A/N: Please listen to Self Conclusion by The Spill Canvas for the first half, and then at the page break Down by Jason Walker, and then at the last page break, Medicine by Daughter.
Chapter twenty six- Self Conclusion
Shaun's hands ran across the soft fabric of her bed as she moved about her room. This would be the last time she would stand in the home Joel had bought for them. The last time she would rest her gaze on the extensive wardrobe or the jewels.
With a deep breath she paused in front of her full length mirror. Not too long ago when she saw her reflection a broken girl stared back, her features sullen, her eyes dull with hopelessness. Now as she studied the woman before her she saw someone strong, someone determined, and someone who would avenge everything that was done to her. Shaun wouldn't miss the clothes, the jewels, or the wealth. The only thing she was concerned about was changing the fate of her family.
Brushing the curls from her face she pinned them securely in a messy bun and smiled. Ursula had dressed her in the most expensive gown she owned as Shaun instructed, and ordered the chef to cook Joel's favorite supper.
The sun dipped behind the horizon as she glided down the steps to the dining room. Candles flickered in the dim room illuminating the feast donning the cherry table. At the end stood Joel, dressed in his best, a glass of wine clenched in his fist.
"You look breath taking." He said his tone barely above a whisper. She smiled gently as she moved towards her place beside him.
"So do you." He forced a smirk as she sat down. Tensely he seated himself and took a long drink. He jerked at her touch as she entwined her fingers with his. "Don't." she whispered leaning toward him. "I don't want our last dinner to be like this." His laughter bubbled out his throat and past his lips before he could stop it.
"What did you expect Shaun?" he snapped pulling his hand from her grip. "In hours you're going to commit murder, and possibly die yourself. Did you think I would be happy? You're my wife, I'm in love with you, and I have to sit here and accept something I don't want to accept!" he slammed his fists knocking the silverware on the floor. "Dammit Shaun!"
"Joel, can I tell you a story?" she asked her voice calm and soothing. Gritting his teeth he accepted her gentle touch on his arm before releasing a sigh.
"Go ahead."
"William Manchester's maze had tested every part of my being. It played to every emotion I had ever felt, and had nearly left me broken and alone. When I had found the end of dark rooms and endless passages I found the finale of my suffering. I had walked in confident that I would save the life of someone I loved and realized I was powerless. Manchester had held all the cards since the beginning and I was standing there gazing at two people I cared about standing on a tiny box. A box that if kicked would kill them."
"Shaun, how is this relevant?" Joel inquired shakily pouring himself another drink. "Do you want me to feel worse for not saving you then at the garden party?"
"No Joel, this isn't a guilt trip."
"Then what is it!" he snapped.
"Just listen, I'm not finished yet." He narrowed his eyes and gestured angrily for her to continue. Smiling she turned her attention to the empty plate before her. "I'll continue if you at least eat a little. I had this ordered especially for you."
"You are unbelievable Shaun Kenneth. You're begging me to eat your last meal with a smile on my face."
"No, not with a smile." Angrily he served himself a little of everything and took a large bite.
"Happy?" he growled. "Now finish."
"I had to choose between Spot and my friend, Abigail, on who would live and who would die." Joel paused in his sad attempts at eating his supper. His gaze softened from justifiable anger to disbelief.
"I had thought I couldn't pick between them, but the truth was I had already known who it would be. Abby was my friend, I cared about her, but I was in love with Spot Conlon. I couldn't leave that maze alive without him. He had taught me everything about living, and about the pain of doing so."
"Shaun," Joel whispered dropping his fork. "Please,"
"Just wait." She grasped his hand. "Before I made my choice I saw something that was almost too much to bear, that confirmed my love for him. Acceptance. He accepted death before he even knew my decision. He accepted dying so Abby could live, and he would forgive me." Shaun paused to catch her breath.
"So Spot's a better man than me then? Because he accepted that he would die? Is that what you're telling me?" Joel's tone was bitter.
"You're missing the point. Look at me." It took him a few moments but he finally locked his gaze on hers. Gently she rested her hand against his cheek. "I am not afraid, I am not angry, I accept everything that will happen from this moment on. If you feel guilt don't. Abby looked at me with acceptance before she died too. If I learned anything from them it was that. To accept what you cannot change." Joel wrapped his fingers around hers leaning his face into her warm palm.
"Killing your parents can be changed. Dying can be changed; you're making those decisions Shaun. No one else is playing you like a chess piece anymore." She smiled.
"Do you believe in fate Joel?" Shaun whispered. He stared at her confusion clouding his eyes.
"What?"
"I think its fate. I think everything from day one has been fate."
"I don't understand."
"Spot rescued me from death the first time, you gave me a reason to believe at the garden party, and Manchester gave me the one person who would always be my beacon in the dark, and after, your love gave me someone who could rescue Mattie from my parents hatred. See, it's always been planned."
"I don't know if I believe that." He responded finally pulling away from her. "Because fate should have given you to me only."
"No, that's not how fate works Joel, it works against what you want and works for what you need."
"Your story won't make me accept your choices."
"And I don't want it too. I just want you to understand how I think." Shaun checked the time and sighed. Carefully she stood dropping her napkin on the table. "Thank you Joel, for everything."
"It's time then?" he asked standing as well.
"It's time." Sighing he stared into the determined blue eyes of the woman he was in love with. He would never admit it because it would give Spot credit, but he had changed her. Somehow Shaun was a different person for knowing him. She had become stronger, and confident. If only Joel had been the one to change her. "Do you remember your part?" she wondered causing him to smile.
"I won't forget." He moved toward her wishing he could kiss her one last time. She wouldn't kiss him again, no matter how much he pleaded, that he knew. Shaun was Spot Conlon's now and he knew that. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him tenderly on the cheek.
"You're the best friend I could ever have," she whispered. "I love you." He stood touching the place where her lips once were staring at the empty space in front of him. Shaun Bennett was gone.
Her steps were crisp and precise as she moved along the sidewalk. At first glance she was a determined woman, one of wealth, simply taking a walk, but inside she was nervous. Shaun knew she'd finish what she started there was no doubt in her mind, or her heart.
However her fingers were gripping her skirts adamantly as she attempted to catch her breath. Everything that had played out in her mind was happening, at this very moment. While she made her way to the financial district where Joel's office was located, her parents were already waiting under the impression Joel was offering them an out. Smiling she felt her heart flutter at the joy she would feel pulling the trigger of the gun she now carried.
It wasn't long until she stood in front of the large building, the brick walls reaching toward the night sky. She wished she could see the stars. Closing her eyes she thought briefly of Spot wondering if he would do as she asked. Hoping he would be there. Gritting her teeth she grasped the brass handles and entered the skyscraper.
Inside the marble floors were perfectly polished and all she could smell was leather and cigars. Quickly she climbed the stairs until she reached the glass doors etched in gold Joel's company name. Once inside the office she greeted the few gentlemen she requested Joel station there. She wanted them to hear the murder; it was all part of the plan. Smiling she curtseyed receiving embarrassed bows in return.
"I appreciate your willingness to be here this evening, I suspect you all had something much better to do." She stated sweetly.
"Oh, of course not ma'am."
"Joel should be along shortly, if you don't mind, I think I'll go in." The gentlemen nodded and opened the door for her. Slowly she stepped into the large conference room and smiled at Beth and James Kenneth. Her mother's eyes narrowed significantly as she studied Shaun.
"I'm surprised you have the gull to come here." Beth seethed watching her daughter smile cheerfully.
"Out of jail so soon mother?"
"So help me…" she trailed off as James rested his hand on her arm.
"Where's your husband?" he inquired smiling just as cheerfully.
"Oh, you won't be seeing him." Shaun turned and locked the doors before placing her bag on the table.
"Excuse me?" James asked his smile fading.
"I think you heard me. He won't be coming." She repeated pulling the legal agreement from her purse. "The impression you were under is actually wrong. This meeting was called for my purposes only."
"And what purposes could you possibly have?" James snapped eyeing the documents suspiciously.
"Oh James, I'm sure you've noticed I don't harbor any feelings towards you and mother. And I'm sure you've figured I have Joel wrapped around my finger. He'll do whatever I tell him."
"And you're telling me this because?" he crossed his arms defensively.
"I told him to buy your company, I told him to drain you financially. Simple as that." She sat in a plush chair across from them and smirked. James's eyes matched her mother's as he eyed her with disdain. "And now, you'll do as I say." James burst into laughter as he leaned back in his chair. His sudden mirth was infectious as Beth joined in.
"Do as you say?" Beth spat, "What makes you think that?" Shaun turned the papers and slid them across the table toward her parents.
"Sign those."
"What are they?" James asked still amused from her previous comment.
"It releases custody of Matthew to Joel, making him his legal guardian, and leaving you with no rights over him whatsoever." James snorted before flinging them back toward Shaun.
"Forget it. Matthew is my biological son. What makes you think I'd sign him over to you?"
"You're not signing him over to me, James, you're signing him over to Joel."
"Stop calling me James. I'm your father!" he yelled slamming his fists on the table. "When did you get so haughty? Just because you're married to a Bennett does not make you someone Shaun, you are still just as worthless as you were before." It was her turn to laugh as she stood.
"Actually father," she emphasized the endearment, "I'm worth so much more than you think."
"Shaun stop playing and get Joel, I'm tired." Beth droned yawning as if she were bored.
"Did you both think I wouldn't find out?" she asked her voice calm and deadly.
"Find out what?" James snapped.
"That you sold me to William Manchester?" Suddenly her parents were silent. They had been caught. "Well?" she pressed turning to face them, but this time she held the gun. Her mother gasped throwing back the chair as she stood.
"What are you doing!" she yelled eyeing the weapon wearily. James was on his feet as well his hands held up in defense.
"Shaun," he started.
"Answer my question." She repeated slowly. James swallowed as he watched the gun carefully.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He answered. Shaun clenched her teeth as she stared at them.
"You're pathetic." She whispered grabbing the documents and pushing them towards him once more. "Sign."
"Just do it James." Beth urged her eyes no longer filled with hatred or confidence. For the first time Beth's expression was one of fear. Shaun loved watching her mother squirm underneath her gaze as James tentatively picked up the pen.
"What do you get out of this?" he asked pausing.
"Unlike you, I love my brother. I want the best for him. Matthew was the only person in your household that loved me. And I'll do anything to ensure he gets everything he deserves. Sign." Shaun demanded pointing the gun at the document for emphasis. Quickly James printed his signature on every page before shoving them at her.
"Done, now let us go." He demanded crossing his arms once more. Beth held onto his forearm hiding behind him. What a coward Shaun thought as she placed the papers far from them.
"That's not my intention, father." She responded.
"What?" her mother gasped.
"I want answers. I want the truth." She faced them once more. "Did you think I wouldn't find out you sold me to Manchester?"
"Who said anything about selling you?!" Beth screeched her eyes still encased in fear. Rolling her eyes Shaun produced the paper she had taken from Manchester's Leger Smoothing out the wrinkles she placed it in the middle of the table cocking an eye brow as she studied her parents.
Carefully James reached forward, his eyes watching the gun before snatching the document towards him. His eyes scanned it before shakily passing it to Beth. She raised her chin in defiance once she had finished reading and crumpled it. "So what?" she spat. Shaun smirked shaking her head a fraction of an inch as she tapped the gun against side.
"Even when I provide proof, still you have nothing to say."
"What is it you want to hear Shaun?" James interjected snatching the ball of paper and chucking it across the room. "You already know how we feel! We hate you! I hate you! Every single part of you! You're an abomination, a bastard, a child that shouldn't have been born! And every day I had to watch you prance around watching those expressions on your face turn into his." This was the first time Shaun had heard James express any kind of sincere emotion apart from beating her. She flashed a smile out of respect.
"Please, continue," she gestured graciously.
"Did you think I could love the child that is another's?"
"I don't know, James, I don't know what I thought. Apparently I thought you'd be a decent human being and refrain from beating the living day lights out of me. Opps," she clenched her teeth to stop the prickle of tears. "My mistake."
"You don't understand what you're talking about Shaun." He whispered his tone vehement.
"Then tell me! Explain! I've only lived half my life in the torment of punches and broken ribs! How about now, let's talk it about now!" she was waiting for the men Joel had paid to knock on the door, but it was silent. Maybe he had made his own part of the plan. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts she focused on her parents once more.
"Your father was a bad man," Beth began stepping out from behind James. "He forced me…"
"Forced you?!" Shaun screamed. "Forced you to what?! As far as I'm concerned he was in love with you. He wanted to marry you, he was supposed to. But you, you couldn't stand being a poor Irish immigrant for the rest of your life. So why not fuck the publisher's son and gain prosperity." Beth gasped at her vulgar language.
"How do you…"
"I saw him mother, I talked to him. I know Shaun! I know my name sake! And he is not a bad man! No more of your lies! Why did you sell me?!" the tears were seeping into her skin as her parents blurred. "I'm your daughter, why do you hate me?!"
"Don't tell her anything Beth. Let's just get out of here."
"Don't move James or I swear to God I will shoot you dead."
"Go ahead," he laughed extending his arms. "You're bluffing! You have your papers! Now we're leaving." He grabbed Beth's arms and moved to leave. Gritting her jaw Shaun took aim and pulled the trigger. The bullet landed squarely between his eyes. Those hate filled orbs rolled up towards the sky as the blood trickled down his nose. With a resonating thud he hit the ground face forward. Beth shrieked jumping back her eyes wide with horror. Laughter bubbled up Shaun's throat as she watched her mother crumple to her knees. The banging began on the conference room doors.
"You…monster." Beth whispered as she reached her shaking hands toward James's dead body.
"Answer my question mother." Shaun whispered sweeping around the table to stand before her. Slowly she kneeled on the other side of her step father and caught Beth's terrified gaze. "Answer."
"I hate you."
"Tell me something I don't know." Shaun breathed.
"And I hate myself for hating you." She stared at her as Beth took a shuddering breath. "I honestly did fall in love with James." She smiled weakly as she rested her gloved hand on his back. "He was charming, and clever, and someone that didn't see my future set in stone. My parents wanted so much from me. But I didn't come to America to be an Irish house wife."
"Get to the point." Shaun snapped. She wished it didn't have to be under the barrel of a gun her mother would finally be honest, but it had to be. This was why Shaun could never love her either.
"When you were born I tried, I tried so hard to love you, to hide the fact you were Shaun's child. But I couldn't! I hated myself for leaving him! I hated myself for the expression on my mother's face as she watched me leave. She hated me. For the first time my mother was ashamed of me! I married a rich man with everything to offer us, and she refused! I didn't want to be poor! I didn't want to die at 35 and never live life! I am so much more than an Irish immigrant, Shaun, I am so much more than a poor factory girl."
She sobbed as she clasped her hands in James's suit jacket. "James saw that. He knew. Our first few years of married life was my happily ever after. And then you grew up, and you started to look like him. You were O'Connell through and through. There was no doubting it."
"Open this door!" they both turned to the pounding. "Open this door now Mrs. Bennett! Or we will force our way in!"
"Hurry up!" Shaun snapped. Beth took a deep breath as she regained her thoughts.
"He began to hate me, refuse to talk to me; it was a miracle that Matthew was born since he refused to touch me. Soon enough I was nothing but a nameless ornament. Strung on his arm at parties, and collecting him from lost poker games. We lost our money, and you, you kept smiling, kept growing." She grabbed Shaun's collar catching her by surprise. "You were everything I wanted to be!" she screamed catching her off guard.
"What?" she gasped.
"You're beautiful and perfect, kind, loving, smart, with so much I could never give. I hate you for being better than me, I hate you for being the best thing I've ever made, I hate you for reminding me of the person that I am, and I hate you for being the best part of me."
Shaun's hands shook as she shoved her away and stood. Beth smirked as she stood as well wiping the tears from under her eyes. The crimson of the blood was striking on her pale face. "The truth hurts, Shaun."
"If it makes you feel better, I hate everything about you."
"I figured. Since I answered your question answer mine."
"What could you possibly ask me?" They jumped at the sound of someone throwing themselves against the door. The muffled sound of voices alerted Shaun to how close the time was. Her mother should be dead by now, and she should be running.
"Why are you killing me? Why did you kill him?" she pointed to James.
"Isn't it obvious?"
"You married the richest man in the city, you have Matthew, you've gotten your happily ever after. Now you'll probably be sentenced to death for our murder. Why throw it all away?"
"I was sentenced to death when you sent me to Manchester." Beth laughed tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
"Yes, you might have been."
"You knew?" Shaun gasped gripping her gun.
"I knew."
"And you didn't stop him?!"
"No."
"Why?! And you call me a monster?!"
"Because I was punishing myself."
"I don't understand."
"The worst pain I ever felt was when I thought you were dead."
"Shut up!" Shaun screamed, "Shut up you liar!"
"No, Shaun, I may hate you, but you'll always be my daughter."
"Shut up, shut up!" she stepped back resting her back against the wall. "You want to know why I'm killing you! Because you don't deserve life! You signed your death sentence when you sent me to die! I saw people, mother, innocent people dying by the hands of a true monster. A man who cared nothing for life! He murdered people, he murdered my friend, he almost killed the love of my life! And what did I see when he made me play God? Made me pick who lives and dies? I saw acceptance of how unfair things were in the eyes of people so much more deserving than you!"
She lunged forward grabbing her mother's dress and yanking her toward her face. "I knew after I saw how you sold me to hell's incarnate what I had to do. I knew when I saw how sick Mattie was you'd never change. You deserve life just as much as Manchester did. And guess what? He's dead."
"Is that so?" she whispered.
"That's so Mother. You are worthless; you are the worst person I know. And as far as my fairy tale goes? It's waiting for me at Brooklyn Bridge."
"So I take it you don't love Joel?" she laughed bitterly as Shaun shoved her away. "Aren't you and I just the same, Shaun?" she inquired. "Hurting those we love?"
"The difference between you and me is," Shaun lifted the gun and cocked it. "I've always been honest with myself."
And she pulled the trigger.
Her mother's body fell at her feet, lifeless and silent forever. The doors behind her burst open to reveal the police force. They stood in disbelief at the massacre in front of them. Shaun spun and rested her eyes on Joel's. His showed no surprise as he nodded for her to continue. Dropping the gun she surged forward shoving them aside.
"Mr. Bennett!" the sheriff called clasping him on the shoulder. "Mr. Bennett, did Shaun do this?" Slowly Joel turned to stare at the bodies of his in laws.
"This is my fault." He gasped raising his hand to his mouth.
"Sir?"
"The maids told me she was crazy, they told me she was losing her mind, but I, I thought she was just coming to get custody of Matthew Kenneth." Carefully he entered the conference room and found the document by her purse. "If I had known then I wouldn't have had these drawn up." He sunk to his knees grasping his head. "Find her!" he screamed. "She's my wife, she needs help! Find her!"
"Where should we look sir? She'll be anywhere!"
"I don't know, I…" he trailed off staring at the legal documents. "Brooklyn."
Shaun could barely breathe as she dashed through Manhattan. Thankfully the financial district was near the bridge. Huffing as she reached the beginning she swore not to stop until she was just a few ways across. Not too close to Manhattan but nowhere near the middle. This was where Spot was supposed to meet her. Once she reached the lamp post she stopped catching her breath. Spot was nowhere to be found. Biting her lip she spun around her heart racing.
"Please." She whispered checking behind her. Joel was to send the police after her, they would be here soon. "Spot." She raised her face to the sky and pleaded. As if she deserved him.
"Fancy running into you here." She jumped at the sound of his voice and turned slowly. "Didn't we already talk about suicide Bridge Girl?" he ran his hand along the railing as he moved closer. "Anywhere but here, remember?"
"Who said anything about suicide?" she whispered watching him in disbelief. He came. The love of her life came.
"Mm," he smirked. "You don't have a good track record."
"How would you know?" he paused before her his blue eyes boring into hers.
"I think we met here once before." He breathed.
"Spot, I wish I had enough time to explain everything to you, but I don't." she glanced over her shoulder for good measure.
"When have we ever had enough time?" he asked following her gaze. "Who you waiting for, your husband?" his tone was bitter.
"I don't love him, I've never loved him. Not like that." She turned back reaching for his hands. He did not pull away.
"I'm about to make my final decision Spot, and the only person I need with me is you. You have no idea how much pain I was in. How much I love you. Without you I'm empty, nothing, worthless, lost, broken, tainted, but with you, with you I'm…"
She took a deep breath searching his eyes. "Perfect. Whole. Everything."
His breath caught as he studied her face, saw the sincerity in every line. "There's nothing I can do to rewind what I did, nothing I can do to fix the pain I caused, but all I ask you," she stopped at the piercing sound of sirens. They both looked towards the faint glow as the police caught up with her.
"Shaun, what did you do?" he asked eyeing her suspiciously.
"Time, Spot, time." She whispered, "All I ask of you is to trust me, to let me possibly, if we're lucky, have a lifetime for me to make it up to you. Please."
He stared at her clenching and unclenching his jaw. Begrudgingly she released his hands as she backed towards the railing. "I can't stay here, not anymore." He watched in shock as she began to climb onto the railing. "Trust me, Spot, trust me and come with me." She turned facing him as she held onto the lamp post.
"You expect me to jump off this bridge with you?"
"You won't have to worry about clean up."
"Not funny." The sirens were closer, they could see the vehicles.
"We may survive, if you trust me, if you follow my lead. I've planned this out Spot." The last tears she may ever cry fell onto her outstretched hand. "I love you Spot Conlon, forever and always. I am no longer Shaun Kenneth, no longer Shaun Bennett, I gave it all up. The only person I am now is Shaun, your Shaun."
Laughing he lunged forward grabbing her hand and tugging her into his arms. His lips met hers in a sigh of contentment as he spun her around. When they broke apart she smiled as his own tears mingled with hers.
"I love you too." He pulled her with him as he started to climb. "I'll follow you anywhere Shaun, even if it means jumping off this bridge." He turned and helped her up beside him. "If we survive you owe me one hell of an explanation." She laughed freely, loudly, drowning out the sheriff as he jumped from his carriage.
"Can you hold your breath for a long time?"
"I think you know the answer." He winked suggestively.
"Mrs. Bennett don't jump, wait!"
"Follow my lead." she breathed.
"With my life." He kissed her cheek as he tangled his fingers with hers. "I love you, always and forever." he responded as he inhaled her scent.
"One." She sobbed squeezing his hand as the breeze blew her unruly hair across her face.
"Two." He stated calmly running his thumb along the back of her hand.
"Three…"
THE END
A/N: Wow...I can't even explain how I feel right now. I guess I can't believe it's over! I will honestly say I'll miss Shaun and Spot, and the newsboys. They'll always have a special place in my heart.
I'm leaving their fate and everything else left unexplained to your guys's imaginations! I hope you enjoyed my songs, and this story. I appreciate every single review I've gotten, and for everyone who read and supported this story. It really means a lot. So if you could all review one more time and let me know what you think I'd appreciate it!
Truly,
~Morbidlyartistic
