A/N: **I uploaded this twice because I deleted the profile updated chapter so this came up as ch 51, which most of you guys already reviewed. Because I love reviews, I made this ch 52 as well** whooo, another long one. First of all, I'm really glad so many of you enjoyed 'Awake' :). I'm glad I did alright on my first attempt at smut and whatnot. So I may do more in the future if I feel so inclined ^^. But for now, this is the new chapter, and I was also really in my zone while writing it, so I thought it came out well. This is also another first for me (you'll see what I mean wen you get into it) because I've never really written Aang and Katara "interracting" if you will, this way before, so it was interesting for me to explore. Also, if you read "Stuck" I mentioned I've gained a much greater appreciation for Zuko, which you can also see hear. In fact, after rewatching a good deal of the series, I've gained a greater appreciation for all the other characters, so expect to see them more often in the upcoming chappies. Anyhow, enjoy!
I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.
As was usual these days, Aang was smiling. In his closed fist, he carried a bouquet of flowers that he'd picked just for Katara. They'd agreed that tonight, they would meet at the river that flowed down the hillside of Ember Island to spend quiet time with each other, an activity that was often hard to find space for in their now busy schedules. He passed the main house they were staying in, not paying particular attention to the activity inside. Tonight, his mind was only on the river and his much missed time with his beloved waterbender.
"Going to see Aang?" The sound of his own name from inside stopped Aang in his tracks, and out of curiosity, he moved closer to the door that opened to the main entrance of the house. It was Zuko's voice that had spoken.
"Yeah. It's been hard to get alone time with everything that's been going on." He heard Katara answer. Suddenly curious, he hopped lightly onto the rail of the porch, settling himself down to listen. This wasn't really eavesdropping, he told himself. It wasn't as though they were talking about anything of extreme secrecy. Besides, Katara had told him that she had no secrets from him.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I always feel bad because Mai gets bored of all the firelord stuff." Zuko answered in an understanding tone.
"Really? I always thought she seemed like the type to enjoy palace life and all that." Katara said, surprised.
"She does. But she likes traveling too, and even though it doesn't always seem like it if you don't know her well, she doesn't actually like to be alone. So I try to keep her company as much as I can." Aang dangled his legs off the edge of the railing, maybe this wasn't as exciting as he'd thought. They weren't talking about him anymore, so perhaps he'd just go wait by the river. He was sure she'd be out in a few minutes anyways. But then Katara spoke again, and he couldn't help but listen.
"That's really nice of you. I know I've apologized already…but I really am sorry about before, when I was so reluctant to forgive you. It shouldn't have taken that stupid revenge trip for you to gain my trust. You really are a good guy." Aang could hear a smile in Zuko's voice when he answered.
"It's alright. You had good reason to be defensive. But I've actually been wondering for a while…that guy who was the leader of the Southern Raiders, not Yan Rah, but the guy who took his place, what did you do to him to make him…move like that? I've never seen that before." Aang pulled his legs back up. Make him move? Aang's first thought was Hama and the bloodbending. But Katara wouldn't. She'd been so upset and ashamed…she wouldn't possibly use those dark abilities again, would she? It didn't make any sense.
"O-oh. It's actually…not something I like to talk about." She answered, and Aang felt as though he had been kicked in the gut. It had to be bloodbending. Katara was brimming with pride for all of her other waterbending abilities and talents. Part of him wanted to run far away now, so that he wouldn't have to hear anymore. He couldn't bear to think of Katara hurting people. But another part forced him to stay rooted to the spot in a sort of horrified fascination, and he didn't move.
"But you did it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I know there's a lot in my past that I'm ashamed of, and even though I never thought it would before, talking about it actually made me feel better." There was a pause in which Aang realized his mouth was unusually dry. He licked his lips, listening closely.
"Well, okay. Before you joined us, we were traveling through the Fire Nation, and we came across this old lady who let us stay in her inn. Her name was Hama and she was from the Southern Water Tribe. She was a waterbender who had been captured in a fire nation raid a long time ago, but had managed to escape prison. She offered to teach me what she knew about waterbending, and I learned a lot of useful things; like how to draw water from the air and from plants. But she also tried to teach me how to bend…people's blood. I didn't want to at first, but she tried to use her powers to make Sokka kill Aang with his sword. I loved Aang, even back then, and before I could even think, I…used bloodbending to make her stop, to protect him. There might have been another way, but I was too scared to think. I promised myself I'd never use it again after that…but I did, on the leader of the Southern Raiders that night, even though I wasn't completely sure he was the one. I was going to kill him that way, but-"
"You used bloodbending to try and kill someone?" Both Katara and Zuko jumped at the unexpected interruption, shocked to see none but Aang standing in the doorway, looking equally as shocked. But also…hurt, betrayed and…angry? It was rare, especially now that the stress of war was behind them, to see the avatar in anything but a pleasant mood.
"No, Aang, you didn't let me finish!" Katara said, her voice high pitched in panic. This was wrong, all wrong. Aang wasn't supposed to have heard that. Aang was supposed to be content with the knowledge that she'd spared the man who'd killed her mother, wasn't supposed to know that she'd used her darkest powers to hurt an innocent person out of the bloodthirsty desire for revenge.
"I don't need to. I can't believe you would do something like that Katara! I thought you'd thought about what I'd said about revenge, I thought you cared about always thinking things through before you tried to hurt somebody, I…I…" Aang found himself speechless, he couldn't bring himself to continue. It hurt too much to think of his Katara this way. Before he stormed the room however, he dropped the bouquet of flowers he'd been carrying unceremoniously on the floor. Tears gathered in Katara's eyes, as she knelt before the spilled blossoms, gathering them into her arms in despair.
"Katara, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" Zuko started to apologize, feeling mortified, but it was too late. Katara had run out after Aang, several flower petals scattered down the hallway. This had been his fault. If he hadn't asked her about it, Aang wouldn't have heard and their evening wouldn't be ruined, the one evening in weeks they'd had to spend alone together.
"Agh! Why do I always ruin things when all I'm trying to do is help?" He yelled to no one, only to get an unexpected response.
"That one wasn't your fault, firepants." Where Katara had been just moments ago, Toph stood in the doorframe, blowing her bangs out of her face.
"What are you doing here?" He said, sounding surprisingly less harsh than he'd expected himself to.
"I kind of couldn't help but hear the yelling. Twinkletoes doesn't get angry a lot, so it's kind of hard to miss." If there was one thing aside from her impeccable earthbending ability that amazed Zuko about Toph, it was her ability to act completely nonchalant in even the tensest situations. It was though, he had to admit to himself, somewhat relaxing if not even comforting to hear a voice of reason in the face of chaos. So, he forced himself to take a deep breath and listen. She, he'd come to realize, often had impressive insight and even wisdom for her age.
"I heard the whole thing. You were only trying to help Katara, and she just wanted someone to talk to. I could tell she'd be kind of afraid to tell something like that to Aang because she's afraid of him judging her for things like that." Toph entered the room fully to stand next to Zuko.
"Afraid of him judging her?" He questioned.
"That doesn't make any sense. Aang's the most accepting person I can think of. And doesn't she trust him more than anyone? I thought Aang already knew about what happened anyways." Toph snorted.
"She does trust him. But those two have been trying so hard to impress each other that I don't know how they keep going since I first met them. Think about it. Aang thinks Katara's like, some kind of goddess, but at the same time, he worships the belief that forgiveness, compassion, and pacifism are always the right way. And when those two things don't match up for him, he gets upset. Katara's on this pedestal to him. He thinks she's perfect, so it hurts him when she does something that to him, seems cruel. It might also be scary to him because she's always so gentle and caring to him, and he doesn't like anything to mess with that image he has of her. Therefore, she doesn't want to put him through that. But you're right, they're so close it would probably be impossible for her to keep it a secret forever. It would've come out at some point, so you shouldn't feel bad." If he wasn't before, Zuko was impressed now. Toph was twelve years old and had never, as far as he knew, been romantically involved with anyone, and yet she was able to dissect Aang and Katara's situation so easily in a way that made perfect sense.
"Wow." He said.
"You do know what you're talking about."
"Hey, I've been hanging around these guys for what? A year now? I have learned something." She shrugged easily, blinking her sightless eyes.
"But…she just ran off so suddenly. You don't think she'll at least be mad at me?" He asked.
"Nah." Toph replied.
"That's what Katara does, follow Twinkletoes. Those two are inseparable. Sometimes I think they'd die of a stroke or something if they didn't go after each other like that." Zuko smiled.
"So you think they'll be okay?"
"I guarantee it."
Katara ran, panting, down the path that went to the river. She couldn't see Aang, but every now and then she'd hear twigs snapping, and she silently cursed herself for not being as quick as the airbender. What if he didn't even let her explain? Oh, why had she used that stupid bloodbending technique in the first place? Why couldn't she just have kept her promise to herself and been what Aang wanted her to be? Aang was right, he always was. She stopped running suddenly, seeing the shadow of his familiar shape in the darkness, crouched next to the running water.
"Aang, I'm sorry, I-" She started, kneeling next to him and touching his back.
"You said you'd changed your mind." He growled. Katara flinched, the tears that had dried during her run coming back at the harshness of his voice. Aang never spoke to her this way. Aang was always so gentle and reverent when he addressed her, so fond and caring.
"I did, Aang. I didn't kill anyone. When I was about to throw ice daggers at the man who did it I thought of you and-"
"Oh, when you were already about to kill him, huh? When you were ready to take someone's life, knowing how much it hurt you when your mother was killed, knowing that you'd be doing the same thing to another family? Oh, and all after you used bloodbending on some guy that turned out to be innocent after all. What did you say after that? "oops, sorry I controlled you and twisted you around like a puppet! Sorry I used a cruel, dark, evil technique out of my own bloodthirstiness?" I thought you'd learned that lesson after you saw the monster Hama had become." Aang raised his voice now, turning to look at her with tears streaming angrily from his own eyes. For a second though, he looked as though he wished he could have eaten his words right then and there. Never, ever, had he yelled at Katara. But it was too late. The words had punctured a very deep, sensitive spot inside of the waterbender. Normally, she could be thick skinned about things that were meant to hurt, but not from Aang, not from the one who meant so much to her and was supposed to love her. The shock from the anger his words carried caused her to pause for a long moment. She was torn. Part of her wanted to just cry and run away as quickly as she could, but another part entirely dominated that primitive urge.
"I said I was sorry okay! What else do you want me to do? You did change my mind. I didn't kill anybody. I didn't even injure those men! Yes, I know I showed bad judgment that day and I shouldn't have gone out in the first place. But I thought you of all people would understand! You always talk about forgiveness and mercy, but now, you're yelling at me and insulting me even though girlfriends and boyfriends are supposed to be the easiest people to forgive! Sometimes- sometimes you can be such a self-righteous hypocrite!" She screamed, her voice louder than Aang's, the shrillness assaulting his ears and making him feel queasy. And then, a slap. A cold water whip lashed him across the face, causing him to cry out, perhaps more in surprise than pain as the whip left a smarting red mark on his face. Suddenly, it was almost as though he could see bits and pieces of himself falling into a great, dark abyss made up of all the nasty thoughts and insults Katara must have stored for him. For the first time, the silence between them was not of friendship or comfort. It was one of hurt, betrayal. Both of their faces were tear-streaked, both pairs of eyes burning with anger and fear. What had he done? Aang noticed the bouquet of flowers beside his girlfriend, blossoms turned into the dirt. And suddenly, he realized that the swelling feeling in his stomach was guilt. Guilt at insulting the one he loved, at doubting her faith in him, guilt, at running from her when they should have just talked out their differences, guilt, at being so blindly hypocritical. And hurt. Katara, the one who always stood by him and loved him had just intentionally hurt him. But she didn't run. Instead, she sat there, shaking, in anger or shock he couldn't tell, but she was sobbing softly, not meeting his eyes. Then, she looked at him. At the red mark that still felt strangely wet, at the tears in his eyes and the furrow on his forehead.
"…Aang…" Her voice was suddenly so much smaller, meek, even.
"I'm so-" Aang stopped her though, putting his hands in front of him and shaking his head.
"Don't. I'm the one who should be sorry. You were completely right, I should have forgiven you, I am a hypocrite." He sighed, brushing at his eyes. He had no right to be crying. Katara had been the one who had been cruelly mocked, her very sense of integrity challenged.
"Aang, no…no. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, I-I shouldn't have hurt you. I should've just shut up. Girlfriends aren't supposed to insult their boyfriends, or hit them, ever. Or keep secrets from them." She was still shaking, her heart beating too fast, the adrenaline not wearing off. The look on Aang's face was enough to make her start to cry all over again. He looked so confused, scared, and she realized that she must have the exact same expression. It was terrifying. Neither of them was familiar with this. What were you supposed to say when you'd just insulted the love of your life? Katara didn't have the faintest idea, but she knew that the answer couldn't possibly be to sit and stare blankly at them, hoping for something to change. So instead, she bended a small ball of water from the river and raised her hand to Aang's face, more tears falling from her eyes when he initially flinched away from her touch. The damage had been done. Regardless, she cupped his face carefully, reverently in both hands, stroking his uninjured cheek with her thumb as she healed the other one, feeling his tears fall into her palms. She kept her hands against his face longer than necessary, only bending the water back into the stream when he met her eyes, his own finally showing some of their original softness. Then, before she could even settle back into a comfortable position, he pulled her firmly against him, pressing her to his chest and resting his cheek atop her head. She trembled slightly in the embrace, turning her face into his shirt and sobbing as she brought her own arms around his back. His hands found their way into her hair, stroking the soft, brown locks.
"I'm sorry." He said softly.
"I know." Katara sniffed deeply.
"I know, I'm sorry too. I love you, Aang…I didn't mean any of that." Her voice was slightly muffled in his chest, but the words were heartfelt, and Aang could tell. His stomach still ached slightly, but he could feel the internal wound just beginning to close, even if he didn't know when it would heal completely.
"It's okay, Katara. I love you too, so much." He clutched her close, the bitterness gone from his tongue. Suddenly, he felt exhausted. Still, he kept his eyes open, swaying slightly as he held Katara under the night sky.
"I picked you flowers…" He murmured.
"I know. Thanks." She pulled back to look him in the eyes and smiled weakly. It was different now, though. There was something in that stare that had changed, something that neither of them was proud to look at, but also something that no amount of sorrys could undo. The two benders lay down side by side, and Katara reached tentatively for Aang. He took her hand, stroking the back of it softly with his thumb until she fell asleep.
"Where are they?" Sokka asked frantically, pacing across the room.
"I knew she went out with Aang last night, but she said she'd be back!"
"I think I know where they are. I'll go look." Zuko volunteered. Toph smiled slightly, waving as he left through the front door. At the end of the river path, the firebender took special care to be quiet, and when he reached the banks, stopped. Sure enough lying in the sand were Aang and Katara. The former was curled protectively around his girlfriend, his chest pressing against her back and his arm resting gently around her waist. Zuko couldn't help but smile. You know, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to just go back and tell Sokka I couldn't find them.
