Chapter 28

Penny

Well, that didn't work out quite as planned. We went to Hampshire to see if Simon was hiding out in a dead spot and it looks like he was, or someone was, and Baz is convinced it was Simon so I'm inclined to believe him, he does have those vampire heightened senses. All I know is that someone who eats the same food as Simon was there, so it's highly likely.

And he's gone anyway, Simon left.

Maybe Baz has been right all along, maybe Simon doesn't want to be found. Maybe we're wasting our time looking for someone who doesn't want anything to do with our world anymore, who doesn't want anything to do with us. I can't stand thinking like this but maybe I need to face the awful truth of the situation; that Simon may not want to come back, ever.

Baz was even more a wreck when we got back than he was before we came up with this plan. When he dropped me at my flat I was worried that he would go straight back to the morose state he's been in all along and go home to listen to more Nick Cave. Merlin!

"I'll come by tomorrow." I tell him as I get out of the car. Baz doesn't say anything.

I left the list of dead spots at Baz's house. I want to take another look at it but I can't go back to Baz's now, I'm too tired, so I decide to ring dad and ask for another copy.

"I'll email it to you now." Dad says after we've talked for a bit. I fill him in on the Hampshire dead spot we just visited. He's interested to know how it felt, if it still felt the same, if it was still as big as before. It did and it is I told him. "Oh and your mother wants to speak to you." He puts mum on the phone.

"Hi Mum" I say. I hope this is going to be quick. I'm really tired from being in the dead spot all day. I didn't realise how draining it would be.

"Penny, I've been thinking . . ." She starts.

"About what?" I ask, not really interested. I don't have the energy for a conversation with mum right now.

"About the woman in the photo–" She says. And that reminds me, I haven't told her about Baz's conversation with his dad. I didn't tell Agatha either, but I'll save that for another day. Honestly I feel like I'm relaying information all over the place at the moment, it's exhausting.

I cut her off. "She's dead mum." I tell her. "Not the woman in the photo, Simon's mum. And I suppose the woman in the photo, if they are the same person. And we think they are . . ." I'm rambling on, I must be tired.

"What!"

"We think she's dead. And that she was a mage." I say.

"How do you know all that?" she demands. I'm tired but I tell her about what Baz's dad said. How he thinks that it was Simon's mum and not Baz's mum who came through the Veil that second time. Mum already heard all this at the trial, but ignored it like everyone else, focusing instead on Nicodemus.

"She called him her Rosebud boy, and called him Simon. It's seems so obvious now. Baz can't believe he didn't realise it at the time." I say.

"Oh Merlin." Is all mum says for a while. "That does make sense. I can't believe we all missed it."

"I know mum. Look, I'm actually really tired. I need to have a bit of rest."

"Okay Penny . . ." mum says. But she sounds like she still has something to say.

"What is it now mum?" I snap. I don't mean to, I'm just tired.

She hesitates for a moment before she speaks. "Nothing Pen." She says slowly. "I'll talk to you later, when you're more rested."

Dad emails the list of dead spots but I'm too tired to look at it. I Skype Micah instead, filling him in on our visit to Hampshire and how we may or may not have found where Simon's been living. Micah's quite impressed with Simon's ingenuity.

"That's rather resourceful of Simon to think to go there." He says approvingly.

"I know but don't go saying that to Baz, he's quite distraught about it all." I say. "Honestly Micah, I'm beginning to think he doesn't want to be found."

"Well I think the opposite." Micah says. "If he didn't want anything to do with all of you then he wouldn't have gone to his boyfriend's family's house. There are plenty of other places to hide in England Penny."

I think about this. And then I think Micah is right, of course Simon still wants to be found, he went to Baz's house for Morgana's sake.

"You know, I think you're right Micah." And I'm so fired up that I start looking through the list of dead spots as soon as we finish our call. Looking for all the possible places he could be.

Baz

Bunce turns up the next day, as promised.

"We need to keep looking through the dead spots." She insists. She's relentless when she sets her mind to something.

We go through the list again, this time looking at the magickal houses. Penny's father gave her a list of all the magickal houses that have remained empty, that the mages haven't sold off to Normals. He has access to a lot of information because he's been researching the dead spots for so long. All of the mages were happy to hand over the details (and sometimes the keys) to their properties in the hope that he would find a solution and bring the magic back to their homes.

It is possible that Simon could know about some of these so we focus on the ones that have remained empty, like Hampshire. And he visited a few spots with Professor Bunce so we focus on those first.

We start with London, making our way through each and every one. Then we widen the search, ever widening the net. We don't find any sign of Simon but this time I don't give up. He was in Hampshire, I'm sure of it, so he has to be somewhere.

And he's alone, and hurting. We have to find him.

I hunt, I go to classes, I eat. I stay focused

Simon

I hate this place, I hate everything about it but I don't have anywhere else to go. I messed up in Hampshire and my money won't last forever so I'm stuck here. I close off the two bedrooms and pretend they're not there. I don't go outside. I don't do anything.

When I first arrived I lay on the couch and went straight to sleep. I slept all day and woke when it was nearly dark. I headed to a supermarket before they closed, to get some food. Not much, just the basics. There's no power here, or water so I don't know how long I can stay. I bought only food I could eat without heating and I had to buy water and no tea. Then I came back and crashed on the couch again. I closed my eyes and turn my back against the writing on the walls. I don't move for days.

It feels like it's been raining for ever so I'm surprised when I wake up and the sun is shining into the small room. I walk outside and the ground is dry. Maybe the rain has been in my head. It feels like it's been raining for weeks, pulling me down. My head feels full of cotton wool, everything feels fuzzy and I can't stand the brightness so I go back inside. I lay on the small couch with my back to the walls day and night. I don't want to see the writing on the walls any more.

My nightmares are back. Now it's only the Mage and he's talking to me, at me. I hear all the words he said to me over the years, all the lies and this time I hear what he's really saying. You're not good enough, you're broken, I got you wrong, we didn't want you.

I don't look at the photo or the blocks anymore, I hate them too. They are just a reminder of a life I never had, a life that I wasn't good enough for, that I didn't deserve. I don't take them out of my bag. I don't even bother to change my clothes. I can't remember when I last had a shower. What's the point?