A/N: I am so sorry this took so long--you have no idea. School is crazy--life in general is crazy. I haven't hand the time or the mind-set to write this. I wanted to make sure it wasn't crappy, so I had to be in the zone...;D Since you had to wait so long, I had to make sure it was worth your while--well I hope it is...you'll have to tell me. I tried to include the stuff you've all been asking for.
Thank you all so much for not giving up on me!! And without further ado, here is the chapter. I hope you like it!
CH. 28-Knowing
Edward's POV
I couldn't take much more of this. I was forced to see Bella's pained face in my mind constantly. The thoughts of everyone attending today revealed her frail body—cleverly dressed by Alice to make it appear as such—her pale, shaky hands, her soft lips turned into a grimace, but worst of all, her eyes. Bella's eyes haunted me. The pain in them was unimaginable. There was only one thing that I could attribute to her ever feeling this way…and I hated myself for it. She knew I wasn't gone now, but she had once believed it to be true. I tried to make myself believe that she was only so pained because she was an incredibly good actor—contrary to my prior belief—but I knew that that was not in fact the case.
I didn't care if it took eternity, for we had that together now, but I would make it up to her. I would make her trust me again. I had to. I couldn't stand the doubt in her eyes whenever I stepped away from her. I would prove myself to her. If it's the last thing I ever do in this otherwise pointless existence, I will prove my love and devotion to her once again. I had the world before I left her, and now I'm left with it's broken ruins.
I had waited anxiously for my family to arrive. I was apprehensive to see how my Bella reacted to being immersed in the human's powerful scent, but she had handled it incredibly well, considering the situation she had been placed in. Now would be the opportune time to be able to read her oh-so-private mind, but it would never be so. I desperately wanted to go to her, but that was out of the question. Carlisle often thought words of assurance to me, but I paid them little mind.
The time had finally come, and everyone took a seat. The priest stepped up to the podium and began to speak. I did not comprehend a word he said. My mind was filled with Bella and the empty look on her face. How could she do this to herself?! I had had no idea that she would react this way to my absence. But even still, I had returned to her. Was that not enough? Of course, not. It would never be enough, for the damage I had done was too great, dare I say irreparable?
Alice soon stepped forth to deliver the eulogy. She kept glancing uneasily at Bella. Alice knew this was hard for her—hell, everyone did—but I knew that Alice didn't want to say anything to hurt Bella anymore than I already had. How could I have been so foolish?! I should have listened to Alice from the start. I should never have left Forks. I should never have denied that Bella would in fact become one of us—but I had, and I see where that left me. She was one of the eternally damned anyway, and immersed in sheer heartbreak, over and over again—because of me and my stupidity.
During one of Alice's glances, I noticed something that I had not seen before, for I had been too focused on her grief-stricken face and tortured eyes to notice it. But how had I missed it? What had happened in the short time I was away? I feared the worst—that mongrel Jacob had gotten to her before I, and the damage I had caused could not be repaired nor forgiven. Her decision had been made. But then I looked closer and realized that I had seen that diamond ring before—yes, I had definitely seen it, and held it, watched it shimmer in the sunlight, stunningly beautiful, as was the one I wished to give it to. I had pondered the best time to give it to her since we had been reunited, but had second guessed myself at the last possible moment and kept it, deciding that she could not possibly agree to it. I knew I would not be able to cope with the rejection. But how had she gotten it?
My thoughts were interrupted as I was jostled about in the wooden cage. It was over? I really had to be more observant. I was letting too many things slip. But Bella had always done that to me… Reason and focus always evanesced whenever I was around her.
I watched through Esme's eyes as Bella ran from the room. Her thoughts were pitying and regretful. Poor girl. I can't imagine what she's been through because of us. I heard the car door slam as she slid into the backseat of her new car. Dammit! Was there nothing left for me to give to her? Jasper, sensing my annoyance, silently apologized. Apparently Carlisle was behind all of this—ring included. His thoughts were also very repentant. He backed himself up, and with fairly decent logic, I must admit. I might have done the same thing…maybe. But if it made Bella feel better, I couldn't really care less. He was forgiven…for the most part.
We arrived at the cemetery, the part of today that I was dreading the most. I would get a taste of my own medicine, so to speak, and have to watch my love die, for all intents and purposes, only a few feet away from me, unable to go to her. If there was such thing as a Hell on Earth, this was it, no doubt about it.
The minister spoke again, and then stepped away to let my family pay their last respects. They each approached and placed the rose on the lid of the casket after saying a few words and took their seat again. They all had now, except one. Bella had yet to step forward. I could see the unease in her eyes…well, Carlisle could, but it's a mute point, really. She was handling herself very well. I could see no thirst in her eyes.
She finally brought herself to step forward and stumble towards me. My hands were clenched into fists at my sides. I so desperately wanted to hold her close to me, erase the pain in her eyes. She kissed the rose and placed it with the others. I watched the plan unfold through the eyes of everyone here. Bella collapsed where she stood. Sobs wracked her thin body, and Carlisle rushed forward. She dried relentlessly and clutched his shirt. And then she said it. "He's gone." I wondered if this was what it had been like for her when I had left her, and without a doubt knew that it was indeed true.
The scene escalated and Bella began gasping. Her body went limp in Carlisle's arms. He executed everything perfectly. Rain began to fall and ran down his face like tears. Esme knelt beside him, and they remained there until the ambulance arrived. Carlisle was like stone as they took her away. Everyone else had also gone, leaving only my family here.
They stayed all afternoon. The pouring rain did not affect them, obviously. No one dared bother them. And that was what we needed. Under the cover of dark, I slipped out of the casket. I ran towards the hospital without looking back. I knew that they would be going back to the house. We would meet them there later.
I slipped into the ambulance bay unnoticed and approached the ambulance. I gripped the handle and pooped the back door open. I saw her body tense, and her already unnecessary lungs shut down. The changes would not have been noticeable to a human. I climbed agilely into the back and approached the gurney. I bent over her and rested my hands on either side of her face, pressing my lips to her forehead. "It's me, Love."
Her eyes flew open and she shot up. I jumped back, in sync with her movements. She threw her arms around my neck and buried her face in my shoulder. I returned her embrace willingly. I breathed in her glorious scent, and kissed her temple.
"I missed you," she mumbled.
"As did I, my love." After a moments pause, I spoke again. "What would you say to getting out of here?"
She looked up at me. "Please, let's."
I smiled and jumped down out of the back of the ambulance. I reached up and grabbed her waist and held she rested her hands on my shoulders. When she jumped off, I did not let her down right away. I instead spun her around in the air. Our lips met as her feet touched the ground. She wound her hand through my hair, deepening the kiss. I smiled against her lips. "Not now, Love. We have to go."
She groaned and pulled away.
I chuckled quietly. "Must I always be the responsible one?"
"Umm…yes." She smiled and kissed me briefly once more before turning and dashing away. I ran up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder.
"Ready?"
"Mmhm," she mumbled.
"Then follow me."
We ran directly to the cover of the trees. Granted, it was dark, but we still didn't want to risk anyone seeing us. It felt wonderful to have her run beside me—as an equal. "You see? I told you it was nearly impossible to hit a tree." She didn't let the "nearly impossible" slip by unnoticed.
"And what's that supposed to mean, Mr. Cullen?"
"Oh, nothing," I said nonchalantly. "Just the simple fact that you never could walk across a flat surface without tripping on air." I wanted to keep her mind off of what she had been through today, and this was working perfectly. I knew just where to go.
She glared at me, and I sped up, laughing as I dashed away in fear for my life. Her newborn strength was fading, and she was having a harder time keeping up with me. Or so I thought.
She ran into me from the side, causing me to fly in the other direction. We landed in a heap in the grass. We had made it to the meadow, my ultimate goal, though not how I had anticipated. I rolled onto my back, laughing, and she adjusted herself to lie on my chest. I reached up and cupped her cheek in my hand. She smiled gently and closed her eyes. She leaned down and pressed her soft lips to mine. I reached up with my other hand, winding my fingers through her thick mahogany locks. Her kisses grew fervent and I rolled over, pinning her beneath me. She wrapped her arms around my torso and pulled me closer to her. I wasn't about to object. I had been apart from her for too long today, and I couldn't bear the absence of her touch any longer. Apparently, neither could she.
Bella moved her hands downward to the hem of my shirt and pulled it up, exposing my pale skin as she went. I had to break our kiss to allow her to pull my shirt over my head. She tossed it to the side, and her lips met mine with intensified passion. How she could still love me this way after what I had put her through was unknown to me, but frankly, I couldn't care less at the moment. I returned her kisses with all of the emotion in my being. She ran her hands up and down my back, making my spine tingle.
I rolled over again to allow me to reach the zipper on the back of her dress. I ran my hand up her side and paused at the pull of her zipper, allowing her time to object. I didn't want to force my Bella into something she didn't want to do. She nodded feverishly, and I continued with my most recent task.
I grazed my hand on her skin as I pulled the zipper down, exposing her pale and beautiful back as I went. She shuddered in my arms. "I love you so much, Bella," I whispered.
"I know," she replied, just as softly.
With those words, the feeling of the truth in them washed over me. I don't know why it had taken me so long to accept them, but I finally had. I felt empowered by them, like I could take on the world. I had my only love back; I had my Bella. She gave herself to me wholly again, even after I had broken her, and trusted me completely with the heart I had previously shattered. What I had ever done to be worthy of such an incredible creature, I do not know, but I will be eternally grateful—a slave to her wishes. She had forgiven me after all I had done. Our love had been fully mended, however delayed, hindered only by my own stupidity. I kissed her forcefully, as if confirming my revelation. I could sense the change in her emotions as well. She knew that I had finally seen the truth. And I was overjoyed, for both our sakes.
A/N: So, like I said, I wanted it to be good. Was it worth the wait?(so very, very sorry about that, by the way) Please review! But you've all been wonderful, so I'm not too worried! I don't know when the next chapter will be up(plan on sooner than this. I feel so horrible.)...not sure what exactly is going to happen either, so feel free to suggest anything!
