I know, I'm late... again! But, for once, I have a good excuse! My Ineternet was down for 3 days, and I just got it back Tuesday (Tuesday being one of the busiest days of the week for me.). So, I typed out this chapter as fast as I could, today, Wednesday. Right now, it's about 20 minutes 'till Thursday, so I think I've made good time... all things considered. This chapter was probably the hardest to start, and I ended up waiting until the last minute to type it out. I mean, I had started out with one thing, then decided I didn't like the turn I was taking, scrapped a few rough drafts, had to add in some more dialogue... All in all, this was pretty hard to write. But once I got started, I absolutely could not stop! Just goes to show: no matter how much you struggle in the beginning, if you keep working hard, things will work out for the better.
- Kodu
Note: Check out my livejournal ( http:// kodukadvakch . livejournal . com ), for some spoilers and other random tidbits of things I write! Also, in case you haven't noticed, FF . net's review/PM e-mail alerts have been freaking out for a little while now. That means if you PM me, I'm not ignoring you, I just haven't gotten your message yet. Same goes for me. If I reply to a review, it may be a while before you get it... So if you're reading chapter 32 and end up getting a message from me waaaaay back from chapter 27, don't be surprised.
Thank you all for the wonderful reviews and advice! I've absolutely loved reading what you think!
27
- Sakura -
'He's watching you…' My Inner self found it amusing to taunt me and my embarrassment around Gaara. Ever since our little embrace, I had started to blush with every glance he tossed my way.
A swarm of butterflies rose in my stomach every time we made eye contact, and I found it impossible to hold his gaze for long. He traveled closer to me, now, and when his arm brushed innocently against mine, or when his hand would 'accidentally' bump my own, I knew he was doing these things on purpose. It was nerve-wracking to realize that these touches, rather than disgust me, only made me blush.
Idiot, I chided myself, inwardly scowling when another brush of fingers set my face aflame once again. I'm acting like a little school girl around her crush. This is a mission… a mission!
This mantra was repeated over and over in my head, but it still didn't help the fact that I was growing increasingly uncomfortable in the red-head's presence - and not necessarily in a bad way, either.
It didn't help that the temperature seemed to drop with each passing moment, and every brush of contact sent a jolt of warmth up my body.
He stopped suddenly, and I nearly tripped over my own feet trying to avoid running into him.
'Hey, we're running here, idiot!' shouted Inner Sakura, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from stating such a thing out loud.
"You're shivering."
His voice startled me, for, after hours of complete silence, I had grown accustomed to the quite which had settled around us.
Us.
I gulped at the word, and couldn't help but outwardly flinch.
No, no, no! I repeated over in my head, as if this mantra could keep my analytical brain from deciphering what I meant by saying 'us' instead of 'me and him,' or even, 'my partner and I.'
This was Sabaku no Gaara we were talking about. This wasn't just some genius nin. This wasn't just some prodigy child. This was a bloodthirsty monster; the very one suspected of being a tool for Konoha's demise.
There was no 'us' in this partnership. Hell, there wasn't even a partnership in this partnership! We were merely two people brought together by dumb chance. We weren't two pieces of a puzzle; we were a means to an end. There was no sense in grouping him and I together as 'us.' We weren't an 'us.' If anything, we were probably the two most distant partners a group of shinobi had ever seen. I knew nothing about him, he knew nothing about me, and we were both set and determined to keep it that way.
It wasn't until just then that I realized how many times I had said 'we.'
Arh! Can't I go one minute without grouping us together like that?
'…You did it again…' My inner self commented.
…Crap…
I lifted my hand to slap myself in the forehead - hey, the target was big enough. I might as well put it to good use! -, when a soft tendril of sand snaked around my arm to stop me.
Surprised at how smooth the otherwise grainy substance had become, I snapped my head upwards to stare at the red-head questioningly.
"Come,' he stated rather bluntly, the swirl of sand brushing against my skin in what was undoubtedly a caress.
Unnerved - both by the danger I was in, and the hideous smell coming from the boy's weapon of choice -, I tried breaking free, but only succeeded in causing the sand to wrap around me more tightly.
"I said 'Come.'" This time, his voice held a slight edge to it, and by the look in his eyes, I knew right now was not the time to mess with him.
Nodding dumbly - as if giving my consent would make any difference! - I stepped nervously towards my captor, the red-head grunting in approval, though the soft sand continued to caress my arm.
It paused when I was right before him, as if waiting for something, and I willed my lowered head to lift up and meet the others' gaze - if but a little timidly.
He was watching me expectantly, and I couldn't help but grow angry at the agitated look on his face.
'We can't read minds, you idiot!' shouted Inner Sakura, and I was in full agreement with her.
A slight huff of annoyance left the sand-controller's lips, and with a slow assuredness, he held out his arms.
Briefly, I wondered at the gracefulness of such a move - how his hands seemed to glide upwards with relative ease, and how his slight muscles lifted with the fluidity of water -, but couldn't think for long, as his scratchy voice interrupted my reveries.
"You're cold. Come here."
Oh.
I get it now.
It was comical really, to think that the intimidating boy would go through such lengths just to receive a simple hug.
Though, if the rumors were true, and he didn't have the ability to touch others, then it was completely understandable that he would crave this contact, while at the same time be nervous about receiving it.
He watched me expectantly, with the gaze of someone used to getting their way, and for a second I wondered at what he might do if I were to deny him.
The sand tightened, and my imagination went wild.
Well, I thought while stepping forward lightly. I'm not up for finding out just how dangerous Mr. Sand Man here can be.
I didn't realize how cold I had been until I was wrapped up in the other's embrace. His heat surrounded me like a furnace, and I sighed into his shirt, settling my arms between his back and the gourd he carried.
I heard him sigh, too, and wasn't nearly surprised as I should have been when he tugged me further into his embrace.
We stayed like this for a little while longer, when the red-head released me and took an almost tentative step back.
"It's getting dark," he whispered, glancing up at the sky.
I looked around me to find his words true. Night had crept up on us, and I was surprised to see that we were bathed in the lengthening shadows of dawn.
"We should head back," I stated, and glanced towards the other to find him already walking in the direction we had come.
Flabbergasted that he would leave me behind so easily, I had to force myself not to shout out a scathing remark and instead settled with catching up to the rather slow-paced boy.
With the lingered remnants of his warmth fading from my body, I couldn't help but shiver at the extreme cold which settled onto my skin.
This would be a long night.
::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::
It has to be here!
I shifted the various items in my pack uneasily, going through it for the fourth time, checking over the items in my head.
Toothbrush, check. Hairbrush, check. Extra clothes, check. Poison, check.
When this go around had me empty handed, again, I began to panic.
Crap! Don't tell me…!
I didn't want to think about it, and instead began to pull out the various items I had brought with me, tossing them carelessly around my body in random little piles.
No, no, no! This can't be happening!
When everything was emptied from my bag, and I still couldn't find what I was looking for, I knew that I was undoubtedly screwed.
It was cold - colder than any other Dogwood winter I had suffered through - and, like the amateur shinobi that I was, I had forgotten my sleeping bag.
'Bring an extra blanket,' Hinata had said. Ironic, that I would ignore the girl's advice - now, of all times.
By the time we had reached our campsite, darkness had settled around us, and it was too late to go searching the woods for kindling for a campfire. I had planned on cuddling up into my bag, trying to keep as warm as possible, but now it seemed I would be lucky to survive the night without freezing my tail off.
Of course, I would forget such an important item on the coldest night Konoha had ever seen.
I blamed Sasuke, really. If he hadn't been so…so… reality-shattering last night, I would never have been too stunned to properly think while packing.
I glanced up to find Gaara seated on his usual boulder, seemingly unfazed by the drop in temperature around him.
He has to be freezing, I thought, watching him bitterly. I mean, come on! He's from the desert!
And then a thought struck me.
Shikamaru and Hinata had said that their teammates had set up separate camps from their own. If that was true - and with the additional fact that I had yet to see the red-head sleep anywhere near to me -, then it would make sense if he had a camp of his own.
And if he had his own campsite, then that meant that maybe, just maybe, he would have a spare blanket or sleeping bag I would use.
Well, it was worth a shot, anyways…
"Gaara," I called, lifting up from my spot near the crimson stake.
He didn't reply, and before I even had time to be agitated with him, I walked up behind the boy and stared at his back.
After a few more minutes of staring, the other shifted uncomfortably, and I inwardly celebrated at my ability to affect his emotionless self.
"What do you want?" The monotonous tone to his voice did nothing to betray his emotions - assuming he actually had emotions… - and I found myself fidgeting under the cool blue gaze he turned to me.
His eyes seemed to glow by the light of the moon, and the marks around them darkened considerably. The paleness of his skin was a striking contrast to the blackness which surrounded both our forms, and with the night sky a backdrop to his passive gaze, I found myself comparing his eyes to the stars which twinkled in the vastness beyond. The fiery locks which adorned his head by day had turned an almost endearing shade of dark, ruddy brown, and I had the sudden urge to ruffle the hair atop his head.
For once, I didn't try stopping my thoughts from the turn they had taken, and instead indulged in it.
Wouldn't it be nice, I mused, taking a few extra moments to familiarize myself with the calmness of his features. If someone held me like him, yet loved me like I've never been loved before?
Shaking my head and sighing inaudibly, I took a hesitant step forward, lowing my eyes to the ground.
"I… uh… I forgot my sleeping bag, and I was wondering if you have a spare I can borrow?"
I glanced up to find him looking at me as if I had grown an extra head.
Awkwardly, I pressed forward.
"Well, I mean, could you just check your other campsite to see -"
"I don't have another campsite," he cut off, and by the tone of his voice I knew that, had he eyebrows, one would have been raised.
"Oh," I stated rather dumbly, shocked for a moment. In my un-tactfulness, I rambled on. "Well why don't I ever see you sleep, then?"
He didn't have an answer for this, and instead turned away, directing his gaze to the full moon hanging lazily in the sky.
After fidgeting for several more minutes, I spoke up again.
"Well, uh… do you have something I can borrow?" Was that hope in my voice? Ah, well. It didn't matter, anyways. My hopes were shattered soon enough.
"No."
"Oh." Crap, I hated repeating myself, and this whole 'acting like a fumbling idiot' thing was getting on my own nerves!
If the temperature had dropped several degrees since I had started my little conversation with the red-head, it became blatantly obvious the moment I stepped back into the center of the clearing. Goosebumps rose on my flesh, and I continuously rubbed my arms, as if this would help heat my entire body.
I'm not getting any sleep tonight, am I? I thought dejectedly, settling myself down on the hard ground below. The grass was colder than the open air, and I jumped back up as soon as my bare ankles had touched it, shivering even more, if that were possible.
"Great," I breathed, pacing back and forth to try and warm my numbing body. "Death by hypothermia was definitely not on my 'to do' list."
I didn't stop walking back and forth until I felt a set of eyes piercing my back. I turned around slowly, meeting the red-head's silent glare with a fleeting coolness of my own.
It was irrational, really, but a part of me blamed him for not having a spare blanket of his own to share with me.
I blanched, while my inner side cackled.
Not 'share'! Give! I meant 'give'! I corrected inwardly, though Inner Sakura was already having a hay-day with my little slip-up.
'Cozying up to him, eh?' she mocked, and I let my anger show outwardly.
No! You know what I meant!
'Yeah,' she stated evenly, then in a sly tone, 'But do you?'
What's that supposed to mean!?
But she didn't answer, and with all my being I just wanted to pull out my hair and rant and scream at the idiot that was my subconscious.
What ever happened to the whole 'angel, devil' deal, huh? Why did I get stuck with you!
Furious now, I was ready to go stomping off into the woods when the gaze of the red-head stopped me.
He had watched the entire exchange with an intrigued look on his face, and instead of laughing at me or accusing me of being crazy, he merely smirked.
True, in this light, and in these circumstances, that small lift to the lips was horribly cute, but I would never admit that to his face - or to my inner self, for that matter.
He's not calling me a freak, I thought bemusedly. I guess he's just glad he's found someone half as crazy as himself.
He stayed in that position - half turned towards me, half turned towards the moon - for several moments, and without lifting a finger, somehow communicated with his eyes that he wanted me to go to him.
I thought it strange how he could practically talk with his eyes… or maybe I had just gotten used to reading him? No matter the case, I was walking to him before I could even think to do otherwise.
"You're cold," he stated, using the same words from earlier, only this time the edge to his voice was completely gone.
Was it just me, or did he seem… happier - or, if not that, at least calmer - in the moonlight?
Without another word, he held out his arms to me, and my breath hitched at the childish innocence of the act. Here was a boy, so young and so completely ignorant of what was socially proper, silently demanding an embrace from the only person would could give it to him. It was adorable, in a sense, and completely heart wrenching, in another.
The fact that he was practically telling me to sit in his lap broke the sentimental value of the moment.
When I made no move to follow through with his plan, he retracted his arms and instead crossed them over his chest.
"Do you want to die?" he asked casually, and I couldn't tell if me meant by hypothermia, or by his own hands.
I was freaked out, to put it lightly.
It was as if I were staring into the gaping mouth of a monstrous beast, and the only way for me to escape was to stay on that creature's good side. So, I treated this situation much like I would have treated one concerning an angry animal.
Forcing the hitch to leave my throat, and the stutter out of my voice, I replied as calmly as I could, "No one wants to die."
He gave me a curious look before turning his attention back to the stars.
"I do."
The admittance was shocking, and I couldn't help but openly gape at what he had just said. Watching him rather dumbly, I noticed that he shifted over a little more, leaving just enough room on the boulder for me to join him.
Not one to pass up such a chance - I mean, honestly, I could count the number of time's this boy had started a conversation with me on one hand! -, I settled in beside him, and was instantly wary of the fact that his body heat was close enough to keep me relatively warm.
"Why?"
He didn't answer, and I realized that I had said the wrong thing.
A few minutes passed, neither of us opening our mouths, before I finally settled on something to say.
"Sometimes, people use death as a means to an end… and… sometimes, it's just because they're too afraid to keep living."
He shifted again, this time leaning forward and resting his arms against his knees.
For a while, he remained silent, and I was beginning to wonder if I had messed up once again, when his scratchy voice broke the quiet.
"Sometimes, people are just curious, and wonder if nonexistence is a more suitable way to live."
That was rather…deep.
A part of me was surprised the red-head had the capacity to think in such a way, and another part of me had expected as much. Though, I was still a little shocked. After all, it actually took me several moments to come up with a decent reply - something none of my other friends had yet to accomplish.
"I doubt anything in this life would cause someone to willingly seek out death just because they are curious."
This time, he actually turned to me, and the answer which escaped his lips was almost instantaneous.
"What about living death?"
Crinkling my brow, I tipped my head to the side in silent question. "Pardon?"
Without taking his gaze off me, he replied with a series of words that chilled me to the core.
"What is the definition of life? The want of others? The need for acceptance? The mere act of breathing? To some, existence is not defined by manmade standards. To some, it is fulfilling their own desires, even if it means shutting themselves off from the rest of humanity, making them dead to those around them."
I had no doubt who this 'some' was, but as the red-head turned away from me once more, I couldn't help but wonder at what he had said.
"They are breathing, yet they are not alive." I finished his statement for him, and the look he gave me was something I had never before seen in my entire life. It wasn't quite admiration, but it was close.
Suddenly, I became hyperaware of the coldness around me, and shivered as a breeze blew past. If I didn't find warmth soon, I was certain I would freeze my butt off. Glancing towards the sand-controller, then down at the boulder, then back at the boy again, I stiffly decided that I rather liked my butt, and chose that moment to slide indiscreetly closer to the other.
Indiscreetly, apparently, wasn't a word you could use when it concerned Gaara, for the second I moved, his eyes were on me once again, and it became infinitely harder to go through with what I had planned. Forcing back the lump in my throat, I shifted the remaining three inches towards the red-head, and nearly melted at the heat which warmed the side of my body.
He stiffened the second I touched him, though, and for an agonizingly painful minute, I feared he might reject me for rejecting him earlier.
My fears were shattered when a welcoming arm was slung around my shoulders, and my head was pulled down to come in contact with the soft fabric of his shirt.
"Cold?" he murmered softly, and I could detect a hint of amusement in his voice.
Good, I thought, breathing a silent sigh of relief. I could have sworn he would be furious with me.
In a flash of clarity, the Sandaime's words came back to me, and made complete sense. This boy craved my touch, and I could use that to my advantage! He needed contact - my contact -, and…and…
And the way he lightly traced my left arm with his fingers, ghosting across my flesh with a tenderness no one had ever shown before, was deliciously distracting.
No! Mission, mission, mission!
But it was hard to think about such things, when all I wanted to do was cuddle deeper into the warmth Gaara provided. And it only got harder, as my eyes began to droop and darkness began to blur the edges of my vision.
"G'night," I mumbled sleepily before drifting off into the wonderful world of unconsciousness.
- Gaara -
It felt nice, to have her laying against me like that, and I decided that I would rather like her to do such a thing again. She was asleep in minutes, and a part of me was undeniably angry at her for having the ability to do something I couldn't. Another part, though, liked watching the gentle rise and fall of her stomach, and was intrigued by the little noises she made from time to time.
You're falling for her.
The voice which interrupted my thoughts sounded amused.
I don't even know what that means.
And I didn't.
You're an idiot.
You're a demon doomed to spend eternity in hell when I die.
The splitting headache which pierced my skull warned me that that had been the wrong thing to say.
"Stop that," I growled, clutching at my head in pain. True, I usually never spoke to my demon aloud, but in the silence of the night, or when I was left alone to my own thoughts, I found it much easier to just answer the Tanuki verbally. It helped, too, when Shukaku punished me for saying something wrong, or forced his cravings into my very being.
I'm hungry.
"Not now." I didn't want to hunt. I didn't want to move from my position, because I might chance waking the kunoichi in my arms, and for the first time in a long time, I was comfortable.
You haven't existed for over a week.
"I've existed… in a different way…" He sounded angry at that, and I found that the ache intensified. My senses heightened, making me even more aware of the girl in my arms - of the feel of her soft skin against my fingers, the sound of her racing pulse, the smell of her blood…
"Tomorrow," I grit out between clenched teeth. The desire to kill had been sparked into my soul, and I knew that until I quenched it, it would only get worse. "Tomorrow, I will satiate your needs."
Good. I could practically see the wicked grin undoubtedly plastered on the demon's face by the tone of his voice. Make it a massacre…
I merely grunted, and turned my focus back on the girl in my arms.
She mumbled something in her sleep, and shifted even closer to me, clutching at my shirt softly. Her nose snuggled into my chest, and as she began to relax even more, a single lithe leg wrapped around my thigh in a lazy manner.
Yes, I thought, closing my eyes in ecstasy of her warmth. I could get used to this. I realized a couple of things while writing this chapter. One of those - probably one of the most vital things in advancing Gaara and Sakura's relationship - was that, for all their interaction, they never really talk much. So, I decided that it would probably be good to 'push' their friendship in the right direction by letting them discuss some matters that, in my opinion, seemed relevent enough. Next chapter, we get to see Gaara in his 'element.' I just now realized that, for all the talk of him being a bloodthirsty monster, we have yet to see him kill anyone yet... Ah well, that should change... very soon. Review please! And check out my livejournal account: http:// kodukadvakch . livejournal . com
'Snuggled' is a very fun word. Go ahead, say it!
- Kodu
