Fran's words and warnings only sank in now as her voice echoed with Belphegor, their argument deepening. He said to choose happiness this time around. Viper admitted to herself long ago that what she felt combined with the reality of things was toxic. All that there ever was is hurt. While it's true that she would always reason out one cannot choose who they love, there is always a choice to let go and be free.
Right now, she was reconsidering everything.
Her feelings of conflict were being pushed by their argument that leads to contradicting sides, her suffering and doubt that compiled through all these years felt like they were being disregarded and thrown. Normally, when you love someone, you'd be thrilled to be in their presence, especially if your hand was suddenly asked for marriage. But why did she not feel the same?
The questions in her head wanted answers. Her worth was still nonexistent despite the sudden display of romantic motivations. It felt no different than what she felt with Fon—in fact it felt worse. She felt ill-treated.
Does she not have the right to feel bitter about how she was treated?
"The hell are you saying—wasn't this what you wanted?"
She wanted it before.
But as it all made sense, how they will never go back to how things were... Viper was starting to reconsider.
It would be quite simple to run away right now. To push him away not with the force of her physical strength, but through her powers. To disappear in the night would be child's play for her. Yet her feet remained in place, stand unwavering. No matter how much logic dictated she was only hurting herself by staying, she stayed. And she hated herself for this. She was wavering, but for now she stayed in place.
"IT WAS A FUCKING MISTAKE."
All of this was. Hoping endlessly. Clinging on to foolish thoughts of love and companionship. All of it.
The illusionist was confused when Belphegor toned down and spoke lowly. Even more so when he took her by the wrist and started dragging her again. He even took the blame for once, although it was too early for celebrations. While she was somehow glad the argument came to a halt as she was already reaching her limit, she wanted to move away, to ask for space. Not to be dragged off again elsewhere.
Suddenly the years they spent together with minimal interactions felt better. At least then they didn't have to wreck each other. Viper remained silent as she lets Belphegor do as he pleases, drowning her again in their sea of confusion. Her eyes settled on the pastries before them, a heavy hit of nostalgia coming her way. Every single dessert on the table reminded her of a much more peaceful time. This eased her to some degree, enough not to complain when the younger Varia took it upon himself to welcome himself on her lap, hiding there as if his hair wasn't enough to conceal half his face.
Belphegor...
He started to speak differently. As if the Belphegor from a few minutes ago was completely different than the one on her lap right now. As his words started to sink in, Viper desperately tried not to tremble, especially since he was so close and holding on to both her hands. He spoke in his usual possessive manner, asserting dominance both in deeds and words. But this side of Belphegor was considerably gentler—more desperate, in a sense. As if it would devastate him if after all of this, Viper would still choose not to stay.
"...if all of this is true, then why..." She swallowed her words, trying hard to keep a straight face on. Belphegor had removed himself from the comforts of her lap and looked up, amber eyes clear as the moonlight above them permits. This time around, she can read him perfectly. There was terror and discomfort in his eyes. Viper felt even more conscious, but still, she carried on with her words, ignoring the falling droplets in her weary eyes. "…you never answered why. Why was it necessary to isolate me? To push me into leaving? For the longest time, I felt none of what you just said, Prince. So do not hate me if I do not believe you."
She wanted to believe him, but he wasn't giving her any reasons to. He was so easy to change, even now. One moment he was full of anger, and now he seemed more tamed. What if, not even a week from now, he chooses to revert back to his cold self? Viper was strong. But to risk herself all over again and go through the same heartache... she needed to be sure. Being asked all of a sudden for marriage fixes none of the doubt that compiled in her mind.
- (going back) -
The Prince has faced multiple problems in his twenty four years of existence. But never did he have to face a crying woman. He wanted to order her to stop crying but he knew it would fall on deaf ears. Belphegor himself never cried. And while the illusionist was not sobbing heavily or bawling her eyes out, to simply see her hurt face look even more so was simply too out of scope. He was not prepared to handle this.
"Oi—why the hell are you crying, Mammon?" Belphegor shamelessly asked, still finding the answers for her questions. He tried wiping the droplets on her cheeks, but they seemed to come at an endless supply. Pressured to answer her questions and to comfort (something a Prince is never equipped to do), he did the sole thing he knew: he pinched her cheeks and stretched it. A gesture the illusionist could only answer with a surprised squeak.
"B-Belphegor!" Viper protested, conflicted with this sudden familiar gesture. She did nothing to disrupt him when he was speaking his heart out (if what he really said was true) yet here he was, being a brat. She wanted to laugh and at the same time cry some more, but doing so would just cause a repeat of the cheek-pulling. "Bel!"
While it was an uncalled for gesture, it halted the illusionist from lingering in her more resentful and hurt thoughts. An illusionist is only as strong as her illusions, and for Viper, the way she is able to masterfully twist emotion and convert it to pain and fear is what makes her magic so horrifyingly truthful. She hasn't realized this herself, but for someone usually so stoic, she is prone to being an emotional wreck. Easy to mask, yes. But to completely rid herself of it? It was impossible. It was in her nature to twist reality.
"...what else do you expect from me if you suddenly cry like that." He murmured his response, hands dropping down along with his head. She wasn't used to the Prince being bashful. He usually had a strong stand with what he has to say, whether they were right or not. But just like Viper, the Prince was still sorting his thoughts as they conversed. Everything was both new and fragile. The younger and more inexperienced with emotions of the two could only do so much.
"It's not like you to look away." Viper pointed out, despite her own display of oddness.
"As if you were one to cry." Touche.
Viper almost forgot why she had been holding on for so long—it was just like Belphegor said, no matter what they did, they can't go back to how everything used to be. There were times such as this where they think they're heading off to the same path, but a path backwards not only mean the good times, but going back to what caused the misunderstandings and hurt too. There was never one without the other. "I am just as lost on this as you, Prince. To go back to how things were feels like a dream that will never be realized. You are aware of this, aren't you?" Perhaps it was too late, she feels. Or they were too different now. "Then why persist?"
Not at all too happy about how she chose to look at things, Belphegor resisted and spoke up, hands still on the same spot where her now reddened cheeks are. He squeezed them lightly, enough to gain more protests from the arcobaleno. "Perhaps this is why I haven't been able to approach you all this time, you cheeky little baby. You ask the most difficult questions." Another pinch, and the Prince gathered enough resolve to proceed. "Those questions you have, you'd hate me for it, however I do not have the grand answers you're seeking. I was being a stupid child. I hurt you. Things blew up. Even if I attempt to make up for it all by giving you all the sweets in the world, you'll just get fat and that won't change a thing. And even if I give you all the money I have and will ever have, surely that won't be enough to ease your worries. In a way, you are right. Why persist?"
The Prince let out a loud a chuckle, accepting it in himself that no matter how much he gives everything some thought or plan out his actions, there is no going back once mistakes have been done. This was evident when he stabbed and almost killed her. Even if he stared at her then or brought up the nerve to apologize, it wouldn't bring her back to life if things had gone worst. When he chose to be indirect instead of being clear in his intentions, he couldn't simply take it back when it was taken the other way around. It took him years to realize this. It may have been late, but the Varia Prince was more than willing to do what he can despite his foolishness in the past. Of course he would never admit his own mistakes if it was with anyone else. But If it was only to Mammon—to the partner he cherishes and hopes to keep—he's willing to make an exemption. "I fucked up at some point and I can't erase it. You can rest well knowing I will admit to everything without an excuse."
Not excusing yourself as a Prince this time around?, the illusionist mentally notes this, surprised and unusually impressed. It wasn't like the Belphegor he knew at all to be responsible. Plus, the whole blame wasn't his alone. She was just as unclear to him for the most part. And it was exactly because of their refusal to correct their wrongs earlier that they now suffer this complicated present.
Two morons, she can almost hear Fran say this with absolutely disdain.
It felt like it died some time in between their arguments and disheartening choice to accept they have committed one too many mistakes, but Belphegor's signature Cheshire grin resurfaced.
Viper was convinced they were reaching a conclusion. A conclusion when they had to accept what they chose to ignore all these years. However, the other's grin threw her off track. She halted herself from committing to her thoughts right away. "...and you're grinning like a fool, because?" Curious. She grew curious of the way he seemed to find delight in all of this wherein she could see none. At least some things haven't changed.
"Because you fail to realize that I am not doing all this to go back to how things were." With a light pinch, he tried to emphasize what he was trying to say in the only way he knew how. To him, it was all very simple, "While I enjoyed your cheekier self, the person who's company I constantly seek is still you."
Viper blinks, not protesting this time. If anything, she was controlling her embarrassment from displaying. To suddenly ask for marriage was startling and hard to swallow. But somehow, this puts her more at ease. She dared not tease when a questions pops up in her head. She wanted a definite answer. Not for it to be thrown back to her face, no sarcasm, no jokes, no laughter. Just the simple truth. Sweeping his messy golden bangs away from his eyes, she paves way for her to understand him more. To truly believe in what he was saying. Eyes never lied. "Are you saying you missed me, Bel?"
Sneaky, aren't you? He deprived her of the one thing he expected tonight, and here she was asking it from him. It hasn't been long since they've talked once more, but the mist arcobaleno has been forcing the prideful Varia Prince to set aside his ego more times than he can in an entire lifetime. He's forgotten it to some degree, but Belphegor was starting to remember how easily it was to get trapped by the devious Mammon. The Prince lets out a three syllable laugh, amused.
"Well?" Impatient as ever, Viper nags at him, refusing to be answered by laughter alone. "Do you?"
Love and all it's bullshit indeed. You are as unfair as ever, Mammon. Perhaps her answer could wait for another time. For now, it was his turn to say: "I do."
Word Count: 2,290
Note:
Again, I'm obviously out of practice so forgive me if I have trouble composing my thoughts.
It's not a very long update but this ends the 'Lost & Found' part of the story.
About the reviews so far:
lovingmukuro: always good to see familiar names still reading. Less awkward, definitely. They haven't had a decent conversation in this entire story! Not that this is very pleasant, but it's a start ;) and thank you for your patience :D
Zeilyinn: i know right? FINALLY! The story is nearing it's end, and I guess I only have an epilogue to write before it can finally be 'complete'. Thank you for reading so far :)
Hesper: Thank you for that :D I barely had time to read back. I'll edit it as soon as time permits he he. And as for the proposal, that's the main reason Fran was sooooo hesitant for Belphegor to go through with his plan. It is stupid xD But the Prince thinks otherwise. And thank you for noticing the bits from the previous chapters! I do tend to bring back tidbits from previous chapters since it makes the story more whole, despite the gap between updates and the actual length of the story. Looking forward to hearing what you think, as always :)
Please do tell me what you think! Any feedback is highly appreciated.
Follow the story if you're curious to know what happens to these two, and a few words as a review would be rad. They urge me to write more and update faster ouo
Oh, and since I normally write stuff from Midnight to around 6am, typos and stupidity is inevitable. Feel free to point them out!
Thanks for reading!
