"But when I get better…."

"Son…." began Elliot, knowing that Sam understood all too well the reason for his hesitation. It was the same reason he too fell silent for a moment.

"You walked again. After you got hurt when I was a baby, I know because Fin told me. He told me how you were so strong and you worked so hard and you got better."

"Sam that was different. That was a different kind of accident. I had a different kind of injury. I was able to work on getting back the use of my legs with therapy the way you're going to be able to get back use of your arms and hands and fingers."

"I can do this, I know I can, I can really work at it and even if it takes a few months or even years I know I can walk again and…."

"Sam, buddy, I know this is impossibly hard. I know it is. I know that not one of us can understand what you're going through right now and it feels like we're all patronising you trying to help you…."

"I'm gonna be QB1 in the fall, Dad. That's what's gonna happen. When the season starts again I'm finally gonna be starting quarterback. It's all I want. I don't care about grades and college and all that stuff Vee does."

"I know that has always been true before but you know there are so many things that you can do even with your…."

"And I wanna be a cop. I wanna be a cop just like you and Mom and I even looked into college programmes I can do right here in the city. Then I'll go through the academy and I'll be NYPD….." he was talking fast now, running so fast and so precariously it was like watching a toddler propelling themselves beyond what their feet could keep up with, "… it's the family business, right? It's what we do."

"Son you've got a T9 spinal cord injury….." said Elliot with a kind, calm, but firm and unwavering tone as he met his son's eyes and reached out a hand to his arm, "… you're not gonna walk again, buddy."

"No, no that's….."

"We're gonna help you. We're gonna be with you every step of the way, we're gonna do everything we can to make it so you can do whatever you want to do and be whatever you want to be but….." gritting his teeth so hard his head began to throb Elliot forced a patient, empathetic smile and wished to God he had some of his wife's effortless compassion, "… but life is just gonna look a little different than you maybe you'd planned."

"I don't want it to."

"I get that, bud. I do. Only sometimes we just don't get a choice in how things turn out."

"I don't wanna be a cripple."

"It's not gonna be easy, I can't lie to you and tell you it's not gonna be rough as hell on you but….."

"I think I'm gonna just sleep now."

"Sam…." his hair had grown a little out of shape and it clumped awkwardly around his head, a far cry from its previously groomed state. Though he had a look of Eli about him he had not inherited the same simple, self-effacing blandness his brother had from Kathy. He had his father's quiet resilience and Olivia's boundless compassion.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to talk at all."

"Okay, okay buddy that's fine, that's cool. Only you know that I'm right here, I'm right outside that whole time, either me or your Mom or both of us…." nodding slowly Elliot vowed, "… we're right here with you son."

"Whatever."

"I…"

"Can you turn the light off on your way out?"


"Elliot?"

Asked Olivia as she wandered into their otherwise deserted house to find him sitting hunched over on the sofa nursing a glass of what she suspected was 80 proof.

"Babe what are you doing sitting in the dark?" she asked softly, setting her bag and keys down on the coffee table and kneeling at his feet. "Did something happen? Sammy? He's okay?"

"No, no he's not okay….." but she could tell from his jaded tone and lack of panic that there had been no change in the status quo, "… he's not okay Liv."

"You were at the hospital?" she asked softly, resting her hand on his knee and looking up at him as he cradled his head in one hand and nursed his whiskey in the other.

"It's like he can't hear me. I tell him over and over again how he's not gonna get better and how we need to figure this all out. I try to talk to him about how we're gonna help him, how we're all gonna work out a way to give him some kind of life but….."

"El in case you hadn't noticed we've not exactly been dealing with what's happened to him particularly well ourselves."

"You think?" he couldn't help but laugh darkly.

"How the hell is a fourteen year old kid supposed to make sense of all this if even his parents can't?"

"You talk to Mouse?"

"No but I talked to Calvin. I went to his place."

"And?"

"You might well kill me for this…." she hesitated, realising at no point had she consulted him before making her peace treaty with Calvin, "… but I agreed on them being friends. Hanging out, being teenagers I guess."

"You didn't feel like that was something you oughta run by me first?" he wasn't angry, not really. He didn't have the energy to be.

"Do you disagree?" she asked, and he realised he really didn't. If Eve felt as heartsick as he did in that moment he couldn't bear to.

"No, no but that's not really the point….." he countered wearily, finishing off his drink and setting the empty glass down on the table, "… and I can tell by looking at you that you know it."

"I fixed the mess I made. I will lose her if I don't bend on this one. I can't take him away from her. I cannot take away the one thing gluing her together right now."

"I tried to tell you that exactly same thing before you nailed her to the wall in the hospital. You just couldn't hear me."

"Don't you dare pretend that you don't have a voice with me Elliot. You've called me out on my bad judgement enough times but you just got scared. You just saw where that was going and couldn't stand to have your precious Mouse not like you so you had her blame me for saying what we were both afraid of."

"You're not the captain of this family Olivia."

"But sometimes I am."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Only that sometimes I feel like I'm on my own."

"What?" he asked, as her sad brown eyes looked up at him with a frankness that shamed him.

"I know I push you away. I know I fight you when I you try to help. I know I do. I know I take control and I make decisions without you and that's my fault. That's on me. But sometimes Elliot I feel like I'm the only one prepared to stand against the wind and that's on you."

"I had no idea, I….."

"Sometimes I just get so tired of being bad cop."

"I'm sorry."

"No, no it's fine it's…."

"I should've weighed in with Mouse. I should've spoken out."

"I should've let you."

"Damn it."

"I know you're scared of your kids hating you. I know how unbearable it was for you during the divorce. I remember. I was there. I just….."

"That's no excuse. That is no excuse. I can't let it make me scared to parent our kids."

"Elliot what happened to us?" she murmured, shaking her head slowly in disbelief and wondering how it is that suddenly she turned around and find that unwavering strength they had was so weakened. "When did we become this?"

"When we stopped being partners….." he answered simply, accurately, cutting clear to the heart of the matter, "… when we stopped acting like a team."

"I need you."

"Liv…." he murmured, gathering her up from the floor and sitting her beside him on the couch, drawing her into his arms and holding her tight against him, "… I'm here."

"Don't ever doubt that. No for a second. No matter how far away I push you just promise me…." gripping him so tightly he could feel her nails in his back Olivia whispered, "… promise me you'll always come back."

"I won't have to come back Olivia….." he sighed, stroking and kissing at her hair reassuringly, "… because I won't ever leave. Not ever. I swear to God while I'm still breathing it'll be with you."

"We need to work on this El."

"I know."

"I don't ever want us to be less than we've always been. I won't let us be less than us."

"I think that we need to get some help."

"Yeah, yeah no I agree. We need to start thinking about where he's going to go right after hospital for a start. After that we need in home care, the house is going to need a lot of work to make it wheelchair friendly and…."

"No, no babe that isn't what I….." she fixed things, she saw a problem and she ran at it. It was one of the things he loved so deeply about her. It was one of her greatest strengths but equally one of her biggest weaknesses.

"El?"

"Of course Sam is gonna need help. With all of it and not just the practical stuff but that wasn't what I was meaning. I think that we need help, Liv. God knows it pains me to say it and you know it does, but we can't be what we need to be to our son in the state we're in right now."

"You don't mean marriage counselling?"

"No, no I don't mean that. We're not in the greatest ever place right now but I'm not worried about us. We're solid and we'll figure out me and you. Our marriage is not the problem here." There was nothing in the world she needed to hear more than that, and she kissed him to let him know as much.

"So…."

"We don't have the first clue how to get into Sam's head right now. We have even less idea how to take care of a kid with a T-9 injury. We gotta talk to someone, babe, we gotta go to some kind of support group for parents like us. We gotta act like we're the idiots we see on the job, too stubborn to admit they are so far out of their depth they can't even figure out which way is up anymore."

"This is really happening isn't it?" whispered Olivia hoarsely, knowing that he was right. Painfully so. "He's really not going to get better, is he?"

"No, no he isn't."

"Our son won't ever walk again. Our son is going to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair. We can't fix this for him. My baby, he…"

"Let it go, let it all out Liv, I don't give a crap….." he swallowed, cuddling her close and encouraging, "… you cry all you want. You yell and scream and feel it in your fucking bones. I can take it. I got you."

"It isn't fair, it isn't fair Elliot! And I am so angry I can't breathe! I can't stand it!" finally saying all that she had kept in side was so cathartic it made her weak, dizzy almost, cradled in his arms as she wailed. "He never hurt a single person in his whole life. He never complained or really ever asked for anything. He is kind and sweet and gentle and he didn't deserve this."

"Course he didn't."

"By God I love Evie for always being the one to raise her hand, to take a chance, to speak up and everyone thinks she got that from me and maybe she did in some ways, but the real truth? She couldn't do what she does without him."

"Her little shadow."

"He let her shine, El. He stood beside her, behind her, any place but in front of that girl and he is the reason she is who she is. She probably doesn't even realise it. How her sidekick, so quiet and loyal is where she gets her strength."

"You did the right thing bending on Calvin."

"I had to, I had to throw her a rope because so help me Elliot that girl has not even begun to feel this yet….." and then, voicing the grim reality he already knew to be true Olivia added, "… none of us have."


"What are you doing here?"

"Don't you talk to me like that Evie. I apologise for the way I spoke about Calvin. I really do. It was out of line and unkind and just not true but you do not get to use that tone."

"Okay…." softened Eve, seeing just how sincere Olivia was in her sentiment as she slid into the chair on the opposite side of the metal topped café table.

"He knows I'm here."

"I guessed….." came the arch browed nod as Eve shrugged, "… figured it was how you knew I was."

"He's gonna come join us later. So we can all talk. Together. Your Dad was gonna come but he's with Sam doing the evening visit so…."

"Mom I hate it when we fight."

"Oh baby, baby girl…." breathed Olivia, closing her eyes and willing herself not to just break down with tears of relief before they had even begun what she knew was going to be a difficult conversation, "… you can't even imagine."

"This isn't us, Momma….." shaking her head slowly from side to side Eve ventured a cautious, hopeful smile, "… this isn't who we are."

"I can't apologise for how I feel Evie. I can't say I'm sorry for something I'm not. The thought of you losing yourself in a relationship you're too young for scares the hell out of me. You're my baby. You're my beautiful, naïve, idealistic little girl and I'm not going to be that mother who won't let her kid grow up I just can't let you do it too soon. I wouldn't be doing my job as your Mom if I did."

"Mom I'm not a kid."

"You are my kid."

"I know things. I know things you probably don't even know I know. I hear stuff, I see stuff, I understand stuff you think I'm too idealistic and naïve to."

"Like what?" asked Olivia, part curious part terrified.

"I know that my Dad isn't the all American, ex-Marine, crime fighting NYPD superman all my friends think he is. I know what he did to Kathy. I know what he did to you."

"Oh Evie…."

"How can you judge Calvin? How can you judge Calvin for fighting to be with me when the man you love, the man you married wouldn't? You think I didn't notice how in all the pictures of you pregnant with me it's Fin you're with and not Dad? That there aren't any photos of me with my Dad when I was first born because he didn't even know he was my father?"

"Baby how long have you been holding all this inside you?" said Olivia, speechless and cut to the core by the way Eve held herself together while speaking such profoundly emotive words. "How have we never had this conversation before?"

"Because it never mattered before, or at least it never mattered to me."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I love my Dad and I don't doubt how much he loves me and I wouldn't change how Fin is like another father to be but…."

"You think I'm a hypocrite?" offered Olivia, reading her like a well-thumbed book.

"I think that I don't care what Calvin has done in the past or who his family are or what neighbourhood he comes from. He has never once denied me. You can make him jump through all the hoops you want he won't give up on me. He won't give up on us."

"I told him he could be your friend. I told him he couldn't date you but he could hang out with you and be your friend."

"And he agreed, right?" smiled Eve, not thrilled that she hadn't been a part of the conversation but trusting implicitly that Calvin knew what he was doing. He understood that divide and conquer was not the way. Her family was everything to her and the only way for them to be together was if he won them over, whatever the cost.

"Yeah, yeah he did..." nodded Olivia slowly, having expected a quite different reaction, "… that doesn't bother you?"

"We're not just some stupid fling, we're not just a hook up that stuck. We're serious, we're gonna make it….." she spoke with such certainty, such conviction and faith it was as incredible to Olivia as her next statement, "… but he knows I can't live without my family."

"Evie….."

"I can't fight with you and he can't fight that if he wants to be with me."

"So he figured that if he didn't agree to my terms then either you'd have to choose him over us or he'd lose you….." without even having realised it Olivia had presented Calvin with a no win situation and he had actually been incredibly smart in making his next move.

"I don't want to be his friend but I don't want to lose my Mom either…."

"Oh Eve, oh baby girl, you won't ever lose me. Not even if you ran off to join the circus with that boy. There is nothing you could do that I wouldn't forgive….." and then locking Eve's eyes she spoke with the kind of unconditional, unequivocal certainty that drove mothers to commit crimes for their children, "… not one single thing sweetheart."

"Mom don't you get it? Don't you see?" whispered Eve, her eyes misting as she trusted their relationship enough to say the unspeakable, "Cal would rather try be just my friend and hate every minute of it than hurt me by making me choose between him and you. That's how much he loves me. He will wait until you see what I see. He'll wait until you believe in him the way I do."

"Evie…."

"My nineteen year old fuck up has more faith in our relationship and more respect for me than the man who got you pregnant in an elevator and then went back to his wife."

"Wow…."

"Oh my God, Mom I…."

"I need to, ermm…" gathering herself up from the table, all the broken pieces of herself, and her heart as it lay beating on the table between them Olivia bit down hard on the inside of her cheek and willed herself not to cry, "…. I'll be right back. I have to use the bathroom."


"Knock, knock?"

"I'm just fixing my lipstick."

"Mom…." said Eve softly, pushing open the stalls to see that they were alone in the restroom.

"I'll be right out and then I think it's about time we ordered a strong coffee, don't you?"

"I'm sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean to. I just didn't really think before I said what I did I guess."

"Yes you did."

"No, no I…."

"You did and it's me that should be sorry. Sorry that I'm not a better example to you. Sorry that I wasn't stronger back then."

"You can't help who you fall in love with, right?" said Eve quietly, not even sure where the line was anymore, only strongly suspecting that it was already in her rear view mirror.

"Don't ever think that your Dad is a bad person Evie. Don't ever think that he doesn't love me or that he doesn't think you hung the moon. He never denied you, baby. I didn't give him chance to be there when I was pregnant. I didn't give him chance to be there when you were born. I was scared and I was hurt and my pride was wounded and I kept him from you."

"You protected me…." nodded Eve, wandering across the bathroom and taking the eyeliner from Olivia's hand, "… the way you always do."

"Don't poke me in the eye with that thing? If you blind me I…."

"Just look up to the ceiling and don't blink….." instructed Eve, laying her hand gently on Olivia's cheek and tracing a line of black kohl around her lash line, "… trust me."

"You can date him."

"What?" asked Eve, finishing the second eye and staring mouth lightly agape.

"Your father will probably kill me for making another unilateral decision but I don't care."

"Are you saying what I think you are?"

"You will talk to me about anything; everything, every sordid little detail and I'll Mirandize you if I have to Evie G, both of you, so help me God."

"Oh I believe you."

"I am taking one hell of a risk here and you have to swear to me that you'll recognise that, respect it, that you'll really hear what I'm saying?"

"Yes, yes I will, of course, I understand."

"We're gonna take baby steps, we're gonna walk before we run, we're gonna figure this out between all of us. No sneaking around, no skipping school, and not one single lie will you tell me about what you're doing or where you're going or….."

"Does dating him include sex?"

"I…." wow, thought Olivia, catching her breath as she took a moment to recover.

"You said talk to you about anything, everything and….."

"Do you want dating him to include sex?" and there it was, that which they had lost, found once more. Not missing a beat, not flinching, just hitting the ball back across the net at Eve and regaining their comfortable rally Olivia challenged, "Are you ready to forgive him for how badly he hurt you?"

"Oh no, no trust me not yet I don't!" said Eve without hesitation, and despite having her heart lodged in her throat Olivia couldn't help but smile. Evie Stabler would not let someone keep her as their mistress. She had raised her stronger than that. "But maybe, I mean one day, sooner, or later….."

"Then that's your choice, babe. It is your body, it is your decision. I just want you to promise that you'll be smart and that you'll talk to me? I will try to treat you like the adult you are so desperate to be if you try to understand that you are sixteen and that I am so desperate to keep you that way."

"Okay, okay deal."

"You are one hell of a young woman Evie G."

"Vivian Arliss told me I can roar….." said Eve, the moment the memory popped into her head.

"She what?" pulling a face Olivia added curiously, "What does that mean?"

"She told Calvin that if I'm like my mother then he's in real trouble. That I have a lion heart but I have claws too….." her eyes dancing as she talked Olivia could tell that what Vivian had intended as an insult Eve had taken as a compliment, and that could only be a good thing, "…. and I know how to roar."

"Yeah well Vivian and I have a little history so you should pretty much ignore anything she says because she's wrong and…."

"No she's not, she's dead right. I can hold my own. I don't do anything I don't want to and Calvin knows that."

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that, baby girl."

"Momma I didn't mean to make you cry before. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. I actually think that what you did was really brave and crazy strong."

"Letting your Dad treat me like crap?" laughed Olivia grimly.

"You could've gone to Kathy and told her everything. You could've told her how you'd been sleeping with her husband and he'd got you pregnant and broken up that family. You could've told Dad to go to hell when he finally manned up and chose to be with you."

"If I'd be stronger I could've."

"You think that if you'd nuked their family I'd have all my awesome brothers and sisters? All those summers in Chicago with Eli and concerts and sleepovers at the girls' houses?"

"I guess not but…."

"I know you think that taking Dad back and forgiving him for being such a spineless shit makes you weak….." shrugging emphatically Eve swallowed, "… but I think it's how I have the best family in the world."

"What the hell did I do to deserve you Evie Grace?"

"I know I'm sixteen, I know I'm a kid, I know I'm stupid and naïve and I have a million things still to learn about life but…."

"But you love him?"

"I wouldn't have been such a little brat about all this if I didn't. There's barely anything on the planet worth fighting with you over….." venturing an uncharacteristicly shy smile Eve confesed, "… but he is. He's worth it."

"The brat and the bitch….." laughed Olivia, welling up again and shaking her head disbelievingly, "… we make quite a pair."

"Oh don't cry! I just fixed your face….." sliding an arm around Olivia's waist and hugging close into her Eve walked her toward the restroom door and pushed, "… come on, let's go get coffee, and maybe dessert…."


"Stole you a peanut butter cup…." said Calvin, opening up his fisted palm and presenting Eve with her favourite candy as he arrived at the circular table where she and Olivia were sat sharing a sundae.

"Mom why are you looking at him funny?" asked Eve, as Calvin took a seat between them and Olivia pondered his statement.

"I didn't actually fucking steal it Livia….." ignoring his cuss Olivia just had to laugh, despite everything, despite the situation, despite it all he made her smile and she just couldn't stop him getting under her skin.

"Cal don't cuss in front of her!"

"She's a cop Bambi, she's heard worse."

"So did you steal me one?" asked Olivia, as Eve tucked into her ice cream and allowed the situation to play itself out for a few moments. As Calvin rolled his eyes and he and Olivia just looked at one another a moment Eve struggled to chew for the delighted grin spread from ear to ear. Olivia only teased those she trusted, those she was close enough to share that kind of familiarity with.

"No, but….." leaning over to where Eve had set the peanut butter cup down he plucked it up from the table and threw it across at Olivia, "… there you go."

"Hey! That was mine!"

"Bambi you wanna be BFFs till we're pushing up daisies? Or you wanna help me win her over…." melting both Stabler women to wry smiles Calvin snickered, "…. yeah, no, thought so."

"About that…" holding a mouthful of ice cream on her tongue and allowing it to melt for a moment Eve swallowed slowly and held his eyes, "… I already won her over."

"Hey, hey she is sat right here!" said Olivia, feeling suddenly very much like a third wheel as sparks flew like dancing fireflies between the two teenagers. "Calvin you like chocolate fudge?"

"Sure…."

"Then I'm going to let you two finish this. I'll go over the street and check in with Fin and then baby will you please come over when you're finished and we'll strategize on what the next few days are going to look like?"

"Yes Captain."

"Calvin what she's about to tell you is that I'm lifting the Evie embargo."

"The what now?"

"You can date my girl."

"I can?" waiting for some kind of hidden camera crew to jump out and capture his drop jawed reaction Calvin's wide eyes asked, "But… how…."

"Don't screw up, don't hurt her again, don't hurt her ever….." clipping him fondly around the back of his head Olivia narrowed her eyes and warned, "… or I will hurt you, pretty boy."

"Livia I…."

"I know…." she said slowly, the trust and profound affection in her eyes moving Calvin unspeakably as she winked and managed an exhausted smile, "… I know, sweetheart."

"Did that seriously just happen?" he asked, sitting stunned as Olivia exited the coffee shop and they were alone at the table. "Like, for real? Livia just green lit us? You and me? Together?"

"You and me….." nodded Eve with an elated little sigh as she reached for his hand and held it across the table, "… together."

"Okay then."

"So how about it, Arliss? You wanna be my boyfriend again?"

"I guess, I mean it wouldn't be the worst thing….."

"Hey!" she smarted, lifting her brows and staring at him with an open mouthed smile.

"I'm kidding Bambi….." he murmured, still holding her hand tight as he leant across the table to seal their reunion with a lingering kiss.

"Can I scrape the topping?" she whispered, kissing him repeatedly before pulling away and grabbing for her spoon while he was caught in a weak moment.

"I mean it's usually nice to share but…."

"No, no hands off it's all mine!" she giggled, fighting off his attack as he dove in with his all spoon before all the syrup and sprinkles were gone. "I called it! You can have the ice cream!"

"Bambi…"

"What?" popping a gigantic mouthful of sugar laden goodness into her mouth she blinked curiously and showing him the contents of her mouthful asked, "What? You're staring at me!"

"Because you're such a little piglet! Look at you! You've got half the fucking sundae in there!"

"I got a big mouth….." she snickered, chocking down a swallow as he belly laughed at how she couldn't care less about looking pretty or graceful or feeling self-conscious.

"You're disgusting ….." shaking his head from side to side, curtain hair falling in his face he declared unreservedly, "… and kind of awesome."

"You want some topping? You wanna share? Huh? Huh?" rising up from her chair she leant in against him and pressed cold, sweet, sugary tasting lips against his. "It tastes so good…."

"That's hot, that's really attractive….." pushing her away he rolled his eyes and play fought her resistance, "….look just swallow, yeah? Swallow that shit before you dribble."

"I think we just made this a dirty sundae."

"No you made it a dirty sundae…." he smirked, scooping a modest spoon of ice cream and taking a bite, "… what happened to little miss sweet and innocent?"

"She fell in love with a bad boy."

"Who's that then?" he played, as she nodded doe eyed. "Do I know him?"

"My mother knows me like she's inside my skin."

"I…." but he thought better of speaking and instead just let her take a moment before opening up to him.

"She's a part of me. She knows me better than I know myself. And she understands what I feel for you. When we talked tonight it wasn't like before. She looked at me and I knew for the first time she believed that this isn't just some school girl crush, that I'm not a child anymore. She believes that what I feel for you is real and adult and that this relationship is serious. She trusts me to know my own mind and my own heart and to make my own choices. I chose you, I choose you and my Mom respects that and I guess what I'm saying is that..." pausing a moment, checking he understood her she finished, "...that means something, Cal."

"No, no Evie….." he murmured, reaching to her face, stroking her hair, and then leaning over and drawing her into his arms and hugging her tight"… it means everything."