Chapter 27: Iris

Ten of these ~ is a time change

Four of these • is a pov change

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the wrestlers mentioned in this story, or anything pertaining to WWE and TNA. I am well aware that the ages of the wrestlers in this fic don't match the time period of the fic. (I found it more sympathetic and believable for them to be younger, and that they'd garner more pity with a greater age difference.) I also moved AJ and Punk's marriage up a year. It was necessary to my story. Sue me. Violence, disturbing torture, blood, angst, language, slash, smut, (THIS CHAPTER) non-con/rape (in earlier chapters, mentions of rape (earlier and later chapters)

SONG: IRIS BY THE GOO GOO DOLLS

A/N: ANGIE: IF YOU'RE STILL READING BY NOW-BRACE YOURSELF. IT GETS DIRTY HERE.

And I'd give up forever to touch you,

I have a plan.

And it might just be crazy enough to work. Seth follows me up, looking concerned. "You just went away on me. What are you seeing? What's up? What's bothering you?" I can tell I'm making him nervous. He grabs my shoulder so I'm looking into those eyes again. "Dean, what is up with you? You know you can tell me."

We'd been together almost five months, and I'd thought about it every day of that time span, and today I have finally decided that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am ready. I don't know how to tell him. I want it to happen naturally, but I made it very clear to him a couple months ago that I was not ready, and I think he's prepared for me to never be ready. The biggest thing for me was the moments that would be like the basement. If I suck him off, or if I bottom, I'm worried I'll lapse into a flashback and ruin the whole thing.

cause I know that you feel me somehow.

This being my first consensual time, I want it to go right. I want it to replace the horrific memories of my first time. It's a chilly day in March, and as our plane touches down in Cincinnati for Raw the next day, I take a deep breath. We get off and grab our luggage, and lug it to one of the rentals that WWE provides for us. As I reach for the drivers side door, I hear pounding footsteps. I turn around to see Nic running towards us. "Hey guys, can you give me a lift to my hotel? Mike was supposed to share his rental with me but he's hooking up tonight… do you mind?" I smile.

"Course not. You can drive."

"Thanks, Dean. You're a lifesaver." I pile into the backseat with Seth. As Nic pulls the car out and onto the highway, I grab his hand and hold it tightly.

"What's up? You seem nervous." He whispers in my ear. Just breathe, Dean.

"I'm ready." I lean over and whisper into his hair.

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,

He turns to face me as his eyes get wide.

"Are you sure?"

"Never been more sure of anything in my life." I grip his hand tighter as Nic pulls into the parking lot of his Holiday Inn.

"Thanks again guys." He calls as he gets out of the car and grabs his suitcase from the trunk. We both get out, he takes the wheel and I sit in the passenger seat. Seth seems overly engrossed in something on his phone.

"What're you doing on there?"

"You'll see." He puts it down and drives us back onto the road. I can almost see the wheels turning in his head as we drive in silence. After a while I turn to him. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

"Is that the only response you're programmed with?

"You'll see."

"Motherfucker." I comment. He pushes my shoulder. "You gonna do something about it, smart guy?"

"You'll see." Damn. I love him so much.

and I don't want to go home right now.

I've never been much for romance and we passed up the hotel a long time ago. What's he thinking? Eventually we arrive at a bar, and my confusion deepens. "Come on." He says as he ducks out. I follow and head for the door but he pulls me to the window by my hand. "Look." I squint and suck breath in involuntarily. On the TV screen is the same wrestling match that brought me into this business. The 2001 Vengeance unification match between Austin and Jericho. It told such a story! Chris' slimy underdog victory inspired my whole character. But the match is upwards of 15 years old. Why is it in this random bar? And then I realize it isn't some random bar.

And all I can taste is this moment,

It's the same bar.

and all I can breathe is your life.

I wasn't even old enough to step into The KO Punch the last time I was here. I told Seth about it, but that was forever ago! How did he remember?

"I can't believe you did all this for me." He grips my hand tighter as the biting wind skews his hair across his face.

"Come in with me." He tugs me towards the door. I follow to find myself in a normal looking bar smelling faintly of cigarette smoke. I never got into smoking, never could afford it. They remind me too much of dad anyway. The only ones I've ever had were when I was cutting promos. We sit down and Seth buys me a beer. We watch the match quietly for a while, until he's suddenly very close to me. He whispers faintly to me, "tell me how you want this to go down." I feel my cheeks redden a little.

"Uhm…" a shiver runs down my spine as the reality sits down on me. I'm actually going through with this.

Cause sooner or later it's over,

"What do and don't you want to happen?" I take a sip of my beer and a breath.

"I want you to top. And this is about me facing my fears head on, so that's what I need to do. And I need to keep going even if I get freaked out."

I just don't want to miss you tonight.

I think I might've been the kind of guy who liked rough, nasty sex if my life had gone any other way than how it did. But the mere thought of doing that, and liking it… it's terrifying.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

"As ready as I'm gonna be." He gets up to go and I stop him with a hand on his thigh. "One more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you bring me here?"

"I thought it'd be fitting that the place you went to start your first journey… to Hawk, would be the place you came to start your next one, with me."

And I don't want the world to see me,

"You're so sweet." He smiles.

"I try. Enough talk." He leads me back to the car. My heart thumps loud enough that I think he can hear it as we drive back to the hotel. I can't believe I didn't recognize this place, I grew up a couple miles from here.

cause I don't think that they'd understand.

But then I realize how much it's changed.

When everything's made to be broken,

I wonder if the law has caught up to my old man yet.

I just want you to know who I am.

When we get there we grab our stuff, check in and get up to the 4th level, where we throw the bags to the floor. Seth pulls me closer to him and kisses me hard, hooking a foot around my ankle and making me fall to the bed. He pins my hands above my head and takes control, pushing his tongue into my mouth.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,

I follow suit, moaning plaintively as he pulls my shirt up above my head and breaks it for a split second to get his off too. I take advantage of the separation and tangle my hands in his hair, bringing him back to me.

or the moment of truth in your lies.

No turning back. He begins to undo my belt buckle and the button of my jeans. This is when I freaked out the last time… but that was months ago. I can do this. He tugs them down as I lift my hips to help him, much more than necessary. He smiles.

"Not having any trouble enjoying ourselves, are we?" I bite my lip seductively and whimper as his hand travels inside my boxer briefs. One of his legs go between mine and push my jeans off my legs. He palms me roughly as I close my eyes. He gets me hard in minutes, and after he does he sits back on his knees. "Damn." He sighs. "You're so fucking beautiful."

When everything feels like the movies,

"I'm not." I moan.

"Don't argue with me."

yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive!

"Or?"

"I'm in the drivers seat. My rules." His hand leaves my cock and I whine at the loss, craning my neck to see why he left. He puts a hand on my chest and pushes me back down. "Pleasure's all mine tonight, babe." The sound of a cover popping open makes my breath come faster, but I just wait as a wet sound follows and a finger probes at my entrance. I tense up. "Relax." It pushes in and I give a small cry of pain. I try to do what he says, but I'm afraid and I can't do it. "Dean. Relax." He says firmly. His other hand returns to my cock to put me at ease while his finger starts to move inside me. It hurts, a lot, until he hits something that ignites fireworks behind my eyes.

And I don't want the world to see me,

My breath catches.

cause I don't think that they'd understand.

"Seth," I breathe. He adds a finger and starts hitting that same spot until I'm writhing underneath him. "What is that?"

"That's your prostate, baby. Feels good, doesn't it?" I respond by moaning like a hooker in heat. "Yeah," he whispers as he gives my cock a few more pumps before getting up and walking to the side of the bed, where I lay convinced that I am unable to get up. He kicks his own jeans to the foot of the bed. He gives his length a few hard strokes before lifting me up off the bed, directing my arms behind his neck and my legs around his waist. I lock them instinctively as he kisses me, biting my lower lip. I kiss him back. Being with Seth, it's heaven. It's impossible not to get turned on. One of his hands stays cupped under my thigh, the other moves underneath me. I feel my whole body freeze up as he leans his head towards my ear and nibbles on my neck. "Breathe. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." I feel his cock prodding at my hole and I force myself to relax.

"Okay."

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah." He enters me slowly as an all too familiar pain shoots up my spine. I clutch him tight to me and bury my face in his hair, screaming into his shoulder.

When everything's made to be broken,

I whimper as he fills me and waits. "Please just go," I beg him.

"You need to adjust. It's a lot of pain to handle." I bury my face in his hair.

"Don't worry about me handling the pain. I've had plenty of practice."

I just want you to know who I am.

He runs a hand through my hair.

"Okay."

He pulls almost all the way out and thrusts back in again smoothly. I begin to lapse into my basement as the splitting pain brings tears to my eyes. I squeeze my eyes tight shut and try to block the flood of memories.

"Fuck, it hurts so bad." I mutter under my breath. He pauses.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No."

"I'll try to be gentle."

"No, don't."

"What do you want?" I dig my nails into his back and grimace, speaking before I consider the complications my words may cause.

And I don't want the world to see me,

"I want you to get this shit out. I want you to dig my dad out from under my skin and replace the emptiness with something good. Something right. It won't come out without a fight, I've been trying to for over half my life and I can't do it. I need you to rip this out of my heart no matter how much I bleed. I need you to stomp this fear flat so I can move on with my life and trust my goddamn boyfriend. I need to be able to trust the people who have proven they can be trusted. I need you to break me down to dust so I can come back whole for the first time. I need to love my boyfriend with all I have, and I can't do that until he takes the part of me that my dad owns away from him. I need you to do that. So gentle isn't gonna cut it."

cause I don't think that they'd understand.

"Okay," he whispers. How does that not freak him out?

Focus on Seth. The sound of his voice. He keeps the pace until my small cries of pain become moans and screams of his name. "Faster, harder, fuck!" Delicious pleasure takes agony's place and for the beautiful ensuing minutes my mind leaves my basement and stays with Seth.

When everything's made to be broken,

"Oh my god," I moan, raking my blunt fingernails down his back. My cock trapped between our stomachs creates the most amazing friction, it's like nothing I've ever experienced. It's all too much and I cum explosively all over both his abs and mine with a cry of his name. He follows not too long after inside me as he screams mine. He leans forward to set me down on the bed and pulls out carefully, breathing hard and collapsing next to me.

"Damn." I sigh.

"Good?" He asks the otherwise empty room.

"Fucking unbelievable."

I just want you to know who I am.

"Seth, I think you might want to sit down for this."

"Okay?" He sits cross-legged on the bed and looks at me with confusion.

"It's kind of scary. No, it's really scary. And I can't figure this out by myself, but I think if we get enough people together we might be able to stop it."

"Stop what?"

"I'm getting to that. So I lied to you this morning, because I didn't think I had a choice. I wasn't out because I couldn't sleep, and I didn't have a flashback. I had a panic attack and I passed out, but not because of that. I was in an alley at 4 am because Hunter told me to meet him there, and it wasn't a request, it was a threat. I was supposed to come alone. Seth, this is bad stuff." I sit down next to him and he turns sideways to face me. I don't want to end up collapsing because of this shit. "So he tells me I have a choice. The first option he gave me was that he would bury you, do irreparable damage to your career, ruin your dream. Naturally I said I wouldn't pick that. But get this—this other option is where it gets fucked up. He wants me to rape CM Punk."

I just want you to know who I am.

Seth kind of turns white at that.

"Rape?" He whispers.

"Yeah, I know. So at first I try to reason with him that you'd understand, and you wouldn't want me to pick your career over raping someone."

"And I would."

"But then it gets worse. He tells me he has means to 'annihilate him', a thousand times worse than I would. And he tells me that Punk's not exactly 'one hundred percent'. You know what that means?"

"What?"

"He's keeping Punk somewhere. He's hurt him already. I don't know where, I don't know why, but Hunter wants to hurt him in the worst possible way. He said he might kill him if I didn't do it." I fish the picture out of my pocket and hand it to him, raking my hands through my hair. He raises his eyebrows and looks at me incredulously.

"Wha…"

"I have no idea."

"Does he know about your dad?"

"He does now."

"You told him?"

"He manipulated me into telling him. He had to have known already. He asked all the right questions, pushed all the right buttons. I don't know how he knew, but he also said he knew that I top, and I have no earthly idea how he'd know that. He knew it all. He knew I was scared to go all the way, I started out bottoming, I top now, all of it. It was so scary, Seth."

I just want you to know who I am.

"He knew what?!"

"I know. He's a sick fucking bastard. He said if I told you, the deal was off, he'd bury you and smear Punk across a wall, possibly even take his life. At first I got really pissed and got up in his face, but he ended up pushing me down and then I realized there was nothing I could do, that getting mad wouldn't make him change his mind. I really freaked out cause I felt completely hopeless. I couldn't think of anything I could do to solve it, like I didn't have any alternative. The last thing I wanted to do was rape Punk. Rape anyone. I was going to end up just like my dad. The last thing I ever wanted was to end up like that filthy excuse for a man. I know what rape is like, it's awful, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I was certain I was going to have to do it to one of my best friends. The thought was unbearable. Hunter gave me an address and told me to go there at two in the afternoon Friday." Seth shifts so he's next to me and puts his arm around me, leaning his head on my shoulder. I keep staring at the wall as I keep talking, I think he can sense I'm on the verge of another attack. As my breath gets exceedingly faster, I do my best to get out my plan. "But I just had an idea. Hunter will never know that I told you. And I have today, tomorrow and half of Friday before I have to be there. So there's good news and there's bad news." I clench my fists, this is getting really hard. Seth holds me tighter and I take a deep breath, telling myself it's almost over. "Good news is that I might be able to save him. We might be able to save him. We can get some guys together and I'll go in alone, and then the rest of you can storm the place a couple minutes later and we should be able to overpower whoever is there. Bad news is, I'm going to need all of that time to get people together, and during that time Hunter will be doing God-knows-what to Punk. More bad news is, we are fucked if that plan doesn't work." By this point I'm getting dizzy and gasping for air that I can't seem to get enough of. Seth leans up off of me and places my head on his shoulder. His arm wraps tightly around my waist and the other starts stroking my hair.

"Shh. Dean, you have to calm down. We can find a way to fix this. Shh, you're not going to end up like your dad. You're not going to rape anyone. I'll help you figure it out. You're not going to have to do this alone. I will never leave you alone." Choked sobs start coming between labored gasps and I completely lose track of my train of thought, where I am, what's going on. Oh God, I think, here we go again. "Dean," his voice gets firmer, "look at me, focus on my voice." I find his eyes but I'm still freaking out, what happens if it doesn't work, what happens if Hunter kills Punk, what happens if we can't find anyone to help, what if they overpower us, what if it's too late when we get there, what if we save Punk and he ends up broken beyond repair? "Dean, listen to me! You have to slow your thinking down. Dean!" He turns my shoulders sideways so they're facing him. "It's not real, try to rationalize. You're having an attack, you know nothing is ever as bad as it seems it is when you have one of those. We will find a way. I will make a way. He's my friend too, it's not hopeless, we aren't helpless, we can do this." I start taking deeper, slower breaths and try to listen to Seth. He is right, he knows what he's talking about, I just have to think more realistically. He can fix me. He's always been the only one who could. I push everyone away, Hunter's right about that. But Seth is different. Seth is the first and only person in my life to care about me and my well being. I will do anything for him. But he'd do anything for me too. I've never experienced that before. I always fall so hard and give my all and I never get shit in return. By the time I met him, I was through loving. I only ever got hurt. But he changed me. He made me a better person. I reach out and hold onto him like he's my only hope which, in a world that's left me all alone, he is. "Listen, I know your dad is a cruel, sadistic prick and he scarred you for life. I know you hate his fucking guts. I know thinking about what he did to you or doing that to someone else sends you into panic. But you're better than that, you're better than him. He doesn't have power over you anymore and you are not going to end up like him. You will never end up like him. You are a smart, compassionate man and you have a conscience, which is more than I can say for your father." I lean into his shoulder and stare at the sheets below us. "You are not your dad and you never will be. So calm down. We'll get him out of there." I hold him against me and whisper brokenly into him,

"What're we going to do?" He lifts my head up and wipes tears off my face with the sleeve of his shirt.

"We're going to call people. People who love him as much as we do. Even people who don't, because everyone in this business respects him. No one wants to see something like this happen to him. We're going to use that to our advantage, because this is going to inspire fierce determination. A lot of guys already hate Triple H, and they'll be happy to have any excuse to kick his ass. Here, let's make a list, and write down what we're going to say." I take a deep breath.

"Okay."

I just want you to know who I am.

A/N: Thank you for a thousand views! I never thought I'd get to where I am today with this story. I never could've done it without you. Your amazing reviews (I'm looking at you, rollinsforever) and sweet comments are such a blessing.

A/N: My Dean is different than the way most people write him in this story. All the wrestlers are. I hope to give insight to what goes on behind those big muscles and cocky attitudes. People can't stay strong forever. So my Dean seems strong on the inside, but all his demons make him fall apart sometimes. That's in every person. We act strong all the time, but we all have our weak moments. So Dean has those, in the same way that everyone else in my story does. Jeff and Punk, and later you'll see that Nic and Matt and others have a vulnerable side, just like everyone does. Wrestlers are still mortal human beings. I try to bring that into my writing.

A/N: I have a pet peeve that I have to keep all the canon related things in my story factual. So, Vengence 2001 would've been right after Dean's actual 16th birthday, which is when he ran away and saw this match through a bar window in my story.

A/N: I literally had to keep a chart to keep track of what day it was. Please don't get as confused as I was trying to figure this out. I tried my best to simplify it.

A/N: This is my very first time writing a normal ass sex scene between two consenting parties. It was very weird and awkward for me to write (as a virgin myself) I can only hope it doesn't read that way. I learned all I know from reading other people's smut and slash. I'm sorry if it's rushed or weird. I wanted to put this in, I'm sorry if it's bad. Please be kind.

*whistles* that's a lot of author's notes. Sorry bout that.
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