Jude stirred first, waking to the dimmed light of late afternoon. She felt dazed, almost dreamlike, as she came to. Her blissful disorientation was short lived, though; once she realized a pair of strong arms was wrapped around her waist, her groggy brain quickly caught up, remembering all that happened this morning. Tommy apologized, sort of, and was crying over the loss of their kid. After the way he wrote her off, she honestly didn't think he cared that much about it - or her, for that matter - and now that she knew her pain was being shared, it lessened to a nearly tolerable burden. And she hoped he felt the same ease of weight; despite everything, she didn't want him to suffer, she wouldn't wish what she's been through on anyone.

After a moment, she moved gently against her restraints. Tommy's slight snore indicated he was still deeply asleep, and his limp arms proved it. She slipped away from him easily and quietly patted up the stairs to her bedroom, locking the door behind herself. She knew it was wrong, she knew she learned to behave better than this, but all she wanted was to be away. She didn't want to face Tommy when he woke up, or face the confrontation she knew was coming; the sight of the street from her bedroom window was so tempting, it looked free like the road would take her far away from here if she willed it too.

Jude's resolve was sturdy, though; If the dramatics didn't play out now, they'd just happen later. What's the point of running if you have strings ready to pull you back? "Just one last fight" She whispered to herself as she perched on the corner of her bed "Then it'll all be over." Jude wasn't naive enough to think Tommy actually wanted to give them another shot, not that she wanted to either. All that was needed of her was the little strength she had left to make it through one more argument, then she can go on tour and maybe bum around Europe afterwards, or even Asia. Who said she needed Tommy to go to Thailand?

The clock read three-thirty when she looked. That's seven hours sleep, and that's better than nothing. She put on a pair of blue jeans and pulled the hoodie from her body, replacing it with a navy blue sweater, and idly wondering if Tommy's had the same issues she's had with sleeping. Probably. He looked pretty exhausted this morning.

With that in mind, Jude descended the stairs just as quietly as she ascended them and snuck off to the kitchen; a cranky Tommy won't be any easier to deal with then a well-rested one. Dumping out the now stale coffee, she started a new pot and picked through the leftovers in the fridge. Maybe it won't be so bad, She thought, trying to calm the distress wreaking havoc on her nerves, Maybe, for once, we can sit down and talk calmly like two adults should.

Jude took a scorching swig from her steaming mug, ignoring the burning sensation in her throat, her shoulder propped against the kitchen doorway. She stared at the couch with a shake of her head. After catching Sadie and Darius, she draped a pile of blankets over it and put in an order for a new couch; Sadie called her ridiculous, but how many ways can one be traumatized before it was time to just replace the damn thing? She chuckled silently to herself, Sadie and Darius? Who would've thought...

Tommy muttered under his breath as he rolled onto his stomach and wrapping both arms around a pillow, burying his face in it. Jude smiled at the sound; Tommy denied that he talked in his sleep - even when Jude recorded it, he claimed it false and made an untrue accusation of her having a deafening snore. She ached for those carefree days in their relationship; she'd give anything to have them back. With a longing sigh, Jude finished off her coffee and went to sit on the floor in front of the couch near Tommy's head and began flipping through the latest Billboard magazine.

llllllllllllllllllllllll

Just over an hour later, Tommy's eyes blinked open to the sight of the TV screen displaying a commercial for ringtones and the sunlight glaring through the living room blinds, casting stripes across the living room. He brought his watch to his face and groaned at the time. He was supposed to be at G-major hours ago for Milo's studio time, Darius is gonna be pissed. He turned to his side, awkwardly digging for his phone in his pockets.

"No one's called."

Tommy's actions halted at the sound of her voice, just now realizing where he was and remembering why he came here. Jude's face came into as she leaned against the back of the couch. She nodded toward his cell phone sitting amongst a spread of magazines on the coffee table "I checked, no missed calls."

Tommy reached up and touched her face, "Hi."

Jude cracked a smile, leaning into his touch, "Hey." her skin tingled when he pulled his hand away to turn and stand up "You've been out for a while - eight and a half hours."

Tommy shrugged out of his leather jacket and straightened the rest of his clothes, his voice rough from sleep, "How long did you sleep for?"

"Seven, I think."

Without a second thought, Tommy rounded the couch and enveloped Jude in his arms, kissing the top of her head. Jude's arms laced around his neck, relishing in the warmth and security Tommy always provided. She broke the embrace a moment later, and kept any emotion from slipping through her voice, "Sorry we didn't talk more earlier, I just thought be both needed a rest before getting too deep into it."

Tommy smiled softly and brushed the hair from Jude's face "No, I'm glad we did - we both needed it." Jude nodded, secretly pleased that he's been just as restless as she's been. "You know what this reminds me of?" Tommy asked, his head tilted thoughtfully. Of course Jude knew, "The day I chose you," She answered quietly

Tommy's smile weakened, laced with pain. "Yeah." He forced his voice to sound light, and a playful glare to his eyes, "Only you would drag me out of bed at 7am."

Jude's own smile brightened with amusement, "You answered the door in your boxers with messy hair."

"And you gave me the best news of my life."

"Only for you to go back to bed." Jude breathed a shaky laugh, the pain of the once happy memory catching up to her

Tommy's smile vanished completely, a sad, remorseful expression coming to his eyes, "We spent the day on the couch, sleeping and ordering food, remember?" Jude nodded "I miss that." Tommy concluded

"Me too." Jude's voice a broken whisper, she cleared her throat to gain some clarity, "We need to talk."

Tommy's face flashed reluctance before he silently nodded his head. He followed upstairs, noticing her hesitation before opening her bedroom door. First glance, her room looked messy as usual, second glance was more...startling. It wasn't a mess, it was trashed "What the hell happened here?"

"The result of being sent home." Jude bit harsher than she intended and shrugged "I had a little built up anger."

Tommy toed off his shoes, choosing not to press the issue until he encountered a picture of them within a smashed frame on the floor, "Guess so." He remarked, frowning at their smiling faces in the photograph.

Jude sat on the end of the bed, facing the headboard where Tommy was settling. He stretched his legs out in front of him and playfully poked her with his foot, "Could you get any further away?" He patted the spot next to him "Come here."

Jude paused, considering and then shaking her head, "I don't want to get comfortable" She admitted "I'm scared how you will react."

Tommy's brow furrowed in question, "React to what?"

"Our conversation." Jude sighed, bringing her legs up on the bed, sitting Indian-style "If you get pissed, you'll just push me away, so I'm gonna keep my distance." Her back pressed against the low bed post and her arms crossed over her chest, guarded.

Tommy frowned, "That's fair." He sighed and sat up, mimicking Jude's posture

Jude filtered through the many things she wanted to ask him, searching for the most relevant, but before she could ask anything, Tommy spoke up, "I'm sorry," He started "About...everything. I was a complete asshole to you and you didn't deserve that."

Jude nodded, "No, I didn't." She kept her eyes on the sheets covering her matress and took a long deep breath "But I'm not upset about that - I'm not mad at all, really. I just want to...understand, I guess."

Tommy chewed his cheek, watching her fiddle with the star ring on her finger; the sight of it made him wonder where the ring he gave her went, and when she took it off; the last time he was paying enough attention to notice it, was the night he put it on her. "You didn't leave your ring at the house, did you?" He asked, suddenly concerned and trying to remember if he'd seen it anywhere

"Yeah - but you didn't leave it there." Jude added quickly, seeing the panic rise in his eyes "I put it back in the ring box, in your suitcase."

Tommy relaxed a little, "...When did you-"

"A week after my birthday," Jude touched where the 'reminder of Tommy's love' used to rest on her right ring finger "I didn't believe it anymore." She explained softly "I took it off, and kept it in my pocket...when you didn't notice it was gone, I gave it back."

Tommy shook his head, his eyebrows arched. He couldn't believe he didn't realize it was gone, more so, he hated himself for making Jude believe he didn't love her anymore "How did I miss that?" He questioned quietly, not directing it at Jude, just expressing his disbelief out loud; Jude answered anyway, "You tell me." She hadn't meant for it to sound as demanding as it did

"I'm not going to make excuses." Tommy's murmur was a solemn swear. "Everything that happened was all my fault - regarding us," He added when Jude started to protest, "You were absolutely incredible, and I was horrible to you. I'm sorry." He spoke the last two words slowly and sincerely, slight moisture framing his blue eyes. He griped her chin, raising her gaze to meet his "And I never stopped loving you, Jude."

Jude took a moment to gather her shattered resolve of staying calm and unemotional. When she spoke again, there was only a slight edge to her words, "If that's true-"

"-It is."

"If it is," Jude sniffled against the lump in her throat, "Then how could you just throw me away?"

Tommy's knee-jerk response came to his lips immediately, and he almost muttered the over spoken "It's complicated" before stopping it. His discomfort became obvious as he spoke the truth "I didn't want to hurt you anymore - having you leave was the only way to avoid that." He continued when Jude didn't say anything, "My past haunts me, all the time." He admitted "That place, that house...it made me crazy - even before you got there, I was a mess; smoking weed and getting wasted"

"You did drugs?" Jude asked, distracted, but not really surprised

Tommy nodded his head yes, "Just weed, though. I don't do the hard shit anymore."

"I didn't know you could smoke," Jude muttered, a strange catch to her tone "You told me you tried a cigarette once and hated it...guess I never thought to ask if you tried anything else."

"Sorry I didn't tell you." Tommy apologized, then explained "You had already accepted so much about me, I didn't want to add to that list."

"I would've accepted you anyway." Jude whispered

Tommy tilted his head and reached over to hold Jude's hand, continuing with what he was saying "I went back to my old ways, and one of which was pushing away people I love because I don't deserve them."

Jude ripped her hand away from his, "I'm done hearing that." She said, her eyes turning angry, "I'm not anything special, Tommy - and you're not a monster. We're both just people. Human. We make mistakes and learn from them."

Tommy shook his head, doubting her words with tears coming to his eyes. He choked them back down, wanting to be strong in front of Jude "I haven't learned from anything." He disagreed "I wasn't honest with Angie - I lied to protect my fifteen minutes of fame, and she died. I wasn't honest with you and it almost got you killed by Hunter. I knew my temper was a problem years ago, but I never fixed it. I lost it with you, and almost got you killed again and successfully killed the life inside you - I'm no good for anyone, all I do is cause pain. I'm destructive"

Although all of it was true - except for the last part, but she was done arguing that point with him; he'll never let it go - all she could think was ways of defending him from himself, "You're still learning, Tommy." She whispered, "There's not an easy fix for everything."

Tommy focused on a scratch in the hard wood on the floor, acting like she hadn't spoken "It was wrong to push you away when I did, when you needed me most - when I needed you the most. I thought I was protecting you." He glanced toward her ringless finger and recaptured her eyes, a deep sincerity shining through his own, "But Jude, I will hate myself forever if you truly believe that I don't love you anymore."

Jude started down at her hands, think over he's said; the reason he was so cruel with her was because of old insecurities? It didn't seem like enough of a reason. If he loved her, really loved her, it wouldn't have happened like that only because of a haunting past. "I think you think you love me," She concluded "Or maybe that you want to."

"Jude," Tommy said with an incredulous shake of his head, his breathing staggered with emotion, "You know that I love you," Jude still didn't look convinced so he continued with a slightly desperate edge to his voice, "You're my world, babe. I couldn't live without you."

"I'm sure you'd survive." Jude said, swiping at the tear that fell. The more she thought, the angrier she felt. The cold, careless man who tossed her out was trying to - what? - convince her that he did it all with love? "I must have lost your love somewhere, I mean, I love you. You are my world, And I would never, ever be able to do to you, what you did to me." Keeping the tears at bay was becoming increasingly difficult, so she gave up, letting them fall freely to pool on the legs of her jeans, "I used to think it would be the same if it were me, but I know now that it wouldn't; I love you too much to hurt you - and I loved you enough to let you hurt me."

Tommy's breathing caught and hitched around a sob, "I didn't do it on purpose, Jude. I would never hurt you intentionally, you know that."

"Do I?" Jude asked, bringing her bottom lip between her teeth

"Yes, Jude!" Tommy's expression looked almost offended, "I was stressed and I got caught up in the past, and I was trying to push you away - I know that's a fuckin' pathetic excuse, but it's the truth! It was nothing you did and it certainly wasn't because I stopped loving you."

"Sure." Jude whispered patronizingly

"It's true." Tommy couldn't believe what he was hearing. How, after all that he's done, after the thousands of times he's told her 'I love you' does she not believe it? Was he really that horrid to her?

Jude dried her face with the sleeve of her sweater and put across her flat belly "We can't ever go back, can we?"

"What do you mean?"

"Back to what we were" She explained "You don't think you're good enough to be with me, and I can't just sit around waiting for you to change your mind - I'm heartbroken enough."

"I don't know if we'll ever be what we were."

Jude's face crumbled, full on crying now, "What made you hate me so much? What did I do, Tommy?"

"You didn't do anything - It was all me, Jude." Tommy moved closer and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his lap. Jude more than willingly buried her face against his neck. Tommy held Jude tight, tucking her head under his chin and rubbing her back, whispering soft, loving words. Jude settled in his arms, allowing the comfort she's been dying for. Mere hours ago, all she could think about was running from him, now she feared that she'd always come running back, no matter what he did.