For some reason this chapter just would not come. I think my creativity was stemmed by terror actually. We had a bomb threat at work, and I've been pretty useless for a few days now since it happened. Sorry to have made you wait so long.


Song for this chapter: When the Heartache Ends by Rob Thomas and Beyond by Matthew Mayer


HPOV


It was with a surprisingly light heart that I packed a small bag and stepped into my fireplace to floo to the Burrow. I stepped out into the kitchen and Molly was there waiting for me with open arms. I gave myself a quick once over to be sure that I wasn't covered in soot, and then I threw myself into her welcoming embrace.

"Good morning Hermione," Molly chuckled as she gave me a tight squeeze before releasing me and holding me out at an arm's length to look at me. "You look radiant my dear. What's different about you?"

"I've uhm" I stuttered looking around to make sure that there was no one in the kitchen with us, when I was certain we were alone I continued. "I've asked Severus out to dinner."

"Have you?" she asked rather cheekily with her eyes lighting up with mischief.

"Yes," I chirped, realizing just how excited I was about this. "Only I've done it in a letter, so I don't know if he's actually accepted it. But I think he'll be accepting wouldn't he? I mean he sent me the record, he told me how he felt so surely he wouldn't turn me down for dinner…"

"Calm down honey," she soothed pulling me back under her arm and moving us toward the living room. "He gave you a record?"

"Yes, he recorded a song for me." I told her as we sat down on the couch. "He said after hearing me play the piano that it seemed like the perfect way to tell me how he feels. And how he feels was… is beautiful."

"He serenaded you?" she asked seeming stunned.

"He did," I gushed. "So I asked him out to dinner."

"Who did you ask out for dinner?" Harry asked, walking into the living room with Ginny just behind him.

"You said you don't date!" Ginny whined. "Why couldn't you send me an owl later to let me know it was just Neville you had the problem with?"

"Ginny!" Molly scolded. "I specifically told you not to try and set her up on a date. Did you go ahead and do it anyway?"

"But Mom," Ginny whined sounding more like a teenager than the young adult she was. "I just want her to be happy like me and Harry."

"Who said I wasn't happy?' I asked her quietly looking up at her as calmly as I could.

"You don't seem happy," she sighed. "You don't seem anything like the girl who used to bunk with me during the holidays."

"I'm not," I said as calmly as I could. "I am not that girl anymore. I've lived an entire lifetime between the last time I bunked with you and now. I'm different. I need you to accept that."

"We do," Harry said firmly looking down at his wife with a stern eye. "You will always be our Hermione no matter how you change."

Ginny's lips resembled a dying fish for a moment but then she simply offered me a weak smile and dipped her head to stare at the floor. I could tell she felt awful and I didn't want to prolong her suffering.

"It's okay Ginny, I'm not upset with you anymore," I said kindly. "Just please don't try and set me up anymore okay?"

"I promise," she vowed. "But will you at least tell me who it is you asked out to dinner."

"I don't know if I should," I hedged looking at Molly from the corner of my eye.

"Oh come on, it would be the best Christmas present you could give me!" Ginny pushed.

"Look if I tell you, you have to promise to act like an adult and not fly off the handle," I sighed.

"I promise," she agreed quickly, too quickly to have really thought about what that meant.

"It's Severus," I said quietly, just waiting for the explosion.

"Severus?" she said, her brow constricting in confusion. "As in Severus Snape?"

"Hermione are you sure about this?" Harry asked quietly. "I'll support whatever you choose, but he's 20 years older than us, and a bit of a wanker if you ask me."

"Luckily I didn't ask you," I said stiffly. "I am quite sure about this Harry Potter."

"No you aren't," Ginny said quietly, looking a little green around the edges. "You just think its expected of you because he went after you and all."

"Ginny," Harry cut across her, his eyes starting to harden as the tension grew in the room.

"What would you know of my feelings on the matter?" I responded icily. "You don't know anything at all about me, you've admitted as much with you unwitty assumptions about me."

"It the age old damsel in distress story," Ginny plowed on, her ears growing red just like her older brother's used to. "Girl is in danger, boy saves girl, girl throws herself at his feet and marries him simply for being in the right place at the right time."

"Ginerva Weasley," Molly started and I could hear the beginnings of the towering fury I had heard fearful stories about.

"Don't," I breathed quietly, hoping to cut her off at the pass and avoid a real scene. "I am going to say this once, and then I will not address it again Ginerva. While I will always appreciate the fact that Severus was the only person in this world to ignore the assumption that I was dead and come after me, it has very little to do with why I love him. I love him for the tender care that he shows me, and the deep friendship that I found in him in a time when I could not even befriend myself. I love him for knowing my soul when it was at its most ugly and not turning away from me. So you may choose to think he is a prince in shining armor and that is the only reason I love him, but I will assure much as Severus would that only thing that brings him within the realm of being s Prince is his mother's premarital surname."

There was a resounding silence after I spoke where everyone seemed to be looking at one another trying to find the right words and failing. I stood from the couch and took a deep breath.

"Well this Christmas Eve has already been rather eventful," I sighed turning to look at Molly. "I think I will venture out for a bit of air. Send me word when you wish me to return for dinner?"

"Of course dear," she said stiffly, and I had a feeling I hadn't really stopped the tongue lashing that was coming, just assured that I would not have to personally witness it.

I walked out of the living room without looking back, and made quick work navigating through the kitchen and out the back door. I pulled up short nearly running into a startled looking Ron who has his hand on the lower back of his rather pregnant wife as he lead her up the steps.

"Ron, Lavender," I nodded awkwardly as I slid around them and bustled across the yard toward the gate. "Happy Christmas."

Though it wasn't feeling like a particularly happy Christmas at the moment if I were being honest about it. I was feeling rather flustered when confronted by Ginny's accusations, and I hadn't envisioned spending my holiday wandering around a muggle neighborhood with my hands buried in my cloak pockets puffing against the cold air. I had to shuffle through the snow, and the bottom of my cloak had soaked through rather quickly. If it weren't for the fact that it would upset Molly so I would have made my way back to the castle already. I suddenly had no interest in spending the holiday with what was beginning to look like my former friends. I wanted to spend it with Molly and Arthur, but it was starting to feel like I would have to pay a high price to do so.

When the sun threatened to set I made my way to a park where the lamps were more frequent and made it less likely that I would end up sitting in the dark like some lost specter. I found a wooden bench that sat directly beneath a lamp and used my sleeve to brush away the snow that had collected on the seat onto the ground before taking a seat.

"How did I end up alone in some muggle town again," I asked myself on a sigh, my breath clouding in the air before my face.

That was the big difference wasn't it? I didn't want to be alone anymore. I wasn't even entirely sure I wanted to be in the muggle realm either. It had taken great pains on the behalf of Severus to bring me back to Hogwarts, but now that I was there I hated being anywhere else. I was supposed to spend the holiday with what family I had, but I found that all I wanted now was to curl up before the fire in my quarters and ring in Christmas day with a glass of wine and perhaps a good book. I wished a bit that I still Crooks, as he would be a welcome addition to my holiday, but I never had found out where he had gotten to after everything that had happened that night.

The decision seemed easy when I sat and really thought about it. I just didn't want to be here now. I wanted to be at home, and where home was had changed. I would return for the evening gathering and enjoy hot coco with Molly like I had been looking forward to for weeks now, but then I would say my goodbyes and make my way back to the castle.

I was drawn out of my thoughts by the chiming of church bells in the distance. The rung cheerily through the night for a few moments, and I remembered that the catholic church often held a midnight mass for Christmas. Attending the Latin mass with my parents felt like it was a life time ago, and yet I was suddenly yearning for it. I wondered vaguely if spell work had come so easily to me because I had already learned at least a basic understanding of the Latin language, but it was brushed away by the sudden conviction that I would be going to that mass tonight. Maybe I could spend the holiday with my birth parents anymore, but I could spend it how we would have if we had been together tonight.

I stood up, shaking some warmth back into my limbs and decided that I would make my way back to the Burrow now rather than waiting for Molly to summon me. I would have to leave earlier if I planned to make the mass, so I should get in as much time with them as I could before I left. Not to mention that I would need to change, my wizarding robes simply weren't appropriate for church. I didn't even own a head covering anymore, I would have to transfigure one before I went.

I looked left and right, ascertaining that there were no muggles watching, and then I focused my mind on the gate leading into the Burrow. I turned with determination and disappeared with a crack. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the terrible pressure, and when I opened my eyes once more I was looking at the cheery home that had laughter floating out into the night air through the thin window panes.

I hurried through the crunchy snow and back in through the kitchen where I found Molly preparing dinner while everyone laughed and chatted in the living room. I pressed my fingers to my lips when she turn to look at me with her mouth falling open. I wasn't quite ready for everyone to know I was back just yet.

"I need to bustle upstairs and change out of these wet clothes, but I wanted to talk to you while I had the chance," I told her quietly. "I am going to stay and enjoy the rest of the evening with you, but then I am going to go to the midnight mass at the local church before returning to Hogwarts for Christmas."

"But Hermione," Molly began.

"No it okay," I said with a shake of the head. "I'm not upset anymore. I've just realized that I would rather be alone tomorrow. It seems an odd thing, but I think I need it. I think I need some time to just be. A gift to myself if you will."

"If you're sure," she said sadly, and I knew it was the last thing she wanted, but she didn't want to push me away like her daughter had.

"I am," I told her with a soft smile before I turned away and made my way out of the kitchen.

I made it about halfway up the stairs before I ran into Ron. He was making his way down so I assumed he had gone up to his old room for whatever it was he had clutched in his hand. It looked like it might have once been a teddy bear, though it had seen better days.

"Hey," he said brightly, stopping in a manner that unfortunately blocked me from moving past him.

"Hey," I answered quietly.

"Look I heard what happened today," he said with tight eyes. "Ginny was a bit in-eloquent about it, but I think she only meant to express concern about you being hurt."

"It's rather odd to think you are here explaining some else's rash words," I said with a dry chuckle though my voice had been frosty.

"Things change when you grow up," he shrugged. "People change. And maybe Snape has changed, but if he hasn't, then I am worried about you getting hurt as well."

"He wouldn't hurt me," I grumbled.

"He could," Ron said lightly. "I think Ginny did a rather good job of pointing out how easy it is for any of us to hurt someone we care about just a few hours ago."

"Well I trust that he won't hurt me," I said somewhat petulantly. "But if you are my friend, then I hope that you can just agree to let me do what I will and be here after the heartache comes if that is theonly way you think it can end."

"I will hope that it ends any other way," he said with a nod. "But I will be here no matter which way it does end."

"Thank you Ron," I said, feeling my face lighten at his words. "I've missed you you know."

"Same here," he said quietly. "Even after years of thinking you were dead, I always wanted to share my news with you first like when Lavender said yes, or when I found out we were going to have a baby. It's a boy you know?"

"Oh Ron that is so great!" I gushed, reaching out impulsively to pull him into celebratory hug.

It wasn't until his shocked intake of air that I realized I hadn't touched him in years. Somehow I had forgotten that our last interaction had been me magically forcing him out of the house I was in and screaming like a mad woman. He was frozen in shock for a moment, and then he returned the hug fiercely, nearly crushing me with how tightly he squeezed.

"Well, I need to go get changed into dry clothes," I said as a bit of an awkward segue when he released me. "See you at dinner?"

"Yeah," he all but chirped before he trundle off down the stairs with his beaten up bear.


Dinner had only been a bit awkward what with Ginny seemingly afraid to look at me, and Harry still seeming a bit angry about the whole ordeal, but other than that it was rather cheerful. We shared roast beef and later a chocolate bread pudding while all of us laughed and simply reveled in the holiday cheer. I drank my hot chocolate by the fire while Molly and Arthur danced to a Worbeck song, and then I made my round of goodbyes for the night. It was taxing to my nerves and pushed my limits of acceptance but I gave a hug to each and every Weasley and Potter in the place before I pulled my bag over my shoulder once more and made my way back toward the muggle village once more.

I wondered what they would have for Christmas breakfast, and if they would enjoy the presents I had gotten them as I walked through the village that was still fairly well lit considering how late the night was getting. I didn't feel particularly sad not to be spending the holiday with them, but I found I didn't want to linger on it too much either.

When I reached the church I seemed to be one of the last arriving so I didn't have to wait to get inside. I stepped off the side of the doors where the was a coat rack and removed my cloak, hanging my overnight bag on the hangar before draping my cloak over it to hide it. I brushed imagined lint from my simple grey dress, silently begrudging that it the hem at the knee seemed to be clinging to my black tights. I produced the black lace head covering I had created just this evening and quickly pinned it into place in my hair before I mounted the stairs that would lead me in to the church proper.

It was a sense of home coming much like I had felt when walking into the yard of the Burrow not so long ago as I stepped into the church and dipped my fingers into the holy water by the door. I made the cross allowing the small drop of water to linger on my forehead as I slipped into a pew in the back just before the doors were closed. The room was fairly packed with the families sharing the special Christmas mass with one another, and I felt a little pang at sitting alone in my pew. I wished that my parents could be here with me tonight, but I tried to let go of my sadness and remember that they were in a better place now.

The doors swung open once more to allow the processional of alter boys and the priest to enter, and my lungs filled with air saturated by the incense they carried with them. It was soothing and energizing at the same time and I took deep breaths of it feeling relieved with the holy water sprinkled from the scepter the priest welded over the congregation as he passed rained down on me. I had never considered myself to be terribly religious, particularly after agreeing to go to school at Hogwarts, but it felt like my soul had been crying out for this service for a long time and I was finally giving in to something I truly needed.

I seemed not to truly be inside of myself as the Latin words danced through the air. I spent most of the service on my knees, but I did not feel the pain of the old wooden plank. The service went late into the night, but I did not feel tired. I simply felt as if I was being bathed in a special kind of love and it left me floating in a state of competition that I could not find the words to properly express.

I partook of communion for the first time in years, and the wine had never tasted sweeter. I felt like a child once more when the priest gently placed the wafer on my tongue, but I felt like I was much older than I truly was as I stepped away from the foot of the alter and I knew that it was unlikely that I would return here any time soon.

I joined in the last of the singing as the service ended and I let go of all the burdens that were left within me. I let go of the terrible sadness I was feeling over the absence of my parents. I let go of the suffocating anger I felt at the way Ginny had spoken to me. I let go of the trepidation I felt at the possibility that she and Ron could somehow be right about everything. I let go of every worry and sadness that I felt and allowed myself to be filled with the glorious love that was being shared in this church. When I was full to the brim with good feelings, I slipped out of the church and put my cloak on once more. I threw my bag over my shoulder once more and stole away into the night with the destination of Hogwarts clear in my mind.