"Bella!" Alice immediately reprimanded me as Laurent staggered and I headed towards the forest, glaring and growling warningly at the widened golden eyes staring at me.
Uh uh. I was too fed up at that point. My plan was pretty much, I'm walking the fuck home, just try and stop me.
Is anyone really surprised that that didn't really work out?
"Isabella Swan, where do you think you're going?" Alice cried, a hand wrapping around my wrist. She stayed me with her strength and I whirled on her.
I felt my stomach twitch in annoyance at the use of my full name like I was a petulant child, never mind the fact that technically, I was acting just like one.
"I don't know, okay! I didn't sign up for all this! I didn't sign up for crazy evil vampires and a plot for world domination! Okay? I really don't care about all this crap, alright! I just want to go home!" I shouted back.
"Well, you can't!" Alice yelled. "Whether you like it or not, you're stuck here! You can't go home because everyone thinks I've kidnapped you!"
"Haven't you?" I screamed, ripping my wrist from her grip.
As soon as I said it, I regretted it. Alice flinched as if I'd slapped her and I felt a sharp reminder of the time when we had been in the bathroom, our first semi-break up, when I'd told her I needed my space. The look on her face then was relatively similar, except now her lips thinned out and her eyes flashed in angry hurt instead of insecure pain.
"Is that how you see this?" she breathed and I barely noticed how quiet everyone had gone as we squared off.
"Alice..." I muttered, haphazardly running a hand through my messy hair, vaguely noting how silky it felt against my sensitive vampire skin.
She didn't let me finish.
"Fine. Fine, I guess you're right. I did just kidnap you, didn't I? Forgive me, for trying to save your life. Forgive me for fucking everything up, again. Goddamn it, forget this. I give up," she threw her hands up, her voice catching ever so slightly as she brushed past me, eyes beginning to shine.
"Wait, where are you going? Alice!" I cried, disbelief in my eyes as she stomped off into the trees.
One of the vampires made to stop her but she snarled at him once and he backed off quickly.
I felt a wave of irritation hit me hard.
What the hell is her problem?
I mean, I knew things were bad and she was probably upset but what the HELL. You can't just up and walk off like that.
...Okay, sue me for being a hypocrite. I didn't care at that point.
"Damn it, Alice!" I yelled into the darkness, taking off after her.
"Bella, hold on a second!" I heard Edward call, but Laurent quieted him, telling the bronze haired boy to let us work it out.
I tore into the brush, feeling an angry rumble in my chest.
She really needed to get it together. This was ridiculous. I should have known she was more fragile than she'd let on, but to be so sensitive? Give me a break. She was not the only one having problems here!
I'm not even being selfish. I did not ask to be dragged into this mess. I did not sign up for Ms. Take Over The World Sulpicia's bullshit, nor anyone else's. Get off my clit. I was doing my best to deal with it, and she was all 'me, me, me.'
Don't get me wrong, I loved Alice to death, but I couldn't fathom what her deal was. This wasn't even the first time she'd be insensitive to my problems or what I was going through.
Girls, man.
These thoughts ran through my head as I smashed through the underbrush, snapping branches and tearing apart the leaves, following Alice's scent and the tiny path she'd left as she disappeared into the forest.
As I stumbled into a clearing, eyes narrowed and set to yell my lungs out at my pixie, I caught sight of her, crouched on the ground, hugging herself and dry sobbing.
"Alice, what the f-"
I cut myself off, my heart clenching.
God.
Fuck.
Ing.
Damn.
It!
I can't even shout at her when I want to. Seriously, how was I supposed to yell at my crying girlfriend? I can't stand it when girl's cry. For some reason, it just hits my sympathy button so easily.
And when it's Alice, hugging her knees to her chest and rocking back and forth, lonely and broken on the forest floor...
My swelled up chest deflated with a rush of exhaled air as I frowned, biting my lip and bringing both my hands up to my head in frustration and confusion.
"Alice...?" I whispered and she didn't even look up, but I knew she knew I was there. "Alice, baby, what's wrong..."
You'd have done the same thing, so shut up. I rushed over to her, falling to my knees next to her.
"Oomph!" I grunted as she flung herself on me, throwing her arms around my neck as soon as she felt me near her.
Girls. Are such. A drag. I mean, come on. What a ridiculous mood swing.
I fell backwards onto my ass, wrapping my arms around her instinctively. My vampire side grumbled unhappily at Alice's unhappiness. I felt my chest rumble softly, protectively as I scooped her into my lap and she sobbed heavily into my neck, clutching me close.
"I'm s-s-sorry," she wailed into my shoulder and I felt her grip me tightly, her body heaving.
I didn't say anything. What could I say? Besides, she was still babbling in her watery voice, ebony eyes pressed against my skin.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered again and I felt the gentle scrape of her fangs across my flesh. I immediately recognized the tiny love bite as a further attempt to apologize. It was engrained into my instincts.
"Alice..." I mumbled, rubbing a hand up and down her back slowly, between her shoulder blades.
Angry as I might have been before, I just couldn't hang onto it, not when she was so vulnerable and upset. I had my nose buried in her hair as she continued to cry, clinging to my tiny shirt.
Speaking of clothing, she was still wearing Sulpicia's damned cloak and I wrinkled my nose at the bitch's scent. Still, Alice's own intoxicating aroma convinced me not to tear the cloak to pieces.
"I k-know I've been a horrible g-girlfriend and I'm so sorry, B-Bells, I'm so sorry...I n-never meant f-for all o-of this and I don't mean to blubber and w-whine and to h-hurt you like I d-do...All I ever wanted was for u-us to be together, for you to l-love me back, for us to be happy...But I can't stop screwing up and I'm sorry...I'm trying so hard b-but I can't fix anything, and I can't p-protect you...I nearly killed you...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
Her voice trailed off into a broken whisper as I began to rock slowly back and forth, holding her to me. She was shaking so hard and my heart spasmed painfully for her.
Alice...Had...Messed up a lot. There was no denying that. But she wasn't the only one. And it's not like she meant for any of this; she'd said it herself. Nah, the only one to blame here was Sulpicia.
...Mm, the blast of fury that clenched inside my chest was hard to suppress. I couldn't stand that Alice was hurting, and I vowed to make Sulpicia pay.
I don't give a flying fuck what anyone says. Good intentions matter. Just because your actions matter, too, doesn't mean that your intentions are null and void. For instance, if I slapped someone with the intent of hitting a spider on their cheek, I'd feel no shame for my actions, even if it might have been better to calmly swipe it away.
But if I'd slapped them just for the hell of slapping them, then that was a different story.
Like, say, when I slapped the dog shit out of Rosalie.
Ahem.
Anyway.
What I'm getting at is that I had no doubt that everything Alice did, she did because she cared. She just didn't understand a lot of what to do correctly, and she certainly didn't understand how to ask for help. She never meant to hurt or ignore me. She was just trying to get by with me, to be with me but you can't deny, it seemed like the whole world was out to get us.
Slowly but surely, Alice began to calm down as I remained contemplatively silent. I held her close as her shaking turned to slight trembling that died down to little shivers as we sat there in the moonlight pouring down through the trees.
She finally stopped crying after a few minutes, her chest stopped heaving and her breathing evened out. I felt her slow, consistent heartbeat against my own, the soothing cadence of a sleeping pattern lulling me into a state of relaxation, even though the situation practically called for anything but that.
It seemed that there was nothing more calming in the world than just...Holding Alice...Just...Being with her.
"Do you...Remember the day we met?" Alice mumbled softly after awhile, still wrapped in my arms.
I didn't verbally reply, just nodded slowly.
"When we kissed...For the first time...I was so happy, Bella...For all my life, all I'd ever known was fear, and then vampiric emptiness...There was nothing...The night that I...That I changed you...Do you remember what Esme said, about how I was a shell before you came around?"
Another silent nod.
"It was true. I was lost, Bella. Don't think me a cliché, please, but that's how it was. I was lost without you. And the moment that we kissed, when you first confirmed that maybe I wasn't just nothing to you, I felt like everything was perfect. It was only a minute or two of making out, and I know I should have spoken to you instead of jumped on you, but it was so hard...You were and are my everything...I couldn't control myself...I just wanted to know you cared, that I mattered..."
I listened closely, gently scratching my nails down her back to let her know I was paying attention. I just let her speak; somehow, I knew she needed to get this out, off her chest, to let go. There was nothing I could or needed to say.
"I know it's so selfish, but from that moment on, I was always desperate to know that it wouldn't change, that you wouldn't stop liking me...And the day you told me you loved me...I don't think you realize how amazing that made me feel. I never mattered that much to anyone, not like that. Everything that I've done is because I'm terrified of losing you...I can't see everything, even if I see a lot...It seems like every decision I make is wrong¸ when all I'm trying to do is keep you safe and make sure you know I love you to death and back again..."
Her heartbeat gently rebounded off of mine as she leaned on me, one hand lazily playing with the hair on the back of my neck.
Her words, I had guessed as much.
"And please...I just need you to forgive me...I know I sound like I'm obsessed with myself and I know it's so horribly melodramatic for me to break down and cry like this...I know I sound insensitive but I'm not...I know you're having it hard and I know it's my fault; even if there's no use dwelling on it, I do...I try to pretend like you don't know I'm pretty much the only reason you're here, because it scares me so much that you'll finally give me the blame I deserve and leave..."
That did it. I snorted.
"Leave? As in, leave you? Are you out of your mind, Brandon?" I glanced down at her and she gave me a look I couldn't read.
"No fricking way. Even if I wanted to, and I don't by the way, I couldn't. I'm stuck with you now, aren't I? You said it yourself. You're the only reason I'm here. You think I don't wonder about what life would be like if I never kissed you, never talked to you? I do. It would be fine. I'd have no problems. Everything would be easier, and I probably wouldn't have to deal with so much pain."
She swallowed and lowered her eyes as I spoke but I gave her a wry grin.
"Fact is, for some batshit insane reason, I don't care. Cause when I sit around and think about what life would be like without you, it sucks. It really does. I don't think you get it, Alice. I love you. There is no life without you. Everything you feel, I'll tell you right now, I feel it, too. Look, I can't lie, you've fucked up a lot. You've pissed me off a lot, and you have made me feel like crap before and yes, you deserve to feel badly for it..."
Her head steadily dipped lower and she began to pull away from me but I rolled my eyes and clung to her, pulling her right back.
"But what you don't deserve to feel badly for is making me feel awesome. You have said some of the sweetest things to me, and you have made me feel like I mean a hot damn to someone. There was nothing before you, either. And if there was ever anything before, it doesn't mean anything now, because you mean everything to me. I love you, you idiot."
She tilted her chin up as I repeated my very first love declaration for her. I smirked slightly, dipping my head to brush my nose against hers. My words sounded harsh, and they needed to be. She needed to know she'd hurt me and that I didn't appreciate it, but she also needed to know that I had forgiven her. I didn't hold anything against her, how could I?
And she also needed to know she wasn't the only one who felt bad for their mistakes.
Trust me, I'd made plenty of them myself. She wasn't the only one to royally screw up.
"Besides, you're not the only one who has made mistakes. I have, too, and you've always forgiven me. I've deliberately provoked your instincts before, and I know I've goofed up way too much with Rosalie. I left you hanging so many times when all you needed was me. You're not the only one who has messed. Up. I promise you. I know everything feels like it's going straight to hell because, well, it pretty much is and the odds are pretty much all against us, but the one thing I never took you for was a big, fat, crybaby. Any time something went wrong, you at least tried to do something about it instead of feeling sorry for yourself, even if everything did ended up not working out."
She frowned here as I grinned.
"Really. Don't look at me like that. At least you tried. After all we've been through, I never thought you'd be one to sit and mope and cry poor me. Everything about you so far has been attractive to me, Alice. Even your jealousy got me going. But that? No, sweetheart. The one thing you never ever did was self pity. Come on, Alice. I know you're above this. You know this doesn't fix anything and if you're waiting for me to feel sorry for you, it's not going to happen. If you're waiting for me to punish you for what you've already punished yourself for, then you can stop now, because that's not going to happen, either. I forgive you, Alice. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. It's not going to change, no matter what you do."
At first, her cheeks had pinkened in shame, but slowly, she began to smile back at me, shaking her head.
Yeah, she knew. She knew acting like this was stupid. It embarrassed her, I know it did.
"So do me a favor and get up and do something about this. Do me a favor and be the badass I knew before. Do me a favor and trust me. I've trusted you, even to this moment. I've forgiven you, you've forgiven me; the only thing left to do is forgive yourself. Otherwise, you're going to stay miserable."
As I finished my...Uh, speech, I guess you could call it, I fell back, taking her with me. She landed with her arms on either side of my head, her hands holding her up. Her tiny frame rested against mine and I smiled softly up at her.
Her ebony eyes searched mine, her expression unreadable. Slowly, she broke out in a grin. Hesitantly, she leaned down and brushed her heart shaped lips across mine.
I meant every word. Maybe I came off like a total uber bitch, but whatever, ya know? I loved her so much and there was no point in beating around the bush this far in our relationship.
Shit, we're vampires. Blunt should be our middle name.
Softly, her lips moved against mine. It was the first time in a long time that we had been able to kiss like that, to be able to kiss at all. It was sweet and gentle as I coaxed her to relax against me, like she used to.
We'd never really had time to just be against each other like this, to just be with each other. We'd had our moments and even if this one wasn't really practical, we took 'em where we could get 'em.
They were too precious to let slip by.
Alice broke the kiss was too soon in my opinion. I'd just begun to purr contentedly when she pulled back, eyes twinkling just like they used to.
The sight of that familiar gleam in her eye made my heart skip a beat and the dragons spread their wings in joy, fluttering happily in my stomach.
"Better?" I mumbled, lazily running my hands up her back, the corners of my lips quirked to match hers.
"Mmhm. Nothing like having your anomaly of a girlfriend kiss everything better," she smirked.
Ah, there's my girl.
"So, what now...?" I tilted my head slightly. She shrugged.
"Well, now I'm pissed."
"What for?"
"Because you called me a crybaby. And that pisses me off. A lot. Mostly because it was true, emphasis on was here. Now, I've got something to prove. I'm going to be better for you, Bella. I'm not a fuck up and I'm most certainly not a crybaby. Or fat, for that matter..." Here, she glared at me playfully. "Was it really necessary to add that particular adjective?"
I blushed a little.
"Ah...I suppose not. You know I don't think you're fat."
Alright, so now I was totally backpedaling.
"Really?" she said, sitting up on my lap and I nodded.
Suddenly I noticed the minxish feel to her smirk.
Yep. Alice was back. I knew that look on her face like the back of my hand.
"Well, why don't you prove it?" she purred, slipping back off of me. She pulled me up with her by the collar of my shirt as my eyes widened.
"W-what? Alice, now? Are you really thinking what I think you're thinking?"
I blushed crimson as her eyebrow arched.
"I'm really thinking what you think I'm thinking. I'm thinking we've only got so much time before we have to head back into the madness. I'm thinking that I love you and that I want to show you how much."
Alice finished her statement by promptly undoing Sulpicia's cloak. It slipped to the ground in a puddle of cloth and the beast inside me growled. The noise came out through my mouth as she smirked, grabbing onto my wrist and tugging gently. My palm came into contact with her womanhood and my eyes rolled back at the feel of her velvet folds, already becoming lubricated. I immediately felt my pheromones release at the feel of hers in the air.
Alice had essentially said to my vampire side, Come and get it, Big Girl.
As easily as I gained control of my human side, I lost it. My instincts came out with a vengeance, crying out for me to claim Alice, and claim her hard.
"Bella...You're not...Vamping out, are you?"
Alice's voice was low and sultry as she spoke into my ear and I growled again, louder.
"You know, you can't be so sweet to a girl and not follow through on it, Bells..."
I wouldn't say I was sweet, per se...
"I know now's not the best time, but it's the only time, isn't it? We don't have long, Bella...Just escape with me...Just for a little while...I love you...Take the time we have and be with just me for once...And then we'll go back and kick some ass and I'll do my damndest to make things right again...You and me, Bells..."
If I had still been human, I'd have melted into her arms, and my knees would have buckled. As it was, that dominant beast inside me returned, rumbling ferociously for some Alice as she kissed me slowly, sensually.
Before I realized what I was doing, I'd wrapped my arm around Alice's waist and she had jumped into me, wrapping her legs around my own waist. Our mouths connected and I wasted no time in plunging my tongue into her wet cavern. I snarled when she thrust her hips forward, forcing my fingers to plunge inside her warmth. She mewled and I nearly had a breakdown at the sound.
I couldn't...Stay steady. She felt so good against my vampire skin. All of my senses went into overdrive as she clung to my shoulders and I began to rapidly pump in and out of her slick muscle, unable to prevent the animalistic noises I was releasing. My fingers curled as her toes curled and she cried out sharply.
Fuck, I couldn't stay standing. I staggered and we slammed into a huge tree trunk. She growled into my mouth and I took it as a challenge. I held her closer, snarling dominantly and she whimpered submissively as I ground her into the rough bark. She was riding my knuckles hard and I groaned in pleasure.
Just touching Alice was amazing. Well, it was always amazing but it felt like all of nerves were on fire at her the touch of her naked skin. Now that I had some support, I began a spastic rhythm as I pulled away from her sweet heart shaped lips and began to kiss her, open mouthed on her sensitive neck.
Turns out, there really is no way to be gentle with vampire sex. Alice didn't seem to want it gentle either. As I slid my tongue up her skin, she keened and then sank her teeth into my shoulder. I yelped and then snarled again, viciously but so deliciously curving my fingers inside her.
It may have been a harder love bite than before, but it was still a love bite as I pushed her harder into the tree, hearing an ominous crack as she whimpered my name and drove me wild.
"Bella," she hissed into my ear before dragging her fangs along its sensitive shell, making me wince and grumble as I desperately tried to bring her to orgasm. I could feel my own sex clenching in sympathy.
Suddenly, without ample warning, the deceivingly strong looking tree broke. We both yelped as it snapped in two and we went stumbling forward with it.
With a shattering crash, it hit the floor, forced back by my vampire strength and I couldn't defy the laws of gravity, much as I tried to.
We didn't even stop. I landed on top of Alice, still pounding her as she cried for me not to stop. How could she even talk? I was out of my mind with want. Her hips surged in my grip as we remained on top of the felled tree, her sensitive back grinding unforgivably against it.
Alice seemed to like the pain, though. She remained pinned beneath my weight, writhing, clawing my back as we saturated the air in our scents and our pheromones, a heady concoction.
"Bella, oh, Bella, f-fuck, yes...I'm so close...Bella, I love you...Ss, so much..."
I felt her insides grip me tighter and whined harshly as my own followed suit.
Ah, hell, man. I'd almost forgotten about the peculiar thing that happened when either one of us climaxed by the other's hand.
"Love...Alice...Mine...Love..."
I couldn't talk. I tried to tell her, I really did. But I couldn't speak, so I just showed her with my actions instead. As she buried her face in my neck, crying out as her peak hit, I followed suit. My face buried into her own neck as we both came hard, her insides overheating around my fingers as my own relentlessly clenched against her thigh, which she had thrust between my legs when we'd fallen. I had gratefully been humping it, and even through my shorts, I could feel her silky skin and it made me so hot, so wet as I finished against her.
We lay in bliss, the weird orgasm thing prolonging it for a good sixty seconds before we fell back to earth together, giddy grins on our faces as we lay together, half assing our attempts to balance on the hard fallen tree trunk.
"So..." I panted into her throat, lapping affectionately at her skin. She let her head fall back to give me more access as we both began to purr. "That...Was vampire sex..."
"Mmhmm..." she murmured lazily, playing with my chocolate locks.
Thoughts?
I could dig it. Most definitely.
"By the way, you never did tell me what that orgasm thing was."
"Oh? That? It's just what happens at your mate's peak. Your mate's pheromones send neurotoxins into your brain and trigger euphoria and your sexual muscles, inducing a powerful climax."
I mm'd in acknowledgement.
That was pretty cool. Still, I felt a pang for Carlisle as I remembered he had been the one to tell Alice what it was. I remembered Esme, too. I knew we'd eventually have to get up and go out to rescue them, to beat Sulpicia, but right then...
I was just too content to be with Alice. I was too relaxed with her and wanted to remain in our bubble of peace for a little longer.
"Do you think that doing this was kind of inappropriate...?" Alice mumbled after a while of recovery and I shrugged.
"No...We obviously needed it...Besides...No one knows, anyway, right?"
Alice didn't respond and I glanced at her face. She squirmed and her cheeks tinted pink.
"Um...Yeah, about that...We actually aren't that far from everyone...They heard everything..." she muttered. "Emmett's going to make a pretty accurate joke about breaking trees when we go back..."
...
Fuck my life.
