts came more easily. She remembered finding the letter on her placemat and thinking it was a joke. Then when Donovan appeared in the fireplace it had been like a portal to a whole new world.

"Expecto patronum!" Kim yelled and the tiniest of silver wisps escaped from her wand. It was hardly visible in the winter sunlight but it gave Kim all the joy in the world. She couldn't wait to show Cherokee and Diamond.