Chapter 28:
"So what was that about?" Edward asked me as I sat down beside him on the couch.
"As if you weren't listening." I said.
"Well I had to, I was dying of curiosity." He told me. I didn't buy it, I saw right through his "curiosity"
"You thought she might attack didn't you! Aw, look at you still trying to save me even though I'm unbreakable?"
"It's all I know."
I playfully nudged his shoulder. "It's okay with me." I told him.
"So...you're friends now?"
I thought about that. It was quite the chat I with Rose. She welcomed me to the family, we bonded...while working on a car no less! "Better. Sisters." I told him and smiled widely. He placed his arm around my shoulders.
I leaned into him and put my head on his shoulder. I breathed in deep. "Seriously, do you know how good you smell?" I asked.
He looked down at me and sniffed my hair and sighed, "I have an idea.." he said.
I sat there in his arms for hours. It was early in the morning now, the sun wasn't even up. Time didn't matter much to me anymore. The only thing that was changing now was the shift from dark to night, I had no use for sleep, no worries of getting older, all I had was eternity in Edwards arms. Neither one of us shifted for hours, perfectly content and comfortable. Vampires didn't have to move, I understood now why Edward and the rest of the family shifted every once in a while, it wasn't very human like not to fidget. Realizing this I lifted my hand and began to trace the muscles of his arm that was holding my other hand. Then for good measure I crossed my legs...it felt funny, unnecessary, I giggled.
"That was very human like."
"I noticed you guys doing it. I decided to practice."
Just as I finished my sentence Jasper walked by and glared at us on the couch. I froze watching him pass, I stopped breathing and instantly became wary. My senses were on alert, did Jasper want to attack me? What was the look for? When he left the house swiftly through the front door I turned to look at Edward. He wasn't smiling but he wasn't unsmiling...he looked smug but worried..."what is it?" I asked.
His face changed to hide his worry now he only smiled, "He was blocking his mind from me."
"Okay...what do you think he was thinking?"
"I don't know."
I rolled my eyes, "You've spent over a hundred years reading peoples thoughts and seeing the reactions that go along with them and you're telling me you can't even give the slightest guess as to what's in his head because he is blocking you out? Oh you poor baby! I feel so sorry for you. You know regular people feel like that all the time." I chided him.
"Well I have a guess, but just for the baby comment I'm not telling you. You should ask him."
"Wait let me get this straight you are now sending me to the dangerously glaring 200 year old vampire?"
"Yes. Don't be such a baby. He won't actually hurt you...I don't think." he mocked.
I stood up shaking out of his arms. "Fine. I'll go elsewhere for answers." and I turned and headed up the stairs.
"She won't help you." he said quietly as I ignored him and headed into Alice's room.
I was about to knock when I heard her call "Come on in Bella."
I should have known really, of course she saw me coming. "Hey Alice."
"what's up chicken butt?" she asked as she bounced sitting up in the bed.
I hopped down beside her. "Oh ya know...just wondering what's up with Jasper."
"What do you mean?"
"Well at first when we came home he had come closer to me than he ever had before, he hugged me, welcomed me gladly. I thought it was going to be different, he and I could be friends, but he's been so distant ever since we told them how old..or young...whatever I was."
I waited for a response but she didn't say anything so I continued and got my true fear out there, "Just now he was headed out, and he gave me the death glare, he looked violent. Alice, I think Jasper hates me."
That got a response, instantly she contradicted me, "He doesn't hate you Bella."
"How do you know?"
"Jasper doesn't hate you."
"Says you."
"Don't you trust me?"
"Yes but you're not giving me a reason to believe he doesn't hate me when clearly he does. I can see it in his eyes."
"Well it's not really my place I suppose. All I can say is he doesn't hate you."
"So how am I supposed to find out whats wrong, how do I fix this?"
"You could always ask him. He's hunting right now, go find him."
I rolled my eyes and sighed as I began to head out the door, "What is with this family and sending me right to the source of the issue? SInce when did we get so logical?"
I was down the stairs when I finished my rant. "That's the spirit." I heard her say.
I playfully glared at Edward as I headed to the door, "What not coming to eavesdrop? Protect me from the big bad Jasper?"
"No. I'd like to see you handle this on your own without your knight in shining armor." I squinted my eyes in response and sauntered off into the woods.
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I ran for what I could only guess as about 40-45 minutes before I caught up with Jasper. I had followed his scent up the mountains and found him sitting out on a cliff looking out on the valley below. It was an extraordinary site. Peaceful. I could see why he would come here.
"Jasper?" I asked as I paused about 100 feet away.
He didn't move, he didn't turn to look at me. "Sent you to find me did they?"
"They pushed me, but I wanted to come."
You don't have to be afraid Bella.
"I'm not afraid."
"Empath Bella, remember?"
"Right. Silly me." I went about 2/3's of the way closer still on alert. and I went silent.
Finally Jasper moved, he turned and looked over his shoulder at me, "You can calm down, I'm not going to attack you."
I blinked judging whether I could trust him. He looked at me calmly and I waited. He didn't use his gift to calm me, he was going to let me decide for myself whether I would trust him. He was trusting me to trust him. "Thanks." I said in reference to not using his gift he nodded and patted the rock beside him.
I closed the space quickly and sat down. I closed my eyes and slowly opened them. I took in the scenery, breathed the fresh air that flowed here. "Beautiful isn't it?" he asked.
"Incredible." I said, I was relaxed, calm, I felt no tension with Jasper. I was still confused but I knew he would be open to telling me what was wrong. "How did you find this place?"
"I come here after hunting, before hunting, when I need time to think, when I'm hiding from Alice and her shopping adventures." We laughed.
"I can see why, it's so peaceful up here, just you above the whole world."
"You sort of have a God complex don't you?" he asked jokingly.
"Maybe a little." I replied back still joking. This was very peculiar, for an empath he was a master at jumping back and forth between emotions, one minute he was staring at me like he wanted to kill me and now he was teasing me?
"I know I'm confusing you. I can feel it. I'm sorry."
"No Jasper, I'm sorry, whatever I've done to upset please tell me. Maybe I can fix it, make sure I don't do it again."
He surprised me and laughed, "No Bella I don't think I would even allow you to fix it."
I looked at him more confused than ever..."Then...what? Why?"
"What did you do? Well...did anyone tell you my story? I know you know Rose's and Edward's, Alice's is a mystery and Emmett's is closely tied to Rose's."
"No, all I know of your story is that you were in the civil war and were new to this life...this diet."
"That's correct, I was changed when I was a soldier and the good soldier I was, when I was turned I became a soldier again. I fought in Vampire/Vampire wars for many years. I was second in command for many of those years until one day I was fed up. War was not worth the torture I felt, no - not the scars, though they hurt very much, but the pain of killing innocent people everyday. It was a living hell. I went off and roamed for a few years, hiding from my maker when she came looking and keeping contact with no one. Until one day I went into a diner. I walked in and she hopped off her stool and came up to me, "You've kept me waiting." she said. I did what any southern gentleman would do and nodded my head and said "I'm sorry ma'am." She extended her hand and I took it. For the first time in a century I felt hope."
"Alice..." I murmured.
"Yep."
"That's beautiful Jasper, I mean tragic with the war but you got your happy ending!"
He nodded and looked solemnly out across the valley. "I suppose that doesn't really answer my reason for staying away from you and acting as I have...I'm sorry about that by the way, I realize I am being extremely rude. It's just, Bella when I was in the wars I dealt with newborns. Alice told you that, yes? She doesn't even know the full extent of that life I led. I was the one to train them into fighters, into bloodthirsty cutthroat murderers. It was terrible. I saw first hand what newborns were like, feeding on anything that moved, killing each other for looking the wrong way, or acting on their impulses. Seeing you - a newborn, taking it so...well. With so much civility is disconcerting. I myself am a newborn in a sense, I spend over a century feeding on humans and now I'm struggling to feed on animals, you noticed yes when I had to keep my distance during your human life. You do it without batting an eyelash. I guess I'm sort of jealous that is seems to come so easily to you. You make me question everything I thought I knew. I could never let someone so pure and innocent fix this mistake that is not theirs. I now believe the mistake is mine." He sighed and looked at me. "You just made me wonder if it really is as hard as I make it out to be, am I weak? Or do I just have the wrong attitude?"
I wanted to comfort him but I didn't know what to say, I felt so sorry for his life before Alice. She was his lifeboat, just as her and Edward were mine. I understood what he meant about me not being able to fix it. I would have to slip and kill a human...he would never allow me to.
"You know, it probably is as hard as you think. I'm only able to keep away because of my head, Carlisle and Edward think it's my ability...avoiding human blood."
"I know but...I still wonder..."
I grabbed his hand, "I can tell you that I think you are amazingly strong, Jasper. Before my power kicked in I had smelled human blood, it was amazing, it made my mouth water and I wanted a taste so bad, my throat burned at the scent. I could only imagine how hard it is to smell that everyday and avoid taking the taste. I don't really think I'd be able to do it. You are very brave Jasper." I squeezed his hand.
He looked up to my eyes, seeing only truth, sincerity, "Thanks Bella. You're very kind." and he looked away again thinking. I kept his hand in mine. He didn't seem to mind and neither did I.
Suddenly I thought..."Jasper...I wonder, did you train newborns with abilities?"
"Yes..some...why?"
"Well could you train me?"
"TO FIGHT?" he yelled.
"No...well yes I suppose that would help, if something happened...it would help if I wasn't completely useless. We'd have to keep it from Edward of course, but I was actually thinking of training me to use and develop my ability. Understand it...who knows maybe eventually I could use it to help you, help all of us? Keep us from ever breaking our diet and having to uproot everyone if one of us slipped."
He thought for a moment. "Yes, I suppose we could try. Keep the fighting from Edward, of course you won't have a problem with it but I will have to work on blocking my thoughts better. It will take me a while to figure out what to do to develop your gift, I'll have to do some reading."
I squealed as Alice would have, "Excellent! Thank you Jasper! Thank you!" I gave him a hug.
"Let's go hunt newborn." he said to me.
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A few days later Carlisle called me into his office.
"Ah Bella," he said when I entered, "please sit down."
I felt like I was being asked into the principles office. I sat down in his leather guest chair across from his desk. I had never been in his office before, it was filled with books, more than the Forks library had I'd bet.
"How are you feeling?" he asked me.
"Fine."
He smiled, "You said that a lot when you were human. What I meant is how do you feel in terms of your 'recovery'?"
"Oh! Are you saying I could go home? I can start school again!" I heard Alice scream in joy as my voice raised. "Not that I don't love it here, you know I do, you're family but Charlie is also family, he's all alone. He hasn't seen me in almost 3 weeks."
"Yes, yes, dear I know. I think - if you're feeling up to it, if your ability is still making you invulnerable to human blood, then you could go home and yes start school again."
"It is! I was at the mall again yesterday with Alice! No problem! I can do this."
"Bella, it's going to be hard. You are going to have to watch what you say, how you act, everything has to be impeccable to keep our secret."
"I understand."
"Lets give you a few days more to practice acting human, I know it's sounds silly, you were just a human not too long ago, but you'd be surprised at how much your actions have changed."
I nodded as he showed me out the door. I was ready. I would pick up everyone's tips and be as flawless as them. I would work on moving at human speed as well - I had the most trouble with it, I just was in super fast mode all the time. I left Carlisle in the hallway as I headed to Edward's room. I wanted to start right now. When I got to his room he, Rose, Alice and Jasper were waiting. They knew what I wanted.
"Okay," I said, "Let the lessons begin."
They all began to shout instructions at me at the same time. "Shhh...one at a time. Let's do this right." They boys then decided to set up a lesson plan and I sat down beside Rose while I waited. "Where's Emmett?" I asked.
She began to laugh, "He wasn't allowed to come, he really wouldn't have been much help. He finds it hilarious when you do vampire things."
I laughed with her, that did sound like my big bear of a brother.
When the boys were ready we began with the sitting thing. Something easy they had said. Sitting, I can do sitting right?
Not too still, I was told, fidget with your nails, scratch your neck, play with your hair, cross your legs, uncross your legs, move your head around. "BELLA YOU ALSO HAVE TO BREATHE!" Alice scolded and I could hear Emmett laughing loudly somewhere downstairs. I began to breathe, every 2 seconds, then I was told to blink every 3-8 seconds. It was a lot to remember but I had enough room in my head, i was amazed at how much information I was able to keep cramming in there with an abundance of space left over.
Next we moved on to movements. We decided to move outside when I had accidentally broke Edward's door, I had ripped it right off the hinges when I was trying to SLOW down my actions... I'd have to apologize to Esme later.
We went out into the side yard. They set up a little obstacle course for me. I was to start sitting down, walk to the garden steps, walk to the fallen tree, climb over it, walk to the stream, bend down and splash the water around, pick up a rock and throw it. Then there were sports equipment I would have to use. Now this was silly to me because I had never been good at sports as a human, but I was told that we have gym every year at Forks and I would have to learn to do it all at human pace again...just not as clumsily. The first couple times I went through the course walking I was moving very fast, I was nervous, Jasper calmed me down and I tried again, I had slowed significantly but I was still a tad too fast for human walking. I tried about ten more times before I could do it perfectly.
Then the hard part came, I had to do it running. It was pitch black when I finished. I had moved so fast so many times in the track that I practically burnt a trail through the yard. Again I would have to apologize to Esme for that. Eventually Emmett came out with us and laughed at me the entire time, his favourite part was when I was trying to toss the rocks or kick a soccer ball, each going inhumanly far. I threw one rock right through a tree and even popped a soccer ball or four.
This was a lot harder than it looked. But by morning I could to it all perfectly. I would continue to practice the next few days and then I would go home to Charlie.
Edward:
Bella was incredibly determined to accomplish the human actions. She was so cute when her face would scrunch up in concentration or she would look at me sternly. She was very sexy, especially when she screwed up and got angry at herself or Emmett and Jasper for laughing. There were no angry tears like before when she could actually produce them, now it was just her jaw set and eyes flashing with passion. Incredible. The entire day and night I just wanted to take her in my arms and never let her go. I wanted to crash my lips on to hers and feel them moving as one. I was sure she wouldn't be opposed to a break or two but Jasper was the one to keep me in line. Edward would you please stop thinking whatever you are thinking! I keep having the urge to throw Alice aside and make out with Bella! Oops. I apologized with a look and saved that thinking for later.
Morning came and Bella was perfectly tuned. As we came inside I led her upstairs. As she walked into my room she saw her reflection in my mirror. Her face fell.
"Bella love, what's wrong?" I asked rushing to her, I wrapped my arms around her and stood behind her. She looked up and we were both in the mirror. I kissed her neck as she put her hand on mine.
"It's my eyes. They are so scary looking. I don't want to frighten Charlie, or the kids at school."
"Well Charlie has an excuse for that, and everyone else will hear the same. They will buy the story Bella. You have nothing to worry about."
"You know me, I worry."
"Even as a vampire you are self conscious?"
"My Achilles heal." she said joking.
She was joking but I saw the truth, "You still cannot see your beauty clearly? Even with your perfect vision?"
"No, I can, I do, I know I'm not plain anymore. I think I'm just nervous for going back to school. I was very unhappy you know. I had no friends, nobody to talk to for a very long time. You don't just get rid of the fear of people not liking you."
I kissed her neck some more, "It" kiss, "would", kiss, "be", kiss, "impossible" kiss, "to not" kiss, "like you." I stopped and looked into her eyes through the mirror, "To not love you." I said sincerely.
"Thanks Edward...."
"Did that not help?"
"You might have to continue to kiss me better." she said dramatically.
And I did, though I never took my eyes off of hers in the mirror.
"Really, thank you though. I just wish I could get rid of the amber colour, it will certainly frighten people, draw attention."
I paused. She stared back at me. "What? What is it?" she asked.
"Your eyes..."
"What about my eyes?"
"They...changed colour."
"What? How could they?" she looked in the mirror. She blinked. She blinked again. "That's not normal right?"
"Nope." I said simply. She turned away briefly to glare at me, "What? It isn't!" I said laughing.
Carlisle came in the room and Bella spun around. "Are they a different colour?"
He looked and had his pen light out flashing it in her eyes. Left then right and back again. "They are definitely different. There is significantly less red in there. Bella how did you..?"
"I have no freaking clue." she said whipping around to look in the mirror.
They were shades lighter, definitely more golden than red now.
We were silent for a few minutes when Carlisle broke it.
"I wonder if it has to do with her ability...our minds control bodily functions...a thousand times enhanced with her vampire senses...perhaps...perhaps it can control her eye colour?" Carlisle mused.
"That sounds logical actually...Bella you are incredible..." I said.
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Alice:
A few days later after Bella's first crash course in acting human, we were getting ready for school. It was Monday and Bella would be returning home to Charlie after school was out.
I went to her and Edward's room to find her sitting brushing her hair.
"Bella.." I said as I entered the room.
"Hi Alice."
"Why so glum chum?"
She cracked a small smile, "I'm just nervous. People are going to talk about me...my change."
"They're not going to even come close to the truth."
"I know that, but I don't like being talked about no matter what the truth is you know?"
"I do know. And you're right, they will talk. But will you choose to listen?"
She thought about that for a moment, then she looked up determined, "No, I chose this life, I chose you. I chose this family. I'm happy... Let them talk."
"Atta girl." and I dragged her out of her seat and down the stairs.
She seriously brightened up as she saw the Mini. Edward was driving Rose, Emmett and Jasper and Bella would drive me. She kissed Edward and slid into the drivers seat beside me.
She flew out the garage behind him and down the driveway. We were at the school in minutes. Bella was parked beside Edward with her head against the wheel. She was taking deep breaths.
"Ready lady?" I asked after a little while.
She looked up at me, "Now or never right?"
"That is correct." I drawled.
Her breath gushed out and Edward opened the door for her and offered his hand.
