Merry Christmas, everyone! I'm sorry that I've been away for so long. Life is doing its best to get in the way and I'm still trying to learn how to deal with it when it gets bad. I'm a long way off from giving up on it, though; much to the contrary, I'm still trying new things to figure out just what will work for me. The biggest development was actually using outlines when I start feeling stuck. I've never done it before but it helps immensely when something is interfering with my writing a chapter in one sitting like I like to do. Now that I'm on holiday, though, I've got all day to work on it. It's a struggle—I expected this chapter to be done more than two weeks ago—but I can't even describe how good it feels to finally be back at it.
This chapter was originally going to be a continuation of the story leading up to Sechseläuten (it's coming, I promise) but it occurred to me that it was almost Christmas Eve yesterday. Thinking of that sparked an idea to do another holiday special something like the New Year's Day special. I have no idea why but this one flowed much more naturally, almost as much as back when I first started this story. It was fun to write. The idea came in a hurry and I wanted to get it done and posted today so please excuse any mistakes I've made as there may be a few more than usual. It's just one chapter this time but I hope you still like it!
Fareeha stood outside of the bathroom and leaned against the door frame as she stared blankly out of the window on the opposite wall. In spite of her attempts to remain calm and indifferent, the steadily increasing pace of her heart kept her from being able to believe that she was capable of being indifferent. On the other side of the open door, Angela was standing in a lacy white bra and matching panties and smiling at Fareeha's back.
"It is alright to come in, love. I am decent."
Fareeha, who had been speaking with Angela and had followed to keep from shouting across the room, had stopped just short of entering the bathroom. In spite of everything that had passed between them in the last several hours, it still seemed to her that it was inappropriate to stand there and stare at her as she was getting dressed. Being given permission to come in made it difficult to not jump at the opportunity but her decency, while unable to keep her from entering immediately, couldn't stop her from rejecting the idea altogether. She turned slowly and, seeing Angela standing in front of her, she stopped in her tracks. As hard as she tried, she could do nothing other than stare. Some small part of her mind was screaming at her that staring was also rude but the rest of it was occupied with processing what she was seeing. The end result left her standing there in wide-eyed wonder with her lips slightly parted.
Angela felt a bit of disappointment and was forced to admit to herself that she had been hoping for a bit more of a reaction. "Is anything wrong, love?"
Hearing Angela's voice pulled Fareeha out of her daze. "No, nothing. I was just...surprised. I thought you had said that you were dressed."
"Well, I am relatively decent...in the sense that you have seen me in less, at least."
Angela laughed in response to the deep burgundy making itself apparent across Fareeha's face, then resisted the urge to audibly sigh with relief when she realized that Fareeha had been affected after all. It was one more thing to love about Fareeha; her reservation and hesitation showed Angela what kind of person she really was. It never ceased to amaze that the strong, capable and deadly Captain Amari had such a sweet and pure side to her. Thinking of that, though Angela she was beginning to feel guilty for teasing her. Everything that was happening was a significant departure from what they were used to; the last thing that she wanted to do was make it any more difficult than it had to be. She reached out for a pair of jeans that were folded on the counter near the sink and, somewhat reluctantly, started putting them on. The moment of distraction from her desire to draw more reactions from Fareeha gave Angela the opportunity for a question to come to mind.
"Come to think of it, why do you seem so flustered? I am wearing quite a bit more than I was several hours ago."
Fareeha hesitated for a few seconds. Admitting that she was thinking something like this was difficult with that small part of her mind still nagging her and reminding her to mind proper etiquette. It was made all the more confusing by the fact that she had no idea what proper protocol for a situation like this may be. With no better plan in mind, she resolved to simply be honest, looking as though she was bracing herself for impact.
"It's like seeing a wrapped present. It's...difficult to not be excited about what's inside. Even if I already know, I still want to unwrap it."
Angela stopped just as she had pulled her jeans up over her hips and, completely forgetting what she was doing, she quickly stepped toward Fareeha and wrapped her arms around her before kissing her. It took an exceptionally long time for her to finally pull away. It seemed as though she had done so none too soon; Fareeha seemed to be short of breath.
"Are...are you alright, love?" Though she was concerned, Angela couldn't help chuckling at the sight.
"Yes, I'm fine. I think so, anyway. Not that I'm complaining but...what was that for?"
Angela smiled before quickly kissing Fareeha one more time and stepping back to finish buttoning her jeans. She couldn't quite bring herself to fully admit what she had been thinking. It always made her feel some small measure of something akin to guilt but she loved to be appreciated. Since meeting Fareeha, the feeling was so intense that it was all but entirely irresistible. It occurred to her that the difference was that Fareeha was one of the only people she had ever met whose appreciation was genuine; when it came to matters like this particular situation, she was certain that Fareeha was the only one that could appreciate that part of her without losing sight of who she was as a person. Even still, though any malicious intent couldn't have been farther from her mind, she still felt somewhat guilty for enjoying something that could potentially upset Fareeha. Realizing that she still hadn't answered Fareeha's question, however, she responded as best she could.
"It was...for saying the right things, as per usual."
Fareeha couldn't honestly say that she understood but, since Angela seemed happy with nothing more than her telling the truth, she decided that it was good enough for the moment. Instead of worrying about it anymore, she simply watched as Angela went through the process of getting dressed. She couldn't place why but watching her was fascinating. Once she had pulled on a close fitting white off the shoulder sweater, she started smoothing her hair out again before pulling it back and tying it in place. Seeing the care that went into making sure that not even a single hair was out of place was amazing to Fareeha. She had never felt the need to put as much effort into her own appearance; it seemed impractical at best when she was preparing to spend days or even weeks in the field and it never interested her much at any other time. The more she thought about it, though, the more it seemed pointless for Angela as well—in a sense, at least. Angela was by far the most beautiful woman that she had ever seen. After having seen her in the most natural state possible, however, it was apparent to Fareeha that Angela's beauty had nothing to do with her clothing or her makeup. Watching her carefully applying eyeliner with the skilled hands of a surgeon, however, a new thought occurred to Fareeha. As Angela's appearance slowly and subtly transformed through the application of makeup, Fareeha realized that all of the trouble that Angela was going through was creating a new facet of her beauty. Fareeha always thought of makeup as something that covered beauty but she now saw that everything Angela applied to herself cast a light on that beauty, drawing the eye to it and making it impossible to overlook. It was as though she had found a way to add to Romeo and Juliet or Toccata and Fugue in D Minor and improve on what was already perfect.
Angela, after having finished with her eyeliner, was reaching out for an eyeshadow palette when she noticed Fareeha staring at her intently. She felt her face immediately growing warm; as much as she loved having Fareeha's attention, she wasn't accustomed to being watched so closely. It seemed as though Fareeha was studying her, not out of fascination as much as to learn something.
"W—what is it, love?"
It wasn't until Fareeha heard the question that she realized that she was staring again. Her mind raced to put all of her thoughts into words but the sudden flood of them made it impossible to form them into words. As always, she was irritated with herself when this happened; in her frustration, she did her best to force the words out.
"I was just thinking about how beautiful you truly are."
Angela laughed, surprised to feel so much joy from such a simple compliment that would have disgusted her coming from just about anyone else. "It sounds as though you are working on getting another kiss."
"No...well, I wouldn't argue with you about it but that wasn't what I was thinking. I just feel...well, I guess that 'grateful' is a good word for it. It's hard to imagine that someone as perfect as you came to someone like me."
"What do you mean by that?"
Angela paused when Fareeha flinched, not having any idea why she suddenly sounded slightly irritated. She composed herself and ensured that her voice was calm before continuing, not wanting to give Fareeha the impression that she was annoyed—mostly because she was.
"I am beautiful, intelligent and generally amazing if I do say so myself. If you think that you are not so amazing yourself that you are not worthy of my affection, however, you are simply not giving yourself nearly enough credit. It...upsets me to think that anyone would have such a thought, even if it is you."
Fareeha was taken aback, amazed by both hearing how much Angela thought of her and the fact that she was still somehow surprised by it when she heard it. On top of that, she was surprised that Angela felt so strongly about it.
"I'm sorry. I'll work on remembering that."
Angela smiled, though it was a little weak. "Do not apologize, love. Just remember that I feel the way I do about you for a reason. I will try to not be so defensive about my feelings, though I cannot promise that I will be so reserved if anyone other than you challenges them."
Angela's thoughts drifted to a moment just before she'd stepped into the shower when she'd picked up her phone to check her messages purely out of habit. One in particular had caught her attention before she'd remembered that she was ignoring the rest of the world while she was with Fareeha and, ever since that moment, she was having a hard time putting it out of her mind. Fareeha noticed the change in her expression and, though she was curious about what thoughts Angela was having that had so drastically changed her mood, she had the feeling that it was best to not call any attention to it and instead decided to delicately redirect the conversation.
"Well, I'm certainly glad that you feel the way that you do, at any rate. If it hadn't been for your moving forward, I may never have had the courage to tell you how I felt about you. I suppose that's another reason that I feel lucky; I'm not used to having anyone do things for me."
Angela smiled, her spirits lifting as Fareeha's voice drowned out the memory that she was trying to put out of her mind. "I can hardly take all of the credit for it. I am glad that I made that New Year's resolution, though."
Fareeha's posture relaxed, surprising her as she didn't realize how tense she had been. Steering conversations in a particular direction was not something that she considered to be one of her talents and she was as amazed as she was relieved that it had worked. "Was that where it started for you?"
"That was where my efforts began in earnest, yes. I suppose that one could say that it actually started a bit earlier, though...at the Christmas party just before that."
Fareeha thought back to the previous Christmas and, remembering the conversation that they'd had when Angela had called her on Christmas morning, she recalled that Angela had seemed oddly excited. Angela couldn't help smiling, both at the bittersweet memory of the previous Christmas and Fareeha's suddenly excited and curious expression. Putting the bitter parts of the memory aside, she began to explain.
Several months earlier, Angela had been at a Christmas party at a hotel in Paris that she had been hosting. It seemed that it wasn't entirely accurate to say that she was the party's host, however; the affair had been wrestled from her control nearly as soon as she had announced it. As with every other party that she'd tried to throw, it had been entirely overtaken by at least one of the people that she'd made the mistake of inviting. She thought that having it on Christmas Day would keep most of the problematic potential guests from showing up but it seemed that the opportunity to attend one of her parties was still too much for them to pass up. She repressed the urge to cringe when her eyes fell on people that she knew for a fact had families on the other side of the planet that were conspicuously absent. The thought filled her with a sickening emotion that felt as though she was watching someone defacing fine art.
As usual, Angela had been informed that her guest list had more than tripled in size only several hours after having sent out the first invitation. Worse, several of the names that she had added had been removed. She'd felt a nauseating churning in her stomach when she'd gotten several angry letters and learned that someone had gone as far as to send messages to those people to inform them that they were no longer invited. After demanding to see one of these letters, she was horrified to find that, though it was written with the same practiced and polite speech that she was so accustomed to using herself, taking in the true meaning of the words made it apparent that whoever had written them had clearly been gloating above all else. Though she'd spent the better part of an hour sending out letters retracting those statements and insisting that people attend if possible, there was no way to know how many of them had been sent. When she thought about every other party that she'd ever tried to throw, none of this was all that surprising, a thought that felt worse than being shocked by it. Still, her desire to enjoy the holiday in pleasant company had gotten the better of her. After having spent nearly the entire evening greeting people—more than half of whom she didn't even know—only to be pulled into another conversation to repeat the process, she was long since exhausted and ready to go back to her suite. She was glancing around the room for an excuse to step away long enough to disappear into the crowd and find a place to be alone when what sounded like an argument reached her ears.
"Really? Even today, of all days?"
It wasn't at all unusual for arguments to start at her parties, often over what group of people would have the honor of having Angela stand among them for the sole purpose of drawing the envy of everyone else in attendance. She had hoped that the occasion would cause people to control themselves somewhat but it seemed that it was as foolish a hope as having a pleasant party for a change. She started searching for the source of the commotion, having already resigned herself to giving her practiced diplomatic response that meant promising her time to both arguing parties and giving up on finding an escape. She was surprised to find that the raised voices were coming from the door to the banquet hall; it seemed that the doorman was doing his best to argue with someone that was trying to get in. Angela sighed as she made her way to the door to settle the argument. It was another common occurrence at her parties that she'd had more practice with than she cared to remember. There were always fans trying to slip past security but, every so often, there was someone that would be gravely offended to find that they hadn't received an invitation and would spend hours on a flight just to argue their way past the front door. It was a long and tedious process to determine whether it was a random arrival or someone who felt their connections should grant them access and, in the event of the latter, find an excuse to let them in just to save herself an argument.
In an instant, several things happened so quickly that Angela couldn't quite make sense of it all immediately. The first was that, as she was trying to determine which kind of gate crasher the doorman was dealing with based on his choice of words, he stopped in the middle of his sentence.
"I am quite sorry, madame. While your reputation certainly precedes you, I am afraid that you are not on the guest list for this particular engagement. I am afraid that I must ask you and your...er, friend...to—"
Just as Angela was coming to the conclusion that such polite speech spoken with such a smug tone of voice was indicative of someone of importance that had been offended by not having been invited, her thoughts were interrupted by a flash of blue light and nothing more than a blur weaving its way through startled guests that had been taking entirely too much pleasure in seeing someone turned around at the door. Angela's eyes snapped back to the doorman, who was turning around with a bewildered expression to find out where the gate crasher had gone. As he did, Angela was just barely able to spy a head of red hair quietly stepping around the distracted doorman and weaving through the crowd. Angela looked around for the blur again but didn't find it until she followed the sound of cheerful laughter. When she saw the blur making its way toward a corner of the banquet hall where the head of red hair had stopped, it finally occurred to Angela what was happening. Her spirits lifted immediately and she started pushing her way to the crowd to join them. Though she apologized as she forced her way through groups of people so eagerly that she just barely avoided knocking drinks out of people's hands, she couldn't remove the smile from her face when she realized that the new arrival meant that the day was no longer a complete loss.
"Excuse me...please, pardon me...I must get through...I am sorry about your dress—Tracer! Emily!"
Angela waved excitedly as she approached Lena and Emily, both of whom were already making their way toward the door leading outside to the veranda. After issuing one more rushed apology following having stepped on someone's foot, she made her way through the door and, when she realized that there was nobody else outside, she closed it behind her.
"I...I cannot tell you how happy I am to see you both!"
Lena smiled, though she was looking unusually reserved. "Glad we made it before it ended! We left Winston's and flew straight here! I, er...borrowed one of the company jets."
She smiled shyly, awaiting another lecture about proper use of Overwatch resources. It was the farthest thing from Angela's mind, however; she couldn't contain her excitement as she took her time in hugging both of them, starting with Lena.
"You didn't think I'd miss one of your parties, did you—oof!" Lena laughed as best she could; Angela had hugged her so tightly and suddenly that it had squeezed the air out of her.
Angela squeezed Emily just as tightly, though Emily was prepared after having seen Lena desperately trying to catch her breath. Angela felt somewhat odd being so affectionate with Emily given that they didn't know each other very well. She had only met her several times since she began dating Lena but she knew her well enough to have a good feeling about her. She had initially been suspicious as she was always worrying about Lena but she had long ago stopped worrying about it. When she finally let go of Emily, Lena's question finally hit home and made her feel sheepish when she had to find a way to answer.
"I honestly didn't think that you would. I discovered just this morning that someone had removed you from the guest list and...well...with those horrible letters they had been sending to everyone...I didn't think..."
Angela was looking at the ground, feeling both guilty and humiliated. She had been trying all day to find a way to apologize properly but had yet to think of anything that would come close to being sufficient. She looked up in surprise when she heard Lena laughing loudly.
"Oh, come on. You didn't really think I'd believe that, did you? I know how these parties get. Besides, that letter didn't even sound like you. I knew better than to believe it. Not like it would've stopped me coming, anyway."
Emily started laughing along with Lena. "It's true. I tried to talk her out of it but I didn't get more than three words in before she'd started packing."
Hearing this, Angela finally joined in the laughter. She felt as though a weight had been lifted off of her heart; she had been so worried about finding a way to make up for what had been done that she had never stopped to consider the fact that it didn't really make any sense. She had spent so much time dealing with people that she couldn't stand that she had entirely forgotten what it was like to be around people that actually knew her. It still seemed to be too much to hope for that Lena would fly halfway across Europe on the hunch even though it sounded exactly like something that she would do but Angela was too happy to dwell on it.
"I am glad that you knew better. Even I did not think about the fact that such a thing was certainly unlike me."
Lena continued smiling, determined to drive the point home. "Of course! Who would believe that you of all people would invite someone to a party and then change your mind?"
Angela glanced behind her through the glass door and saw that everyone she could see was looking back at her, looking confused, disgruntled or envious. She turned back to Lena, her expression now grim. "You would be surprised."
Lena and Emily both glanced through the door where Angela had been looking and, seeing the expressions on their faces, they both realized that Angela was quite serious. Emily could only stand there in stunned silence. Lena, on the other hand, was quite confused.
"I don't get it. Why would anybody even go so far as to try to uninvite me?"
Angela sighed, not wanting to admit such a horrible truth. "If I had to guess, I would say that someone saw you both as competition and felt threatened. For all of their accomplishments that they love to go on about so much, they are still not Tracer. Worse, they know it. If they do not like it, I will not try to stop them from leaving in protest."
"It's not that serious, is it?"
"I would thank them to do so."
Now, even Lena was struggling for words. "I...wow. I'm surprised that anybody thought that much of me."
Angela smiled, though it still looked a bit grim. "They do. They will never admit it but they are acutely aware that they do not measure up...for more reasons than they realize." She paused for a moment and sighed when she realized that this was not the end of the matter. While most of the people whose invitations were revoked were people that she was glad to not have to deal with anyway, there were still at least two people that she would have to speak with. "I still must apologize to Winston. He would never tell me but he was surely one of those names that was crossed off of my list."
Emily smiled kindly, wasting no time in easing Angela's fears. "You know that he knows better, too. We were talking about it this morning, actually. He was none too chuffed about what they'd done but he knew as well as we did that you didn't have anything to do with it."
Angela was again relieved, though not as much as earlier. "Of course...he would know better. He should still hear an explanation from me but it is good to know that he is not offended."
Lena, picking up on what Emily was doing, joined in as soon as she saw the opportunity. "Of course he does! It's not like he'd have been able to come, anyway. He wanted to but he's still trying to keep the cameras off of him. People are still touchy about the whole Overwatch reformation thing and most of them have figured that he's behind it. He can't as much as stick his head out of his front door without a BBC special report asking why."
Angela knew that it was true but the thought of his being trapped in his own home didn't make her feel any better. "Yes...still, I think that I will pay him a visit. I would rather apologize in person, anyway. Besides that, I cannot remember the last time that we spoke about anything other than new recruits or staying out of prison. It would be nice to spend some time with him."
Lena was already excited. "Let us know when you go! I'm always looking for an excuse to visit."
Angela nodded, then sighed again. Emily, wondering if Angela was beginning to fret again, inquired as delicately as she could. "Penny for your thoughts?"
"I was just thinking that this is very nearly perfect."
"What's missing?"
"I was just thinking that it would be nice if Fareeha had come, as well."
Emily sighed, feeling disgusted all over again. "Did they send one of those nasty letters to her, too?"
Angela shook her head. "No, I never put her on the list to begin with. I meant to invite her personally."
Lena looked surprised. "She wouldn't come?"
Angela shook her head again, now looking somewhat sad. "No, nothing like that. I...didn't specifically ask her to come. I mentioned it but...she didn't seem interested. It stands to reason, really. She is not a fan of these sorts of things."
Angela, feeling inexplicably uneasy, looked up to see Lena smiling at her with an air of mischief. "Wait...you didn't actually invite her? It's not like you to mince words."
Angela realized too late that she had said one word too many. She knew Lena well enough to know that the smirk on her face meant that it was already too late to sweep it under the rug but she still tried to deflect the question out of both habit and desperation. "Well, it is not as though I am surprised; I have a hard time imagining that she is doing anything other than working. If she did want to come, it would be horrible to invite her to a party that it was obvious that she would not be able to attend."
Lena didn't look as though she had been deterred in the least. "Well, it's a shame, really. I bet she would've come. She's on holiday right now, come to think."
Angela's surprise caused her to completely forget her intent to steer the conversation away from herself. "She is? Why?"
Lena shrugged casually, though she was still smiling. "No idea; I'm just as surprised as you. I didn't find out until we called her to wish her a happy Christmas." Seeing Angela staring at her with her eyes wide, she knew that her plan had worked and pressed her advantage. "She said that she's on holiday for a couple of weeks. Knowing her, I'd bet she doesn't have any plans for it, either."
Angela stared at the ground, looking dejected. "I could have invited her...she would not have come, of course—"
Lena cut across her, sensing that she was losing Angela's attention. "Don't be too sure about that. She hates parties, sure. She likes you, though."
Again, Angela's train of thought was derailed by shock. "She...likes me?"
Lena carried on before she could lose Angela again, pleased with her own deliberately ambiguous choice of words. "Don't look so surprised. Don't be too surprised if she's willing to put up with a party if it means spending time with you, either. You should call her and make some plans."
Angela began smiling uncontrollably without even realizing it. "Yes...yes, you are right. I should. Are the two of you going to be free?"
Emily, who had been following the conversation closely, jumped at the opportunity to steer Angela's thoughts back in the right direction. "No, unfortunately. We have a thing and it's a bit too late to back out of it."
Emily did her best to not look relieved when Angela looked nervously excited by the news and didn't seem to be the least bit disappointed. Lena, noticing the same thing, decided that the time was right to make something clear.
"Hey, promise me something, will you?"
Angela looked up, her thoughts already filling with potential plans for New Year's Eve. "Yes, of course!"
Lena's expression quickly turned uncharacteristically serious. "You're never one to do things halfway and now is no time to start. Do the thing right, yeah?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean...if you've got something in mind that you wanna do, don't go at it halfhearted. Opportunity doesn't knock forever, y'know? You don't want somebody beating you to it. I'm pretty sure you're in the lead by a mile but...well, let's just say you're still not the only one running the race."
Angela thought about running that race and imagined turning around to see who was behind her. In the distance, she could almost see a sea of competitors when she thought about the thousands upon thousands of fan sites dedicated to running that race. She shivered as a chill ran up her spine. She turned to Lena and nodded, understanding exactly what she was saying.
"Yes...you are right, of course. I will remember that."
Lena smiled, the look of determination on Angela's face confirming that her point had hit home. "Good. You know, as long as it's the new year, you might want to think about making that a resolution. Not letting opportunities pass you by is a good one, don't you think?"
Angela smiled, her thoughts already drifting back to Fareeha and what she would say to her the next morning. "Yes...I agree. I shall remember that as well."
