Chapter 27 - If Not Love
Atsushi and Himuro yawned together.
"Muro-chin, lets go eat cake."
It was 5 in the morning when Atsushi had knocked on his door saying Yukio had asked to meet the two before he left. He cursed everyone for ruining his sleep and questioned why there wasn't a rule that banned people from disrupting sleep on the birthday boy.
Yukio showed up on cue dressed in a jacket and a pair of jeans. Himuro could see he was ready to leave and wondered what he had to say.
"Happy birthday bro. I'm really sorry I had to wake you both up but I couldn't get a chance to speak to the two of you alone."
This made him even more suspicious as he thanked him for the wish.
"Alright. Here's the thing. I'm well aware that my love-bug is an awesome friend and cool to hang out with. I have been blessed with her growing into a strong girl with the ability to take guys down using her smart mouth or strong muscles. I am also grateful for her absolute repulsion to anything even remotely romantic or cheesy but in the end, my sugar-bear is a sexy, beautiful girl who any guy could kill to have. I trust the two of you and I know you're just good friends but in the end you're both boys. Now I'm a guy who's funny and carefree but again, in the end- I'm her brother. So.. If any of you goes near kiddo with evil intentions, I don't give a fuck about my American upbringing when it comes to her. Keep your paws to yourself and we'll all get along just fine."
"Yuu-chin, I have a girlfriend."
"Huh? Oh.. That's great bro! Well then I'm talking to you."
Atsushi disappeared into the house to look for cake and Himuro was left alone with the boy. He was too frozen to really answer. On top of everything, he had to deal with a threat too?
"Um... Yuri and I are friends."
Yukio's expression changed drastically as he put his hand on his shoulder before speaking.
"A guy and a girl can be friends but they will fall in love at some point. It can be temporary or at the wrong time.. It may be too late or maybe forever. I don't know which one is yours but I don't doubt the feelings you're harbouring for her right now. It's not going to be easy, just remember that she's going to hurt too. She's going to suffer too. Yuri isn't an open book- she's anything but that. Just... Don't hurt her too much in the process."
Himuro was confused at what he was saying. His mind was already on an overdrive as he realized the boy had found out about his feelings.
"Hurt her?"
Yukio smiled sadly now that caused Himuro to worry.
"She's probably the only girl who's going to suffer in this process. But what can I say? You seem worth the hurt and I know its for the better. Take care bro."
He turned to leave and there wasn't anything Himuro could come up with.
...
Yuri reached Himuro's house and turned the doorknob to find it locked.
"Tch. That insecure bastard."
She turned to the window and opened it to jump right in. She didn't wait to look around and made her way upstairs with a determined look on her face.
"Tatsuya...!
She pushed his door open and blinked a few times. Himuro pulled the shirt he was trying to wear off his face and gaped too.
"Get the... Get the fuck out!"
She was already out before he had a chance to complete the sentence. She gulped her heart back in and turned to run and never ever come back but she collided into something. She regained her balance and found a woman- a beautiful woman stare at her.
She had black eyes and short black hair. Not very tall but very fit for an older woman, Yuri recognized who she was immediately.
"You're... You're that writer!"
The woman smiled as Yuri recognized her with ease. She knew all about her travelogues about places all around the world.
"And you must be Tatsuya's friend?"
She blushed immediately as she realized who she really was- Himuro's mother.
"Yes. I'm Sayuri Daiki and I go to Yosen too."
Yuri felt relieved to see the woman smile warmly at her instead of giving a cold glare.
"Oh, Tatsuya doesn't really introduce his friends to us. He doesn't even let us give him a party so even that opportunity is lost. My, don't you have beautiful eyes- you should have been named Hitomi."
"You think my eyes are beautiful? Tatsu calls them weird!"
"Well, boys are boys and what do they know?"
Yuri froze as the woman came forward and held her hand. She was absolutely in love with this woman with her kind eyes and generous smile. She possessed an aura that made Yuri edge closer.
"Well, mother. I think you should know that I never called them weird."
Yuri turned to his voice.
"Are you calling me a liar?!"
"I'm saying you're mistaken. I never said your eyes were weird."
Yuri wanted to punch his head and tell him she knew it because it was written all over his face but she sensed the woman next to her and calmed down.
"Did you break in again?"
"You had the door locked again and I couldn't wait."
His mother almost vanished out of sight to let the two talk and Himuro took advantage to drag her by the arm. He had a furious expression on his face as he pushed the door shut.
"Do you have any idea about personal space?! My parents are home! Now I'm gonnna have to explain to them why I have a girl come in through the window and walk into my room!"
She didn't seem bothered at all.
"Your mom is so cool, she'll understand."
He reached to hold her by the elbows and shook her against the wall she was leaning to try knocking some seriousness into her.
"Will you stop being so cool about this? They're my parents and you came into my room while I was changing. If it isn't them, there's also how I feel about having someone walk in on me while I'm changing!"
She pushed him to turn around and he was the one who ended up against the wall now. She laid her elbow on his shoulder and her other hand on his chest. He was conscious of the closeness but did nothing about it.
"Oi Tatsu. I'm sorry I walked in on you but you shouldn't freak out so much. Makes you seem all the more insecure."
Himuro was about to ask her to elaborate but he heard his mother's voice call for the two of them and he immediately went for the door.
Watching Yuri communicate with his mom as she told her literally everything turned out to be one of the most stressful times for Himuro. His father had flown in along with his mother but had to go out. Yuri spoke about every little thing and Himuro would brace himself for her disapproval or look of disdain but it never came. Yuri managed to speak openly about things and yet maintained an air of politeness. He saw her look at his mother as if she were something of a goddess. She was drawn to her and Himuro found it very odd but realizing that she must have had little experience with grown women, he let it go.
His mother was pleased that the girl helped him with his game and he in turn cooked for her most of the times. She questioned Yuri about various things and unlike other times where she gave vague answers, she actually answered all of them.
His mother invited her to join them to have dinner at the restaurant they would be going to but Yuri politely declined and said she should get going. Himuro followed her to walk her out.
"Will you be eating at the diner?"
"Maybe. I've missed that place with you cooking for me."
"Okay. Make sure you get home not too late. And lock the door."
She twitched in irritation at his words.
"I know how to take care of myself!"
"I know that but I'm just trying to make sure you don't kill someone for forgetting to give you extra sauce or napkins."
She flamed up instantly and began to scream by pointing her finger at him.
"That was one time! And I never fight for napkins!"
"Okay, okay. Just call me before you go to sleep."
She huffed in acknowledgement and walked outside. Mayumi Himuro wasn't an eavesdropper but it couldn't be helped as the two didn't speak in low voices or go out. As she saw her son come in, he looked at her enquiringly, as if waiting for her verdict.
"She's something, isn't she?"
He nodded and she noticed the blank expression cover her son's face. His face always remained that way but not much around the girl he had just sent off. His face always gave something away in her presence if one cared to look closely and Mayumi was definitely one of them.
"Its unfortunate that she has to live alone.. I don't see why she didn't choose to finish high school in America."
"Yuri grew up here and her brother's in college - she can't intrude like that. And besides, she isn't all that alone here."
Mayumi smiled and gave him the expression a mother gives when she knows the one thing her son doesn't want her to know as he fears she wouldn't understand.
"I know. She has you."
A thoughtful expression covered his face before answering.
"Yes. Me and Atsushi."
"I see you haven't told her."
He looked caught in the act as his mother hit the nail right on the head.
"Told her what?! Mom, Yuri and I are just friends."
"Look at you, denying it before I even actually say it."
"Mom. She's crazy, weird and very, very impulsive. I wouldn't pick her even if she were the last-"
"Pickle? Who are you trying to lie to? In your little denial speech, not once did you call her pitiable which is what most would go for. You didn't say she needs the care and yet you give it to her. And also, about the pickle- they're your favourite food so if she was first, last or just another pickle - you wouldn't reject it."
He groaned as he realized even his mother had seen it. He wondered if it was that obvious then how it was that Yuri never knew anything.
"I don't want to talk about this mother. Why don't you tell me about your upcoming trip?"
"My trip, is the same boring stuff to you as it was from when you first began to understand words. But you holding back on a confession isn't."
"I don't know how she feels or if she's ready."
She smiled as he finally spoke the truth and went to brush his hair, knowing it would relax him.
"All your life, everything you do- you seek certainty. You don't try out for things if your win isn't certain or play in a match if you're not sure. Those may be smart choices and it may give you the sense of security but this isn't one of those things. You'll never know unless you try."
He relaxed under her hands and then put his head on the table.
"Its exhausting."
"It should be. You have to learn to embrace a little bit of uncertainty as well Tatsuya. Because if you don't, you won't be able to love. It isn't just her, I'm talking about everything else as well. You say its exhausting but do you really want it to be anything different?"
He looked into his mother's black eyes and the soft expression she always held while talking to him and understood what she was saying.
Being with Yuri wasn't exhausting, it was all-consuming.
When does it become love?
When you give it everything you have and can but it still feels like its nothing.
And if love doesn't take everything from you, where else will you give it to?
