It was seeing her in a Speaker's robes that did it.

I had been hiding away in my alchemy, buried in books an ingredients, trying to press the thought out of my mind. Mum, Speaker. I didn't want to think about it, didn't dare to. But I couldn't avoid her for long.

"Dust, cherie? Are you here?"

"Morning, mum." I turned from my work, holding back a shiver at seeing her in those robes. Strange, that they suited her - gave her an air of power, of grace. I turned, biting my lip and continuing to grind harrada for the sake of keeping my hands busy. "Need something?"

"I - I need to tell you something, sweetheart." Her voice was strong, but held a tremor beneath it. "Have a minute?"

"Of course." I forced a smile and faced her. It was truly her beneath those robes, and that only made it more eerie.

"... I've been named Speaker, as you know. And that means I will be in charge of a Sanctuary."

"Yes." I paused, frowning in confusion. "Here?"

"No." She spoke softly, eyes dark. She'd always had beautiful eyes, dark and rich, so different from papa's and my own. "I'll be going to Kvatch. That was the Sanctuary of the previous Speaker, and now will be mine."

"K-Kvatch?" I gripped the pestle, grinding the herbs with far more force then necessary. "We're going to Kvatch, to stay? Maman, I thought we were staying here until I - I could be trusted. I want to go home." I scowled, slamming the mortar on my table. "How long will it be until I can? And what about Toltette? He'll miss you."

A small frown. "I know, Dust. But - with what you know, the Dark Brotherhood..." She sighed, closing her eyes. "We can't let you go. Not yet."

I grimaced, feeling like a venomous teenager arguing over lessons with her again. "You don't trust me."

"As a Speaker, I can't. As a mother..." Mum smiled weakly, touching my cheek. I frowned, but didn't push her away. "I trust you with all my heart. Please, Dusty, try and understand."

I stayed silent at that, pursing my lip. "What about Toltette?"

"He - he knows what I am, now." A sad smile. "He made it clear he doesn't want to see me."

I flinched. "He's leaving you?"

"He didn't say that directly. But I think so, yes."

"That bastard asked the Dark Brotherhood to kill papa and Falrung, and leaves you because you're one of them?" I growled, clenching my fists. "Because you - "

Oh.

You killed papa with your own hands.

I'd known that, knew it painfully well, but having her in front of me and seeing it in her eyes - that was different. Before it had been cold fact, something I'd never seen, long past, but now...

Mum saw it. She cringed, pulling her touch away. "I - I never said I was sorry properly, Dust. For doing that to you." She raised her hand to her chest, over her heart. "You were so young. I was hoping..."

"Hoping I'd forget." I finished coldly, softening at her wince. "I loved him. You know that."

"I loved him too, Dusty."

"But you loved Sithis more," I half-accused, raising a brow. "You chose."

She pursed her lips. "...Yes."

"And - and you'll always choose Sithis."

Her eyes closed again, slowly, but she spoke without hesitation. "Yes."

I turned from her, shoulders hunched. "When are we leaving?"

"Sundas."

Three days. I sighed, pressing my palms into the cold wood of my table. A warm hand gently touched my shoulder. I winced, and footsteps followed, slowly fading.

...Sithis. Over the ones she loves, she'll always choose Sithis. I wanted to know why. Vicente had tolerated my questions so far, but I didn't want to push him. And I didn't want her story, the reasons I already knew - I wanted to know what Sithis was, why it had earned the trust of my mother and all these people.

A lord of the void, of death. I frowned, a bitter taste in my mouth. How could that seduce innocents into becoming murderers?

I knew one man to ask.

Though I'd been told the Sanctuary wasn't his true home - his lair, I thought with a grimace - he came and left from time to time. I was glad enough to see little of him. Arrogant bastard. I moved silently through the hall, emptied of its tenants gone to their beds or to their victims. I crept to the awning of a small, separate room, uncomfortably close to what had become my laboratory and avoided like the plague. That's the Speaker's room, an Orc had told me, steering me away. He isn't here often, but you don't want to be there when he is. He only gets you in there if yer in trouble. And trouble means blood.

I shuddered, and peered through.

A candle flickered strong on a lone desk, the scratch of a quill and sputter of flame the only sounds. I pursed my lips, daring to edge closer. Lucien pored over his work, his hand moving with flourishes as he wrote. He doesn't look like a murderer, now. He looked rather like a scholar I'd known at the University, a man always absorbed in his work, dead to everything but his books. I smiled at the memory.

"Either come in, or leave. Standing there looking pretty does little for my impression of you."

The memory fled. I scowled, stepping inside and watching him as he finished his work. With a flourish he signed what he was writing, folding it crisply before I could read a word and slipping it into a plain envelope, dripping the crimson melted wax from his candle onto it and sealing it with a stamp. I caught a glimpse of the symbol - a hand.

"Why do you work so late?" The question slipped from my lips before I could stop it, innocent and meaningless. I cursed inwardly.

"Because I prefer the night. And because, usually, there are few distractions." He stood, giving me a smirk. "And you, pet? Why are you pestering me in these dark hours?"

"I… have a question." I watched as he moved across the room, sliding the letter into a cupboard.

"Do you." He murmured, not even bothering to meet my gaze. "I await it with bated breath."

I held back a twitch of another scowl, crossing my arms. "Tell me what Sithis is."

He stood silent, back to me, gazing beyond. I took an involuntary step backward as he turned, a small smile on his lips, eyes dark. "Sithis…" He brought his hands together, gloved fingers intertwined. "Shall I tell you what I tell all the wide-eyed murderers I recruit, then?"

I frowned. "Tell me the truth."

A dark laugh. "One and the same, I assure you. I must confess, I was beginning to wonder when you'd ask." He raised a brow, moving closer.

"… Well. I'm asking now." I pursed my lips, crossing my arms over my chest. He strode by me, pacing in thought as I waited for his answer. He paused, turning to me once again, his gaze moving over me.

"Sithis, my dear, is all that existed before, and all that shall remain after. It is the darkness of peaceful slumber, and the terror and chill of the grave. The Lord of our Dark Matron, and our Dread Father."

"That tells me nothing." I narrowed my eyes, disliking how he circled around me. "What I want to know is how - how innocent people can be seduced by it, be tricked into becoming murderers."

"Tricked?" Lucien gave a dark laugh. "Ah, such naivety. I assure you, pet, not one of our Family was 'tricked' into joining us." He approached me again in one quick step. "We all came willingly - no, joyfully into our Dark Matron's arms. We all signed out contract, writ in blood, knowing full well what it meant."

I scowled.

He gave a wide smile. "But you don't want to believe that - because of Abelle."

"What was because of me, Lucien?"

We both jerked into attention as mum entered the room, a brow raised. She narrowed her eyes, looking from Lucien to me. Lucien gave a curt bow, almost mocking. "Nothing of importance, dear Sister. I was merely speaking with Dust about our family."

"I see." She frowned. "I do hate to interrupt, but I need to speak with you alone. You should get some rest, cherie." Mum turned her gaze on me, giving a delicate smile.

"…Fine." I pursed my lips, giving Lucien a final glare. "We'll continue this discussion, I trust?"

Lucien smirked. "It would be my pleasure."

I scoffed, and left without glancing back. I'd done enough eavesdropping, as of late. And exhaustion began to gnaw at me. I dragged a hand down my face, sighing wearily as I crawled into my bed. There's so much I still don't know. Don't understand. And…

And I finally closed my eyes, letting sleep overtake me.