your favorite writer, and kels too, have tumblrs: srzlysaywhaaaa and kelsthecowriter so leave us some asks and follow us because we're both amazing and maybe if you're good children I'll upload some of the drawings of Aly, Gwen and co. I've done over the past few days. okay, back to this piece of poop I wrote.


"You look so classy and nice, you're gonna stick out like a sore thumb. Have you seen how the kids are dressing these days, with the Ashlee and the Lindsay and the Paris? They all dress like strippers. It's, "Go ho or go home." Now ladies... SLUT UP!" -Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother

Aly's POV

Okay, I know I've been saying for a while that this party was probably going to be lame, since my parents planned it for the most part, but it's actually been really fun.

Just don't tell James or Jane I said that.

There was no pin the tail on the donkey or clown, which I'm so very thankful for. But there was also no male stripper. I guess Cory will have to do.

Except he's better than a male stripper, because I don't have to stick money between his ass cheeks to get him to do sexy things with me.

I keep touching the necklace he got me. It even feels gorgeous. Jewelry always looks gorgeous, because it's me wearing it of course, but my fingers have never tingled when I touched any other piece of jewelry.

Speaking of Cory, I bet you're wondering where he is. Well, he's hanging out with David right now, since they're best bros and chizz and they haven't seen each other in a while either. David's been busy with soccer and Cory's been busy being a sexy millionaire. I've had enough time with Cory today.

And Gwen's too busy giggling like a madman to make out with her boy toy, so I guess she had time to do that before I came back home.

How do I know Gwen's giggling like a madman? Because she just strolled up to me, giggling between bites of the sexy piña colada cake they got me.

I hate the word giggle.

"If we wanna get there before it gets too crowded, we should probably leave now." Gwen bounced on the heels of her wedge clad heels, accidentally dumping her half eaten slice of cake on the hardwood floor of the dining room as she did so.

"Nice." I rolled my eyes, but smiled as I got up from the dining room table, which was flooded with various types of junk food that I didn't really like, and the cake, which I surprisingly did like. "Did Remy drop off our IDs?"

"Just now." With a sneaky smile, Gwen yanked something out of her dress pocket and handed it to me.

Wow. I'm holding in my hands a fake ID. I look terrible in my picture.

It really does look authentic.

Before anyone could walk up and see something that would get me murdered by my parents, I slipped my ID into my left bra cup. Don't judge, the dress I'm wearing doesn't have any pockets. Sometimes Victoria's Secret Compartment comes in handy.

And it's a good thing I did hide it, because the maternal parental just walked into the room. "Allison," my mother started, holding her arms out. "Give your mommy a hug, will you?"

Uh, no.

But what the hell. This party didn't bite. I guess it's the least I can do.

After hugging me a little too tight, Jane let me go with a content sigh. "You kids are growing up so fast… Speaking of which, Daddy and I kind of need to tell you three something."

"Can't it wait until tomorrow or something?" I looked around my mother to see Cat standing outside the dining room, waiting patiently for us and playing with one of the balloons that had been floating around. "We were gonna go with Cat to, uh-"

"I'd really like to tell you all now," Jane said, frowning. "Just let me find Beckett and your father." She turned on her heel and started walking toward the entrance of the dining room.

"Uuuuugh." I shot Gwen a glance, and she looked about as pleased as me. "All Time Low will be backstage tongue-banging groupies by the time she's done blithering about whatever stupid thing she wants to talk about. We have to get out of this. Quick, eat some of tinsely stuff that was on Cat's present."

"I've got an idea that won't put me in the hospital," Gwen said, trying not to look offended by the fact that I would rather poison her than listen to Jane blither on about shit. She looked down at the splattered cake from before, then out the opening of the dining room at a certain Jewfro. "Hey, Rob, come over here!" Gwen waved Robbie over and smiled a smile he probably rarely sees. Because it wasn't a smile that was caused by sneering about his urban puppet or that train wreck he calls a face.

Joking. Mostly.

Robbie started walking over. "What's up, Gw-AAAHHH!"

For those of you at home thinking that Gw-AAAHHH is some kind of freakish nickname Robbie has for Gwen, you'd be wrong. He just didn't get to finish saying her name, as he was too busy slipping on the pineapple coconut cake Gwen dropped, that's all.

And because she apparently has Hostess Senses or just hear his cries of pain or something, Jane speed walked back into the dining room. "Robert, are you okay, dear?"

I didn't have time to hear his response, because Gwen dragged me out of the room. Aggressive much, sis.

I guess I can't blame her for being excited. I'm probably even more excited than she is, if that's possible. I'm just better at hiding it.

"We're ready, Cat." Gwen tromped up to the redhead, who was drawing a smiley face on a purple balloon with a Sharpie.

Cat looked up from her creation and smiled at us. "Coolie! I'll get my keys." She held out the string of her balloon to me. "Hold Logan for me. 'Kay, thanks!" And with that, she skipped into the foyer to get her purse.

Logan, huh? Weird name for a balloon.

... Why the hell do I care?

Cat was back in literally ten seconds. I don't know why she couldn't hold her silly smiley faced balloon herself. Hmph. "Kay kay, I'll give Robbie a quick kiss goodbye and then we can go."

"Uh, I think Robbie is... busy," I told her, handing 'Logan' back. "Yeah, busy."

"Oh. Okay, I guess I'll see him later." Cat gave us a cheeky grin and started heading toward the door. "Let's go!"

Cat was already out the door when Gwen and I grabbed our bags, which had all our supplies for the night. More details on that later.

As I hoisted my tote onto my shoulder, I heard a high pitched squeak, followed by a "Trina, you didn't have to step on him!" from the girl with the glittering bosoms.

And that was followed by a Trina-like huff and a "Well, if he doesn't want to be stepped on, he shouldn't be lying on the floor like that."

I hope Andre makes her ride back home in the trunk too.

Once we were out the door, we saw that Jade was leaning against Beck's RV, with Beck pressed on her body, all up in her grill. Yeeeah, that's what I wanna see.

I was planning on just sneaking past them, but Cat and I don't exactly have the same mindset. "Hi, guys!" she chirped in her usual happy voice. Jade pushed my brother off of her so she could properly glare at Cat for ruining the moment. She either didn't notice the intensity of said glare or she was just used to Jade's icy glares. "We're going on an adventure!"

"Oh really?" Beck raised both eyebrows, but didn't look at all suspicious. Huh. "What kind of adventure?"

"A super special sweet sixteen adventure, that's what kind!" Cat giggled, doing a small twirl before skipping over to her car with a quick 'bye!' and a jingle of her keys. Sheesh, she's more excited than Gwen and I combined, and all she's doing is driving us there.

Then again, I think she had a lot of caffeine-filled Mountain Fizz.

As Gwen practically launched herself into the backseat of Cat's car, I looked back at Beck. "Really? You're not gonna give me the third degree about where we're going or frisk me for drugs or weaponry?"

Beck rolled his eyes. "Als, come on, I'm not that bad."

All he got in response was a raised eyebrow from yours truly.

"… Am I really that bad?"

"Possibly."

Jade let out a short laugh, so short I barely caught it, and pushed past Beck. "Exchanging body fluids makes me thirsty, so I'm gonna get something to drink. Allison, even though I hate birthdays, I hope yours didn't suck." She gave me a hug, which was probably her second gift to me, and walked to the house before I could respond.

Beck looked back at me and told me, "It's your birthday, sis. As long as you don't shove Gwen into the monkey cage at the zoo, go out and have a good time."

"And how am I gonna do that if Gwen doesn't get bitten by monkeys?" I smirked before turning around and walking toward Cat's car.

Before I even took two steps, I heard a Beck-like voice call out, "What, are you too old to give your big brother a hug goodbye?"

"Duh." Nevertheless, I spun around and ran back to give him a hug. Hell, he deserved it, considering he's letting me get behind the wheel of his baby next week.

Forehead kiss for the birthday girl. "Try not to get arrested."

"Not making any promises." I winked at him before running back to Cat's car and hopping into the front seat.

The worst part is that getting arrested is actually a possibility.

/ /

"Are these shorts too short?"

I looked over at my sister, who was posing in front of the mirror in the filthy Texaco gas station bathroom that we had no choice but to use. We had Cat drop us off there because it's really close to Avalon Hollywood and we couldn't tell Cat to drop us off at the McQueen memorial 'cause, y'know, there is no memorial. Gwen told her we needed to get some Red Bulls because we'll need wings before the night is over to get through the exhibit. Being Cat and all, she bought it.

I can't tell if that's a dirty rag in the corner or a dead rat.

I hate gas stations.

"Yes. If you bend over, I'd probably be able to see the birthmark on your ass."

I wonder if she still has that… Though I sure don't wanna find out first hand.

Gwen nodded contently. "Perfect."

Wait, Gwen wants to look like a skank? Gwendolyn Oliver, the prudiest prude on Prudence Island, Rhode Island?

That's an actual place, bee tee dub.

"I thought you hated showing off skin." I applied another coat of Maybelline Colossal Volume mascara before looking back at my sister. "I'm surprised you didn't wear a turtleneck."

Gwen's lips puckered into a pout. "One, turtlenecks are for weenies. Two, I have matured since then. Immodesty never killed anyone."

She's matured? So showing off her headlights in her low cut coral knot strap tank top and her not as toned as mine but not half bad legs in her barely there shorts means she's more adult?

Sounds good to me.

Now that I've described Gwen's outfit, I have to describe mine. My sexy body is adorned with a pink leopard print tank top with a studded black heart in the middle that shows off the bottom of my belly, along with velvet bow peep toe boots. And I'm wearing barely there shorts too, but mine are white while Gwen's were just regular old blue denim. Boring.

Jaykay. But I'll compliment her so I don't have to do it internally. "Looking good, Gwenny. You actually don't look ten years old for once."

After applying some light pink Paul and Joe lipstick, Gwen smacked her lips and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Why? Because I'm dressed like a hooker and have on ten pounds of makeup and body glitter?"

"Probably."

"Hmph. Well, for what it's worth, you look great too." Gwen smiled, handing me her roll on body glitter. Ah, what the chizz. Maybe Alex Gaskarth will notice my glittered up chest area and call me on stage so he can sing to me and ask me to marry him.

That's what's gonna happen. You'll see.

I crammed my makeup kit into my bag with my old clothes and threw it over my shoulder. "You ready?"

"Whenever you are, birthday chica."

Spanish bonus. Nice.

Or whatever language chica is supposed to be in.

/ /

"Okay, there's the window to the women's bathroom." Gwen pointed up at the tiny window above the grungy dumpster that was probably filled with broken glass and stale happy hour appetizers. "When you get inside, wait for me to come out."

"You know, instead of shimmying through that window, you could always just take a chance with that fake ID."

Gwen looked at me as if I was an idiot. Is this how she feels when I do that to her? "Aly. The bouncer would have to be blind to think I'm anywhere close to twenty one."

"… True, true." I clapped her on the back and put our bags behind the dumpster. "I'll see you when I get to the restrooms."

Before I could leave, Gwen grabbed my wrist. "Wait. We're leaving our bags out here?"

I gave her a skeptical look. "Yeah. We've got our clutches, which has our money and IDs and stuff in it. You seriously want to lug around the rest of our junk for the night?"

"Well, no, but… What if a hobo comes along and takes our dresses and wears them or sells them for crack money or something?"

Blink. "Why would a hobo be in an alley outside a night club in Hollywood?"

Gwen just shrugged. "Hobos probably like All Time Low too."

Aaaaand that's when I started backing out of the alley.

While Gwen slipped her metallic heels off, gripping them in her left hand and started climbing on top of the dumpster, I emerged from the alley, where I wound up at the back of the line for the club entrance.

Fingers crossed that Remy knows what he's doing when it comes to ID forgery.

And that I either look twenty one or over or hot enough that the bouncer will let it slide.