Well...I'm back. It would seem that my time to write is more limited though I fully intend on continuing with this story and all the rest that I have posted. So thank you to everyone who has been patiently waiting for this chapter along with all the people who have taken the time to read and review up until this point. I can't stress enough how much this all means to me and how much I truly appreciate it. Thanks so much, guys!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Series though I do in fact own the plot to Bound By love, along with the extra characters I add in.
"Is-Is-ISABELLA!" Trevor's ringing shout seemed to echo as I knelt by him in utter despair. This wasn't right; he didn't deserve this. There had to have been a way that I could have saved him instead of allowing this fate to take over without his say in the matter.
I was always receiving a better life when I had chosen to become what I was. But what was Trevor supposed to gain in his changing other than the realization of our existence?
I didn't know what to say, or what to do, to try and sooth his searing pain. I had gone through it all before and though the memory was vivid I could never find a time in which I had believed there to be any amount of relief until the transformation was complete; I could no longer help the unsuspecting human.
My hands covered my face-hiding the amount of misery I was feeling-as my fingers tried to dig into my now stronger flesh. I felt as though I needed pain to ever receive redemption from what I had caused. I wanted the pain to distract me from what I was already feeling. I didn't want to feel his pain; I wanted to feel my own.
Edward was at my side instantly removing my hands and I felt dangerously exposed as he met my gaze head-on. I didn't want him to know how I felt or how excruciatingly terrible all was for me.
"Love, it's going to be alright." His voice was nearly inaudible as a choking began to fill in the rest of the sound. The sounds weren't coming from Trevor which sent a momentary wave of fear to wash over me. That was, until I realized that the choking was coming from me.
My eyes were stinging with tears that would never shed, no matter how hard they tried. I didn't know who I was weeping for the most; myself, or Trevor. With both such tightly interlaced events it was hard to decipher which one hurt the worst.
I crawled out of Edward's grasp and I could tell he was allowing me as much room as possible no matter how reluctant he was to do so.
My hand softly caressed Trevor's face as I wiped away the tears that he was shedding; completely unaware.
The smell of his blood no longer called for the monster within me to attack. I had already done my harm and I didn't need to inflict any more of it.
"Trevor, I know you can hear me. You're going to be fine and I'm not going to leave your side," My eyes met with Edward's again; showing him that I refused to leave the human's side. Edward nodded stiffly and I continued.
"There's much to explain, though I'm sure you can handle it. There's nothing for you to worry about and once the pain is gone, we're going to talk about this. Just know that you are safe and I won't let anything happen." I whispered, willing my words to be nothing more than the truth.
Trevor's body was shaking and turning in ways that should not be made possible. It was sickening to watch as he fought to keep his eyes open. They stared back at me evenly, pleading for me to stay.
I took a firm grasp on his hand careful all the while not to move it the wrong way. I knew he wouldn't understand how cold my skin was but that didn't matter anymore.
He squeezed my fingers in a way that would've broken them had I been human. If only he knew how strong he was though all his pain. I wanted to reassure him but I wasn't able to, as the choking sound filled the air again.
I didn't know what drove him-what had changed Edward's emotions-as he shifted to my side in a matter of seconds. His arm was carefully draped over me and his face was only inches from my own. Somehow, his expression seemed to mirror mine-though I guessed that his pain was only caused by mine rather than anyone else's.
I needed a distraction before Edward would truly catch on to what I was feeling.
"Edward, your family believed I was returning to Italy; didn't they?" I murmured. I didn't have to ask the question; so much as I needed reassurance in my assumption.
He nodded in unspoken answer. "But, why would they believe that?" His eyes were filled with such sorrow that I wished I had never brought my thoughts to life. This was always why I was grateful he couldn't read my thoughts; what I was thinking would always hurt him too much. All I could do was hurt the people I cared for.
"Alice didn't know what to believe. If you've seen the future countless times as she has…you learn to block out you own beliefs and try and see the bigger picture of the vision." There was no bigger picture; I was who I always had been and I wasn't quick to betray.
"Edward, you believed it too. I could see it in your eyes. I just don't understand how you could believe that. How you could be so quick to believe I would betray you. I loved you. Edward; I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you in that way." His expression changed to one I had become familiar with when I had first returned. I hated to remember the burning man he had once been; but that was where his expression was headed.
"Loved," He picked out the one word I had missed; he had picked up on my mistake. It wasn't that I didn't love him now-because there was no way I could hide that-it was more that, I hated the amount of doubt he had centered on me.
"I still love you; that wasn't what I meant when I said that." I was quick to reassure but that only left him with more questions. I wanted to allow him access to my mind and understand my true meaning but that left me more vulnerable than I could stand in that instant.
"Then…what did you mean?" His velvety voice was thick with curiosity as I strived for the right words to explain; the words to set me free of the hole I was quickly digging for myself.
"It's more that; I hate the amount of doubt you have in our relationship. It's not even our relationship that you doubt; it's me and that's what bothers me. You weren't going to fight for yourself or me when you found us. You weren't going to fight for what we had." I explained slowly.
"And, what was it that we had?"
"Everything; we had everything. Trust was the only thing lacking there of and I guess that was always our greatest problem. Call me foolish…but Edward; I think I want a break from this-from us. I can't have you doubting me and constantly second-guessing my decisions. Right now I need space and to help Trevor." I couldn't begin to explain why Trevor was still foremost in my concentration in that moment.
"Bella, I didn't doubt-," I held up my hand effectively cutting of his rebuttal. In an instant I had my shield down; temporarily leaving my mind open for his peering eyes. I recounted for him the scene that had played out and his lack of strength and faith in me. He hung his head and I shielded myself again before I could let him catch on to my other more private thoughts.
"You're right; I'm sorry; so sorry. You didn't deserve that and I-,"
"Edward; please." I begged. "I don't need this right now; can't you see I'm hurting? Can't you see that this is killing me watching him suffer? I will return to you, but I need time and I can't stress that enough." I muttered turning away from him. I didn't want to see how my words cut him.
In seconds air rushed by me and I was forced to turn back; but Edward had completely disappeared. Edward-my Edward-had changed in all the time that we had been separated and I was only just beginning to grasp that.
"Bella…?" Trevor's voice was no louder than a whisper and it took all my attention to even begin to understand what he had said. I knew how hard it was for him to speak and I didn't want him to feel that he had to.
"I'm here and I won't leave you. I'm so sorry for this. I'm so sorry for everything. You didn't deserve this; you don't deserve the life that I've been living." My voice broke several times until it was nearly unbearable to speak any further.
My words seemed to have helped to reassure him but his body took on more racking sobs and I pulled him closer into my side.
It wasn't that he was frail-but something about him made me want to protect him and ward off any pain that may come his way. Acting on instinct I brushed at his hair and removed it from his face as I held him close. I wanted nothing more than to take on his suffering and bear it as my own.
"You know…you actually remind me of my best friend. We aren't on close terms anymore…and I guess that's why I feel so attached to you; you're like him in ways that I hadn't expected. You know; I had once referred to him as my personal sun and I can tell that you're warm like that.
"I only wish that you and I had met under different circumstances…Perhaps, if you aren't furious with me once this is over…perhaps we can become friends as well.
"I want you to know that I had never intended for this outcome and that there will be hardship in your coming future but I'm going to be there for you regardless."
Somehow explaining my worries to him seemed to make the time pass along faster than it normally would have.
I noticed the small differences. Whenever I spoke Trevor was holding back his sobs trying forcefully to catch every word that my trilling voice might speak. But the second that I stopped he was back to the boy being torn up inside by a raging pain that no one should ever have to experience.
So, I continued to speak, to whisper, to hum, to sing. I tried anything to keep him comfortable and I refused to be torn away from him.
Seconds turned to minutes. Minutes turned to hours. Hours turned to days. I didn't count the time as it past, I only acknowledged the time as it was by the placement of the sun; nothing mattered anymore. Nothing I could do would fix my past or the hurt that I was feeling no matter how hard I tried to conceal it.
I wanted to disappear and allow everyone to forget my existence. I wanted Edward to live in a painless world where he wasn't constantly drawn to me. I wanted Alice to move on and find a new sister. I wanted my dad to stop worrying about me when I never returned home. I wanted to leave the world that I had once considered home.
Trevor's racing heartbeat slowed and I allowed some distance in between us as I waiting patiently. He sprung quickly to his feet peering around him seeing his surroundings in new light; in a new sight.
Finally, Trevor's suffering came to an end as he looked at me through new eyes. He had already crossed the area between us-the small gap I had created-and was reaching out to cup my face; I must have looked worse than I had believed.
"Thank you." He muttered. His voice was perfect-nearly as beautiful as I remembered Edward's being when I had first heard it.
I was indecisive as to what I should say or how to respond to him. His touch was warm to me though not as warm as it should have been-not as warm as it would have been had none of this happened.
"I'm sorry that you're going to have to go through this but I can't think of a better place for you then with the Cullen's. They are my family and I want you to stay with them until you understand completely; they will not hurt you." Plans were already beginning to take form in my head.
If I couldn't take on this new life than there had to be a way for me to bring an end to it instead. I knew it was overly-dramatic and dense on my part but I didn't want to live with myself anymore; I may have lived a short vampire life, but that didn't stop me from wanting it to end.
I didn't want to live the rest of life hoping that one day my family would learn to trust me again. I didn't want to live another day faced with their doubt in me. I didn't want to live a day knowing that Edward didn't have faith in our relationship when he was all I had ever wanted.
"Where are you going?" Trevor asked. He may have tried to conceal it, but pain was written all over his beautiful face. The hurt there, didn't seem right; such pain didn't belong with that much perfection-it wasn't right.
"I don't know. I'm going to bring you to them but I have to leave you when I get there. I'm only asking that you give the one with bronze hair and a pratonizing gaze-this. But, don't let yourself be intimidated by the burly one either; I like to think of him more as a big teddy-bear. None of them will harm you." I promised again.
My fingers toyed with the band on my left index finger. It didn't belong to me anyway; it belonged in Edward's family. It was his mother's ring and I shouldn't have ever been allowed to wear it on my hand.
Trevor glanced down at it and then back at me, nervously.
"We were engaged. I just…I can't face him anymore. Please; just do me this one favor. I know I don't have any right to ask this of you…but please." I begged. My eyes pleaded with him to do this one favor for me because I knew I would never be able to face the Cullen's again.
Sorry, I didn't have time to add on to this chapter as I intended to and therefore, I was forced to continue on into another chapter. So, I ask that you bear with me as I try and find the time to write and continue with the story. Thank you so much to everyone, and I'm truly sorry for where this chapter left of. As much as I would love to say more, I'm running out of time and therefore, I would just like to say; "Review and I'll get the next chapter out, really soon!"
