House of Crows
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Plans in Motion
There must be something I don't recognize,
There's something here I don't realize.
A red sun on my windowpane,
And next to me I see you again.
Darkness invaded every inch of his subconscious, a thick impenetrable blanket that wrapped around his body, suffocating him and hiding unnamed, formless horrors within it. He tried to reach out in search of something familiar, something tangible to hold on to –
But all that reached back was a cold, clammy little hand caked in blood and grit.
Kakashi recoiled so strongly he jerked awake with a shudder. But even though the dark bedroom fluttered into focus and he realised he was looking up at the patterned panels of the ceiling, the creeping horror still held him like all his bad dreams. How could the anxiety fade when there was no reprieve from his problems in the waking world? A sleepy sigh to his left brought his head around, and automatically he found himself reaching for the same soft, reassuring familiarity that he'd sought in his dream. There was no conscious deliberation when he rolled over and wrapped his arm around Sakura. With her back pressed to his chest and his nose buried in her hair, the darkness filled with guilt and ghosts felt a little bit further away than before.
Sakura stirred at first, initially trying to shrug him off sleepily as if she wasn't used to the sensation of sleeping in a man's arms, but even a novice like her couldn't resist that warm, seductive lull. Gradually she relaxed, content with the weight of his arm and the hand resting on her belly beside hers. She really was his anchor. When one of his greatest fears was for her safety, he slept better knowing she was in his arms where nothing could happen to her without him knowing about it. He could feel his chakra tag pulsing away on her hip, a little piece of himself embedded in her skin that connected them even when they were apart.
Here in this bed it was easier to pretend their hardships were just part of someone else's life. Right now they were simply two people sleeping, embracing, breathing in tandem. However much pain and mistrust there was between them when the sun rose, right now he could imagine everything was as it was. As it should have been.
Drowsily, he shifted closer, stroking his hand over her hip as in inhaled the sweet, floral scent of her shampoo. This was how it could have been the first time she'd made love, if he hadn't seen the way her expression had changed when he'd mentioned Sasuke, and if he hadn't had to rebuff her questioning with hostility to keep her from thinking too hard about the seemingly illogical actions he'd taken on that mission. There were so many things he could blame for the wedge that had been driven between them in such a vulnerable moment; Sasuke, for existing and still being the first man in Sakura's life; his family, for needing protection from Sakura; himself, for being weak to jealousy and clumsy with Sakura…
As his idling hand passed over her stomach again, Sakura uttered an unintelligible murmur and shifted her hips back into the cradle of his. In his half asleep state his body reacted the only way it knew how when presented with a female posterior wiggling against his lap. The blankets that had been securely wrapped around her just a few hours ago had been shoved down to compensate for the tropical temperature in their room, and the lightweight material of her yukata robe didn't pose much of a barrier, not when he could slip his hand so easily between the folds of the material and splay his fingers across the soft, silky skin of her thigh. She shifted again at his touch, pressing her bottom back into a more comfortable position against his growing erection. A faint groan escaped him.
The pale, curve of her neck beckoned coyly, and when he bent his head to taste the moonlight on her skin she made an appreciative sound. He wanted her. He wanted her just as intensely as he'd wanted her months ago. She was wary of him, but she had no idea how good he could make it for her. How good it would feel for both of them when he sank into her tight, warm little sheath without the barrier of her virginity. He could still remember what it felt like to be inside her, to feel her clench and shiver around him when she reached climax.
He was sweating. His heart was pounding against her back and his erection throbbed almost painfully in the confines of his pants. His hand fumbled across her, stroking across the naked skin of her belly to grip her hip. "Sakura," he whispered, his voice low and rough with need. "Turn over."
Her eyes barely opened and she made another soft, sleepy sound as she shifted around at the urging of his hands. Immediately he pressed his mouth to hers and dragged her thigh over his hip, and with the gap of her yukata robe split wide open he could feel the heat of her flesh pressing against him.
But his pants were in the way. With a groan of frustration against her soft, pliant mouth he reached down and unbuttoned himself, shoving down the offending material to free his aching erection. He rolled his hips against her again and shuddered at the unbelievable pleasure of his sex sliding against her soft, moist folds.
Sakura came a little more awake at that. Dimly she was aware of being kissed so deeply she could barely breathe, and touched with something thick and hard between her legs. She couldn't make sense of it outside the indescribable pleasure. Rational objections just weren't reaching her, not when he was drawing her in so easily with his mouth and the hand that had reached inside her robe to hold one of her full, heavy breasts. She gasped as he flicked his thumb against her oversensitive nipple and sank her nails into his shoulders.
This had to be one of her dreams. She'd had so many of him since that first night, and even after she'd found out what an idiot she'd been to trust him. On some level her body refused to forget him, and memories of the short-lived pleasure he'd given returned once in a while in the night. But this was different. This was new, and hot, and almost stifling. It felt too real. Too visceral.
"Sakura," he groaned.
She heard the strain and the need in his voice and felt a responding echo in herself. Then he was suddenly lifting her leg higher and angling his hips in, and the pressure between her legs was increasing so alarmingly that she instinctively tried to retreat from it. He stopped her with a hand on her hip, anchoring her in place. "Please, don't," he whispered, "don't move…"
But this was suddenly too real for Sakura. The biting pressure of her yielding flesh brought about a sudden, savage clarity and every scream of rage and anger and betrayal locked in her throat. She convulsed, kicking and thrashing and scratching at his face until he grabbed her hands and held them down, subduing her. For a heartstopping moment she thought that was it. He wouldn't let go. He would just continue.
And she couldn't stop him.
The pressure eased. His grip loosened. He rolled onto his back and Sakura scrambled away so fast her knees hit the floor before she realised what she was doing. She couldn't look at him when he was lying there making no effort to cover himself. Seconds stretched by agonisingly slow, and all she could see was a dark floor and all she could hear was the sound of her own thudding heart.
What the hell had just happened?
She heard Kakashi's bitten off curse as he manoeuvred off the bed and stormed towards the bathroom door. The door slammed with a resonating crash that shook the whole room. Sakura squeezed her eyes shut. She knew what he was going to do in there and she didn't want to know. She didn't want to hear.
Instead she rose unsteadily to her feet and crossed to the partition door. She'd had enough of this, and him, and his stupid arrangement! She stumbled out into the corridor and ran half-blind through the darkness, relying on her memory of the layout as much as the squares of moonlight from the window that punctuated the long corridor's floor. It was tempting to turn into any one of the hundreds of empty rooms in this place, but what would be the point? Kakashi would always know where she was.
So she kept on running, down to the undercroft and through its reassuring labyrinth of tunnels and storerooms until she came to the servants' quarters, and when she reached the door of her old dorm she threw it open and slammed it shut as if she felt a presence pursuing her at her very heels. A sleepy snort from one of the futons greeted her.
"Who's that?" Kaoru croaked.
"Sakura?" Aki peered through the dark at her.
"Urgh…" Yui just rolled over to face the wall.
Immediately Sakura's gaze zoned in on the unoccupied futon that hadn't been slept on in weeks, despite being dutifully laid out by the other girls every night. That was all she needed. She slipped down onto it and pulled the covers tightly over her head.
"Sakura – what's the matter?" Kaoru's voice sounded nearby and she felt a concerned hand touch her shoulder through the quilt. "Are you alright?"
Sakura didn't trust herself to speak, not when she was still trembling with rage and humiliation. How could she have been so stupid to trust the man would keep his hands to himself? And how could she have even for a second wanted to throw all her inhibitions away and let him carry on?
If he thought everything between them could just be made better with sex, he had another thing coming. But it wasn't just his nerve that angered her; it was that it had been a long time since anyone had made her feel so vulnerable.
"Sakura, what's wrong?" Aki asked. "Is it Kakashi?"
Kaoru gasped. "He didn't do anything, did he?"
Sakura squeezed her eyes shut. Just hearing his name made her ashamed all over again at the weaknesses he exposed in her. "It's nothing," she forced out. "He sent me away, that's all."
"Figures," Yui grunted maliciously, more to herself than anyone else. The other two girls weren't overwhelmingly convinced judging from their silence, but Sakura remained perfectly uncooperative. She hadn't come here to cause drama or seek reassurance. She'd come here because this was perhaps the one place Kakashi wouldn't bother her and though she'd rather sleep alone in a cool, quiet room where she could cry out all the hopelessness and shame she felt, here among the other girls there was a kind of safety in numbers.
God… how had it had come to this?
And to her despair it seemed like only a few minutes passed before she heard footsteps along the corridor outside. Someone tapped respectfully on the door before drawing it open. "Is Yamanaka Sakura in here?" asked one of the older scullery maids.
Sakura stayed buried in her blankets, determined not to move.
Aki rose with a croak. "Who's asking for her?"
"Take a guess," the scullery maid said, like it was obvious.
Apparently Sakura's relationship with Kakashi was often discussed behind her back. She knew that spending every night of every week in his bed gave the impression that he was incredibly demanding, and she also knew that a lot of people didn't approve of pregnant women having that much sex with men, especially with ones that weren't the father. Sakura had to grin and bear it. He'd had her over a barrel with this fake relationship, leaving her no room to deny or refuse it.
Until now.
"I'm not going," she grunted from the confines of her bed. "Tell him to fuck off."
The scullery maid laughed. "Darling, you don't say 'no' to a Hatake."
"I didn't say 'no', I said 'fuck off'."
"Sakura, I thought he sent you away," Aki whispered to her.
Her convenient little white lie had turned on itself already. Sakura pulled the blankets tighter and simply repeated herself. "I'm not going." And that was that.
"I'm not telling him that," the scullery maid protested. "He's in a mood to kill."
"You will go and tell him, because if Sakura doesn't want to go back, she's not going back! Don't try to force her because you don't want to deal with his bad mood. What do you think he'd do to her?" Aki hissed back. "I'll wake Uncle Karasu up if I have to – he has no right to use any of the staff like this."
The scullery maid blew out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, but if it's my funeral, you're paying."
The door slammed shut again and another awkward silence fell over the room. Kaoru crawled over to kneel next to Sakura's bed. "What did he do?" she asked quietly. "You can tell us, Sakura."
He had made a mockery of the second strongest kunoichi in Konoha, that was all. Now all the second strongest kunoichi in Konoha wanted to do now was hide under her quilt and cry for all the dignity this stupid baby had cost her. She never would have come here if she hadn't gotten pregnant and she wouldn't have lost her chakra control either. She wouldn't have had to humour Kakashi's insanity and she never would have, for a brief moment, had to feel what it was like to be at the mercy of a man.
Not even Toshio had managed to illicit that panic in her, not when she'd always been aware that everything he did to her – real or imaginary – was only at Sakura's own choosing. Without that choice, what the hell was she?
That Kaoru, a girl who'd been subjected to the real thing countless times, was rubbing her shoulder consolingly just made her feel all the more pathetic. She'd been spoilt by the sense of security her talents and tutelage had given her. She was used to her strength allowing her to decide her own boundaries. To be so weakened that she had to now rely on someone else to know when to stop…
It shook her.
Footsteps came hurrying back down the corridor twice as fast as before. The scullery maid threw open the door again, looking red-faced and angry. "I told you he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer! I have never been subjected to such language in my life! This is your problem, you deal with it! I don't see why I'm sticking my neck out here."
She left quickly before anyone could stop her, leaving Aki casting around for someone else to turn to. "I'll have to get my uncle," she whispered reluctantly.
"What's he going to do?" Kaoru asked. "He's not going to care."
"He might stop Kakashi…" Aki sounded dubious. "I know he doesn't approve."
"I don't think he'll approve of being woken in the middle of the night for this either," the other girl cautioned.
On the other side of the room, Yui slammed her hands down against her coverlet with a thump. "Oh, big fucking deal, so he got a little rough! This is pathetic! Just go back and let us get some sleep!"
"Yui," Aki said pleadingly.
"No!" she hissed back. "He treats her like a damn princess and she throws a tantrum because something didn't go her way for once! Give me a break – he gives up his bed for her and doesn't even touch her most of the time."
Sakura clawed the covers out of the way. "How do you know?" she demanded. "Have you been spying on us?!"
"I clean his room!" Yui snapped. "Every morning only one side of the bed is disturbed and the sheets are always clean! What are you doing in there all night? Holding hands?"
Sakura's first thought was that they'd made a serious oversight and would in future have to make more of an effort to be messy. Her second thought was screw that; the arrangement was Kakashi's idea and it was his oversight. But if word of this got back to Karasu…
As she attempted to formulate some good explanations for the lack of mess in Kakashi's room, something along the lines of Sakura tidying before Yui arrived, Kaoru piped up. "I'll go," she sighed.
"What?" Aki asked sharply.
"I'll go tell him – Kakashi – that Sakura's not coming so he should just leave her alone." But she looked so nervous that Sakura reached out to pull her back down when she stood.
"You don't have to," Sakura said quickly, not wanting to put Kaoru through any unpleasantness for her own sake.
"No, I think he's kind," she said softly with a faint blush. "I think if someone explains it to him properly he'll respect it." She stood with a brief smile and slipped over to the door. "Don't worry, I'll be back in a little while."
Sakura bit her lip. "I don't think you should-" But Kaoru was already gone from the doorway.
Yui looked on mutely. "She's kidding herself," she said flatly. "Kaoru's terrified of men."
"I wonder why," Sakura shot at her.
Yui shrugged and settled back down. "She's weak, that's all."
The image of the man looking back at him from the mirror was not one he immediately recognised. Rarely did he ever get the chance to examine his naked face as the only times he removed his mask was to eat, sleep, and shave – none of which he did in front of a mirror, but sometimes you just had to take a good, long, hard look at yourself, and right now he looked every bit as sordid as he felt.
He looked away from the mirror and rubbed his hand vainly through wet hair that was beginning to get too long for his liking. Pretty soon he would be able to tie it up and then the transformation into Karasu's identical twin would be complete. Although they'd started out quite differently the similarities were growing, but the question of who had started emulating whom was one he'd failed to answer for nearly twenty years. Kakashi hoped to hell that he wouldn't start acquiring some of Karasu's less flattering qualities – like his domineering, disrespectful attitudes and subtle form of sadism.
Although perhaps judging from his behaviour tonight, maybe it was already too late.
Kakashi sighed as he dropped himself onto the couch of the main room and shoved a hand deep into his pocket in search of the one thing he needed right now – a cigarette. He lit it and drew on it, and closed his eyes to concentrate on Sakura's chakra tag. There was no sign of her approaching. His fingers drummed against the arm of the couch in growing impatience.
The agitation wasn't really at her, after all most girls would run away screaming if woken up to that. Only she seemed to have been enjoying it as much as him until suddenly turning into a wildcat. And not the good kind. More like the kind that hissed and yowled and shredded your face into confetti for breathing wrong.
Whatever had happened, it was clear that whatever small progress he'd made in regaining her trust had taken a step back. He needed to see her. No way was he going to let her run away to hide under her bed and avoid him. He needed her to cooperate with him, whatever objections she found in him, because if she didn't…
It meant abject failure in all his plans.
The creek of floorboards in the corridor outside alerted him to the presence of another visitor. It couldn't have been Sakura, but nor did it sound like the flat-footed maid he'd already sent away twice.
It couldn't be…
Kakashi lowered the cigarette sharply and put his hand on the sheathed ninjato he'd dumped on the couch when he'd first come in. Not again, he thought. Being haunted twice in one night was a bit much, especially after he'd gone to great pains to switch on every light and lamp throughout his rooms in order to banish every shadow from every corner.
But light alone might not be enough to keep ghosts at bay, and if Obito came lurching through that door again he would throw himself out the window and not stop running.
When his visitor knocked shyly on the door he began to relax. To his knowledge, ghosts didn't knock.
"Come in," he grunted warily and was reassured when a perfectly normal, living girl drew the door aside.
He recognised her. She was one of the maids that worked alongside Sakura and was probably the same one he'd initially thought was pregnant. Her face was favoured like most of the maids in this place, but right now it was pale and tense, and she looked was looking at everything but him as if he'd already bitten her head off.
Compared to the mouthy maid from before he didn't quite have the heart lay into her, even if he couldn't quite temper the sharpness when he spoke. "Try again," he snapped. "I asked for Sakura."
"Sakura doesn't want to attend you," the girl murmured. "Not tonight."
"It's not negotiable. Tell her to come or I'll just drag her away myself."
She looked startled. "She won't come. You frightened her."
He snorted. "Nothing frightens Sakura."
The girl's eyes darted up as far as his knee. "You did," she said quietly. "Sakura's the bravest, toughest girl I've ever met. She wasn't even really scared when she got attacked and saw that man die. But she was scared when she came to our room a little while ago. Please don't ask any more of her tonight."
Kakashi looked her up and down and knew exactly what she was thinking – which was undoubtedly that he'd performed some devious sexual act upon a poor unconsenting pregnant girl. And while that was far too close to the truth for his own conscience, he pushed back the guilt and worry he felt. He wasn't asking her to return to continue what had been left unfinished.
Even if the memory of her eager little kisses and moans was enough to stir his cock all over again.
"You have no idea what I'm asking of her," he said shortly. "Go back and tell her to meet me here right away. It's a courtesy. Make sure she understands that I will see her even if it means dragging her away by the hair."
"Please, sir, she won't come," said the maid. "Is it really so important for it to be Sakura?"
"What?" He didn't follow.
"Perhaps I can do?" she whispered. "At least for tonight." With that, she began tugging at the sash at her waist. Kakashi had no idea what she was trying to accomplish until it came loose and suddenly it was on the floor… along with the rest of her clothes.
His mouth opened, then promptly shut again. "Mm."
"I'll do whatever you want," she said mechanically, staring at the floor. "Whatever you ask, sir."
He winced. "I think… you should put your clothes back on," he said, definitely looking at the wrong part of her anatomy.
His gaze jerked back to her face in time to catch the desperate look she shot him. "Please give me a chance," she begged. "I can please you just as well – maybe more. I have greater experience than Sakura anyway. I'll do things she isn't willing to do!"
Now he just felt sick. Ordinarily it was quite nice to have a girl take her clothes off in front of you and demand to be thoroughly debased, but not when she said it with the expression of someone who had a knife against their throat. It didn't take much imagination to wonder who had given her those experiences, not when she had all the sexual confidence of a shivering little dog.
"Put your clothes back on," he said, looking resolutely at the ceiling. "You're not that kind of girl."
"No!" she protested desperately. "Please take me instead, sir! Sakura's my friend, and she's already in so much trouble because of the baby! I can be anything you want me to be just – just leave her alone."
He stood up and dropped the remainder of his cigarette in the coffee table's ashtray. "I'm very demanding, I'm not sure you could keep up," he told her seriously.
She shivered. "I'd… I'd do my best to please you."
"I like pain," he said as he moved towards her. "Mine and yours. Do you like pain?"
"I… I can learn to."
"No, that's not the point. You can't like pain. I want to wrap my hands around a girl's throat and not know whether she's screaming for pleasure or for mercy. Do you understand that?"
She nodded wordlessly, but her mouth had dropped open, aghast at what she was hearing.
"And you still want to offer yourself up?"
Again, she nodded.
"Just to spare Sakura the horror of being with me?"
She froze. "I didn't mean it like that, sir…"
"Sure you did." He gave her a small, cold smile that scared her more than any glare could. "You think I'm a monster who is subjecting Sakura to brutalities you know too well, and you're willing to endure it in her stead just because she's your friend."
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"For being a good friend? Apology accepted." He reached down and picked up the fallen robe to begin wrapping it back around her shoulders and clamped the edges together with his hand, because he had the feeling that if he let go it might magically end up back on the floor. The girl was persistent, but right now she looked confused. "I think I can trust you to take a message to our mutual friend Sakura."
"No… no, I'm here to satisfy your needs," she told him, trying to shrug off her yukata, but Kakashi wouldn't let her. They both knew it was harder for men to think when confronted with a naked woman.
"Men don't have needs, they have wants," he rebuked. "And those that can't control themselves for even one night aren't fit to be called men. But the only thing I want tonight is to talk to Sakura. We had a misunderstanding, that's all."
"A misunderstanding?" she repeated dubiously.
"Yes, so run off back to your dorm and tell her that I want to talk to her."
"She won't come just because I said you want to talk." And it looked like she didn't believe that was all he wanted either.
"Not even to apologise?"
She was silent.
"It's Kaoru, isn't it?"
Her eyes flew wide. "How did you-"
"She's talked about you. She's very fond of you… very protective. If she knew you were naked with me she'd kill me."
"I-I'm sure she wouldn't dream of-"
"She would."
"No-"
"Very painfully."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"She is quite short-tempered…"
"You don't know the half of it," he sighed. "So to prevent my untimely demise, would you put your clothes back on?"
Kaoru hesitated before slowly shrugging her arms back into the sleeves and reaching down to take up her sash again. He felt it was safe to let go and allow her to retie her clothing. When she looked at him she was still wary, but now there was a flush of embarrassment across her cheeks like she understood what she'd done was completely pointless and unnecessary. "Can't you just apologise tomorrow, sir?" she asked "I'm sure she will have cooled down by then."
"If I leave it till tomorrow she will have rationalised another dozen ways to blow it out of proportion," he said flatly. "I need to see her immediately. Tell her that. Make her understand."
"I don't think I can, sir…" Kaoru said pleadingly. In her view, this pair were as stubborn as jungle goats. Sakura had already made it perfectly clear that she wasn't coming to see this man tonight, but here he was making it equally clear that he was going to be seen. One was her friend and the other was an honoured guest of the household that she couldn't risk offending unless she wanted to be thrown out of this estate so hard and fast she'd leave skidmarks all the way across the courtyard.
If it came down to it, she didn't think she could hold her own against this man much longer. Not just because she was obligated to obey, but because she was trying to talk down an experience warrior twice her age whose sharp, scarred face and steady, one-eyed gaze put her on edge. She'd seen him around before but he'd always been masked, and to see the personality in the face hidden beneath it, she wondered at her silly little crush and how insignificant it probably was to this man who had killed so many.
But when she looked for that spark of cruelty that she thought she saw in the faces of all the people like him… she couldn't find it. All she saw was a passive kind of receptiveness, like he was open to all thoughts and ideas around him no matter where they came from, even lowly servants.
So when he said it was all a misunderstanding and all he wanted to do was talk, she wanted to believe him.
"You're right. Normal platitudes wouldn't work on that harridan." He stroked his chin thoughtfully and she heard the scratch of invisible stubble. "She wouldn't be swayed unless…"
He trailed off again and Kaoru waited, toes wiggling anxiously in the confines of her socks. "Unless?"
Now he looked faintly sheepish. "You're a friend of Sakura so I trust you with this message, and I trust that you won't repeat it to anyone else because of the damage it could do."
Her eyes widened. "Damage…?"
"Tell Sakura that I…." He hesitated, and then stepped forward to whisper the rest in her ear as if he was worried there were eavesdroppers nearby.
When he stepped back, Kaoru's eyes were even wider. "That's… that's… I'm not sure how she'll take that," she whispered. "Is she… supposed to believe that?"
"Possibly, possibly not. She's kind of mad at me right now," he admitted. "I'm trusting you to sell it for me."
"You're asking a lot, sir."
"Yes," he said simply.
Well, that was that then. "I'll… I'll deliver your message right away."
"Thank you, Kaoru."
He'd used her name! Kaoru threw herself into a deep bow. "Kakashi-sama," she virtually prostrated as she backed towards the door. But before she slipped out again she cast one more look at the man moving back to the couch. "But… what about the pain stuff?"
He dropped himself back into his former position and picked up the smouldering remains of his cigarette to bring it back to his lips. "What about it?"
"Was that true?"
"I was pulling your leg," he said, dragging on the cigarette and turning a thoughtful gaze to the ceiling. "I prefer a cuddle myself."
And then he flashed her a smile that made Kaoru's heart thump unnaturally hard all the way back to the servants' dormitory.
Sakura looked up wearily when the door slid open and Kaoru entered. Not for a second did she think Kaoru had managed to convince that bull-headed moron to leave her alone, and judging from Kaoru's nervous expression it seemed she'd guessed right.
What she did not expect was for Kaoru, after marching off to defend Sakura's right to peace and quiet for one night, to kneel down beside her and start trying to convince her to go.
"He just wants to talk to you," she promised.
"No!" Sakura gasped. "You were supposed to tell him to stuff it!"
"But I think he means it."
Kakashi had really gone to work on her, to turn Sakura's own friend onto his side. But then a man with enough natural born talent to fool a whole village could easily convince a simple maid from Ame that he had something to say worth hearing.
"He says he's sorry," Kaoru went on. "Like… really earnestly."
Sakura rolled over in her bed and pulled the cover over her ears. She didn't want to hear how sorry he was, she just wanted to be left alone and not have her friends to do Kakashi's dirty work for him. What did he expect her to do? Smile and accept his apology and go back to his bed? She'd rather he stew in his won juices for however long it took for him to feel truly sorry.
"We could still go get my uncle," Aki suggested again.
"We could all shut up and let me sleep," Yui hissed from her bed.
For once Sakura was inclined to agree with the latter – as if she wasn't angry enough.
Kaoru leant down next to her so that her mouth was close to one of Sakura' partially covered ears. "He told me to say… he wouldn't touch you."
A humiliated prickle of heat crept up Sakura's whole body. Kakashi hadn't actually gone and told her what had happened, had he? Did the man have no shame?!
"He said he didn't need to," Kaoru went on, whispering into Sakura's hear so no one else in the room could hear. "Because… I helped stimulate him. He's very relaxed now."
Sakura stopped breathing altogether and for a long time she couldn't remember how to start again. "What?" she croaked dangerously.
"Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned that…" Kaoru whispered, and when Sakura slowly turned to face her she noticed an odd glow about the other girl's face. It was brighter, more fervent than she remembered it being before, and Sakura had the honour of being witness to the fact that Kaoru had come back from this encounter at least twice as much in love with Kakashi as before.
What the hell had he done?
Slowly, Sakura pushed back the covers and climbed to her feet. Without looking at any of the other girls she walked towards the door.
"Finally," Yui grunted.
"Where are you going?" Aki asked incredulously.
"I'm going to make a sandwich," she answered with serene composure.
Instinctively they seemed to know that getting in her way now would mean instant, guaranteed death. She strode out the room with only one thought in mind: to castrate a certain man for the good of womankind, and nothing would deter her now. Even the shadows seemed to flee from her as she stormed through the dim undercroft.
With every step her anger mounted. Just when she'd begun to think there were no further depths to which this man could sink, he'd had to surprise her, hadn't he? Between hearing him confess to blowing up fire country bridges for the Syndicate and Iwa, seeing him freaking out over things that weren't there, and having rosy-cheeked Kaoru come to her with news that Kakashi evidently didn't care who gave him sexual relief, it seemed he was intent on driving her over the edge.
Well, if that was his intention, he'd succeeded.
And he would be her first victim.
Kakashi's door was there at the end of the narrow corridor, growing closer. She sped up, jaw and fists clenching, until she was close enough to catch the handle and throw it open.
"You!" she yelled.
From his position on the couch, he pointed to himself. "Me," he agreed.
"You have no decency!" she accused, each word emphasised with a tremor of anger. "No respect! Not for me!"
Kakashi rose gravely from his seat. "You're angry," he observed needlessly. "Listen-"
"No, you shut up and listen for once!" she raged. It was fortunate this particular guest wing was vacant save for this room, or else the whole floor would have heard her shouts. "I have had it with you and your manipulations and deviance and underhanded tricks! I am not a dog! You can't kick me one minute and expect me to crawl obediently back to you the next! You're not even sorry!"
"I am sorry," he said firmly. "Sakura, I didn't know what I was-"
"I didn't come to hear excuses!" she interrupted. "Kaoru told that you – and – she – you know."
"That she gave me a blowjob?" he guessed. "You realise I told her to say that, don't you?"
Her hands dropped to her sides, eyes wide. "What do you take me for, an idiot? Of course I realise that! You don't have it in you to illicit sex acts from strange girls you don't know, but what, you expected me to believe that tripe because you wanted to get me so angry I'd come up here to confront you about it? Well, congratulations, you insulted my intelligence enough that I came anyway. You think you can pull my strings like a puppet and I won't mind? I'm not playing along anymore, Kakashi! This 'arrangement' is over. I'm not sleeping in here anymore. I only came to tell you that and to warn you to stay the hell away from me for now on because we are, if you've forgotten, enemies."
Having said her piece she turned before he had a chance to open his mouth and respond, intending to shoot off out the door before he could stop her. It was too much to hope for, and she was forced to an abrupt halt when Kakashi's body suddenly blocked the doorway.
"Move," she ground out.
"I'm sorry I scared you," he said quietly. "And I agree, I shouldn't have insulted your intelligence like that."
"You didn't scare me," she bit out. "You pissed me off."
She attempted to push past him, but he caught her arms and held her still. Immediately she was right back to where she'd been in that dark room on that hot bed, struggling against his grip. Her pulse thundered and she swallowed hard, and while he instincts told her to break free and regain some distance, she stood her ground. She would not shy away from him. A kunoichi still had her pride, even if she'd lost so much else.
"I've seen you pissed off and I've seen you scared, I know the difference. I've never wanted you to look at me like that…" There was sadness on his face. Though it made her want to look away, unwilling to see he was as sorry as he said he was, she couldn't escape the hold of his gaze. "What were you so scared of?"
"I wasn't," she ground out.
He sighed. "I suppose you think it's alright to insult my intelligence, huh? Sakura, I wasn't imagining things, was I? You were responding too."
"I don't want to talk about that." She didn't want to talk about his hands on her breasts and his cock pressing between her legs and how good it had felt in those moments before sanity had returned. Her gaze faltered and she tried to step back.
His grip held her. "Have I ever given you reason to believe I'd hurt you?" he demanded.
"That's not the point."
"Then what is the point?"
"It's different," she hissed, "when you're the one being held down and what happens next is not up to you."
"What?" Tension stiffened in his shoulders as he stared at her. His numb hands dropped away from her. "You thought I was going to rape you?" he breathed.
She didn't know how to explain that it didn't matter what she thought he would have done, it was simply knowing that she was unable to do anything about it either way that had filled her with such panic. "I don't like being out of control, that's all," she muttered. "You don't know what it's like going from being one of the strongest women in your village to… nothing. And you can't think that after all you've put me through that I'd just go along with something like that."
"I wasn't thinking. I had a dream and when I woke up I just reached out… and I know you reached back too."
Her face flushed pink. "Well… I wasn't thinking either. I didn't really know what was going on until you shoved your-"
"Right. Neither of us are culpable for our actions," he said, and she noticed a little embarrassment creeping into his tone like a blush across his words. "Let's just agree we're victims of stress and leave it behind us."
"If you like," she tried to say as if she didn't care. Anything to get out of there.
"So…" He gestured awkwardly to the partition door where the bedroom lay. "You can go back to bed."
"Not that far behind us!" she suddenly exploded. "I'm not sleeping here with you!"
"I won't try anything!" he said pleadingly.
"How am I supposed to trust that after what just happened?"
"I don't want to try anything!"
"What?! You find me repulsive?!" Tears sprung to her eyes as arms wrapped ashamedly around her belly. "You're so mean."
His hands came up as if to cup her face – or throttle her neck – but he seemed to think better of it and lowered them quickly. "Would you listen to what I'm saying for once?" he sighed. "I need you here. You're protected as long as you're here. And… I need your help."
Help? What bullshit manipulation was this now? "I'll consider staying when you get down on your knees and beg," she told him grumpily. "Meanwhile I'll take my chances on my own."
He couldn't stop her from leaving, not unless he wanted to resort to force, and she knew he didn't have that ruthless streak in him. So when all he could do was stare at her listlessly, she stepped to the side and moved around him to reach for the door. She would go back to her dorm and that would be the end of the matter – at least for tonight.
She stopped when she heard a thump behind her and turned.
Kakashi was kneeling on the floor, hands braced apart with his body lowered so far his forehead was almost touching the mat. Sakura stiffened. "What are you doing?" she murmured hesitantly.
"Begging," he said.
"You're freaking me out," she told the back of his head. "Stop it."
"I'm sorry if you feel you've been mistreated here. I know this isn't easy for you, but I am begging you to stay. Please forgive me for being a deeply, deeply flawed man because I need you to cooperate me. Not just for my sake but for Konoha's." He remained poised perfectly in his kowtowing pose.
Sakura tugged gingerly at the back of his shirt. "I wasn't serious about the begging thing."
"I am," he said, lifting his head to look at her. "If it's the only way I can gain your trust."
Her eyebrows shot up. "What the hell do you need my trust for?"
"I have a plan," he said simply.
"A plan."
"Yes."
Well, he always seemed to have a lot of plans, but until now it was rare for him to bother sharing them with her. She stared at his floppy hair suspiciously as her mind whirred, trying to figure out what he was up to this time. "And?"
"Can I get up?" he asked.
"Ah – no," she said quickly. Actually, she was just beginning to like him in this position. "This is probably an improvement for you."
She waited for the biting sarcastic remark about taking a picture to make it last longer. And waited. Kakashi remained perfectly still and mute with all the reverence of Lord Zuru's personal retainer. It was so strange… she'd never seen him bow to anyone, not even the Hokage, and if he did not bow to the Hokage he would not bow to anyone. She's heard him say as much to the daimyou of the wind country after refusing to kowtow to the man, more than willing to insult a major governing regime and cause an international diplomatic crisis for the sole reason that kneeling to foreign leader would be akin to declaring the daimyou had more authority over him than his Hokage.
And here he was, submitting to her in a way he had explicitly refused to for the feudal lords.
Sakura swallowed. "You're really serious, aren't you?" she murmured.
"Yes," he repeated without any hint of mockery.
"Ok, now you're creeping me out. You can get up now."
Kakashi climbed back to his feet with a grunt and pointed to the couch. "You should sit down."
This sounded serious. Sakura followed his suggestion and perched herself comfortable on the edge of the luxuriously soft seat. She didn't bother hiding her disgust at the ashtray full of fresh, stinky cigarette butts on the table before her, but Kakashi didn't notice. He'd begun to pace.
"You know about this mission, don't you, and the fact that Tenzou will rebuild all the bridges within a day or two?" he asked her.
She nodded.
"Karasu will hear about it soon enough before he's even finished, and then-"
"You'll be in trouble?" she guessed.
"I can always say I wasn't aware of someone with Tenzou's abilities. The problem is that a failure like this will encourage Karasu or Iwa, or both, to try something more reckless and destructive. I'm not sure I could intercept the next time."
"You can't," she said, like it was obvious. "You've planted yourself in the middle of a war between two major villages, thinking you can keep the two sides from killing each other. I could have told you that this was a stupid long term plan. It's impossible to foil every mission."
"I know," he grunted, "but Iwa only had the balls to declare war because of a contract they made with the Syndicate. We sell them information, we plant agent's behind their enemy's lines to poison the water supplies and contaminate the food stores… blow up their bridges. They're willing to fight only because they have someone employed to sneak around behind Konoha and stab them in the back. If they didn't have the Syndicate, they'd never cope alone."
"So?" she sighed. "They do have the syndicate. That's the whole problem."
"That can be changed," Kakashi told her and suddenly stopped pacing to turn to face her. "I have a plan."
"What plan?" she asked suspiciously.
He hesitated. "I know of a way to drive a wedge between Iwa and the Syndicate. I only discovered it while I returned to Konoha a little while ago, but I can't do it alone. After Karasu and Iwa learn this last mission failed they'll want to try something more direct… but at this point Iwa's confidence in our support will be shaken. If there's a time to strike, it's now."
"What do you have in mind?" She watched his face carefully and noticed he was calculating her just as much.
"The best way I can think of would require someone with expertise in drugs."
"Hm," she hummed. "Like me?"
"Like you," he agreed.
"Are you asking me to help you?" she asked incredulously.
"Yes," he told her wearily, "I figure it would be a miracle if you agreed to help me in any way, let alone hear me out. But it's worth a shot, I guess."
She wrinkled her nose. "You're right. The thought of helping you is something that curdles my blood, but if you're telling the truth about wanting to drive a wedge between Iwa and your family-"
"I have no reason to lie-"
"I'll be the judge of that," she interrupted. "If you're telling the truth, then this plan would be to both our benefit. In theory, I should have no reason not to help you."
He nodded.
"Other than that you're an asshole holding me here against my will who thinks it's funny to carve his name onto my body and molest me in the night," she continued.
He winced and nodded.
Sometimes differences had to be put aside when working towards a common goal. She'd seen and heard enough evidence to believe Kakashi was truly interested in stopping the conflict as much as she and the rest of Konoha was. It was possible she could trust him on this.
"If this succeeds, what happens to me?" she asked warily. As far as she knew, he planned to keep her here until she died on old age in order to protect his identity within Konoha.
"We'll be free. Both of us," he said with unwavering certainty.
She searched his face for any sign of deception or manipulation, or any tiny hint that he was holding something back. Without his mask, he was easier to read, but that still wasn't saying much. Sakura, however, always knew when this man was lying to her, even if she wasn't aware what that lie involved.
There was nothing but honesty in him now.
Ever so slowly she released a long breathe and shrugged her shoulders. "What do you need me to do?"
Next Chapter: The Talking Crow
