How in the hell Meg, bad-ass demon extraordinaire, found herself sitting in a cheap motel bathroom with a stick in her hand staring at the tiny pink cross sign with the word 'yes' in the viewing window was something she would never understand. Hell, she'd been staring at the thing so long it had completely lost focus. Now it was just a blur of pink in her hand, a blur of pink that meant so much more than it appeared to mean.
It was a stupid plastic stick with a stupid little cross in it, the last of the three she'd brought into the bathroom with her. She wanted to be sure. Truthfully, she'd wanted at least one of them to give her some hope that this entire thing just was not happening. None of them had given her the answer she wanted. And the longer she stared the less sure she became of that herself.
What answer did she want? If she were a praying kind of person, what would she be praying for, a yes or a no? When she'd first come into the room after darting out of the motel, running across the street to a convenience store and then running back and slamming the bathroom door behind her without a word, her feelings on the subject had flip-flopped so many times she had no idea anymore. Her first response, no pun intended, was terror, horror beyond anything she'd ever experienced before. It was the first time she'd felt real fear, crippling, intense, all consuming fear in longer than she could remember.
Then had come doubt. There was no way this was actually happening to her. It wasn't possible. She was a demon. Then the first test was ready and she read the results and reasoned to herself that she was no longer a demon. She was a stupid human woman who had been having regular sex with a stupid human man on a regular basis without any thought to the consequences of that action for weeks now.
Cas had long since stopped knocking at the door. She couldn't even imagine what he was going through. She wished she could open the door and tell him everything was fine. It was nothing and they were completely wrong about the whole thing.
But this, this was ridiculous. She was still staring at the stick as if doing so would make the results change somehow when he finally knocked again. It was a quiet knock, as if it were meant not to disturb her. She reached her empty hand out and turned the knob, unlocking the door in the process.
He came into the room slowly, a careful step at a time as he moved closer to her. She could see him out of the corner of her eye and if she hadn't been so preoccupied with terribly unfunny things, she would have laughed. He looked as if he were ready to run the other direction at any moment, like she might flip out and kill them both if he startled her.
He didn't dare touch the stick in her hand, choosing instead to eye the ones that were lined up on the sink beside her where she'd carefully laid them out. She pulled her eyes away from the stick, seeing his expression now was more important than the damn plus sign. She had to know what he was thinking as this new news sank into his brain.
He didn't say anything. He swallowed several times, each time hard enough to make his Adam's Apple bob violently, as if words were bubbling up in his throat and he was steadfastly swallowing them before they could get out. Either than or he was trying to hold down his dinner. She had no idea and the expression on his face wasn't helping either. He had a meticulous stony-faced mask in place. Nothing showed. It was something she wouldn't have thought him capable of. Normally every little thing he felt showed in his face.
Finally, he looked away from the sticks and cleared his throat. "Are you okay?" he asked, timidly as if he wasn't sure he was allowed to talk yet.
She thought about her answer for a long handful of minutes before finally setting the stick in her hand down with the others and clearing her own throat. "I have no idea. I'm not sure what to say right now."
He spread his hands out in front of him and shrugged. "At least we know for sure what's going on with you now."
She opened her mouth to speak and everything seemed to come out at once. "But what- How- Son of a Bitch- I mean, I don't even-"
He stopped her babbling by putting his arms around her and pulling her to her feet. Then he put her head against his chest and guided her back into the bedroom. "It's going to be okay," he was whispering into her hair. "We'll figure this out."
They were useless words, platitudes meant to make her feel better temporarily. There was nothing okay about this and there was no solution to this that made sense to her. There was no figuring this out. THIS changed everything. Or maybe it didn't. She wasn't even sure about that.
What the fuck was she supposed to do with this information?
She pulled her head away from his chest and scooted far enough away from him so she could see his face. She wasn't sure when they'd made it to the bed, but apparently they had and were now sitting beside each other on the foot.
He looked more concerned than anything when she looked into his eyes. She had been hoping for something more reveling. She'd been hoping to get his honest take on the situation, but still he was playing his emotions very close to his chest. Or maybe her mind was blown to the point that she could no longer read him so easily.
She put her hand against his chest and felt his heartbeat thumping rapidly against her palm. That was something, at least, though whether it was excitement or terror she couldn't judge for sure.
"I have no idea what to think. So I need you to say something, anything." She insisted. She knew it wasn't fair to put that kind of pressure on him. She was essentially asking him to make the decision about whether this was a good thing or a bad thing and she knew that. But she honestly had no idea and she needed his input to help her decide.
He looked at her, as if carefully accessing her state of mind then the corners of his mouth turned up and he smiled warmly at her. "I love you," he said like it was the answer to everything.
She shoved him back with the hand still on his chest. "Cas, that isn't helpful."
"What do you want me to say?"
"First stop looking at me like I'm a bomb you have no idea how to diffuse."
"Well, maybe I could do that if I didn't feel like you were a bomb I have no idea how to diffuse. I'm not sure what you want from me here. I don't know how to respond and I feel like I'm two seconds away from saying the wrong thing and having you blow up in my face."
Meg took a deep breath and let it out slowing. "Okay, I need you to tell me honestly how you feel. I promise I will not explode."
Cas got to his feet and took a few steps away from her. "You promise that there is no wrong answer here. Because if there is, I want to know which so I can avoid it. The one thing I know for sure is that I don't want to fight with you."
Meg sighed. "I don't want to fight with you either."
"Then maybe you could tell me how you feel first and we can go from there."
Meg shook her head. "I can't do that because I don't know. I really don't know. So if you do know how you feel, now would be a good time to speak up."
Cas crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, I haven't had a lot of time to process everything, but..." He took another few steps away then suddenly he was back in front of her, kneeling so he was eye level. "I have never been as happy as I am right now."
Meg stared back at the ridiculously ecstatic smile on his face in shocked surprise. She hadn't expected his response to be quite so enthusiastic. She expected him to be more in line with where she was, uncertain about whether it was good or bad news. She expected him to have some doubt, some trepidation over the situation they found themselves in. But there was nothing like that on his face. No doubt, no fear, no confusion.
She absently raised her hand and ran her fingers through his ruffled hair, smoothing it without realizing she was even touching him. It was like the damn stick. All she could see was his smile, his exuberance. She couldn't make herself look away.
Cas solved the problem for her by leaning forward and kissing her. It was one of those soft, warm, tender kisses than she'd begun to treasure during the time they'd spent together. She wasn't sure anyone had ever kissed her like that. It wasn't about passion, or lust. It was about love and nothing more.
Her arms went around his shoulders on instinct as she pulled him tighter. She never wanted to lose the feeling of that kiss. All the sex, all the words, none of that meant as much to her as it did when he kissed her like she was the most precious thing in the world to him.
Finally, he broke away, but only far enough that his lips were no longer touching hers. "Stay human with me. We can live a long, happy life. We'll raise a family, get jobs, have real lives like real humans. We'll get a house in the suburbs, join the PTA and get a dog and-"
She didn't know what the look on her face was, but it stopped him short and he stopped talking and suddenly moved out of her grasp.
"Was that too much?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
She put her hands out, although whether it was to reassure him or keep herself from falling she wasn't sure. "It might have been a little too much. I just need to breath for a minute."
The phone rang bringing them both out of the moment and back into reality.
Cas was closer so he turned his back to answer it. That was all the time she needed. She was out the door before he knew what was happening. She heard it close behind her from half way down the stairwell.
Cas turned just in time to see her scrambling out the door. His mind was a blank for a moment. At first he thought another bout of nausea had sent her bolting for the bathroom. But when he turned and realized it was the room door closing quickly behind her, his heart stopped for an instant and his mind went completely blank.
"Cas? Are you still there, Buddy?" Dean was saying against his ear and he wanted to make the words come out to tell him he was fine but nothing got past the lump building in his throat.
He dropped the phone to the carpeted floor and took off after her as quickly as he could. There was no way he was going to let her run from this. He knew it was her usual reaction. He thought they were past that now.
But as he sprinted his way down the stairwell, trying to catch up with her, he realized he was wrong. The question now was, was she running from him or the baby or both of them?
He knew he'd gone too far before Dean's call. He knew it from the look of horror on her face. The longer he talked the worst it got. He hadn't meant to overwhelm her, but he couldn't stop himself, he was overwhelmed, too.
For so many years he'd been standing on the edges of humanity watching it go past him. Now he had a chance to actually become a part of the life that buzzed all around him. He wanted that more than anything. And to be able to share that with someone he felt so much for, it was as if Chuck had given him the greatest gift he'd ever imagined. He hadn't even realized how much he wanted it until he began thinking about going back to what he was before, the outsider looking in.
He got to the parking lot and scanned it quickly. He stopped and stared at the empty spot where their car had been parked with a sinking pit in his stomach.
He didn't know how long he stood there staring at the empty spot before he finally turned and trudged his way back up to their room.
He retrieved the phone from the floor and immediately pushed to the button to call Dean.
"Cas? What happened?" Dean asked after the first ring.
Cas slumped down in the uncomfortable chair that sat beside the round table just inside the door to the room. "I think Meg is gone," he said, proud that his voice hadn't cracked.
"What do you mean gone? As in off to the store and will be right back? Stepped out to get takeout?" Dean said with anger rising in his voice.
"No, I mean gone. She ran. I don't know where she went."
"She ran? Like she heard something and took off to see what it might be?" he pressed.
Cads sighed and his shoulder slumped as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "We had a..." he paused searching for the word. "I don't know what it was." he admitted finally.
"JESUS! CAS! You've got to be kidding me? You and your girlfriend had a fight so now the fate of humanity might be screwed?"
"Wait! What the hell does the fate of humanity have to do with whether Meg is with me when I get to you?" He demanded anger at his friend's reaction.
"How are you planning on getting here if she isn't going to bring you?" Dean answered, snappishly. "And I thought being around her was the only thing keeping you semi-sane. We need you at least semi-sane for this next part Cas."
He hadn't thought about that. And he was absolutely certain she hadn't either. A sudden sense of relief flooded over him. "It's okay." He told Dean. "She'll be back."
"I thought you had a fight?"
"We did. But once she calms down and understands what she's doing, she'll come back. She isn't going to leave me here knowing how much I need her. She wouldn't abandon me like that."
"Where are you? I'm coming to get you?" Dean said, quickly. He could hear rustling in the background as if Dean were already gathering his things for the journey.
He search around for a minute until he found the room receipt, then he read the address off the top too Dean. "But I really don't think you need to come here. Just stay where you are. If she isn't back by morning or if I start to lose it, I'll call you. But I know she'll be back. She wouldn't do that to me."
"Okay, Man? Was it an 'I am so mad at you I could punch you in the face' fight or an 'I never want to see you again' fight?"
"No, it wasn't that bad. Or maybe it was. I'm so confused. I have no idea what I'm saying." Cas admitted.
It sounded as if Dean had found a place to get comfortable and settled in. "What was the fight about?"
Cas hesitated. "I'm not sure I should be talking to you about this. I don't know how she would feel about that."
"Jeez, Man, grow a pair, will you? Guys talk to other guys about the shit their women put them through. It's whole reason guy friends exist." Dean urged him while in the background Cas could hear him popping the top on a beer.
Cas sighed again. "I really wish I had one of those right now," he mused.
"So go get some. Or did she take all the money with her?"
Cas glanced around until his eyes settled on Meg's purse with was still sitting beside her bag. "No the money is here. Everything is here. The only thing she took was herself and the car."
"Well, that says a lot. It means 'of course she's coming back. All her stuff is still here!'"
"I don't think you understand the weight of the disagreement we had," Cas said heading for the wallet.
He snatched it up and headed across the street to the convenience store.
Once he was back in his room with a six pack, he settled onto the bed and popped the top on the first one.
"Okay, spill it!" Dean demanded. "Tell me all about the little woman."
Dean was well into his own six pack and his words were already starting to slur around the edges.
"Well, I think she suddenly realized we want extremely different things in life." Cas said raising his bottle in a toast to nothing before slamming down half of it in one mighty gulp.
"Oh," was Dean's only response for a minute. "So what? Does this have to do with you getting your Mojo back?"
"Partly, I mean part of the disagreement is about the fact that I'm not sure I want to go back to the way I was before."
"Are you talking about staying human? Like for good? Until the day you eventually die?"
"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about."
"Cas, I get it, believe me I do, but are you sure that's what you want? What about Heaven and the rest of the Angels? They need you up there."
"As far as Heaven is concerned I died in that Lake. They don't need me any more. They haven't need me in a long time. I'm not entirely sure I didn't do more damage than good there anyway."
Dean chortled. "Of course you did good. You started a revolution. You're like a hell raiser, a rebel." He laughed.
"I'm serious, Dean. If there is a way, I want to continue being a human and I want Meg with me."
Dean stopped chuckling immediately. "And she doesn't want that? She wants to go back to being a demon?"
"No, she seemed to agree with me. Then something happened that changed everything and now I have no idea how she feels or what she's thinking?"
"Oh, Cas, Man, please tell me you didn't propose!" Dean yelled, suddenly a lot more interested in the conversation.
Cas quickly chugged his third beer. "No, I'm afraid it's worse than that. Meg's pregnant."
The utter silence on the other end of the phone went on for so long, Cas finally cleared his throat and spoke up. "Are you still there, Dean?"
Dean sputtered back to life almost instantly. "Ye...yeah, Man, I'm here. I'm just not sure what to say."
"Well, actually that's why I'm telling you this now. I don't want her to know I told you, but I needed you to know it. Because when she gets back and I'm sure she's coming back, we'll be on our way to you. If this whole thing doesn't go well with Aborigine, I need to know you'll look after her."
There was nothing but silence on the other end, so Cas decided to go on. "I know it's a lot to ask. I know doing me a favor is probably last on your list of things to do. But this isn't just any favor. And there is no one else in the world I can trust to do it."
"Of course, Cas. You know I will." Dean said finally. "You're one of us. You're family. So that makes her family now, too or I guess it makes them family."
"Who's family?" Cas heard bobby say in the background.
"Dean, please, I need you to keep this to yourself. She's be mad enough if she found out I told you."
"No, yeah, of course. I won't tell anyone. You have my word. Bobby's too drunk to remember much of anything right now."
"I'm so glad you have him back," Cas said.
"You and me both, brother." Dean answered.
"You still have no idea how it happened?"
Dean laughed. "Like I said, I'm not looking gift horses in the mouth with this one. We've done our due diligence. We tested and poked and prodded and dunked him in holy water. He's as human as you and me now. Not a demon, an angel, a shifter, a Leviathan or any other boogie we could find in any of our books. I swear to you, he's Bobby, living, breathing, right-as-rain Bobby."
"I just don't understand how that is possible."
"I don't understand how you and your demon girlfriend ended up human and now pregnant, but I guess... stranger things."
"No, Dean, I'm not sure that statement applies to either of those two things. Both are about as strange as anything I've ever heard."
"Huh, you might be right." Dean chuckled.
