Chapter 26
The smell of sizzling eggs filled the lair as Mikey was in the kitchen cooking breakfast. Karai, Leo, Raph, myself, and John were all sitting on the couch waiting patiently for breakfast to be done. We all sat there in silence, listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen until Lily walked in the lair.
" Merry Christmas eve eve eve! Sorry I'm late" Lily shouted as she carried a snowman container in her hands. We had invited John and Lily over to eat breakfast with us. It was about 9 in the morning when Mikey had started cooking breakfast and now it was about nine thirty, so it was okay that Lily was late, " I brought peanut brittle!" I said and lifted up the snowman container.
A very girlish scream came from the kitchen as Mikey came running out of it, "Peanut brittle!" Mikey shouted and ran towards Lily. He grabbed the container out of Lily's hands and nearly knocked her over, "Yum, yum, yummy!" Mikey squealed and threw the lid aside. He reached in for a piece of brittle but Leo ran up and stopped him.
" Not before breakfast Mikey." Leo warned as he put the lid back on the container.
" Please please please please pleeeeaaasssseee!" Mikey got down on his knees and begged. Peanut brittle was Mikey's favourite kind of holiday treat, even though technically it wasn't the holidays.
" No Mikey. Now go finished cooking." Leo grew more stern and glared at Mikey as he sulked back to the kitchen.
Leo handed the brittle back to Lily and both of them went to sit back down. Leo took a seat beside me and Lily beside Raph. John was on the other side of Raph and Karai was at the end of the couch beside John. The two of them had grown close over the pass month or so, it was nice to see John have a liking for something besides comics.
" Hey Raph, you okay? You've been really quiet." Leo pointed out, concerned for his younger brother.
" What I'm not aloud to be quiet?!" Raph snapped and folded his arms over his chest. Lily eyes grew wide with concern and she rubbed Raph's arm. He became less tensed and calmed himself down, "Sorry." He muttered before speaking clearly again, " I-I'm just worried about Donnie. He's been in his lab for days now."
I tensed up a bit. Donnie was in his lab because of me. Guilt stabbed me like a sharp thorn.
"I mean sure he needs some time, but...when will he stop shutting us out?" Raph sounded as if he was about to cry. He obviously was taking it personal that Donnie had locked himself away in his lab.
" Why don't you go talk to him?" Lily suggested kindly.
" Like he'll talk back." Raph huffed.
" Isn't it worth a try?" Lilly added, "Why don't you invite him to breakfast?"
" I guess so." Raph gave in as he got up and walked to Donnie's lab door. Leo and I followed close behind him, "Hey Donnie?" Raph called, " Wa-want to come out and eat breakfast?" Raph paused and looked at Leo then at me. His eyes were round with sadness as he leaned his head and arm against the door, " Please."
No response came from the other side. Hope was fading fast around here. That was, until we heard noise coming from the other side. A few short moments later, the door to his lab slightly slide open. Raph took his arm and head off of the door and looked up, hope now gleamed in his eyes.
The door opened some more until it was fully open and Donnie was standing in the doorway. He looked at Raph then at Leo, but avoided me. I guess I deserved that.
No one said anything. But Raph did rush forward to give Donnie a brotherly hug, but Donnie just moved out of the way and rubbed his arm. Raph looked hurt as Donnie just stared at the ground and continued to rub his arm. No one knew what to say or do next but luckily Mikey's voice rang from the kitchen.
"Breakfast is ready!"
Donnie's head jerked up at Mikey's voice. You could tell by the hunger burning in his eyes that Donnie couldn't wait to sit down and stuff his face with food.
" Come on buddy, let's go eat." Leo smiled at Donnie and Donnie smile back slightly. He, Raph and Leo all walked to the kitchen together. I followed after them but stayed behind a few pastes, I had a feeling Donnie didn't really want to see me right now. Which I guess in a way was a good thing. I had to make Donnie hate me, maybe it worked.
Lily, John and Karai followed behind me and we all took a seat at the table. Well, I didn't take my seat right away, I helped Mikey set the last few dishes on the table. Mikey hadn't realized that Donnie would be joining us for breakfast so he didn't get the extra plate. But when Donnie had entered the kitchen, Mikey's eyes brighten.
So after Mikey and I finished setting up a few extra dishes, we sat down at our regular spots at the table. Except, my regular spot was beside Donnie. So I sat down beside him and I felt him immediately tense up. The awkward tension between us was detectible from across the room, anyone could have notice that.
Mikey served us each two eggs, four pieces of toast and two stripes of bacon. I was never gonna eat all of this, but then again, mutant turtles seem to have more of an appetite then humans. But once we were all served our breakfast and orange juice, we began eating.
It only took me a few bits to realize that Donnie wasn't eating, at all. He did pick up a piece of toast and took a bit, but when he swallowed it, it looked like it was painful. So he put the toast down and continued to stare at his plate.
I looked around the table to see if anyone else noticed but they were all to busy stuffing their faces to realize it. So I just looked back at Donnie. He must of noticed me because he glared at me out of the corner of his eye. I let my gaze drop to the ground.
Is Donnie okay? I thought to myself. I was dying to know if he was alright. I know that probably emotionally he wasn't okay, but what about physically? Why did it hurt so much to swallow? I wanted...needed for Donnie to know that I was worried for him. Sure, I need him to hate me, but I don't want him to think I'm heartless.
I noticed Donnie's hand was near me, only a few inches away. I wanted so much to just reach out and touch, to hold it one more time. Maybe that could be it! My sign to show Donnie that I was concerned for him.
So I slowly reached out my shaking hand and slightly touched his. Donnie tensed up even more, but he didn't move his hand. So I reached in closer and grabbed it. I wrapped my fingers around his and gazed up at him. His eyes stared right into mine, I couldn't help but smile a little bit. Donnie's breaths sped up a bit and his eyes were shifting around.
I was a bit confused by the look of fear and anger in Donnie's brown eyes. He looked down at our hands, holding each other then he looked back up at me. Only a moment or two of silence past between us, all other background noise sounded distant. That was until Donnie violently tore his grip away from my hand and knocked over some juice cups and his plate smashed against the floor, breaking as he stood up. And Donnie's sudden movements made my stool topple over and I fell over with it.
" What are you thinking!?" Donnie shouted at me, enraged, " Taylor, my heart is in pieces because of you! Of what you did yesterday! But now you want to hold hands! You lied to me!"
Yes! Yes I did! Hope suddenly sparked in my system. I did lie to Donnie, I lied about not loving him, I lied about wanting to break up with him. But I had a feeling that Donnie wasn't talking about the same lies.
" Why did you do it!?" Donnie continued to shout, unaware of everyone that was staring at us, horrified, " I thought you loved me! But clearly you don't! Did you ever?!" Tears poured out of his eyes. I hurt Donnie badly.
Yes! I did! And I still do! I wanted to scream my thoughts at Donnie. But I couldn't.
" I-I hate you!"Donnie shouted one last remark but then was so caught up with his emotions that words failed him, he couldn't speak anymore. So he ran away, back to the security of his lab. Overruled with emotions myself, I just sat there on the floor panting. I looked up to find everyone staring at me, waiting for an explanation. Clearly Donnie's little out burst shocked everyone as well.
What was I going to say? How will I explain this? Question after question raced through my mind as my seconds were running out until someone would start asking questions. I stumbled to my feet and ran towards my room. Tears leaked out of my eyes as I toss my curtain inside and sank my face in my pillow.
A cool breeze flew into my room and I knew what was about to come.
Missing accomplished. My inner voice was back, just as I thought. But I was to upset to talk to it right now.
" Go away!" I screamed at it and raked my arm threw the air like I was chooing away a fly or something.
Why? My voice taunted me.
" Because I hate you!" I shouted to nothing. My inner voice sounded like an actual person talking to me, not just in my head.
Hey I didn't make you do anything. It was all you. My voice replied calmly. How could it remain this calm all the time?
" Wasn't me!? How can you say that? If I didn't do this, you were gonna kill them!"
You didn't have to listen to me.
" Your right! And I shouldn't have! I'm going crazy. I listened to a voice in my head! I ruined everything!" Now I was more angry at myself then anyone else. Why would I listen to a voice that suddenly appeared 'in my head' one day? Who does that?
You do that.
" Stop reading my thoughts!" I screamed even louder. There was no escaping this voice. It was driving me crazy. " Get out! get out! get out!" I shouted and raked my fingernails down my head and slid off my bed and onto the floor. I pressed my knees close to my chest and bawled my eyes out with frustration. Except each cry was more like a scream then just faded into an actual cry. A cry for help.
The I realized that my room got warmer. Was my voice gone?
Knock knock knock
I looked up. My curtain was pushed aside and Leo was standing in my door frame knocking. The look on his face told me that he had something to say.
" Taylor?" Leo's voice was soft, but the concern in his ocean blue eyes glowed strong, " Are you okay?"
I just put my head back down on my knees. No, I'm not alright.
Leo must of got my message because when I didn't respond he came and sat down on the floor beside me. We sat in silence for a few moments. I didn't know if I liked having someone with me right now, or if I wanted to be left alone.
"We heard you screaming you know." Leo began talking, "We were worried about you, so I came to check on you. Taylor, who were you talking to?"
I lifted up my head to look at Leo. I could feel my wet tears run down my face and my eyes were red and puffy.
" Just...myself." I responded when I finally managed to calm myself down a bit.
"It didn't sound like you were talking to yourself." Leo pointed out gently. He wasn't being harsh, or mean or over curious. He was being the guy you could always talk to when your in trouble. That's what I love about Leo, he makes you feel like your never alone.
" I was." I set my head on my knees again. I was unable to continue to stare in his hauntingly blue eyes.
"What's wrong?" He asked and lifted up my head. So I was forced to look at him.
I didn't respond right away. I didn't because I didn't know what to say. Everything was wrong with me, with the world.
My lip began to quiver as I thought more and more on what Leo asked me. I let out a little whimper and layed my head on Leo's shoulder. He instantly wrapped his arms around me for comfort. And that's when I decided that I liked having Leo's company right now.
"I messed up." I told him. I was going to have to tell someone at sometime. I couldn't keep these secrets anymore, "Badly."
"How so?" Leo urged me on.
I took a sharp breath in before speaking, "I told Donnie, that I-I think we should break up." I pause to calm myself down, I didn't want to burst into tears again, "I didn't want him to get hurt again, so I told him that we can try to break up for a week. To see how it goes."
" What do you mean get hurt again?" Leo wondered.
"Well it's my fault he got...tortured, in the first place."
It's not your fault Taylor." Leo sat a back. He was looking straight at me with shock.
" Yes it is! Donnie and I got taken on a rooftop. Why were we on the rooftop? I ran out to the roof top to get some air. Donnie goes to that rooftop too. Why did he go there? Because we had a fight, he went there every day after we had our fight. Why did we fight? Because I started it."
"C'mon Taylor I'm sure-" Leo started but I stopped him midway.
"Every reason traces back to me Leo!...It's my fault."
Leo didn't argue. So I continued.
"So we decided to break up for a week. I...um...was counting the days left. But when Lily and I went shopping, I ran away to the rooftops. Things happened," I decided to leave out the part about my 'inner voice' "And then I went to tell Donnie that we should break up for good. And now Donnie hates me and I'm a total wreck"
"Why did you have to break up for good?" Leo wondered. And without thinking, I responded.
"Because the voice told me too."
"The voice? What voice?" Leo stared at me with pure confusion. I knew that I couldn't back down now. I had to tell Leo.
"There was this voice on the rooftop when I ran away...It told me that I have to make Donnie hate me. If I didn't, bad things would happen. Then it showed me this vision of all of you guys dead. So I did what it told me. And now it keeps coming back. That's also who I was talking to." I explain my 'inner voice' situation.
"So you broke yours and Donnie's heart...because a strange voice told you too?" Leo asked disbelievingly.
"Yeah." I laugh when I spoke. It sounded so stupid when I heard it out loud, "What do I do?" I asked pleadingly. I didn't know what was right or left anymore. I wanted to be told what to do, because all the decisions I make lead to horrible disasters.
"Want my opinion?" Leo asked. I nodded my head in response, "Your stupid for listening to a strange voice and should go back to Donnie. Your obviously meant for each other and shouldn't worry about your strange voice. There's always a way to prevent stuff, so I'm sure that we can prevent your vision."
I laughed a little when Leo spoke. I was stupid for listening to a voice that just suddenly appeared one day. But then a horrible realization appeared in my head.
"It's too late. Donnie already hates me. He wouldn't want to get back together...I lost him." I felt the tears rising back inside my throat.
" Taylor. If I know Donnie. He doesn't hate you." Leo laughed.
" Even if he doesn't. What would I say? How could I make it up to him?"
" Just say what comes to you. People don't plan these things, they just...happen." Leo comforted. He always gave great advise.
" I mean, I want to go back to him. I really really do." I swallowed back my tears, "But I don't want to hurt him again. I thought maybe if I waited long enough, the pain will go away, that time would help take it away. But, I was wrong."
" Taylor, go back to him. You need him and he needs you." Leo stated, "Please."
I hesitated for a moment then decided, "Fine. I'll try. But...Give me some time to think about what to say."
Okay." Leo agreed. Then he got up and left the room. I crawled back on my bed and began to plan out what to say. I told Leo that I'll try and I was going to do that. I was going to use this time wisely. Leo left to give me time to think. He left me alone with my thoughts.
Chapter 20...6? 7? I dunno, I even loose track now. Anyway, I have good and bad news. Bad news...this story is almost done. Good news. There WILL be a third story! Yay!...I think. Hoped you enjoyed and please review!
