AN: It should be said that I wouldn't have gotten this done without my one Beta, Stilldormant. I've been ill and struggled with just about everything in this. Stilldormant practically dragged me through. So, thank you. This wasn't supposed to be your job, but thank you.

Chapter 28

She managed to catch up with Jack, because in the life she had before, Abby had been quite fast. And, despite her precarious balance, she pushed to meet Jack, if only to follow her. She knew that the convict's attempt to reach the Normandy was futile. If the Normandy was already leaving, there was no way she would make it in time.

What's going on? Abby thought as she reached the docking bay a step behind Jack. Jane? Is she in trouble?

The question didn't feel that important to her, because she knew that it was other people's problem and concerns. Hers was more immediate.

What am I going to do with Jack?!

The biotic was clearly in distress, angry and too late, as Abby had anticipated. They didn't even see the Normandy depart, the tube was simply empty. Jack ran to the door, banged on it once and then turned around like an enraged animal.

"NO!" she yelled. "FUCK!"

She made to bolt out of the docking tube, but Abby, driven by instinct, reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Jack!" she managed, trying to get her attention. "Jack, calm down…" The petite woman screamed and pushed her away, violently. Abby couldn't keep her balance and fell down. She tried to get up immediately, but her legs felt tangled for a second and all she could do was stare up at an infuriated Jack. The biotic was breathing heavily, her face fierce and angry as she turned around. At first Abby thought that she was going to run, but Jack turned slammed her fist against the wall with another cry of frustration. The vet flinched at the sound then pushed herself up quickly, grabbing a hold of Jack's wrist before she dared to hit the wall again.

"Jack, you're going to hurt yourself," Abby said quickly. "Please Jack, it's okay…"

The woman turned away from her again and for a moment Abby thought she was going to strike her. "It's not okay!" Jack yelled. "They left me! They left me here! And you might not fucking care to be on the Normandy, but I do!" Her mouth opened as if she wanted to scream again, but this time no sound came.

Breathing heavily, Abby reached out to lay hand on Jack's shoulder, but stopped. "Jack, I…" She struggled for a moment, feeling as if she was falling into Jack's accusation. "Jack, I don't think they would've done this without reason. Please, calm down. Let me see that message." She tried to speak softly and reached out to to the biotic, giving her the opportunity to choose when she was ready for Abby's touch, but the younger woman drew back, her finger pointing at Abby accusingly.

"You ALL have a good reason for leaving!" she shouted. "All of you! But what you don't realise is that you leave me behind!"

Feeling her anger, and the frustration that lay behind it, Abby could simply look at Jack for a moment. She didn't want to respond in the wrong way, because she knew what she said now was going to be very important. She felt afraid briefly, so scared and worried that she might make a mistake. She had felt that a lot when she had just started operating, when she had begun to realise that, regardless of whether her patients were animals, they were still people's loved ones. It was that fear that still made her cautious and eventually had driven her to stop operating when she realised that her motor functions where going.

"Knowing Jane's mum, they probably didn't have a choice," Abby said softly. "Jack, they wouldn't leave you behind on purpose." The ex-convict had started pacing, but turned to her again, anger making her eyes almost completely white.

"Why not?!" she shouted. "You did. You just fucked off with no reasonable excuse. And then Jane fucked off. And now the fucking Normandy's fucked off." Jack bared her teeth, but her features turned with pain of betrayal. "I should've gone with her. I should've. But she didn't let me. She didn't want me to."

Abby stood, frozen where she was, her heart pounding with Jack's accusation. It's not just the Normandy. It's a cascade of events… starting with me.

"Jack, I had a good reason for leaving," she said and tried to keep her voice level. "I had to leave. We… we talked about this." But she wasn't really listening then either.

"Talked about it?!" Jack snapped. "It wasn't a fucking dialogue! You just decided to go! You didn't even discuss it with me! I had to hear from Shepard! You didn't even have the fucking decency to tell it to my face!"

And that was one of Abby's deepest regrets. She had told Jane that she was going, because it felt right to tell Shepard first. Because, in a strange way, she had needed the commander's permission. Not that Jane had given it to her, but there had been… a blessing. Of sorts. A realisation that the people with her had lives beyond the Normandy.

"I should've," Abby said and felt her throat tighten. "I know that, Jack. I should've. I didn't think that Jane would tell you guys so quickly and… and I hesitated to tell you because…" Why? "Because I am a coward. Because I knew it would've been very hard. And I didn't know how. I'm sorry, Jack." She reached out and put a trembling hand on Jack's bare arm. "Jack, I am sorry that I hurt you. I am so very sorry."

The biotic tried to pull away from her, but this time Abby increased her grip, holding on as tightly as she could.

"What the fuck does that help?!" Jack snapped. "Saying you're fucking sorry isn't going to change anything! It's not going to bring the Normandy back! Let me go!"

She pulled against Abby again, but the vet put another hand over Jack's tattooed arm. "Jack, saying sorry isn't supposed to change the past," she said quickly. "It's not supposed to rewrite history. It's supposed to show that we've learned from our mistakes. I've seen how much I hurt you. I won't do it again."

Jack pulled against her grip. "Of course you wont, I won't give you the fucking chance," she yelled. "I won't give any of you that chance again! Not you. Not them. Fuck the lot of you! I'm done with all of this!" She yanked her arm away, or tried to. Abby nearly lost her balance this time, but held on because she knew that if Jack managed to get away now, both she and the Normandy would lose her forever.

Jane will never forgive me.

"Jack, look at me," Abby pleaded as she put all of her mental effort into keeping her grip on Jack's arm. She knew that she must've been hurting the biotic, but anything less would've meant that Jack would be able to escape. "Jack, you can't run from this. I won't let you. I've made mistakes in our friendship, but this will not be one of them. Stop fighting me."

Jack's other hand came up, balled in a fist. "If you don't let me go, Doc, I will smash your brains in," the ex-convict growled. "I am done with you. You are not my friend! You are nothing to me!"

Abby ignored the threat. "And I told you that I think you're lying to yourself," she said. "You came to my clinic today, Jack. Nobody forced you. I know that I still consider you as a friend. And heaven help me, I never want to see you come to harm again. If letting go of you could prevent that from happening, then I would. But it's not going to and if you leave here, you'll get hurt."

Jack yanked against her again, very forcefully this time. "I can take care of my fucking self!" she snapped. "I took care of myself before Shepard! I took care of myself before you! Nobody fucked with me! And I will show you why if you don't let me go!" Her voice nearly broke.

Nearly.

"And that's how you ended up on the Purgatory?" Abby asked, utilising her previous knowledge for the first time. "By taking care of yourself? Would you have survived there, if Jane didn't come for you?"

A yell nearly broke in Jack's voice. "I got out without her!" She said. "I got out! I showed them! I fucking showed them all! Let me go!" Her fist balled again and Abby was worried for a moment that the biotic would make good on her threat.

Abby's body jerked and she nearly lost her grip.

"You got out because of Jane," Abby countered. "And you are as scared now as you were then. I know this, Jack. I know it. You fought as hard then to get off the Purgatory, because you were scared of being caught again. Abused. Raped." Jack, I'm sorry. "And that is why you want to run now, because you are scared of being hurt again. By me, by the Normandy. By Jane. Jack, we're not your jailers. We're not your guards."

Blue flames erupted from Jack's closed fist.

"BUT YOU HURT ME MORE THAN THEY DID!" Jack yelled. "ALL OF YOU! YOU HURT ME!" She yanked against Abby, again and again. "Let me go! Let me fucking go or I will kill you, I swear! I will kill you!"

It took Abby a second or two to realise that Jack had finally started crying. The blue flames died, but her efforts to break away didn't, though they lost some of their strength.

"You won't," Abby whispered. "It's going to be okay, Jack. You won't hurt me."

The biotic sank down, pulling Abby with her.

"Why won't you let me go?" Jack whispered harshly. "I'm going to blow your fucking brains out. Why don't you just let me go?" Her efforts to get away from Abby ceased all together though the vet didn't let go of her. Instead, she carefully pulled the petite woman closer, aware of her own tears, of her own trembling.

"Because you're my friend," she said. "And I know you are mine. And I know… I know I'm the first friend you've ever had. And I know… I know you learned the worst of friendship from me. That… That friends aren't perfect. That they are human and they make mistakes. And we trust them to have our backs, but we put our trust in someone who's just as flawed as we are." Jack finally relented and Abby was able to pull her into her lap and wrap her arms around the biotic's trembling body. "And I care about you, Jack. I will never stop caring about you, despite everything you say and shout. Because I care about you. And… And I can teach you that about friendship as well. That friends don't abandon friends, even if it gets tough. Even if there's one hell of a fight ahead. Friends' have each other's backs."

The biotic didn't fight her anymore, but almost pressed herself into Abby's arms, her half naked body shaking with silent sobs. Abby held her as tightly as she could, knowing that Jack was beyond words, beyond reason. She held her like the child she would never have, like the sibling she lost in the world beyond this one.

She held Jack, because the biotic let her.

Because she trusted her to.

Abby didn't know how long they sat there, but when the alarm went off in the tube, signalling that a ship was about to dock. She rubbed the biotic's back and risked pressing a kiss against her head.

"Let's go home, Jack," she said softly. "To my home. We have a spare room. I'll make us a meal." She wrapped her arms around her one last time, worried that she might lose her anyway. "I'll have a look at that message and we can try and contact the Normandy." She paused when she heard no response. "Jack?"

The younger woman sighed.

"Fuck it," she said finally. "Fucking make-up's running." She sniffed and squirmed in Abby's arms, moving her own so that she could wipe at her face. "Do you have a fucking mirror?"

Abby blinked then tired to to smile, hesitantly taking her arm away from Jack's body so that she could wipe at her own face.

"I've got two," she said. "And hot water."

Jack sniffed loudly.

"Fine," she snapped, almost making it sound like a curse. "It's not as if I have anywhere else to fucking go…"


It was only when they were well out of Omega that Captain Hannah Shepard finally relaxed. Chakwas, who had been standing behind her, watched as the woman's shoulders slumped ever so slightly and saw it as a sign that she could finally approach her. She slipped her fingers into the crook of her old friend's elbow and found herself trying to remember where she had met her. It had been before Jane, before Hannah's husband when they were both still so young and only beginning to realise the consequences of signing one's life away to the military. Catherine had remained because she felt she made a difference, but sometimes she got the impression that Hannah stayed because she didn't know anything else.

Much like her daughter.

"Let's have a look at that leg of yours, Hannah," Chakwas murmured softly. "It's still a while till we reach Omega's relay and I doubt Joker's going to turn around now."

Hannah's features were dark as she glanced at her, as if she suspected that Catherine was making a mockery of her. But when she found none of that in the doctor's eyes, she relaxed a little and sighed. She had not moved much since they left, but remained standing in one position, her weight spread slightly to her uninjured side but her back straight and her arm behind her back. In the while that Catherine observed her, she reminded the doctor of images she had of an old sea captain standing at the helm of his ship, bracing for a storm.

What will we find when we travel through the relay? There was no way of knowing, no way of judging. They were going in completely blind, much like Shepard had gone, only they did not have a guide.

But could one really call Kenson a guide? Catherine thought as she watched Hannah test her leg with a grimace. It must've gone stiff in the time that she had stood there and with the woman's adrenaline now filtering out of her system, she was undoubtedly more aware of it.

Can one not say that Kenson was in fact a siren?

Chakwas hoped not, but a part of her feared for what they would find. She had told Jane not to go, she had felt that matters were dangerous from the start.

Hannah was right, I did act too little.

"Catherine," Hannah's voice was very soft. "I'm afraid you're going to have to give this old dog a helping hand." Catherine pulled her thoughts away from her own guilt and smiled kindly at her friend.

"If it promises not to bite me, I'll be more than happy to assist," she said. "Here, put your arm around my shoulder. Or rather, I can go and get a gurney..."

Hannah cut her off. "Over my dead body," she growled good naturedly. "I can walk, it's just gone... stiff. Once circulation gets going, I should be able to manage on my own."

Catherine had to stop herself from smiling, though it brought a bittersweet emotion to her heart. Well, I know where Jane gets it from.

"We'll walk then, the both of us," she said. "It will be no trouble at all."

She guided Hannah down to the CIC, taking note that, what little crew the Normandy had kept after leaving Cerberus were all gathered there, their eyes wide as they regarded the two of them. She did not know if Miranda had briefed them, or if any of them knew where they were going. Kelly's features were particularly tense as she approached them. The yeoman glanced at Hannah, seemed to gather her courage and then turned back to Catherine.

"Doctor," she said. "We left Jack behind. And Tyler and Jones. They're all still on Omega. I tried to contact them when I realised that we were leaving, but..."

Hannah shifted as if she meant to answer, but Catherine stopped her short, lest she upset the girl more. "Send them all messages," she said. "Tell them it's an emergency and we're going to get the commander. They should just sit tight; we're coming back for them. We had to act quickly."

Her words didn't sooth Kelly, who glanced back at her console and grimaced. "It's not going to be good enough for Jack," she whispered. "We should've waited for her." Her eyes turned to Hannah in accusation. "She wasn't even an hour away."

Hannah didn't defend herself, didn't even bother to reply. She simply looked at Kelly until Catherine urged her to move forward again and guided her into the elevator. There, when then door closed, she sagged a bit against the doctor, her eyes closing for a moment.

"She's very scared, that girl," the woman whispered, making Catherine sigh.

"This crew has seen a lot," she said quietly. "And every time we jump through a relay, they are... so much more aware of the dangers out there. They were taken by the collectors. Your daughter saved us, Hannah. Don't think we won't move heaven and earth for her."

Hannah sighed and shifted away from Chakwas for a moment. "I understand that, Catherine," she said quietly. "But you have to understand, I do not see her as you do. I see her..." She trailed off as the door opened and Catherine didn't prompt her to speak again until they were in the privacy of the infirmary. Miranda and Garrus had been near the gallery, having a quick discussion. Catherine saw them together more these days though she doubted it was by choice, rather their communal concern over Shepard and their loyalty that made them seek the other out for discussions.

Or arguments that was usually the case.

Catherine sighed secretly and helped Hannah to the nearest bed, bidding her to lie down.

"You should not doubt your daughter," Catherine said loyally, remembering Hannah's words. "She has done incredible things." She put on gloves before she began to inspect the woman's wound.

It was a gunshot. Catherine had patched up enough of those in her lifetime to know.

"And what the hell had you been up to?"

Hannah flinched when the doctor touched her, but sucked in a deep breath and clenched her teeth. "I went to see Harrison," she said. "With Dr Gable's lover." Her eyes became concerned. "That asari is dangerous."

Don't we know it, Chakwas thought darkly and sighed.

"She's a necessary evil," she pointed out, immediately feeling guilty over her choice of words. "Asura tries very hard and one thing I can say is that she is very loyal to Abby. I'll tell you their story one day, if you're interested."

She could tell that Hannah wasn't particularly, her gaze distant as Catherine inspected the wound. The doctor waited for her to say something, to explain herself, but she didn't. Secretly shaking her head, Chakwas carefully cut away all the cloth around the wound and gave the older Shepard a questioning look.

"Can I give you something for the pain?" She queried, to which Hannah shook her head immediately, her gaze going sharper.

"I want all my faculties present, Catherine," she said sharply. "We're not through the relay yet."

Chakwas smiled politely and took a few moments to organise the bedside so that she would have everything she need to clean and close the wound. "We're not going to turn around the moment you're out," she said. "Joker's got the bit in his mouth now; it's going to take more than a gun to stop him." She hesitated and grimaced. "You are right, we shouldn't have let Jane go on her own. I mean, she can handle herself but..."

She trailed off when Hannah shook her head. "You all see her so differently," she whispered. "Even you, Catherine. It's something I struggle to understand. You've lost perspective." She took a steadying breath when her friend put on a fresh set of gloves. "If you have a local anaesthetic, I won't say no." Catherine gave her a knowing look and drew up a dose, carefully administering it into the wound before she started cleaning it. Hannah didn't look at her, but turned her gaze towards the AI core, her cheeks pale with pain.

"I had an argument with Anderson here," she said tightly. "Years ago."

Catherine paused with what she was doing and blinked at Hannah. "Sorry?" she queried, not quite understanding. The captain seemed to pull herself back and took a steadying breath.

"Not here, I mean," she said quietly. "But on the first Normandy. I don't even think you knew I was on the Citadel then."

Carefully starting to rinse the wound, Catherine didn't look at her friend. "I didn't," she confessed. "When was this?"

Hannah was silent for several moments before she sighed. "Right after Jane was made a Spectre, just before her reassignment as the Normandy's commander. I didn't want that for her, not this early. She wasn't ready." She hesitated. "I told him as much. And I didn't say so quietly. I didn't want her pushed into this position because of some foolish political agenda."

Catherine had to pause a moment to give Hannah a questioning look. "Hannah, I have been in the fleet for a very long time," she said. "And I can tell you, your daughter is one of the best commander's I have ever served under. She's a natural."

Hannah's eyes were surprisingly sad as she looked at her. "She's not a natural, Catherine," She said. "She was raised that way. There was never any doubt in anybody's minds that she was meant to lead. It's not instinct, it's not a gift. Like Elysium, it is the result of years of training, even before she joined the Alliance." Her eyes were sad. "I didn't know how to be a mother, but I knew how to be a commanding officer. It was how I always… always handled her. My mistake yes, but…" She hissed suddenly, then quickly stopped herself. "Sorry."

Catherine shook her head. "Tell me if it's too much," she said quietly. "You don't have to suffer." She paused, thinking about what Hannah had said. "I feel as if… as if you can't see your daughter as we do. And, I know that's the point, I guess, but… I've flown with her through some of the darkest missions I've ever seen. And she handled them perfectly. I know she makes mistakes, but… her having command isn't one."

She worked in silence for a moment, with Hannah's breath short as she tried to control her reaction to what must've been severe discomfort. "Two years have passed for you," Hannah breathed finally. "But have you ever stopped to consider that Jane hasn't even had this command a year? She hasn't been a commander for more than a year. She was given the Saren mission to fight the council's geth…"

"The reapers," Catherine corrected her without thinking, earning a very distinct look from the captain.

"Your reapers," she said, not quite giving in. "And then she's hardly out in the terminus systems for a month before…" She closed her eyes, the pain in them nothing to do with her leg. "Before she, only to be awoken two years later. And in that time she's become this great leader, this commander, the Alliance's pin up girl." Her disgust on the matter was clear. "And yet all the while, you have all forgotten that she is still on her first command, with less than a year's experience under her name." The older Shepard shook her head and finally leaned back a bit, closing her eyes. "She's young, green and has had more years serving as a ship XO than its actual commander. She runs into the fray every chance she gets, like a simple soldier. She does not act like a commander, Catherine. She's just a soldier, more hell bent than any of her team mates to get others out alive, because she believes her title makes her responsible. That is how I see my daughter." She closed her eyes again and there were tears in them, making Catherine wonder suddenly how many times she had truly seen the woman cry. "That is why I fear for her. Because she should not have gone on her own. As the commander of this ship, she should not have gone at all." Hannah Shepard looked away from her, her features in agony. "I don't want to lose my daughter again, Catherine. Not if I have yet to find her."

Chakwas didn't want to show it, but Hannah's words had rattled her because, in a way, the woman was right. She was so right. They called Jane commander, though she hardly acted the part. She was in the fray, with the others. She was needed there, yes, but it was foolish and filled with too much risk.

What happens the day we lose her for real?

She looked at her friend and realised that she was still crying, her leg trembling with pain.

"Hannah," She said softly. "Hannah, I'm going to give you something for the pain. And you can punch me if you want to, but I'm not letting you get away with it. I'll wake you, when we find her."

This time, Hannah didn't protest.


Jane Shepard.

All of her thoughts were now bent towards the woman and Samara used that anchor her, to steer her thoughts, to feed her power. She remembered the first time she saw Jane, the human who dared pull a gun on her for killing an unarmed mercenary. The human woman who had stood up to ancient gods and lived.

The human woman who had captured her heart without warning, who had seen into her soul. Who had loved her, without knowing how wrong it could be. Samara had tried to use the Code to still her mind and clear her thoughts of that same kindly spark of admiration that had grown inside her. That admiration that had turned too easily to respect and then burned out of control, raging into love.

Love that had caught her off guard.

Love that had made the loss of her daughter bearable. It had almost been as if she had sacrificed Morinth to be with Jane. And, it was right.

I love you, Samara had whispered to Jane on their last night together. When she held her, secretly knowing that she was going to leave. That she was going to have to, because she feared that love was going to pull her away from the Code. I will always love you, Jane Shepard. You are the first thing that I think of in the morning and the last I wish to think about at night. No words or deeds could ever be enough to show you what I feel for you.

Samara opened her eyes and wondered if this would be enough. If this act, this moment, would be enough.

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes again and whispered a single word.

"Jane."

It acted like a key. A release.

The power that she had built up inside her body, broke away from her, tearing loose from the threads of her soul and with it, the biotic dampeners that enclosed her wrists. It seared through her bones and she screamed, her body convulsing on its own accord, her power now searing through her restraints as well.

Samara pushed herself up, taking a deep breath. She was oblivious to her body's pain, oblivious to shouts around her, to the alarms blaring overhead. She flowed from the bed and looked at the guards, already storming towards her, their weapons raised.

The asari reached towards them, her power still pulsing around her, and closed her fingers. Biotic flames erupted around them, capturing them, searing them alive. But it wasn't enough. Samara let out the breath that she had taken and opened her hands again.

Jack came to mind, the memory so vivid, she could almost have been in the room with Samara as she demonstrated on a pillow how to tear an object apart on molecular level.

What was done here, is this…

The guards evaporated to a bloody mist, but the doors to her room had already slammed shut. She was alone for the moment, but she could not get out.

It didn't matter to Samara as she turned around and looked at the observation window above her bed. She felt Jane's presence and knew that she was close. As were others. Samara knew that there were still several people that would stand in her way.

"So this is it?"

The justicar turned around and saw Morinth standing beside her, her eyes bright with curiosity. "You will kill all these people to save her?"

Samara smiled. She felt as if she went mad, but she smiled.

"Yes," she said simply. "I slaughtered a whole village because of my daughter. Why should I let you stop me from doing the same for Jane?"

The phantom didn't answer her, but simply disappeared. Samara forgot about it, about the torment it had put her through and focused simply on a singular thought as she prepared herself to break the glass.

I will get Jane out of here.