Buck

I didn't sleep much last night. I just couldn't stand turning around and seeing her face. Not now I might never see it again. I don't know why she's leaving. How could she do this to me? Maybe when I get her out of here I'll cut my throat. Yes, that sounds good. Suicide. If she's going to leave me then I'll leave the world.

"It's time we got going."

Not so much as a thought in my direction. Just going away. I dare say she wouldn't have told me if she knew how to get out. Then where would I be? Dead already I expect. How long has she been waiting to do this? Months probably. It could even be years after the way she's been treating me. And now she wants to go one step further. I wonder if she wishes she could stay and watch me drown in my own blood. Yes, she would. Maybe she will. I'll show her the way out and then she'll come back and watch me die.

"Uh, Buck."

Why should I listen to what she's going to say. It's only going to be something to make me even more depressed.

"Listen, Buck. I'm really sorry I'm leaving bu'."

"No you're not! You've been waiting for this, haven't you. A way to throw me into the depths of hell. Of course you could have just taken me to lava falls if you'd ever come out with me and not stayed in the house moaning about me not doing anything while I fetch all the food, check out the area and make it safe for you. All I ever did was love you Scarlet and you kick me out. Throw me away like a dead pet. I was your rag doll wasn't I. Wasn't I! You can do anything to me and I'll play along, not even care when you rip me to pieces. Well this is the one thing I can't stand, Scarlet! I love you. I'll love you to the ends of the Earth and I don't know what I've done to hurt you, to force you to leave, but it's to much for me to have you break my heart!"

"You didn't do anything! It's me, Buck! I can't stand to stay and watch the repercussions of all the horrible things I've done to you. I know it sounds like I'm running away. I didn't realize before, but when Misty came and told me what I was doing she showed me Buck. She showed me how you took me in and I showed no sign of being grateful. She showed me how little love I was giving you in return and instead giving hateful wrath. That day when Misty took you in and I, I threw you to the depths, Buck! You know I love you, don't you Buck? I don't want to hurt you, you know that! But one day it will be too much, my selfish ways will take me over and I will attack you and I know you won't do anything because you won't want to hurt me. I can't stay and do that to you. I can't let you. I'm sorry I did all those things to you, Buck. I'm the worst wife there has ever been and no one, not even you can change that. So you see I have to leave. When I go I'll go to my parents. I'll go back to a calm serenity where I can learn not to be this way and maybe one day I'll come back to see you, but right now I can't do that. I don't want to hurt you."

The shock of what she just said is not what I expected. She's leaving because she loves me? But how can I trust her? There are very few reasons for me to trust her now. But, I'll think about it.