Chpt. XXVIII: Destiny

Richard stood outside of the apartment & stared at the front door. His palms were sweaty & his fingers were slightly trembling. He knew he needed to get a grip on his anxiety, but there were moments when he just couldn't calm himself. He only knew of one person that ever calmed his nerves, but he wasn't sure if he should see her. After all that had happened, it probably wasn't the best time to talk to her. Richard sighed, glancing down both ends of the hall. He could leave before anyone knew he stopped by Barbara's home.

Richard was about to turn from the front door to leave when he heard the door crack open. Richard glanced back to find Barbara peeking from around the edge of the door. "Dick?" she said softly. "What...what are you doing here?"

Richard bit his lip. "I...was in the neighborhood."

Barbara arched her eyebrow at Richard. "Dick, I heard you pace back & forth outside my door for, like, fifteen minutes now," she said. "Is everything alright?"

Richard stared down at Barbara, whose large blue eyes gazed up at Richard with a sort of concern, but yet, a sense of hostility as well. Part of Richard knew that Barbara didn't want to see him, but...so much had happened in that week. Richard needed a familiar face. He needed Barbara. "Can I come in?"

Barbara eyed Richard for a moment, then sighed. "Of course," she said. She wheeled herself away from the doorway, allowing Richard to walk inside. "I'm sorry. I should've let you in as soon as I heard you."

Richard shrugged off the remark, then glanced around the apartment as Barbara shut the front door. It had been a long time since he had been in Barbara's apartment. Everything was neat & organized, almost to the point of borderline OCD. Richard was never really bothered by it when they were together. Barbara was always like that; meticulous in certain aspects of her life, & very punctual. She was a smart girl, raised by a good man, & she never stooped below pure efficiency. She was the best in school. She even offered to tutor Richard when she first met him. Her intelligence was something that made Barbara stand out to him.

Richard reached for a framed photograph hanging on her wall near the living room. It was a photograph of her father & her mother on their wedding day. Richard could help but think back to his short-lived marriage with Barbara in the alternate reality. "I like this picture," he said.

Barbara rolled beside Richard & glanced at him, then up at the photograph. "Yeah, my dad wanted me to keep something to remember her by. I decided to take the one photo that would let me remember them both." Barbara sighed. "After what happened to me, I realized that he's being put in the same risk every night, stopping crime in Gotham. The only difference is he's got the boys in blue behind his back."

Richard nodded, agreeing with what she was saying. The both of them knew the dangers of doing what they do first hand. It was just as Harper had told Richard. They may not get out of the game alive.

Barbara sighed with a smile, continuing to photograph. "That photo isn't just a reminder, though. It's...also a goal for me."

Richard laughed softly. "A goal?" he said. "What, for you on YOUR wedding day?"

Barbara eyed Richard for a moment, shrugging. "Is that so crazy?" she said. "I mean...it'd suck to not walk down the aisle, but, hell, I'd get to roll down to the altar looking fine as hell." Richard bursted out into a stifled laugh. Barbara scoffed at this outburst, then crossed her arms over her chest. "What's so funny about that, Grayson?"

Richard shook his head, finally calming down. "I'm sorry, that came off more rude than I meant." Richard let out a deep breath, laughing softly for a moment, then turned to Barbara. "It's just that...your dad's mustache is NOT goals."

Barbara glared at Richard, then turned back up to the photograph, then snickered to herself. "Oh my gosh, you're right, his mustache was awful."

"God awful," Richard said. "A complete travesty." The two laughed for a few moments, then Richard broke into the laughter. "Your dad rocks it now, though."

Barbara smiled. "Yeah, Dick, keep smooth talking your way into dear old dad's heart. He's always gonna have a soft spot for you."

Richard bit his lip at the remark. Despite her casually playing off his relationship with Gordon, Richard knew that things were still tense between the two because of Barbara's chair. In fact, Barbara knew that just as well as anyone else. However, seeing as it had been a few years since the incident, perhaps Gordon was starting to put the blame aside. Richard would need to reach out to Jim soon.

Barbara cleared her throat, then gestured to her living room. "Make yourself at home. I'll get you something to drink."

Richard smiled. "Sure," he said. He walked over to the couch & sat down in front of the coffee table. He noticed the way the living room was set up; one long couch facing the table & the balcony, with two recliners on either side, & a large open space between the couch & the balcony. Richard glanced over at Barbara, who had wheeled into the kitchen. He surveyed the rest of the apartment, noticing large open spaces between everything. Barbara was able to move around well enough in the apartment. He smiled. He was glad she managed alright so far.

"Water?" Barbara called from the kitchen.

Richard scratched his head nervously. "I, uh...was actually hoping you might have something...strong."

Despite not being able to hear or see Barbara from behind the kitchen wall, Richard could merely feel the sense of judgement coming from her. Richard rubbed his face with his hands as Barbara wheel back into the living room. She had two glasses in her lap. She wheeled passed the couch, to a small shelf she had next to her bedroom door. She reached up for a glass bottle & set it down on her lap. She wheeled back around the couch, making her way towards the open space in front of the coffee table. She set her glass down on the table, then opened the glass bottle. She poured the dark liquor into her glass, then poured it into the other glass. She handed the second glass to Richard. Barbara smiled softly at Richard. "It's the good stuff."

Richard arched his eyebrow at the redhead, then brought the glass up to his lips, drinking the liquor. The warm liquid coursed over his tongue, sending a burning sensation down his throat, into his chest. He knew the feeling too well, having shared drinks with his father back in the circus, & sharing drinks with Bruce, of course. The burn in the chest was always something Richard looked forward to. It was like a reminder to him that he was still alive.

Barbara cleared her throat after taking a sip from her glass. "I know you didn't come all the way out here to share a drink with me."

Richard smirked at Barbara. "Maybe I did."

Barbara rolled her eyes at this, then shook her head. "Dick...Tim called." At this, Richard's heart skipped a beat. What did the young boy tell Barbara? "Tim said that you would be coming to see me soon. He said something happened at Wayne Manor." Barbara leaned close, looking Richard right into his eyes. "Dick, what happened up there?"

Richard bit his lip, breaking away from Barbara's gaze. He couldn't bear to look her in the eye as he felt tears well up in his own. He stared down into his glass instead, seeing his own broken reflection in the dark liquor. "I didn't want to be totally sober when we brought him up again."

"Who, Tim?" Barbara asked.

Richard shook his head. "Bruce. I mean Bruce." Richard watched as Barbara's eyes widened at the sound of the billionaire's name. "You've been wondering where he's been, right? You, along with Alfred, & Tim & I, have been scared out of our minds during this crisis, wondering where Bruce went during all of this."

Barbara shook her head. "He was working on this, wasn't he?" she said. "The invasion, these aliens, wasn't he there?"

Richard scoffed. "Babs, you were here when the Dominators showed up! They were storming down your streets while everyone evacuated the city, & the Batman wasn't in sight." Richard shook his head, feeling his voice break. "No, I was here. Me & the Titans were here." Richard bit his lip, looking up at Barbara. "Babs...Bruce is gone."

Barbara stared at Richard, waiting for him to say something. Perhaps she was waiting on him to smile & crack a joke. Perhaps she was waiting on him to smirk & say something cool & calming, brushing off the sudden serious devastating news. Instead, he just stared back, lips trembling as the tears welled up in his eyes began to drip. Suddenly, Barbara wheeled herself away from the coffee table, making her way around the recliner, over to Richard's side. She hoisted herself off of her seat, to Richard's surprised, & managed to place herself onto the couch next to Richard. Her limp legs hung over the edge of the couch lifelessly. Barbara turned to Richard, her eyes even closer to his now. She placed her hand over Richard's on his lap, her touch soft against his. "Dick," she breathed, "what...what do you mean, 'gone?'"

Richard sighed, shaking his head. "I'm...not sure. I think he's gone." Richard took one more sip from his glass, then set it down. He rubbed his face with his hands for a moment, then exhaled, releasing a deep, warm breath. "According to Clark Kent...or, at least, a version of him, Bruce & the rest of the Justice League were aboard the Mothership."

Barbara shook her head. "I'm...sorry, did you say 'a version' of Clark?" she asked. "What...what does that mean?"

"A parallel Earth," Richard explained. "I dunno. It's something that's got to do with this thing called the multiverse. It's...it's not important right now." Richard ran a hand through his hair, feeling his chest burn as his heartbeat began to grow rapid. "He's gone, though. He was on that ship, & as far as I know, nobody else made it off of that ship. The Dominators were experimenting on the metahumans in the League, but those that were human, like Bruce, they killed them. Bruce...either fought his way for a while, or they killed him as soon as they caught him."

Barbara shook her head. "I don't understand. How-"

"It was Clark," Richard said. "Superman. Or, I dunno, Superman from another dimension. He travelled here to help fight off the Dominators, but, he was overwhelmed when he tried saving the League. He's not sure Bruce made it."

Barbara scoffed. "Dick, I'm not going to lie, this sounds like a load of bull," she said. "You're saying Superman from an alternate reality told you all of this? What makes you so sure he was even telling the truth? How do you know he was even really Superman?"

Richard turned to Barbara, seeing her blue eyes almost glare at Richard. She didn't want to believe it anymore than Richard did, but...what was the point of holding onto hope? "Alfred ran a DNA scan. He's...he's who he said he was."

Barbara's eyes were beginning to fill with tears under her glasses. Her lips trembled as she continued to frown at Richard. "Wouldn't Alfred be able to track down the Batsuit? I mean, Bruce installed trackers on all of our suits. I know he put one on himself too, right?"

Richard shook his head. "Barbara, I'm sure that's what Al has been doing ever since Bruce left with the rest of the League."

Barbara's eyes widened. "The League," she said. "You can track the League from the Watchtower's database."

Richard shrugged. "The Watchtower, the Hall, it's all gone."

Barbara stared at Richard, arching her eyebrow. "Gone?"

Richard nodded. "Just...gone. The Hall of Justice is gone, like it never existed. I thought it was destroyed or something, but, then I tapped into the Batcomputer's system & tried to see if I could track the League from there. The Justice League files were gone, Babs. They virtually doesn't exist anymore."

Barbara's eyes finally glanced away from Richard. She stared down into space as her fingers began to tremble softly. Her legs still hung over the couch edge, but her arms twitched over her thighs. It had happened a few times since the accident, & it was nothing alarming, but at a moment like this, Richard couldn't help but feel nervous. Barbara finally turned back to Richard. "He's gone?" she asked as her voice broke, fighting tears.

Richard sighed & nodded solemnly. "Y...yes."

Barbara's eyes were welling up. She removed her glasses, but they slipped from her trembling fingers, falling between her legs onto the ground. Barbara looked down at the glasses, & finally, tears fell from her eyes. "This wasn't supposed to happen," she said.

Richard looked up at Barbara. She sighed, rubbing her face with her hands, then shook her head. "Bruce was the Batman. THE Batman. He was always prepared. He was always on guard, always taking point on every mission. He...taught you & me to be better than that." Barbara turned to Richard. Tears were now streaming down her cheeks. "Dick, he trained us for hours every day of our childhood to prepare us for whatever might come. He was broken, & he broke us too, but dammit, he knew what he was doing. We grew, & we were better for it, but only because HE taught us to be like that. He taught us to be strong, & to be smart, & to keep getting up when we were brought down..." Barbara's voice trailed off as she began to gaze into nothingness. Richard reached for her hand, bringing her back reality. "How could he have lost?"

Richard shook his head. She was right about it all. The Batman stood for many things, but aside all of the fear that the name evoked in the criminals of Gotham, he was a hero that still fought for the people. He was a protector of citizens. Now the world was an entire hero short. In fact...it was a few heroes short, now that the League was gone as well. But Gotham had lost its Dark Knight. Richard had lost a father.

Barbara sighed. "You know...it's crazy," she started. "I wasn't religious growing up. Going to an all-girl elementary school didn't do it for me. It wasn't my mom dying that made me believe in God. It wasn't even me putting on the mask & getting shot. It...it was everything after that." Barbara turned to Richard, staring back into his eyes. "I would pray before going to bed every night. I didn't pray for my father. I didn't pray for my mother. I never prayed for myself to heal. I never even prayed for Gotham to get better. I only prayed that I'd see you again. You, Bruce, Tim, & Jason. I prayed to see all of you...my boys. I prayed every night that we would all be together again one day. It...it's all really want anymore. After all that's happened, it's all I could want." Barbara shook her head. "Now he's gone, & I just...don't think it's ever going to happen."

Richard bit his lip, rubbing his hands together nervously. He knew he had to tell Barbara what had happened. It was important that she knew. However, he knew he couldn't tell many others. If criminals found out that the Batman was dead, they would begin to wreak havoc in Gotham & take advantage of the missing League. He would have to keep the Bat's death a secret from the public. People would notice, though. People would realize that Gotham is missing a Dark Knight, & that nobody was watching over them. Somebody had to uphold the mantle & carry on the duty as the Batman.

Richard turned to Barbara. "There's something else," he said softly.

Barbara scoffed. "Who else is dead?" she asked.

Richard shook his head. "No, it's not that." Richard reached for his glass to take one last sip before finishing his liquor. He swallowed the burning drink, then spoke. "Clark showed me something that Bruce hadn't showed anybody. It was...his contingency plan." Richard shut his eyes, seeing the Batsuit in his head. "Bruce had designed something for me to use in case he ever vanished or died. Apparently Clark was the only one who knew about it, & Bruce entrusted Clark with the protocol data. He...he wanted me to become the Batman."

Richard felt Barbara's eyes staring at him. Her hand reached over to Richard's arm, providing a comforting touch. Richard's sighed, then looked down at Barbara. "Part of me still hates him. I know, it's dumb, & it's petty, but it's true. Part of me despises him. It isn't because of the intense training we endured to be taken underneath his wing. It's all of the pain he put us through when the mask came off that broke me. It broke Jason…& sooner or later, it was going to break Tim. I hate him for that." Richard shook his head, rubbing his face with his eyes. "Part of me is just afraid, too. I'm afraid I won't be strong enough to be the Bat. I don't...I don't have the same mindset as him. That thing that drives the Bat to sacrifice everything for the sake of the mission, that ruthlessness, it's just...it's not me. I'm...not worthy of being the Bat."

For a moment, the two sat in silence next to one another. It wasn't until Barbara leaned closer to Richard that their silence broke. "Dick," she breathed, "why did you leave Gotham?"

Richard turned to Barbara & arched his eyebrow. He thought about the question. It had been so long since the day he fled to Metropolis to ask Clark for guidance. It was then that he decided to leave Gotham to become Nightwing, but...why did he leave in the first place? Richard cleared his throat. "Bruce was...was losing himself. After Jason, he began to fall into depression & alcoholism. That, &...everything that went wrong with the Titans, it...it drove me away."

Barbara shook her head with a faint smile. "Dick, you were searching for your own destiny," she said. Barbara reached for Richard's hand & squeezed it. "You said you wanted to get out of Gotham to become your own man, your own hero. You wanted to stand up for what YOU believed in, & leave behind all that the Bat taught you." Barbara brought a hand up, gesturing towards the window. "That's why you left Gotham. You became Nightwing, & you invoked a different kind of heroism into the city that you couldn't before. You chased that destiny all the way to Blüdhaven, & you didn't look back."

Barbara reached up to Richard's face & placed her hand on his cheek, turning him so he could face her. "Now, Richard Grayson, you can still be your own man," she said. "You can still make your own destiny, but it has to be YOUR decision. You can use your beliefs to change what the Bat represents, & become the new Batman...or you could let the Bat die." Richard felt his chest tighten at the words, but Barbara smiled, making the feeling go away. "It's not a bad thing, Dick. Some things have to die, &...that's okay. We've done our duty for our home, & we owe it to ourselves to let the Bat become a symbol for others to take upon themselves."

Richard let the words sink in, considering Barbara's suggestion. He could become the Batman, & save Gotham under his own terms. He could provide a new sense of hope, different than what the Dark Knight represented. He could become the guardian angel that Gotham deserved. If he didn't...the Bat's death could bring on a new revolution of vigilantes, saving Gotham in the name of the Bat. Richard could finally take a leave of absence from Gotham for good. He could finally become his own man, like he wanted.

Richard felt himself laugh softly. "You know," he started, "when I first left Gotham to become Nightwing...I almost wanted to give it up altogether." He turned to Barbara, who's big blue eyes stared up at him. "I wanted to become...normal again."

Barbara smiled softly. "Normal?"

"Yeah, normal." Richard sighed, rubbing his hands over his thighs. "I actually...saw a little bit of what that'd be like, up on the Dominator ship."

"You never explained what happened up there when they abducted you," Barbara said.

Richard shrugged. "They...probed me. They observed me & studied me, trying to see I was capable of enduring pain like metahumans or something."

Barbara gasped softly. "My gosh, Dick."

Richard nodded. "It was weird for a while...I was really scared. More scared than I had ever been, I think. But then it all went away, & I was in a valley watching the stars with you."

Barbara's eyes shot wide open. "Me?"

Richard nodded with a smirk. "Yes, you. We...we were married, I think."

Barbara stared at Richard & suddenly her lips grew into a frown. "Are you messing with me?"

Richard shook his head. "Why would I mess with you? No." Richard sighed, scratching his head. "It was this surreal fantasy that the Dominators projected onto my head, I think. The alternate reality is what kept me occupied while they were going through my subconscious or something." Richard bit his lip. "My mom & dad were alive, too."

Barbara's frown shifted into a solemn pout, & she bent her head low. Richard continued. "You had your legs, too. In this life, we were married, & you were working at GCPD with your father. I was working at Wayne Enterprises, but my father had gotten me the job. He was working with Jack's circus still, training young acrobats like me. We...we were happy, Barbara."

Barbara stared at Richard, lost for words. Richard turned to face Barbara. "I know it's crazy, but it's true. The dream got weird eventually, & an evil version of Robin tried to kill me, & he murdered my parents once I came to, but parts of the dream were still...good, you know? The life I had there, despite it not being real, was probably the best few few hours of my life." Richard bit his lip. "My friend, Harper, she was in this life, like me. She was a hacker helping on occasion, &...eventually, the life caught up with her. Her youngest brother's life was threatened, & she gave it all up to be normal." Richard turned back to Barbara with a faint smile. "She told me to get out of the game while I still could. I...I think part of me is completely ready to hang up the cape, Babs."

Once again, the two were left sitting in silence. The sirens of police cars wailed in the night outside of the window as Richard noticed Barbara's fingers tapping against her numb thighs. She sighed, then turned to Richard. "Dick, you know I'm with you, no matter what you decide to do, right?" Richard nodded with a smile. Barbara continued. "That being said...I just…"

Barbara's voice trailed off, causing Richard to lean close, hoping to hear her better. As he leaned closer, Barbara's eyes stared up at him, & the two stared at one another for a few moments. His eyes traced down her face, towards her lips. He leaned closer, feeling Barbara's thighs against his own. Maybe it was bourbon they had been drinking, or maybe it was something else that was driving them to this point. Something was bringing them together, closer, enough for their lips to finally connect once again. The two kissed, & Barbara's hands reached up to Richard's face as he wrapped his own arms around Barbara's waist. The two kissed as Barbara's hair fell over Richard's head, & he brought her body closer to his. After a few moments of passionate kissing, Barbara pulled away, gasping for air. "No," she breathed, out of breath. "No, we can't."

Richard eyed Barbara confusedly. "What do you mean?"

"Dick, please, no." This time, Barbara was fighting back tears as she spoke. Richard's eyes widened with worry as Barbara wiped her eyes with her hands, then reached down for her glasses. She grunted as she struggled to reach down towards the ground. She sat back up, releasing an exasperated cry, then laid her back against the couch, letting her tears stream back.

Richard got up from the couch & bent down on the ground, reaching for the glasses Barbara had dropped earlier. He stood back up & handed them to her. He noticed Barbara's hands pinching her thighs roughly, as though she wanted to inflict the most pain she could conjure up, but couldn't. Barbara's eyes opened slowly to find Richard holding her glasses. Barbara reached up slowly for the glasses, then brought them up to her eyes. She sighed once more, sobbing soft tears.

Richard bit his lip. "Babs, do...do you need help getting to bed?"

Barbara shook her head slowly, tears still falling from her eyes. "No, Dick," she said. "If I let you do this for me...I won't ever let you leave."

Richard stared down at Barbara, helpless & broken. He hated himself for letting her get this way. All he ever wanted was for Barbara to be alright & safe. He wanted to protect her. He felt that, out of all of the people he could be protecting in Gotham, he would rather turn his back on if it meant a life of taking care of Barbara. Now, when she needed it the most, she couldn't bare to let him. Richard hated himself for letting their relationship get to that point. He hated himself even more for letting himself walk out of that apartment without doing something, anything, to make it everything alright again.