Chapter 28

(Madge POV)

He falls asleep so quickly and it fills me with relief. I was getting worried about him and knew he hadn't been sleeping right. Still, even after his breathing became rhythmic and a gentle snore came filled the air, I'd let my fingers keep tracing small circles against his skin. It seemed to have soothed him to sleep and a little part of me hoped that if I kept doing it, he'd sleep better. I so badly wanted him to get some rest. I'd continued for at least an hour before I myself drifted off to sleep.

When I awoke the next morning, he was still sound asleep. Seeing him there, out cold, made me smile. I gently pulled away from him and tucked the blanket around him. He looked so peaceful. So still. It's early but a few people around camp are up and moving around. Soon, I know everyone will be up and hunger will be an issue. Everyone went to bed without food last night. I hadn't eaten all day and my stomach was already panging for food. I decide to go see if I can find another one of those blackberry bushes that Gale had found the other day. If I can, then maybe I can bring back some fruit for breakfast.

I see that Mrs. Hawthorne is awake and down by the river's edge washing the clothing we'd found in the rubble yesterday. Prim is with her, helping. I walk down and tell Prim where I'm going. She's sitting on the rocks, laying the clothes out so they can dry in the sun. Mrs. Hawthorne has wadded out a little over knee deep and is busy scrubbing down a faded green shirt with one of the bars of soap. She looks up and smiles then quickly returns her attention to her work.

"Hey, I'm going to go look for some blackberry bushes or whatever other food I can find. I'll be back soon." I tell Prim.

"I hope you find something." She replies as she continues to wring out wet clothing and lay them against the rocks. She's polite and all but she just doesn't feel like Prim. Poor thing. Her heart must be so broken right now. She's lost so much and she's so young. I should try and spend some time with her soon. Maybe some girl time will help.

Out in the woods, I walk for awhile before I find anything. When I do, it's a scrawny bush with only a little fruit on it but just finding it makes me happy. I pick every single ripened berry. After, I stare down at them and figure it's only enough to feed maybe 1 or 2 of us. But where there's one blackberry bush, there's bound to be another, right? So, I bundle up my berries in the cloth scraps I brought with me and I keep walking, searching for more fruit. I luck out after about a half hour and find a massive bush, brimming with juicy, ripened berries. I let out an audible squeal and begin picking as fast as I can. If I hurry, I should be able to get these back to camp before everyone gets their day started.

I pick as much as I can carry and start heading back. After a few minutes, I realize that I've gotten myself a little turned around and now I'm lost. I don't panic though. Not yet anyway. I know I haven't travelled too far so I know I can find my way back. I just need to stop and make sure I'm going the right way. I look up at the sky to see where the sun is at. I know when I left camp, it was rising to my back. I remember that much. So, I need to walk towards it. Right? If I do that, then eventually, I'll hit the river, even if I end up a little down stream, I can follow the river back to camp.

I walk for awhile and it feels like too long. I should be running into the river by now and I'm not. Was I wrong about the sun? It was rising behind me this morning wasn't it? I stop and look around. The sun is up higher now. I figure I've been gone from camp about an hour and half. Maybe two. The panic is just starting to set in when I hear my name being called. Gale. It's Gale!

I call back out to him. "Gale! I'm over here!"

In seconds he's running towards me, his face is full of concern and also relief. First he grabs me and hugs me so tight I can barely breathe. Then he lets go and steps back.

"Where in the hell have you been?" He asks angrily.

I'm a little taken aback by his tone so I hesitate for a moment. "I…I went to get blackberries and I got a little turned around is all." I explain.

"I woke up and you were gone! You were just gone!" He yells.

Tears spring to my eyes and I move back a step. He's never been angry at me like this. "I'm sorry. I didn't plan to be gone so long. I…I just wanted to find some food for everyone."

He runs his hands over his face and lets out a big sigh. "Why didn't you wake me up? I would've come with you." He asks. He doesn't yell but his tone is still brimming with anger.

Through falling tears I explain. "You were sleeping so soundly and I know you needed the rest. I told Prim where I was going. And I really did mean to come right back."

"You told a 12 year old that you were going to go wondering around in the woods alone." He says flatly.

I feel downright terrible and all I want right now is to just go back to camp. "I said I was sorry." I tell him through my tears and brush past him heading in the direction he just came from.

"Wait." He calls out after me. I don't. I keep walking. He calls out to me again and catches up to me, grabbing hold of my arm to get me to stop.

"I really don't want to fight about this. I just want to get back to camp." I tell him without looking at him.

His arms close around me and his voice is soft again. Apologetic now. "I'm sorry for yelling. I'm sorry for being so angry."

"I just wanted to help." I sob into his chest.

"Can we sit for a minute?" He says as he pulls us down to the ground and me onto his lap. "Listen, I wanna explain why I flipped out like that."

I look up at him and his fingers brush over my cheeks to wipe away the tears that are still falling.

"Madge, when I woke up and you weren't there, I freaked out. I couldn't find you anywhere. And that…"He pauses and takes a deep breath. "That is terrifying for me. I can't handle you being out of my sight right now."

"I can't always be right there all the time Gale."

"I know that. I do. But Madge, a couple days ago, I thought I'd lost you. Thought you were dead. I don't know how to tell you, how to make you understand what that felt like for me. I just watched my best friend in the whole world die. I thought you died. I watched our district get burned to bits. I am terrified of losing you. Terrified to the freaking core that I'll lose you. I know it's irrational and all but I feel like I need you with me all the time." He explains and his voice cracks.

I look up and he quickly wipes away a few tears from his eyes. "Gale, I love you and I'm so sorry I scared you."

He kisses me, long and hard, holding tightly to my shoulders. "Love you." He says back with a breathless voice.

I kiss him again, eager and wanting more. He kisses back, mirroring my want for more of him. We both need this. We both need each other. He ends up breaking the kiss first, pulling back. "We should go back. Got a lot to talk about and a lot to do." He says.

We get up and I brush the dirt from my legs and pick up the bundle of berries I found. He notices it for the first time and takes it from me. "All this? Good job!"

"I figured everyone would be starving."

Back at camp, we quickly find I was right. The berries are well received by absolutely everyone and as we sit around eating them up, talk begins about what our plan should be. I lean in close to Gale, resting my weight against him as I do. His words from earlier run through my mind. It explains so much. Why he hasn't been going anywhere without me. Why he hasn't been sleeping very well until utter exhaustion took over. He's scared. And it makes sense to me. Everything he said makes sense to me. How losing practically everything can make you so scared of losing what little you have left. So I tell myself I'll do what I can to make sure he knows I'm here and with him totally and completely.

(Gale POV)

I roll over and the emptiness beside me brings me fully awake and alert instantly. She's gone. I'm on my feet with a quickness and search all around camp for her. Others are up and I ask a few if they've seen her but no one has. I check down by the river and see my mother. I ask her and she says she saw her earlier but isn't sure where she is now. My heart is racing and I feel like I can't breathe. Prim offers up that she went off in search of food. Food? She's out alone in the woods looking for food? Has she lost her mind?

I take off towards the woods and begin calling her name as loud as I can. I'm out there, searching in total panic, screaming her name for a good twenty minutes before I hear her call back to me. Everything in me relaxes and I run towards her voice. Seconds later I've got my arms around her and finally I can breathe again.

Then, as quickly as I'd been filled with relief, I feel fury building. I step back and unleash it on her without being able to control myself. I yell at her for taking off without telling me. As I'm yelling, I can clearly see I'm upsetting her, making her cry. I try to stop but I can't. I need her to know how much she scared me. I need her to know that I can't have her away from me. Not right now.

She tearfully apologizes and steps past me, heading towards camp. Shit. I'm such an ass. A total ass. I call out to her to wait. I need to explain and make her understand. I end up having to run after her and having to grab her. I pull her into a hug, pressing her against my chest. I'm so sorry for yelling at her and for the way I unleashed everything on her. She doesn't deserve that. She deserves an explanation.

So I tell her. I confess all my fear right there even as it pulls tears from my own eyes to admit it out loud. Saying it doesn't make it feel any easier. Doesn't make it any less awful or terrifying. But it does seem to help her understand why I've been acting so clingy.

I hold onto her and I kiss her. Really kiss her. God it's been so long since I really got to kiss her like this. It eases the fears and calms me down. And from the way she insistently kisses me back, I think she needs this too. But we don't have time for this. We need to get back to camp and help form the plan of what in the hell we're all gonna do.

I'm impressed when I see just how many berries she managed to find. She gathered enough for all of us to eat a little bit. As our camp mates sit around us eating and discussing the options, she leans against me and lovingly grazes her fingers over my knee. Already forgiving me for lashing out at her. It's part of what makes her so perfect, so wonderful. She's got such a huge heart.

"I think we should go through the rubble, see what else we can find. Take materials and stuff so we can start building some real shelters. Can't take many more nights on the ground like this."

"Rebuild here? Is that what everyone wants?" I ask.

"What else can we do? Besides, it's clear from the looks of that rubble that no Capitol folks come around here anymore. They've long since forgotten about the mess they left behind here."

"We could keep going. See what else we find further north." I offer up not because it's something I necessarily feel we should do but because I want to be sure we're considering all of our options.

"And what? Hope we come across another run down town? No way. I say we stay here and salvage what we can of this place."

"Alright. But we should vote. All in favor of staying put her and rebuilding?" I ask.

One by one, hands go up all around. Madge's hand included. And finally my own.

"So it's settled. We stay here and we salvage from the rubble. Rebuild however we can." I say.

"There's more to think about. We need to have food. We need to set camp boundaries for safety." A woman adds as all of the men begin to stand up, myself included.

"She's right." My mother agrees.

"Okay, so for now, only the men go down to dig through the buildings. It's a mess and not very safe. No one goes off alone. Too the woods, the river or the rubble. I can work on getting food and my girlfriend and brother can help me." I tell everyone. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Madge's cheeks flush when I say the word "girlfriend". I hold back a smirk.

Everyone sort of nods in agreement. All the men of the group gather and prepare to head into the buildings and start working. I want to go with them but I know I need to get out in the woods with Rory and Madge and set some snares so we can eat tonight. The berries were good but I'm not stupid. They won't last long and in a few hours we'll all be hungry again.

My mother pulls me aside. "Gale, do you really think having Rory help you hunt is a good idea? He's still very young."

"I was much younger than him when Dad started taking me out." I sigh. She's always been easy going with me, letting me come and go, never asking a lot of questions or weighing me down with a lot of rules but when it comes to the other kids, she's super cautious.

"I realize that Gale but I worry. You don't know these part of the woods the way you knew the ones back home and you don't know what's out there." She reasons.

"How bout we ask Rory what he wants to do?" I offer. Rory who jumps at the sound of his name chimes right in.

"Ma, I wanna go."

I look at my mother and smile while shrugging. "Looks like he wants to go."

She nods and I can see anxiety starting to take it's toll on her already. "Don't worry, we're just gonna set a couple snares close by. I need his help." I tell her, softer this time.

I turn to Madge. "I want you to come too, okay?"

I half expect her to argue but she just nods a little and gives my hand a light squeeze. She's appeasing my fears. She knows I need her out there not to help me but to just be where I can see that she's okay.

We head out to the woods, staying moderately close to camp like I promised my mother that we would for Rory's sake. I show him how to set up one of the easiest snares I know. It was the very first one my dad taught me, back when he'd begun taking me outside the fence. He's a quick learner and after a few attempts, he's able to set one successfully on his own. I supervise as he sets a few just to be sure he's got the hang of it. Madge stands and watches us both silently. I know she's watching and probably learning how to set snares for herself but I don't want her to do it. Nope. I just want her here for peace of mind.

A few hours later when we get back to camp, I'm surprised to see the amount of stuff waiting for us. The men have been really busy. There's a massive pile of boards that aren't fully burned. A couple large sheets of metal that look like they used to be part of a roof. And a pile of bricks.

"Wow, they got a lot done while we were gone." Madge says as she nudges me with her elbow.

"Yeah, that's fantastic." I acknowledge. We can build a stove out of those bricks I think to myself. And with the pot we found yesterday, that'll make it easier to cook. If we can make soups or stews out of the game we catch, we can stretch our food supply a little further. That would be a huge help. Huge. And those boards and metal sheets will help build a decent shelter. It's a really good haul for a first day's work. Really good.

My mother shoots me a thankful look as soon as she sees that Rory is back at camp, safe and sound. He goes off to tell Prim and Vick about how he learned to set a snare. Kid's so excited he can hardly contain himself. I smile to myself, remembering the feeling of my first snare. I couldn't shut up about it. I remember telling my mother with such pride how I'd set one all by myself and how my father had said I'd done a good job.

With our work finished for the day, I decide it's a good time for a break. A break from planning, a break from hunting. A break to just be with Madge. I turn to her and smile, leaning down to kiss her once.

"How about you and I disappear for a little while? Still have a few hours before the sun goes down and I could really use a break." I ask her hopefully.

"I would love to disappear with you." She tells me as she chews on her bottom lip.

I grab her hand and practically run with her down the riverbank to a more secluded spot. As soon as we're away from everyone and alone, I hungrily pull her to me, covering her lips with mine. God, I need her. Need this closeness, this kiss.

I hold onto her even after I pull away from the kiss to look at her. To take in those baby blue eyes of hers. She's so beautiful. Even now, after days out in the woods, living outside and with no real clothing, no real comforts, she manages to take my breath away.

"How is it that you manage to look so damn beautiful, even after living out in the wild for days on end? Hmmm?" I ask her.

Her face flushes. "Stop it." She mumbles. "I haven't looked in a mirror but I'm positive I look like the filthy mess I feel like."

"How bout we get cleaned up?" I ask as I step backwards towards the water pulling her to come with me.

"The water's deeper here. And it's strong." She says warily, eyeing the flowing river behind me.

"I can swim. We'll be fine."

"I can swim too. I just…I've never been in real water this deep before."

"You can swim?" I ask in surprise. I only know because I learned in a lake out in the woods. No one in our district should know how to swim.

She nods. "The Capitol. A swimming pool. Vacation when I was younger." She explains with very little detail.

"Well then it's settled. We're getting cleaned up. The both of us." I tell her as I pull my shirt over my head and then unbutton my pants, stepping out of them and kicking them aside.

Her cheeks flush and she tries to look away. I smirk and lift her chin so I can see her face. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching those cheeks of yours go ten different shades of pink." I tease.

She rolls her eyes at me and smiles at the same time. I reach out and begin to unbutton the oversized men's shirt she's got on. Slowly, I undo each button, one at a time. Our eyes locked with one another's. No talking, just breathing. Once it's unbuttoned, I pull it off of her and drop it, letting it pool around her ankles. I've undressed her once before. On the train home from the Capitol. I'd helped her change into my shirt. It'd felt so sensual then. It feels even more so now. I reach up and undo the tie in her hair, letting her blond hair fall around her shoulders.

I step into the water and she comes with me, eyes still locked on mine. I wade out until I'm waist deep, holding onto her the whole time. The water feels cool and refreshing and I go out a little further so I can dunk under. When I come up, I see she's done the same. Her hair now wet and dripping. Her skin now glistening with water in the sunlight. I can't take it anymore. I move forward, closing what little distance there was between us, lifting her up to kiss her. My hands move down over her bare skin and find her hips. I lift her and her legs fold around my waist. I kiss her, gently first, peppering her cheek and face with quick kisses. Then I find her lips and they crash against mine, filling me with intensity. She locks her arms around my neck and I feel her fingers in my hair. Her touch is driving me crazy.

I drag my lips down to her neck and let them linger there. I step out of the water, wanting to lay her down, wanting to see more of her, wanting to touch more of her. I lay her down against the grass. Her chest rising and falling quickly as she breathes. Her blue eyes taunting me. I hover over her and kiss her, sliding my lips down her neck, onto her stomach, my hands running over her legs. I kiss back up, my hands moving over her, touching her. My mouth finds her earlobe and I kiss it. I whisper against her ear. "I love you so much."

Her voice is breathy when she responds. "I love you too Gale Hawthorne."

The sound of her breathing out my name like that fuels an entire new level of need for her. I reach out and interlace my fingers with hers. Her hands are trembling. I can feel it against my own. "Are you scared?" I whisper. Our faces so close to one another, my eyes unable to look away from hers.

"No. I want you. Right now, I want you."

And I want her too. I won't have us wait anymore. I couldn't even if I thought we should. I love her too much. Want her too much. Need her so much. Right here. Right now.