AN: Thank you all for the reviews. I know several of you want Tris to get her memories back and she is slowly. It would be unrealistic for her to just magically remember everything one day. Stick with me and I promise you won't be disappointed. Please keep reading and Reviewing, I really love your feedback. Happy Reading!
Chapter 28
Tris
I sit in the pit with Tobias by my side. Christiana is on the other side of me. All of our friends are here supporting us. I chew my nails and Tobias chews the inside of his cheek. I am sure it is raw and bloody by now. Just like my nails.
"Are you sure about this?" Christina says, she looks just as nervous as we are.
"Yes." I say, with my finger still clenched between my teeth.
Tobias takes my hand and begins rubbing circles on it. I press closer to him and he wraps his arm around me, holding me like he is scared I will disappear. I know it is more to comfort him than me, but it feels nice. I close my eyes trying to forget what is about to happen.
I hear the crowd start to grow silent. I open my eyes and see Max and the Candor man standing on the platform they had set up. There are two chairs in the center of it. The Candor man sits down in one and Max signals for everyone to be quiet.
"We are here today to hear the testimonies of Tris Eaton, Eric Smith, and Four Eaton, in the alleged attack of Mrs. Eaton. The council will consider the testimonies of each party and will render their decision at noon tomorrow. Will Mrs. Eaton please come forward."
Tobias's arm tightens around me, like he refuses to let me go. "It will be ok, I promise. I love you." I say. He nods and kisses me before he releases me. Christina reaches out and squeezes my hand and smiles at me. Then I walk up and take my place in the chair. The Candor man takes a syringe out of a familiar looking black box. He plunges the bright blue serum into my neck and I feel my whole body become heavy, and everything seems to slow down. I look out at Tobias and my friends. I feel safe now. I hear the man speaking and look back over at him.
"What is your full name?" The man says.
"Tris Natalie Eaton," the words flow freely out of my mouth, like I couldn't stop them if I wanted to.
"What was your name before you were married?" He continues.
"Beatrice Grace Prior, but I don't remember her. She is dead." I say, my words sounding a bit slurred.
"Why is it you don't remember her?"
"Because Eric kicked me in the head. He attacked me and I fell and then he kicked me in the head. When I woke up I didn't remember anything from the past two years. Beatrice was one of those things. She died that night."
"Tell us about the night Eric attacked you Tris? How did it start?"
I feel my head start to hurt, like it does when I am getting a migraine. I close my eyes and a million images swirl in front of me. I start to feel dizzy, like I am going to be sick if I continue to watch them. I open my eyes and try to focus. I see Tobias looking at me with fear, this is why he didn't want me to do this. He was afraid it would shatter my mind. Right now, I think he was right. I feel like my brain is being picked apart piece by piece. I continue to stare at him, hoping that the spinning will stop. I grip the arms of the chair and take a deep breath. The pieces start to fall in order while I look at him.
"Mrs. Eaton? Are you able to continue?" The man asks.
"Yes, I am fine, I think. Four and I were broken up at the time. Eric came to me while I was standing by the chasm alone. He made suggestive comments to me and I told him I wasn't interested. He became agitated and angry. He grabbed me and tried to force me to go with him. That's when Four came and saved me."
"What type of suggestive comments?"
"Sexual." I state, my eyes never leaving Tobias. He grimaces and clenches his fist, when I answer. I want to look away from him, but I know he us the only thing keeping my mind together right now.
"Do you believe that had Mr. Eaton had not come Mr. Smith would have forced you to have sexual intercourse with him?"
"Yes, he would have raped me or worse. If Four hadn't come when he did, I think he would have killed me. It was not the first time he has threatened me. It started during my initiation and only increased when my relationship with Four became public."
"Is there anything else you would like to share with us today?" The man asks.
I shake my head and look at him. In the instant my eyes leave Tobias's the room begins to spin and the pain becomes so intense I gasp and clutch my head. My eyes close out of reflex and I clutch my head. The images swirl before my yes and I know I will be sick. I feel arms around mine and I can hear his voice, but it sounds so far away.
"Tris, Tris! Baby, please look at me, please!" Tobias's voice is far away like I am in a dream.
I open my eyes and they find his, "Make it stop." I say. Then the world goes black.
I wake up to the steady beep of a heart monitor. I feel something heavy on my stomach and a calloused hand wrapped tightly around mine. I reach down with the other hand and gently run my fingers over the sleeping head on my stomach. His eyebrows are furrowed and his forehead creased with worry even in his sleep. He begins to stir and his eyes flutter open.
"Hi." I say, my voice is hoarse and weak. I wonder how long I have been out.
"Hey," he says, sitting up from the awkward position he was sleeping in. He strokes my cheek with his hand and studies me like he is trying to decide if I'm real or not.
"How long was I out this time?" I ask giving him a small smile. His hand still hasn't left mine.
"Two days." He says. "You've gotta stop this whole passing out thing. There are better ways to get my attention." He grins at me and I shake my head at him. I feel a sharp pain and a strong need to vomit, so I decide it is best not to do that again.
"Tris you ok? You made a face like you were going to be sick." He says eyeing me.
"It just wasn't the best idea to shake my head is all." I say. We are both quiet for a minute, but I know he is going to ask what happened, and I honestly don't have answer for him. I wish I did but I don't. "Tobias I know you are going to ask and I wish I had something to tell you, but I don't know what happened. The serum kicked in and everything was fine until they started asking me about the attack. Then all of the sudden my head started to hurt and I got dizzy. When I closed my eyes all these images were swirling around in my head and I started to feel sick so I opened my eyes and when I saw you they all made sense somehow. As long as I was looking at you I was ok. The minute I stopped looking at you, the pain came back and I got dizzy again. I heard your voice, but it was like you were far away and then everything went black."
"So you remember the inquiry and everything else that has happened?" He asks me cautiously.
Part of me wants to laugh at him and tell him to stop being stupid. But the other part of me realizes that he is not being stupid, that the fear of me not remembering him, us, is all too real for him, so I don't laugh. Instead, I take my hand and press it to his face.
"Yes, Tobias. I remember you, us, the wedding, all of it. I still choose you. I will always choose you. I love you." I say trying to calm his fears with my eyes.
He doesn't say anything, and he doesn't need to. The look he gives me right before his lips find mine is enough to know it worked.
I sit in the conference room with Max, Harrison, and Tobias. We are all watching the screen that is connected to the camera that has been set up in the other room. The room where Eric, the Candor man and the rest of the council sit. I watch as the needle sinks into Eric's skin. His eyes glaze over and his body becomes lax. Then it begins.
"What is your full name?" The Candor man asks.
"Eric Richard Smith." He replies.
"Eric tells us about when you attacked Tris." The man continues.
"Which time?" Eric asks, he makes a face like he is trying to stop the words, but he can't fight the serum. He isn't Divergent.
"You have attacked her more than once?"
"Yes. During her initiation, during the uprising, and at the chasm." He says in slurred secession. "Actually Peter attacked her during initiation, but I ordered him to."
"Tell us about the night at the chasm."
"I had been drinking, and I saw her there alone. I knew they were not together. I knew it was the best way to get to him. I needed him to be weak, broken and I needed her gone. So I went over to her and made a move on her. She didn't respond and tried to walk away, so I grabbed her. I couldn't let her get away. I was too close to finally finishing what I had started."
"What was it you were trying to do?" The man asks.
"Kill her. Ruin him, like he ruined me, and then kill him." Eric says, an evil sneer pressing across his lips.
Tobias's whole body stiffens beside me. The look of out rage in his eyes is unmistakeable. His breathing is tight and is forced through clenched teeth. I take his hand in mine, rubbing circles on the back of his palm to remind him I'm in the room with him, safe and far away from Eric.
"Tell us why you want to kill them."
"Because they are Divergent, they ruined everything we had worked for. They are a threat to the system. They are the reason our city will fall. I was trying to stop them. It was my job to stop them."
Max and Harrison's eyes never leave the screen. I shudder next to Tobias. What did he mean it was his job to stop us? Who was he working for? My head starts to spin again and I close my eyes. Tobias's hand never leaves mine his eyes resolute on the screen.
"Who gave you the order to kill them?" The candor man asks.
"The ones that control the city. They never told me who they were." Eric says.
"You mean Abnegation ordered you to kill them?" The man says incredulously.
"Not them, the other ones. The ones from outside." Eric says.
"Anything else you would like to tell the council today?" The man says.
"They will come for us. They will come for them. They will stop them, even if I have failed." Eric says.
"Thank you for your honesty." The man says.
I look at Tobias. But, his eyes are still trained on the screen. Max and Harrison don't say anything. They just look at the two of us and then at each other. The screen goes blank, but Tobias still stares at it, tense and alert as if at any second someone is going to burst through it and attack us. Max looks over at us again and without a word, he and Harrison leave the room to go deliberate with the other council members.
I take Tobias's face in my hands and force him to look at me. His eyes frantically search mine. He looks so young and innocent in this moment, something in the way he looks at me makes my head spin once more. I have seen that look before, I know I have. I close my eyes and try to remember. He presses his forehead to mine and can feel that he is trembling. We are so close we are breathing the same air. The images begin to slow down. Then I see it.
Tobias stands clutching on to me for dear life. I stare at his chest not wanting to meet his eyes. I look up at him.
"Promise me," he whispers, "that you won't go. For me. Do this one thing for me."
His dark eyes are pleading, desperate. Begging me to do this one thing for him. I feel a stab of pain in my chest as I lie to him. "Okay."
"Promise," he says, frowning.
The pain becomes an ache, spreads everywhere—all mixed together, guilt and terror and longing. "I promise."
I gasp for air as the memory consumes me. I look up at him. His eyes are still pleading with me, needing me to promise that I won't leave him. Needing me to promise that I choose him and now I understand why. Why he looks at me like I might slip away from him at any moment. It's not that he couldn't protect me, it's that I didn't let him.
"I choose you, no matter what, I won't leave you again. I choose you." I say soothingly.
He just nods and kisses me. Then a weak voice, a scared voice, he whispers "Promise?"
"I promise," I say and this time I mean it.
We walk back to our apartment, Tobias's hand in mine. He hasn't spoken since we left the conference room. I refused to watch Tobias testify. I couldn't watch him go through that. I sat in the hallway with Christina and Will. They had done their best to destract me from my thoughts. I hadn't mention anything to them about the inquiry, or what Eric said, or what I had remembered. We talked about work and the end of training. The new initiates and how Abby had chosen to work under me as a faction ambassador in training. Well really we will be I training together since I don't really remember most of my training from before.
We reach the door and I unlock it. He follows me into the room and sits down the couch. I sit beside him. Not talking, not touching, trying to blend into the room, pulling on my Abnegation training to help me become part of the scenery.
He continues to stare at the wall in front of him for what seems like hours. Then, he reaches out and grasps my hand. He holds it firmly in his, still staring at the wall. His fingers trace circles on my hand and then I feel them slide away from mine as he plays with the rings on my finger.
"Tobias, please say something." I say in a hushed voice. To anyone else, I would sound scared. But, I am not scared. I know that he would never hurt me. My voice is quiet because I know he is scared, terrified even. He is replaying that night over and over in his mind, like he does with so many things, trying to figure out how he could have prevented it from happening. Constantly blaming himself for the misfortunes life throws our way.
He doesn't respond and I start to grow anxious. This is bad, very bad. I want him to yell, or hit things, or do something, anything. His aggression has always worried me less than his passiveness. He is only this stoic when something is truly affecting him, everything else is an act he puts on. Just another one of the walls he puts up between himself and everything else.
"Fine." I huff, "Don't talk. I'm going to bed." I say, treating him like a child throwing a tantrum. I let go of his hand and walk into our bedroom, expecting him to follow me. He doesn't. I change into one of his shirts and climb into bed. I lay there and expect to feel his arms warp around my waist, protecting me form my nightmares. I don't.
After thirty minutes of waiting, I get up and go to the door of our bedroom. He is still on the couch in the same position I left him in. I walk up to him and cup his face in my hands. The contact seems to break the trance he has been in and he closes his eyes as I press my forehead to his.
"Come to bed." I say.
His eyes are clamped shut, like he is trying to stop himself from seeing something.
"Come to bed with your wife." I say again.
He still jut presses his head to mine, breathing deeply trough clenched teeth.
"Tobias, please come to bed with me." I plead.
His eyes snap open and are locked on mine. I study them. Normally, there is love, and hope, and concern all mixed together in his eyes. Tonight, all I see is fear and desperation. What did the serum do to him? What awful truths was he forced to relive?
He presses his lips to mine and I feel his neediness in his kiss. He needs me. He needs to feel that I am here, alive and whole, safe in his arms. I pull away and he desperately tries to pull me back to him.
"Tobias, its ok." I say against his lips. "I am here. I am ok. I am not going anywhere. Remember? I love you, I chose you." I say, in a soothing voice. I press my hand to his chest. My rings pressing into the area of his heart. I know that it is where my tattoo is. I take his left hand in mine and press it directly over the raven that stands for him. I can feel his the metal around his finger through his thin undershirt that I am wearing as a gown.
"Tris, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't..." he starts.
"Tobias, please. Please don't." I say. He tries to pull his hands away from my chest, but I don't let him. I can feel our heartbeats in perfect rhythm with each other. "Do you feel my heartbeat? I am alive and I am here, because we are meant to be together. Our hearts beat as one, because that is how it is supposed to be."
My lips find his again, but this time it isn't needy or hungry. It is simply a kiss. I stand up and he stands with me. I lead him into our bedroom knowing that tonight I will be the one fighting off the nightmares.
