28.
The sound of the doorbell penetrated Sara's consciousness, setting off a sympathetic throbbing in her head. She silently willed the person into a deep black hole, even though she had a pretty good idea of who it was, as she rolled over to try to get back asleep. Big mistake, she told herself as the sunlight coming through the shades hit her eyes, burning a path from her retinas straight to her muddled brain. Grabbing a pillow, she covered her head and face and tried to ignore the buzzing, the throbbing, and the spinning.
Ten minutes later, she threw the pillow across the room in disgust and squinted at the clock, realizing she had only been asleep for four hours. The person at the doorbell was now alternating between two short and one long on the doorbell and was obviously not going away. Rolling off the bed, Sara unbalanced as soon as her feet hit the floor and the room took a slow, lopsided spin and she sunk back to the mattress, her hands shaking and her stomach queasy.
Not fair. I can't be hung over and still drunk at the same time, she reasoned, so she tried opening her eyes again and watched the room go around again. Somebody, kill me now. Then the events of the day before played against her eyelids like a 'this is your life' movie and the irony hit her. Oh yeah, that's how I got into this mess in the first place. The doorbell was now buzzing out SOS in Morse code, and she vowed to break the thing with her bare hands. Once I'm able to stand, that is.
Trying again, she felt a bit more stable, able to stumble the three steps to the opposite wall, using it to hold her up as she slid to the bathroom. Toothpaste, mouthwash, and a glass of water later, Sara felt vaguely alive and almost up to trying to make it across the living room. Once that heroic feat was accomplished, she decided to skip the victory dance and instead stumbled the last few steps to the door. Foregoing the obligatory glance through the peephole, since there was only one person she could imagine being this stubborn and annoying, she swung open the door and glared at the person on the stoop.
"Catherine."
"It took you long enough. I've been out here for over half an hour." Catherine pushed past her into the hallway, not waiting to be invited in.
"You could have left," Sara said, bluntly, wishing the blonde had taken that option instead of deciding to have this confrontation right now, when she was barely able to stand, much less deal with an emotional Catherine. "In fact, Catherine, it'd probably be better if you did."
"What?" Catherine's shout cut like a razorblade through Sara's head, and she winced. "You want me to leave? Like you wanted me to leave last night?" Sara saw the hurt painted in stark relief across Catherine's face, and it almost penetrated the throbbing fuzziness that was Sara's brain.
In a softer tone, Sara tried to appease the visibly shaking woman in front of her, "Now is not the time to have a conversation, Catherine. Please."
"Hung over?" Catherine asked, satisfaction and anger edging into her voice. Sara squinted open her eyes to see Catherine's smirk, and felt her own anger rise is response. After all, it's never been said that Sara Sidle couldn't give as good as she got.
"Not. Drunk. Enough."
Catherine spun around to hide her expression from Sara, but not quick enough to keep Sara from seeing her barb hit. God, what is wrong with me? I'm acting like a child. She started to reach out when the edge of anger and fear that had been driving Sara for the last 24 hours resurfaced. Wait, when did this become about Catherine and her feelings? I seem to recall I'm the one who had to shoot a guy who wanted to rape and murder me.
Catherine had spun back to face her, fury replacing the hurt in a classic Willows' move: lash out instead of taking the pain in, putting it all on the people around her instead of dealing with it herself. Still, her words stung. "Do you have a drinking problem?"
The juvenile "I drink, I fall down, no problem" flashed through Sara's head as a first response, and for a second, those irrelevant giggles from the previous day returned. Catherine was staring at her, wide-eyed and furious, and Sara thought for a second that the words had slipped out.
"Do you think this is funny?" When Sara didn't immediately respond, Catherine asked again, "I asked you if you have a drinking problem."
"No, Catherine, I don't," Sara shot back. "I had a few drinks. That's it." Suddenly Sara's own rage came bubbling up, pouring into her words. "I'm not your kid, Catherine, I don't need you to take care of me, ok? I'm not Lindsey, you are not my mother, and you don't get to tell me what to do." Sara's voice had risen during her outburst, and Catherine took a step back, surprised. "Not at work and especially not in my own house. I drink, yes. I drank last night because I had to shut my mind off, for just a few hours. I suggested you leave last night because I couldn't look at the disappointment in your eyes because I desperately needed not to feel and you weren't helping. Got it?" A stunned silence descended on the apartment as Sara finished, and she banged her head against the wall at her back, adding to the throbbing behind her eyes.
After a long minute, Catherine finally spoke, choosing her words carefully. "You're right. I'm not your mother and I can't control you. But I am your lover, and…"
"Prove it," came a throaty growl from Sara.
"What? Prove whaaa…. unh." Catherine's words trailed off in a gasp as Sara caught her up, pushing her back against the wall, her tongue sliding between Catherine's lips as their bodies crashed together. Caught off guard and off-balance, Catherine could only cling to Sara as she was overwhelmed by Sara's sudden onslaught. Sara pressed her advantage, forcing Catherine's head back so she could deepen the kiss, her hands on Catherine's hips digging in to bring their bodies even closer.
Catherine could taste the minty flavor of Sara's toothpaste and the faintest tinge of Scotch, could feel the harsh plaster at her back where her shirt was already hiked up, and could hear herself moan as Sara's insistent hands stroked and caressed her overheated skin. Sara broke the kiss, whipping Catherine's shirt and bra off, and the much-needed oxygen returned some ability to process to Catherine's brain.
"Sara," she whispered as Sara nibbled and bit her way down Catherine's neck, her hands finding Catherine's breasts, squeezing and twisting, "Sara, please…."
"Please what?" Sara whispered into Catherine's ear, feeling the shorter woman shiver in her arms.
"Please stop."
"You really don't want me to do that," Sara muttered against her neck, licking the sensitive spot just above Catherine's collarbone as she teased Catherine's nipples with her thumbs, eliciting another throaty moan. Her mouth dipped lower and Catherine arched to meet her lips. Sara's hands slid over Catherine's hips and down her thighs before sliding under her skirt and cupping her ass.
Catherine tried one last time. "Sara… we need to talk."
Sara pulled her mouth back from Catherine's breasts, teasing, taunting, the sensitive flesh with her breath, lightly blowing and watching the quivers in her lover's stomach in response. "Talk later. Fuck now."
"Is that… what we're doing?" Catherine gasped out as her body played traitor, craving Sara's touch. She squirmed under Sara's fingers and mouth, begging to be touched more deeply, more thoroughly.
"You want to call me doing you against a wall making love?" Sara teased Catherine's nipple with the lightest of feather kisses, watching as Catherine's body strained to sustain contact, watching as Catherine caught her bottom lip between her teeth. Catherine flushed as Sara's words, so dirty and immature, so out of character for her tender and sensitive lover, embarrassed and exhilarated her, all at the same time. "Come on, Cath" Sara continued, almost conversationally except for the deep, husky timbre of her voice, "Four-inch heels… a skirt… a thong? You honestly expect me to believe you came here for conversation?"
"I… " Unable to take any more teasing, Catherine wrapped her arms around Sara's waist, pulling her up and in for a smoldering kiss, pressing her body as tightly against Sara's as she could, and still finding too much space. If she could have dissolved her body into Sara's, sliding through her like osmosis, Catherine wasn't sure if she would have been satisfied. She could feel Sara's smirk against her lips, but she just parted them under the pressure, inviting Sara to enter, her fingers raking the tender skin of Sara's back, marking her with long, deep scratches, as Sara's fingers caressed her stomach on their way to her breasts.
Dizzy from the lack of oxygen and from Sara's expert hands, Catherine pulled back from the kiss, forcing Sara's mouth to relocate to her ear, Sara's fingers tangling in her golden hair to hold her head still, her tongue and breath alternating between wetting the sensitive passage and blowing it dry, driving her crazy with want, until Catherine grabbed a handful of hair and pulled Sara's head back, whispering "Do me now" through clenched teeth.
Catherine's fingers clutching Sara's shoulder under her hand, desperately trying to convey her need. "Sara, please," she begged. Wrapping one arm around Catherine's waist to hold her steady, Sara parted Catherine's lips with her fingers, eliciting a gasp from her lover. Catherine wanted to scream but she couldn't find the breath; she could hear her own voice muttering "Oh god, please, yes, please, Sara, god," like a mantra, pleading for the satisfaction that Sara promised with every touch, every movement of her tongue.
Just as Catherine felt her legs begin to shake with her impending orgasm, Sara slowed the tempo, pulling Catherine back from the edge while Catherine pleaded and begged her for release, her hand finding its way into the auburn hair to pull Sara's mouth to her. Catherine's pleading was wordless now, just a long moan punctuated by gasps and yelps as Sara drove Catherine over the edge. Catherine screamed then, her body thrashing and shaking as wave after wave washed over her.
When she was able to breathe again, Catherine was thankful for Sara's strong arms holding her up as she unclamped her cramping hand from the coat rack, wiping at the tears in her eyes. Sliding up her body, Sara caught her and cradled her, suddenly, unexpectedly, tender and soothing. Catherine reveled in the feeling of safety and security that washed over her as she was cocooned by Sara's body.
Wrapped up in Sara felt like home, she realized, like this was the place she could rest and lay down her burdens, and the anxiety of the previous two days suddenly made sense. I couldn't touch her, I haven't really touched her for the last two days. I just needed to put my arms around her and breathe her in. Catherine nuzzled into Sara's neck, pressing soft kisses there, feeling utterly spent but knowing, more than anything, that she wanted to touch and taste every inch of Sara's body.
She heard and felt Sara's laugh rumble through her chest as Catherine's kisses got more insistent, her teeth fastening on the soft skin and biting down hard. "Are you sure you don't want to talk now?" Sara asked. Ignoring her teasing, Catherine caught her chin and kissed her way up to Sara;s mouth, tasting Sara's toothpaste and herself on Sara's lips.
Sara's lips parted, allowing entrance, but Catherine didn't take her up on the invitation, instead feathering kisses along her cheekbones and over her eyelids. Her fingers traced the places where she had raked Sara's smooth back, liking the idea that Sara was carrying her marks. She wanted to imprint her touch on Sara's body, tattoo herself onto every inch of skin, and Catherine was shocked by her possessiveness. She wanted to erase the memory of every past lover and make it so that only her touch remained, forever and ever.
Pulling back, Catherine stared into Sara's ebony eyes, clouded with desire, raw with want, and she reached out, stroking Sara's face gently while she brought Sara's hand to her mouth, kissing and licking the palm, sucking her fingers, nibbling the pulse at her wrist, all the while keeping her eyes locked on Sara's. Sliding Sara's boxers down her legs and her own skirt off as they moved, Catherine backed Sara up and bent her back over the kitchen counter.
Catherine leaned against the long muscular body and brushed her nipples against Sara's, loving the fact that her heels gave her the height advantage for once. Bracing herself against the counter and dipping her mouth down, Catherine gave Sara a slow, deep, open-mouthed kiss that went on forever, her tongue exploring every inch of Sara's mouth and Sara let her dominate with no resistance. She parted Sara's thighs, sliding her own between them to press against the wetness at Sara's center, and heard Sara whimper deep in her throat in response. Seeing Sara's glazed expression when she raised her head, Catherine smirked, rubbing her thigh against the sensitive skin while Sara's stomach contracted and she bit back a moan.
Sara's hands wrapped around Catherine's waist to try to pull her closer, but Catherine caught them, forcing them back to the kitchen counter. "Keep them there," she growled in Sara's ear, catching the earlobe between her teeth, "And keep your eyes closed." Catherine watched as Sara's eyelids obediently fluttered closed. Sara's immediate and unquestioning acquiesce unleashed a wild passion inside of Catherine and she bared her teeth in a feral smile as she attacked the already bruised flesh of Sara's shoulder with her mouth. She continued her assault down Sara's chest, leaving a trail of bites down to her breasts.
Sucking Sara's nipple into her mouth, she teased the taut flesh with quick, forceful strokes, feeling Sara's body quiver under her with each flick of her tongue. Catherine raised her head and gazed up at Sara's face, with her closed eyes and clenched teeth, appearing preternaturally quiet and calm, standing as still as a statue. Catherine nibbled her way back up Sara's neck, leaving a trail of kisses instead of bites this time. She stopped, poised above the trembling body of her lover, and watched as Sara braced herself on shaky arms and waited. Catherine let her weight sink into Sara, trusting in Sara's strength to hold them both up, as she began to slowly grind into her body, hip to hip, breast to breast, mouth to mouth. Her hands curled around Sara's ass and crushed their bodies together, eliciting a soft gasp from Sara, as Catherine kept up her slow grind.
Sara's head had fallen back, her eyes still closed, obviously concentrating on every movement Catherine made. Her hands free, Catherine let them roam, leaving marks everywhere they wandered, scratches along the sensitive skin of Sara's back, bruises on her thighs. Her hands roamed, pausing only for moments, never long enough if Sara's gasps were any indication. Smiling into the kiss, Catherine teased Sara's taunt body, stretched tight and trembling with every touch, every sensation. Leaving Sara's mouth, Catherine began a painfully slow journey down Sara's body, tasting and nibbling every inch of flesh as she made her way across Sara's stomach and down her thighs.
Sara's body was a study in tension; every muscle stretched taut to the absolute breaking point as Catherine played Sara's body like a musical instrument, every kiss, every lick, and every slightest touch setting off a resonant tremble rippling through Sara's body, her stomach twitching with every caress. Catherine had never seen her so quiet yet so focused in her passion, and it drove her to tease and touch Sara everywhere but where she most needed it. Sara, to her credit, didn't plead or beg, but instead let Catherine play her body until each stroke elicited a gasp of pain and need from her. Finally, Sara convulsed, her entire body collapsing as all the tension in her body let go, and all her breath left her body in a rush.
Catherine caught Sara as she collapsed onto the counter, arms and body giving way suddenly, completely spent. Pulling Sara into a hug, Catherine pressed soft kisses into Sara's neck, feeling Sara drape her body over her shoulders.
Finally, Catherine managed to maneuver them into the bedroom, kicking her shoes off somewhere along the way, her eyes closing the instant her head hit the pillow.
I can't sleep
When I'm not next to you
I cry
This is love
This is how I love you
-Me'shell Ndegeochello, Love Song #1
xxx
AN: I edited this to make it suitable for The unedited version can be found on the CatherineSara Yahoo group and will eventually be archived on Passion and Perfection.
