AN: Hi guys! I know I've been a lousy excuse of a writer fro the past eh...three months, but I'm trying and that's all I can do. Anyhow, here's another chapter for New Years! I hope you like it. (It's not Betaed so sorry for that. It should be pretty correct though.)
Cruel Reflections
All characters belong to Casandra Clare
Chapter 28
Magnus' point of view
Alec was surprisingly tranquil. He radiated an aura that practically screeched calm. It was most unsettling. Magnus was impressed. Either he really didn't care or he was really good at acting like he didn't care. Magnus leaned on his kitchen counter that was cluttered with everything from a neon pink mini toaster to a water powered hourglass and gazed upon the majestic view he liked to call Alexander Lightwood. Alec was sprawled on Magnus' brown leather couch and in his hands he held a copy of Jack Kerouac's On the Road. Tessa had been bugging Magnus for weeks for him to read that book, but it just hadn't appealed to him, which Tessa had remarked as absolutely impossible since the book included road trips, booze and jazz. Magnus had to admit he liked all three.
Nevertheless Magnus had to hand it to Alec, the guy made reading look sexy as hell. As in Satan himself would join their book club as soon as he'd see Alec shower fresh in nothing but pajama pants looking beyond concentrated with his nose buried in a novel. It was practically X-rated. Someone should write a book about that.
"Why are you staring at me?" Alec asked, not once looking up from his book.
"Because you're hot," Magnus stated blatantly.
"Oh and here I thought it was because you were worried I was going to have a mental breakdown," Alec muttered. He bit his lip, waiting for an answer.
"Nah, I'm not worried," Magnus bluffed and poured steaming water into two oversized cups. He sank fresh mint tea bags into both cups and waddled over to Alec, careful not to spill a drop on his new blood red carpet. He sat on the edge of the sofa forcing Alec to move out of the way.
"So you're not worried?" Alec asked, sounding doubtful. His blue eyes finally left the pages of the book and studied Magnus with candid concentration.
"Not unless you are," Magnus said and gently handed Alec his tea. "Drink up, it'll make you perky."
"Perky?"
"Mhm. You're gonna explain the entire plot of this book to me, with details so that I can get Tess off my back and you'll have something other to think about than Izzy potentially outing you, sounds like a plan?" Magnus shot Alec his most charming smile, but was faced with a disgruntled look.
"Is that so?"
"Yes?"
"You're benefitting of my distress," Alec complained, but took a sip anyway. Magnus watched him burn his lips on the hot water and flinched.
"Careful, it's hot," he laughed apologetically.
"You don't say," Alec whispered. "Do you really even care about the book?"
"It seems to me like you care about it," Magnus said and pulled Alec closer. He set his tea on the side table and let Alec lean against his chest. "If you're into it, I'm sure I'll be interested."
"Alright," Alec sighed. "But you better not fall asleep while I'm explaining," he warned playfully.
"That's what the tea is for, dear," Magnus joked and brushed his thumb across Alec's cheek. "But in all seriousness, I'm all ears."
"Wow, this Neal guy sounds like a jerk," Magnus said in awe. "I love him."
"Yeah, he's a classical character. He wants everything, but he doesn't even know what he's looking for," Alec explained in a matter of fact way.
"You've given this some thought," Magnus muttered and played with strands of Alec's black hair. They had shifted into a comfortable position with Alec laying Across Magnus' lap.
"Yeah, I used to wish I could be like Neal, confident and outgoing and…crazy, but then I realized he wasn't really happy."
"He seemed pretty happy to me," Magnus countered.
"Well, I guess on the surface, but you gotta look at what he ends up with," Alec said, his voice full of reflective tones.
"He ends up with the nice lady," Magnus said, feeling a bit confused. Wasn't a happy ending all everyone ever wanted?
"Well, uh, yeah, but he doesn't end up with his true love. Not in my opinion anyway," Alec laughed.
"Who's his true love?" Magnus asked, arching his eyebrows in curiosity.
"It's stupid," Alec muttered and shook his head.
"No, tell me. You've gotta tell me now," Magnus begged. "I need to know. Pretty please."
"Okay, but this is just my opinion, so don't go flaunting 'your' knowledge to Tessa," Alec warned. Magnus nodded eagerly. "Alright, so I think Neal's true love was LuAnne."
"But they drove each other mad?" Magnus remarked. "They weren't good for each other."
"Yeah, but they were passionate, they loved intensely and I think it's beautiful. It's like a war with only one sole survivor, like, you know it's not gonna last, but it burns so brightly that maybe it's worth all the pain."
"Huh, I never took you for a misery love guy," Magnus uttered. "But it's kinda hot."
"Everything about me is hot," Alec retorted benevolently. "You said so yourself."
"Hmm," Magnus mused overtaken by a sudden apathetic burst. "There's nothing hot about you being in pain."
"Well then… you're lucky I'm not…in pain," Alec laughed awkwardly. His blue eyes dodged Magnus' intense stare and drifted to the ceiling. There was something so abandoned in the way he forced a little meek smile onto his beautiful lips. Magnus ached for him in a very different way than he was used to.
"Alexander," Magnus whispered quietly, barely audible.
"Don't," Alec tried. His smile wavering a tad as he spoke.
"Alexander," Magnus continued anyway, he couldn't help himself. "That is perhaps the biggest lie I've ever heard."
"I know," Alec admitted; his state false tranquility.
"Lying to yourself hardly gets you anywhere, I should know," Magnus spoke softly. "It's only gonna make you hurt more."
"But I don't even know what I'm feeling. It hurts, but it doesn't feel like pain. It's more of a state of confusion I can't get rid of, so can't we just ignore it?" Alec asked.
Magnus sighed deeply. He placed a kiss on Alec' cheek. "I'm probably going to regret this, but no, we cannot ignore your problems."
"Why?"
"Because I say so," Magnus stated with a determined look crossing his face.
"That's the worst reason ever," Alec whined. "I hate that reason."
"Do it for me," Magnus begged.
Alec gave him a strangled whine and a desperate look, but Magnus didn't cave. He stood his ground until Alec sighed and rolled his baby blue eyes ever so dramatically. "Fine, let's play therapist and patient, but this better end in one of us getting naked."
"Ah, why Alexander…" Magnus said and leaned down to place a gentle, enticing kiss on Alec's lips. "I'd be disappointed if it didn't." Magnus pushed Alec off his lap and dragged him from the couch. Alec groaned and followed Magnus upstairs while spewing numerous complaints.
"Lay down," Magnus ordered and pushed Alec on his comfy bed. The blue eyed boy fell on his back with considerable ease.
"I didn't realize the getting naked part would come first," Alec retorted.
"Hush, we're doing this properly," Magnus said and dragged his beloved armchair up to the bed. He sat down in a fluid movement and grabbed a pen and a Cosmo magazine from his bedside table. He took a deep breath and exhaled. "Alright Mr. Lightwood. Let's figure out why you're fucked up."
Alec shot Magnus a dirty look, but complied and stayed on the bed, shifting to put his hands behind his head.
"Alright, first question. How do you feel right now?" Magnus inquired, holding his pen ready to take notes.
"I feel stupid," Alec said.
"You promised," Magnus whined. "You promised to do this properly."
"I am doing this properly!" Alec exclaimed. "I do feel stupid."
"Huh?"
"I feel stupid for not thinking that this would be such a big deal to Iz," Alec continued, lowering his voice. "She's my sister and she's really mad at me. How do you think I feel? I feel stupid and crappy."
"Aha," Magnus mused and pretended to write something down on Jennifer Lawrance's airbrushed face. "So you're more worried about your sister being mad at you than her outing you?"
Alec thought about it for a while and swallowed. "Yeah, I think so."
"So what's the worst case scenario you can think of?" Magnus asked.
"I think it just happened. I mean, I'd always imagined my worst case scenario being my parents finding out I'm gay, but Izzy finding out like this felt a hundred times worse than I'd ever imagined."
"You really care about your sister, don't you?"
"Of course I do. We're not as close as we used to be when we were younger, but there's always that invisible bond between us. I should have been able to trust her, but I didn't. So I guess I see why she's hurt. Hopefully Lydia can do some damage control…Ah Magnus, I've made such a mess of things."
"There, there," Magnus comforted Alec. He discarded his pen and Cosmo to join Alec on the bed. He crawled next to his still form and pressed his forehead against his. "Things have a way of working out."
"Please, that's a little thick," Alec sighed.
"Yes, well you didn't let me finish," Magnus spoke, "And if they don't you'll always have me and a bottle of bourbon to drown your worries into."
"I'm pretty sure that's not something a therapist should say," Alec whispered and stared at Magnus. He didn't reply for a while, he was too busy gazing into Alec's icy eyes. He wanted to make them melt.
"Yeah, well this might come as a surprise but I'm not actually a therapist. I'm your boyfriend."
Isabelle's point of view
"Stop following me around blondie," Isabelle exclaimed. "Stop following me or I'll throw my very expensive purse at you, and I would not want to do that."
Lydia followed her anyway. She kept with Izzy's pace and didn't say a word as they trudged to the bus stop. Only when they stopped and stood in the moist, dark, night air did she open her mouth. "So that was all a tad too dramatic for my taste."
"Luckily no one asked for your opinion," Isabelle huffed.
"Right," Lydia nodded and pulled her jacket closer to her frame. Isabelle watched her out of control blond hair flail in the wind that had picked up during their argument, as if it was mirroring their feelings. The girl's gray eyes studied Isabelle with critical concentration. They were like looming thunder clouds waiting to release lightning and rain.
"Just say what you've got to say and leave me alone," Isabelle sighed and tucked her long hair into her scarf. "And stop looking so judgy, it'll give you wrinkles."
Lydia laughed, the sound of her laugh was light, and like wind chimes in a city surrounding it seemed out of place. "I was trying to figure out if it's Alec being gay or him not telling you about it that's got your knickers in a bunch."
Izzy gasped and gawked at Lydia for a good minute before regaining her composure. She wasn't used to people being so blunt with her, especially people she'd just met. "Listen, you have no idea what's going on so don't judge me."
"I'm not judging you; I'm trying to figure out what's going on. Because to me you just seemed really selfish and childish back there with you brother and Magnus, and I'm hoping you're a decent person and actually have a reason for acting the way you did." Lydia cocked her head to the side, indicating she was waiting for an answer.
"Look…I don't have a problem with Alec liking…men. Really, I like men myself so I can understand the attraction. But he lied to me for years. How am I just supposed to let that go?" Izzy crossed her arms and rolled her shoulders, trying to shake off the uncomfortable feeling crippling her body. She didn't like being mad at Alec, but she felt betrayed.
"I don't think he meant to hurt you," Lydia stated. Her expression turned a bit softer as she approached her. "I think he's probably been really confused. This is his first relationship and this is his first time being in love. It can be really confusing, he probably hasn't had the time think about how you might feel. He was most likely worried how you'd react to the news and not about you being upset for not knowing."
Isabelle bit her lip, hesitating. "He's in love?"
"Yeah, I mean it's pretty clear to see," Lydia said.
"I didn't realize," Izzy muttered and looked down at her shoes. "I thought… I don't know what I thought."
"That's okay…I think. You can still fix this," Lydia offered. "Maybe call and apologize?"
A chill creeped up Isabelle's spine. She shook her head, muttering under her breath. She didn't feel like apologizing. She still felt mad, which would make for a horrible apology. She wanted to make sure it would be heartfelt and honest. Plus she knew she'd been pretty horrible, she got very horrible when she was angry. Alec probably wasn't in the most forgiving mood right now. "I think it'd be better if I talked to him tomorrow."
"Yeah, maybe wait till the dust settles," Lydia said encouragingly. "You just need to remember that there are a lot of factors to take into consideration here."
"I guess," Izzy mumbled. She was yanked out of her thoughts as the bus curbed to the bus stop. The door made a whoosh sound as it slid open. Isabelle climbed into the warm haven and stomped all the way to the back and sat next to the window. Lydia accompanied her without a word. Isabelle was tired; tired of fighting, of thinking and just generally tired. Her brother was in love and she'd made it all about her. Talk about selfish. A part of her always probably knew about Alec, but most of her had a hard time imagining mom and dad's favorite being gay. She definitely didn't want to be home when they found out. They'd probably look right past the fact that Alec was happy and in love and concentrate on the negative, just like she had. "God, I am an idiot."
"Um, I'm not disagreeing, but would you like to be more specific?" Lydia said; her gray eyes wide with interest.
"My own brother is in love, and I didn't even notice," Izzy stated. "That makes me a pretty lousy sister."
Lydia sighed and let her head fall against the headrest of her seat. "Look, it's complicated. Love is hard to spot sometimes. Especially if you don't know you're looking for it."
"Yeah, but I live with him. I've known him forever. I should have noticed. And the worst part is I just completely went off at him for…well it seemed like a good reason then, but now it just seems stupid."
"Yeah, you owe him an apology, but there's no use in beating yourself up about it. You guys will make up, you're siblings."
"Yeah, it's not our first fight, believe it or not," Isabelle laughed. "There was this one time I borrowed his only decent T-shirt. It was some band shirt and I never returned it to him. He got super mad, because he'd gotten it from his friend in school or something, but it blew up into a whole week of the silent treatment."
"That sounds serious," Lydia laughed, her voice coated with mock worry.
"Yeah," Izzy agreed. "It was pretty pointless."
"But you'll patch things up. I'm sure of it," Lydia assured her.
"Thanks. I appreciate that," Isabelle said and actually found herself warming up to the intrusive but interesting girl sitting next to her.
"No problem. Damage control is my speciality. It's all my parents' fault really. They made me this way. I just can't help but getting involved," Lydia joked.
Izzy laughed lightly. "When I get over this feeling, I'm sure I'll be really happy for him. He's in love. That's what everyone wants, including me."
"It's a tricky thing to find," Lydia said. "If I hadn't seen it with my bare eyes I wouldn't believe it exists."
"Tell me about it. I've always wanted the fairy-tale kind of love, but it turns out I'm not that kind of girl. I don't think I'll ever fall in love."
"Huh? That's a bit cynical don't you think?" Lydia laughed.
Izzy gave her a composed look as something very vulnerable gathered in her eyes. "I have a hard time believing there's love out there for me…the kind I want anyway. I attract guys who want to have sex and…that's pretty much it."
"I'm sure that's not true," Lydia tried. "I mean, I can totally see why they'd want to get in bed with you…"
"Thank you," Isabelle interjected.
"Yeah, no problem, you totally look like a bombshell, but I'm convinced there's someone out there for you. There has to be."
"Sure, but what if my one true love is currently a seven-year-old in Antarctica," Isabelle sighed and slumped in her seat.
"Um, unless you're planning on hooking up with a penguin, I'm pretty sure that's not the case," Lydia said, a smile tugging at her lips. "But you could start looking for something you wouldn't normally go for. It might broaden your horizons. And maybe even pay off."
"Oh yeah, I'll just go talk to all the math nerds, I don't even understand half of the things they say," Isabelle said sarcastically.
"Okay, well try something a little less drastic. Do you know anyone who you could potentially find attractive physically and mentally?" Lydia grabbed a piece of paper from her bad and scribbled something on it.
"What is that?"
"It's gonna be your requirement list," Lydia said. "It'll list all the things you're looking in a man. So then you can use it as a check list."
"Oh yay, this is brilliant," Izzy laughed. "Let's start…hmm…do I know anyone…um…that would be a nope."
"Okay, well let's start with personality traits. What do you find attractive?"
Izzy pursed her lips and thought about Lydia's question. "Uh, a sense of humor is important."
"Yeah, and what else?" Lydia looked up from the paper with expectant eyes. "You must like something else too."
"Well I guess I'd like if they were easy to talk to and nice, like generally nice, not too nice, there's a fine line between the two. And then I'd like someone who can make me feel…important and loved."
"That's good," Lydia said and made another column on the paper. "Okay, now looks. What kind of guys do you find attractive looks wise?"
"Tall," Izzy spat out instantly. "Well, taller than me anyway."
"Okay so I'll mark that as a 'must have' quality," Lydia laughed.
"And I like dark hair, blond is okay, but it reminds me of one of my obnoxious friends too much," Izzy said, "But I don't really have a specific favorite eye color, but I do like glasses. Fashionable glasses of course."
Lydia grinned as she wrote the words down. "Okay now how about physique? Are there any other requirements than tall?"
"I don't know," Izzy said and rolled her eyes. "I guess abs would be nice…or does that sound too superficial?"
"Yes, but let's add it anyway. We can't lie to the list. The list knows," Lydia said and wrote 'ABS' down in capital letters."
"If the list already knows then what's the point of writing it?" Izzy asked.
"Well, the list knows, but do you know?" Lydia questioned. She held up the piece of paper that was now full of scribbles and handed it over to Isabelle. "Take good care of it. It just might help you find the man of your dreams."
"Yeah," Izzy laughed, "You know what else might help me find my man of my dreams?"
"What?"
"Going to sleep, which is exactly what I'm gonna do when I get home," Izzy sighed and rested her head against the cold glass window. "Then I'll let Mr. Right take me away."
AN: Okay guys! Thanks so much for reading! What did you think? Leave a review and make me the happiest ff writer of the day :D Also let me know who Izzy's MR. Right should be XD
Love Always - Alexandra
PS. If anyone is interested in being the Beta for this story please PM me!
