Authors Note: Not quite two days, but pretty close. This one's kinda sad and angsty, sorry. If you guys have any requests or anything you want to see, please let me know! I can either try to work it into this fic or I might do another one thats just a collection of one shots from this universe. Thanks for liking this story so much!
Upon returning to the coven, Elliott had decided that the best way to avoid hurting someone with her nightmares was to not sleep, which was considerably difficult considering Cordelia was watching her like a hawk. While the idea of just not sleeping seemed bad even in theory, in real life it was much, much worse. The first and even second day where relatively easy, Elliott didn't really take into consideration just how tired her concussion would make her. In the beginning she was able to use it to her advantage by saying she was going to bed early, that way she could slip into her own room while Cordelia was busy and she wouldn't be forced to stay with the supreme. But as the days dragged on the harder it got for Elliott to even function, and suddenly she went from spending time with Mallory in the greenhouse to sitting in the library all day, trying desperately to keep herself awake.
By the time day three rolled around Elliott was basically a zombie, something everyone took notice of. The girl tried to counteract the sleepiness by drinking obscene amounts of coffee and napping in hour long increments throughout the day, but she soon got rid of the naps after she overslept during one of them, waking up in a cold sweat with a scream ghosting on her lips.
By day four Cordelia had called Elliott's therapist for an emergency session, she knew something was up. She had tried to chalk Elliott's distance from the girls and tired expression up to the concussion, but Elliott had also stopped eating completely, saying her stomach was upset. That day alone she had caught Elliott falling asleep twice, once when she went to check on her in the library and another when she forced the girl to go out in the greenhouse for a lesson, where Elliott had practically fallen asleep standing up. Cordelia had told the girl to go lay down in her room and take a nap, but Elliott refused, instead just grabbing another cup of coffee, which was the only thing she would drink these days.
"So how have you been doing?" The therapist asked, noting Elliott's disheveled and empty appearance.
"I'm fine." Elliott responded sleepily, not making eye contact with the woman. The therapist noted how frantic the girl looked, her eyes darting around the room rapidly, like if she stopped moving them they would close.
"Have you been having anymore nightmares?" The therapist asked quietly, knowing about the one in the hospital.
"Just one, otherwise I've been fine." Elliott said rapidly, shifting from sitting back on the couch to perching on the edge of it, not wanting her back to rest against the seat.
"Do you remember anything that happened in that house? I know when it first happened you couldn't remember much." The therapist tried again, trying to get Elliott to start a conversation.
"Yea, I remember now. It's fine, not any worse than what's happened before." Elliott said dismissively. It was obvious she was opposed to this session, which was a telltale sign that she actually needed it.
"Well it might not be any worse but that doesn't mean this didn't affect you worse than the other places, especially considering you went from a stable, good home to a nightmare." The therapist offered, peaking Elliott's curiosity.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"Well, pain and trauma is relative. When you are in a string of bad homes, you're used to the bad so it doesn't affect you as much. But when you go from a good home to a bad home, it's a bigger change so you feel it more. Just because it wasn't your worst home doesn't mean it's not your worst trauma." The therapist explained.
"Oh, I'm fine, really. I'm handling it." Elliott said, trying to dismiss the woman.
"Cordelia says you haven't been eating." The therapist retorted.
"My stomach's been upset; it's not like I've been doing it on purpose." Elliott said, slightly offended.
"Well, how much did you sleep last night?" The therapist asked, knowing this session was just heading for a disaster.
"I usually sleep like four to six hours, depending on the night." Elliott said, looking out the window behind the woman.
"That's not what I asked." The therapist said, watching Elliott's body language close off.
"Well that's what I said." Elliott said shortly.
"Elliott, I want you to give me permission to talk with Cordelia about what's going on with you. I won't tell her specifics or anything you don't want her to know, but I do think she needs to be aware of some things so she can help you." The therapist said, hoping the girl would agree.
Elliott shook her head violently, "No, don't bother her. I'm fine."
"No, you aren't, and she knows it. You really think keeping her out of the loop isn't going to make her worry more?" The therapist asked, trying to make Elliott think rationally.
"It won't because there is nothing to worry about." Elliott answered, still being stubborn.
"Ok, let's talk about your nightmare then, Cordelia said it was a pretty rough one." The therapist said, changing the subject. She knew Elliott threw Cordelia across the room, and she also knew if Elliott really was fine then she wouldn't have an issue talking about it.
"I don't want to talk about it." Elliott said firmly.
"Why not?" The therapist asked.
"Because it doesn't matter, I'm dealing with it, it won't happen again." Elliott responded, the edge evident in her voice.
"Elliott, I can't help you if you won't talk to me." The therapist said softly, trying her best to get the girl to trust her and open up.
"I don't need help." Elliott said, "Can we be done now?"
The therapist didn't say anything, just nodded. There was no use keeping Elliott for the full session if she was going to be like this, and the more the therapist pushed the more closed off the girl became, which was detrimental considering the girl was supposed to trust her. Elliott stood and walked out of the room, passing Cordelia as she went. "You done already?" She asked, but Elliott didn't respond, just walked down the stairs and sat on the couch. Cordelia was confused and a little concerned, so she walked over to the library and looked at the therapist. "Everything ok?"
The therapist looked up at Cordelia and she knew everything was in fact not ok, so she stepped into the room and shut the door behind her. "You know I can't tell you anything, not until Elliott agrees."
"And she wouldn't agree?" Cordelia asked, trying to get some idea of what was going on.
The therapist shook her head, "It's not like I would have much to tell you anyways, she wouldn't talk about it, which doesn't surprise me."
"So what do I do?" Cordelia asked, the therapist shaking her head, afraid of possibly saying too much. "Do I have a reason to be concerned? Should I be concerned?"
"Yes." The therapist said, making eye contact with the woman.
"So what should I do? Should I get her more therapy?" Cordelia asked before her voice got quiet. "Should I put her in inpatient?" The therapist looked at her strangely, so she explained, "One of Elliott's doctors used to work in children's psych, he suggested it, saying Elliott was going to crack. I was against it at first, but if it's going to help her then I don't know."
"With a normal kid I would say yes, but Elliott doesn't function like a normal kid, or even a normal adult. While it might help her deal with this particular issue, she won't take it well, and it will probably do more harm to her relationships than good." The therapist said, pausing for a moment and debating on whether or not she could say what she wanted to. "A lot of times, with kids who have been where Elliott is, they don't see what they are doing as abnormal. She might have to have a breakdown to understand what's going on, which will be hard for you. All you can do is watch her, make sure she's eating, and actually sleeping. She'll probably be mad at you for it, but right now it's in her best interest."
Cordelia nodded, then talked with the therapist for a few more moments before she finally let her go. The two decided Elliott wouldn't be forced into therapy every day like they had originally planned, but instead the therapist would be on call in case something happened and the girl suddenly decided she wanted to talk, or in case of a total meltdown.
Meanwhile, Elliott was downstairs fuming. She knew her therapy session would just cause more trouble, there was no way the therapist wasn't going to tell Cordelia that something was definitely wrong, but in the moment she was too exhausted to bother to put on a good show. If Cordelia hadn't been up her ass enough before, she certainly was going to be now. At least now she wouldn't have to worry about trying to seem ok, but to be honest she wasn't doing a great job of that even before. She probably would be handling it better if everyone would just leave her alone, but even David had been bugging her constantly and it was starting to wear her down, and piss her off. She was fine, she was handling it the same way she did every other bad house, but this time she was under a microscope and that drove her insane. She didn't want to talk about it, she just wanted to deal with it. Right then her only concern was her nightmares, and she was dealing with those just fine, she could handle being a little tired if it meant she wasn't hurting anyone.
She heard Cordelia walk down the stairs and quickly tried to look busy on her phone, scrolling through the first social media app she could find as the woman came to sit next to her. "What?" She asked as Cordelia sat down, not looking up from her phone.
"How was therapy?" Cordelia asked, already knowing the answer.
"Fine." Elliott responded.
"Really?" Cordelia said, making it clear she knew what went on.
"Yea, it was fine." Elliott said, clearly irritated as she looked up from her phone and threw Cordelia a slight glare.
"Then why did you tell the therapist she couldn't talk to me?" Cordelia asked, curious as to the girls reasoning. She knew Elliott wanted to keep as much about that part of her life from Cordelia as possible, but if she really was doing ok then one would think she would be ok with Cordelia knowing that.
"Because there was nothing to talk about." Elliott responded, the edge still clear in her voice.
"I mean you're right, especially considering you cut your session short and wouldn't say anything." Cordelia pressed.
"Because I don't need to talk about it, it's over with and I'm fine." Elliott said, obviously over the conversation.
"If you were fine you wouldn't have an issue talking about it." Cordelia said.
"No, I am fine, but YOU think I shouldn't be. The only issue here is you. Now, was there a point to this conversation or did you just come down here to interrogate me with questions you already knew the answer to?" Elliott asked, making Cordelia's eyes go wide. Sure, Elliott was naturally sassy, but normally it was in a funny way, not like this.
"Hey, watch it. I'm just worried about you." Cordelia said sternly, which normally would make Elliott check herself and calm down, but not today.
"Yea I know, but you're walking around here treating me like I'm crazy when I'm not. The only person making me crazy is you." Elliott responded, looking back at her phone with a sigh.
"Fine, then let's eat lunch." Cordelia said pointedly, getting a glare from Elliott.
"I'm not hungry." Elliott responded.
"Elle, you've been saying that for days and you've barely eaten anything. You're eating, end of discussion." Cordelia said, standing and waiting for the girl to join her, but she sat there.
"I'll eat when I'm ready." Elliott spit.
"No, you'll do it now. You can pick what you want to eat, but you are eating. Let's go." Cordelia said firmly.
"Will you ever just leave me alone?" Elliott sneered.
"No Elle, I won't. Now come on, we'll have lunch with Misty." Cordelia said, hoping the idea of not having to deal with Cordelia alone would entice the girl, but it didn't.
"No." Elliott said, obviously getting worked up. "And you can't make me."
"Like hell I can't." Cordelia said, getting worked up herself, not realizing that both Misty and David had wandered into the room to see what was going on.
"No, you can't." Elliott said, standing up. "You don't like it? Send me back, I don't care."
"Elle…" Misty and David said together as Elliott walked out of the room and up to her bedroom, slamming the door. Both of them were shocked, as was Cordelia, Elliott didn't act like this, ever.
Meanwhile, Elliott was already beating herself up for actions. It was like someone else had completely taken over her body, her words flying out of her mouth with no control. Who was that? No way would Elliott ever talk to Cordelia that way, or say the things she did, it had to be someone else, but it wasn't, it was her. The image of Cordelia's hurt face when Elliott told her to send her back was burned into her mind. Why was she completely sabotaging her life here? She had wanted it more than anything, she was completely destroyed when they took her away, and now she was ASKING to go back? Had she lost her mind? The whole reason any of this was happening was because she was trying to PROTECT Cordelia, and here she was talking to her like she didn't matter?
"Has she ever acted like this before?" Cordelia asked David downstairs, trying desperately to make any sense of what was happening.
David shook his head, "No, never. This isn't her at all, she would never say that."
"Maybe it's the concussion? They said it could change her personality? Maybe she's just not thinkin straight?" Misty offered, although no one really believed it was the concussion.
"I should go talk to her." David said quietly, shaking his head.
"Do ya think she'll actually talk ta ya?" Misty asked.
"I hope so, probably not though. Did the therapist say something?" David asked, turning to Cordelia.
"I wouldn't know even if she did. Elliott won't let her talk to me. Maybe she's just mad at me?" Cordelia offered.
"Dee, no. That girl looks like day old dishwater, somethin's up. Maybe she's sick?" Misty said, looking over at David as he shook his head.
"No, Elle gets panicky when she's sick, not angry, and she certainly wouldn't start a fight. I'll talk to her, see if I can figure out what's up." David said, making a move for the stairs, knocking on Elliott's door. "Elle, it's me."
"Come in." Elliott said softly as David opened the door, coming to sit on the edge of the bed with her.
"I'm surprised you didn't tell me to fuck off given the display down there." David said chuckling, motioning to the living room, earning him a glare from Elliott. "What the hell was that?"
"I don't know." Elliott said honestly, and you could hear the fear in her voice, which didn't make David any less concerned.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean I don't know. I could hear the words coming out of my mouth but I couldn't stop them, I couldn't control it, it was like someone else was saying them." Elliott said rapidly, moving to stand up to pace, but getting lightheaded as she stood and falling back to the bed.
"Elle, when was the last time you ate?" David asked, getting a look from Elliott. "I'm not going to run and tell Cordelia, you can tell me."
"I don't know," Elliott said quietly, looking at the floor, "A while."
"Did you eat in the hospital?" David asked, Elliott shaking her head in return. "The foster home?" Elliott didn't respond, just kept staring at the floor, honestly trying to remember the last time she actually had a full meal. It wasn't like the family didn't feed her, she just wasn't normally around at meal times, always trying to stay out of there as much as possible, and then once she got back she just hid in her room with the girls for the rest of the night. It had been at least a week and a half since she had eaten a regular meal, probably longer judging by the way her old clothes were falling off of her. "You have to eat you know, you can't keep going on like this, you'll pass out."
"I know." Elliott said softly. She wasn't doing it on purpose, or at least she thought she wasn't. It's just even the idea of food made her stomach roll. But after the fight with Cordelia, Elliott wasn't even sure if it was on purpose, her outburst definitely made it seem like it.
"Have you been sleeping?" David asked, already having an idea of the answer. Elliott had skipped out on sleep before, especially in their foster home when their parents would get mad about her nightmares. He vividly remembered waking up in the middle of the night to see Elliott sitting up in her bed, reading with a flashlight as she desperately tried to keep herself awake, crying when he tried to make her go to sleep.
"Yea I've been sleeping. Not a lot, but I've been sleeping." Elliott responded. She wasn't going to tell him she had slept maybe four hours over the last four days, that she knew he would tell Cordelia about, and Elliott couldn't have that.
"Do you want to stay in my room? I can wake you up if you have a nightmare. I mean, Madison will make jokes about it but if it helps then I don't care, and honestly right now I think Cordelia would be willing to try anything…" David began, being cut off by Elliott.
"No, I don't need to stay with you. These aren't normal nightmares." Elliott said sharply. Cordelia hadn't really told anyone in the house of what happened, so he was clueless. He didn't realize just how dangerous her nightmares were, and she couldn't risk hurting him, even if it meant everyone was more worried about her.
"Elle, you're going to crash if you keep this up. You have to take care of yourself." David said.
"I am, let's go eat." Elliott said, knowing it would halt the conversation. If David kept pestering her she knew she would crack and tell him everything, and she couldn't risk that, not after all the work she put into it.
David nodded and pulled Elliott up with him, her fighting the urge to sit back down once she got lightheaded again. The dizziness slowly cleared and the two made their way downstairs, running into Misty and Cordelia in the kitchen. Elliott didn't even look at them, just moved around the kitchen and made herself a small bowl of cereal, to which Cordelia threw a questioning look to David, which he dismissed with a subtle wave of his hand. Cordelia and Misty carried on their conversation as if nothing was going on, they didn't want to make Elliott uncomfortable, especially considering her outburst earlier.
Elliott ate quietly then disappeared into the greenhouse, trying to limit her interaction with anyone, leaving the other three sitting alone in the kitchen. Once Elliott was out of earshot, Cordelia immediately turned her attention to David, "How come she fights with me when I try to get her to eat but with you she's fine?"
"You'd be amazed at what you can get Elliott to do when she doesn't want to have a conversation." David said, his mouth full of food as he chuckled, Cordelia and Misty just staring at him, perplexed. "No, seriously. You want to get Elliott to do something? Bring it up first, then move into something you know she doesn't want to talk about, she'll do it just to make you shut up. You just have to make her think it's her choice."
"So she didn't talk to you then?" Cordelia asked.
"I mean, she did. She's just as confused about the fight as you are, she has no idea where it came from, so it could be the concussion or it could just be that she hasn't been sleeping." David said as he took another bite.
"She's not sleeping?" Cordelia asked, concerned.
"She says she is, but I don't think so, at least not as much as she should be. She used to do that at our foster home so she wouldn't make the parents angry. She'll crash eventually." David said casually, shrugging his shoulders.
"Why would she not be sleeping? Does she think we would get mad at her?" Cordelia asked, confused as to why this was all happening. She had to admit, she didn't know the girl as well as she should by now, but it wasn't for a lack of trying, Elliott was just so guarded.
"No, I don't think it has to do with that. I thought that, which is why I offered to stay with her and wake her up if she had nightmares so she wouldn't bug anyone else, but she turned me down, said these nightmares are different, so it has to be the nightmares themselves. Maybe she's just scared of them?" David offered, still far too casual for Cordelia's liking.
"How are you so calm about all of this?" Cordelia asked, trying to not come across as angry.
"Because I know Elle. Yea, we should be concerned about her, this is some scary stuff, especially her not eating. But this is what she does with everything, she's a control freak. Something goes wrong and she overcompensates to try and not worry anyone, which just makes everyone even more worried because she's incredibly bad at it, then she crashes or has a meltdown, and after things get better. The day she actually manages to convince everyone she's fine is the day I get really concerned. Not that I'm not concerned now, because I am, but I know you won't let it get that far." David explained, making Cordelia roll her eyes a bit.
"So what you're saying is I have to be the bad cop in this scenario?" Cordelia asked, making Misty chuckle.
"Yea sorry. Elliott already knows your tricks, but she doesn't know mine. I can get her to eat, at least for a little while, but the sleeping one is all you." David said laughing. "On the plus side, she feels really bad about earlier, so she probably won't put up as brutal of a fight. You could also say it would make you feel better, if that doesn't get her to agree I don't know what will."
"Why would that make her agree?" Misty asked, confused.
"Superhero complex." David and Cordelia said together sarcastically, throwing each other knowing looks as Misty looked even more confused.
"What?" She asked.
"I'll explain later." Cordelia said, waving her hand dismissively as she stood, heading out to the greenhouse. She spotted Elliott slumped over the table, trying her best to revive a dead plant as Max laid at her feet. She muttered the incantation, but nothing happened, so she shut her eyes and tried again with more conviction, still nothing, and she let out an audible sigh as she pushed the plant away. "Having a rough time?" Cordelia asked, making the girl jump, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
Elliott shook her head, "You're fine. I don't know why it won't work, I could do it before."
"Well," Cordelia said, walking over to the table, "Our magic is rooted in our energy, so when something is off, it can affect our abilities. It'll come back." She reached for the plant, sliding it past Elliott, then placed her hands over it, letting out a slow breath as the plant came back to life, making Elliott let out a sad laugh.
"I forgot, you don't even need an incantation." She said, quickly turning around and going to do something else. She knew she owed Cordelia an apology, or at least some sort of explanation, but truthfully she didn't even know what was going on. She felt out of control, like a spectator in her own body, for a moment she even considered that she was possessed, but that seemed a little too extreme. "I'm sorry about…earlier. I shouldn't have acted like that." She offered quietly, not turning to face the supreme.
"Yea, we both got a little worked up, didn't we?" Cordelia said, chuckling, Elliott nodding in return. "Hey, come here…" She said to Elliott, the girl slowly walking back towards her. "I know you want me to leave you alone, I do, but I can't do that. Not when I know that you aren't ok, I can see it on your face, Elle." She said softly, brushing a stray piece of hair behind Elliott's ear. "I'm just trying to help. But, I know you want to deal with this your way, so I'll do my best to leave you alone. I do want you to stay with me tonight though." Elliott started to object, but Cordelia kept talking, "I know, you're fine, I get it. And after this I'll leave you alone. This is just for my own sanity, ok?" She watched Elliott's face, expecting anger to be present on her features, but instead she just saw fear.
Elliott swallowed thickly but gave a slight nod, pulling away from the supreme and making herself look busy gathering herbs from one of the plants. She was panicked, more than panicked, this was the exact opposite of what she wanted to do. She only agreed because it would make Cordelia feel better, but she immediately regretted it. She should've fought with her about it, made the supreme so mad she wouldn't even want to look at her, let alone be in the same room as her, but she didn't. She agreed.
So now what? She obviously couldn't actually sleep, but Cordelia would absolutely notice if she just sat up reading all night. Could she somehow get out of it? Elliott turned around to see the supreme still in the greenhouse, just looking at her.
Shit. She can literally feel you, dumbass. Your anxiety is probably off the charts, chill out.
She offered the woman a small smile then made her way back to the table, waiting for Cordelia to say something to her, but she didn't, she just kept working on her own plants.
Ok, let's relax and think logically, you can do this.
She could just pretend to fall asleep doing something else in her room, like reading or something. If Cordelia was more concerned about her actually sleeping, would she really go through the effort of waking her up to move her into her room? Wouldn't she just leave her there?
Probably not, it's Cordelia. She's going to drag you to her bed whether you like it or not, she knows something is up.
So that was the first plan, but chances are that wouldn't work, so what then?
You could always pretend to be asleep until she is, then duck out.
That was risky. Cordelia watched her like a hawk, and there was no way she would go to sleep before Elliott did. It's not like she could lay there with her eyes open, she would notice. Elliott felt the supreme's eyes on her once again and she knew she was being too loud, she had to keep herself calm. Elliott had enough trouble staying awake when her eyes were open; trying to stay awake when her eyes were closed was basically a suicide mission. But she had to do it, there wasn't another choice, not if she wanted to keep Cordelia safe. She couldn't afford to fail.
A few hours and about six cups of coffee later, Elliott and Cordelia sat at the dinner table with the girls, David having gone out for dinner with some friends. It was only a few days until the rest of the girls were back in the house for the new school year, and as much as everyone loved having all the girls together, they all knew they were going to miss it just being the seven of them. As crazy as that summer had been, they knew nothing would compare to the chaos of a new school year. At least this year it would be a little easier on Cordelia, teaching wise. Misty was taking over the classes in the greenhouse and Queenie, Zoe and Madison were each taking on a class during the day, leaving Cordelia with only one class to teach, the history of witchcraft. It was the one class no one wanted to touch, none of the girls seemed to take a liking to it and usually it was the class that caused the most trouble, history was boring.
Elliott stayed quiet through most of dinner, but that wasn't unusual these days. All the coffee had made her jittery and anxious, although Cordelia had pulled the plug on the coffee maker right before dinner once she realized Elliott drank a whole pot by herself. It didn't matter, Elle knew where Madison hid her Red Bulls, Cordelia refused to let any of the girls have energy drinks in the house, something about it messing with their magic.
Once dinner was over Elliott headed back out to the greenhouse, closing the door behind her before she pulled out Maddie's secret stash, dumping a can into her empty coffee mug. She felt like she was actually driving herself insane, her heart pounding in her chest and her thoughts too jumbled to make any sense. She was pretty sure if someone actually tried to talk to her at that moment she would thoroughly convince them she was having a psychotic break, although with the way things were going she might have actually been having one. She just had to make it through the night, then Cordelia would leave her alone.
A large part of her knew that would never be the case, Cordelia would be up her ass until the day she died, one good night wouldn't change that. However, this was her only option, so she just had to do it. She went back inside after drinking her drink, passing by Cordelia as she threw her empty mug in the sink, hoping she didn't notice how bad the girl's arm was shaking as she did.
Elliott changed into pajamas and sat on her bed, cracking open a new book on her lap as she tried to keep her eyes open. With how caffeinated she was it should have been an easy task, but her eyelids felt like they weighed a million pounds every time she blinked, all she wanted to do was give up and fall asleep, but she couldn't.
Eventually she heard the definite sound of heels walking up the wooden staircase, a giveaway of Cordelia's movements, and Elliott let herself slump over a little bit as she let her book fall onto her lap, leaning her head against the wall as she pretended to be asleep. "Elle?" Cordelia asked as she peaked her head around the door, smiling a bit when she saw the girl slumped over. For a moment she thought about just leaving her there, but something felt off. Not only that, but if the girl stayed in that position all night Cordelia knew she would have neck problems the next day. She walked over to the bed, and Elliott could hear the taps of her heels on the floor, she knew this wasn't going to work. "Elle, let's go to bed babe." Cordelia said softly as she sat on the bed, running her hands through the girl's hair as she groaned in response, making Cordelia chuckle. "Come on, up." She said, grabbing Elliott's hand and pulling her to her feet. "Let's go, march." She joked as she put her hands on Elliott's shoulders, guiding her back to her room and towards the bed. Elliott didn't put up a fight, but she also didn't seem pleased with it either, sitting up in bed and staring at her hands, her eyes a little wider than normal.
Just. Stay. Awake.
Cordelia took her sweet time getting into bed, leisurely changing into pj's and climbing in, cracking open a book on her lap. "It's ok, you can go to bed, I know you were sleeping." She said, noticing how Elliott wasn't laying down.
"I can't sleep with the light on." Elliott said quietly, trying to get Cordelia to turn out the light and just go to sleep.
Cordelia threw her a funny look, she literally just walked in on her sleeping with the light on, but she wasn't going to argue, so she shut out the light and slid into bed, pulling Elliott down with her.
Elliott faced away from the supreme and fought off the sleep that was so desperately trying to drag her down, listening carefully for when the older woman's breaths evened out. She felt her eyelids starting to droop, so she pinched herself to keep them open.
You. Can't. Sleep. Stay. Awake.
The more tired she became, the more panicked she got. She had to stay awake, she couldn't fall asleep, she couldn't hurt her. Elliott felt like she was going insane, her thoughts screaming at her, telling her to get up, to do something, anything to keep herself awake. She felt her eyes beginning to close again so she pinched herself hard enough to make herself flinch, but still, her eyes continued to fall closed.
No, no, no, no. Can't sleep.
Cordelia felt her flinch, she wasn't even trying to sleep, waiting for Elliott to fall asleep first. She wasn't dumb, she saw how much coffee she was drinking, how panicked she got when Cordelia told her she was sleeping with her. She knew Elliott thought she could be slick, but Cordelia could feel the panic that filled the room, Elliott wasn't sleeping, not even a little bit.
Once Elliott thought the supreme had fallen asleep, she shifted herself so she was sitting up in bed, her thoughts racing. She needed to get out of there, now. "You ok?" Cordelia asked, opening her eyes to look up at the girl, causing her to tense up even further. She didn't even respond to the woman, just sat there in an almost catatonic state, her breathing uneven. "Elle?" Cordelia asked, trying to get the girls attention. She thought she might have been sleepwalking, based on her lack of response, but no way had she even had a chance to fall asleep. She finally broke her trance, needing to do something, anything, to keep herself awake. This was it, this was the insanity, she had officially lost it. She got up from the bed and quickly walked out of the room, not paying attention as Cordelia flicked on the light and sat up. "Elle? Where are you going?"
Cordelia waited a moment, thinking maybe she just needed to do something and she would be back, but she heard the outside door open and close, and that was when she finally stood up, still confused as to what was going on. She made her way downstairs and towards the back door, seeing that the lights in the greenhouse had been turned on. She wandered out there, and watched for a moment as Elliott frantically moved around the room, her movements jerky and uncoordinated. She slowed for a minute, stopping at the table as she leaned onto it, and Cordelia saw a wave of panic cross her face, shaking her head rapidly, then returning to her frantic movements. "Elle, it's midnight. What are you doing?" Cordelia asked.
"Can't sleep." Was the response she got, although by the quietness in Elliott's voice and the panic, she wasn't sure Elliott was even talking to her at all.
"I can give you something for that. Come on, it's bedtime. You can finish this tomorrow." Cordelia said quietly, walking over to the girl as she shook her head.
"Can't sleep." Elliott said again as she walked away from the woman, picking up a plant and setting it on the table.
"Elle, I can give you medication to help you sleep, it's inside. Let's go." Cordelia tried again, moving towards the girl once more as she rapidly backed away from her.
"No, no, no, no." Elliott said loudly, becoming even more frantic and frazzled, if that was even possible. She wasn't paying attention to where she was going, and she tripped over a pot, falling back against the wall behind her as Cordelia tried to catch her, sliding down the wall as she brought her knees to her chest. She was going crazy, absolutely crazy. She tried to keep herself in check, even out her breathing, but she was on the verge of a total meltdown, her eyes too wide and her voice too quiet.
"Elle, I know you don't like taking medicine but it will help, I promise." Cordelia tried again, kneeling down so she was at eye level with the girl, who just shook her head rapidly.
"Can't sleep. Can't…" Elliott whispered, not even making eye contact with the supreme as her breath quickened once again. She was completely losing control, and Cordelia's confused face turned to one of concern quickly. There was something she was missing.
"Elle, have you been keeping yourself up?" Cordelia asked, realizing that Elliott might not be saying she is having issues sleeping, she might be having issues keeping herself awake, which would explain her frantic state.
Elliott stared at her a moment while her eyes filled with tears, she was caught, she couldn't do it. She failed. She nodded as she dropped her head onto her knees, crying as she went into a full meltdown, her body shaking as she tried to control her breathing.
"Sh, sh, it's ok. Just breathe baby. It's ok." Cordelia whispered, rubbing her hand on the exposed part of Elliott's back.
"Can't..." Elliott whispered, shaking her head back and forth. She wasn't making any sense and she knew it, but she didn't have the energy to care. Cordelia already knew she wasn't sleeping, it was only a matter of time until she figured out why.
Suddenly, Misty wandered out to the greenhouse, looking for herbs to help her sleep. She walked in the room as Cordelia looked up at her, her face filled with sorrow and confusion. "Elle? What happened darlin'?" Misty said as she moved towards the two women, kneeling down with Cordelia.
"She hasn't been sleeping." Cordelia explained, and Misty could hear the pain in her voice.
"Why?" Misty asked, but Cordelia just shook her head, she really didn't know.
"Can't…." Elliott squeaked out before her breaths got too rapid for anymore words to come out.
"Can't what baby?" Cordelia asked, but Elliott just shook her head, she couldn't speak long enough to tell her.
"Hurt." She managed to get out, but it didn't make any sense to the women, and they just looked at each other confused.
"Elle, we can't help if we don't know what's goin' on darlin'. Just breathe, it's ok." Misty said, trying to console the girl.
"Elle, show me." Cordelia said simply, realizing getting her to talk wasn't going to be an easy task. Elliott shook her head, a fresh round of cries leaving her body.
"How about ya show me?" Misty offered, getting a glare from Cordelia, which she ignored. She knew Elliott tried to shield Cordelia from as much of her pain as possible, but they somehow had to get some information out of her, even if it made Cordelia feel like Misty was undermining her. To be honest, none of them were even sure Elliott could do it considering her state, but they had to do something. Elliott didn't respond, she didn't even stop crying, but moments later Misty's own memory of Cordelia flying across the room played in front of her eyes, and suddenly it made sense. She couldn't sleep because she didn't want to hurt Cordelia, that's why she was working so hard to keep her distance and to keep herself awake. "Oh darlin', it wasn't your fault." Misty offered, which caused Cordelia to look at her questioningly. "She doesn't wanna risk hurtin' ya again, that's why she won't sleep."
Elliott started crying even harder, and Cordelia immediately went from kneeling in front of the girl to sitting beside her, pulling her towards her body, which Elliott resisted, causing the supreme to pull the girl literally onto her lap to calm her down, pressing Elliott's head onto her chest. She sat there silently until Elliott's cries started to cease, her breath still ragged, but not as bad as before. Cordelia looked down and saw how utterly exhausted she looked, like all the life had been sucked out of her, and it broke her heart. How could she fix this? It would be easy to fix Elliott being afraid of her own dreams, she could just promise to wake her up. Hell, she would stay awake all night if it meant Elliott slept. But Cordelia waking Elliott up was the problem here, and that was much harder to fix. Elliott couldn't control her own unconscious impulses, Cordelia knew that, and she wasn't upset with her about it. But Elliott was punishing herself for something she had no control over, trying to protect the supreme at all costs. How could she watch Elliott and keep her distance at the same time? "Elle, you need to sleep." She finally said, not knowing what else she could do. Elliott shook her head against her chest, which only made Cordelia sigh. "Yes, you do. You can't keep doing this, it's not good for you. We'll figure something out, but you need to let me worry about that, ok? You have enough to deal with."
Elliott didn't respond, so Misty took the initiative and reached for Elliott, pulling her to her feet. "Let's get ya up and in bed, ok? We can figure the rest of this out somewhere that isn't the floor." Elliott stumbled a little and Misty caught her, something that only made Cordelia grow more concerned. Once Elliott was stable on her feet Misty turned and pulled Cordelia up as well, herding them inside and up to the supreme's bedroom.
Cordelia quickly moved around the room grabbing this and that as Elliott stood there, and Misty tried to get her to sit down, but she refused. If she was upright, she could stay awake, although she was very aware that Cordelia wouldn't allow her to be awake for much longer. Misty could feel her energy pulse throughout the room, although it was much weaker than it probably should have been, which worried her. If her energy was fading out, that meant she was too, and the concern on Cordelia's face when Misty met her gaze confirmed it, she was scared shitless. "Sit down baby." Cordelia said quietly, although it wasn't really a suggestion, and Elliott knew it. She finally sat, but on the edge of the bed, one hand having an iron grip on her arm, bringing just enough pain to keep her alert. Cordelia walked in front of her and immediately noticed, choosing to sit next to her on the bed and removing Elliott's death grip on her arm, holding her hand to keep her from doing it again. "You need to take this." Cordelia said, holding out a small white pill. Elliott knew it was sleeping medication, and she shook her head, trying to pull herself away from the supreme. "Elle, look at me." Cordelia said forcefully, and Elliott snapped her gaze up to meet hers, the fear in her eyes on full display to the supreme. "You have to sleep, there isn't another option. I'll be ok." Elliott looked away from her, not for a second believing her, which caused Cordelia to let go of her hand and grab her face, turning it back towards her, "I'm not afraid of you, I'm not. You won't hurt me."
"I'm afraid of me." Elliott said softly, causing both Misty and Cordelia's hearts to simultaneously break. "I can't do anything about it, I can't control it. I can't keep hurting you." Elliott wasn't blind, she knew Cordelia well enough to know that she would keep trying to help Elliott until it killed her, or she killed her. She couldn't let that happen, not after all Cordelia had done for her.
"Hey, this isn't a forever thing, ok? It will get better, and until it does we'll make it work. But that's not for you to worry about, I can take care of myself, I know what I can handle, let ME worry about it." Cordelia said.
Elliott sat quiet for a moment, thinking. She knew she wasn't getting out of this, she had to sleep, so how could she do that without hurting anyone? "You can't wake me up." Elliott finally said, looking up at the supreme.
"Elle, I'm not just going to let you sleep through it. I can't. We'll find a way." Cordelia said, stunned that Elliott would even think Cordelia would agree to that.
"Maybe later we will, but if you want me to sleep tonight you have to promise me you won't wake me up." Elliott said, drawing her line in the sand. If Cordelia wanted her to be comfortable with sleeping, she was going to have to do it her way.
Cordelia opened her mouth to argue, the disagreement stamped right across her face, but Misty cut her off. "Dee…" She said softly, her expression pleading. Truth was she agreed with Elliott, she couldn't bear the idea of Cordelia getting hurt again either, regardless of how the supreme felt. She knew this would absolutely tear Cordelia up, make her feel like a failure, but at that moment it was a better idea than Elliott not sleeping and completely falling apart. Misty knew both of the girls were stubborn in their own right, but Elliott would let herself die before she hurt the supreme again, so the older witch had to concede.
"Fine." Cordelia said quietly as her face dropped, her eyes moving from the swamp witch to the floor, "I won't wake you." Misty let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding, and she saw Elliott nod at the older woman as Cordelia looked back at her. "But you're taking this." Cordelia said sternly, holding out that white pill once again. Elliott shook her head and went to say she didn't need it, but Cordelia was quick to jump in. "Don't think I didn't see you downing coffee like it was water, or that empty can of Red Bull in the greenhouse. You need it."
Elliott stared at her for a moment before reaching for the pill, taking it as the supreme handed her a water bottle to wash it down. "I don't think all the caffeine in the world could save me now." She said, although it sounded a little too dark for either of the older women's comfort. Cordelia pulled Elliott back onto the bed and after noticing Elliott's still panicked eyes, pulled the girl so her head was in the supreme's lap, running her fingers through her hair. Misty moved to sit on the other side of the bed, rubbing Elliott's back in an attempt to calm her down. Cordelia could physically see the young witch fighting off sleep, doing everything in her power to keep her eyes open, so she softly whispered, "It's ok, just close your eyes. Everything is going to be fine baby, just sleep."
The three of them stayed that way until Elliott's eyes finally closed and didn't reopen, which should have been a relief, but instead it instilled a new kind of fear in Cordelia, she couldn't wake her up, and that terrified her. Although the supreme was utterly exhausted, she had a feeling she wouldn't be sleeping, that it was going to be one long night. "She'll be ok Dee." Misty said softly, feeling Cordelia's anxiety, which made Cordelia look confused, but then realize that Elliott was indeed right, Misty could absolutely feel her. The idea should have made Cordelia's skin crawl, it should've felt invasive, all of her thoughts and feelings being on display for someone else, but it didn't. Instead, it made Cordelia's heart flutter, and it was in that moment she knew she was in love with Misty Day, wholeheartedly.
"What if she's not?" Cordelia asked quietly, looking down at the sleeping girl. "I did this, you know. It's my fault she got stuck in that house, and she's worried about ME. About hurting ME." She said quietly but angry, letting out a sinister laugh. "All I've done is hurt her, her entire life. I don't deserve her."
"Dee, ya didn't know ya couldn't take her, it was an honest mistake. Ya did what ya thought was right, that's what ya done her whole life, ain't nothin' wrong with that. Elle doesn't blame ya, and ya shouldn't either. Everyone screws up, she still knows ya care about her more than anythin'." Misty said with conviction.
"She wants me to send her back Mist. I know she said she didn't mean it and she didn't know what happened, but that didn't just come out of nowhere. She might think it did, but some part of her brain thinks that way." Cordelia said, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Did ya ever consider that maybe she thinks deep down ya would be better off without her?" Misty asked, Cordelia staring back at her like she was insane. "It's not a reach Dee, especially considerin' the way she was brought up. There's a lot of dark stuff she thinks about when she thinks no one's lookin', I know you've felt it too. Not ta mention ya are over here talkin' about how ya don't deserve her. Ya two are peas in a pod with the self doubt, I'll tell ya."
Cordelia stared at her for a moment, "The phrase is "two peas in a pod" Mist."
"I know what the phrase is." Misty said, a smile on her lips, making Cordelia smile back at her, effectively changing the subject.
The two continued to converse for a little while until the conversation eventually lulled, Misty looking at the clock and noticing just how late it was. "I should get off ta bed, leave ya two alone for the night." She said softly, standing up and making her way towards the door.
"Stay." Cordelia blurted out, not wanting the witch to leave. She panicked at her outburst, at giving too much of her emotions away, and she quickly tried to recover as Misty stared at her. "I… I don't think I can do it, not wake her up, not if I'm by myself." It wasn't a lie, if Elliott had a nightmare Cordelia absolutely would not be able to keep her promise, not when there was no one there holding her accountable. Misty knew the supreme didn't ask her to stay because of Elliott, but she wasn't going to say anything, so she just nodded and walked back to the other side of the bed, climbing in as Cordelia shifted Elliott off of her and onto the middle of the bed, separating the two of them as Misty shifted the covers over the sleeping girl.
Cordelia didn't sleep, but Misty did intermittently throughout the night. Around 3am Misty was woken out of a dead sleep, the air in the room thick and heavy, and she rolled over to face Elliott and Cordelia, knowing Elliott was obviously having a nightmare. Cordelia stared at the girl, her eyes wide in panic, like the girl was a bomb about to go off any second. Misty knew she wasn't scared of the girl in the slightest, it was her own actions she was afraid of. Elliott lying there in pain next to Cordelia was like dangling drugs in front of a newly recovered addict, and you could see the tug of war on Cordelia's face, debating on waking her up. "Dee, don't." Misty said softly, causing the woman to look over at her.
"I can't do this." Cordelia said, her voice wavering. You could tell this was killing her, that Elliott's pain was killing her.
"She'll be ok, she'll wake up safe here with us." Misty said gently, trying to reassure the woman that she made the right decision.
"I have to wake her up." Cordelia said firmly, moving to jostle the girl.
"Dee no, ya can't. Ya do that and Elle won't sleep again. The only thing ya got on ya side right now is that girl trusts ya completely, ya can't ruin that." Misty said forcefully, standing up from the bed and walking around it, pulling Cordelia away from the sleeping girl.
"Misty, stop, I have to." Cordelia said, trying to wiggle her way out of Misty's grasp.
"No, ya don't, and ya can't." Misty said sharply.
"She won't hurt me, and she'll see she has nothing to worry about. It will be fine." Cordelia said.
"But what if it isn't? What if she wakes up and ya are hurt again? That will kill her, and ya won't get any more chances. Ya can't do that ta her, Dee." Misty said, knowing that would be the thing that made Cordelia stop.
"What am I supposed to do? I can't leave her like this." Cordelia said quietly, tears spilling over.
"Go for a walk, get outta here. I'll watch her. If it gets too bad I'll be the one ta wake her up, ok?" Misty said, Cordelia shaking her head.
"No, I don't want you getting hurt, this is my problem." Cordelia said.
"Either I can stay here and watch her and wake her if it gets ta be too bad, or I can come on the walk with ya. Which would ya like?" Misty said, letting Cordelia know there was no way she was waking Elliott.
Cordelia reluctantly agreed to take a walk while Misty watched Elliott, going down and sitting in the living room until the nightmare had passed. Misty made her way downstairs about 10 minutes later, smiling softly at the older woman. "She's fine, it's passed. I didn't even have ta wake her up. Now, let's get ya ta bed, yea? No use in wearin yourself out."
Cordelia stood and slowly made her way back up the stairs, entering the room and noticing how much easier it was to breathe. She slid into bed and kissed Elliott's forehead as Misty went to the bathroom, then climbed back on the other side, pulling the covers above her ears, which made Cordelia laugh. "Night." Cordelia said, sliding down under the covers herself.
"Night, love ya." Misty said, making Cordelia's heart race. She briefly panicked about the muttering of the phrase, looking down at Elliott to see if she had moved, or was somehow possibly awake to hear it as well, but she laid still. Misty looked equally as panicked, which somehow calmed down the older witch as she attempted to form an apology. "I'm.. I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that, it just slipped out."
"Mist, it's ok." Cordelia said, not even bothering to think as the words tumbled out of her mouth, "I love you too."
