"I am offended that neither group has taken full advantage of my expertise," Ella whined while Fang, Nudge, and I were holed up, hiding from the wrath of Angel.
"Oh, can it," I said. Ella looked a little wounded, but I had no time for sympathy. I was exhausted and had a feeling Angel was to blame for the three of us having bizarre nightmares lately. Nudge's involved getting her head shaved by heard of stuffed hippopotami. Mine centered around Fang running off with Barbie's voluptuous best friend Midge. Fang wouldn't disclose any details of what his dreams were about. He only shuddered and muttered something about Sam and a pack of garden gnomes.
"Well, I'd offer to help you guys prepare for what they're planning, but they won't tell me anything," she continued.
I rolled my eyes as Nudge spoke, "I wonder why."
Fang yawned, sat up straighter, and said, "We can't do anything about it until they attack, so let's stop giving them the satisfaction of seeing us cowering in your room." With that he got up off the bed and left.
I looked to Nudge who shrugged. "He's got a point." I sighed and the girls and I joined the living in the living room. Iggy perked up at the sound of our footsteps. Ella joined him on the couch and gave him a smooch I wish I had missed seeing. Nudge flopped into the recliner next to Angel who smiled sincerely at her. I quietly sat by Fang in front of the couch where Gazzy was perched. We all settled in and focused on the TV where Bones was examining yet another skull.
I didn't catch much of the show because Fang was rubbing circles in that spot between my wings. I admit my mind drifted. Angel cleared her throat and he pulled his hand away, much to my disappointment. I noticed Iggy and Ella looked embarrassed, too.
Soon enough Mom came home and it was time for bed.
The next morning I woke up early and fully rested. No bad dreams whatsoever. I pulled a sweater on over my pajamas and met Mom and the others in the kitchen. I watched Fang walk in uncomfortably. I met his eyes with a question, but he just shook his head.
"Who wants waffles?" Mom asked. She was, of course, referring to the frozen kind you throw into the toaster. Everyone raised their hand except Angel.
She practically shouted, "I can get those for you!" and rushed to the freezer. Mom shrugged and sat back down. Angel opened the door just enough to slide the waffle box out and then slammed it shut again. She quickly busied herself with our beast of a toaster. She looked over at Fang who was now squirming uncomfortably in his seat.
"Why are you scratching your butt, Fang?" she asked in her best (and most fake) innocent voice. Mom turned towards Fang barely disguising her disgust. He mumbled an apology and went silent again.
After we finished our waffles, Mom left for work. I hung back in the kitchen with Fang while everyone else went to get dressed.
"What was that all about?" I demanded.
Fang looked irritated and said, "Itching powder, Max… In my boxers."
I stifled a laugh and said, "Then get a new pair, Fang."
"It's in all of them," he explained gruffly. I couldn't help it, I laughed at him.
"Can't you borrow a pair from Iggy?" I said between fits of laughter.
"No! That specifically breaks the guy code. Thou shall not lend/borrow a pair of underwear to/from another dude. Besides, Iggy wears whitey tighties. I can't go back to them, Max. I just can't!"
I was just about to tease him mercilessly when Nudge entered the kitchen with a slightly peeved look on her face.
"Max," she began, but stopped herself when she realized Fang was there. She got closer and whispered in my ear, "Have you seen any of my bras?"
Fang gave her a weird look and asked, "How do you lose all of your bras?"
We ignored him and went back to our room. "We're not even the same size, Nudge. I didn't take your bras," I said as we walked down the hall. When we got into the room I saw Nudge's top drawer completely empty, its contents on the ground. Ella looked as confused as we were.
Angel smiled smugly and said, "It is a bit chilly in here, isn't it?"
It hit me then. I ran back to the kitchen, pulling Nudge behind me. I swung open the freezer door and sure enough, there sat every bra Nudge and I owned. I was still frozen (pardon the pun) with shock, but Nudge pulled one out.
"Stiff as a board," she declared as she tried to bend it. By then I'd snapped out of it.
Fang came up behind us and died laughing when he realized our predicament. I gave him a sobering look and he stopped at once.
"Can't you borrow from Ella?" he asked snidely. "Or does that break the girl code?"
"Good idea, Fang!" Nudge exclaimed and left to find Ella.
"That would only work if we wore the same size, Fang," I explained. "I'm going to need an oversized hoody from you." He left and Angel entered.
"You're evil," was all I said. She continued to smile smugly and stroked Celeste on top of her sharpied head.
"You shouldn't have brought Celeste into it. She was defenseless," Angel said, stopping with the creepy petting and raising her voice.
Fang returned with the hoody and addressed Angel, "Well played." She nodded curtly and left.
"This used to be my favorite one back when it was black," he said sadly as he handed the sweatshirt over. I quickly put it on then gave him a quick peck on the lips.
There the genderless chapter be. I should warn you guys, this story is nearing its end. Any who, hope you all got fat off of your Easter hams. Yes, I'm a bitter vegetarian. You should hear me on Thanksgiving. Review, review, review!
