**Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my college debt and "The Host" hardback book by Stephenie Meyer (which my fiance so kindly purchased for me).This chapter contains mature sexual content; please don't read if you are underage. Oh and FYI, the legal age of consent in Washington state is 16, so there are no laws being broken. Thank you.
"You've got magic inside your finger tips
Its leaking out all over my skin
Everytime that I get close to you
Your makin me weak with the way you
Look through those eyes
And all I see is your face
All I need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above
Yeah, oh I need you."
--Magic by Colbie Caillat
Chapter 28: Giving Him My Everything
The walk back to my house with Jacob was almost as silent as the one there. The sights and sounds of nature surrounding us soothed me as our footsteps fell into a rhythmic dance. He wasn't angry with me anymore. He was making that obvious by holding my hand and occasionally rubbing his thumb against mine, gestures speaking louder than words. It was a simple indication to most, but it stirred my mind and made it nearly impossible for the smile I was wearing to escape my hold. Even though everything was messed up and we both knew that Edward would always hold a piece of my heart, somehow I was happy. He was happy. We were happy. Just Being. It was enough—the minute, simple things, like the way my hand seemed to fit perfectly inside his. It was all enough.
He didn't stay long at my house that evening, and though we really had a lot to talk about, Charlie's presence didn't allow for much exchange. Sunday, Jacob stopped in for a few hours, but once again we didn't get much alone time. The following week seemed to pass by slower than molasses in the winter. My fifty minute class periods felt like hours and hours upon end. Jessica seemed to be getting exceedingly more eager to become my friend again, for reasons I'm still not sure of, and Cole was nowhere to be found. Big surprise there. Quite frankly, I was happy he wasn't in school because I just wanted to focus on Jacob and me, with no outside distractions. Nothing was going to come between us anymore. However, that didn't stop my curiosity from getting the best of me. Did he leave? Would he even be back? Where did he go after school each day and what did he do?
If I were to map out the events of the week it would look something like:
Monday—dreaming of Jacob.
Tuesday—dreaming of Jacob and his smile.
Wednesday—dreaming of a shirtless Jacob and his smile.
Thursday—dreaming of a shirtless Jacob in only his boxers.
It was safe to say Jacob was the main centering theme of all of my thoughts and feelings. I was finding it really hard to concentrate in class and focus on school work. Maybe it was because graduation was only two months away and everyone was starting to get antsy, or maybe I was just anxious about losing my virginity after eighteen solid years of keeping it all to myself. Even though time was passing by so slowly, it allowed me more time to daydream about Jacob and our weekend together. It only made me more eager for the weekend to be here. How was a girl supposed to prepare for this? Was there some sort of routine to follow on d-day? I had all of these questions with no one to get the answers from. The only person I felt comfortable talking about my personal life with was Jacob, and he wasn't exactly an option this time. Times like these made me miss Alice so much more, though, ironically enough, I wouldn't be having them if she were here.
When Friday afternoon finally rolled around, and the final school bell rang signaling the beginning of the weekend, I nearly sprinted outside to my truck. For the record, I convinced Jacob that he no longer needed to drive me to and from school, and thankfully he complied. Of course, on my way to my truck I was stopped by Angela asking me what my plans were for the weekend, and then by Mike who asked me for the tenth time that week where Cole was and why he somehow got a free pass out of going to school—still not entirely sure what brought on this obsession of his. Then, I thought I had finally beat the storm and was just about to climb into solitude, when Jessica walked by my truck and stopped to talk to me for five whole minutes about her and Mike's latest fiasco. I normally would have found her ranting somewhat bearable, but not now. Not today. I stood nodding my head at all the right times and gasping occasionally just to add a little more effect. Finally, someone else caught her attention from across the parking lot and she excused herself only to run off to exercise a different ear. I was free. With nothing left to stop me, I climbed into my truck and pulled out of the school parking lot onto the road that would bring me home.
Just as promised, Charlie already left for his fishing weekend when I arrived home, but regardless there was still a letter on the counter that read:
Bella,
Left for the trip. Fridge is stocked. Be good and call Billy if you need help with anything.
Love, dad.
I crumpled the paper in my hand and threw it into the trash, leaning my back against the counter and closing my eyes while letting out a sigh of relief. Finally, I was home--the week was nothing but a blur in my past. Now I just had to wait for Jacob to get here. My stomach was already doing somersaults at the thought of what his presence would ultimately lead to. A moment later, I jumped at the sound of a knock at the door which brought me abruptly out of my contemplations. I hurried over and glanced out the window to find Jacob standing on my front porch preoccupied with something to the right of my house while he waited. I wasn't exactly expecting him this early. Normally I wouldn't complain about seeing him, but I still had a lot of preparing to do and suddenly I realized how incredibly nervous I was. I had to play it cool though—act completely normal. I took a deep breath and flung the door open, silently praying that he wouldn't be able to notice my anxiety.
"Hello," he said, grinning at me. Was it just me or was his smile wider than usual?
"Hello," I replied a little too formally. Off to a great start, moron.
We both stood staring at each other for a minute before Jacob finally said, "So, are you going to let me come in or do I have to stay outside?"
"Oh right. Sorry," I said, already getting flustered as I stepped aside and watched him casually stroll inside. I shut the door gently behind me, taking a little longer than necessary. God, I was seriously being ridiculous. It was just Jacob! When I turned around to face him again, slowly letting my eyes glide over his body, starting from his feet and ending at his gaze, all of that changed. I'm not sure what it was—maybe the way his muscles were protruding out of his arms as he crossed them firmly in front of him, or the way he was looking at me intently—smirking and biting down a little on his bottom lip, but man, he was so far from being just Jacob anymore. Just Jacob didn't seem to fit properly together in the same sentence. He wasn't just anything. He was everything. And, he was sexy.
"Thank God it's Friday," he said in a deep, almost seductive tone. I would be lying if I said I didn't almost melt to the floor right then and there, but somehow I managed to keep my composure. Okay, well let me rephrase that. I managed to keep my composure on the outside, but on the inside I felt like my nervous system was going into overdrive. My heart had already picked up its pace—conveniently thumping loudly against my ribcage-- and my lungs were currently doing double time.
"TGIF," I managed to say, my voice coming out shaky—practically giving my cover away.
He took one large stride toward me, closing the gap between us, and brought both of his hands up onto the sides of my face. He stared into my eyes for a moment—saying so much without speaking a single word-- and gently pushed some of my stray hairs out of my eyes. His hand continued on and glided down the side of my cheek--his thumb brushing over my bottom lip. Before I had time to think, he leaned his head down toward me until his lips softly met mine. He kissed me gently and lovingly at first, but after a moment our arms were entangled, our bodies collided, and our hands tugged and pulled. I parted my lips with intentions to deepen the kiss while the only thing I could think of was: Now? Already? Is this going to be it?
"Not now," Jacob breathed against my lips just before he pulled away, breaking our kiss. As usual, he was directly tuned into my thoughts-answering my questions that had yet to be asked. Slowly my eyes fluttered open as my mind tried to come down from the cloud it was floating on.
"You'll just have to hold that thought until later," he said, winking at me and sliding his hands down off my face and onto the sides of my upper arms. I felt my face flush and cursed myself for still acting this way in front of him after all this time.
"Later?" I asked, trying to hide my embarrassment.
"Yeah, I have to go home and help my dad with a few things. Besides, he doesn't know I'm sleeping here and surely he'd be suspicious if I just stayed here all day," he replied, smirking. "Oh, if only he knew what I really did when I was 'patrolling.'"
"Jacob!" I shouted. "You're going to make me feel guilty lying to our parents like this."
"Oh please Bells, they know exactly what goes on, they just try to ignore what's right in front of their faces. It's easier that way," he said, chuckling. "Charlie and I are tight; he would probably root me on."
"Okay, ew," I said, scrunching up my nose in disgust and pulling away from his hold to walk over and lean against the counter. "Let's not talk about this anymore. It's really freaking me out."
He followed my path and stood a mere inch away from where I stood, arrogantly leaning over me and placing his hands on top of where mine were planted on the countertop. He was looking down at me from the height advantage he had and I wanted to wipe that wryly "Jacoby" grin off his face.
"Paul told me he had lunch with you last weekend," he said suddenly, still smirking, obviously getting enjoyment out of tormenting me.
"Yeah, I made him a sandwich, are you jealous?" I asked suggestively, playing along with his game.
"I'm going to kill the lucky bastard," he said jokingly, leaning in closer to me so his lips were just barely touching mine. "But in the meantime, I've got better things to do."
He kissed me softly, letting his lips linger against mine, but not giving me the intensity that I was seeking. He pulled away before I was ready and smiled, obviously at the way I must have looked in that moment--completely frustrated. "Patience is a virtue," he said, beaming at me.
"Oh don't even give me that. I am by far one of the most patient girls on this planet. Edward wouldn't even--" I cut myself off, completely shocked by what I was about to say. My hand reflexively shot up and covered my mouth. Jacob's eyes initially grew wide, obviously just as shocked as I was. But then a second later they shifted to reflect hurt and he immediately pulled away from his stance, turning his back to me.
"I-I'm sorry," I said, awkwardly taking a step toward him, but stopped myself from crossing the entire distance between us.
He let out a deep sigh and I watched as the muscles of his back contracted and then relaxed in sync with his breathing. A moment later, he turned around to face me again and oddly enough he looked almost apologetic. The crease in his forehead grew deeper as he studied my expression.
"No, it's okay Bells. Do you want to talk about him?" he asked sincerely, though I could tell it was killing him to be so understanding.
"No," I said quickly, shaking my head to add emphasis on just how true my words were. "Please just forget I said that."
"You know, pretending that he never existed isn't going to solve anything," he said as he walked over and sat down at the kitchen table, turning his head to distractedly look out the window.
I followed him and sat down in the seat across from him, taking one of his hands in mine. "There's nothing to solve."
He shifted his gaze to meet mine and smiled softly, but said nothing. I desperately wanted to change the subject because today wasn't supposed to be like this. Today was supposed to be about us.
"So, Paul mentioned something about Quil, Leah, and Seth…" I said trailing off, leaving it up in the air for him to respond.
"Yes," he said simply. "They will all be joining us soon enough. A big happy family—so how 'bout them Red Sox?"
"What?" I asked in confusion looking down at my feet to find that my socks were definitely white—not red in the slightest.
Jacob immediately burst out into laughter—really loud and obnoxious, might I add. As irritating as it was, I was just happy the earlier tension had faded.
"What's so funny?" I asked, completely oblivious.
"Nevermind," he said still snickering. He stood up and walked over to where I was sitting, and leaned down to kiss the top of my head. "You'll never have the slightest clue how much you mean to me, but I really should get going. The sooner I get home and help Billy, the sooner I can 'patrol.'"
He was already walking over to the front door before I could respond. I followed him and reluctantly said goodbye, though I knew I needed some alone time to prepare for the night ahead.
First, I showered and shaved. But, I was sweating so bad out of nervousness that an hour later, I decided to shower again. I nearly pulled apart my drawers looking for something appropriate to wear. No sweatpants. No long-sleeve T-shirts. No cutesy nightgowns that I got from my great aunt Jenny for birthdays and holidays. I almost settled on just wearing the only half-decent bra and panties I owned, with nothing over top, because it was all going to come off anyway right? However, the thought of being half naked in front of Jacob was making a huge knot form in my stomach. Maybe if I had a body like Rosalie Hale I could pull that off, but the fact remained that I wasn't even attractive enough to be mentioned in the same sentence as her.
Finally, after three hours of preparation, I was clean, shaven, plucked, lotioned, and dressed in a simple pair of short shorts and a tank top that was a little more revealing than what I would normally wear. Even in the confinements of my bedroom, I felt a little too exposed. My legs were too white and bony—my arms too lanky. I left my hair down around my shoulders to add an extra blanket of concealment.
I wasn't sure what time Jacob would arrive, but when my clock revealed to me that it was past nine, my anxiousness reached a whole new level. I wanted to be with him like this more than anything, but at the same time I couldn't help but feel self-conscious. I didn't have the slightest clue what I was doing and sure hoped that even though both of us lacked experience, he'd be able to take the lead. I took in a deep breath and climbed onto my bed, leaning up against my headboard and closing my eyes. Not even a minute later, I heard a familiar creaking of the tree outside my bedroom window. Leave it to Jacob to make the most subtle entrance. I jumped up and quickly opened my window, allowing him to swing his way inside. As usual, he hit my floor with a loud thump but was on his feet a second later. I shut the window and started toward my bed only to find that I was the only one moving. I stopped in my tracks and turned around to find him carefully staring at me. Slowly he eyed me up, starting from my feet and stopping once he met my self-conscious stare. I nervously fidgeted with the bottoms of my shorts, trying to shuffle them down to cover more of my exposed flesh. He raised an eyebrow at me.
"Did you miss me?" He asked, taking a single step toward me, gauging my reaction. There was an electricity in the air—an energy surrounding the significance of this visit.
"Yes," I said in a shaky voice. "You could have used the front door you know."
"What's the fun in that?" he asked smirking, taking another step toward me and taking my face in his hands.
The feel of his hands on my skin was already starting to cloud my mind and make everything else in the room disappear. I could already feel my heartbeat picking up its pace in anticipation for the events that were about to ensue.
"Leave it to you, Jacob," I said, almost breathlessly as his hand started to slide down my neck and come to rest on my bare shoulders.
He grinned and brought his lips to mine in a single much-too-gentle kiss, then released me and finally walked over to have a seat at the edge of my bed. I turned to face him and awkwardly watched him for any signs of what I was supposed to do next. He brought his hand up behind the back of his neck and was scratching it distractedly while looking up at me from under his lashes. I stared at him for another moment and was just about to say something when he interrupted me by clearing his throat and dropping his hand to his side.
"So…" he said sliding himself back so he was sitting at the top of my bed. He opened his legs and patted a small space in between them as if it were meant just for me. "Why don't you come join me?"
That's all the invitation I needed and it basically took everything I had not to sprint onto my bed. I slowly crawled onto it instead, trying to be a little seductive in the process. Though I felt silly, it seemed to be working because I watched Jacob's eyes fall to the open cleavage that was the result of my crawling crouch. He visibly swallowed hard just before I turned to sit smack dab between his legs, pressing my back up against his chest just desperately wanting to be surrounded by his heat. I felt his fingers gently push my hair aside just before is lips made contact with the back of my neck. I shivered against the contrast of temperatures form his breath and the slight chill in the air.
Without speaking, his hands took the place of his lips and he began to massage my shoulders, gently at first—testing the waters. His hands felt like fire as they worked on a path starting at my neck, heading down to my shoulders and then to my upper arms. They went down even further along each side of my body, along my thighs, and curving around to trace their way back up to my neck again. His touch was gentle. So loving. So erotic. And as his repetitions continued on, his massaging grew firmer—more eager and demanding. He was beginning to hike up my shirt and my shorts with every turn, exposing more of my pale flesh to the cold air. Eventually it was becoming too much to bear, and I found myself closing my eyes and biting down on my bottom lip as his hand worked its way up my inner thigh just short of touching me in the places I wanted most. My breathing grew erratic and I shifted myself back against him, eliciting a low rumble out of him. His hands stopped momentarily at the base of my bare stomach as I shifted back against him again—his attraction for me very evident. This was the first time I have ever felt anything like this, and it caused a rush of excitement to flow through my system.
"Bella," Jacob's lips were whispering in my ear in an instant later—tickling every fiber of my neck. "If you don't hold still, I might not be able to take this as slow as I planned."
I visibly tried to relax and hold still like he asked; until his hands finally continued on the path they were momentarily interrupted from. They came to a halt at my shoulders and were then replaced with his lips again. He kissed me softly at the nape of my neck and then moved down following my collar bone—pushing my tank strap down along the way. A second later his lips were at my ear again.
"You have no idea how long I've waited to love you like this…" he whispered almost breathlessly, indicating to me that his breathing was almost as heavy as mine. I felt my body weaken at the brunt of his words, practically melting me in his embrace. "Touching you like this…being close to you like this…"
"Jacob…" I breathed, turning around in his arms to face him. Taking in his face again, in the dim lamp lighting of my room, he looked beautiful. I could see my whole world reflecting back at me in the depths of his eyes and I knew that I was meant for this—to be with him, to love him right here and right now.
He stared intently into my eyes for a long time, as if he were searching for something—seeking out a tiny piece of information. Eventually, he took in a deep breath and smiled, his face softening a little. "I'm the only one that you see."
And, I knew what he meant.
His lips came crashing down on mine, encompassing my mind in a whirlwind of passion. His hands were in my hair, desperately pulling me closer to him. I needed to be closer to him. I was just about to wrap my legs around him, when I felt my back form against the soft give of my mattress. Jacob flipped me down on my back and was hovering over me with a devilish smirk on his face. I felt my lips curve upward due to the contagious nature of his smiles. Slowly, never taking his eyes off of mine, he began to slide himself down my body until his face was directly in line with my right ankle.
"Nice and smooth," he said, rubbing his cheek against the sleek skin of my calf. "You smell good, too." He leaned down and brought his lips to the place his cheek was planted a moment ago.
"It's vanilla and lavender lotion," I blurted lamely. Surely he could care less about what kind of lotion I was wearing. I was nervous and when I was nervous I tended to ramble. A lot. "My mom actually bought it for me for my birthday a few years ago and I don't know why I just never really used it. I'm glad you like the way it smells though because I put it on specifically for that reason and if you didn't like it then that would be…well really stupid of me--"
My speech was halted by the feel of Jacob's mouth slowly making its way up the length of my leg—his breath teasing my senses. I lost all train of thought as I felt his hands engulf my waist and lightly pull me down to meet him in the middle, with my thighs closer to his mouth. He smiled at me before planting a few kisses along my inner thigh, his nose tickling my skin. My breathing grew even more erratic and my legs automatically opened a little wider as if they were begging him to proceed. His eyes diverted up to meet mine, curiously studying my expression with raised eyebrows. My body was already pleading to be touched in places no one has ever been before, but instead of giving it what it was screaming for, he slid himself up until he was completely on top of me and brought his lips down onto mine once again. He kissed me lightly at first until I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer—demanding his lips on mine.
"You've never been more beautiful than you are tonight," he said against my lips. His mouth abandoned mine momentarily only to lick and suck a path along my jaw and down my neck.
"Aren't you nervous at all?" I asked through ragged breaths, my chest rising and falling against his kisses.
"Yes." His voice was just a low whisper. "But I'm trying to be good for you."
"I'm so nervous I feel like I could pass out," I admitted, because he was my Jacob and because he was the one person I could always tell exactly how I was feeling.
"Me too," he said, connecting his lips with my neck again. "But I want this—I want you—more than anything."
After that, no more words were shared because we both wanted the same things. And, we both knew it.
His kisses slid down my neck, licking along my collar bone and diving further to explore the tops of my barely-there cleavage. I closed my eyes as his hands slid under my shirt, pulling it up and over my head—discarding it in a matter of seconds. He took in my appearance for a second—causing me to second guess my decision to wear the pink bra rather than the simple white. I didn't want him to think I was silly.
It wasn't long before his lips found my stomach, slowly following a path down lower and lower towards my…
OH CRAP!
I shot up from my position in an instant, causing Jacob to jump back in alarm--his eyes wide.
"What?! Did I hurt you?!" he asked me, anxiously searching my body for any sign of injury.
"No Jacob I…" I tried to find my words, but had to catch my breath before I could coherently speak. "Oh my God, I feel like such an idiot."
"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.
"This whole week I've been thinking—dreaming—about this night and never once did it occur to me…"
"What? Did what occur to you?" He was pressing me for answers now, obviously frustrated with my lack in elaboration.
"A condom…" I said quietly diverting my gaze down to the bed and feeling my face flush at the word spoken aloud.
He was quiet for a moment and I was almost too embarrassed to look back up at him. I heard him shuffling around in his pocket, chuckling. "Is that all this is about?"
"Yes!" I said, starting to get a little angry that he would take "safe sex" so lightly. However, when I looked back up at him, he was dangling an unopened condom wrapper in front of me and smiling.
"Oh…" I said, my blush growing deeper and once again looking down, this time my eyes reflexively fixating on his crotch. I was imagining exactly where that particular condom was going to go before I realized that I was being painfully obvious. Of course, when my eyes raised to meet Jacob's he was smirking devilishly once again, his eyes reflecting pure amusement.
"At least one of us is responsible," he teased right before he laid me down again and crawled back on top of me. "Oh, and you're not the only one whose been daydreaming."
He picked up right where we left off, kissing me passionately again before kissing down my stomach further and further. This time there was no interruptions, so he stopped at the elastic band of my shorts, glancing up at me with raised eyebrows—asking for permission. The best I could do was nod my head, because at this point there was no way I could form comprehendible words.
Slowly and sensually, leaving his eyes locked on mine, he lowered my shorts around my waist, pulling them down until they were around my ankles. I assisted him in my undressing, by kicking them off, accidentally shooting them across the room. He followed their path and then turned to look at me questioningly. I simply shrugged, waiting for him to continue.
His body covered mine again, providing me with instant warmth, and our lips connected once again. I got lost in our kiss, plunging my tongue into his mouth, tasting the familiarity that made him mine. My hands were scanning over every inch of the muscles that defined his bare back, pulling him firmly against me. He shifted his hips until I could once again feel every bit of him pressed up against my body. My hands idly made their way down to the front of him, finally finding the start of his jeans and nervously fiddling with the button.
Everything was starting to move so fast, my head was spinning, my body was screaming, and my heart was pounding—but Jacob was still the center of my world. He was the only thing that mattered as I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them off of him. He was the only thing that mattered as I allowed him to unclasp my bra and ever so gently remove it. He was the only thing that mattered when I felt his hands explore the exposed skin of my breasts—eliciting feelings inside of me that I never before experienced. And, he was still the only thing that mattered in my entire world when he tenderly slid the last article of clothing from my body.
Everything that I had was completely revealed to the one person that my heart now belonged, and even as his eyes appreciatively scanned over every inch of my body, I somehow felt comforted. He smiled at me and told me I was beautiful before bringing his lips to mine and kissing me with the most emotion and intensity I have ever felt before.
"I love you," he murmured between kisses. "More than anything."
"I love you too," I replied.
And maybe we would have continued on—and maybe I would have given Jacob everything I had to give-- maybe I would have lost my virginity that night—had we not gotten interrupted by a loud pounding stemming from the front door.
A/N: Okay people, this chapter took me FOREVER to write because it was damn long and hella involved.
First and foremost THANK YOU THANK YOU female version soul mate of mine (aka my hubby is no edward).
She is basically like my other half in the virtual world--twins separated at birth perhaps?--and she helped write most of this chapter!
Second, thank you ReLeeS for your awesome beta skills! Glad I was more patient this time! :-D
Sorry for the delay--updates should start coming sooner because school is almost over! YAY!
Review the story , tell me you love me, tell me you hate me? Whatever--regardless I want to hear from you.
