crapshak50: Thanks, I felt like it was only natural to try to have her replace the tears somehow, especially since she'd been hooked on them for so long and was so hesitant to let them go. She's got a ways to go yet but she's going to find a few unexpected helps. She's healing old cuts but getting some new ones at the same time.
He does try to keep his cool. But it doesn't always work, even Sokka has his limit and Azula pushes those sometimes. But most of the time he'll settle for a few snarky remarks. Azula's also learning, I see her as a very patient person unless she's in an unstable mood. But like Sokka, she has her limits and if enough buttons are pushed or the wrong buttons are pushed, she'll go off.
He will go to some pretty great lengths to keep her from succumbing to the worst of herself. She kind of needs that boldness. And yeah they definitely have more of a spark going now, whether they realize it or not.
xP Thanks. Once again, I love writing Toph because we have the same sense of assholey humor.
blueandie: I feel like withdrawal and such there are going to be highs and lows. Like I can't imagine that it would be straight up miserable all the time (but I could be wrong lmao). I think the universe would cut her some breaks every now and again. Not gonna lie, I draw from experience with the tossing and turning thing. Like I'm really bad at sleeping. Their small scuffle was darkly fun to write. She was definitely getting desperate. She was about to start the Avatar world version of the cinnamon challenge.
He often finds himself being the brunt of the joke. But its good hearted humor.
FireAndIce123: Oh they will. Trust me, they will switch eventually. As for Azula getting clean, we'll see. ;P
Azula stood with a new satchel between her trembling fingers. She could hear it so clearly, a cluster of voice all repeating the same thing, "ruby whore…ruby whore…ruby whore." She dumped the powder over her dresser. "Ruby whore." And she stared at it longingly, trying to decide if she really wanted to take them. "Ruby whore." She did, she really did want to take them. Perhaps not truly, but the need was still there. She closed her eyes, she had to take them. "Ruby whore…" it was a soft singular whisper. She stooped down and sniffed the tears. She was overcome by all of the sensations she had grown to covet. The light and pleasant tingle, the smell, the initial kick before the real trip began. She loved it.
She loved it so very much.
And she hated herself for it.
She lie on her bed and waited for her soul to leave her body. For it to drift away into a world with colors she's never seen before and scents that probably didn't really exist. She was meant to be there. In a world where she wasn't concerned with the daily strife that assaulted her mind. In a world where she had no physical from to nit-pick and despise. She stared at the ceiling which buzzed and pulsated with a celestial sort of soothing white noise. She had missed it so much. She smiled to herself, a lopsided, sloppy sort of smile. A light dusting of warm snow was falling from nowhere and within minutes she was sprinkled with a soft blanket of it. The snow clung to her lashes and tasted like rich sugar on her lips. She'd never seen snow before. Azula could feel herself drifting away again, pleasantly and lighter than the air, like a languid flying paper lantern—the kind used so often at festivals. And then she was drifting in a sea of them and their warm light. She reached out with spectral fingers and snatched one, holding it close to her body. She bunched her body up around it so to see its glow better. It was her light, she needed light so much. She pushed it closer to herself and it merged into her body, leaving a soft orange glow in her belly. After some time, the lantern shifted until it came to a halt in her chest. That's where it remained luminating in flickers to the beat of her heart. A heart that endured so much abuse it was a wonder that it still beat at all. She needed that light there, and the tears had provided. But just as readily as they gave, the tears claimed. Minutes…maybe hours later, the light dimmed. And then dimmed some more until it flickered out entirely, leaving her colder and hollower than before.
Colder and hollower and with a dreadful sense of shame.
She could see Sokka looming over her physical body. He wore and expression of repugnance of complete disappointment. She wanted to tell him not to, but her lips wouldn't move. She tried to get up, to reach out but her body was so very heavy, she couldn't lift a finger. Maybe it was because her spirit was still feet away from her body.
But it was crashing and crashing fast. Plummeting with such a horrible speed it might break when it landed.
And break her spirit did.
It plummeted down with such a force that the sensation followed her into wakefulness.
She sat up feeling nauseous and queasy, her stomach lolling and churning. She could smell hot tea, but she didn't dare move, lest she really send her delicate stomach reeling. With a few unshed tears prickling behind her eyes she turned her face to peer out the window. Sokka had the curtains pulled back so she could see the first rays of morning tracing across the palace garden. She rubbed her eyes, the dream had been so vivid. It both awoke her longing tenfold and warned her away. She tried to sit up but her stomach lurched. Her face was uncomfortably hot. Sokka came to sit on the bed, placing a hand over her forehead. "I'm going to go get Katara." She had zero qualms about that and watched him slip out of the room. Her discomfort grew as she began to wake in full and take notice of things like her hair plastering to her clammy forehead and the way her robe had hitched up and bunched itself in an annoying lump at the base of her spine. But the moment she went to move it, her stomach recoiled and emptied. Sokka and Katara came back to find her hunched over and suppressing another round. Sokka made a move to lift her, but she held up her hand and keeled over again. He took the hint and fetched her a few rags and the trash can just in case. But that time the sensation passed. "Here, lets get you cleaned up." He and Katara helped her to her feet.
"Try adding peppermint to the bath." Katara instructed. "That's how Gran always helped me when I was feeling queasy."
Sokka nodded. Azula herself wasn't to fond of peppermint, the scent was much too potent for her, but at that point she was willing to try anything. "Is she going to be okay?"
Katara nodded, "it's just a fever, it should be gone in a few days."
Azula was expecting another trip to the springs but instead he led her to the bathroom and sat her on the ledge of the marble bathtub. As he waited for tub to fill he fetched her something to wear, a very simple robe red in color with splashes of pink at the hem. The fragrance of peppermint was beginning to tickle her nose. She put her robe aside and lowered herself into the bath. It took Sokka few minutes to reappear and that had left her with an abundance of time to think. To think and to dwell on her dream. If only she could get her hands on some more tears. She could always send a quick massager hawk to Chan. She missed him, she missed all of them. She missed the reckless fun that distracted her from everything. She missed not being coddled.
Sokka came back with a few bars of soap and some shampoo bottles, the ones they had left in the springs. He first patted at the corners of her mouth with the soap, with a warning to keep her lips pressed together. As if she hadn't already put two and two together, but the soap against her mouth kept her from vocalizing her annoyance. His fingers massaging her head with shampoo was also distracting enough to keep her from snapping. Eventually the need faded altogether. Despite not wanting to be overprotected, Sokka was always so gentle with her and she didn't want to lose that.
"Still feel sick?" He asked.
Azula nodded. "A little." She clutched her stomach. "A lot…" She dreaded moving, but she had to leave the bath eventually. Carefully and slowly she rose and dried herself and then pulled the robe on. She headed back down the hall with Sokka lingering behind.
The odor of tea was stronger than ever when she re-entered her bedroom. "I had Iroh brew you a fresh cup." Katara smiled. "Here." She held out the glass.
Azula took it and sat herself down. If she had her tears she could make all of this go away. Instead she had a cup of tea and Sokka rubbing tender circles on her tummy until the queasiness finally eased up some. She didn't know if she liked that or not.
She waited until he had left the room to fetch her some soup, to pen a letter to Chan.
Azula didn't get a response until later into the following week. Her cravings weren't growing any sparser. In fact, they seemed to be getting worse she tried more ways to dull them but none of her antics seemed to be working. That made it so much easier to snatch Chan's reply. She half expected him to chide her for only reaching out to him to get her fix. But he didn't he seemed quite thrilled to hear from her again. This left her with a distinct reminder that she hadn't told him that she was trying to come off of the tears. She was lying again, something that always came so easily to her. She almost felt bad for it but she needed her tears and he would have never given them to her if he knew that she'd been away from them for so long. No, he was probably under the impression that she had simply run out of her stash and needed a re-fill. She'd let him keep that thought.
She opened the teeny satchel and gazed feverishly at the powder within.
Ruby Whore.
.oOo.
Just when Sokka thought that he'd seen every surprise the princess had in store for him, she gave him a new one. This one came in the form of watching her dump a brand sparkling new supply of Ruby Tears onto her dresser. It was wonderful, just wonderful—he was already having a bad day being as the anniversary of Suki's death was approaching. "Azula!" Was all he managed. But it was loud enough to arouse a flinch and attain her attention.
She held one hand over her face. Shaking her head, she muttered a soft apology.
"Don't apologize to me." He tried to keep his voice level. "You haven't taken them yet. Have you?"
"No, not yet." She muttered. "But I'm going to, I have to."
"You don't have to." He insisted.
"I dream about them sometimes…" She trailed off. As if that explained anything to him. His cheeks were growing hot, his stomach boiling with pent up rage. He couldn't stop thinking about Suki, he'd already snapped at Katara (earning himself a verbal brawl with Zuko), and now he was going to watch Azula destroy herself…again. He couldn't understand how she could be so…so…selfish? No that wasn't it, pathetic was the word that came to mind. He shoved it away, not knowing where it had come from.
"Don't you dare." He growled when he noticed her turn back to the tears.
"I have to." She repeated again. "You don't understand."
"You're right, I don't understand!" He threw his hands in the air. "We, me and Katara. Have been—no, me, Katra, Zuko, Aang, and Toph have been doing so much for you and it's still not good enough?"
"That's not true." Her voice was dangerously low. Or, being in the mood he was, he thought it was. If he hadn't been so provoked he would have distinguished that it was more of a somber low. "I just…" She ran a finger through the trail of tears.
"You just don't care how hard the rest of us try to care about you."
"I said that I was a hard person to care about." She replied. Sokka knew before she finished, that he had just pushed her closer to inhaling the powder. "The tears help me forget about that."
"Yeah well we're trying anyways so you can burn up your new stash and get over here."
She shook her head.
"I thought you were stronger than that!" He challenged. He didn't mean it to be patronizing, he meant it affectionately…motivationally but his delivery was so painfully off that he wasn't surprised when the fire flared behind her eyes. The harder he tried to reconcile and backtrack the deeper he dug himself. And Azula was too close to the hole, he was pulling her in with him. She was so close to the tears, all she had to do was take one deep breath and then everything would be for nothing.
It was over before Sokka could comprehend any of it. He didn't even realize what he'd done until he met her eyes. The shock was plastered so plainly on her face. He didn't mean to be so forceful, he just wanted to keep her from ruining everything she'd worked for.
The bolt of lightning she sent in his direction was expected and deserved. He hadn't seen her snarl so viciously in a long time. Another bought of fire had him scrambling to her dresser. He had already done the damage, she couldn't possibly be anymore furious at him. With nothing else to lose he soiled the powder on her dresser and snatched the pouch containing the rest of it. He could hear her screech his name as he stole her means of escapism as he bolted.
.oOo.
She had cried in sorrow. She had cried in frustration. She had cried in pain and in helpleness. And in defeat. She had even cried in confusion before. But never until then, did Azula cry in completed and unabashed fury. He had never touched her before, not in anger. And then he had the gull to take her Ruby Tears. She screamed at no one in particular.
She screamed again.
Once more.
It felt good.
Almost as good as tearing the sheets from her bed, almost as good as throwing each and every pillow. One knocked a few glasses and vases from her nightstand.
She didn't have her tears, she didn't have her cactus juice nor her kiseru, and she didn't have Sokka—the thought of him had her mind whirring in shades of red—she didn't have anything to ground her. She didn't have anything to keep her from overturning her night stand altogether. Nor from hurling flashes of lightning at the wall. She shrieked again, this time it brought stings to her throat. That time she couldn't place what it was that she flung across the room, she didn't care. She wanted to hurt someone or something. The only person in the room for Azula to hurt was the princess herself. Her door was thrown open before she could get any further.
Zuko and Katara and trailing behind them were Toph and Aang. She glowered at them with a feral, menacing gleam in her eyes.
They might have grown used to her, might have begun to see her as a human being. But Agni, was she giving them a potent reminder that they were still dealing with a monster. And this monster had been cornered.
Fire crackled over her finger tips and she would have chucked it at them if Katara hadn't encased her hands in ice. She melted it away and tossed her fire. Aang dispersed it with a swirl of air so she sent him another. With her focus mostly on Aang, she almost didn't see Zuko coming. But he didn't come with an attack, instead he held her close as she beat her hands against him. She could have used fire, that would have had him gone. But she didn't want to, he hadn't done anything to her…
He stroked her hair, just like when they were kids. Just like he did after Ozai had found the mess they'd made and raged at them. He brushed his hand over her head until her breathing grew steady again. "I'm going to kill him, I swear Zu-Zu, I'm going to do it."
"Yeah, Sokka is pretty irritating." Toph agreed.
.oOo.
Sokka hid his head in his knees and covered his ears, but he could still hear her distress and her angry howls. And it was his fault. It was all his fault. The scene unfolded over and over in his mind. His hand snaking around her middle and tossing her onto the bed with a roughness he didn't intend. The rush of air as it left her lungs for a moment. The stunned daze that she looked up at him with before completely losing it.
All he wanted to do was protect her from herself. Maybe she needed protection from him. He grumbled to himself. That was nonsense, she didn't need protection from him, she made that pretty clear. She could have taken him down easily and he would have let her, he almost wanted her to. But she definitely needed protection from herself. She may not be a danger to anyone else, but the damage she could do herself…
He eyed the pouch in his hands with much hatred. To think that the dust, a few tiny particles, could have such a hold on a person. Could ruin many lives in one streak.
If he could find her supplier…
He slapped his own cheek. He wanted to go back and apologize to her but he was afraid of what she'd do to him. More than that, he was afraid of what his appearance would do to her. So he sat alone in the dark and listened to the murmured words of his friends as they tried to comfort her.
He wanted them to comfort him.
They were supposed to be his friends. Still, the better part of him was glad that they were accepting and supporting the princess. He just wished that one of them would check on him.
He was so alone.
He missed Suki more than ever.
