Thanks so much for the follows, faves, and reviews! I love each and every one of you! Seriously, I do!

NightElfCrawler: Oh yes, Ren's temper is going to put him in some tough situations in the future. Some turn out well, while others... not so much. Its an aspect of his personality that never leaves him, making him unpredictable. Thanks for understanding that it's going to take a while longer for chapters to be published. Slow and steady is my new mantra! But I don't want the story to take forever to finish. Thanks so much for the encouragement! The Sorrowful Deity: What an apt description! Expect a few more twists and turns. Muahahaha... Natalie-S-246: Thanks! Jess will get to a place were she's okay. Ren hasn't done anything outright horrible to her, even though it would be easier for her to hate him if he did. Jess is one of the rare people who has seen Ren's humanity and that will be interesting for Ren to interact with her. Oh C-3PO... Always getting in the way! Guest 2: Yup, Poe is very perceptive as to what is going on between Ren and Rey. Although, he does think things have progressed farther than they actually have. Which is understandable, given the fact Rey stays in his room every night. That Reylo moment did get hot pretty fast and there might be more to come. ;) On that note, I wanted the sexual side of their relationship to be slow as they get to know each other. Both are guarded people and I wanted their relationship to be the type that didn't jump the gun on the whole sex thing. But... everyone's patience will soon be rewarded. lol. Hope the Reylo scenes in this chapter are to your liking! KatMichBow: Hux and Carise? Who knew... Glad you ship it! lol This chapter is probably not as happy as the others, but things need to happen. Ren and Finn are on that journey of working it out and who doesn't love BB-8! I'm glad you didn't see the Jess thing coming. I have been waiting forever to reveal that! About the general and Ben, you shall see where that is sort of going in this chapter. I try not to make the characters puppets, cause I've noticed that some in other fics and it annoys me. I want the characters to think and react, and most the time it's in a way I didn't want them to! Which makes writing the story frustrating at times. Why can't they do what I want them to do! lol But that's life for ya. Thanks for the review! SheLitAFire: Man, I don't know if I want everyone to read this. I'm so new to all this and still feel self-conscious about my writing, which I know I need to get over. My sister has seen your reviews and has been really pushing me to enter the story in some type of competition. I think I will when its all done a re-edited. Anyway, Thanks so much for loving it and thinking other Star Wars fans should read it! I don't think I'll revisit Snoke's pov in the future, but hey, you never know. It was difficult to get in that characters head. I was wondering if anyone was going to immediately figure out the Jess and Ren thing right when they read her reaction to him. Good job! I'm loving the bromance between Ren and Poe too, and now that Finn and Ren are tolerating each other, Finn will slowly join the group. Poe is for sure flirty! Even if he doesn't mean to be, its just his personality to flirt. Anyone recall how he stripped in front of Rey and Ren on Spira before going into the ocean? But we will see a more serious side to him, because this is a war, after all. And lets all take a moment to pray to Rian Johnson that he will do an amazing job with episode eight and make Reylo happen... AMEN. cumbercookieja: Thanks for loving the story! I hope this chapter was worth the wait for you... although, I have a feeling people are not going to like where it leaves off. Eek!

Before reading the chapter, there are some terms you should probably know. I bring up the animal Reek, which is that rhinoceros looking creature in Attack of the Clones. Then I use "druk" which is another term for shit in the Star Wars universe. Anyway, onto the chapter! Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-eight

"Jess!" Poe called out, running through the long hallways and narrow corridors. Somehow, her capabilities of running had upgraded into an award-winning sprinter. By no means was Poe fast, but he was a guy, so he figured he'd be able to catch up with her by using his bigger mass of muscles.

That was a no-go.

He caught glimpses of her fast figure and from the direction she was taking him, knew she was going to her room. Not exactly the most secretive place, but given how she seemed to have just received the shock of her life, she probably would immediately rush somewhere familiar.

Knees grinding as he quickened his kinetic velocity, Poe thought back to the bizarre exchange in the mess hall. What caves were they talking about? Ren somehow saved her and a bunch of other people? Doesn't seem very like him….

He turned down the correct hall, heading straight for her door. It was locked, which wasn't a total shocker.

Poe pounded his palm against the steel, his skin stinging from the harsh contact. "Jess, open the door," he said evenly, but with a bite of demand to his tone.

"Go away!"

"Jess, just open the door."

"Leave me alone," her voice came out, strangled.

Yeah, he wasn't going to follow that request. "I'm worried about you. I don't think you should be alone in there."

"Like you know what I need. You don't know anything."

Shit, she sure was right about that. "Yeah, true. I don't exactly know what the hell happened back in the mess hall, but it's obviously serious. I know that you're upset and I just want to help."

An antsy silence prevailed for a few moments.

"Jess, please. Just let me see you so I know you're okay." Poe leaned his head against the cool door, waiting and praying it would open. Him and this metal barrier were becoming a little too intimate as he counted every indent and scratch–

His forehead streaked along the rising entrance, leaving a red line above his brows. Jess's reddened eyes were glaring at Poe, her posture more than giving off the vibe of what-the-hell-do-you-want.

"There. You saw me. Now leave."

Poe shook his head. "I don't want to."

Jess eyed him up and down like he'd just told her he was going to take up circus performing. Or dancing. "I didn't think you'd care this much."

Her assumption stung, but he didn't show it. "Are you kidding me? We're friends. Of course I care."

Jess rolled her eyes as she turned to walk back into the room. "I swear, you must be the only blind person on this base," she mumbled all too clearly.

"Blind?" he asked, entering her and Rey's space. The bunk was to the right and he could tell Jess slept on the bottom because of all the pictures adhered to the wall. Rey's top space was tidy and made up, evidence that the girl barely spent any time there. "To what? Are we not friends? Did I somehow hallucinate all those times you had my back?"

Jess leaned against the dresser, folding her arms defensively. Though why she was getting defensive with him he had no idea. "No, you didn't hallucinate."

Poe spread out his hands, semi shrugging. "Then what?"

"Nothing."

He took a few steps closer. "No, there's something. And I'm not leaving till you tell me."

Obviously, Poe didn't like being left out of the loop.

"I thought you came here to find out how I know Kylo Ren?"

"Well, yes, but then you brought this up and now I'm wondering why."

Jess sardonically chuckled, which was really unlike her. "You really don't know?"

"Know what?!" he asked in a raised voice. Poe took pride in knowing every little secret on this base and if he had somehow–

"I like you. And as more than just a friend."

...Huh… how did this fact escape his notice?

Jess shot her arms out in defeat. "And yes, I do know how childish that sounds, but I don't know how else to say it."

Standing there like a buffoon, Poe needed to say something, anything so it seemed like he was cool about all this. But the only thing he could muster up was a weak, "Oh."

Poe thought back to how he had numerous short-lived flings, most of them ending up with the girl confessing her feelings for him. He always shut those down because unlike them, he'd known what was going on was just casual. But to have a close friend say something like this to him? It was weird… mostly because he didn't get the same idea of letting her down easy, like he'd done so many times before.

He actually wanted to hug her.

Jess scoffed hard. "Yeah. Oh. Now get out of here."

"I'm… I'm sorry, Jess. I didn't know."

Would it change anything if he had?

"Probably because you were too busy pining after women with long legs and a perky bust," she stated bluntly.

Whoa. "Excuse me? I do not 'pine'. I don't know where you get your information–"

"So you and Connix never happened?"

Poe hesitated, his brows going tight as one hand came up to smooth back his hair. A flash from the past glared in his mind, making him recall how he'd once tried out a serious relationship when he was back in flight school at nineteen… and how things derailed with his ex as quickly as a speeding blaster bolt.

Luckily, once they parted ways, they never saw each other again.

His heart relentlessly thundered, both from the memory and from whom Jess accused him of being with. What sucked the most? He couldn't lie to her. "That was one time and a serious lapse in judgment."

Jess glanced to the left, looking distantly at the bunk bed in an attempt to compose herself. "Do you know how people view you around here?"

Her stare came back around, revealing nothing. "That I'm the best pilot in the Resistance?" Poe guessed.

"That you have an ego the size of the Universe."

He suppressed the "hell yes, I do" response he wanted to make, instead going for something that made him sound more mature. "Unlike most people with an ego, I actually have talent to back it up."

Jess barely grinned and then it vanished, but Poe had caught it. "I know you do, so the fact that you're arrogant has never bothered me. But then you throw in your charisma, humor, and handsome looks and no one on this base cannot not like you."

The compliments seemed out of place, like she was almost baiting him to agree – which he was pretty sure he shouldn't do. "Ummm, thanks?"

"Do you know what all those things have in common, though? It's just surface stuff. The things that draw people in. I've seen more from you and that is why I fell for you." Jess grabbed her head and breathed.

Brows knitting together, Poe couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd always been a simple man who hid a thousand feelings behind the cleverest of humor… and some how Jess saw 'more'? That can't be right. It wasn't that Poe was incapable of feeling emotion or showing it; it was just he didn't think anyone actually cared to see it. The only person who was ever interested in really knowing him was his mother, and she was long dead.

"I can't believe I'm actually telling you this, but part of me doesn't care to even hide it anymore," Jess said between breaths.

"Jess, I'm–"

She put her hand up to stop him. "I don't want your pity and honestly, I'm done seeking your attention. I know nothing is ever going to happen between us and I'm gonna move on before more of my life is wasted. So you can go on your merry way and make your rounds on the base. And before you even try to deny it, I do hear the gossip. Now, I'd appreciate it if you left me alone."

Except Poe was just the right flavor of asshole to not concede to such a request, so his boots stayed glued to the floor. "I want to know what happened to you in those caves," he demanded. For some unknown reason, he wanted to hear every harrowing detail, know everything she went through, because… dammit, he wasn't sure why. And trying to demand that she spill the tale? Dick move, through and through.

But he needed to know.

Jess motioned to the door. "Go ask your new friend."

"He doesn't talk much, so I doubt he'll tell me anything."

"You're out of luck, then, because I never talk about it. Ever."

Just then, a winded Rey and Finn burst into the room, both freezing upon feeling the tense atmosphere. "Ben is gone," Rey stated.

Poe tensed. "What? He can't just be gone. He has that damn chip in his arm."

Rey's eyes were grave, the fear she exuded palpable to even him, a mere human with no connection to the Force. "I can't find him anywhere and his Force signature is hidden."

"What about your bond?" Poe pointed out.

She shook her head. "Nothing. I can't get through. We need to find him before the MP does."

"The MP? Why–"

"He ruined the mess hall," Finn chipped in. "Like, trashed it."

Poe rubbed his face and groaned louder than necessary. So. Fucking. Typical. That man needs more than a chip in his arm; he needs a brain transplant so he doesn't go full on crazy. "I'll help you find him." He glanced back at Jess before leaving. "This conversation isn't over."

She shrugged like she didn't care, which cut at him deep. "Pretty sure it is."

He rolled his jaw and forced himself out of the room, following Finn and Rey down the hall. If Jess truly believed they had nothing more to say to each other, she was going to be shocked when he started pestering her relentlessly. He was a friend to everyone on base, but there were only a select few he would actually stick his neck out for.

Jess was on that list, and he wasn't taking her off.

()()()()()

An old, weathered man with feathery, white hair appeared on the holoscreen, his jaw set and his eyes none too pleased. "Princess Leia," his gravely voice said. "I've been told you've been trying to schedule a meeting with me over the last few days."

More like the last week, you two-faced piece of druk.

Leia stood before the image of Senator Colvinc Tisnew, her arms clasped behind her back and her expression stoic, hiding her deep routed annoyance. Other members of the council – Admiral Statura, Major Ematt, and Admiral Ackbar – were in the communication room, watching the screen from an angle that kept them hidden. Among them was alsoVassena Trend. Even though she wasn't an official member, she did add what was left of the Republic fleet to their cavalry. Such numbers were important to maintain, and if she left, so did the soldiers and ships.

Her invitation to be here had been a formality. Leia'd been hoping she wouldn't show, but she did.

"Senator Tisnew. You look well," Leia falsely greeted.

The man's shriveled face soured. "Don't give me fake compliments, Princess. I'm seventy-one years of age. I look as well as a luggabeast when left out in the dessert sun all its life. What do you want?"

"I understand you've been in contact with the First Order," Leia stated with zero hesitation. If the senator wanted to get straight to the point, she wasn't going to deny him.

Tisnew paused, narrowing his eyes before saying, "How do you know this?"

"Kylo Ren has left the Order and joined the Resistance. He informed us that you've been talking with the terrorists."

"Interesting you call your son by that name and not the one you gave him at birth." Leia stiffened. The Resistance had put out a statement stating that Kylo Ren defected from the First Order, but said nothing of where he truly came from. But, realistically, the news wouldn't stay on the base for long. "Oh yes, Princess. News travels fast in this galaxy. Guess the boy takes after his grandfather. Nice to know that malicious gene skips every other generation, in case he gets a girl knocked up."

Colvinc has become increasingly tactless with old age.

"What has the Order asked of you?" Leia asked, ignoring the jabs that were supposed to get her off balance. If he was trying to hurt her, he was going to need to do better than that.

Tisnew's face shifted into boredom. "They want the Core Worlds to pledge themselves to their cause. I'm sure your son has already told you that."

"But what have they offered you?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"We're on the same side, Colvinc. You fought in the Rebellion against the Empire, and now they're back in the form of the First Order. They destroyed the Hosnian system–"

His sudden anger cut her off. "I'm well aware of what they've done. My daughter was on Hosnian Prime when it was destroyed. And what did your little Resistance do to stop it? Nothing. You, Princess Leia, are as much responsible for this radical group coming to power as your son is. I don't even understand why you're still leading that small army."

If her and her son were to blame, the inept senators of the New Republic were also at fault. And what do you know, she was talking to one of them. If Coruscant's Prime Minister and his cabinet hadn't been killed in the Hosnian system's annihilation, this meeting could've been conducted with a more reasonable person.

Maybe.

Leia ground her teeth and pinched her astute eyes. "While in the Senate, I voiced my disagreement to let pass the Military Disarmament Act in the wake of signing the Galactic Concordance with the Galactic Empire. I knew the Empire had retreated into the Unknown Regions and couldn't be trusted to abide by the treaty. I urged the Republic to take the threat seriously, but I was looked down upon as a paranoid warmonger. With only a small Republic fleet, it was only a matter of time till the Empire exploited our military weakness."

"I agreed with you, Leia, remember? But I chose to try and change things from within the Senate instead of running off and forming a renegade group."

But there was no changing the Senate's mind since the Centrist Party was secretly in cahoots with the First Order, she wanted to scream. Instead, she stayed semi-civil. "And why stay to fulfill the rest of my term? After the news of my biological father broke out, no one would listen to me. Not you or anyone else that was a part of the Populist Party."

The senator scoffed and waved his hand around. "Your efforts to create an army are a joke. Your numbers are nothing compared to the Order's."

"Is that why you're considering joining them?"

Colvinc reclined back in his chair, his long exhale manifesting his deep exhaustion. For the first time since the meeting began, he looked ragged and older than his age. "I want to talk with your son."

That certainly caught her off guard. "No."

"Then this meeting is over." He nodded to someone out of view to cut the feed.

"Wait." Leia thought about how much her son abhorred politics and hated talking in general. Putting the two things together would absolutely end with Ben and her getting into another fight. Which was nothing new, by now.

"When do you want to speak with him?" For the sake of the galaxy, Ben will have to pretend to be a diplomat.

"As soon as possible."

"We'll contact you within the next few hours."

The senator gave her a pensive stare before saying, "I'll be waiting."

The video went dark and Leia rubbed the back of her neck, trying to get the cramp from giving her a headache. She was way too old to be acting as a general and dealing with the politics she'd left behind.

Now add Ben to the list and she felt like she aged a century.

"He's going to cave to the Order soon," General Ematt pointed out. "The fear was guarded, but it's there."

Leia stepped down from the small platform, heading for the only table in the room.

"Yes, but what's he afraid of?" Ackbar pondered. "Starkiller has been destroyed. Other than a high number of stormtroopers and some Star Destroyers, nothing poses an immediate threat to the planet."

"Maybe they do have another major weapon in their arsenal," Leia mused, finding an open chair and scooting in close to the small table. The others joined, and thankfully, Trend sat as far away from Leia as possible.

Statura shook his head. "Ren didn't say they did."

Knowing her son, he'd kept his answers short and revealed as little detail as possible. "And you asked him the question directly? You asked him if they had any other weapons like Starkiller?"

"Yes, and he said no," Statura answered.

"Either he's lying or he really doesn't know," Ematt added as he scratched his grey beard.

Statura whipped out his datapad, getting ready to send a message. "We should question him again when he's brought up here. I can give out an order for him to be found and–"

"Not yet," Leia interrupted.

"But… Senator Tisnew wanted the meeting quickly."

Leia was still apprehensive about bringing Ben into all of this, and not just for the fact he was hot-tempered and didn't like politicians. Trust was an issue; it always had been, even before he went radical. There'd always been something off about her son, like his eyes saw too much, but divulged nothing. She didn't think he'd turn around and give information to the Order… but she had to muse that it was a possibility.

Also, he'd been trying to get a meeting with her all week, which made her really uneasy. What did he want to say to her? Was she ready to see him? She didn't want to witness him going nuclear and hurting himself again.

"Give out the order in an hour," Leia ordered. "I don't want Senator Tisnew to think we're desperate."

General Ematt clearly disagreed. "But we are desperate." He leaned over the table, resting his arm on the metal top. "Everyone in the galaxy looks to the Core Worlds for leadership during a time like this. And they have the biggest planetary army in the galaxy, which would help our numbers if they joined us. We can't afford to wait. The First Order is already–"

Leia met his challenging tone. "An hour won't change anything, and I told him we'd connect with him within the next few hours. We won't go over that time frame."

Lieutenant Connix unexpectedly strode through the automatic door, her eyes darting wildly around the room before falling onto Leia. "General, there's a problem in the dining hall on the base. It has to do with Kylo Ren."

Leia stood, the chair clanging loudly onto the ships floor. She thought she would have a little more time before Ben did something foolish, but as usual, he just had to make an effort of proving her wrong. And at a time she needed his help.

While all the council members tensely stood and listened to the report with baited breath, Trend remained seated, her eyes staring down at the table. The only thing that made it appear like she was still somewhat lucid was the fact that her lips slowly and obviously curled up into a self-satisfying grin.

It went without saying that Leia wanted to waltz over to the women and viciously rip out that perfect bun from atop her blonde head. But that was hardly the intermission others needed to witness.

()()()()()

Beat by beat, Ren's boots hit the floor, the erratic breathing matching his fast footfalls. Making his way through the hallways, he wasn't exactly sure where to find relief, but he knew in what general direction to search. The torrential replay of the events in the dining hall rammed into his brain again and again, threatening to make him spiral deeper into a pit of tainted memories.

He wasn't completely sure where he was, but as he passed an intersecting hallway to his right, he had a strong prompting to turn. But with a quick glance, all it would lead him to was a door that certainly didn't take him outside.

He hastily moved on, regaining his speedy momentum.

Ren made a hard left, coming face to face with Terr and Garreaus. He paused for only a fraction of a moment. "Hey man – Whoa!" The men parted, letting Ren through their barrier of bodies. When he got all bulldozer like this, you either got out of his path or he mowed you into the hard floor.

"Where ya going?" Garreaus yelled as Ren disappeared.

The walls and air of the base constricted his throat, putting immense pressure on his chest and slowly sending him into the agony of ravaging hypoxia. Relief was only to be found in the outdoors, but even after the fresh oxygen attached to his hemoglobin, he'd still be jammed within his thoughts. Maybe… maybe it would give him some kind of relief, though.

At least, this time, he'd been able to eat all of the banja cakes before becoming groundless.

Barreling into a random hangar, Ren was soon immersed into the vast jungle and thick humidity. The peak of the afternoon sun shined down onto the planet, which was unfortunate since he hated the light. Nighttime would have been preferred at a time like this, but it's as if the Universe was withholding such comforts in an attempt to punish him for his demented transgressions.

Sweat already started to bead on his brow. Ren tried wiping it away with his sleeve, but the leather just smeared it across his face. Taking off the jacket would help cool him down, but for some reason, he didn't want to part from it. The newly fixed present was anchoring him to the remaining remnants of sanity, and he really needed to keep his faculties together. But would it matter if he exploded out here? He'd caused such a mess in the dining hall that he was life-bettingly positive there was trouble just around the bend – the kind of trouble his uncle probably couldn't spring him from.

The council was looking for any excuse to get their judgmental hands on him. If he even sneezed too close to someone else, they would take it as a threat and ring him up for misconduct. He'd been on the base a grand total of not-enough-time, but even with that fact, he felt like giving himself a pat on the back since he lasted longer than he thought he would.

Congratulations, he told himself since no one else would.

With both hands, he slicked back his thick hair, tugging on the strands as he kept repeating the process. He suddenly noticed that his legs had stopped walking, halting his body before he went too far and activated the chip in his arm. But he didn't need the chip to paralyze him, because he seized up and crumpled to the ground all on his own.

With his rear planted on the moist soil and his legs crossed, he rested his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his palms. It was a very childish posture for a man as large as he was, but he couldn't help that his demeanor reflected how he felt: vulnerable, undeveloped, and small.

Stars… he felt tiny. Tiny among the tall trees. Tiny in this quaint clearing. Tiny against the impending collision of all the colors and textures surrounding him.

People on the base didn't see him that way, because most were afraid or thought of him as... What was the word that came to their minds most often?

Creepy.

They thought him to be creep, which reminded him of the Jedi academy waaaaay too much. He always preferred the term eerie, but one could not choose the vernacular used by others.

Even with his reputation, the looming ruthlessness, and the mask that he wore, Ren had always felt a sense of vulnerability and uncertainty as to who he was. And now that more people would know of the events in those caves, he felt bone chillingly naked.

The likelihood of ever running into that slave girl had been astronomically impossible, and yet here he was, freaking out over being reminded of what he'd done while being Ben Solo. Somehow, he had deemed being violent and murderous under the name Kylo Ren as necessary and unavoidable. But killing so many people while associating himself as Ben had been borderline sacrilegious.

When was fate going to take him off its hit list? He was getting sick of all the unwinnable situations he was being put into as of late.

You put yourself here, he reminded himself.

Or maybe… Snoke really was the cause of his ruination.

Sitting with only his thoughts, Ren glanced up, noticing the trees bunched tightly together. The lush green branches and vines interwove, giving off the impression of beautifully strung lace. His mind raced to Rey, envisioning her in a rich, lace green gown that showed off her femininity and power. The color would compliment her brown hair and light skin….

At this very moment, she was probably disappointed at the chaos he'd unfurled back at the base. Part of him was, too. But her opinion mattered more than his did, because unlike himself, Rey could leave him at any moment.

His heart called out to her during the silence, reaching for her through an endless dream of another life… a fantasy. Everything was a fantasy when it came to her, because he knew he didn't deserve to have her. Not like he could have her, even if he tried. There were so many miles between his feelings and hers, and that would never change.

Dammit, where were all these people who wanted him dead? He could use an outlet right about now. It would be cruel if the plots to kill him were only just a rumor.

Abruptly, he jumped to his feet, wheeling around to look into the dense jungle. Two beings were getting close, zeroing in. Upon recognizing their signatures, Ren relaxed, but kept his eyes alert.

Garreaus was the first to enter the small clearing, with Terr close behind, complaining about how he had a small cut on his hand from swatting away a thorny vine. As usual, Garreaus seemed to be tuning him out.

They quickly caught sight of Ren. He must not have appeared completely sane because both men froze, studying his body language. "What are you doing here?" Ren asked, his voice deep, guarded.

"We, uh…" Terr met Garreaus' eyes before bouncing back to Ren. "You didn't look so good when you ran out of the base, so…."

"You came to make sure I didn't kill anyone?"

"We came to make sure you were okay," Garreaus corrected.

Ren narrowed his eyes upon the pair. "Did you not see the dining hall?"

"Dining hall?" They both glanced at each other, confused. "We came looking for you after you ignored us. What happened in the dining hall?"

"The electrical malfunctioned. And there's glass everywhere." And I'm the one who caused it.

"Uh, okaaaay." Garreaus inspected the small alcove, coming to the conclusion that asking any more questions was probably a waste of breath. "How about you come back to the base with us, instead of staying out here… by yourself."

Crossing his arms, Ren walked over to an entanglement of vines, peering closely at the striking emerald hues woven into the plants skin. For a moment, he got lost in the beauty, drinking up the color others would deem mundane, but that sang to him in a way that was captivating. He was so accustom to the bleakness of metal and space that he'd become blind to what the Universe had to offer.

He had fleetingly saw it before he died, but hadn't thought about it since.

Nature had never lived for itself, its core fundamentally unselfish. Rivers didn't drink its own water, air didn't breath its own oxygen, and trees didn't eat their own fruit. The sun never shined for itself and a flower didn't smell its own fragrance. All those things lived for each other, a concept Ren had never lived by, but was the rule of nature. He'd always been self-serving, but had done some self-effacing acts as of late.

So where did that place him on the spectrum between altruism and greed?

Running his fingers down the thick vine, he said, "I haven't seen you guys since Lothal."

"No… you haven't," Terr answered, the worry in his voice blatantly obvious.

Ren turned, surprised and confused at how genuine his curiosity was. "How are you adjusting to this place?"

"Better than you, I'd wager. Seriously man, come back with us."

He looked heavenward at the small rays of sun shining through the foliage. "Mayhap I'll just stay here. But thanks."

"Mayhap?" Did Ren really just say that? It was such an ancient word in Basic, used in the place of perhaps. Maybe he really was weird... "Geez, you're strange." Yes, I know. "No one talks like tha–" Garreaus elbowed Terr in the ribs, making the guy fall silent from the sharp pain.

Garreaus quickly took over. "I don't know if you should be alone, man. You seem… off."

"Yeah," Terr agreed through a strained voice while holding his side. "More than usual."

It would appear his off-putting nature was out in full force today.

A whizzing noise came from the left as BB-8 whirled right over a small bush, coming to a stop inches from Ren's feet. The little droid had followed him out here. "There's a group of men searching for you, and they aren't with the MP! You need to get back to the base."

Just as the droid finished, Ren's neck prickled him to attention, causing his eyes to search the foliage behind Terr and Garreaus.

The first man appeared within seconds, looking at the promenade with first shock, then satisfaction. Immediately, Terr and Garreaus moved so they were to the right of Ren, standing close enough to appear like his own personal bodyguards – which he didn't need.

One by one, five men of various sizes and statures came into the tight clearing, each holding a variety of melee weapons. Ren thought the arsenal to be extremely reckless, given the fact that every member on the base could carry a blaster. The judgment quickly coalesced into offense. Did they really think those weapons would be sufficient against him? Do they even know who he is?

But one look into each of their eyes told him that they wanted the fight to be up close and personal, because that was the best way to derive pleasure.

He took a small comfort in knowing he wasn't the only irrational person on this base… and that he was going to put his fists to good use in a matter of minutes. Or seconds.

"Just what I was waiting for," Ren said to the group, feeling like he'd been offered a way to work out his frustrations. It was difficult to hold back the smile, so he didn't.

A tall, brown skinned man came to the front, a metal baton clutched firmly in his left hand. "You never should've been allowed to live. After everything you've done, people deserve justice," he said through clenched teeth.

Ren arched a brow. Funny, how everyone thought they had a right to directly enact justice when, at the same time, they backed a government keen on the judiciary proceedings of criminals. "Oh, did I kill someone you know? A sister? A parent? Your child, perhaps?" The man angrily stepped forward, but one of his friends grabbed his arm and held him back. Unfortunately, no one was able to hold back Ren's sharp tongue. "I've slaughtered so many people, it's hard to keep track anymore. So I'm sorry to tell you, but I don't remember your relative."

Ren wasn't sorry.

"You're a fucking lunatic," the unraveling man snarled while the rest of the group glared at Ren like he'd also murdered someone they knew.

He probably had.

"I don't disagree," Ren said smoothly.

The leaders eyes roamed the area, settling on Terr and Garreaus to his right. "You gonna hide behind those two cocksucking stormtroopers?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Terr griped as he held his hands up defensively. He opened his mouth, but then shut it, as he seemed to be adding something up in his mind. "Actually, those two words describe me very well. Just put an "ex" in front of stormtrooper next time," Terr ended with a grin.

"Fuck you," the leader raged out.

Terr laughed like he'd just heard a joke. "I don't fuck women like you, Dilkev. Sorry."

The man's mouth fell open in shock, leaving him momentarily speechless by the insult. Ren was in much the same way, except his eyes were about to bulge from their sockets as he looked over at Terr, wondering if the man was crazier than him.

"You know this guy?" Garreaus whispered.

"He works in the same hangar as me," Terr explained to Ren and Garreaus.

Dilkev composed himself, his grip tightening on his weapon. "Always with the jokes, but I'm the one with more man power than you. What? Gonna complain the numbers aren't fair?

Terr rolled his eyes. "Of course they aren't fair. You would need to bring ten more men for this fight to be even. Or did you forget that you were going up against Kylo Ren? You're all a bunch of idiots." Ren pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering how in the hell Terrlon, of all people, was helming this conversation.

He would prefer less chatter and get straight to the part where he killed these men and left them dead on the dirt, where they could decompose comfortably. But, as much as he wanted to, Ren could not afford to intentionally hurt anyone on base. Therefore, Terr needed to shut his derisive mouth.

"Terr," Ren whispered harshly. "Shut. Up."

Dilkev and his men laughed as they swung their clubs and taunted him. "You scared, Kylo? Not strong enough to take on all of us? Or are you worried your mother will ground you for getting into a fight."

Fists balled, mouth clenched, and blood scalding his veins, Ren listed forward, but froze. He was close, so very close to losing control, but then he remembered what Rey had told him the night his execution had been cancelled.

"I know you weren't purposefully doing it, but I need you to think about me if you ever get caught in a dangerous situation again. Your life is not the only one on the line."

While he didn't really classify this as a dangerous setting, Rey would. She was right; Ren didn't take her into account in situations like these, but living a lifetime of being selfish didn't just go away overnight. Or even after a few weeks.

Looking at the men who were more than willing to stop his beating heart, Ren really wanted to return the spirited vigor. He couldn't, though. No matter how much he wanted to draw blood, he knew that with his connection to Rey, she would more than likely feel every blow he received. And he figured that there was always a possibility of him being killed.

Though, from this group of eager morons, the odds were one in a trillion.

The chances of Ren killing them all? One in one – which would put him in execution territory.

This moment of cogitation was what led him to take a hard step back, conveying to the group that he didn't want to participate in what would have been a gratifying release.

"Coward," Dilkev spat out.

"You know something, Dilk." Terr enunciated his nickname threateningly, getting the full attention of the masculine promenade. "You're name sounds very close to "dick." Anyone ever tell you that?"

And that was the last comprehensible word anyone got out for a while.

Dilkev reek-rushed straight at Terr, but deviated at the last second to Ren, who froze for a fraction of a moment while trying to decide what to do. The choice was made for him when Dilkev caught Ren in the middle and pile-drove him back against a thick tree, making the huge sapling tremble in frustration. Everything broke out into a mad scramble as Terr and Garreaus took on the rest of the group willingly, throwing punches that were precise and jaw-breaking.

BB-8 was nowhere to be seen.

The rough impact on the tree caused Ren's head to snap back against the splintering bark, rattling his brain and his body from the crown of his head, all the way to the tips of his toes. In spite of the dent he was sure he left in the wood, Ren just shrugged off the pain and grabbed onto Dilkev's dark patch of hair for some control. Without blinking, he brought the guys head right down in contact with his knee, causing a geyser of blood to spray all over them both.

Surprisingly, even though the man's nose was broken, Dilkev's response was just as fast – he returned the abuse by kneeing Ren in the groin so hard, he gagged and clutched onto his manhood. Still standing, which was a miracle, Ren noticed another guy coming at him. He Force pushed both Dilkev and the incomer into the circling trees. Sure as shit Ren needed a breather, because nothing made a man's vision turn blotchy like having his balls in a head-on collision with hard bone. He could take plenty, but not one single male in the universe could ever get used to getting hit down below.

Willpower and some healing had him overcome the groin agony quickly. Focusing on Terr and Garreaus, they had knocked out one of their opponents and were holding their own against the conscious two.

"Relying on the Force is a crutch move." Dilkev was already up, and besides the bleeding from his nose, looked very together. The guy's strength was actually commendable; his cheap crotch shot was not.

At least the other guy was out for the count.

"I can kill you without it," Ren replied as he picked up the metallic baton the man had dropped.

Dilkev came at him, dodging Ren's swings like he had some training on how to do so. The man caught the baton midair, but Ren had been expecting it and twisted the man around, putting him in a chokehold with the rod pressed against his throat. Dilkev jerked sharply and a sudden heat exploded in Ren's side, making him release the baton.

As Dilkev crumbled to the ground, gasping for air, Ren saw a sizable utility knife protruding from his right side, just below the ribs. Sliding the blade out with a grunt, he tossed it into the jungle and kicked the guy square on the back. Rotating him around, Ren straddled him, but before he could unwind the punch, Dilkev drilled his thumb right into the meaty wound. Sucking in a breath, Ren grabbed onto the man's pain inflicting hand… but instead of pushing it aside, he drove Dilkev's thumb even deeper.

Ren viciously smiled and laughed at the stinging pain, drawing a very disturbed look from his opponent.

Torture, in whatever form it took, came down to being an overload of sensations – something Ren didn't usually get from living day to day. However, the beatings and torture were not all about the physical, but how for a few brief moments, he was connected to these people in an intimate manner that he couldn't get anywhere else. It just went to show he wasn't only in it for the infliction of agony and the mind games. After all, enmity, like humanity, started from within, and all the pent up aggression and loneliness had to go somewhere.

Leaning forward, Ren darkly said, "You seem afraid." Dilkev grunted as he fought to free his hand, but Ren was having none of it. His eyes were wild, untamed, and the only thing separating him from an animal was the fact he was clothed. "Don't like what you see? How about I thumb your eyes out and feed them to you. Maybe that –"

Ren's head exploded from a bombardment of pressure, blinding him and making his form go limp. Vaguely, he felt his body fall to the ground and become a cushion for someone's boot. With his brain heated and pounding, it was difficult to muster up a single thought of how to fight back. So he just grabbed his head and curled his body inward to reflexively shield himself.

"Ben!" Rey's voice resonated in his mind. She had forcibly opened his side of the bond and in doing so, caused him to be momentarily incapacitated. "Oh, god. We're coming! I'm almost there! Don't hurt anyone!"

The low oxygen levels to his brain, which alarmed him that he was close to blacking out, overshadowed the fact that Rey was speaking to him telepathically.

Multiple clubs were now pounding against his form, which meant something was wrong with Terr and Garreaus. A high pitch beeping cut through the walloping, and Ren opened his eyes to see BB-8 ram right into one of the attackers, whip out his small flame, and light the guys pant leg on fire. The man was quick to put out the fire, and then promptly struck BB-8 with his wooden club, making a dent in the small droids body.

Ren cracked at that point, the fury and bloodlust seeping into his psyche and he welcomed it like a spice addict welcomed their next fix. Addictions and compulsions were nothing but an orchestration of distraction, masking the truths that were unpleasant, but ultimately undeniable. This callous nature of hurting others was as much for his benefit as it was for the receivers: by hurting them, he restored himself to his rightful state.

The beating stopped immediately as Ren tucked his knees under his belly and lifted himself with his arms. On all fours, his head hung low as his ragged breathing escaped his lips. The air had turned hostile, the vibration of the impending outcome buzzing the molecules of his figure, his thoughts and hearing growing distant. Rey was yelling in his mind, but the words were indecipherable as his skull turned into an echo chamber.

He turned his head to see the three remaining men frozen mid strike, there eyes wide with a fear that transferred much needed strength into Ren's legs, allowing him to stand. Face to face with Dilkev, the man struggled against the invisible restriction on his throat, and Ren permitted himself to feel every pain and lick of fear that entered the man's consciousness.

Gravity shifted, levitating the men a foot off the ground, loose dirt and rocks floating around them. The wooden club in one of the men's hands splintered down the middle, the shards floating along with its master. The other two held metal batons that bent and dented in unnatural ways.

All of this lethal energy was coming from Ren, and yet, he didn't understand how he was able to do these things without giving specific commands to the Force. All of it just was, like it had been when he almost killed that boy when he was thirteen.

Watching the men as they turned blue in the face, the joy Ren felt was unmistakable, but the unfamiliar guilt was even more irrefutable. He actually felt some… guilt over possibly killing these men, while at the same time content with their lifeless outcome.

They wanted Ren dead, but a part of himself empathized with their reasoning behind the violence. Maybe he did kill one of Dilkev's relatives, and here Ren was, mercilessly rubbing it in the man's face like he didn't care.

Somewhere over the past few weeks, Ren had started to value human life again, and he hadn't noticed till right now.

Ren's emotional reorientation was extreme, his interior grid turning upside down on itself. He was drowning in his own self-discovery, not wanting to accept that he'd let such a weak feeling take up residence inside his small pool of morals. But then, this was how people felt when they finally got a clear picture of themselves after aeons of sublimation.

Not exactly a happy place to be in and it was hard to witness, but after giving the unearthing credence, it was hard to leave behind.

Ren pitied these men, and he would show them mercy.

Cutting himself off from the flow of the dark side was easier than he'd initially thought. The men dropped to the ground, coughing and gasping while rolling around in the dirt. Ren's legs gave out and he directed the fall onto his rear, somehow finding a way to sit upright. He took this opportunity to gaze around, surveying the damage.

Blood was everywhere, glossy and crimson in the afternoon light, wafting into his nose. It was as if a bucket of paint had been cracked minutely open and spastic-splashed all over him, the ground, and the other men. Terr and Garreaus were sitting off to the side, bruised and bleeding like the rest of them. It was a wonder they were all still alive. Well, the leader he'd been brawling with didn't look so good… or sound so good. The guy, now unmoving on a bed of his own stupid decisions, had his eyes staring up at the trees, his wheezing becoming a theme song for how bruised his chest had become.

Ren's entire body throbbed along with the beat of his own heart, the main sensation being in his side where he'd been stabbed. Breathing in the hot air that smelled like fresh dirt and copper, he hurt all over and felt a lot better at the same time. Even though he didn't kill these men, he absolutely enjoyed hurting them.

Guess he wasn't completely cured of being a monster.

Easing onto his back, he let his palms feel the tepid dirt as he looked up at the entangled branches above. In the reality of the moment, Ren let himself accept that there was no ridding himself of the darkness, nor the light. Neither would ever leave him, even though he'd always secretly wished one of them would. This was the moment he realized that in spite of how hard he ran from himself, everywhere he went, there he was: a person who lived with one foot on land, and the other in the sea. And if he didn't want to be pulled apart by both of the opposing forces, he was going to need to figure out a way to create balance.

A laugh bubbled up from his chest, billowing from his cracked lips. Grabbing his head with both hands, Ren rocked back and forth, the amusement of the situation driving him to laugh till his stomach burned. He was slightly aware that Rey was kneeling next to him, trying to pry his hands from his face, but getting nowhere.

This knowledge went beyond living as Ben Solo and Kylo Ren simultaneously and into the fact that his power, the essence that made him up as a person, was from the light and the dark.

His whole life he thought he had to choose between the two sides of the Force, because that was what he'd always been taught. But he wasn't born to live with one over the other; he was meant to embrace both. Together.

The comfortable truth that prevailed within Ren made him laugh even harder, for the obstacle and the answer had always been obvious – he'd been living life blindfolded while trying to walk through a maze in the glaring light of day. By discarding his preconceived notions that were covering his sight, he could see. He could finally see.

As always, the epiphany's timing was impeccable.

()()()()()

The walls of the private medical room offered Rey a reprieve from the bustling state that was outside the door. It wasn't often the med droids and faculty received multiple wounded individuals on the base, especially with one being in critical condition. Ben had almost killed that man named Dilkev. Luckily, the military police showed up right after her, Finn, and Poe had found the disheveled scene.

Rey remembered how Ben had been laughing, rolling on the ground like he couldn't contain the last of his pent up energy. Rey would have preferred him to be withering in pain, because she couldn't understand what he found so amusing. Did he still get off on violence? Did he find almost killing a handful of people funny? It was upsetting to see him act in such a way, but then his bouts of glee had finally subsided as he was strapped to a hover-stretcher and hauled to the med bay. The silence and distant stare that prevailed upon his face was even more disconcerting. It was baffling how one person could go from an extreme high, to an extreme low in a matter of seconds.

Rey had never met anyone that could do that. She'd read about them, and usually they were classified as being insane.

Now, glancing over at his reclined form on the plush bed, Ben was… content? The lines in his face that were always subservient to his tense nature, now seemed relaxed, his eyes no longer full of that shade of anger that was so familiar. What happened out there? She'd never seen him so complacent, not even with her.

This was a riddle she didn't have all the clues to, especially since they'd barely spoke to one another since she found him.

The door slid open, a very annoyed Luke striding into the room, his robes rustling behind. His steely eyes went straight to Ben. "You refused to go into the Bacta tank?"

Ben sat up, clutching his side as he put his back against the sterile wall. "I can heal myself over the next few hours. The others needed it more than me."

"How giving of you," Luke said flatly.

Rey spoke up before they started snipping at each other. "What did the council say?"

Luke's studious eyes lingered on Ben before gliding to her. "Ben has been put on probation for the stunt in the dining hall."

"Just probation?"

"Given how the council went behind Leia's back to get Ben executed, this is their way of making it up to her."

"They can't be as forgiving with what happened in the jungle."

"Because BB-8 recorded the whole incident, the council was able to see that Ben didn't start the altercation. While the use of the Force at the end was concluded as being excessive, the majority of them agreed that he had the right to defend himself." The Jedi Master glanced back at Ben. "Just so you know, if one of them had died, the outcome would be very different."

"What about Terr and Garreaus?" Ben asked, brushing off Skywalker's last remark.

"Terrlon was also dealt probation, since he provoked the fight."

Ben scoffed. "I'd hardly call that provocation."

"I actually agree, but I can't do anything for him."

"What will happen to the five guys who attacked them?" Rey cut in.

"They're being court-martialed."

That was… unexpected. Out of the corner of her eye, she could tell Ben was smiling. "Seriously?" Rey asked, her voice an octave higher with surprise.

"They went there with the intent to cause Ben bodily harm and/or to kill him. They're fortunate the punishment isn't more severe. They could've been tried and sent to prison."

Rey was still shocked that they received any punishment at all. But then again, Leia was probably infuriated that a group had tried to kill her only child.

Luke moved closer to his nephew, his gaze serious. "You're going to come train with Rey every day from now on."

Ben's forehead furrowed, his eyebrows hooding over eyes that blazed with consternation. "Excuse me?"

"You don't have to participate –"

"Good. I won't."

Luke pursed his lips. "You just have to be in the same room as us. No more doing whatever you want around here."

"Yeah, cause I had so much freedom surrounded by thousands of people who abhor me."

"All from your own doing, Ben. Remember that." Luke turned his attention to Rey. "We can resume training tomorrow morning, if that's alright."

She cleared her throat quickly and said, "Yeah. That'll work."

Luke nodded and headed for the door, but Ben's voice stopped the Jedi Master from leaving. "I've been trying to speak with the general this past week. Do you know why she won't see me?"

Rey was taken aback that Ben asked such a question to his uncle, which showed that he must be getting desperate to know what was holding his mother back from speaking with him.

Ben did care, and that gave Rey a sliver of comfort.

Luke breathed deeply, his expression actually showing Ben a spark of compassion before saying, "Leia's been tied up with trying to persuade the Core Worlds not to join the First Order. As you can imagine, it's taking up most of her time."

Most. Not all.

Ben nodded and Luke left, the room falling once again into silence. More than likely, Luke knew his sister was avoiding Ben, but Rey wasn't going to say that out loud. From Ben's remote face, he knew already.

Rey went about touring the small room, looking at the various equipment, even going as far as trying to open a cabinet. It was locked.

Not knowing what to say to Ben, Rey was once again reminded how poor her social skills were.

"I know you're mad at me," Ben whispered, freeing her from breaking the ice.

Rey glanced over, seeing that he was looking down at the pale blankets.

"I'm not mad at you." Not anymore. Truth be told, she'd been furious before BB-8 released the recording. Rey had immediately jumped to the conclusion that Ben had sought out those men and tried to kill them in an attempt to make himself feel better about the whole Jess debacle. Stars, Rey was still coming to grips with that whole thing.

Ben looked up and over, his strands of raven hair falling into his eyes. "Honestly?"

"You didn't start it. You defended yourself."

"If there wasn't a video proving that, would you still believe me if I told you I didn't initiate it?"

"If you told me you didn't, I'd believe you." Rey answered without hesitation. The problem was, he hadn't told her anything. No 'I didn't start it' or 'I can explain…'. So naturally, her imagination roamed wild and free, and it hadn't helped knowing what kind of man Ben could be.

"Did you feel much of the fight? I'm sorry if –"

"I did in the beginning, but I was able to block most of it out." Rey's spine phantom ached remembering the unexpected experience. She'd been running with Poe and Finn through the jungle and then suddenly, she was on the ground, gasping at the blaring pain. Determined to keep going, she successfully dulled the sensation, allowing her to focus her energy on breaking through to Ben.

Ben smiled and then motioned for her to sit by him. A warm tingle shot through her body. "Are you okay?" Rey asked while eyeing him closely and parking her rear next to his. "You seem… I don't know… different."

Ben grabbed her cool hand, kissing the back while chuckling in a way that seemed carefree. Something was definitely off. "Seems like everyone is either really observant today or I'm getting worse at hiding my emotions. Do I seem worse to you?"

She squinted and then tilted her head. "No, you don't. It's hard to pinpoint, but you seem at ease, in a way. It's weird..."

He rested their locked hands on his lap, his eyes watching as he traced her fingers idly. "Because I'm always tense?"

"Well, yes, there's that. But I was gonna say it's weird because you just got in a fight where you could have died."

His head rolled back and his eyes mimicked the movement. "I wasn't close to dying. Trust me."

Her eyebrows rose as Lothal came to mind. "You have a bad track record of overestimating yourself."

"You can't become stronger if you always underestimate your abilities," he said as he tucked a hair behind her ear, drawing her into his blazing eyes, noticing how he hungrily looked at her lips. "But I want you to know, I held back from initiating anything because I thought of you. Taking you into account changed my outlook."

"Are you telling me this to get some type of reward?"

He moved in slowly, bringing his head down to her level. "Maybe…."

Rey lifted her chin, connecting their lips as Ben moved against hers in a curious childish delight. Dipping his hands beneath her bottom, he full on palmed and lifted her onto his lap, his mouth going for the thin skin of her throat. Lulling her head back, Rey entangled her hands in his hair, coaxing him to keep going. With his hands splayed on her back, he pushed her body closer to his, her chest very close to his eye level.

Everything about Ben felt warm and familiar, solid and safe. She wanted to cling to every part of him, bury her face in the crook of his neck, shut her eyes from the outside galaxy so she could commit to losing herself in this electric feeling.

But they were in a medical room… with no lock on the door… where someone could walk in at any moment.

Ben laughed and kissed her lightly. "I can sense your sudden anxiety and I agree, we should probably stop… but I don't want to."

Rey ran her fingers down his face, always paying extra attention to the scar she branded him with. "I don't want you to stop, either."

Eyes tightly shut, he groaned and placed his forehead against her sternum. "The things you do to me, I swear." They stayed in that position for what seemed like minutes: Ben's arms wrapped around her, his breath seeping down her tunic, her chin resting on the crown of his head. If it wasn't for the fact of impossibility, she would have started to wonder if he fell asleep.

"Ben?"

"Mmmm…" his response vibrated against her chest.

"What… what happened out there?"

He pulled back, throwing his hair to the side with a quick head toss. "I was going to ask you the same thing."

"What?"

His hand kept traveling along her cheek, neck, and collarbone, making it difficult to pay attention. Rey wasn't sure if he was doing it on purpose, because unlike her, he appeared lucid. "You spoke to me telepathically. How did you know you could do that?"

"Oh." She thought back to her running through the jungle. "Ummmm… I didn't know, actually. I broke through to your side of the connection so I could find you quicker and then I just kinda knew it was possible."

Stopping his hand on her neck, he asked, "Would you be up to trying it again?" The bond suddenly became lighter and less rigid, which meant his side was completely open to her. Inhaling, she allowed herself to be vulnerable and let their essences intermingle.

"Rey," he said without moving his lips.

Her eyes bulged. "I can hear you."

Their thoughts abruptly became spastic, jumbling up to the point where they no longer made sense.

Ben's grip went to her hips as he searched her face, laughing at being able to do the impossible. "Sorry. I got too excited and lost concentration."

Eyes crinkling from hearing Ben's unruly laughter, she joined him, her smile covering her face in the process. "Me too. It's kind of difficult to interact that way."

He quieted down and locked onto her eyes. "Thoughts are not very corporeal and are extremely fleeting. It requires focus to be able to talk like this."

"It's really strange."

"We'll get used to it the more we practice." His eyes glowed with wonderment. "It's really amazing, if you think about it. Only a handful of people have been able to converse telepathically and now we are among the rarity."

His excitement made her cringe slightly, because she didn't feel his same level of joy over the newfound discovery. It was intriguing, yes, but she liked how things already were.

Ben caught onto her rigidity, his face falling into complacency. "Or… do you not like speaking that way?" he asked out loud.

She shrugged, placing her palms on his chest so she could start fidgeting, but he grabbed both and held onto her. "I'd rather live in reality than in my mind, if that's okay."

"Oh… yeah, we can do that." Ben cleared his throat. "If there's one thing we're good at by now, it's keeping the connection between us closed," Ben said in a joking manner, but Rey didn't catch on with the flippancy. There might have been an injured undertone to his 'joke'.

"I'm not saying we should never talk through the connection. We can still practice. It's just…"

"You like actual talking," he finished for her.

"Yeah…" That was part of it. "And sometimes I feel closer to you when the bond is closed." Ben furrowed his brows, puzzled by her statement. "I know it doesn't make sense. You would think with our minds opened, I'd feel closer. But I like talking out loud with you and asking you how you're feeling and not always knowing everything that runs through your head. It gives us more of an opportunity to work at getting to know one another."

Rey chalked up her years of rarely using her vocal chords as the reason why she actually wanted to use them. Speaking in her mind reminded Rey a little too much of how she would daydream fantastical scenarios and talk with non-existent friends in her thoughts. In a way… those years spent alone… were like being stuck in her own head.

Sighing heavily, she continued, "Living for so long on my own never really gave me –"

"I get it, Rey. I do." Her shoulders dropped as the pent up tension left her upper body. Communicating with Ben still felt like new territory, but it was getting increasingly easier to tell him her opinions.

He jolted her with a small tug on the hips. "You shouldn't do that, you know."

"Do what?"

"Shy away from speaking your mind. I could see you were nervous to tell me how you felt, but you shouldn't be. Your thoughts matter; speak with confidence, and demand to be heard."

Easy for him to say…. He spent the last six years ordering people around and controlling part of the First Order. The only time Rey got real with people was when food or trading was involved.

She meekly grinned. "I guess I'm not used to voicing what goes on in my head."

"Practice will make it become second nature," his deep voice assured. "And don't ever think I'll get upset because you have a mind of your own."

"Well, I could be like you," she pointed playfully at his chest, "and reply to everyone with an eye roll and a snarky comment."

"I don't do that." Rey flatly stared at him. He shrugged shyly. "Okay, maybe I do that." She chuckled as he caressed her cheek tenderly, his eyes going to her lips, making it obvious what he wanted. Now would probably be a good time to get off his lap… but she had no willpower to do so. If someone walked in… oh well. She was way too comfortable with where she was. But before she got entangled with him again, she needed some answers.

"What happened out there, Ben? I can sense something different about you."

So much affection shined in his eyes that Rey almost glanced away, but she decided to go with the moment. "I realized… that what I'd been trying to do my whole life has been an enormous waste of time," he whispered. "I always believed that I had to choose one side of the Force over the other, but I don't."

Rey's eyes bounced around his face, showing her confusion. "I don't understand."

"I'm meant to live with the light and the dark."

"…But… the dark side is evil."

"It can be," Ben breathed out.

"It is," Rey insisted strongly. "It's driven people to do horrible things in its name. Greed, power, corruption – that all lies within the dark side."

And you killed Han because of it...

Ben's demeanor was one of patience, like he was explaining his reasoning to a child. It would've annoyed Rey, but she was so thrown off by what he was saying, she let it go. "I don't necessarily see it that way. The light side can also have those qualities; they just aren't as obvious. The Jedi council of the Old Republic was hungry for power. They believed that they were wiser than the rest of the galaxy, and would force people to see their ways."

"Uhhhh, I think you're twisting the truth around."

He cocked his head. "Am I? Their arrogance of being an all-seeing society was what brought them down in the first place. And arrogance is a trait they claimed not to have."

"No one is perfect and even Jedi are bound to make mistakes."

"I think the biggest mistake was dividing the dark and light side of the force into two rigid segments." He bit his lower lip while trying to think up an explanation. "Think of the Force like an ocean: the light stays on the surface, because it cannot penetrate down to the bottom. The more you swim down, the darker it becomes, but the ocean life becomes more concentrated. The ocean is one, collected organism and what if the Force is much the same? The top of the ocean is the superficial and safe place to be, but the bottom is where the raw and fundamental power is held."

Rey gave him a skeptical stare. "It still doesn't explain why the dark side drives people crazy."

"Well, if you don't come up to the surface, you drown. Much like what was happening to me."

"And you came to this conclusion while out there… being beaten… and almost killing people."

"I realized that both the light and dark will never leave me and I have to figure out a way to balance both. The concept of the ocean came to me while being in this room." His hands wondered to her thighs, creating a delicious friction as he rubbed his palms up and down.

Rey tried to see things from his way, but it went against everything Luke had taught her. "So this is a new concept?"

Ben took a deep breath. "I wouldn't say new. My analogy is just different. There were once gray Jedi who practiced the fullness of the Force."

Rey was surprised to hear that such a Jedi had once existed. "And what happened to them?"

Be shifted, becoming uncomfortable by her question. "Their, uh, practices died off… or they fell to the dark side."

"Oh, well, that's comforting," Rey said with an edge as she folded her arms across her chest, inadvertently putting space between her and Ben.

"Drawing power from both places is hard to live with."

"And yet, you want to." Rey shook her head. "Forgive me, but I think this is a horrible idea."

Ben went quiet, studying her serious expression while giving her nothing to go on from his even face. "You don't think I can do it," he stated, not questioned.

Her exhale was long, giving her time to think. It wasn't that she didn't think he could do it, it was that... well... yeah, she didn't think he could do it. But it wasn't because she thought him weak. Unraveling her arms, Rey placed her hands on his chest, leaning in and speaking softly. "You have lived in the darkness for too long and have a certain love for the power it gives you. I just – I worry about you falling back into it."

Ben's brows tightened. "Truthfully, I was never fully in it to begin with. No matter what I did, the light never left me. Not even after…" Killing his father, Rey finished inwardly as Ben lost focus for a moment. "I don't think the dark side can fully consume me."

"Now that seems like an arrogant statement."

"It's not –"

"And what would you do if I'm killed?" Ben froze, gazing at her. "What would happen to you? You gonna stay with the Resistance and fight the Order? Or are you gonna go back to what you once knew?" Rey knew the questions to be challenging, but she wanted him to think about these things before they actually happened.

"I…" Ben faltered trying to find the answers. "I don't think I'd give up, but I wouldn't know unless I'm actually faced with the scenario – which I hope never happens," he said, his gaze gluing onto her hard. "Also… and I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but what happened with my father… it's the main reason why I haven't completely gone back to being Kylo Ren. So if something happens to you, more than likely I'd either follow you, or live my life alone."

Rey's mouth slackened, not out of offense, but from how honest he'd just been. "Ben…"

"That's what I'll do, and you can't persuade me otherwise."

They gazed at each other before she whispered, "I wouldn't want you to live alone."

He chuckled. "Well, I'm not a make-a-lot-of-friends kind of guy."

"I didn't mean that."

Ben was perplexed for a moment before his eyes went wide with what she was insinuating. "Yeah... I'm just going to get it out in the open, here and now, that I would never love another woman, Rey. It's never going to happen."

"But –"

"You think anyone would put up with me?" He asked passionately. "You're it for me, Rey. You're all I'll ever want. To me, no other girl compares to you, and I have met plenty of women."

Rey cringed, imagining how many women he's slept with. The imagery was vomit inducing.

"I, uh, I promised BB-8 I'd check on him." Rey slid off his lap, but Ben grabbed her hand before she could abruptly leave. He hoisted himself to his full height, gazing at her with worry and confusion.

"Are you mad at me?" he inquired fearfully.

"No." I don't know. Thinking about him with other women… it didn't make her happy, that's for damn sure.

"I know what I was saying about the Force was unconventional, but I wanted to be honest with you."

"I just worry about you and…" she sighed, not really wanting to talk about the ways of the Force anymore. "Can we talk more about this later? I think it'll be good for me to think about it on my own for a while." Really, Rey just wanted to get out of the room. She would think about what Ben said; she'll just do it once she gets certain graphic images from her mind.

"Okay…" His palm slipped away from her wrist, lazily going to his side. "Let me know how BB-8 is doing. He took a hard hit."

"I will... and about Jess... Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine," he assured.

Making her way to the exit, she could feel his eyes on her frame, scrutinizing her every move like it would offer a clue as to what was bothering her. Feeling slightly bad over leaving him in an awkward way, Rey paused, glancing over at him. "I'm not disappointed in you, Ben. And don't think I'm mad at you. Everything's fine." He still looked at her quizzically, which meant she wasn't very convincing. "Call me on the comm link when you get released and I'll come get you."

"You don't need to come –"

"I'll feel better if I did. Okay?" Ben nodded, Rey smiled, and then she left. It was weird that with their obvious connection and having been in the same room, one little comment from him had made her feel miles away. Out of that semi-bizarre conversation, all she could focus on was the fact he had slept with other women before meeting her. Did he ever have feelings for one of them? Or was it all meaningless?

Was this jealousy?

It sure was, and it was over women Rey had never met.

Get a grip. You haven't even been with him, she told herself. But… she wanted to be with him completely and without boundaries.

Even though Rey was a virgin, her mind had no problem plaguing her with a heavy stream of compromising pictures. Rubbing her eyes like it might get rid of them, Rey entered the hallways and made her way to the droid repair center, hoping like hell she didn't dream about those horrid images while sleeping.

With her dreams comprised, there would be no other form of escape.

()()()()()

Ren stiffly sat down on the bed's edge, his eyes still on the door Rey had gone through. He didn't understand: one second she was an active participator in their conversation and the next, she had suddenly checked out. She seemed to be frustrated, but over what? His unorthodox view of the Force was strange, but not something to get mad over. At least, he didn't think so. Maybe she was upset that he wasn't totally forsaking the dark, like she wanted him to.

Her worry over it was warranted and in truth, he was skittish about it as well. There was a reason no on practiced both sides of the Force: sooner or later, the dark became too overwhelming. But even when he willingly wanted to live in that fetid pit, Ren's ties to the light never allowed him to. So, through logic that was shaky at best, he concluded that he was in a way immune to falling completely to the dark side.

Was the deduction arrogant? Partially yes, because, after all, this was him he was dealing with.

One aspect of the revelation Ren couldn't deny was how right it all seemed to be. The feeling was a warm wave rushing over his spine, heating his body to the point of relaxation and contentment. In someone who was not Force sensitive, the sensation was equivalent to being beaten over the head with an electro-baton full of life's answers. It was that obvious.

If only he discovered this six years ago, before he took the plunge into the deep end.

Knowing this new information brought about a new dimension of pain over slaughtering so many people. All those students at the academy, the random deaths, even Lor San Tekka… they all died because he never truly had an opportunity to inwardly reflect without all the outside noise interfering.

Looking back on it, it was becoming easier to see how Ren had been manipulated all his life. And that included Snoke. His old master had coaxed and goaded his ego, telling him exactly what he wanted to hear. What was wrong with him? How could he have fallen for the rose-colored words and handed out compliments?

And why, after everything, did a part of himself still crave to hear those things from him?

Because he wanted a family, and Snoke had taken over the role of guardian. His master had been his true family for most of his life, and such a feeling was hard to exorcise.

Rubbing his face and breathing deeply, Ren needed a distraction from thinking about his former master. His sight roamed the cabinets that lined the walls, bringing him back to the present by forming an idea.

He was light on his bare feet as he darted for the drawers. They all had simple locks that were easy to mentally open and it didn't take long to find what he needed before sensing Hater's approaching presence. The door opened just as he made it to the bed, sitting in much the same way as before.

The doctor greeted him with a familiar smile, placing a small bag and a handful of books on the counter. "How is your side feeling?" she asked as she grabbed a chair and parked it in front of him. Next, she went for the box of rubber gloves next to the bed and snapped them on.

"Better. I think I can be discharged now."

Sitting directly in his view, Harter said, "Seeing how I'm the doctor, I'll be the judge of that. Can you lift up your shirt so I can take a look?" Ren raised the white tunic, watching as her steady hands went for the bacta-patch covering the small wound. Peeling it back carefully, her fingers outlined the laceration, her eyes scrutinizing the fast progression of healing. "This is impressive," she spoke in wonder. "Even with the bacta-patch, it shouldn't be this healed."

"There are ways to speed the process."

"So I've heard, but to actually see it…" Harter changed the dressing professionally quick, her eyes still showing how deep in thought she had become. Ren lowered his shirt as Harter peeled off her gloves and threw them in the wastebasket by the door. "If only I could somehow bottle up this ability of yours." Ren returned her small grin, shifting his eyes down to his lap as to appear humble.

"Well," Dr. Kalonia said in a stronger voice, "I see no reason to keep you here." She picked up the bag from the counter and handed it to him. Inside were his jacket and boots. "The blood wouldn't come out of your shirt and trousers, so those had to be thrown away. But this jacket seems to be indestructible." He fished it out, sliding his arms into the familiar fabric. "Sorry you have to wear the medical garb out of here."

"It's alright," he reassured her. A speedy trip to his room would cure him of the pale ensemble.

"How are you doing?" Harter asked.

Placing the boots on his feet, Ren replied, "Fine. The bruises don't hurt and I'm more than capable –"

"I didn't mean physically," she interrupted.

Straightening his back, he glanced up and was glad not to see Harter staring at him with the same level of worry Rey had. Her face was even and stoic, like a doctor should be.

"I'm fine," he repeated.

"I understand you've been trying to get an audience with Leia," Harter said without even a blink.

Ren exhaled like he'd been punched in the gut. "Have you… spoken with her recently?" If Skywalker didn't want to give him answers, maybe Harter would.

"Yes."

"Is she really as busy as I've been told?"

The doctor went back to sitting in the chair, making it so she didn't have to look down at him. Indeed, her bedside manner was exceptional. "With the Republic in shambles, she's being forced to act like a senator and a general all at the same time." Ren nodded, knowing that was more than likely one of the reasons. "But," Harter added, "that doesn't mean she has zero time to see you."

"So… she is ignoring me."

"Possibly. She's never outright said that."

"You're one of her closest friends, and yet you're fine telling me this?

Harter rubbed her lips together, taking her time with finding the right words. "I know that it bothers you," she said in a hushed voice. "When you were young, you spent a lot of your free time following me around at the clinic, hounding me with questions no child should've actually thought up. Leia is my friend; she always will be, but I've never agreed with her parenting technique." Or lack of parenting technique. "I noticed how it hurt you. How… sad you were. For what it's worth, Leia called me before I came in here and asked how you were doing."

It was worth very little.

Glancing away at the good doctor, Ren wasn't sure how to feel. He felt embarrassed that Dr, Kalonia had noticed how lonely he'd been, frustrated over Leia ignoring him, and surprised that he really cared.

"Did you know I was once married?"

Ren's eyes shifted back to her face, surprised over what she just said. "You were?"

"Yeah. I married my childhood sweetheart when I was eighteen and became pregnant with my daughter a few months later."

What? "I didn't know you have a daughter."

"I did," she said solemnly. "Once. My husband and her were killed in a speeder accident when she was four. After that, I was lost for a while until my parents told me I should give medicine a shot." Harter spoke so evenly over something so tragic, it was eerily weird. But Ren figured that over time, she got used to her own reality. "I was always drawn to science, so I agreed and worked hard while in school. I poured every ounce of myself into my career, and then one day, I realized I was fifty and alone. I never truly processed my grief over losing my family, and it inadvertently left me shut out to the possibility of getting another chance."

She glanced at the door, her mind transporting her to the past for a brief second. "Things... happen that are beyond our control, and if we never let the hurt go, we become stagnant, never moving forward." Looking back at him, her eyes seared into his brain, holding him in place. "Don't let your youth define you as a person, okay? Accept the unchangeable and move on. Understand?"

Ren nodded, because he had no idea what else to do.

"I know I don't have to tell you to stay out of trouble, but I'm going to anyway." Harter stood, pegging him with a stern look and staring at him from under low brows. "Stay out of trouble… and don't forget the books on the counter."

They exchanged their goodbyes and then the silence of the room prevailed upon Ren like a turbulent storm. While lingering in the private space longer than necessary, he didn't know if he had it in him to forget his past and the lies that had surrounded it. Would holding onto ill feelings make him incapable of truly living? He sure did feel alive as he looked around the room.

Gathering the heavy books before departing, he found Terr and Garreaus waiting for him by the med bay's exit. They were bruised far worse then he, but then again, they couldn't heal themselves.

"Man, it's really not fair that we have to walk around looking like this," Terr's finger circled his swollen face, "while you get to cheat. At least your stuck with that hideous scar."

"I take it you guys are doing okay?"

"We've had worse," Garreaus responded candidly. "Luckily nothing was broken. How's BB-8?"

"Rey went to check on him. I was going to go find her after I stopped by my room to change."

Terr shifted his weight between legs, looking nervous. "Oh. Well, we were wondering if you wanted to come visit Liz with us. She has a room just down the hall so she can be close to the medical wing."

Ben's heart jumped in his throat, making it hard to swallow. "Ummm, is that fine with her? I don't want to come by unannounced."

"Of course it's fine. She wants to see you so she can thank you."

His eyes pivoted between the two men. "For what?"

"For what?!" Terr basically shouted. "Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact you saved her daughter. Some people might view that as a big deal."

But Ren didn't want to be thanked for that. He didn't want to be thanked period. "I'll, uh, come by tonight after last meal, if that's alright." He was already trying to find a way out of not going. "Rey wanted to meet up after I was discharged." Not a complete lie…

"Sure. We'll see you at dinner and then bring you over here."

As they parted, Ren robotically walked to the section of the base where his room would be, all the while getting silent stares from passing individuals. He didn't want to think about visiting Liz. In a way, he felt like he let her down by not being there to save Jorfel. Yes, he gave her back Anna, but… he still felt like a failure.

Maybe he expected too much from himself. He wasn't the Force; he couldn't be everywhere.

Making it back to his room, be put the medical supplies he'd stolen into his closet, along with the books. After he changed into his usual don't-think-about-approaching-me attire, he headed back out, following Rey's Force signature to the other side of the base. Really, this whole place was a work out all its own: there were no multiple levels, no basement to save space. This whole facility was one, even floor that expanded over a few miles of land. Some parts of the base were still being revamped so it was livable, which was why the council stayed on the cruiser – their plethora of suites weren't ready to be inhabited just yet. They graciously wanted the regular living bunks to be finished first.

Their noble orders almost brought a tear to his eye.

Jarringly, an invisible rope pulled on Ren gut, almost causing him to lose balance. Shifting his eyes to the right, he halted, vaguely feeling someone walk into his back and say something. But as he focused down the intersecting hallway to the door at the far end, he couldn't hear anything as his body started to vibrate. Ren had passed by the corridor earlier, when he'd been mindlessly running while trying to find a way outside. He had ignored the gut-tugging feeling then, but now, as his eyes went tunnel vision, he didn't want to.

Walking to what seemed to be a normal entrance, an official Data Center sign was placed by the operating panel. Between one blink and the next, he entered the room, taking in the numerous servers and monitors that lined the walls. Most Resistance troopers visited the center when they wanted access to a mainframe with higher processing capabilities, since datapads could only get you so far.

A woman in the far corner stood, her eyes widening from the sight of him. In her shaky hands was her personal datapad. Diving into her mind, Ren commanded, "You will give me your datapad and leave this room with no memory of ever seeing me."

Her eyes glazed over as she entered a trance-like state. "I will give you my datapad and leave this room with no memory of ever seeing you." Striding over, she handed over the sleek tech and left, giving Ren full reign over the area. Well, until someone walked through the door.

Ren went over to one of the compact server boxes and wirelessly linked it into the network. He didn't know why he had the urgent need to do this, but something in the back of his thoughts was urging him forward, demanding that he kept going. The prompting was hard to ignore, so he didn't.

With the datapad acting as a monitor, he went to the Galactic Identification Archives and searched for one of the names he'd kept buried in the back of his mind over the past few weeks. What the monitor showed confused him:

Jacen Storand, name unknown.

But the man was real. Ren had seen it in Unkar Plutt's mind weeks ago. And it wasn't like that slug knew how to create false memories.

Ren quickly tried the next name, only to receive the same result:

Maridia Ropetho, name unknown.

Unknown? That can't be possible. Unless... Were their names erased from the archives?

Ren quickly went to the New Republic Archives, his heart starting to batter against his ribs as adrenaline pumped his anxiety up another notch. Throughout the years, he'd become well versed in many different skill sets, but hacking hadn't been one of them. He knew the basics, but those insufficient means were getting him nowhere and he didn't have an infinite amount of minutes left in this room.

As an idea came to his mind, he scoffed it off as being ridiculous. But looking more into the prospect, he realized that senators were not the only people who had access to New Republic records; high-ranking military officials did as well.

His father had been an official general of the Rebellion and New Republic, and Ren still remembered his credentials and passcode. Problem was, when he had given the information over to the Order when he joined, they told him it didn't work anymore.

But… maybe the hold on the passcode was removed when Han went back to the Resistance… before he left for Starkiller….

With shaky hands, Ren typed the numbers and letters and almost fainted when he saw that he was in. Finding his focus, he typed the first name into the file search bar and finally got somewhere.

Name: Jacen Storand.

Species/Gender: Human male

Born: 14 BBY

Death: Deceased

Homeworld: Coruscant

Spouse: Maridia Ropetho

Species/Gender: Human Female

Born: 10 BBY

Death: Deceased

Homeworld: Dandoran

Children: Reyna Storand

Species/Gender: Human Female

Born: 15 ABY

Death: Deceased

Homeworld: Coruscant

There were no pictures of the three, nor did it give any information on how they died. If this was indeed what Ren thought it was, then the girl Reyna was still very much alive and the records had been falsified. Could that mean Jacen and Maridia still lived? And why would anyone tamper with these files? Obviously, someone erased their existence from the public archives, but overlooked doing the same in private government records.

Scrolling down, he found a video file named Operation Gambit. A few paragraphs below that was an official report. Even though Ren knew he should leave, he initiated the video before reading the rest.

A woman was huddled in the corner of a cell, her head down on her knees, long arms wrapped around her legs. Her heavy robes draped her frame, covering her skin from neck to foot. The angle was from a camera in the upper corner of the room, giving Ren a full shot of the entrance. There was a -click- and a man glided into the quarters, his face seething with disgust for the vulnerable woman. She lifted her head to look –

Ren suddenly gripped the datapad harder, surprised it didn't crack under the pressure. His mouth went dry as he studied the woman's face, thinking back to when he last saw her weeks ago... in a dream… where she had been leaving her child behind on Jakku. Ren's ears rang as he recalled how he suffered through the torrential screams of that little girl and how he'd been powerless to stop her from being dragged away by that obese alien.

This woman was Rey's mother.

"You have no right to hold me here. I've done nothing wrong," Maridia spat at the tall officer. The man looked familiar, but Ren couldn't place where he'd seen him.

"I have every right, actually," the man said, walking around the cell pompously. "Especially after everything your family has done to the galaxy."

The woman huffed indignantly, her eyes looking murderous. Gods, Rey had those fiery eyes. "I told you, I'm not a descendant of the Emperor. My mother was born on Dandoran, just like her mother before her. We have a family trading business that's been in my family for hundreds of years –"

"We have reason to believe your mother was not born into your family, but taken in."

Maridia blinked. "No, she wasn't." She stood while shaking her head. "My grandmother would always tell us how complicated her pregnancy was–."

"Lies, no doubt to hide what she knew she was harboring. How long have you known about your true origins?"

The woman didn't answer.

"You have a child, right? You and your husband must've dropped her off somewhere before we caught up with you. Where is she?"

"You'll never find her."

As the man sized the woman up, probably thinking about getting the information through physical means, distant shouting came through the audio. What soon followed was jumbled and hard to focus on, but Ren was able to decipher the quick succession of events. Someone burst into the room and went after the interrogator, yelling for Maridia to escape. Reinforcements entered and the woman screamed as she ran at the armed battalion. Blaster fire lit up the small holding cell and once everything calmed, Maridia and the man who came to save her were dead.

"What have you done!" The head interrogator shouted at the men. He fell next to the woman, trying to find any signs of life.

"She ran at us, and the man was trying to kill you!" A guard shouted.

The officer wheeled around. "I don't care what they were doing, the orders were clear that they were not to be harmed! They were –" Ren paused the video, eyes glued to the outline of the man's facial structure and eyes. With a clarity that made him sick, he realized that this was Major Ematt, one of the Resistance council members.

Ren was breathing hard, his whole body trembling, his gray cells firing at a rate he couldn't keep up with. Somehow, he'd gone through the motions of transferring the file to the datapad and securing it against his waist between his trousers and skin. Hiding the pad with his shirt, he let his feet guide him out into the hallway since his head and heart were too fried to remain in the present.

After a few minutes, Ren purchased his mind and calmed his heart to a rate that wasn't in heart-attack territory. Many different scenarios had ran through his mind as to why Rey's parents never came back for her, but what he just witnessed was the last thing he thought he would ever find. Sure, he figured they were dead and that was the reason why he never brought the names up to Rey. But murdered by the holier-than-though government?

None of it made sense. Was the New Republic really hunting Palpatine's descendants? Did the Emperor even have any? He never heard of the man having children, but Ren couldn't put it out of the realm of possibility. After all, Vader had children….

The headache came on sharp and fast, like he had taken a nail directly to his frontal lobe. Putting a hand against the cold wall, he listed to the right and thought… well, shit, this had to be in the top worst moments of his life and this newly discovered information didn't even pertain to him. Ren closed his eyes and seriously considered throwing up, and while the debate raged in his head whether or not to actually do it, he thought of Rey – not as the woman she was now, but of the child she had been.

She'd been dumped on that unforgiving and merciless planet for reasons that were becoming obvious, but still somewhat unclear, and forced to grow up alone over the span of fifteen years. And it had all been set in motion because her parents were being hunted over a 'likelihood' and killed during an unsuccessful escape. The New Republic did this to her, and by association, the Resistance as well.

Major Ematt was on the council.

Major Ematt… was on… the fucking… council.

That familiar shadow came up behind him, whispering, seducing, pulling him toward a plan for retribution that made his insides spike with anticipation. In his time spent here, he'd never felt more like Kylo Ren than in this moment, not even when he was out there in the jungle. He wanted to concede control over to this part of himself, to let it take the wheel until the violence was completed.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, laughter was echoing, maniacal and greedy. His breathing hitched as he recognized he was spiraling into that void again, the one that always enticed him with a good deal but gave him fodder in return. Gods, he was going crazy feeling this divided between right and wrong. And he thought he could live in balance? What an extremely naïve thing–

"Ben!" Rey shouted from behind, her voice booming from down the hall.

Ren inhaled sharply from surprise, causing spit to lodge itself in his trachea. Coughing like he was trying to expel a lung, Rey, Poe, and a pristine looking BB-8 came up beside him, casting him worried looks. Rey patted his broad back, soothing him to breath normally. It took longer than normal to set an even rhythm, and it wasn't because he'd been choking on spit.

"I didn't think it was possible for you to get startled," Poe poked fun. "And did you take a few laps around this place after you got discharged? You're all sweaty."

"You don't look well. Are you feeling okay?" Rey asked.

"Uh huh," Ren heard himself say, unsure as to whom he was answering.

"I was going to ask you about Jess, but maybe you should go lay down in your room for a bit," Poe suggested.

Ren's gut fell even further at the mention of that girl. Currently, he was experiencing life at a rate of several what-the hells per hour and he was getting pretty disoriented. With no mental ledge to hold onto, his eyes bounced around as they attempted not to look at Rey directly. "Yeah, sure, sounds good."

Poe frowned. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes, I'm not fucking deaf," Ren bit out harshly. Poe tensed, glancing at Rey.

"Okay. Well… I'll just see you two at dinner. Lets go BB-8." The droid tried to protest by bringing up his responsibility to stay with Ren.

"Rey's got that covered. C'mon, buddy."

Ren watched the droid hesitate and then leave along with its master, feeling a tinge of guilt over not acknowledging BB-8's presence. That droid really proved himself out in the jungle when trying to bring down one of those –

"Hey," Rey whispered, grabbing Ren's face so he would focus on her. Her eyes were the soft hazel he'd grown so accustomed to seeing, and he trembled when he saw how they melted into concern. "I thought I was going to meet you at the medical facility." Ren stayed quiet. "Seriously, what's going on? You seem anxious."

Diving back into the databank of memories, he replayed that video again, the one that shouldn't even exist. If he told Rey all that he knew… it would ruin her. And if he wanted to murder Ematt for cursing Rey to a life filled with seclusion? She would no doubt want to as well. The dark side was waiting to claim her, but he'd made a promise that he would never let her fall into that raw pit of inky malevolence.

He blinked once… twice… and made up his mind that he was never going to tell her.

I originally had a lot more stuff happening in this chapter, but had to save it for later due to length and my problem with writing way too much. Anyway, who thinks Ren's decision will blow up in his face? What did you think about his epiphany of living with both sides of the Force instead of choosing one? Also, we found out what happened to Rey's parents! There are still things missing to that story that will be revealed over the next little bit, so brace yourselves!

Also, I just started my own tumblr page under the same name, vinventure12. I don't do a lot of social media, so I probably wont post a lot. But I'll post updates on the chapter I'm currently writing and let you guys know when I am getting closer to publishing the new chapter.

Thanks so much for reading! If you have a minute, leave a review. I love hearing from all of you!