Chapter twenty eight- the deep roads

So, we're nearly at the end of act one!

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Hawke stood at the entrance of the tunnel, her eyes staring into nothingness as she readied herself to enter the darkness.

Hawke had made friends with the darkness all those years ago; it no longer scared her in the way it had. But this, this was all a whole new kind of darkness. She had been subjected to every degree of darkness she ever thought possible, she revelled in it now for it if it weren't for the darkness then she would have nowhere to hide.

But the darkness that now confronted her now was unknown; it was constricted and narrow and would not allow her to run away, there would be no dawn to chase away the dark and its demons and for a moment Hawke admitted to herself that she was truly scared.

Not for herself, no Hawke was not scared to die, but for her brother. He had not been maimed by the dark and the unknown before not even when Bethany died.

The ogre's hand picked her up and held her in the sun's rays; it snarled and tossed her like she was nothing but a rag doll.

She winced at the memory, but even in watching their sister die, Carver had been bathed in sunlight, he had been blessed with never knowing the dark, not being touched by its vile taint.

She could hear the camp from a distance, the slight buzz of voices and the odd log of firewood being thrown into a dying pit, but it seemed far away from where she was now, like it was in another world.

She heard a footstep creak behind her and in her panic she flipped out her dagger and turned, ready to face whatever had decided to sneak up on her.

"As always, Hawke, your manners are to be revelled in," Fenris drawled, looking up at the dagger and her face nonchalantly, as if it were nothing but a piece of cutlery she was brandishing so close to him.

"I permit you to revel, but I do not permit people that try to make me jump when I'm thinking," she replied, glaring at him for a moment before withdrawing her blade.

"Save that paranoia for what we face, it may save us," Fenris said, looking at her in a stoic manner as always.

"Right-o then, any other useful tips on how I should mental insecurities in the face of darkness?" she asked.

"Maybe some sleep? Perhaps a little food? You have done little since we started this expedition," he said, a sharp edge on his voice that Hawke could only fathom as scolding.

"Oh father, you do worry too much!" she said, parrying his every reply.

"I thought I was your brother?" he asked, his lips turned up in a miniscule wicked grin.

She wrinkled her nose at his words of last night, and with a snort she charged towards camp without even turning around or acknowledging Fenris.

She did however take his advice, and ate some food and even laid down on her bed mat in an attempt to sleep. Sleep did not come however and she found herself staring at the stars, wishing they could tell her answers to the questions she asked herself constantly.

What would become of her? For almost eight years now she had lived this life, a life full of fake smiles and pretence and hiding behind her brother's love as if it were her only shield. And yet she hid things from him, her deepest secrets would be her undoing. The changes that were coming were inevitable, her and her brother would no longer be as one. Another mage had his sole intention now; she could see it in his face. And in a way that was good, change was sometimes good, but without Carver as her shield she feared that the hatred would burn her inside out.

'Twas not only that, but no matter how hard she tried something had changed, shifted in her emotions. Hard as she tried, Fenris seemed to pull at her like he was some sort of strange beacon in her life of darkness. She was not yet willing to stand in its light, she was not yet willing to let go. So she would resist, resist whatever she desired with Fenris, until the part of her that just wanted another shield to hide behind disappeared and she could walk into the sun.

People said she was overly independent, but they were truly wrong. For if it was not for her brother there to remind her of who she was, she truly would be an animal.

She wondered if Fenris felt the same way, if he felt this irrational pull in his abdomen when they argued or even spoke sometimes. She cursed herself under her breath, but secretly she enjoyed the fact that even after all these years she was only human.

She smiled at the stars as she closed her eyes, readying herself for the rewards that were yet to come.