A/N Another chapter...I'm on a roll guys. Let me know what you think :)
Feeling the warm rays of the morning light brush against my skin from through the bedroom window, my eyes fluttered open. Shifting with a slight groan at the light ache centred at the base of my spine, I rolled over and was immediately startled – Dita was still asleep beside me, her hands under head and her face relaxed. It's been a few days, but I haven't gotten used to her presence quite yet. Laying on my side, I couldn't help but notice how much 'younger' she looked when asleep.
Gently getting up from the bed, I didn't want to disturb her sleep. Shifting around the room, I walked out into the hallway and into the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I turned the tap and splashed some water over my face and around my neck. Sighing from the refreshing feeling, I looked into the crack mirror in front of me; my reflection distorted.
After drying my face, I headed out into the living room. Sitting down at the small kitchen table, the soldier came from the kitchen to hand me my packaged breakfast "Thank you" I said as I teared the edge off and took out a strip of jerky. Eating the chewy and dried meat, I leant back with a wince – my body is killing me today. I feel like someone tossed me about all night long.
"You don't look well. What's wrong?" asked the soldier as he stood back in the kitchen.
Shaking my head, I rubbed the back of my taut neck "I'm just sore today…I think I slept funny last night" I replied "I'll be fine" biting off another piece of the jerky, I saw him shift in my peripheral. Looking up, he made his way toward me "what are you doing?"
Freezing as he now stood behind me, I swallowed dryly when I felt his large calloused hands on my shoulders. They felt strong but gentle, his finger beginning to massage the tender spots up the back of my neck and along my shoulders. Feeling myself slowly begin to relax, it seemed strange when I thought about what he was doing – but it felt incredibly good, and my muscles were become loose; the ache starting to dissipate.
Feeling my eyes being to flicker as I suddenly became slightly drowsy, I was just about to close my eyes when he stopped "Feel better?" he asked from behind me.
Nodding my head "Yes, thank you" I watched him take a seat on the opposite of the kitchen table. Lowering my gaze, a silence had settled as I continued to eat the rest of my meal. Finishing faster than usual, I soon got up to take my rubbish to the plastic bag hanging up in the empty pantry. Grabbing the familiar jug, I filled it up with some water before making my way into the second bedroom.
Kneeling down on the wooden floor, I dribbled some water over the leaves and into the soil of some of the flowers. Humming to myself, I wasn't aware of the presence behind me until she spoke "You saved them" said Dita as I gasped while turning my head. When did she wake up? Walking over to the flowers, her eyes were bright as she smiled at the flowers pots sitting on the floor in front of me.
Kneeling down beside me, her thin fingers reached out to touch the petals of the purple flower to my right "Yes. I found them outside near the porch and I managed to save a few. I've been looking after them ever since…I think there beautiful" I said as I leant back on my knees to look at the flowers.
"Indeed they are…it's nice to finally see colour after looking at nothing but brown mud" said Dita as she focused her sites on the flowers "my son, he bought them for me, before everything happened" she muttered before turning to me. She smiled "…thank you"
"Your welcome" handing the jug to Dita I thought she might like to have a turn. Taking the jug, I watched as she watered the other plants with a certain kind of gentleness and care. Staring up through the bedroom window, I noticed that the sky was starting to turn dark and the clouds grey. I think it's going to rain tonight.
Brought out of my thoughts, Dita had spoken up "The…soldier. He seems like the type of person that always has a plan – he knows what he's doing…but have you decided what you want to do, when you have the baby?" she asked. Looking over, I was caught off guard by her question – it was rather out of blue "I only ask out of concern…I know you think your safe here now, but this isn't a place to raise a child"
"…I know" I said with a slight sigh "…we haven't talked about what will happen afterwards. I just – take each day as it comes. I haven't given much thought to the future, even though I know I should"
"You've been kind to me" started Dita as she placed the jug on the floor to take my hands in hers "you've given me a place to sleep, food in my belly, which is more than I've ever been given in a very long time…I want you to know that I'll always help you, if you're ever in need"
Feeling a pang in my heart, I was touched by her words "Thank you Dita…very much"
The morning and afternoon had soon ticked by, and the rain I had predicted came with a wailing force. Closing the last window in the house, I could hear the howling wind outside as scraps of debris whipped past the lawn. Watching a bright light flash upon the night sky, heavy drops of rain rattled against the windows and the house as a boom echoed from the sky.
Heading into the living room, I clutched my still aching back as I walked. Sitting down on the couch, Dita had gone to bed half an hour ago and I was surprised she was able to sleep through something as vigorous and loud as tonight's storm. I on the other hand couldn't – even as a small child I had trouble sleeping through times like these.
Watching the flickering light of the candle beside me, the soldier sat at the kitchen table completely unfazed. Cleaning the several guns lain out on the table, his eyes were concentrated on the task at hand. Laying down on the couch, I stared up at the dimly lit roof. Trying to close my eyes and fall asleep, I had no luck as the ache that started at the bottom of my spine now began to spread further up. It was more annoying than it was painful – the sensation similar to that of growing pains.
Giving up, I got up from the couch with a huff. Tying my long hair up and away from my neck, I had a hand above my hip for support as I began to pace up and down the living room. Closing my eyes, I tried to think of something – anything that would get my mind off of the uncomfortable feeling. It's going to drive me mad.
"Is there a reason you're pacing up and down?" asked the soldier as I opened my eyes.
Not stopping my walking, I replied "I'm trying to get my mind off of it…it hurts and no matter what I do, it won't stop"
Still sitting at the table with his legs slightly spread in a manly manner, he continued to clean the gun in his hand "Doing that won't help. You should just sit down and wait for it to go away"
"I've already tried staying still, and it doesn't do anything" I said "at least this is working"
"For now…" he said "as soon as you stop it'll hurt more. You're putting too much pressure on your hips and spine" listening to what he was saying, it made sense but I didn't want to stop. I'd rather keep walking and relieve the pain for now, than sit and wait for sleep to take me. It's not going to happen.
Continuing my pacing, I needed something to say. A conversation to busy my mind "Do you know what's going to happen…when it's time?" I asked, looking at the soldier every now and then when I was facing the right way "we haven't talked about it..."
"What's there to talk about?" he replied, glancing up at me.
Shrugging, I wasn't quite sure "What will it be like, giving birth? My mother said it's painful, and dangerous. Is it?"
"Yes to both…but you'll be fine. Thousands of woman give birth every day" he justified "it's natural. Besides, you have everything you need. All you have to do is listen to what I tell you and everything will go according to plan" pulling the chamber on the gun, it clicked before he placed it back down onto the table.
"And…when it's all over" I questioned hesitantly "what then? Will you stay with me like you said?"
Pausing, the soldier didn't answer right away. He was thinking "When it's all over…we'll figure it out. But until then you'll just have to wait, which in your case, won't be for too long" placing a hand on my stomach as my brows furrowed, that was another thing I hadn't given much thought about – how much time I had left.
At the end of the living room, I had stopped dead in my tracks as I faced away from the soldier. And it wasn't because the ache in my body had gone, but it was because everything had hit me all at once. The realisation of reality. Feeling my body start to shake as butterflies entered my stomach, a slight sheen of cold sweat covered my forehead from my nerves.
Staring at the wall in front of me, I glanced down the hallway to the main bedroom before taking a deep breath and turning around. The soldier wasn't paying attention to me, instead he had picked up another gun to clean. Slowly walking over, he must have seen me in his peripheral because he turned to look at me as I now stood right in front of him "What are you doing?" he asked.
Not answering, I reached out with my hands. But just as I was about to place them on the side of his face, he had grabbed a hold of my wrist quicker than I could see. Not running away frightened, I stood still and firm "Please…let me see" my voice just above a whisper. If not now then never I thought.
"How many times do I have to say no?" he questioned, his eyes slightly squinting at my relentless effort in trying to reveal his identity.
Pushing my hands forward again to reach for the edge of the black mask that covered half of his face, the soldiers grip on my wrists had slightly tightened "You won't tell me anything. Not your name, or where you came from. Why?" I asked "what are you really hiding?"
"You don't understand…"
"Then help me..." I replied before sighing "you've always been there for me. How come I can't do the same? Why won't you just let me in?"
I wasn't prepared for him to tug me forward by my wrist. Gasping, I was now standing just in between his legs; my stomach being the only barrier between us. Squeezing my wrist a fraction tighter, he then loosened his hold and slowly guided my hands up to rest on the sides of his mask.
It felt cold and the material was rough under my fingertips. Letting go of me, I held my hands in place as he looked up at me. Was he really letting me do this? Am I finally, after months, allowed to see what he looks like underneath? Or is this all a joke?
Hesitant as I stood still, I was unprepared for this to happen. My goal from the start was to uncover the truth, but mind had had always told me that it would have never of worked. That it was pointless to keep trying – but I was wrong.
Tightening my grip on the mask, I slowly pulled it away and watched as it began to lift from his face. And for some reason or another, I had kept my gaze on his eyes the entire time instead of focusing on the task at hand. But as soon as the metal barrier had slipped completely off and I could finally see the entirety of his face – I realised that he was far from what I had expected.
Sitting before me wasn't the man I had imagined. He wasn't old with frown lines and wrinkles. He wasn't cruelly disfigured or in any way grotesque to look at – he was in fact young and, in a way, handsome.
Since the day I had met the soldier, I never imagine this to be what lies behind. It just didn't fit for the person I knew – a soldier as deadly and efficient as him. Placing the mask onto the table beside us, I reached up with my hand; my fingers running along the slight stubble around his jaw. It suited him "Human after all" he muttered.
Freezing, I looked at him with a frown "I never thought you weren't…" giving me a look, the soldier grabbed my hand and placed it back at my side. I knew what he was trying to say, when we first met, but times have changed since then "…I didn't know who you were"
"And now you do…" he replied.
"Why do you sound upset? Angry?" I asked with a confused face"…you didn't have to"
"A lapse of weakness" he said while reaching for the mask on the table. Grabbing his hand in an instant, I looked at him. How could he say that? What he did was not at all a 'lapse of weakness', it was far from it "I showed you what you wanted to see. I never said I was going to stay this way"
"I'm asking you not to…" I said while keeping a hold on his hand, even though I knew if he really wanted it, he would put it back on.
"Why?" he asked in an almost snappy manner "why does it matter to you? Because you want to get to know me?" he said with an almost scoff.
"I already do-"
"You don't know anything. You hear what I want you to hear, and you see what I want you to see – nothing more" scoffing, now I'm the one starting to get angry. Just when I think I slipped through, there he is, pushing me away again for some unknown reason.
"Fine…" letting go of his wrist, I grabbed the sides of his face, leant in and kissed him. Feeling the soldier seize up, he didn't move but he didn't push me away either. Eventually pulling away, I looked into his deep blue eyes before taking a step back "you want to put the mask on and continue to hide, then do it…but I see you, for who you really are" and it's not who he thinks.
