There is more to it than angst, I promise (pinky swear), but I should warn you...This one is going to hurt.

Scrop'Blues made me do it *points finger childishly* This is all your fault. *Hate* (also love) *and more hate*

I know, ruins the surprise but I feel like I should give you fair warning before I hit you with a board full of rusty nails. Good form and all. (Fricken prompt ... I was going to leave poor Killian alone... I swear... It was all going to be rainbow kisses and unicorn stickers...)

Tragedy Angst Hurt/Comfort all that good stuff...but also something more ... if you survive the first chapter.


Worth Fighting For (1 of 3)

He'd read about this once, after Milah died. The way the mind absorbs every single detail. The touch of Milah's fingers, gentle on his face; the precise moment they fell and the gasp of... someone that he didn't notice at the time. The way Liam's smile falters just before he falls. The way his hair, damp with tears, sticks awkwardly to his face.

Later you remember everything. And so it seems as though everything was moving slower. And you wonder, if you were just a little faster, a little stronger... a little smarter, could you have saved them?

He should have saved her.


Emma made him her new deputy nearly a year ago. Charming was too busy with the newborn. Well, he wasn't a newborn anymore. Neal was over a year old now and that little Royal had the entire town wrapped around his tiny fingers. The little lad called him Killy. Killy of all things, and he bloody melted every time the creature smiled at him. What is it with this family that he can't resist a single one of them. He couldn't quite pronounce Emma yet. It always came out a little like ma and it made Killian's heart flip whenever he heard it sending his mind to places it really wasn't safe to go, a place with a tiny dark-haired pirate princess with a mischievous glint in her emerald eyes. She always had her mothers eyes, eyes he could never say no to, and he would spoil her bloody rotten.

It was too soon to have that daydream. (It was too late to have that daydream) Emma was still a careful lass, and though they spent nearly every moment together she still sent him home to his own apartment next door at the end of every day, assuming she didn't accidentally fall asleep in his arms, which was happening more and more frequently these days.

They had dealt with a lot together in this past year and he would have never believed this latest arrival to storybrooke was any but one more mess for her to clean up. A prince from some distant land named Hans blew through town charming everyone in his wake. Everyone except Emma of course, though not for lack of trying and there was a time or two Emma had been forced to grab his arm to keep him from burying his hook in Hans' arrogant smirking face... (He should have, God he should have.)

No one knew where he came from, no one in the town knew him until Elsa and Anna returned from traveling to some distant land he couldn't easily pronounce. Then things had gotten chilly fast. Literally, unfortunately. A fierce snowstorm took over in the heat of summer and Emma was forced to seek out Elsa again to figure out what was the matter. It turns out this Hans was a villain from their land who had tried to kill them both. They thought he would be dealt with by his home country but he had escaped and apparently was seeking them out.

"I told you there was something wrong with him." Emma muttered as they left the two sisters home.

"Actually you told me, 'You can't stab someone in the face for flirting with me.*'" Killian corrected gently, hardly trying to hide his glee that this (obnoxious prick) prince was no good after all.

"Well, you still can't do that. He was just flirting, that was harmless."

"He proposed to you... twice...in the first day."

"So, you think stabbing him is an appropriate response?"

"Yes, entirely."

"My hero," she commented sarcastically, but Killian grabbed her wrist and spun her around, kissing her deeply.

Finally he said with a grin, "And don't you forget it, my love."

She laughed and pulled away but he didn't release her, muttering in her ear, "Not until you say it, love."

"I did, just yesterday."

"And I'll want to hear it again. And again and again, as long as I live. Tell me again."

Emma smiled, draping her arms over his shoulders and kissing him softly before whispering. "I love you, Killian Jones, don't worry, no 13th in line prince is going to steal me away from my pirate."

Killian grinned and released her and she gave him one more peck on the cheek before turning back towards the town. She waited until she had put a few feet of distance between them before she muttered, "Really he'd have to be at least 6th."

Before she knew it he had her pressed to a tree, kissing her mercilessly until she was out of breath and seeing stars.

"No one else, love," he mumbled in her ear before dropping lower to kiss her neck, "no one else."

"All right fine... 4th in line."

"First."

"Third."

"You drive a hard bargain, Miss Swan. Second, and he has to defeat me in a duel. That's my final offer."

Emma laughed, "we have an accord."

"Unless you'd prefer another arrangement?" he said, nervously rubbing that spot behind his ear which always sent a thrill into her stomach. He only did that when he was nervous, and when he was nervous it was usually fun for her.

"What arrangement?" she asked, smiling.

He bit his bottom lip gently before dropping to one knee in the snow. "This one, perhaps?"

Her jaw dropped slightly and she seemed unable to speak for a moment.

"I love you, Swan, and I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to hear you tell me you love me for the rest of my life." He produced a ring from his pocket and Emma's jaw dropped further.

"Did you steal that?" she asked hesitatingly.

"You think I would steal your engagement ring, that comes from your side of the family love..."

"Is this... a joke," she asked confusedly.

"Wouldn't be a very funny one."

"You're...you're serious."

"Never more so, love."

She simply stared at him for a moment longer and nerves began collecting in his stomach... was it too soon?

"Swan, are you really just going to leave me down here in the snow all day? I said I liked a challenge but-"

"Yes-" she said softly, apparently even surprising herself.

"Yes, you're going to leave me in the snow all day, or-"

She smiled and laughed and finally held out her hand to him, letting him slip the ring onto her finger. He did so and kissed it gently before standing and pulling her into his arms. "I love you, my Swan."

"Really, Princess?" A voice interrupted from behind them, "He's not even 13th in line!"

Killian pulled out his cutlass and Emma did the same, she still carried her gun, but she found she preferred sublethal force when possible. There were too many almost villains in this town these days.

Hans laughed, "I take it you've spoken to the sisters already, they've a really skewed version of the story I promise you. I was just on my way to speak to them and talk about it."

Emma lowered her weapon slightly and Hans smiled, "Thank you, Princess," he said stepping closer.

"I'm sure they told you that I tried to kill them, right, well perhaps you don't know them as well as you think. That woman's storm destroyed the crops in our land for years. The famine she caused took the lives of thousands of the citizens I swore to protect. She's not safe, Emma."

Emma was listening, blade lowered but not forgotten as Hans made his way closer. Killian remained tense watching Hans' every move with suspicion.

"They were families I knew, Emma. Children I used to see every day, frozen or starved by the dozens. She murdered them, Emma."

He was standing right in front of her now close enough that she could see a tear running down his cheek.

"Hans, she wasn't in control of her power then, If that's true then it is really tragic but-" she didn't get the chance to finish before Killian saw a muscle twitch and he knew what was going to happen. No swordsman worth their salt wouldn't recognize that telling twitch, but Emma was still more familiar with the weapons of this world. In an instant Killian pushed her to the side and raised his blade to block. Not quite fast enough. He deflected the blow but it sliced a gash in his side before Killian knocked it away.

The cut burned instantly and Killian found himself wondering if the blade was poisoned, but he hadn't long to dwell on the thought. His vision was going fuzzy and for a moment he saw double ... two Hanses...two Emmas ...then he took a deep breath and his vision seemed to clear. The slight delay had been enough though and Hans dove to where Emma was trying to recover another blade raised. She had dropped her own when Killian pushed her out of the way and now reached for her gun instead.

A moment later he heard a gun shot and Hans stumbled backward clutching his stomach. His attention was fixed on Hans until he heard a quiet groan from Emma.

Too slow.

She was too slow.

He was too slow.

Emma too was clasping her stomach, blood pooling with alarming rapidity beneath her. He dove to her side instantly, though he felt like his muscles were fighting to respond. The world still seemed a little blurry and his side burned horribly. It didn't matter now.

Emma was holding herself up on one arm, her other arm clutching her wound, but as he dropped next to her she collapsed into his arms. He supported her with his left arm, lowering her gently into his lap and trying to bind her wound with his scarf. If only he had two hands, he had never so deeply regretted the loss of his left hand as this moment. (If he had been faster...If he had been whole...) He finally got the scarf tied securely around her and turned back to her face. Her eyes were closed and she was already so pale.

"Swan, love, you're going to be ok." Her eyes opened and she raised a hand to his cheek. He grabbed her hand before she could touch him, because this can't happen again, not again.

"I love you, Killian..."

"Don't do that, love. Not like this, please, not like this."

"Killian..."

"No! Emma? Swan, please don't leave me alone." He tried to brush a strand of hair from her face but stopped before he could touch her, suddenly realizing his hand was covered in her blood.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered weakly. Where was the spark, the fire? (You couldn't handle it ... she was right.)

He lowered his lips to hers, true love's kiss right? That will make everything right? Her lips trembled under his as he kissed her lightly but there was no burst of energy, no sudden warming light. (A long shot but I had to try. I was hoping you felt as I did.) He pulled away and her eyes were closed again.

"Swan?" he whispered, "Don't go?"

She didn't answer him.

"EMMA!"

He pulled her closer, trying to control the shaking in his arms long enough to check her pulse. His fingers left a red mark on her pale skin as he searched for her heartbeat.

Nothing.

He must have been crying because he could see water falling onto her face and he didn't think it was raining. It was too cold for rain.

The pristine snow around them was gradually turning a deep red and somehow he felt like he was looking down on himself. Watching himself hold her tight, and beg her to come back though he couldn't hear the words anymore. He could hear voices from far away, and someone was coming into the clearing but he couldn't look away from her, couldn't let her go. This is the part where a sudden rush of magic fills the field and her eyes flicker open. She was toying with him, the minx, waiting until he was an absolute wreck before coming back to him.

"Bad form, Swan," he muttered, "stop it, love-"

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he shrugged it away, "Killian?"

Someone knelt next to him and tried to touch her but Killian pulled her away, tighter to himself and away from the invader. They were persistent, they shook him and muddled words reached his mind (Let me help her, Killian, let go. Let me help her.) He stopped trying to guard her with himself and a hand flashed into his vision reaching for her neck. For the spot of red he had placed there. Then the person pulled away and Killian pulled Emma closer to him again, clasping her to his chest as the snow intensified. It was too cold, he had to keep her warm.

It wasn't until someone cried out her name that he finally looked up again, and he saw Snow at the edge of the clearing, she collapsed when Dr. Whale said something to her. Dr. Whale... he should be fixing her, Killian thought before realizing that had been the hand he had barely noticed earlier.

Snow's sobs were the only thing he could hear now and as he watched Charming sank down next to her, enfolding his wife in his arms.

Why the hell were they crying, (why was he crying) she'd come back. Just like on the deck of the Jolly... she'd have to come back.

Charming finally stood when Ruby arrived in the clearing, taking his place at Snow's side.

He walked toward them and dropped to the snow next to him. "Killian," his voice cracked. "Killian please, I need to see her."

He glanced up at Charming in confusion, somehow failing to understand what he was saying.

She was right here, what did that even mean? Then he realized he was still holding Emma in his arms her limp body pressed tightly to his chest. His arms burned, his side ached, but he couldn't let her go.

"Killian," Charming begged again, "please? Let me see my daughter."

Slowly Killian released his grip. He held her loosely in his arms now, cringing at the awkward way her head fell back towards the ground. He couldn't put her down, not in the snow, it was too cold, she would freeze. He gently shifted his body, laying the Swan girl in her father's arms.

Tears flowed down Charming's cheeks and suddenly a horrible thought passed through his mind. She's not coming back. The hero types are crying... the there's always hope heroes are weeping.

Suddenly his attention drifted to the treeline where another body had lain. Hans. He picked up his sword and advanced on him but Whale stepped in front of him. Killian turned his blade on the Dr. backing him up a few steps to a tree. He was saying something and the words finally sank into his mind.

"Killian, stop it, Killian can you hear me?"

"Why didn't you fix her," he growled, voice dark and dangerous.

"She was already gone, Killian you know that." The Dr was still talking but Killian was too far away to hear him, something about shock and hypothermia.

"Where is he," Killian growled.

"Hospital, she must have shot him before... but he's under lock and key Killian, he'll see justice for what he's done.

Killian walked past where Hans had lain, moving into the trees for a few paces before slamming his hook into a tree. It should have been Hans. Hans would have made such lovely anguished cries with his hook buried in his neck. He will see justice. He will scream. He will beg for death. He pulled the hook out then slammed it in again, the entire tree shaking with the force of the blow. He struck the tree over and over and finally he felt something warm breaking into the cold numbness. Blood was dripping down his forearm from his brace. He stared at it curiously...(Shouldn't it hurt? ...It's the same color as hers, why did that surprise him?)

"Killian?" A soft voice called from behind him. His heart leapt for joy, he knew it, he knew she was going to come back. He spun around but it wasn't her. Snow approached tentatively, tears still flowing from her eyes. "Killian, you're hurt too."

She came closer and a hand drifted over the wound in his side. "Let me-"

"I don't want help."

"Please Killian, please let me help you." Her voice cracked and she threw herself foreword into his arms, he awkwardly closed them around her trying to understand what had just happened.

"I'm sorry, Snow," he finally admitted, voice broken, lucidity slowly returning to him. "I was meant to protect her. I should have saved her. I'll fix this, I'll find someone who can save her, I'll trade myself for her, there has to be a way..."

"Killian there isn't, please just let me help you. I need to do something, ok."

Killian nodded and Snow led him back to the clearing. His eyes were drawn instantly back to her, still wrapped in her father's arms. He felt some nominal satisfaction that they wouldn't leave her alone, wouldn't let her get cold. Snow bandaged his side carefully and he loosened the hook for a moment so she could slide a piece of gauze underneath the brace.

"I have to go to the hospital."

"You can't do that, Killian."

"Oh just watch me."

"Killian... I saw the ring. I - Listen to me, do you really think that's what she would want?"

"Now we'll never know will we? And that's his fault. I will rip him to pieces, Snow, so many pieces they'll never find them all."

Killian's voice was like ice now and Snow's tears intensified. He turned away from the clearing intent on making his way to the hospital but something stopped him dead in his tracks. Henry was standing at the edge of the clearing face contorted in agony. Regina held his hand but he twisted trying to get away, finally he broke free and ran towards Emma. Killian intercepted him, picking him up and turning him away from the sight.

"Let me go, I have to see her, Let me go."

"Not like this Henry."

"Killian please, I have to-"

"You will, but not like this. She wouldn't want you to see her like this."

Henry's sobs replaced Snow's and now they were the only thing he could hear. The boy began to shiver and Killian put him down for a moment, wrapping his coat around him before picking him up again. He didn't put him down again until he reached Regina's car. Regina didn't speak, but her lips were terse and tight. She and Swan had not been on the best of terms lately but she loved her son, and she would never have wanted him to have to go through this. They followed the ambulance to the hospital where they were told they could see her once more. Killian felt nothing except Henry's hand in his, the lad had refused to let him go since they got in the car.

The closer they got to the hospital the more anger welled up in Killian's mind. Hans. Hans was going to die. In the most brutal way he could imagine and his mind was offering him some tantalizing options at the moment. (Sharks were too good for this scum...he couldn't watch the look of agony on his face with the sharks...) When they reached the hospital they all gathered in a waiting room. They should be waiting for someone to come out and say...it was a close thing, but she's going to be fine. Instead they were waiting for them to clean her... her body. So that her son could see her one last time. Sudden rage passed through him as he imagined Dr. Whale cleaning her body but when he tried to get up Snow grabbed his arm.

"He shouldn't touch her. None of them should touch her," he growled, "I should be in there, I should protect her."

Snow hugged him again, "the nurses will do it, Killian, she said softly, so softly he almost didn't hear her.

When the nurses finally said they could come back Regina handed Henry over to Snow. "You should go with him," she mumbled.

With Killian on one side and Snow on the other they made their way back. Charming followed closely. He hadn't spoken a word since the clearing.

Killian felt dread mounting in him with every step. This was it, if he saw this it was over, his life was over. One more murder, and then he was done (sated, replete, life's purpose ... destroyed).

Snow must have brought some of her clothes with her to the hospital because Emma was dressed in a clean dress when they finally saw her. It must have been Snow, if it were Emma's choice she'd be wearing her jeans and leather jacket.

Henry and Snow cried again but he and Charming were still. When Henry's tears finally dried up Snow led him out of the room and Charming approached the table. "I should have been there," he muttered, whether to himself his daughter or Killian was unclear. He took his daughters hand, brushing it lightly with his and noticing the ring on her finger.

"Did she smile?"

Killian glanced at him questioningly and David touched the ring once more. "When you asked her, did she smile?"

Killian closed his eyes, picturing the moment in perfect detail. "Radiantly, mate, most beautiful thing I've seen in four lifetimes and any world."

Charming smiled tightly. "You should have asked me."

Killian chuckled humorlessly, "I don't think she'd still have said yes if I'd asked you first. Besides, I figured you more or less gave Prince Charles your blessing."

"You would have made her happy... I'm glad you got to ask before-" he stopped and turned from the room unable to finish.

Killian was alone now and he finally forced himself to look down at her.

People say that they look like they are sleeping. It's not really true though. When Emma sleeps her eyes twitch and she smiles or frowns. She kicks and mumbles unintelligible things that he tries desperately to understand. It's not like this. He takes her hand gazing at the perfect fit of the ring on her finger. He had spent so long with his fingers laced through hers, it hadn't been hard to guess her size, then one night he had slipped the ring from his pocket while she slept and slid it onto her finger, just to be sure. It looked perfect there, so perfect he was tempted to leave it...

He had the sudden impulse to rip it from her finger. Because this isn't her anymore... He could take it and shove it down Hans' throat and watch him choke on it-

He takes a deep breath trying to calm his mind and instead kisses her hand and then her lips. It's all wrong. He sees the swan necklace around her neck and pulls it over her head, gently detangling her hair from around it. Pulling the pirate medallions with his hook, they break, scattering useless trinkets on the floor, and in their place he drops the Swan necklace. He could strangle Hans with it, he thought abruptly, make him gasp for air until he finally goes as cold as his Swan.

Clenching his hand he turns from the room walking determinately towards the wing of the hospital they had taken him to when he was injured. (Chills, darling.) It doesn't take long before he finds Hans.

He advances menacingly and a small piece of his mind is irritated that he's still asleep. He won't scream. Hook wants him to scream. Suddenly someone darts out in front of him. Henry?

"What are you doing here?" Killian asks, harsher than he meant to.

"Stopping you."

"Lad...He killed her. He destroyed her, I have to..."

"Don't Killian. I know you loved her, I know you wanted to be home with us. You can't be home with us if you kill him."

"She's gone Henry. This man destroyed my home, my heart."

Henry looked angry now. "Fine, you can abandon us if that will bring you peace but don't you dare kill him for my mom. If you kill him, you do it for yourself."

The boy stalked out of the room, fresh tears on his cheeks and Killian turned back towards the one who murdered his Swan.

He should be waking up soon, Killian thought, watching the man with a predatory gaze. He'd wake up soon...then he would scream.


AN: Because I'm mad at Scorp' Blues for 'making' me do this, I'm going to stop here. Also because I totally want to cry right now. At least I made him happy before I utterly destroyed him, (does that make it better or worse?)

No more angst in the bonus scene, i promise, my heart can't take anymore anyway. As you may have noticed, I'm using * to remind myself where I was thinking about putting the bonus scene. This one is safely in the fluffy zone.

In all honesty I really do appreciate the prompt, it pushes me out of my comfort zone. I know it hurt guys but I really tried to do these characters as well as the complexity and confusion of grief justice. I just hope it didn't come off as cheap angst. I really did want it to feel real *leaves to go cry in a corner for a while*