Chapter Twenty Eight
I'm not sure what it is that wakes me...maybe it's cause I was sitting on a bench, or maybe it was the smell, or the spray, or the rocking that the waves made. Or maybe it was because I suddenly knew Cloud wasn't beside of me.
All I know is that I wake slowly, with salt crusted to my eyelashes, and sticky cheeks from the ocean spray blowing off the wind.
I stand, my legs still weak from the harrowing day, and I push the cuffs of Cloud's jacket past my hands. The railing gives a generous view of a cloudless sky full of glittering stars.
Stars.
Stars.
I feel an unconscious smile spread on my lips as I tilt my head back, tracing old but familiar constellations, whispering their names on my lips. They linger there like old friends waiting for my return. The ocean is black, and I can barely see the froth of the waves from the small light on the deck. I only glance momentarily to notice the few people scattered up and down the railing before I turn my gaze back to nature. I love the sound of the ocean, and I close my eyes, relaxing to the waves.
I never knew when I'd see the ocean again. I almost thought I never would. This is beautiful. This is heaven.
I could fall asleep again.
"Tifa."
I jerk, glancing to my right. Cloud stands there, his blue eyes glowing, holding two steaming cups.
I take one, sipping it gratefully; hot chocolate.
He studies me closely, and it's only then I remember I must look like death warmed over. I try to smooth my hair, dried with sweat, and now caked with sea spray. It probably looks like a bird's nest.
Cloud catches a strand of my hair, pushing it behind my ear. I freeze. I still haven't forgotten earlier today when he nearly went insane at the news of Zack's death. What happened? What made him come back to me?
I open my mouth to try and form words as his fingers linger at my cheek, but he suddenly jerks, as if remembering something.
"Your stomach."
I blink. "Oh. I had forgotten about that." I pull his jacket back, staring at the shirt. A bit of blood has seeped into the fabric, but I can tell it stopped bleeding a while ago. "It's fine."
"No. Come on."
He grabs my hand and pulls me into the interior of the ship. There are more people in here, but still not a lot. No one notices us as we pass; they're all too intent on their own journeys. Cloud glances around in a hallway, before pulling us both into a bathroom marked 'women'. Inside he checks the stalls before flipping the lock on the door. I walk over to the mirror while he does this, and take off his jacket and then untie the makeshift bandage.
I wince, studying the scabbed cut and the dried blood around it. It looks worse than it feels. I've had worse, especially on my stomach.
As I wet the shirt and begin to dab the blood away I remember I have no clothes. I have nothing. No money. Nothing. I almost start to hyperventilate. In my excitement of leaving the city I forgot that Marlene and Barret have no clue where I am. What if they're freaking out? What if–
"It's ok."
I glance up in the mirror, catching his eyes. I realize I'm staring at the mirror in shock, not cleaning my wound anymore.
I shake my head, dabbing at the dried blood again. "Right. Of course. It's just...Barret and Marlene..."
"Aeris will tell them you're ok."
I glance at him. "So you do know..."
"Yes."
I look back down at my wound so I can keep my bravery. I know I hate Midgar, but I just got uprooted in an attempt to prevent me from becoming an experiment.
"How did...you know where to find me? Why did you come to the church?" I look up, locking eyes with him. "Why did you come back for me? I can't be more important than Zack."
Cloud looks down quickly, and even though it feels like it has been years since I found out about Zack's death, it's still fresh in his memory. I feel like an ass for being so blunt.
"It's not...that either one of you...were more important...I just..." He looks up, finding his voice. "I stopped at the church because I saw the truck. I was on my way home."
"The motorcycle?"
He shrugs. "I only use it for missions, or when I have to do deliveries in the city."
"And...after? How did you find me?"
He sighs, looking away again. "I was...determined to leave the city. And...I was determined to not believe you...that..." He cuts off, pressing his lips tightly together. "Sephiroth called me."
"Sephiroth?" I ask, confused. I've never even spoken to the man.
"Well...Angeal called Sephiroth, and he called me."
"Oh." I understand immediately. "I guess...you heard about my outbreak then."
"Yea. He said Tseng was there, and that something you said about Zack's death made him nervous...or curious. He called another Turk."
"Cissnei."
Cloud nods his head. "Reeve called too. I knew you couldn't be too far...and then the shuriken."
I nod my head slowly, processing all this. It still didn't explain why he came back. "But...why did you come back?"
"Because...I knew Tseng figured something out. I knew that Hojo..." He grimaces, not finishing. "And Sephiroth told me he was dead."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
I stare at the bloodied shirt, and my relatively clean stomach. I've caused too much trouble for him. I sigh, tossing the shirt into the waste basket and zip the jacket up.
I pick at my nails as we stand there in silence for a moment. I open my mouth, hesitating. It's still fresh, I tell myself, but I can't just let him close it all in and hold it to himself.
"Cloud I'm sorry."
He looks at me in the mirror but I don't lift my eyes to meet his. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you...that I couldn't tell you. I didn't want to hurt you...I...I didn't want you to live like me...knowing that everyone will die, and how they will die. I just...I couldn't...I wouldn't do that to you. I understand if you hate me for it...but...I was just doing what I thought was best. I'm sorry. I am so sorry that I can't ch-change anything."
Useless.
Useless.
Zack is dead. Useless.
He hugs me when I start to cry, and I let these tears be shown because it's for Zack, and because Zack was his best friend, and I want him to know it's ok to mourn. That if he's going to mourn he needs to do it the right way. And because I know he hugs me more than just to comfort me, but because I know he needs it too right now.
So I turn and I hug him back fiercely, and soon my tears have stopped and I hold the man that I'm in love with as he stands there, weak and defeated, at the threshold of his best friend's death.
xxx
I'm awake when we drive off the ferry, but I don't remember much after that. Time passes in blue and yellow blurs. Cloud is a constant; the motorcycle is a constant. The noise is practically like my heartbeat by the time we stop. I have heard it for so long now, when it stops it is too quiet. It wakes me slowly, and my face is still pressed against Cloud's back. If it weren't for this helmet I'd probably have ridge marks in my face from his shirt.
The biting cold is the next thing I notice. It seeps up the sleeves of his jacket, and my legs burn. Cloud sits completely still, and I wonder if he's fallen asleep.
There is snow on the ground everywhere, and I hug his body tighter; he always has this uncanny amount of body heat. I heard a rumor once that SOLDIERs ran a higher body temperature than regular people, because of the mako. He's like my own personal heater.
"Is this the right place?"
I shiver, my teeth chattering. "What?" My voice cracks, croaking with disuse.
"Do you recognize it?"
I glance around me more closely, at the opening located in the middle of a forest. It seems...unnatural. As if there were once trees here, but something, someone, cut them down. My eyes travel down to my feet, where beneath the frosty ice and snow are bricks laid out in a path...bricks worn with time and abuse, some missing and coming up from the path. I follow the bricks before they disappear back under the snow, and they take my eyes to a burned tree.
No.
And slowly, the charred skeletal remains of Nibelhiem's houses began to take shape from the forest; what was blending in is now sticking out like sore thumbs. I can see the houses in my memory. I know exactly where I am.
"The well..." I whisper, whipping my head around.
It's lying on the ground, half burned and coated with snow. Icicles hang from the gaping opening. I stand slowly, my legs shaking from shock as I walk over to the well, running my hands over the rotting wood. I snap one of the giant icicles from the opening, twisting it in my hands as it numbs my fingers.
I look back at Cloud, and he's looking at me now.
"I..."
But I can't think of that right now. Instead I run up the street, dropping the icicle, through the snow drifts. I hear Cloud get off the motorcycle behind me, but I don't turn. Instead I keep running up the street until I reached the particular remains of a house. My house. My father's house. Now my matchstick house, burned to shards, and left standing like a broken memory.
I don't know what I think I'm going to find. There is only the blackened wood just like the other buildings. No building is whole. I touch the charred beams, and it creaks beneath my fingers. I lift my fingers back, blackened with soot; the Turks did their job thoroughly, I think bitterly.
I shake the thought from my mind though, turning away from the house. I walk slower up the street until I reach the end where the little graveyard is. I know exactly where to go, even though all the gravestones have been overtaken with vegetation now dead. Some of the stones are broken, and lying in sad piles of rubble. It's hard telling if that happened during the fire, or just from age or animals. I maneuver around the graves to the left side. My mother's grave is simple, but it too has been covered with dead vines, and grass that grows nearly as tall as my waist.
I feel the air burn my lungs as my breath quickens, and I fall to my knees, ripping the vines away from the gravestone.
It is untouched, the same as I left it except for a bit of weathering around the edges.
I clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from crying. There is no gravestone beside of her for my father...my father so intent on dying in the place that he loved his wife. So intent on dying in the first place.
I can't believe he brought me here. I can't believe he found it. Nibelhiem was erased from maps four years ago. I can't believe...
I close my eyes, sighing.
I sit there for a moment, breathing in the smell of my childhood home, tainted with burnt wood. There was so much life lost here, and for what? For twisted experiments driven by the whims of a mad man? Cetra...Wutai...ShinRa...it's all connected, but in the worst way possible. How did we get here? What happened to sensible people, doing the right thing? We all make mistakes, I've made mistakes, but no one should die for a person's mistake. No one should have to suffer at the hands of another.
But that is human nature, in its truest form, and there is nothing I can do to change that. I've seen more cruel deaths than anyone deserves to, and I couldn't change them. I couldn't stop the innocent from dying.
I can't stop Cloud from dying.
Cloud.
Then I sigh again, and I stand, folding my hands into the pockets of Cloud's jacket.
He has no place here almost. I remember how he said his mother had ben from Nibelhiem. He could've died in this fire had she stayed here.
I turn slowly, walking past him as snow begins to fall. Snow. I haven't seen it in so long. I want to enjoy it but I can't; my heart is full of melancholy. I walk back down the street to the motorcycle, and the fallen well. Cloud follows behind me slowly.
I don't get on the motorcycle when we reach it, and Cloud waits for me. I almost wish he wouldn't; I feel like he's done so much for me, and sacrificed so much of his life just to save mine that I don't deserve this patience or kindness.
I turn, looking at him. He stares at me with his blue eyes, snowflakes captured in his hair, and he looks like an angel with his pale skin and blonde locks.
I suck in air between my teeth, and the cold starts to set into my limbs.
"Thank you...for bringing me here. I needed this. Closure."
He doesn't move, and I feel some unnamed feeling swell into my chest, overwhelming me.
He is too good to me. I need to make sure this is real. I need to make sure that I actually have this.
I take two quick steps to him and wrap my arms around his neck as tight as possible, and kiss him. Snowflakes melt on his hot cheeks and shoulders, and I feel the cold already melting away from me as I kiss him.
He wraps his arms around me after a moment; I think he had almost been afraid to touch me before, but now he's for certain I won't break.
Don't leave me...don't leave me don't leave me please please please just stay here with me.
I don't know what I hear, but it is every truth I hold in my heart. He is all I have now...him with his blue eyes and hot skin, and the wonderful, hidden beauty of his mind that he closes up so the world won't hurt him.
He is spoiling me.
I break the kiss slowly. I am warm now though I feel a crown of snowflakes on my head.
And I stare into his eyes because I realize it is true.
As snowflakes fall around him in lazy drifts I think it occurs to him too. He is all I have.
But that's okay. That's more than okay.
A/N: ah, poor Tifa. Poor Cloud. ZACK! Why did I kill you?! Oh wait, now I know why. Sorry. I love tragedies, I love writing tragedies, but they're so sad! But then I guess I wouldn't be very good at my job if I didn't make them sad... Originally the last line was "Because he's all I need, too." But when I read back over it, I didn't like it. I mean, she needs Barret and Marlene too. Don't get me wrong I'm sure she's perfectly happy with just Cloud, but ya know what I mean? W/e I'm weird.
Anyone else notice the extreme funkness of FFnet lately? Glad I'm not the only one. I felt like some kid excluded from a club house. Boo.
Thanks to Valentine's Ninja, Isrka Revoir (seriously...his timing is OOC) SugarHoney91, FF009 (LOL lying jerk, that made my day) animelove0713, zaz9-zaa0, City of Dis (Of course...flat hair. Why didn't I think of that? Poor Sephy...but didn't you know that's why he killed Aeris? She stole his bangs) koalababy, HisaAngel, vx-Luna-xv, MyfinalfantasyVII, zenbon zakura, ClotiNotCleris, Pink Priestess (I like your suspicion. Stay on your toes...that's the best policy) Mrs. MaxiStrife, EmeraldoftheFlame, Creative Spark (No zack means everyones sad. I'd be sad if I didn't like Zack. I can't imagine anyone NOT like Zack) greeneyes322, Rend (yeah, I don't know...I think I have to be in a certain mood to write a fight scene, ya know? You always give the best compliments, thanks Rend) Fire Behind Your Eyes (EW EXAMS! Why do you mention the forbidden word?! Dangit, now I have too) ChieriAn9el, KCVII, punkiemonkie (I have no idea what I'm going to do with my void once I finish Diaries LOL It's purely coincidence that CLoud and Tifa of DOABM and Cloud and Tifa of SS ended up in Nibelhiem in the most recently updated chapters LOL. I had this written out long before the Diaries chapter, but it just worked out that weird. WEIRD.)
