(Eli's POV)

I haven't been to school ever since Monday. I faked being sick and my parents bought it. They didn't believe me but still bought it. I did throw up a couple of times but we all pretended it was because I had stomach flu and not a hangover. We have this sort of communication where we can lie and BS things all we want, but we know the truth. Except they don't know the reason why I'm miserable. They probably think it's still about Julia. But it isn't, now I've lost more than the one I loved. And I didn't even think that would be possible.

Adam was the best friend a guy could ever have. It didn't matter if he's physically a girl or not, he was still my guy. We had a lot of things in common like comic books and music but it was mainly because we knew the feeling of never fitting in with the rest of the world. He never turned his back on me but I definitely stabbed his. His and Clare's.

She's now permanently damaged and it's my fault. I was the reason she almost got raped. I made her feel pain she never deserved. Me. I always have to hurt the girls I care about. Now Julia's dead and Clare's traumatized. I can't look at myself in the mirror. I'm absolutely disgusted with who I am and what I did.

I would've gotten rid of anyone who hurt Clare or Adam. And now that is exactly what I'm going to do.

As I heard my parents leave the house, I went for my drawer. Inside, was a loaded handgun my dad had under his and Mom's bed. I grabbed the gun and pointed it at my head. I blasted "Don't Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster and let it ride. I planned to pull the trigger when the bridge of the song ended. I didn't write a suicide note only because I didn't want to cause anymore damage to this world and that's not how Eli Goldsworthy rolled.

I started saying my mental goodbyes as the song went on. That is until I felt a knock on my door.

"Eli, it's Adam. Please let me in," he muffled through my door.

"How'd you get in?" I asked.

"Your father forgot his wallet and came back for it. We coincidently met up and he let us in," Adam said.

"Us?"

"Clare and I. We're really worried about you and we really need to talk and sort this out," Adam did sound really worried. But I couldn't harm him and Clare anymore.

"Sorry, I'm busy!" I yelled. The door tried to open but it was locked.

I heard muffles through the door as the song carried on. Then all of a sudden, the door opened. How did they figure out the combo was the date of Julia's death?

"ELI!" Clare gasped while Adam looked horrified.

"Put the gun down!" Adam demanded.

"No! Get any closer or I'll shoot," I yelled back. They wouldn't have cared anyway but somehow, they seem to remain still.

The bridge started.

"Please, don't do this. You don't need to do this!" Clare tried to reason yet she was sounding half-hysterical.

"I've already done irremovable to enough innocent people. I can't do it any longer," I started crying.

"Killing yourself won't do anything. Innocent people always get hurt, it's the way life goes," Adam argued. Clare started crying and tried to get closer to me but I had a tight grip on the gun which made her stop. She fell to her knees and Adam stood there, helpless. Thank you for being in my life.

"Not if you can control it. I'm sorry for everything." I heard Clare scream while Adam came runnning towards me but tripped. The bridge was coming to an end which means I needed to come to mine.

I pulled the trigger.