PLAYLIST:
Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron and Wine
Marathon (In Roses) by Gem Club
Braid by Gem Club
Let it be Me by Ray La Montagne
Chapter 28
Upon returning to the dance hall, I found Isabella sitting by herself at her table, picking apart a crumpled napkin. I could tell her, I thought to myself. But would she believe me? A nagging voice at the back of my head wondered if Jacob had told her something, that he had left some poisoned seed in her head to fester and bloom. Perhaps it was the reason for her odd behaviour. Tread carefully, Alice's mind suggested glumly. Her vision had been all but dark lately.
The somber love song still floated through the air as I approached her. Her features shifted when she spotted me. The soft smile faded. Her eyes hardened, accusing.
"All by yourself?" I asked lightly.
She averted her gaze, continuing to shred the napkin. "What'd you do to Jacob? You had him running out of here without so much as a single glance back."
I frowned, an unfamiliar feeling springing in my stomach at the accusatory tone in her voice. "He uh, had some things to do."
"With Sam?"
"Yeah."
She let out a sharp breath and shook her head, dusting the napkin pieces off her lap. "Right. After all the crap I tell you about him. You guys couldn't even let Jacob enjoy his night. I thought you were his friend. I thought you were my friend."
"I don't understand. You think I sold him out to Sam?"
"Evidently, yes. You just did. Why can't you be happy for me? Or butt out at the very least."
"I was— I mean, I am happy for you."
"And yet you still side with Sam. He ruined Jacob's life, Edward. Ruined it. He can't even go home without some kind of brawl. And you just let him go."
I palled realizing what she thought of my actions. She saw me standing with Sam.
"Isabella, it's not like that at all!" I exclaimed. "Really, it's not. What did Jacob tell you?"
"Nothing that I didn't know already," she said.
"Whatever he said— they're all lies. All of it. He's been hiding so much from you. I can't even begin to tell you what he's lied about."
Isabella kept her eyes trained at a spot on my lapel. The purple rose I had stuck in there was wilting, its petals drooping forward. "Listen Edward, about the other night. I learned a lot about myself, and confirmed a whole lot about you, about us," she said, sighing. "But that doesn't change how I feel about Jacob. Nothing ever will," she got up and moved past me. "No matter how hard you and everyone else tries."
Fuck. She knew. She definitely knew. "You think I was trying to separate you two?"
"Not was, are trying. You're just like everyone else."
She stormed out of the hall, heels clopping on the pavement as she scanned the lot.
I jogged past her and tried to place my hands on either side of her shoulders to stop her from walking to wherever it was she intended to go.
"Wait, Isabella!"
She pushed my hands away and bared her teeth. "Don't you dare fucking touch me Edward, I know what you're trying to do."
I frowned, trying to gauge her, trying to figure out what the hell she meant. Did she think I was trying to influence her...by touching her?
"Can you please tell me what's going on! Explain something, anything, please!"
"You're on their side, Edward!" She screamed. "With Sam? With Billy? For some stupid reason you think just like they do," she shook her head. "God. I thought you were trying to help me. I was so fucking honest with you…how could you Edward?"
"Listen, Isabella. The only reason why I, as of ten minutes ago, sided with Sam is because Jacob's been lying to you. To all of us."
She placed her hands on her hips. "Did he tell you he's not my imprint?" she asked, impatient.
My expression faltered. "Y-yes?"
"And you believed him?"
"Well, he had some pretty compelling evidence."
"What, did he show you the pack mind? Astonish you with how wonderfully crafted their narrative was? Did Billy transform into a wolf? Saw that as well?"
When I didn't speak, she squared her jaw and continued, her voice carrying out and reverberating off of the brick buildings around us. She laughed bitterly and shook her head.
"And you fell for it. Without a shadow of a doubt. How wonderful to see how much your biology has clouded your judgement," she said. "Tell me, Edward. Why were you so eager to believe him?"
A couple of security guards rounded the bend and questioned if we were alright. I spurred off a few lame excuses, enough to get them to head back inside.
When they were gone, I grabbed Isabella by the hand and led her to the car. She got in without argument and slammed the door shut. I followed in suit, save for the slamming.
I held my head in my right hand and palmed my eye, hoping to coax my brain into understanding. I had…hardly any clue how to proceed. Who was telling the truth? Jacob or Sam? What was the endgame?
"What did he tell you?"
"Drive," she said quietly. "Take me home."
"For fucks sake Isabella, please," I cursed. "What the hell did he say?"
"I said fucking drive Edward. Take me home so help me god!"
Her eyes were ablaze, teeth grinding.
I shoved the keys into the ignition and ripped the car into reverse, peeling out of the lot in five seconds flat. I too ground my teeth. There was so much I could say to hurt her…so much I could say to completely make this situation even more fucked up. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. It was then I realized that there was nothing I could say about Jacob that she'd believe. Had Jacob manipulated her or was I the one being manipulated? I ran through a few possible explanations in my head.
If Jacob manipulated Isabella without my knowing, his family and friends would disapprove but she'd still be his
I know now that it didn't matter if I was Isabella's mate. Influencing her to think badly of Jacob only harmed her opinion of me. Perhaps Sam acted on his own because he detested the coupling or, perhaps Jacob was indeed lying. Another scenario could be that Sam was on Jacob's team and lied about the whole thing - and Jacob, knowing full well that Isabella would never believe rumours, orchestrated the whole thing so that she'd be wary of me and my intentions to have her.
I had to stop myself from continuing. The whole thing was a futile experiment in paranoia, but I did realize one thing:
I was the one who Isabella was the least sure about. Her opinion of me could change in an instant. She now knew how vulnerable I really was to suggestion. How incapable I am of using my better judgement. Especially when it came to her and Jacob. There was nothing I could do to influence their relationship.
Their bond ran deeper than I thought.
I turned to look at her then. I mean really look at her. In all her fucking radiance she still managed to cut my heart deep with how sharply she stared out the window. And it was entirely my fault. Nothing about how beautiful she looked could sooth the irritating burn. If Jacob was telling the truth, then I did betray her, betray him. I let my feelings for her — and my unconscious desire to get Jacob out of the way — cloud my vision. To be fair, nobody had ever used my powers against me before as Sam had so expertly done. I was doubtful to believe Jacob, but according to Isabella, Sam had been spearheading the anti-imprint campaign all this time.
I was completely and utterly confused.
I accelerated all the way down main street and hopped onto the empty highway. If she wanted to be home, I'd get her there in less than ten minutes at this rate. I wanted to hide under the covers like a chastised child.
"You know what the worst part about it is?" she asked, voice cracking. Without the tears and without looking at her, it was hard to tell she'd been crying. "You already know everything. I've told you everything and you still blindly believed Sam."
My heart leapt into my throat. Her bottom lip trembled as she stared out the windshield.
"Please don't hate me, Isabella. I'm sorry I betrayed you. I know it doesn't fix what I did but, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not trusting you." I desperately wanted her to forgive me.
"It doesn't matter," she said without looking at me. "You just showed me exactly what I needed to know."
I couldn't live with myself if she hated me. So far it seemed like that was getting more and more likely.
We didn't exchange another word for the remainder of the drive.
A part of me wanted to drive slower, extend the time we'd be in the same space. I felt her drift from me. I was losing her with every moment that passed. What had I done? I wanted so badly for Jacob to fuck up so I could swoop in there and pick up the pieces. I'd been so blinded by my need for her to look at me that I took Sam's word as gospel.
The drive had to end, however. I pulled into the laneway and moments later, the garage door lifted and I put the car in park. Neither one of us got out, though I figured Isabella wanted to get as far away from me as possible.
The silence was too overwhelming. There was nothing to hear for miles save for crickets and our breathing. "I'm sorry, Isabella," I said. "Please forgive me. I couldn't live knowing that you hate me."
"That's pitiful," she snorted. At least she finally looked at me.
"That's how it works. I can't help it. Nobody can. Every feeling is multiplied ten-fold and then some. Fear, pity, betrayal, hatred…jealousy."
"I know," she said. "The thought of you betraying my trust…well. You can imagine. I feel very hurt."
"I know this may harm your already plummeting opinion of me but, uh…how did I betray your trust?"
She shot me a deadly glare and I cringed.
"I know, I know…from my understanding you are upset because I believed Sam the instant he said something incriminating about Jacob even though I knew that Sam had been orchestrating a kind of takedown mission around him," I rushed. "What else did I do to upset you?"
"I don't take too lightly anybody trying to tell me Jacob's a liar. I know him. He couldn't and wouldn't lie to me. He's the most honest person I know. He's the best person I know… But I'm sorry for freaking out on you like that," she said, reaching over the console to place her hand over mine. "I've been pretty tense because of the whole Sam thing."
She gave my hand a quick squeeze and let go.
"I'm really fucking sorry."
"And I forgive you. But I understand. I'm not mad…you were trying to protect me."
"Yes," I nodded vigorously, hopeful. "Exactly."
"Thanks for looking out for me."
"Yeah," I said. Just looking out. Isabella smiled and got out of the car. I got out as well and locked up.
We rounded the hood together and passed Jasper's collection of antique motorcycles as we traversed the length of the garage towards the door leading to the house.
"For future reference, you don't get to choose who to protect me from then go and do something about it without telling me first," she said as she opened the door and flicked on the lights. "If someone's trying to hurt me, we'll fuck 'em up together. Promise me— doesn't matter if it's Victoria or the Volturi. You're not leaving me out of it."
"I promise," I nodded. "We'll tag team it."
"Good," she smiled. A flood of relief rushed through my veins.
"Isabella?"
"Hm?"
"For future reference…I can't help it if I want to protect you. From Jacob, from me, from yourself…from anybody. I can't be sorry for wanting to keep you safe. Content…even if it costs me our friendship. But I will talk to you first. I'll do my best."
"I know," she paused. "I feel the same way."
I took a beat longer to reply to swallow my pride. "I can't help how I feel…about you. So I'm sorry in advance for the next stupid thing I do— which I guarantee will happen because I'm full of stupid ideas."
"Look at who you're talking to," she said, climbing a step on the staircase, her hand poised on the bannister. "I had you wrapped around my finger the other night. And I loved it. There wasn't anything you wouldn't do for me."
"Honestly, I think I still am."
She stepped down and looked at me, head to head.
"Then I guess there is one thing you can do for me…to make this easier on the both of us."
I nodded.
"Let's be friends first and mates second."
"Okay," I said, exhaling the breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Because I would love you in a heartbeat. If I let myself. And we'd have an even bigger problem on our hands."
"I know," I said.
The sad truth was, I realized as I watched her climb the steps and disappear around the landing, that I already did. I already loved Isabella Swan...totally, unconditionally, and irrevocably.
