CHAPTER 28

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The Falcon grew quiet as Wedge and Tycho helped Luke out of the freighter. Leia shifted awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Darth Vader was her father. How could she possibly come to terms with that fact? Luke being her brother—oh, that made her happier than she'd been in a long, long time. It made sense. It felt right.

Vader being her father was the epitome of everything wrong with this Force-forsaken galaxy. She hated the Empire, she'd secretly fought against it for as long as she could remember, and yet her father was second-in-command. Her father had turned to the Dark Side and pledged his servitude to the horrible Emperor.

And Luke…Luke was so impossibly good and she couldn't understand how someone like him could come from someone like Vader.

Luke claimed that Vader had been a Jedi once, but she didn't care. Her thoughts reeled, she had no idea what to do or say…and then Han started to laugh.

Leia glared at him. "What?"

Han shook his head, trying to hold in his laughter. "Oh, nothing."

"No, come on, what's so funny?" She couldn't believe that Han would laugh at a time like this. All she wanted was to cry or scream, maybe both, and he was laughing.

He managed to stop long enough to speak. "It's just that, you know…I was just thinking it's a damn good thing you never reciprocated any of Luke's feelings way back when."

Leia stared blankly at him for a moment…and then her eyes widened in realization. "Oh gods…"

Han burst out laughing again. "Come on, you're not telling me you hadn't thought of that yet?"

"No! Please Han, promise me that you will never bring this up to Luke."

"Sorry sweetheart, but I can guarantee the first thing that went through his mind when he found out was that he'd once had a crush on his twin sister."

Leia grimaced. "Oh, wonderful."

Han ran his fingers through his hair. "It seems like there really was a greater Force keeping you two apart, huh?"

"Han, this is not funny."

"On the contrary, I think it's rather hilarious. Remember how jealous I used to get, imagining what sorts of things were going on behind closed doors—"

"Han!" Leia scrubbed her face with her hands and shuddered. "Please. I really don't want to think about that."

"Yeah?" Leia felt Han approach her from behind, his breath tickling her neck. "Maybe I can find a way to distract you…"

Leia sighed, letting him kiss her neck…but just for a moment. She spun around and whacked him hard in the chest. "You're such a scoundrel!"

Han smiled, taking it as a compliment. "And you love me for it."

He said it mirthfully, but his words still gave Leia pause. She'd finally accepted her feelings for Han, and yet they still scared and confused her. As if sensing her trepidation, Han lifted her chin to stare into his eyes. "Leia?"

She met his gaze, unblinking. "I really do." She turned away suddenly, settling down on the acceleration couch. She ran her hands absently over the dejarik table, lost in thought.

Han took the seat next to her. "What's wrong?"

"You mean besides the fact that my twin brother once had a crush on me and that Darth Vader is my father?"

"Well, when you put it that way…"

Leia groaned and made to leave the table, unable to deal with her feelings. But Han grasped her arm and forced her to stay seated. "No, you're not leaving. You've got to learn to talk about your feelings, Leia. You're a wonderful woman and I love you more than anything and I can't stand to see you killing yourself like this."

Leia's head snapped up at his words. "You have no idea, Han, so why don't you just shut up?"

"No," Han shook his head, holding her hand tightly. "I can't shut up, not anymore. I can't pretend to know what life has been like for you for the past several years, but I've seen enough to know that you're an empty shell when you could be so much more. You can't let Alderaan keep you from living your life, Leia."

"How would you know!" She gaped at him, furious, incensed that he would accuse her of grieving the wrong way. Nobody else in the galaxy knew what it felt like to have your entire world snatched away by the one person in the universe who was supposed to protect you. "You don't know what it felt like, Han! It was sickening! Nothing I could have done would've changed Tarkin's actions that day but it doesn't matter, not to me! I forced myself to watch while Alderaan was destroyed, I forced myself to keep my eyes open, you know why? Because they deserved it! They were innocent beings, living out their daily lives and they were killed because I just happened to be from the same planet! I'm the one who should've died that day! I wanted to die after that happened! But then you and Luke came to rescue me and I knew that I would live to fight another day, and I owed it to everyone on that planet to see the Empire destroyed!"

"Leia, I understand all that—"

"No you don't! Nobody does! Not Winter, not Tycho, not Rieekan, not anyone else from Alderaan—nobody does! I was sick when Alderaan was destroyed, I felt them all die! I thought it was just a physical reaction but now I know differently, that I felt it all through the Force. I was the reason they all died, and I felt it all happen, and how can I ever allow myself to be happy after that?"

"Because you're still alive, Leia!" Han shouted, practically shaking her. She looked at him with startled eyes but he kept speaking, as if trying to wake her up from a deep sleep. "You're alive, the Force kept you alive to fight on! And how do you think your father would feel about you denying yourself any bit of happiness as penance for that day? How do you think any of them would feel? This isn't about me, or us, this is about you.I want you to be happy. I don't care if it's with me, or Wedge, or Janson, or anyone else—although I hope it's me—the point is that you deserve it, Leia. You deserve to be happy. You've been through enough…it's time to let go."

She stared at him for a long moment, unsure whether she wanted to cry or punch him. In the end, she settled for neither. She glanced down, an odd pit settling in her stomach. "He's not my father."

"What?"

She glanced back up, her gaze harder now. "Bail Organa wasn't my father. Darth Vader is. He gave life to Luke and me and he cut off Luke's hand and he held me in place while my world was destroyed. He tortured me. And he's my father."

She did cry now, unable to hold it in. Han cradled her in his arms, stroking her hair and rocking back and forth. She didn't know if he said any words and she didn't care. It was just too much; the pain she'd held inside for two and a half years was just too much and she had to let it out. All of it.

She didn't know when she finally stopped crying, but when she became aware of her surroundings she realized she was in her bunk on the Falcon, but still in Han's arms. She wiped her eyes and nose before turning to gaze upon his face. "Thank you," she whispered.

He didn't answer right away, merely pressed his lips against her temple. "You're wrong."

She furrowed her brow. "What?"

He placed his hand underneath her chin. "Bail Organa will always be your father."

Since she'd known him, there'd been many times when Han had said or done the wrong thing and she'd wanted nothing more than to punch him. But that was exactly what she needed to hear.

He held her in his arms for a long time and they came to a silent agreement that the conversation was over. While the pain of Alderaan would never truly go away, Leia felt like she was finally beginning to heal. It would take a long time, but now she had a brother to help her in that process.

And she had Han, too.

Han sighed into her hair, pulling back to look at her. "Listen, Leia. I was a fool before, leaving the way I did, but my intentions were good. But I figure now that I'm in the Alliance, I might as well pay off this bounty on my head. You know, moving on and all that."

Out of everything he'd just said, only one part grabbed her attention. "You're in the Alliance?"

Han grinned at her. "Yeah. You've finally worn me down."

Leia grinned back. "See? I knew all my nagging would get through to you someday."

Han laughed and pulled her against his chest. "You all right with this? Really?"

Leia nodded. "I understand. I'll be pretty busy anyway. I figure Luke is gonna want me to train as a Jedi. At least, after we find Mara and all." Her voice hitched in her throat, thinking about her friend, kidnapped by Vader, and the things she had said to Luke… "Maybe you could stay for awhile?" she asked hopefully. "Just until we find her, I mean. We could really use your help, and your connections. And I think Luke really needs you right now."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Of course I'll help look for her."

"Thank you, Han." She ran her hand over his cheek, letting herself get lost in his eyes, and kissed him slowly and tenderly. For so long she'd been holding things in. It was nice to get them out.

In the middle of their kiss, she started laughing. Han pulled away, an insulted look on his face. "Hey, what's that for?"

"Nothing." She tried to stop her laughter but it was pointless. She was laughing so hard she nearly fell out of the bunk. Only Han's strong arms kept her from falling.

"What's so funny?"

The role reversal made her laugh even harder. She managed to compose herself long enough to tell him, "I was just thinking about poor Luke, and the way he used to look at me all the time…"

Han laughed. "Yeah. When Mara gets back, we can all make fun of him together. She'll have a field day."

Leia smiled, sobering slightly. At any other time she would've laughed at her brother's expense but now it felt wrong, being so happy when her brother was going through hell. Part of her screamed to push Han away—that she didn't deserve this.

Han forced her chin up again, and Leia wondered whether or not he was Force sensitive or just really good at reading her. "Luke would want you to be happy."

"But—"

He pressed a finger to her lips. "No buts. Now come on, let me help you forget about your brother ever having a crush on you."

She started giggling again but then Han kissed her, strong and passionate, and she had no more reason to laugh.

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She woke with a start, old assassin's instincts getting the best of her, readying herself for combat. When nothing came, she allowed herself to relax as she gathered a sense of her whereabouts.

She was in a cell of some sort; that was immediately obvious. Feeling against the wall, she determined it was more of a bulkhead than a solid wall, leading her to believe that she was on a ship. Was she still on the Chimaera? No, they'd never allow her to stay on a ship that she knew by name. She must be on another ship then, something with a brig.

But whatever ship she was on, it had to be planetside. She couldn't feel the typical vibrations and noises associated with either the sublight engines or hyperspace travel. That meant she definitely couldn't be on the Chimaera or any other Destroyer. Was she on a smaller ship, then, one that had landed?

She went through her memory, trying to recall the plans to smaller ships. All Imperial ships were designed the same, with the brig located in the center of the ship, preventing an easy escape. Not that most beings could even get out of an Imperial cell, much less escape the ship completely.

But Mara wasn't most beings. She'd been the Emperor's Hand. She'd gotten out of cells just like this as part of her training. All she had to do was gain a sense of time—the soldiers coming in and out, along with the delivery of food, would allow her to do so. She'd regain her strength, pilfer a weapon off one of her guards, and get the hell out of there, using whatever ship she could find to fly away.

And Luke would be able to sense her. He'd come for her, like he had on Cloud City.

Just as she was starting to feel confident that she could escape, the air in the cell grew cold. She drew her arms around her chest to keep from shivering. Her guards must've realized she was awake and started piping in cold air. Of course the Imps would stoop to such barbaric forms of torture.

It was then that she realized exactly where she was. She was in a brig, on a ship that was planetside, in Imperial custody—where else could she be but the infamous Lusankya prison, where captives were tortured and programmed?

There was a laugh, as if someone had heard her thought…

Mara righted herself, eyes darting around the room to find the source of the laughter. It sounded too real to be coming from the comm system. That meant someone was in the room with her, but she hadn't sensed anything through the Force…

She did shiver now, understanding the implications. Only one person in the galaxy could hide his presence in the Force from her. Mara swallowed hard, trying hard not to panic, but she couldn't help herself. She began to shake uncontrollably she realized what was about to happen.

Then she froze as another hoarse chuckle from the corner of the cell captured her complete attention.