"Just don't leave, don't leave. I'm not living. I'm just killing time."
I am…kind of feeling like a scumbag. It's getting harder and harder to keep the strained smile on my face. I'm still leading Rassilon down the hall, hopefully to the room where I plan to ruin his day. I'm sweating like crazy, like…I don't know. Some kind of mad sweat making machine. I've never actually seen a pig sweat, so it feels a little insincere to say I was sweating 'like a pig'. The point was, I felt like it was a lot. His hand was clamped tight in my own and I was hoping he didn't notice how hard I was crushing it.
Did he feel how clammy my hand was? Did he hear every single 'um' or 'uh' or awkward pause that shot holes into my whole attempted seduction?
And I kissed him.
Ugh.
Just.
UGH.
Remind me to take a blender to my mouth, and some sandpaper. Maybe some soap for good measure. It was Koschei, at least, it looked like Koschei. But it wasn't him. That was the part that was making me feel like something I had stepped in. I thought if I pretended it was him, it would help make me less nervous. Because, let's face it, I needed all the help I could get at this point.
But even that was too much of a stretch. His voice was different, his smile, even his eyes. It was all darker, sinister. It was god damn evil with a capital E. And underlined. A few times. It didn't matter that Rassilon was wearing a different mask, he was bad. And it just oozed from his pores.
I almost giggled when I saw the doors, that hysterical, insanity driven kind of giggling. Basically, the kind of giggling I wanted to prevent if I had any hope at all of not screwing this up. I was so close, all I had to do was to get him through those doors and…
Er.
What? What was the plan? Was the Doctor just going to smack him over the head? Was I suppose to smack him over the head? Would that even work? Or was I going to have to go through with the whole…next step of seduction…? Oh hell no. End of the world or not, I was not letting this body snatching creeper put his hands on me any more than necessary. And that was not going to be necessary.
"I thought we could go some place exciting." I said, flashing a grin as the door slid open. A strained grin. A grin that just screamed 'shoot me with something because I'm totally plotting to mess your shit up'.
But apparently earth men and time lord men were similar in the fact that when they were focused on certain things…well, the logical, suspicious part their brain sort of shut down. But if my suspicious behavior wasn't setting him off, the very black walls of the room was probably going to have some effect.
"Did you have any suggestions?" I asked, trying to play it off like I had a plan. Seriously, what the hell was the plan? Did I remember actually discussing it? Should I have been paying attention? I was the worst at execution, if it had been the real Doctor, he would have known that. There should have been a power point or something. At least notes.
"I like the dark." He grinned, pulling me close while I tried not to cringe. Of course he liked the dark. What kind of sinister villain didn't like the dark.
"Sure, but, I mean, right here?" That was panic in my voice, total panic. He wasn't listening because he was kissing my throat, god I wish my skin would just peel off. I was certain the next segment of the plan was going to happen now.
Okay. Now.
Maybe now? Please?
He pulled back and grinned down at me, his hand tangled in my hair, tighter until it was painful. And then he was slumped over me, pulling me to the ground.
Panic! This is me hitting the panic button! And falling, because he's heavy.
"Okay I'm sorry I can't do this! It was all a trick! Sorry! I'd rather you didn't kill me though." That's what I meant to say, it all came out a little more rushed and squeaky. Way to keep everything under wraps, you master operative.
And then he was just laying there. Unmoving.
Was he letting it sink it? Was he going to lay there until I slowly suffocated?
"Hello!" The Doctor's head popped up over Rassilon's shoulder. "Not very tight lipped, are you?" He had a black leather…thumper thing…one of those things I'd seen in movies that's used to knock people out. I had no idea what the hell it was called. But apparently, it was effective.
"A little help here?" Rassilon's dead weight was too much against my pathetically weak arms. Did I mention I had just nearly died? Yeah, that's what it was. It had nothing to do with my complete lack of arm strength, due to, you know, not lifting stuff. Ever.
No. It was the near death thing.
The Doctor helped lift his shoulders enough so I could squirm out from under him.
"Glad to see you again, was just about to open the air lock." The Doctor smiled as if that wouldn't really have bothered him at all. You know, just two people, sucked into space, causing their blood to boil in their veins. No biggie.
""I'm so thrilled you decided against it." I grumbled, pushing myself up off the floor. "So what now?"
"Now it's simple. We just need to bring him to the chameleon arch, set the appropriate brain wave monitors to beta rays. Power it up using the ships fusion engines. Then hopefully, the arch will be able to separate the consciousness from the physical body. Of course, ideally, it will be the correct consciousness. Or not just pieces of both of them. Then all we need to do is shut down the machine before it pulls the Professor out as well. Or kills them. Also," He said with a frown. "We should make sure it doesn't overheat and kill us all. I think there's a setting for that…"
Simple was not the word I would have used.
Simple wasn't even in the same broad category of the word I would have used. It was an adjective. That was about as similar as it was going to get.
Impossible sounded more accurate.
"Oh, and there's this." He held out a pocket watch. "It was just small enough that I could focus most of the excess radiation energy to stabilize it. So even outside the room, this will continue to exist. Which is good. Because if it doesn't, well, Rassilon will get out again. And we don't want that. That would be very bad."
"Yes." I agreed. I wasn't going to get bogged down with the details. Rassilon in the chair. That was the first step. We both took an arm and started to drag him across the room where it was waiting. Why the Doctor hadn't materialized it a little closer to the door, I wasn't sure.
I hadn't realized there would be so many straps involved. The Doctor went about tightening them all down while I stared in horror at what looked like it was some kind of electric chair.
It looked like we were about to stage some kind of execution. That wasn't foreboding at all. No. I was feeling totally confident now.
He lowered the metal helmet and pressed the watch into the front of it where it locked tightly. There were more dials and buttons that he periodically flicked on and off, causing the machine to blip and hum.
"Right then. Now, we just need to wake him up."
"What?" That was a terrible idea. A really terrible idea. Suddenly all those sinister straps holding him down didn't seem like enough. Hell, all the straps in the world wouldn't have been enough. "No!"
"Okay, don't panic. There is a point to all this." Good, he was picking up on my panicking. That was good. Because there was a lot of it. "Right now, well. Before right now, Rassilon was the dominant consciousness. So if we turn it on while he's unconscious, it'll pull the Professor out. And leave us with the same problem as before."
"That would have been good to know!" What if he had hit him too hard? What if we couldn't wake him up? Why had I listened to the Doctor? No, that was wrong. Why had I listened to the machine that was pretending to be the Doctor? Where was the sense in that? No where. The sense was No. Where.
Why am I always such an idiot?
"It doesn't really matter, does it? We needed to knock him out to stop Rassilon from being a threat, and we need the Professor to come back, because for the process to work, it needs to read a very specific amount of brain activity from one or the other, otherwise…" The Doctor trailed off, an unpleasant frown curling at his lips.
"Otherwise what?" Man, I was really looking forward to that couch. And cheetos. I was going to eat cheetos till I freaking died. My blood would be god damn orange when they found me. And then I could say 'hi' to Goldine in fishy heaven. It would be epic.
"Otherwise, it might pull a bit from the both of them. Which would leave…well, whatever is left…a bit of a mess. So," he clapped his hands together, interrupting my request for him to define 'bit of a mess' and plastering a smile on his face. "We better get it right the first time."
"Do we get a second time?" That might be sort of hopeful.
"Well. No." He shrugged.
"Then what the hell do we do?" My words were crisp and deliberate. The Doctor was pretty tall, but I was almost certain I could still jump the distance I needed to throttle him pretty well. Except it wasn't the Doctor, it was the voice interface. Dammit.
Could I throttle a voice interface?
I had slapped one. That had actually been pretty satisfying. Maybe…
"Oy!" He stepped back, apparently onto my whole violent mood. "No need to get snippy with me. I'm not the one who got us into this mess."
Right. That would be me. I had gotten us into this mess. Jeez, when the voice interface wanted to kick you where it hurt, well…it hurt. I filed that under something to be miserable about later, you know, when I was luxuriating on my couch.
"Okay, I'm sorry," I let out a shaky sigh. Might as well fail first before I totally lose my shit. "Do you have any suggestions on what to do?" I was trying to keep my voice even, less hostile. Though, I got the feeling I wasn't entirely successful. Boo-hoo. Voice interface Doctor was just going to have to put up with my crabby ass for now. We all have problems.
"Well, theoretically…" he trailed off, looking guilty. Urge to kill rising… "You should be able to communicate with him now. It's sort of in the same vein as humans trying to absorb information while they're sleeping. Hypnotic suggestion, I believe."
"Does that actually work?" All those years in French class, retaining absolutely nothing. Why didn't anyone tell me there was a way to cheat? The Doctor laughed, but his grin quickly faded as I glared him down.
"Well, no," he cleared his throat, regaining his composure. "But that's because they're unconscious."
Just two quick steps. That's all I needed and my hands would be around his throat. Oddly enough, I wasn't sure I had the strength to strangle him, but I'd give it a good go.
"But," he raised his hands pleadingly. "The Professor might be aware. Since he's technically separated apart from the body consciousness. So…the odds are…well. It might work."
It might work. You know. Maybe. Which was only a stones throw away from 'it won't really work at all, go ahead and start screaming'. I guess it might work marginally better than shooting him out of a spaceship and leaving him to die, but, only by a little.
"Okay," I said, focusing on taking small calming breaths. It wasn't really helping. "If it doesn't work, I'm going to…" It dawned on me pretty quickly that I didn't have any particular threat in mind. What? Burst into tears? Cry for my mommy? Kick the outside of the box we were traveling in? The Doctor looked just as skeptical as I was feeling. "Well, I don't know what scares a voice interface, but you can bet your ass I'm going to find out." I jabbed my finger in his chest sternly. He opened his mouth to argue but I cut him off. "Before that though, thank you." I had watched enough sci fi movies to know that you don't really want to piss off the machines. They'll turn on you. Also, I had to admit, I would have been totally screwed without him. Her. It. In fact, I probably would still be sitting in this room, crying like a baby. He looked startled for a moment.
"You're welcome," a smile curled up the corner of his lips. "Best get on with it."
"Here goes." What was 'going' exactly, I wasn't really sure. I marched over to where Rassilon was sitting, propped up, but definitely still unconscious. That was important, because I wasn't willingly going to get within a football field of him while he was alert again. I had burned through all of my courage for the day. That was it, finito. Anything else went wrong, I was taking the low road and shrieking like a ninny. I bet I was really good at that.
I knelt next to the chair, feeling somewhat self conscious about trying to talk to an unconscious lump when I had an audience. Oh well, the longer I dwaddled here, the longer I had to wait for my damned couch.
"Koschei?" I spared a glace over my shoulder and the Doctor gave an encouraging nod. "I don't know if you can hear me. I hope you can. The Doc- Er. The TARDIS said you might be able to. That's complicated, so don't ask about it…even though you can't." I grabbed his hand. "God I feel like an ass. Especially if you can't hear me. Well, I guess not if you can't hear, because-"
This was spiraling in a tragic circle of awkwardness.
"Anyway. We're going to try and wake you up. We've got a plan to…well. Yeah, I don't understand the plan. That's also complicated. But…whatever it is, you need to wake up in control. Because if you're not, well, big surprise, the whole plan goes to shit. So you better focus on some real happy god damn thoughts. Otherwise you're going to end up in a pocket watch. Don't ask me to explain that either. Regardless. If you screw this up for us, I'm going to make damn sure that the rest of your life as a watch is going to be miserable. I don't have a plan for that yet, but it probably involves dropping you in the ocean. So. You know, try hard." It was probably my least encouraging speech I had ever given. "Please." Even the unconscious time lord had to have heard the desperation in my voice.
"That should be enough, don't want Rassilon waking up on his own." A waft of ammonia struck my nose before I realized the Doctor was right behind me, shoving a small cannister into our captive's face.
"Ugh, what is that?" My eyes started to water and my nose was burning like I had snorted some hot sauce flavored Pixy Stix.
"Smelling salts." The Doctor grinned.
"Where did you get smelling salts?"
"Where did I get anything in here?" He frowned at me like I was an idiot. Which was a pretty fair estimation. Maybe it had been a stupid question.
"Right, radiation."
"Fitz…" I realized with some alarm that the hand I was holding was suddenly gripping mine tighter and tighter. Painfully so. That probably wasn't a good sign. "I'm going to make you so sorry." He growled. Okay, that was probably also not a good sign. I turned around slowly and faced him, plastering a smile on my face.
"You just slipped and fell," I swallowed, it was a pretty terrible excuse but I wasn't having a lot of coherent thoughts crouching this close to a murderous lunatic. He glowered at me, strain marking his features.
"When I tell you to run, you listen." There was something decidedly less sinister about the way he was glaring. Still angry, but in a way I recognized. "As soon as I get out of this, I'm going to put you in a cage and you're never going to get into trouble again. Ever."
"Koschei," I said, relieved, unable to help the pathetic little smile that crawled across my lips. He was here, safe. But that wasn't quite right, because he was shaking, badly. And it looked like he was in a lot of pain. "You're just lucky I listen to any of the things you say."
"I don't think I remember that ever happening." He muttered. "What the hell were you thinking?" Alright, so he was in pain, but he was still mad with me. So that made him, exponentially madder than he seemed. So…I was still glad for the straps.
"I was just trying to bag another time lord. I've got a whole collection going." If I could just keep being snide, I wouldn't have to focus on how Koschei looked like he was on the brink of death. A sheen of sweat broke out over his forehead and his jaw clenched and unclenched periodically. "What do you think idiot? I was trying to save you."
"Well, don't next time." He growled halfheartedly, whatever strength he was putting into fighting off Rassilon, it seemed to be fading.
"Likewise." I shot back.
"My, aren't you both…unpleasant." The Doctor popped up. "Are we going to do the thing?"
"Doctor?" Koschei frowned. "How-"
"No, not the Doctor. Very complicated. I believe I heard her explain it. Sort of. Anyway, try to keep up. Important thing to do." He turned to the controls next to the chair Koschei was strapped to and started to spin all sorts of colorful dials, and then returned to the helmet to do a similar bout of fiddling. I couldn't have replicated it if I tried. "Now," he said, turning his focus back to Koschei. "I have to warn you. This is going to hurt. A bit." He thought about it a moment and then shrugged. "Well, more than a bit, really. It's rather excruciating."
"Share some of the Doctor's more annoying traits, do you?" Koschei muttered through clenched teeth.
"Yeah, you just sit there and be snide." I said in my least supportive voice.
"And try not to think about how much it's going to hurt." The Doctor added, unhelpfully.
"Maybe it'd help if you didn't talk." I glared at him.
"Right. Yes. Okay, on with it then. I'd step back if I were you." The Doctor looked sheepish as he pulled me away. Koschei made a real effort to release his death grip on my hand, only to reassert it on the armrests. Grinding his teeth together, he took a deep breath. And then he gave the Doctor a short nod. I hadn't realized he had been waiting for his okay.
"Good luck." The Doctor said before flipping a large red switch. The effect was immediate. The machine wasn't just humming now, it was crackling with life, and the helmet itself started to glow. But I wasn't thinking about that, because Koschei was screaming. Not the high pitched girly squeal that I would have made, but the guttural scream of immense pain. It was horrible. Really really horrible.
I clamped my hands over my ears like a coward, but I never took my eyes off of Koschei. It didn't matter anyway, because I was pretty sure I was never going to forget that sound for as long as I lived. His head shot back and he continued to shake, and howl. It went on forever.
But then it stopped. Like a balloon, all the tension suddenly deflated out of his body and he slumped in the straps again.
"Koschei?" There was an edge of panic to my voice as I lowered my hands from my ears. Except it wasn't just an edge. It was a whole wall. And I was butting my head into it over and over again. "Koschei!" I shouted as I returned to his side. He wasn't moving, or breathing. That was bad. I started to shake him but he just flopped uselessly in his restraints. This was really really bad. My fingers felt numb as I unstrapped him, no longer giving a damn if Rassilon reared his ugly head. He looked so weak in that chair, so diminished. My hands shook as I pulled him out of that stupid machine. Everything was loads harder to see, when had my vision gone blurry? Oh, right, that would be those fat useless tears that were dribbling down my face. I sniffed importantly and brushed away at them, pretending my lower lip wasn't wobbling like a pouting toddler.
When I released the strap around his chest, he slid to the floor, slower with me grabbing at his shoulders, but his body still hit the ground with a heavy thump. He laid there, completely still. Now would be a good time to turn into that hysterical bundle of insanity. I clutched at his shirt and shook him. Denial was an incredibly powerful drug.
"Koschei, time to get up you stupid ass. I know you think you're teaching me a lesson about listening, you smug bastard. But if you don't get up right now I'm going to make you regret ever finding me in the street. Koschei!" I shook his shoulders again. "Do you hear me? Serious regrets! I'm not joking!" I was rambling, and he was starting to glow yellow.
Wait.
Why the fuck was he glowing?
"What-?" I couldn't form a thought more coherent than that.
"You should step away from him." The Doctor said in a worried tone. A worried and defeated tone. No. That couldn't be, defeat implied that we had lost. It implied that Koschei wasn't going to start breathing again. I wasn't ready for that. That was not happening. Seriously. Absolutely not.
Lalalalalalalala. I can't hear you.
"Please," there was that desperate pathetic pleading again. God, I was such a little ninny. "Please don't leave."
"No, seriously." The Doctor was gripping my arm now, pulling me away. I struggled against him but I felt so drained, so tired of fighting. Besides, what was the freaking point? You just lose. On top of that, seriously, what the hell was he turning all golden for? "Not a lot of time to explain. Bit of a thing that's got to happen."
I swatted at his arms, but he was entirely too crafty and I lost my grip on Koschei as he started to pull me across the slick floor.
"But we have to help him!" I shouted, maybe if I could get loud enough he would listen. No. No maybe's. He was going to listen if I had anything to say about it.
"It's alright." The Doctor insisted. "Well, it's not alright in the strictest sense, but he'll be okay. Sort of." None of the things coming out of his mouth were reassuring. The light was growing so bright I had to shield my eyes with my hand. "It's a time lord thing. Just give it a moment." But now when I tried to look back, the light was so intense that even my hand didn't block it out. It was like some kind of explosion that turned into an instant migraine. I thought, with the time lord problem solved, I'd be done with those.
"See? Everything is fine." The Doctor said. I realized he had let me go and opened my eyes again. The light had gone, though there were still spots dancing in my vision. Koschei was still slumped where I had left him…except…
I blinked twice, wondering if maybe the light had done something funny to my eyes.
"Who the hell is that?" I blurted out when the figure laying there didn't change. I crossed the room again, staring down at him. He was…he was taller. And his hair was darker, longer. Curly.
No. That wasn't really right. He wasn't just changed, he was completely different. This was a totally different person laying on the floor where I had left Koschei. There was some kind of magic trapdoor. That was what made the most sense. Sort of.
No. Not really at all.
"Seriously, who is this?"
"It's the Professor." The Doctor said, but he frowned. "I don't suppose any of them told you about regeneration?"
"I…no." How could it be the Professor? I knelt down next to him, too exhausted to stand. This was definitely not him. This was a totally different man. I did notice, however, that this man was breathing. And I was sort of staring at him.
His face was a mix of sharp angles and soft edges. It was long and a pale milky color that I expected from someone who had spent their life in a basement. His hair was a brown curly mess, long enough that the bangs had fallen across his brow. It couldn't be him. It wasn't.
Why was I still arguing? Who was I arguing with? Of course it wasn't him, I knew that. For some reason, I just needed to keep reminding myself. Over and over again. Because some voice in my head was questioning it. But it wasn't. This was a stranger.
I told myself that a few more times as I brushed the hair back from his face and cradled his cheek.
No. Seriously. Stop. Because it can't be.
Then where did he go?
"Yeah. The Doctor does that, leaves it till the last minute. It's rather unfortunate to see that it's habit forming among the time lords."
"What happened? What is this?" I turned back to face the Doctor, still holding the man who may or may not be Koschei. I didn't have any idea which was I was leaning at this point.
"Well, time lords can live for a very long time. One of the ways they do that is by regenerating." The Doctor was picking up on my ignorance pretty quickly. Which was great, because I didn't really feel like explaining it. "Blimey, you are new, aren't you? Anyway, they're fairy hearty as a species. But, not invincible. They've got a trick, just before they die. They sort of, rebirth themselves. New form, but same memories. The energy heals whatever mortal wounds they've suffered. That's why he doesn't look the same."
That was mush. Noodles and mush that he's trying to feed into my brain. Too bad for him my brain was roughly the same consistency. A big puddle of senseless incomprehension.
"That doesn't make any sen-" My words died in my throat as a hand snatched at mine and I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"I'm afraid I have to ask what exactly it is you think you're doing?" A low voice rumbled from behind me. It was coming from the stranger on the floor. I looked back to see blue green eyes glaring up at me, his long fingers still gripping my wrist tightly.
"Koschei? Are you alright…?" This was a complete stranger, there was nothing familiar about him. At all. And I was already calling calling him-
"How did you know my name?" He scowled at me suspiciously.
