A/N: Hey guys. :) Only two chapters left after this one! This is back to Jude's POV.
Note2: I am listening "Fragile" by Black Rain. Srsly check them out. I know I must talk about them like, every other chapter, but really. blackrainuk at myspace.
Chapter Twenty-eight
"In Which Jealousy is Not Jude's Best Look"
Honestly, it's kind of funny how you never realize how much it sucks to be single until right after you get dumped. And of course, by "funny", I mean "morbidly depressing". And by "get dumped", I mean "have your heart ripped out and stomped on by one of the only people you've ever really loved".
But who's dwelling? Not me, that's for sure.
Give me bold-faced lies.
Flash.
Look, I know I'm being mopey. I know I'm wasting my life away by crying over Tommy. But it sucks, and I'm hurt, and I will cry as much as I want to, thank you very much. I'll try to fake happiness for Shay and Lizzy's sake, that's about it.
Lizzy and I were waiting for Shay in the car. From the look he'd given me inside, I had a feeling that something was going on in Tyla-land. I hoped it was good—one of us deserved to have a happy ending, and I'm glad it's Shay. He'd dealt with more drama in the past few years than most—even more than me. And he still managed to stay sane. So did I, but…
"Jude, you know you can talk to me, right?" Lizzy's troubled voice pulled me away from my circling thoughts. "I mean, I know Shay's great and everything…but I'm here too, if you need somebody. You don't have to, like, disappear."
I looked over at her, startled. She was studying the steering wheel, frowning. I hadn't realized that I'd scared anyone with my disappearing act. I'd just thought that they'd known where I was—especially after how at ease Shay had seemed when he'd found me. "Yeah, Liz," I finally said, recovering. "Yeah, I know. Thanks."
"And," she said, a little more enthusiastic, "if you ever need someone to help you find a guy who doesn't increase world-suck, then I'm here for that, too."
"Mm. I'm sick of guys for the moment," I groaned. "Maybe later."
"I'll hold you to that," she laughed.
"I know."
One of the back doors opened, scaring both of us out of our skins. "Shay!" Lizzy gasped, turning to stare at him. "Ohmygosh, what happened to knocking?"
Shay crashed onto the seat and shut the door. Then, he gave Lizzy a wide-eyed look. "Why? Told you I'd be out in a minute, right?"
"Why?! Shayla," Lizzy whined, stretching his nickname out to several syllables. "Me and Jude were having girl-time."
"Oh, sure, be prejudiced against my Y-chromosome," Shay said sarcastically. He was smiling, though. "Meh. Sorry. Can we go now?" He was drumming his fingers on his cast.
"What's your rush, Mr. Impatient?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.
He just smiled, shaking his head.
Give me anxious.
Flash.
"Jude! Hey! Hey, Jude, wait!"
I scowled darkly at the floor, ignoring the voice shouting after me. Stupid Spiederman. He should know better than to talk to me, the jerk.
Give me sore.
Flash.
"Jude," he said, coming up right behind me. I clenched my jaw and rolled my eyes, knowing full well that he couldn't see it. He caught me by the arm.
I wrenched away from him. He wanted my attention? I'd give it to him. I whirled to face him. "What, Spiederman? What could possibly be so important that you would come and talk to me?"
He had the audacity to look taken aback by my outburst. "You, uh, you dropped this," he finally said, holding out a small journal—my diary. I snatched it back, almost on reflex.
"How do you know that it's mine?" I asked, suspicious.
He looked uncomfortable. "Well…I opened it to the first page, and that had your name on it."
Ohmygosh, what? He opened it?
Humiliation colored my face. "Spiederman, don't talk to me. Ever." I turned around and walked off. I pretended not to hear when he said, "What did I do now?"
Truth is…I was miserable. I didn't need Spiederman popping up all over the place a week after Monica Darcy Gate to remind me of this fact. Idiot. I mean, where did he get off, talking to me? And opening my diary? What a jerk.
"Hey, Jude!"
"What?!" I snapped around to face—Wally. Oops. "Oh. Crap, sorry. Thought you were… Never mind. What's up?"
"Are you doing anything later, dude?" he asked, looking a little nervous.
"Um, no, I don't think. Just hiding in my room." Like every other night of the past week.
Give me pathetic.
Flash.
"Awesome. Sneak out and come over to my place, okay? I want you to meet somebody."
I sidestepped a couple making out against the lockers. (Gag me. Get a room, idiots.) "Oh, really?" I said vaguely to Wally. "Who?"
"My girlfriend." He smiled, all teeth and happy eyes.
I should've felt good for him, but I could feel my heart sinking.
Give me selfish.
Flash.
It was oddly quiet when we got up to 620. Typically, you could hear guitars, drums, and screaming vocals the second you stepped out of the elevator. Now, nothing could be heard, other than our footsteps.
"Are they not here?" I asked. Even though I hadn't even plan on seeing the SME boys, I couldn't help but feel a bit distressed. I really did need the distraction, and I had already gone way too long without seeing them.
"No, they're here, I'm pretty sure," Shay answered. When he caught my expression, I saw a glint of panic in his eyes. I almost felt bad for freaking him out.
Lizzy reached the door first, and burst through without knocking. "Hey, boys," I heard her say cheerfully.
I propped the door open for Shay, who rolled his eyes but smiled slightly and hobbled in. I followed, and saw why it had been so quiet—the boys were sprawled out across the room, each with headphones in.
Wally had his trucker hat pulled over his face, and Spiederman was in his own little world, but Kyle looked up when we walked in. He waved and then signaled for us to wait a minute. Then, after a few second, he wildly air-drummed to whatever he was listening to.
Give me dramatic.
Flash.
Seeming to finish the song, Kyle pulled his headphones out and stood up. "'Sup, dudes?"
"Whatcha listening to?" Lizzy asked, bouncing over to him.
Kyle beamed, obviously very proud. "It's our CD—we finally finished. Tom and Kwest are sending it out for release now…we're getting the CDs back next Friday."
"That's awesome," I said, reaching for enthusiasm and falling short. "You guys having a release party?"
To his credit, Kyle's "no duh" expression only lasted for a moment. "Yeah. You guys should come! It's gonna be wicked."
Behind us, the door opened. I didn't have to turn around to know that it was Ty who had joined us. I'd had a feeling that he would be showing up. "Hey guys," he said to Lizzy, Kyle, and I. "Shay—um, balcony, I guess?"
Shay nodded, but then looked to me. "You gonna be okay for a minute?"
"Yes, dear, I will be fine." My eyes rolled of their own accord. "Go frolic in the land of Tyla."
"Frolic?" Shay scoffed.
Give me indignant.
Flash.
"Oh, just go," I said, forcing a laugh that I hoped sounded natural.
"We'll be back," Shay responded in a cheesy Terminator voice. That brought a genuine smile to my face, causing him to grin and readily go off with Ty. I'm pretty sure that he would've stalled until he made me smile, to assure himself that I wouldn't try to strangle myself with Kyle's headphones.
The two disappeared off to the fire escape, leaving me and Lizzy with Kyle and the other guys (both of whom were slowly rising from their music comas).
"So," Lizzy said. "Spill about the party, kid."
Give me over-eager.
Flash.
At around nine, I shoved open my window and lifted myself up and over the sill. My door had been locked to keep mom or Don from realizing that I was gone. Not that they ever did, anyway.
I lowered myself down from the window until my fingers were barely on it. From there, I was only a few inches above a small section of roof. I held onto the gutter, lowered myself down again, and dropped the last two feet. I barely made a sound. I'd long perfected my escape route.
Wally didn't live too far away. Close enough hat I didn't need to sneak my car out, anyway. His house was about midway between mine and Kyle's, so it had always been our meeting point—no matter if we were going to Kyle's or not.
The air was cool against my face as I slunk through the shadows of the neighborhood. The weather was nice, but I almost wished that it were storming, just to give me a distraction. As it was, I had too much time to think. And when you're like me, thinking can be a very dangerous action.
I guess I was just dwelling on how badly I felt. All of this anger, hurt, and betrayal inside me was threatening to boil over, and all I wanted to do was scream. But randomly screaming in the middle of the street isn't exactly the best idea.
I just didn't feel like going somewhere where I'd be surrounded by people who weren't miserable, but of course I had to do it anyway.
I knocked on the front door and waited for Wally to answer. His parents were on some honeymoon—their fourth or fifth—so it was just him there.
The door opened and any trace of good humor left me. "Hi, Monica," I said dully.
My arch-nemesis gave me the once over and sneered.
Typically, I would shoot out, "Don't get your face stuck like that, princess." Today, however, I said nothing.
I didn't want to deal with her. She'd done enough damage to be out of my good graces for good, and I couldn't handle being around her.
The gloating look in her eyes showed that she knew it, too.
Thankfully, Wally appeared at the top of the steps. "Jude! Sup!"
Monica glared at him for a second and then stepped back to let me in. I brushed past her and hurried up the stairs. "Hey," I said. "Is Kyle here?'
"At your service!" Kyle's voice came from down the hall.
Wally grinned at me from under the brim of his hat. "C'mon, I want you to meet Auds—and Kyle wanted to say something, too. I think."
I followed Wally silently, wondering what would happen next.
Give me dulled curiosity.
Flash.
Spiederman and Wally joined in on our conversation. Apparently, they'd all been listening to their finished CD, and came back to reality once it ended.
I was having a hard time focusing on what they were saying. Not because I wasn't interested—I was, really—but because I could see Shay and Ty from where I was standing.
Both were leaning against the railing, looking toward each other. I could see Shay's face—he was talking, and paused occasionally to listen to Ty. I watched as my best friend's expression slowly lit up.
Give me envy.
Flash.
I knew I shouldn't be jealous. I had it so much easier than Shay—being a straight girl and all. I could find someone else with ease, if I wanted to. For Shay, it was harder. I should be happy that he'd found someone so awesome.
I mean, I was happy for him.
But my stupid self-pity nearly drowned that out. Which, yes, did make me feel pretty crappy. I do have a conscience, believe it or not.
"…Would be awesome if you guys came," Spiederman was saying when I tuned back in to the conversation. "We're playing a couple shows, near home, dude," he directed to me.
Rather than ask what he was talking about, I responded, "This is home for me, Speed. I don't plan on going back to mom and Don."
"Eh…right. Sorry." He paused and then continued, full-energy. "But we're playing shows here, too. So you can come to those, right?"
"Sure," I said. I let Lizzy take over on the babble front, and my eyes drifted back over to the window. I got an eyeful of a Tyla make-out session. They had turned sideways enough that I had a much better view. Shay's hands had disappeared into Ty's hair. Ty was holding Shay closer to him—I got the impression that he was afraid that this wouldn't last, and wanted to make the most of it while he had the chance. Like a dream you don't want to let go of.
I looked away. I mean, yeah, I've seen them do a ton of things like this, but this time was…different.
Give me intimate.
Flash.
I didn't feel right watching. And man, I wanted to have that again—someone who loved me that much. The feeling of home-sickness that had been gnawing at me sent a shockwave of pain and longing through me.
"Hey, are you okay?" Wally asked.
I quickly pulled myself together. "Yeah," I replied. "Yeah, I'm fine, Wally. So, um, do you guys need merch girls or anything?" I forced enthusiasm again, but it worked this time.
"You'd do that?!"
"That would be wicked, dude."
"Lizzy—you gonna come, too?"
"Um, you know it!"
I wasn't exactly sure what I'd just volunteered for, but at least it got the conversation to turn away from me. And at least I officially had summer plans. A tour bus with three rowdy guys—eh, I could deal.
Maybe I'd find a way out of it later—but for now, I had something to focus on other than Tommy.
Give me diversions.
Flash.
Wally's girlfriend's name was Audrey. I didn't get a last name from her and didn't really care to know. Which might be a bit of a rude thing to say, but whatever. I couldn't really see the two of us hanging out like, ever.
She kept giving me weird looks whenever I talked to Wally—until finally I just sat on the floor with Kyle and shut my mouth. I don't think Wally really noticed—and if he did, he just chalked it up to me being upset about Spiederman.
But whatever. I didn't need Audrey's approval.
"Um, didn't you have something to say?" I asked Kyle when Audrey was distracted by Wally.
"Yeah," Kyle replied, face brightening. "You're not gonna believe this—you know that job at the CD store? I got hired!"
"Awesome…I'll have to come bug you, working stiff," I teased half-heartedly. All of the jobs I'd applied for had gotten a response of thanks, but no thanks.
And that CD store sucks anyway.
That could just be me being bitter about the fact that I didn't have any of that, though.
Give me jealous.
Flash.
By the time Shay and Ty came back, Lizzy and I had been briefed about tour dates and the rest. It was settled that we would spend most of July following the SME guys around Canada, being merch girls for six shows.
"Seriously?" Shay exclaimed when we told him. "I get to come too, right?"
This was met with a resounding chorus of "Duh".
"Well…looks like it'll be more than just us," Shay beamed to me, and my guilt deepened. It was so nice to see him like this after so long—I needed to be happy for him.
And I could be. I knew that I could. "Yeah, I guess not," I answered. I offered an authentic smile, which came to me easier than I'd expected it to.
The night lingered on as all of us chattered and schemed. I noticed that Shay and Ty stuck close to each other, and were always somehow touching—bumping elbows, leaning into each other. And it made me smile.
When we finally left, it was around three in the morning, and I didn't want to go.
Shay looked at me and grinned. "So—feeling any better?"
"Yeah."
And believe it or not, I was.
Give me honesty.
Flash.
Give me surprises.
Flash.
Give me hope.
Flash.
A/N: All right! End of chapter. :) So basically I'm leaving to go to camp in Florida on Monday, and won't be back til Friday - so if I don't respond to your reviews, I'm not ignoring you! I'll answer when I get back. I hope this chapter was worth the wait bbz.
