Tempus Magia

Chapter 28:

Hermione Granger made a grave error during the final battle that resulted in Remus's death. Working as an unspeakable she spends two years working on a spell using powder from time turners to go back to Remus's greatest hour of need. What if Remus's greatest time of need wasn't in *this* war?


Author Note: Please note there is a trigger warning for anyone with depression, thoughts of suicide and or suicidal tendencies. While this chapter helped me with things I have gone through and are going through in my personal life, it is not for everyone.

Please do not expose yourself if you don't think it is something you can emotionally handle. There is no shame in admitting that something is too much for you and I will gladly summarize the chapter without the bits that can be potentially harmful.

Sending all my love to everyone reading and a reminder that *you* are loved and wanted and needed in the world.

24/7 National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255


The next two weeks flew by in a flurry of activity. Sirius and James returned to their mission and stakeouts with Remus back at home. They were in and out of the house so often that Hermione had no idea what their actual schedule was. She knew when Sirius was home because he always made time to train with her.

She taught him new spells and helped him perfect his wand movements. It bothered her that he could not cast a Patronus. She had spent a full week working on it with him when Remus and James sat her down and begged her stop.

"Hermione, love he doesn't have any memories happy enough." Hermione burst into tears much to the alarm of everyone else in the room. She apologized profusely to Sirius. They weren't stupid. They knew that it had something to do with the future, that she was trying to help him with.

James began teaching Hermione how to fight in hand to hand combat. She actually enjoyed their lessons and often she would leave the lesson and realize she had been calling him Harry the entire time. James never said anything and Hermione wondered if it bothered him.

Remus took Hermione on four more dates and three more visits to the library cafe. There was no official name for the cafe and it was not in the directory. After an attack on a new muggleborn student, Hermione removed her parents from the British directory and spelled them to be unaddable. She remembered them complaining about it growing up and she laughed that she was the reason their families age-old question.

The next day she disguised herself and went to visit her parents with Pandora after brewing. She stood with Pandora watching them on their weekly stroll in the park and whispered every regret and every apology she had ever wanted to say to them. When they passed the two witches, Pandora complimented on their adorable baby in the pram. Her mother complimented Hermione on her teeth and she burst into tears. Pandora calmly explained that she had lost her parents who were dentists.

They left without giving a proper explanation to the alarmed couple. Hermione spent the rest of the day in Remus's arms. They were barely apart and Hermione found that sometimes they knew what the other one was thinking without having to say anything. It only took a week for Sirius to walk in on them and Hermione still thought he did it on purpose. Why would he come all the way into her bathroom to tell her that breakfast was ready?

After their first night together, Remus moved all of his things into Hermione's room. They painted the walls and put up more bookshelves. Their favorite books went in their nightstands with extension charms. It irked Remus that she wouldn't let anyone let her be in any pictures. He wanted to hang one up of the two of them in their room. Lily claimed that they were nesting.

Hermione knew that Pandora had managed to get her in one and that she had it secreted away in her home somewhere. She had asked her for the picture but Pandora insisted that Remus was going to need it after she left. Hermione sighed and considered that she might be right.

Just the upcoming full moon had him pacing the house at all hours of the day. If he had managed to break out of the most secure camp for werewolves, how was he going to keep Hermione safe? After three days of no sleep and endlessly restless werewolf, Hermione owled Dumbledore. Her old headmaster offered his services but it didn't completely stop her boyfriend from worrying. He still had another two weeks to the full moon and until then they were all safe at home looking after a pregnant and miserable Lily.

Lily morning sickness had hit her in full force. "I don't understand why it's called morning sickness! I'm always sick!"

Molly Weasley sent over some fresh ginger and cookies baked by her little ones. Hermione giggled at the idea of Charlie Weasley baking her cookies. The dragon tamer was the image that of most teenage girl's fantasies. It was hard to reconcile with the toothless boy who handed 'Mondidee' a basket of cookies from his mum.

Sirius was outside smoking again. Dinner was a chicken affair that Hermione was obsessing over. Apparently, she liked chicken and the recipe that Lily was trying out didn't adhere to her 'chicken making' rules.

"You know he's going to have to give that up when the baby comes, right?" Remus said nodding at Sirius through the window.

James nodded. "Yeah, I read the new studies."

"I spoke to Albus about the full moon."

"Remus, stop worrying so much. Dumbledore says the shack is warded to keep an entire pack inside. He says you'll be safe as long as you're inside."

"It was kind of him to let me stay."

James scoffed. "Kind? You're risking your life with this pack business. It's the least he could do."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "I thought you liked Albus?"

"I do, but I hate when people take advantage of you."

Laughter rang out from the kitchen as Lily swatted Hermione with a towel. Remus stared after her as she carried a bowl of rice to the table. Lily was shouting at Sirius to come in for dinner. She'd be over to fetch them soon. "Hey, James?"

"Yeah," he answered distractedly.

"I think I'm in love with Hermione."

James had his full attention.

"Not think. I know. I know I'm in love with her and I know it's weird. She's your sons friend, but… I mean she's Hermione. I can't imagine my life without her."

Rather than tell him all of the reasons that it wasn't a good idea. Why it was a terrible idea, James hugged him. "I'm happy for your brother. You deserve every bit of happiness you get."

Lily stood in front of them with her hands on her hips. "Are you two coming in for dinner or what?"

Remus passed Lily and took his place next to a hovering Hermione. Lily eyes bugged out and she pinched her husband's arm. "Please tell me I imagined that."

James kissed his wife. "They both deserve the happiness that they've found together."

"I agree, but how long will it last?"

Hermione was stirring her tea and not paying attention to the room around her. Lily was throwing things out. "Why do I have so many salad bowls? I never even make salad! Hermione when was the last time we had salad?"

"Lily," she called while sipping her tea.

"Yeah?"

"What did we have for lunch today?"

Lily stood over the rubbish bin the salad bowl they had eaten out of today raised over the rubbish bag. "Oh."

Hermione chuckled. "How about you have a seat?"

"I feel like I need to do something."

"What?"

"I don't know, anything."

Hermione thought for a moment. "I have an idea, how we go to the movies. Just me and you? We'll leave a note for Remus so he'll know where we are when he gets off his shift."

Remus was working at the bookstore cafe. Lily's eyes brightened. "The movies? God, I haven't gone since… Well, I guess when you have magic you forget about the regular types of magic."

"What should we see?"

"Why don't we go to the box office and just see what's playing. We should be able to catch a two o'clock showing if we apparate now."

They apparated to a theatre in Cokeworth. They snuck wizarding treats in their bags and asked to see the ticket lady to see a comedy. They were given tickets and they went to purchase popcorn and pop. Once they were settled into their seats, Hermione set wards around them so they could enjoy the movie.

In retrospect, they probably should have asked for the name of the movie. Hermione and Lily left the showing of American Gigolo feeling not only hyped and bothered but also emotional.

"I still can't believe you called it as soon as the Rheimans walked into the room!" Lily said for the third time.

They ducked into a small shop to buy ingredients for dinner. Hermione was making her chicken lasagna and everyone at home was pretty excited that she was making dinner solo. Honestly, she was just missing Harry and feeling nostalgic.

Hermione put the chicken in the cart while they moved onto the vegetable aisle. "You know there was something off about them. Also, why would they show this specific couple unless they were essential to the storyline."

Lily chuckled. "You're so analytical sometimes. I think that's why you and Remus make a good pair. Well, you know besides the apparent mind-blowing sex."

Hermione looked around to make sure no one heard. "What are you talking about?" she hissed.

"Remus and James were talking the other night. Apparently, your the 'best he's ever had' and if he didn't think it would terrify you into running he would already have offered you a ring on one knee. He spoke to his mum about you."

Hermione paled. That was why he went home to visit his parents?

"Hermione you look like you're going to pass out."

Hermione rounded on Lily, "He knows that this is temporary. I can't stay. Lily, he has a son ."

Lily sighed and grabbed two onions. "Hermione, I know that but he still allowed to be in love with you."

Hermione dropped the potato she picked up. "What?"

Lily froze like a deer or more accurately a doe in headlights. "What?"

"Lily Potter, don't you dare ignore me!" two older ladies in the aisle were staring.

"Hermione, it's not such a big deal. They were talking and Remus mentioned that he was in-"

Hermione backed up into the sweet potatoes. "No. No. No."

Lily twisted the bag of potatoes. "Honestly, Hermione what did you think would happen? You've been dating and living together for several weeks. If he didn't fall in love with you I would think there was something wrong with him."

Hermione felt as if the world was crashing around her. They were fooling around it was supposed to be fun. It was not-

"Hermione? Are you not in love with Remus?"

"Lily, I think I need to stay at Pandora's for a couple of days." Lily tried to hide the hurt but it was clear on her face. "I need some time alone. It's not..."

"Personal? Yeah, I'll be sure to tell that to Remus." Lily snapped before turning on her heel and left the store.

Hermione returned the items to the shelves as she drowned in her own misery. Everything had been perfect with Remus. Perfect. She should have known that it was too perfect.

Where had she gone wrong? Had she gotten too comfortable?

The truth was that she had. She didn't belong here. She wasn't supposed to exist. She needed to save Remus and go home. Hermione left the store and walked to the apparition point. She had never apparated to the Lovegoods but she remembered how to get there from the nineties. Ron's family lived not too far away.

When she walked up the stairs, Pandora was standing at the door. Hermione ran into her arms and cried.

"Lily Floo called. She was pretty distraught." She ushered her in and sat her down for tea. Xeno was promptly removed from the kitchen and Hermione guiltily wondered why she never thought of preserving memories for Luna.

"I'm not supposed to be here, Pandy." She cried miserably. Her tears had long since dried out and they ran out of the spongy cake that Hermione was pretty sure contained some sort of weed-like substance. "But I don't really belong anywhere."

Pandora covered her hand with her own. "What happened Hermione?"

"I hesitated. I hesitated and he died instead of me. Then I found out my parents were dead. My friends were dead, my family was dead, and my boyfriend walked out on me. It just got too much. I didn't want to be left behind anymore. I didn't want to fight just to get out of bed every morning. I was so tired Pandy.

"It wasn't hard. I saw the posters all over Diagon. 'Cutting slices are not for taking Lives,' dumb slogan if you ask me but it stuck. I was sitting in front of my fireplace staring at a bottle of firewhiskey. I rationalized that I was a Gryffindor. I was brave and I was brave enough to join my parents. The actions were easy enough to do. I said the names of everyone I would see and I cast the spell."

They were quiet for several moments and Hermione could hear a clock ticking somewhere in the house.

"I know now that it was the wrong thing to do. I only survived because my ex came to return my things. They… the healers said I wasn't responsive when they brought me to Saint Mungos. I saw a mental health Healer and had to pass an evaluation to go back to work. My boss. My boss came to visit me every day when I was in Saint Mungos. So did Luna and Harry and Ginny. My boyfriend blamed himself and dropped out of the Quidditch team he had been signed with. The guilt that came with that discovery almost made me relapse, but I had tools. My therapist helped me create tools to deal with..."

Hermione looked up. The usually stoic and unfazeable Pandora Lovegood's eyes were puffy and red, her face streaked with tears.

"I'm sorry, Pandy. I didn't mean to-" Pandora through herself out of her chair and into Hermione's arms. She hugged her tightly and cried into her arms.

"You are so loved, Hermione." The damn broke and Hermione cried into Pandora's shoulder. "So so loved."

"Pandora, what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, Hermione. You're human and you are loved and there is nothing wrong with you." Pandora hugged Hermione for a long time. The two women moved to the couch and spoke for a long into the night. Pandora told her about her mother who died in childbirth and her brother who lived in America and worried about her all the time.

Remus sat with his hands in his lap. He was waiting for Lily and Hermione to come home. He had been picking up as many shifts as he could so he could buy Hermione earrings. He noticed that she barely wore any jewelry. Whenever she did, it was because Lily had forced it on her. He heard her complain that jewelry was a precious thing and the only thing she wore in the future was things her parents had bought her.

She wasn't fussy like that and he loved that about her. He liked that she mended both of their sweaters and didn't bug him to buy new ones. She never offered him money, even though he knew she had brought money back with her. Lily had mentioned it.

He slid his hand over his pocket. His mother had helped him pick them out earlier that day. They were a pair of hearts with bits of diamond chips in them. They weren't extravagant but he wanted to show her how much he loved her. He couldn't say it though. Hermione was nervous and flighty.

It was okay, really. He could love them enough for both of them until she was ready. The Floo roared and Remus stood up to greet them and ask them about their movie.

Lily stumbled out of the Floo, crying. Remus felt his stomach drop when the connection ended and Hermione didn't come in with her.

"Lily, where is Hermione? Is she okay? What happened?"
"Remus, I screwed up. I screwed up." Lily collapsed and Remus caught her, setting her down on the couch.

Remus didn't try to understand what she was mumbling to herself. He sent an emergency Patronus to Sirius and James. Lily was sobbing into a pillow when they came running in the room.

"Lily!" James cried.

Sirius face paled when he saw Remus, "Where is Hermione?"

"I can't get Lily to speak."

James coaxed Lily into his lap. "Lily bear is Hermione safe?"

Lily nodded, yes.

"Okay," he said slowly. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Remus stood frozen as the story fell from her lips. He shook his head as the story got worse. He heard his back hit the door and heard James and Sirius calling him but he was gone. He was running from the cottage, from his friends, and from everything that reminded him of the girl that would rather run to someone she had met a handful of times rather than the wizard who was hopelessly in love with her.