He was sad as he sat on the couch, and he didn't know if he wanted to scream or cry. He was still reeling from the words spoken just minutes…hours before, the words that shattered his heart into tiny little pieces. It wasn't as if he wasn't used to having his heart broken…surprisingly enough he was too used to that. This time he had thought it would be different. This time he thought he had found the one person who would take care of his heart…how could he have been so wrong?"

He didn't really know if he should be sitting here, accepting a cup of warm tea from the guy who was her best friend. Was that right? Did he belong in this apartment now? Or did the end mean that he lost everything? He hurt; in ways he didn't think were possible anymore. The careful shell of confidence he had perfected over time was cracked, and it wouldn't be long before it crumbled completely.

As he sat on the couch, with a blue pair of eyes to his left, and a brown pair to his right he wondered if he should even try. Maybe it was time to give up, to slip into the dark abyss of loneliness he had evaded for so long.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He turned toward the voice, and was surprised to find concern in those brown eyes. He didn't know what he had been expecting, but for some reason it hadn't been that. He had come here seeking friends, but he was afraid to hope that friendliness was what he would find. Somehow he had been proven wrong, but perhaps they didn't know…yet."

"Whatever is wrong James, you can tell us."

He turned to the blue eyes this time, and felt a hand on his shoulder…comforting, soothing. Yet he wondered why they were being so nice.

"We're your friends too, James, lean on us if you need to."

He had to turn away from that gaze, and he found himself staring into the cup he had been given. They would never know just how much those words meant to him at this moment. He needed to hear that…and would probably need them to say it again and again…he was that scared. He had never been more afraid in his entire life.

"I should have known better," He said looking into the dark liquid. "It was a mistake…a big mistake…I shouldn't have listened to you," he turned to his right, green eyes locking with brown. "I should have stuck to my gut and…and…"

His words were gone as quickly as they had come and he darted away from the dark eyes…brown eyes…her eyes were brown.

"James." His head shot up but he didn't look in either direction. Both pairs of eyes were on him…Luke was speaking. "I can't help you, unless you talk to me. Noah and I…we are here for you…but you have to let us in. Let us be your shoulders since you are so good at being ours."

"I don't know what to say." he admitted. "I just…don't know anything anymore."

"Are you mad at me?" Luke asked softly.

"YES!" the answer was fierce and right on point, but he regretted it immediately. "No," he amended…"No."

"It's okay if you are," Luke soothed, wanting to reach out to James but knowing that this moment was not the time to do that. "You know I wasn't trying to hurt you right?"

"I know," he said facing the brown gaze again, head on. He wondered if Luke could see the tears in his eyes, and wondered if in this moment he was causing Luke to doubt his worth. He was supposed to be stronger than this. "It's just…"

"Hard?" Luke added softly.

"When you're used to being alone," Noah added.

He was in awe as he looked from one gaze to the other. They understood…they didn't even know the full story but they got it. They got him, in a way no one had gotten him in years. "Yeah," he said nodding. "Like that."

"You aren't alone, James," Noah assured him.

"You have us," Luke added, "And even though it's not the same, it's still the truth."

"She doesn't love me."

"Did she say that?" Luke asked his voice soft and not judgmental.

"It all amounts to the same thing," James countered. "If she…if she loved me she wouldn't have left."

"And are we talking about Maddie here…or your mom."

"How did you…" He started his eyes locking with the inquisitive brown ones.

"I pay attention," Luke said softly. "And I listen."

"I didn't remember my mom," Noah added his voice to the conversation.

"Maybe you're the lucky one," James said sadly. "I wish I didn't remember mine."

"Both?" Luke asked, guiding them back to the original question. "Both of them?"

"They always leave," James said frowning. "They never want to stay with me. I must have done something wrong again. I always do the wrong thing….and I did it again."

"What is it you think you did?" Noah asked curiously.

"I…I don't know," James replied. "But I must've done something."

"What did she say?"

"She said she really cares about me…but right now she doesn't think us being together is the best thing."

"Did you ask her why," Luke piped up, his eyes meeting with Noah's for a moment before focusing again on James.

"Her exact words," James murmured" I need to put myself first, and make sure that I am whole before I can give my heart to someone else?"

"And your mom said something similar?" Luke inquired.

"I told her she didn't have to go," James exclaimed, his eyes darting from Luke to Noah and back to Luke as if trying to make them understand. "I told her I would give her the space she needed…I just didn't want her to leave me."

"And she said she wanted time?" Luke asked.

"Yeah."

"Your mom said she needed time," Noah's voice filtered in, "and she never came back"

"Maddie isn't your mom, James. She's not going to leave."

"She already did leave, Luke. I just don't understand why. Did I do something wrong?"

"Why did she leave?" Noah inquired.

Silence followed that question and he was sure they thought he wouldn't answer…but it wasn't that. He wanted to tell them…he needed to say it, but saying it would make it hurt and he didn't want to do that. "I didn't mean for it to happen?" He said placing the now cold mug on the table.

"What," Luke and Noah said in unison. They locked eyes with each other for a moment before focusing their attention on James.

"I tried to get better…but it didn't help. She never came back. It was too late."

"James," Luke called his name, and placed a hand on his right shoulder. "What are you talking about?"

"I had Leukemia when I was little," he explained in a small voice. "I was so sick, sometimes my dad didn't know if I was going to live or not. I was too sick, Mom couldn't take care of me anymore…she said it was too much and she needed to get away. She needed to focus on her…she needed time, just some time."

"How old were you when she left?" Noah asked.

"Seven."

"And how long," Luke picked up the thread, "did you wait for her to come back before you realized she wasn't?"

Silence again as he thought about that time. He could remember his protests; he could recall the angry screaming matches he had with his dad. He could almost hear his father always gentle, always patient trying to get him to see reason. And he knew all too well that bumpy road to recovery...he remembered his adolescence and sometimes he wished he didn't.

"Five years," he said biting his lip. And after that I closed myself off."

"You were lonely," Luke stated, "you felt neglected, and you wondered why she didn't love you enough."

"And…you wondered why you weren't good enough," Noah added. "And no matter how hard you tried you couldn't reach that level of greatness you were supposed to be striving for."

"Your Mom," Luke spoke again, "Had this image of you in her mind…this plan for how your life would turn out, and you defied that plan. You didn't follow the norm, went against the pattern…and she just couldn't accept it."

"She didn't want to," Noah interjected. She chose to leave…that wasn't your fault, that was hers."

"You didn't do anything wrong…you were just a kid."

"But I was sick," James protested looking at Luke seriously. "I just didn't get better fast enough."

"YOU being sick does not excuse her anymore than my mom is excused for me being gay. Parents don't get to choose not to be parents…not after we're already here."

"It's like a contract," Noah asserted, both James and Luke turned to listen to what he had to say. "There is a bond formed that is like no other and it's different from the one associated with fathers, and when it's broken…that contract it's not easy to go back."

""If you can go back," Luke amended. "Sometimes there comes a point where you have to stop trying, and where you have to learn that your parents' actions are not your fault."

"That's easier said than done," Noah said softly. He frowned and this time James placed a hand on his shoulder, offering the same comfort he had been given minutes prior. "My mother's not dead," he announced as if he were alerting them of an oncoming storm. "That was a lie." He shook his head and closed his eyes as if trying to stay off the memory. When he broke the connection with James, Luke almost immediately stood and suddenly Noah was the one in the middle.

"It's okay Noah," James said pouring his inner strength into his voice. "Let the memory come…I think I'm starting to understand it's not just me."

"And that's a fact that is both comforting and upsetting at the same time," Luke said as he rubbed Noah's back. Brown eyes met green over Noah's head, and for the first time that night James managed a small smile. His dad had been correct; there was something very nice about forming bonds.

"You have every right to be hurt, James," Luke reasoned some time later. James had become the center of the group again, Noah to his left, and Luke to his right. Noah was still reeling from his realization that he had been lied to, but it wasn't the predominant thought in his mind. "With everything you just told us, it seems that Maddie's words reminded you too much of what your mom did all those years ago. The thing is you have to realize that Maddie is not your mother."

"And you didn't do anything wrong," Noah added.

"Noah's right, Maddie's not letting go because of you. She's doing it because she's scared and she needs her best friend to shake some sense into her."

"I don't know…" James started.

"Trust me," Luke cut him off. "Trust us."

"I do trust you," James admitted. "And I think both of you know how scary that prospect can be."

He was momentarily stunned to feel two pairs of lips on his cheeks, and then found himself wrapped into a tight embrace. Without even thinking about it, his arms moved, one around Luke, the other around Noah completing the circle, strengthening the bond.

It was just after nine in the morning, but Luke felt like he could lie down and pass out right on the spot. It had been a late night, ending with James falling asleep on the couch around two. Luke had whispered quietly with Noah in their bedroom, until they both drifted off an hour later. Now just six hours later he was standing in front of his best friend's door waiting for her to answer his knock.

He didn't have a speech planned; he wasn't even sure what he was doing. He just knew he had to do something. When the door opened he said not a word. He just pulled the figure into his arms and held on tight. Her head rested against his shoulder and her arms wrapped around his neck, she needed a hug…she needed him.

"This scene seems familiar," Maddie smiled through her tears as Luke handed her a mug before settling down on the couch beside her.

"The roles are reversed this time, and I'm trying hard not to be mad at you when you're hurting like this."

"You talked to James," Maddie surmised. She placed her mug on the table and faced her best friend. "I had to do this Luke."

"Why?"

"Because…because it was going to fast too quickly."

"You didn't seem to mind that when it was Noah."

"Yeah and look where that got me?"

"I know that hurt you, Maddie. And I am sorry for my part in that…it was a little different though. Noah was trying to hide…three people got hurt in that process; you, me and Noah."

"That wasn't completely Noah's fault though," Maddie protested. "It was mine…and I know that now. I know I'm just screwed up, and I always get myself into these relationships and I mess them up somehow."

He placed a hand on her shoulder and looked her straight in the eye. "You are right about one thing…You did mess up, this time. No, listen," he said as she tried to pull away. "James is not Casey, and he's not Noah. He's the man who at this very second is passed out on my couch because you broke him."

"Luke, I…"

"Don't Luke me," Luke interrupted. "I know that Casey hurt you. I know the thing with Noah was so messed up, and I know you are afraid, Maddie. It's okay to be scared. Falling in love is a messy business and it happens so fast that your head will spin. The easiest part sometimes is the falling…but the maintaining, that's where the challenge comes in.

"That seems to be where I have the problem. I'm getting too attached to James, Luke I have to end this now."

"That doesn't sound like the Maddie I know," Luke said shaking his head. "The best friend I remember loves with her whole heart and has strong convictions when it comes to her friends and to her significant other. She believes in romance and old movies and wants her prince charming and that happily ever after. Maybe you know that girl."

Maddie smiled despite her tears and shook her head. "There's no such thing, Luke."

"Yeah there is. I found mine, his name is Noah. You might remember him; tall, blue eyes and dark hair that is so fun to run my fingers through." Maddie couldn't help it she laughed and swatted at Luke who just took her hands into his. "And yours is tall as well. His eyes are green and his hair is red. He's handsome, sweet, kind and very much in love with you."

"Is he really broken?" she asked after a brief silence. "Did I hurt him that much?"

"Do you know how hard it was for him to go out on a date with you?" Maddie shook her head. "He was very nervous about agreeing to go on a blind date, Maddie. He asked me if I thought he should go…I told him to take a chance, and he did. And he fell in love with you…I can't tell you what he told me yesterday, but I will say that wasn't very easy for him. And the fact that he fell for you, Maddie, says a lot about you. He needs you…and you need him."

Maddie sat silently for a moment, reaching out to pick up her mug as she thought about all Luke had said. "I do love him," she said finally. "I just feel like I need…"

"Need what? Time? Space?"

"I don't know," Maddie sighed exasperated.

"You do know," Luke charged, "You just won't allow yourself to admit it and accept it. Now I'm going to warn you that it won't be easy to regain James' trust, you've broken that. But I don't doubt that if you truly want him and truly love him, like I know you do, you can get him back. And until then the world is going to be spinning off its axis.

"I must have really messed up if you're pissed at me," she commented wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Yeah, I am pissed," Luke exclaimed. "James looked so vulnerable yesterday and so hurt."

"You're supposed to be my friend, Luke."

"I am your friend, Maddie. That's why I'm here to tell you that you made a mistake and you need to fix it. I'm not going to let you throw away the best thing to ever happen to you. I care about you and James. You both have been there for me and Noah a lot over the past few months and there is no way I can truly repay you for that. So when I see one of you hurting I will get upset."

Maddie put her mug down and went immediately into Luke's embrace. She buried herself in his arms, her tears wetting the front of his shirt. "I'm sorry, Luke."

Luke rubbed her back and kissed the top of his head. "I know you are Maddie…but I'm not the one who needs to hear that."

Noah sighed as he entered the living room. James was still sleeping on the couch and Luke wasn't back yet. He rubbed at his tired eyes and rushed to open the door before the knocking woke James.

"Holden?" he said surprised to see Luke's dad at the door.

"Hello, Noah. Is everything alright?"

"Uh yeah…" Noah said confused. "Is something wrong?"

"You and Luke were supposed to meet me for breakfast this morning, remember?"

Noah sighed and moved aside so that Holden could enter the house. "I'm sorry about that, Holden," He whispered. "It was a long night and I'm just waking up. Luke had to run out this morning…I don't think he left more than thirty minutes ago."

"Where was he off to, so early?" Holden asked.

"Well," Noah said looking towards the couch where James seemed to be stirring. "That's kinda a long story. He went to see Maddie."

"Noah, what aren't you telling me? Why is Luke out this early in the morning going to see Maddie?"

"Maddie?" James said sitting up on the couch. "Is she here?" he looked around and blushed when he realized that Luke's father was standing there. "Oh, good morning, Mr. Snyder."

"James," Holden greeted with a frown. "Son, are you okay? Would someone please tell me what is the world is going on? Why is James sleeping on your couch, Noah?"

"I'm sorry, Sir," James spoke up before Noah could. "Maybe I should just go."

"No, you stay there," Noah ordered. "You are in no condition to drive anywhere."

"But Luke's dad is here, and I obviously kept you from something."

"Just answer his question, James. It will be okay."

James frowned but turned his attention to Holden. "I apologize, Mr. Snyder, I guess I'm not really okay, but I don't want to trouble you with that."

"Nonsense," Holden said, coming to place a hand on James' shoulder. "James, after all you have done for Luke over the past few months, believe me when I say it's no trouble. Just tell me what's going on so I can understand how you came to be sleeping on my sons' couch in no condition to drive."

"I'm not drunk, if that's what you are wondering, sir," James said frowning. "I…we…Maddie broke up with me last night…" he trailed off and shook his head. "I'm going to go use the restroom," he said getting up and heading in that direction.

"We stayed up until at least two with him," Noah explained. "It was a very long night…very emotional and cathartic."

"And Luke?" Holden asked concerned. "He's okay, right? I can only imagine how this is troubling him. Maddie is his best friend, but he and James have become so close. I'm sure this is tearing him apart."

"Yeah he was pretty upset about it when we finally made it to bed. I think we talked about it for an hour." Noah replied.

"Is that why he went to see Maddie this morning, so early?"

"Yes, sir. And I'm sorry we missed breakfast. It was a long night, and I know we have a lot to get accomplished. Right before the world ended, we did find out that Maddie got the security tapes. So Mr. Hughes just needs to subpoena them and we'll be all set." James returned to the living room as Noah spoke and returned to his spot on the couch. "I can make us breakfast now though. Did you want some coffee?"

"I would love some coffee," Noah. Don't worry about breakfast though. We'll just wait for Luke, and then we can all go together and get something to eat. We can strategize at the same time."

"I'm going to get going," James said getting up from the couch.

"James," Noah started.

"No, its okay, Noah. I really should get going. Tell Luke I will call him later and thank you so much for everything. I'll see you later, Mr. Snyder."

"James, wait," Holden said stopping the younger man in his tracks. "I want you to stay. I have a feeling that Luke would be pretty upset if he came home and found you gone. Stay, have some coffee and the least I can do for all you have done for my boys is buy you some breakfast."

"Thanks sir," James replied, "But that's not necessary."

"I insist. Once Noah gets the coffee done, maybe he can find you a change of clothes so you can take a shower."

"Yeah, no problem. Sit," Noah said pointing at the couch. "I'll be right back with the coffee."

James sat and watched as Noah left him in the living room with Luke's dad. "He's really getting comfortable in his own skin," he said smiling fondly. "I think Luke is rubbing off on him…or maybe they are rubbing off on each other. Whichever it works, and it's good to see."

"I have to agree with you on that," Holden admitted. "Noah has made great progress. Did he tell you he stood up to his father yesterday?" James shook his head. "I know that was extremely hard for him, but I couldn't be more proud."

A small smile crossed James' lips. "I'm glad he was able to stand up to the Colonel. Neither he, nor Luke mentioned that to me. Though they probably would have."

"Speaking of Luke," Holden leaned against the couch and crossed his arms, "While Noah may be making headway with my very stubborn son, most of his recovery lies squarely at your feet."

"You're too kind, sir," James said modestly.

""No I'm not, and don't think I'm going to forget that. You have pulled him through one of the toughest times of his life and for that I will be forever grateful."

"You really are too kind, sir," James said softly. "I didn't really do much but let Luke talk out his feelings. He did most of the work. I just listened."

"But it was you who reached out to him to give him that comfort level to talk," Holden insisted. "You were rock solid for him when Noah was in the coma. You haven't disappeared from his life, now that Noah is awake, and you still come running any and every time he needs you. That's more than even some of his own family can say."

"Luke is a great friend," James said as Noah returned to the living room with coffee in his hands. "Thanks Noah. I'm glad I could be there for him."

"Here you go sir," Noah said handing Holden his coffee. I wasn't sure how you like your coffee so I hope black is okay."

"Black is fine. Thank you, Noah. Why don't you see about finding James some clothes? I'm sure a shower will make you feel like a new man," he said focusing on his sons' friend once more.

'"A shower would be nice actually," James commented.

"Well, follow me," Noah said turning to head for the bedroom.

James got up to follow and Holden took a seat on the couch to drink his coffee. He could hear the boys faintly talking as Noah found James clothes, and he looked at his watch wondering how long it would take for Luke to be back. He thought momentarily that he should call his son's cell phone but decided against it. It was just like Luke to want to help someone in need. It was truly one of the reasons he was very proud of his son.

"Thanks for agreeing to meet with us Tom," Holden said as he took a seat at the table. Luke, and Noah sat together, and James sat between Holden and Tom. They were having lunch at the Lakeview, and Tom was there to discuss the case with them.

"It's not a problem at all, Holden. I want to make sure we are ready for this case. How are you feeling today, Luke," He asked turning his attention to the younger Snyder."

"As fine as I can be today, Tom. I had a rough day yesterday, and it was a long night…so I'll try to answer your questions best I can."

"Relax, Luke, I'm sure you will do fine," Tom assured him. "And you two," he said focusing on Noah and James, I'm actually glad you are here as well. James I know they will want to question you since you were with Luke right before, correct?"

"Yes, I was at his home. Noah was there too…and Maddie."

Holden squeezed James' shoulder encouragingly and he sighed. Luke was watching the exchange and offered his friend a smile of reassurance. He was glad James was there as well. He was not looking forward to this part of the afternoon.

"I don't see what help I can be, Mr. Hughes," Noah spoke up. "I don't remember what happened…just what Luke told me."

"You remember when I told you the first time, Noah…that has to count for something."

Luke's right, and please, call me Tom. For the most part, Noah you are here to give Luke your support. I'm sure you can do that."

"Yes sir."

"Okay, good. First order of business," He said turning his attention to Luke, "is the temporary order of protection Jack put into place for you. That will protect you until we can get into court to get a permanent one. We'll get that taken care of first thing Monday morning. Kim is willing to let you miss work for the hearing, and she said it was alright for Noah to accompany you too.

"What do I have to do at the hearing?" Luke asked.

"You will explain to the judge why you are requesting a protective order against Mr. Thompson. This totally your call Luke. If you feel you can work with Mr. Thompson…"

"No, its okay…I'll go to court on Monday. I just didn't realize it was so much stuff to think about."

Tom was sympathetic as he looked at his young client. "I know this is tough, and it's only going to get tougher, but this is going to be okay"

"I hope so," Luke said as Noah placed a hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked into those blue eyes, drinking in the support and love he saw there. As long as Noah was by his side he had to believe he would be alright. Noah smiled at him and kissed his cheek. Luke took a hold of Noah's hand and they turned their attention back to Tom who was talking about what to expect at the trial.

It all seemed cut and dry to him. There would be opening arguments from both sides, and then the prosecution would call its first witness. Luke dreaded that moment, having to get up on the stand in front of everyone and talk about what Randy had done. After his testimony he would be cross examined and then other witnesses would be called. James, Noah, Maddie. Luke glanced over at James when Maddie's name was mentioned. He wanted to make sure his friend was okay. From the looks of those expressive green eyes he was definitely trying to be.

Tom would make mention of the tape, which Luke hoped didn't have to be shown. He didn't voice that out loud though, but he really didn't want anyone to have to see that tape. He wished no one had to see it at all. Once Tom rested his case the Defense would start theirs. Randy would be called to the stand and any character witnesses he had. Luke bristled at the thought of Randy getting up there spouting his version of things. Was he making a big mistake by doing this?

"Luke I want to ask you some questions, to give you an idea of what you can expect to be asked on the stand.

Luke swallowed and nodded. He could feel His dad's eyes as well as James watching him closely. Noah squeezed his hand. It was comforting and he knew he wouldn't have that luxury in court.

"Okay, Luke can you tell me when you first became acquainted with Mr. Thompson?"

"He interned with us at WOAK this summer."

"Can you tell me the status of your relationship?"

"We were friends."

"Is that all, Luke?"

"Yeah…I mean I flirted with him some but it was harmless."

"Can you tell us what happened on the night in question?"

"Do I have to?" he asked looking straight at Tom?"

"Not right now, Luke but you know you will have to in court." Luke nodded and put his head down. Noah and Holden both tried to convince him to eat something but he had lost his appetite. He listened to the rest of Tom's questions and nodded when asked one directly, but he was noticeably silent for the rest of the interview.

"Luke I'll see you on Monday. For now you take care of yourself," tom said, a concerned expression on his face. "Noah, take care of him will ya."

"Yes, sir," Noah said wrapping his arm around Luke's waist to keep him steady.

"I'm going to take off too," James spoke up, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"NO you aren't," Luke said grabbing a hold of James arm. "You need some time to clear your head, and therefore you are going to come with us. If that's okay?" he said looking at Noah."

"I was thinking we could go to the farm," Noah explained. "Maybe a horseback ride will do you some good too James."

Luke sighed contentedly. "It would be nice to see Ariel again. James you must come, you have to meet my horse."

"Well since the prospect seems to have improved your mood already, I'd be hard-pressed to decline," James smiled. "I don't have boots though."

"That's okay, we have extra at the farm"

James smiled a genuine smile and ran a hand through his hair. "Thanks guys, for being here for me."

"We'll see if you still thank us after your visit to the farm," Luke said as the four men headed out of the Lakeview. The mood was a little lighter than it had been when they entered and that suited them just fine.

Noah was right; this was just what he had needed. He closed his eyes for a moment breathing in the crisp air as he moved swiftly along the path. Ariel glided along at a run, and Luke trusted that she would know where to go. He trusted her, felt safe with her, and knew that she only had his best interest in heart.

"Okay slow down a bit girl," he said yanking gently on the reins. She slowed to a walk, and Luke patted her back as he looked over his shoulder. James was enjoying his ride too. He was riding Bastien, who seemed very happy to have found a rider who appreciated him. Noah was on Mist and at that moment he slowed her to a trot, coming up right next to Luke.

"Are you enjoying yourself," Noah asked, reaching for Luke's reins so he could slow both horses to a stop.

"Luke smiled and leaned over to give Noah a kiss. "Yes, thank you so much. This was just what I needed. And you remembered how to ride. You didn't forget what I taught you."

Noah grinned. "I guess some things you just never forget," he said softly. "I have a surprise for you thought."

"Should we get James and head back to the house?"

"I think James will be okay for a few minute," Noah said looking out at their friend. "Bastien seems to like him a lot."

"Yeah, I think they have fallen in love. There's nothing quite like it, Noah…the love between a man and his horse."

Noah smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. "Come on, I want to give you your surprise."

"Oh, Noah." That was all Luke could say when he saw the picnic spread that awaited their return to the farmhouse. "You didn't…" he said as he slid off of Ariel and tied her to a post. "You did all this for me."

"With a little help from your grandma," Noah said as he dismounted his horse. "I told her I wanted to do something special for you…and she said she'd take care of it, I just had to keep you occupied for a few hours which was no problem since we came out here to ride."

Luke slid into Noah's arms and hugged him tight before looking up into that rich sapphire gaze. "I don't know if you realize how much this…you mean to me, so thank you. Thank you for being patient with me and for putting up with me and taking care of me when it should be the other way around."

"We take care of each other, Luke," Noah placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm just glad I could get your mind off of everything coming up for a while."

Luke kissed him softly, before pulling him down to the blanket so they could rifle through the picnic Emma had prepared. She had packed all of Luke's favorites, and Noah got a kick out of listening to Luke exclaim as he took each item out of the basket. "Thank you, Noah," Luke said again as he opened a container of Cole Slaw.

"You're welcome," Noah said, taking the container from him. He picked up one of the forks and fed Luke some of the dish. For the next hour they sat together laughing and eating. By the time James Joined them an hour later they were feeding each other and Luke's laugh rang out loud and clear over the clearing.

"Did you guys save any for me?" James teased as he easily slid off his horse.

"There's plenty, James, Luke said grinning at his friend. "I hope you are hungry, my grandma is an amazing cook."

"Actually I'm starving. And it's nice to see a smile on your face, Luke."

"Being with Noah always makes me smile," Luke admitted softly as he looked at his husband who chose that moment to look bashful.

"I seem to recall that," James said taking a seat on the blanket.

"I think being with friends makes me smile," Noah announced. "I think we all needed today."

James poured a drink for him, Luke and Noah and raised his glass. "Here's to friendship and love," he added softly.

They were still laughing and having a good time when they returned to the apartment building. All noise ceased when they spotted Maddie sitting in front of the boys' apartment. She stood as they approached and smiled in greeting.

"IF you guys don't mind, I need to talk to James," she said shyly. "If that would be alright."

"You two are more than welcome to use the apartment," Luke said unlocking the door. "Noah and I need to run out for groceries anyway."

'We do?" Noah asked. Luke elbowed him in the ribs. "Oh yeah, we're out of mozzarella for the lasagna, I totally forgot. You two go ahead and talk and we will be back."

James and Maddie watched their friends go off before moving into the apartment. Maddie took a seat on the couch while James closed and locked the door. He stood there for a moment, not really sure what to say, or how to start this conversation. He had been wondering all day, just what he would say to her, and now that she was there he wasn't quite sure. What was it he always told Luke? That his father had always taught him? Sometimes you just had to talk…worrying about what to say only prolonged the inevitable.

"You said you wanted to talk," he said finally. He realized he wasn't ready to turn around just yet, but he could feel her eyes on him. The silence was driving him crazy.

"I want you to look at me, James."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You and Luke both tell me I have expressive eyes…and right now I don't want you to see what I'm feeling. So if you want to talk just talk."

"You aren't going to make this easy for me are you?" Maddie said softly. She frowned as she looked at his back, and tried not to get frustrated that he wouldn't look at her.

"Yesterday you told me you didn't want to see me anymore because you wanted time to figure out who you were," James said his voice controlled. "And today you are here expecting me to make it easy for you? I have always thought you were smarter than that Maddie."

"Why are you being so cruel?"

"Cruel," James said turning around to face her. "You break up with me out of the blue…with no warning and you're calling me cruel? You just don't get it do you? How that felt? To hear those words from you…you broke my heart, Maddie. And despite all of that, I love you. I love you so much but I can't…I don't trust you."

"James…"

"Do you want to know what's cruel?" he cut her off at the pass. "Cruel is when your seven years old and your mom tells you she has to go away for awhile. She says she needs space and time away from you because if she doesn't get it she'll go insane. Cruel is when you wait year after year after year for her to come back and she never comes. It's that day when you finally let it sink in that she's not coming back and that's all your fault."

"James I'm sorry," Maddie stood so she could go to him.

"Don't, don't come near me and don't touch me. You can't do that, Maddie. You can't say things, and do things and think that a hug or a kiss is going to fix it and make it all better. It doesn't work that way. "

"I'm just scared, James."

"I know you're scared," James exclaimed. "That's the thing, I know you have had failed relationships. I know about Casey and Noah, and I've been doing everything that I can to make sure you know that I'm not them. I'm only me…James, and I have feelings, Maddie. And fears…real ones."

"I didn't think you were scared of anything."

"Well I guess that's something else you and Noah have in common then." He said bitterly as it occurred to him how ironic that statement really was."

"I…I don't know what to say James. I've never seen you scared."

"Because with you I never had a reason to be scared," he cried. "Until now there was nothing to be afraid of and I knew…I knew I was safe with you, and I could be me with you and I could let you be the keeper of my heart."

"Has that changed?" Maddie asked. Her heart was breaking for James, and it made her even sadder to know that she has caused this pain. Luke hadn't been kidding when he saw her that morning. She had broken her James, and now she had to figure out how to get him back. "James, has that changed?" she asked again when her first attempt was met with silence.

"No, it hasn't changed. I just don't know if I can believe in it again."

"Why not?"

"Because you're just like her!" he raged. "You say things and I think you mean them, and I love you with everything I have. I care about you and bend over backwards to make sure I don't let you down and then you leave. How can you say you love me one minute and then walk out the door the next?"

Luke and Noah could hear voices as they reached their apartment door. Noah exchanged a look with his husband as he looked for his keys. "I'd guess things aren't going so well in there?" he said as Luke unlocked the door. He had just enough time to move out of the way before Maddie came barreling out at a run. "I'll get her," he said pushing the grocery bag into Luke's arm and taking off after Maddie.

Luke went inside and put the grocery bag by the door. "What happened?" he asked crossing his arms in front of him.

"Hey, wait a minute," Noah said catching Maddie around her waist. She tried to fight him but she was no match for him, and finally just collapsed against his chest. Noah held her for a moment, her silent tears wetting the front of his shirt. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"James doesn't love me anymore."

"Somehow I really doubt that," Noah said softly.

"He all but said so in there. He doesn't want to be with me, and doesn't even want to see me."

Noah frowned. "I don't think you were listening to him," he said carefully.

"What do you mean I wasn't listening? I heard what he said?"

Noah placed his hands on her shoulders so she was looking straight at him. "No, I don't think you were Maddie. You see, James does love you, but you broke the trust and you have to get that back. But I can assure you that running away is not the way to do it."

"James," Luke said moving to place a hand on his friend's shoulder. "You have to talk to me here, or I can't help."

"This was a bad idea," James said defeated.

"What? Why?"

"You saw her, she left," James said sadly.

"You compared her to your mom?" Luke inquired softly.

"I'm just scared," James admitted.

"And you told her that?"

"Yes."

"She's not used to you being scared, James."

"I never had to be scared with her. She's the first woman I've ever opened up completely to."

"But you're still holding things back," Luke reminded him softly. "You have to make her understand. Tell her why this is important."

"But she left me. Just like before."

"No James." Both Luke and James turned at the sound of Maddie's voice. Luke was relieved to see his best friend and his husband standing in the doorway. He quickly got to his feet and dragged Noah out of the room to give them some privacy. "I'm not leaving you. I don't want to leave you. I love you."

James looked at her and frowned. He wanted to believe her words…so much. "How can I trust that when you've already left twice?"

"That wasn't about you James, that was about me, and my insecurities."

James shook his head. "She said it was about her too. And I never saw her again. I loved her, Maddie for a very long time. And I hoped, I wanted her to come back…but she never came. She said she just needed time, but she really just needed…wanted to get away from me. I don't' think I could do that again."

Maddie slowly approached the couch and placed a gentle hand on James cheek. "I'm not your mother, James," she whispered as she stroked his face. "I know she hurt you, and if I ever met the woman I'd tear her a new one for you because you are too special a person to be hurt like that. And you have done nothing wrong…in fact you have always done everything right. And I love you, James Robert McPherson, with all of my heart and my soul. I want to regain your trust."

James took her hand into his and pressed it against his lips. He sat there for a long moment just feeling the connection, inhaling her scent, enjoying her touch. This was what he missed…His Maddie.

"It's not that simple," he said a few minutes later. He pulled her down beside him and turned so they were facing each other. "It's not as simple as saying you're sorry, and it won't be as simple as you aren't going anywhere. I love you, Maddie. You have my heart and…I want you to keep it, but you have to show me that you really want it, and that you'll take care of it. I want to believe what you are telling me…but as of right now you don't have my trust and that needs to be okay."

Maddie pulled her hand away and allowed her fingers to gently run through James' hair. "For how long," she asked.

James shook her hand out of his hair and took a hold of it again, kissing it before letting it go completely. "Let's take this one day at a time okay? Luke is going to need both of us for the next month or so, with this trial coming up. We need to be here for him, and Noah. Let's focus on that for now."

"Okay," Maddie said softly as she looked at the man she loved. "I'm going to do whatever it takes to regain your trust, James…no matter how long that takes."

'If you can prove that to me Maddie, I think we'll be okay."

"Is the coast clear in here," Luke asked as he and Noah entered the living room. Both boys had drinks in their hands and Noah smiled at Maddie who moved to take one of the glasses from his hands.

"Yeah, I think things will be okay," James replied as Luke handed him something to drink. "You have good timing"

Luke settled down on the couch and gestured for Noah and Maddie to sit down as well. "Everything is really okay?"

Maddie took a sip of her juice before nodding. "Thanks to you everything will be just fine," she said smiling at James who returned the smile easily.

"We want to concentrate on you for now," he explained facing the boys. "We're here for both of you…and I want to thank you for yesterday."

"No need to thank us, James," Noah replied. "You guys have all been so good to me, especially you," he said bumping shoulders with Luke.

Luke allowed a smile to cross his lips as he put down his glass. "Okay, come on everyone up," he said. Noah stood easily, placing his glass down as well. "Come on guys, indulge me here," Luke said pulling James and Maddie to their feet as well. "I want a group hug," he explained once they were all in a circle," and I have something to say."

Their arms wrapped around each other and their head met in the middle. Maddie and James shared a smile before focusing on Luke. Noah was looking at Luke as well, waiting to hear what he had to say.

"These past few months have been crazy," Luke admitted sincerely, "and I truly don't know what I would have done if I didn't have you here by my side. I want to thank you for that…even though I know there is no thanks necessary." He smiled knowing that was the phrase on the tip of each of their tongues. "I know I'm really lucky to have such great friends, and a great lover," His eyes met Noah's sapphire gaze head on and Noah mouthed "I love you". "I love you too, Noah," Luke whispered, "and you, he said squeezing Maddie closer, and you," he said his eyes finally focusing on James before facing Noah again, "and I think…with you by my side I can get through this trial."

"Noah," Luke said as they lay in bed later that night. The four friends had talked for a while, everyone trying to help Noah with his memory, as well as trying to keep their minds off their individual issues. Maddie was the first to leave, leaving the three boys to talk and lean on each other if need be. When James finally left he felt like he had gained two brothers…friends and a bond that not even time could break. Luke was exhausted, but he couldn't sleep. His head was turned to the side as he stared at Noah's still form and he reached out to touch him, to see if he could get a response. "Noah," he repeated, "are you sleeping?"

"I'm not now," Noah said opening his eyes. He turned so that he could face Luke, and frowned at the serious expression on his face. "What's wrong?"

"There's something I need to tell you," Luke said his voice controlled. "I've actually needed to talk to you about this for awhile now but…I've never found the right time."

"What is it Luke? You know you can tell me anything."

"You and I need to be tested, Noah." He said softly.

Noah frowned. 'Tested for what?"

"I'm really sorry, Noah."

"Luke…tell me," Noah said placing a hand on Luke's shoulder. "You can tell me anything."

Luke sighed and closed his eyes momentarily. He turned to Noah when he called his name once more. "Randy wasn't wearing a condom."

"Holden, what are you doing here?" Lily was stunned to see her soon-to-be-ex-husband sitting on her property.

"Do you mind if we talk alone," he said glaring at the man who stood by her side.

"Dusty can you get us a night cap? I'll be right in."

Holden glared at Dusty until the man disappeared into the house. He knew Lily was waiting for him to speak, but for a few minutes he continued to glower at the door.

"Holden…I don't have all night."

"What did you think you were doing, bailing that bastard out of Jail," he railed, turning on her so fast she had to take a step back. "What were thinking Lily, or were you even thinking at all?"

"That's not fair," Lily charged, adjusting her purse on her arm as she looked at Holden.

"Not fair?" Holden laughed. "How can you stand there and talk about fair when you stabbed our son in the back?"

"There are two sides to every story, Holden."

"And you believe the word of a man you barely know, over your own son?"

"Luke has been known to lie to cover his tracks, Holden it's not anything new. He messed up and it's not right that someone else is paying for his mistakes."

"Lily are you listening to yourself? You act as if Luke allowed Randy to take the blame for him stealing a comic book, or causing a car accident. This is something far more serious. Your son was violated and you are helping his rapist."

"I think you wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to our son, Holden. I always did say he has you wrapped around his finger. Remember when he wanted to help you with the horses while he was home recovering from a cold? He insisted he would be fine, so you let him outside and of course the hay made him sneeze. And you didn't see anything wrong with that."

"This so does not compare to that?" Holden protested. "And I can't believe you would compare what's going on now with something so mundane. Maybe if you were actually around you would realize that Luke and I do have our conflicts. And when he's wrong I tell him he's wrong. When he needed to be reprimanded I was stern. He's a good kid, Lily and he wouldn't lie about something like this."

"I talked to Randy, H olden. The kid had a harmless crush and Luke took advantage of that, and now he's trying to cover it up in a horrible way. It's unfortunate that it has come to this. If Luke would have dealt with this like an adult I wouldn't have stepped in but someone had to be on Randy's side."

Holden grimaced and stepped back as if he had been slapped. "Well I hope you know that you've just made it that much harder to reconcile with your son. Enjoy the rest of your evening Lily."

He hated crying, it seemed to be all he did these days and he wished he could stop. He angrily wiped at his tears as he watched Noah talking on the phone. Noah's voice was quiet but urgent sounding and Luke wished he knew what his husband was saying. He turned to his side in the bed and curled up into a ball. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to block out the world.

"Luke," Noah said sitting on the bed beside him. A gentle hand touched Luke's shoulder and he moved to rest his head in Noah's lap. Noah's fingers immediately found his hair, and Luke found comfort in that simple touch. "Don't cry, Luke…I don't want you to be upset, we're going to deal with this."

"I don't want you to be mad at me, Noah. I'm sorry. I know I should have told you but I didn't know…and then everything happened and I didn't know how to break it to you."

"Luke."

"And you know I would never put you in harm's way. I…I love you too much to do something like that, I mean it, Noah I don't want to hurt you."

"Luke," Noah tried again, this time bending down to kiss Luke's mouth. "Shut up for a minute." He smiled at the indignant look on Luke's face and wiped the wetness from his eyes. "I'm not mad at you, this isn't your fault. You didn't expose us to anything…Randy did and we're going to go to the doctor's…I made an emergency appointment for tonight and then in a few weeks we'll know okay?'"

Luke was in awe as he looked up at the man he loved. "You mean that?"

"Yes, Luke. You need to get up and get dressed. We need to be at the doctor's in thirty minutes, okay?"

Luke sat up and wrapped his arms around Noah and gave him a sloppy kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too; now go get dressed so we can get out of here."

"Luke are you okay?" Noah asked as they sat in the waiting room at the clinic. Luke was fidgeting in his seat, but he tried to be still as he looked at Noah.

"I'm fine," he said, though Noah wasn't convinced.

"Luke…"

"I'm a little scared," he admitted. "This will be my first examination since the rape. I have to let someone other than you touch me. The thought made him shudder and he wondered if they were making a mistake here.

"Relax," Noah said squeezing his hand. "I'm here with you, I'm going to do all the talking and I'll hold your hand. Nothing to worry about with me here. Remember that."

"Mr. Snyder,"

Noah stood and pulled Luke with him. He held his hand as they approached the nurse who had called their names. "This is Luke Snyder, and I'm his husband, Noah Mayer. I'm the one that called about the appointment. Thank you for being able to accommodate us, Dr. Baldwin."

"I'm happy to help, Noah. Follow me please."

Noah squeezed Luke's hand as they followed the doctor back to her office where she motioned for them to have a seat. Noah let go of Luke's hand and put his arm around his shoulder as he waited for the doctor to start asking questions.

"Now can you tell me what brings you to the clinic tonight?" Dr. Baldwin inquired a friendly smile on her face.

"My husband I need to have full examinations, specifically we need to be tested for STDS and HIV.

"Alright, I just need to ask you both a few questions okay?"

Yes ma'am."

"How long have you two been married?"

"Four months," Noah responded, looking at Luke for confirmation of that fact. Luke just nodded.

"And you two are sexually active correct?"

"Not since three weeks ago, .Dr. Baldwin."

"And before then?"

Noah looked at Luke and tightened his hold on hi, assuring him once again that he would take care of this. "My husband was sexually assaulted four months ago but he never got checked out. We just recently learned that his attacker may possibly be HIV positive."

"Say no more, Noah, I think I can figure out the rest," Dr. Baldwin said gently. She gave them both paperwork to fill out and told them to change into their hospital gowns when they were ready. Noah went first, and then held Luke's hand the whole time it was his turn. Once they were finished, Dr. Baldwin explained that they would have the results back in a few weeks.

"Thank you," Luke said once he and Noah were on their way home again. "I'm sorry I was just a mess in there."

Noah cupped his cheek with his hand and caressed it softly. "When are you going to realize that you don't have to thank me for loving you?"

"Never," Luke said a beaming smile crossing his lips

The room was dark when the figure entered the room. He flipped on the light and immediately went to work. He had to be quick; no one could catch him in here. There was a pile of tapes sitting on the desk and he quickly sifted through them. It didn't take long to find what he was looking for: November 21, 2007-night-6:00pm-12:00am. He carefully removed the label from the tape and set the tape to the side. He pulled a blank tape out of his bag and placed the November 21st label onto it and stacked it back in with the other tapes.

He was just about to pick up the switched tape when he heard footsteps outside. He hid quickly, and watched as two figures entered the room.

"The tapes for the police are right there, on the desk," Noah pointed at the stack. "Greg said he put in all the ones for November 21st and hopefully that will be enough to help out.

"Thanks, Noah, I'll get these over to the Chief so that she can review them. What about that tape right there,"

Noah spied the blank tape and frowned. "This one doesn't have a label, I wonder why it's here. I'll take care of it. Is there anything else I can do, Jack?" Noah picked up the tape and placed it in his bag. He held the keys to the room in his hand as he waited to see what Jack would say.

"No, that's it. You have a good day, Noah and keep an eye on my cousin for me."

"Yes sir. I'll let him know you are thinking about him when he gets here."

"The hearing is this morning right?"

"Yes, but he's coming in afterwards."

Jack left the room and Noah prepared to leave himself when he heard a noise.

"Who's there?" Noah asked looking around the room. "I know I heard something, if you're in here you better come out or I will call the police."

He gasped when the figure came out of his hiding space. "What are you doing in here," He asked crossing his arms. "And don't make u p some lame excuse about working, because if you were working you wouldn't have hidden."

"I hid because you startled me," Randy said smoothly. "I was just making sure the tapes were labeled properly and now that I am finished I can go."

"Why are you here, Randy? You are supposed to be at the courthouse."

"Why are you mad at me, Noah? I thought we were friends."

"Not even close, you jerk,"

"Oh, I see," Randy drew closer. "I guess I'm still the only one who has been able to get into Luke's pants. How unfortunate."

"Go to hell," Noah said brushing past Randy.

"Hey, Randy said grabbing his arm and turning him around to face him. You dropped these."

Noah didn't hear Randy speaking, nor did he see what he held in his hand. Noah was focused on the hand that held his arm…there was just something about that touch.

*Flash*

He was laying face down in the snow, his entire body hurt. He felt a hand on his arm as he was turned over. A man with blond hair was above him, frowning. "Luke"?" he asked as he tried to focus on the figure before him. He was fading, the blackness was closing in on him, but he needed to focus needed to communicate something to the man before it was too late. "Luke?" he called again trying to see those eyes…those blue eyes. That was the last thing he saw before all went dark.

*Flash*

The SUV was going way too fast. He swerved to avoid it and caught a glimpse of the driver in the bright light. Glass splintered and metal crushed as the SUV collided with the truck thrusting him out through the window. He flew through the air and landed on the ground, his face hitting the ground. The snow cushioned his fall slightly, and he couldn't move.

*flash*

"You won't even know I'm gone," he told Luke as he adjusted the duffel bag on his shoulder. He was smiling, after sharing his first kiss with Luke in a long while. He left the apartment and carefully made his way to his truck,. It was snowing heavily, and he had to wipe snow off the truck before he could get inside. The duffel bag was placed in the seat beside him, and he put on his seatbelt before he pulled out of the parking lot.

*Flash*

There were so many shirts…he hadn't realized the pile was that huge. His hand hit a bag and he pulled it out to see what it contained. Fabric…he wondered why there was torn fabric in the back of their closet. A pungent smell met his nose when he pulled the fragments out, realizing they were clothes…torn clothes…Luke's clothes.

*end flash*

Noah jerked his hand away and grabbed for the keys that Randy held in his hands. "You keep your hands off of me, Thompson, and I don't' want to see you near me or Luke ever again you understand?"

"Suit yourself," Randy said shrugging his shoulders as he backed away from Noah completely. Noah watched him leave and tried to catch his breath. His heart rate had increased and he could hear the pumping in his ears. He wished that Luke was there, but at the same time he was glad he wasn't. He couldn't tell Luke what he just figured out…not now on top of everything else. He had to tell someone though…the question was who.

He waited until he reached the office and collapsed in a chair before he pulled out his phone. His first instinct was as always to call Luke, but he knew he couldn't' do that at the moment. He dialed a number and waited for the person on the other end to answer the phone.

"Hello…you can't tell Luke what I'm about to tell you…I remember the car crash. I know who hit me. It was Randy."