Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Epitaph of 300,000

Was he supposed to feel something? Because he felt absolutely nothing. No remorse, no guilt, not even the sickening feeling he should get after crushing a man to death. He knew he did it, footage doesn't lie. He had biotics and he had crushed a man to the point of death.

If he did feel anything it was good. A sick and twisted feeling of accomplishment after bringing Gavin to his maker. The power of being able to literally break a man and crush him to bits gave him a feeling of euphoria he hadn't had in weeks. Not since…

And then the feeling was gone. Replaced by a pain he was so used to it made him numb. It had become his new normal. He no longer hated the feeling as now he had forgotten what he used to feel like before this.

"Zane, we still haven't heard from Shepard. Any ideas what to do now?" Joker asked.

"Probably captured already. He'd better not be dead. He still has his uses in the coming war."

"Get to the Viper nebula." He ordered casually. Zane was in no real hurry to save Shepard but the man was needed to fight the Reapers.

"Is he really needed?" He thought for a moment. But quickly banished the thought. Zane knew that Shepard was needed for the war. If for no other reason, then to unite the galaxy.

"Understood it will take us a few hours though." Joker said and Zane mentally shrugged. Okay? Should he be concerned about that?

"So long as his capture was relatively recent then it shouldn't matter."

"Fine. Just get us there." He said and walked to his desk.

Reports were waiting to be opened. Some were urgent but most were progress reports. He was afraid to open them. Had he failed someone else? Did he want to know that his ideas had caused someone else to die?

So, he ignored them. He wouldn't fail anyone if he didn't know he had failed someone. The logic was flawed, he knew that, but what did he care? He had failed so many people at this point that what was another casualty to his stupidity?

Zane swept the reports and logs away before searching the Viper system on the extranet. He read what he had to but a number stood out to him. 305,000. The number was small when compared to other numbers of the same type.

305,000. That was the estimated population of Aratoht. Both slaves and free Batarians made up 305,000 people. They were the poor, the forgotten, the slaves, the scum, the rich, the unfortunate, and the too fortunate. They were people. Was he ready to fail them? All of them?

Those people had families, loved ones, enemies, and friends. And with a blink of an eye, their flames of life would be snuffed out. And the worse thing? They would never know why. They would never know it would be to stop a menace of unfathomable might and power. And there was nothing Zane could do to help them.

And while their loss would be unfortunate… Zane couldn't bring himself to say anything other then "life isn't fair." That was the epitaph he was giving 305,000 graves. What was he becoming? Who was he becoming? That he was willing to see 305,000 lives burn and say, "life isn't fair?" He hated himself! He hated coming here! Hated being chosen! Hated knowing everything! He wished he died on the Suicide Mission, died on the Citadel, died before he was transported, died at birth!

"Rarrgh!" He shouted and slammed his fists on the desk and broke several datapads. Then he threw them across the room in his frenzy. But that didn't end his torrent of rage and he soon lost any control he once had.

He woke up on the floor surrounded by broken datapads, blankets, his clothes, and thrown chairs and weapons. His got up slowly from his stupor and his hands hurt with pressure put on them. He looked at them and saw his knuckles a new type of color. A color of black, blue, purple, and even a dash of green. His hands had cuts running up and down them from the glass of various datapads that surrounded him. The cuts still bled but he didn't care anymore.

He got up slowly and looked around and saw the mess he had made. The weapons had been taken off from their racks and laid on the floor dirty but undamaged. He saw large dents on the walls where he had punched as hard as he could that surprisingly hadn't broken his arm but had more than likely fractured his knuckles.

He saw a large piece of glass and thought about jabbing it into his throat. He could end the pain he felt at the moment. No more waiting, no more unknown futures, it could end and the pressure would be gone. The thought was quick and fleeting but he still thought it. He collapsed onto the floor and soon cried into his bleeding hands. The salt of his tears causing more pain that in turn caused more tears. A cycle of pain that would last for who knew how long.

….

Garrus walked into the med-bay with a painful expression. He wasn't in pain but his friend was and he wanted to help in any way he could. And there was only one thing that would guarantee his friend's recovery.

"Garrus?" Chakwas asked upon seeing him.

"Doctor, any news?" He asked motioning to Tali's sleeping form. The beeping of her equipment telling them that she was alive but was still fighting for that life.

"Minor improvements. She is dreaming now which is good. Her fever is decreasing as well. But whether she is on the cusp of waking up I cannot say. Her immune system was ravaged by her wound and that is not to say how it was before the battle. She was sick beforehand and it wasn't looking good for her when she left." Chakwas stated and Garrus' pained expression turned to one of sadness.

"I just wish she was better. For his sake if for no one elses." He commented.

"So do I. He is only getting worse." She commented.

"How bad?" He asked.

"He just trashed his room." She said and Garrus had heard of people whispering about muffled shouting and the crashing and breaking of glass and the throwing of objects. Garrus thought it was something else. He wished he had been right in that assessment.

"Any ideas?" Garrus asked for suggestions to anything to help Zane. But Chakwas only shook her head. There was nothing that could be done. He seemed to be at his calmest when in the med-bay and when Diane had stayed with them for a few hours. Zane cared for her like they were siblings. And Diane returned the sentiment.

She seemed to understand that Gavin's death wasn't entirely of Zane's doing and she seemed to understand why Zane had done it. She had grieved for several long minutes and moments. But Zane's persistence allowed her to open up to him. And then they were inseparable for the short hours she was here. Only a sibling or loved one could truly calm him.

"Wait! I got it!" Garrus said and left the med-bay.

"What is it Garrus?" Achilles asked in a tired voice. He was sleeping when his omni-tool beeped. "Wait a minute, how did you get this number?" He asked.

"Not now Achilles I need your help." Garrus said in a frantic tone. Achilles raised a brow in confusion and interest.

"Well, I'm awake. What do you need?" He asked as he grabbed a cup of nug. The Turian version of coffee.

"It's Zane he has lost it." Achilles nearly choked on the hot liquid.

"Whaa… what?" He asked for confirmation. What was Garrus talking about?

"Tali was heavily wounded. She has been in a coma for several weeks." Achilles' eyes grew with those words.

"Oh fuck." Achilles said and held his head down.

"Yea. It's bad."

"How bad is he?" He asked but he could only imagine and he was almost certain it wasn't as bad as the reality.

"He did this a few hours ago." Garrus tapped a few things on his omni-tool and Achilles got an attachment.

He opened it and it was a video. He pressed play and saw it was security footage. He saw Zane in his hoodie with his rifle on his back. A man walked in shouting at him. A spark of blue shined in his eyes and then. Something Achilles couldn't explain happened. Biotic energy flowed through Zane and soon the man was floating in the air. Locked in place by the energy. Garrus pleaded to Zane to stop to think about what he was doing. But the eyes of a monster looked back. And in an equally monstrous voice, Zane replied uncaringly. And then the man was crushed in the field of biotic energy.

"Fuck…" Achilles was shocked. Zane had done many things. He had burned whole buildings of gangsters after Valyeria died. He hunted the man responsible and while he begged for his life Zane killed him slowly and cruelly. With the eyes of a practiced murderer. And even then he said he wasn't finished with those responsible.

Zane had felt guilt at his actions under the umbrella of grief. But with Tali, it was different.

All bets were off when it came to her. Achilles didn't need to be with him to see that he just knew Zane too well. He had seen it when Zane traveled with Shepard to hunt down Saren. He saw it when Tali held him as he bled from the wounds given to him by the rogue Spectre. And he saw how the feelings were returned. At that moment, their fates were sealed and interlocked. Zane wouldn't lose another loved one. Not again.

"Anything else?" Achilles asked afraid if there was anything else.

"He recently locked himself in his room and trashed it. We also have lost contact with Shepard and he seemed rather uncaring about it. Though we are on the way to getting Shepard." Garrus said with concern. Achilles shut his eyes tightly.

"No Zane. Not now, hang in there. Don't blame him, don't blame them." He thought. Achilles knew Zane needed someone to blame for what had happened and would not rest until those he deemed responsible paid in blood. An eye for an eye was a popular sentiment in his family and Zane was a true believer in it.

"You must be careful around him. He will be extremely volatile until she recovers. How is her condition?"

"It is getting better but slowly and even with the improvement there is room for error." Garrus stated.

"She needs to get better soon for I will guarantee you he will only get worse. I will try to contact him but don't expect him to pick up. Keep an eye on him and be ready. He is looking for someone to blame. Do not be that person. Achilles out." He said and closed the channel.

He walked to the window and saw the vastness of the Citadel. But all he could see was a station waiting to burn if Tali didn't get better. Zane would order the Organization to do whatever it took to get cooperation from the Citadel or burn it down. And the Citadel was never cooperative.

"What is it?" He asked tired and annoyed.

"Zane? What is going on? You look like shit." Achilles asked him. He clenched a fist off screen and tightened his jaw.

"Nothing." Zane replied in an unconvincing tone. He knew it wouldn't work he just wanted the conversation done. Before he thought too much about the situation he was in.

"Don't shut me out."

"And what if I want to? What if that is all I want?! Is for everyone to leave me alone!" He shouted at Achilles through the call.

"And what would that bring you?" Achilles asked him. He hesitated for a moment. Zane could feel tears form but he quickly blinked them back.

"Peace. It would bring me peace." He said in a whisper.

"Would it? Or would it give you time to think?" The question was posed but Zane wasn't sure how to answer.

"Would that be so bad?"

"For you? In your state? Yes."

"And what state is that?!" He shouted again.

"The state of grief. You don't know what the future holds and it scares you. Now you do everything to stay in control. But even you must see just how destructive that is." Achilles said.

"Wha… what do you mean?"

"Zane, you are angry, depressed, and most of all you are unpredictable. You are thinking before you are doing and it is showing. Your outbursts are a product of that. No, they are indicative of that!" Zane listened to his friend but a part of him was numb to the words.

"No, he is wrong. I am in control! Whatever happens, I allow it to happen! The lives of thousands hang on my actions and words and I can play God for them all. No longer am I being guided I am the guide!" He thought and a smile formed. But then a whisper began in the back of his head. The whisper grew louder until he could hear it. It was Tali's voice that spoke to him and echoed off his skull.

"Are you? Are you in control? Or is it your rage? Your grief that controls you? Is your freedom real or a façade? Who does this help Zane?" To hear her voice -even if it wasn't from her throat- was enough to cause him to distance himself from the world around him.

"It helps you!" He yelled in his head.

"How?" Her voice asked and he paused. He didn't have an answer. What could he say? What was there to say?

"I… I don't know." He replied and he heard her chuckle. It was mocking him.

"Then what was the point of it all?" And then the voice and whispers faded into oblivion.

"You still there Zane?" Achilles asked.

"Ye… yea. I got to go Achilles." Zane said and closed the call. He sat in his room and was unsure what to feel. Anger first rose in his chest but then was suppressed. Then came a depressed feeling the feeling of being worthless and unneeded, unwanted. But that too was suppressed.

He once swore that he would do better, that he wouldn't lose his entire composure and now he had soiled on that dream, that resolution. And all it took was for his love to be in danger. But she had been in danger before. Hell, they had been separated for two years and he still remained composed for the most part. What was it that did it this time?

"It may be my fault." The thought came without him wanting it to. He wanted to ignore it but couldn't. He knew it was true, that it may be his fault that she was at death's door. His fault that she was in pain. There was only one other time that he ever came close to this sort of state and it was when Valyeria sacrificed herself for him.

He shook his head from the thoughts before they progressed further. He looked back at the number that seemed to mock him. The number of people he would fail in a moment. 305,000 and there was nothing that could be done.

He remembered his original plan was that after the Suicide Mission he would have several squads infiltrate Aratoht and help slaves escape their masters. As time went on he would get the "better" Batarians off of the planet. Eventually leading to a full evacuation after simulating a high-ranking Hegemony member. But in his stupor, in the grief-stricken state, he simply forgot. Or just didn't care enough about it. He didn't care enough about them. Thus, he had signed the death warrant of 305,000 people.

"Zane, we are entering the Viper nebula." Joker said.

"Look for the asteroid immediately." He said with stern eyes. He gripped Joker's chair so tightly his knuckles were whiter than freshly fallen snow.

"An asteroid? You're aware of how many…" Miranda began and then they entered the system. The first thing to catch their attention was an asteroid speeding towards the relay. It was far from the relay but was huge and was only getting larger.

"EDI, how long do we have before impact?' Zane asked.

"Calculating… approximately ten minutes." She said in her normal stoic voice.

"We don't have much time Zane." Miranda said and he rolled eyes without her seeing.

"No shit. Joker, get us to a landing pad. EDI get me in contact with Shepard." Zane said and he began to make his way to the elevator.

"Aye, aye." Joker shouted.

"It may be difficult. The relay may interfere with communications. Anything short of QEC will have issues."

"Got it. Miranda, get Garrus, Grunt, and Legion down to the shuttle." He ordered.

"Yes, Sir." She replied and began to message the squad members he requested.

The journey in the elevator was slow and uneventful as usual and he soon stopped on the third floor. His omni-tool began to make a static sound and someone panting followed by gunfire could be heard.

"I've made contact with Shepard but the signal is weak." EDI said over the intercom.

"Yea I see that." He said and brought his omni-tool closer as he walked into his room. "Shepard?"

"Fzzh… Zane? What…fzzh…doing here? Is …sszh…Overlord finished?" Shepard asked and Zane recalled the last moments again. With the memories came that sick and twisted feeling of satisfaction of ending Gavin's life.

"Yes. But enough about that. We are coming to get you. Send us the coordinates of where to pick you up on that rock and we will be there immediately." Zane said as he grabbed his rifle and strapped it on. He knew he should've had it on as they entered the system. But he thought against it. Thinking they would have plenty of time.

"Got it. Be…zarfzh...the…ffzh…platform is…zzsh…reinforced." Shepard said between the static.

"Yea I figured. Get to the platform and we will get you."

"Wait! The...pezzsh…on Aratoht...help…sszh…them!" Shepard shouted and Zane was quiet and put his head down in a mixture of anger and regret at himself.

"There is nothing to be done for them, Shepard. We are too late to do anything meaningful. Helping now will jeopardize you their sacrifice will not be forgotten." Zane said as gently as he could.

"I…I understand." Shepard said disheartened. The sound of gunfire seemingly quieting down as the realization of all those people dying weighed on the situation.

"We'll be there soon." Zane said and closed the channel. He ran to the elevator and slammed on the lowest floor. The time it took was incomprehensibly slower then it should've been. "Joker I am sending you coordinates to a landing platform. Get us close."

"Understood." Joker replied and the doors opened to the hanger. The squad he had ordered be brought to him were waiting beside the shuttle. He simply gave a nod and the team entered the shuttle without a second thought.

As soon as he entered into the shuttle and the doors closed the pilot was given the green light to leave. They quickly ascended and entered the cold vacuum of space. In the short time that it took for Zane to make it to the shuttle from the cockpit the asteroid had made it deadly close to the mass relay.

"Not a lot of time pilot get a move on!" He shouted. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from the magnificent blue light. The light putting his mind at ease. The calming effect taking hold. And then -when he was calmer- he knew he was ready to get Shepard out of hell again.

"Sir, we have several targets on the landing pad. Orders?"

"Is the shuttle shielded?"

"Yes?" The pilot replied confused. Zane clipped his hard-mask over his face and got beside a door. The team understood his intention and put on their helmets.

"Open the door." Zane ordered and the rest of the team got up and grabbed their weapons. The doors opened and they began to open fire. "Circle them, pilot!" Zane ordered as he held down the trigger. The shuttle began to circle the landing pad like it was a fish and they were the shark.

The indoctrinated marines on the ground were confused, outgunned, outmanned, and outflanked. They died by the squad and in the distance, a single figure could be seen taking cover and killing the marines and destroying the mechs.

A rocket zoomed through the shuttle's opening doing no damage. The culprit was a YMIR mech looking up at them and soon began firing its chaingun.

"Garrus, Legion do you mind dealing with that thing?"

"Not at all." Garrus said.

"Affirmative." Legion replied and they both aimed with their snipers and began to open fire. The high-caliber rifles soon piercing the shields and armor. Then a few headshots caused a chain reaction that resulted in an explosion. Killing a squad of soldiers.

"That's all of them. Shepard get over here!" Zane shouted as they landed. However, a hologram of Harbinger appeared.

"Shepard…Puppet. You have done nothing this day. A minor inconvenience will not end this cycle or the future cycles to come after. You have provoked those infinitely your better. Know that as you destroy a planet, a mass relay, and this very station. That it was all for nothing." Then the hologram disappeared.

Shepard entered the shuttle and Zane banged on the pilot's door. The shuttle doors closed and they ascended from the asteroid. The air was silent, foreboding, tense, and choking in its thickness. No one said a word as Harbinger's words sank in. But to Zane, they cut deep.

It was true that the sacrifices that had to be made to delay the invasion were nearly useless. All those lives would be lost but the Reapers would still come and burn Earth to ash and then jump through the relays like a plague, a virus without a cure. A forest fire across the galaxy and no one would have a bucket of water to stop it. No one but the Organization but would it be enough? Only a victory or a defeat would be the judge of that.

Shepard and Zane saw the blimp that was the Alpha relay flicker out of existence on the galaxy map. He felt his heart enter his feet and looked down in a bittersweet feeling of victory. Victories shouldn't feel like this he should be celebrating. Instead, Shepard felt like someone had spent an hour kicking him in the gut over and over.

Zane didn't look much better. His hands shook and tears filled his eyes. He looked different then he had a few days ago when Shepard had left him in charge. He looked less angry at the world and more angry at himself. Whether it was healthier was debatable but now Zane wasn't shooting daggers at Shepard with his eyes at all times.

"305,000 people lost in a blink of an eye. They didn't know what was coming and for that, we condemned them to death." He said and tear fell from his eye. Zane banged his fist against a railing and left without another word.

...

"You know you'll have to face the music, right?" Hackett told him. He could only nod for a few moments.

"I would expect nothing else."

"You do your job and now your ass is being put to the fire. It's a shitty situation I've put you in and it isn't fair." Hackett said and Shepard looked to Tali as Zane sat next to her with her hand in his. He was sleeping with his head on her bed in an uncomfortable position but he made it work.

"With all due respect Sir. Life isn't fair. I know that and when my business is done I will face judgment." Shepard said and saluted the Admiral.

"I will hold them off as long as I can Shepard. But regardless, I'd put a damn medal on you." Hackett said and returned the salute before leaving.