"Stop staring at me," she whispered, her eyes still closed as she attempted to find the sleep that was evading her due to her husband.
"I'm not."
She internally smiled. "Yes, you are. Stop it."
The next thing she knew, his hand was sliding over her neck, his mouth following. "Fine, then, I'll have to settle for touching you."
Biting back a moan at his tongue dipping into the hollow of her neck, she brought a hand to the back of his head.
"Ichabod..."
"Mhm...?"
"It's not yet light out," she whispered, threading her fingers through his thick hair. "And...I have a long day ahead at the infirmary."
His mouth trailed up to her chin and opened over it as his tongue ran along her skin. That would not have gotten to her so if his hand hadn't simultaneously fell to her breast to begin teasing her, rolling her nipple between his fingers.
"I-"
"You what?" he asked, hovering just over her lips. "Tell me what you want, my love. I'll do anything."
Eyes finally opening to find his blue orbs boring into her, she breathed, "Everything."
A smirk creased his face as he adjusted over her. "Then, it's a good thing it's not yet morning."
"Katrina?"
She didn't move, though she wasn't even sure she could. All she really knew was that she didn't want to see or talk to anyone.
"Sweetheart, please..."
Her father's voice held a slight pleading in it, but she couldn't bring herself to care. The only thing she wanted was to return to Ichabod, to his eyes and his touch, to his whispers of devotion as he loved her over and over.
"I know this is unbearable. I know it hurts worse than anything else."
No, he didn't. No one knew, could fathom it. The pain in her chest felt as if it were suffocating her. No one knew because no one could survive such a feeling and she was sure her time of enduring it would surely claim her life as well.
"The ceremony will be beginning soon."
Her eyes squeezed shut even tighter.
"You need to be there, Katrina, to say goodbye to him."
How could she say goodbye when he wasn't even there? He wasn't anywhere. Her love was scattered across the colony.
"What happened? I haven't heard of any battle having taken place recently."
Her eyes jerked to Mary, who was still holding Kahlan.
"He wasn't killed in a battle, ma'am"
Gaze now on the man who had just entered her home and destroyed her, she pulled herself from Abraham. "What? What do you mean he wasn't killed in battle?"
The man shifted his feet in clear discomfort. "Captain Crane was ambushed en route to camp."
In confusion, she frowned. "You mean he never reached camp after he departed from here?"
"No, ma'am," he answered with shake of his head. "We believe it was the work of a band of Hessians. We found one of their bodies nearby Captain Crane's. It would seem he managed to kill one of them before they overcame him and..."
She sucked in a breath, attempting to keep herself from falling apart again. "Where is my husband?"
The man's face blanched. "I'm very sorry, ma'am, but..."
"But what?" she prodded, her voice growing. "Where is my husband!?"
The soldier took a step back at her shout. "We didn't find him for some days after the attack and...the animals..."
"Oh God," she breathed out, suddenly overcome with sickness. Shoving herself further from Abraham, she fell to her hands as she began to heave until she emptied her stomach.
"Katrina," Abraham whispered as he pulled back her hair and held it away from her dinner, which was making a reappearance. However, she couldn't do anything except continue to heave until she was doing nothing more than choking on her sobs.
"This isn't happening," she whispered. "It's not real."
"How do you know it was him?" asked Mary. "How are you certain?"
"We know, ma'am." The man paused. "His coat contained a letter addressed to Mrs. Crane, as well as one to his daughter."
"But what if he simply dropped his coat?" Mary prodded quickly. "What if the body you found belonged to another Hessian? What if he's being held captive somewhere? What if-"
"We found his ring," the man cut in softly.
"But-"
"It was still on his hand, ma'am."
Frowning, she finally glanced up. "His hand?"
The man looked as though he were about to empty his stomach as well. "Please don't ask for the details of his body, Mrs. Crane. You don't want that in your mind." He paused again. "General Washington himself confirmed it was the Captain. He asked me to express his condolences and his regret for not being able to come himself."
He stepped forward and reached into his coat pocket.
"These were addressed to you and your daughter," he said, handing her two letters, which she had to hold in another sob at because of the blood smeared along the edge of one.
"And this."
He dropped a small item in her hand. At the sight of Ichabod's ring, she felt another rush of tears burst forward as she folded in on herself.
"Once again, I'm very sorry for your loss, ma'am."
With that, he slowly backed away.
"Katrina..."
"Go away," she finally whispered.
A pause came and then he continued, "It's been two days, Katrina. You have to leave this bed."
Her anger began to build. "Get out!" she screamed, sitting up and facing him.
Her father didn't flinch, but the small scream that left his arms drew her gaze.
Unable to stand looking at her daughter, she turned to face the wall. "Take her away."
"She needs her mother, Katrina."
Kahlan's screams grew louder.
"I said to take her away," she bit out over her daughter's screams. "I don't want her here." Her breathing was beginning to grow heavier as she felt her tears coming. How could she possibly have any left?
"What would he say if he were here?"
She jerked her eyes to his with a glare, her jaw clenched. "Don't you dare pretend as if you knew anything about him. You hated him. You never had a kind word to offer him."
Her father didn't even flinch. "I know that he loved you and this little girl more than anything in the world. Katrina, I know it hurts, but you have to set that aside for your child. She needs you."
She bit out, "Because that's what you did?" Finally, she got a reaction in his jaw flexing. "How dare you sit there and lecture me on how to grieve? At least, I'm not drowning my sorrows in whatever drink I can find and stumbling to some chair to sleep it off."
He sighed, his gaze falling to Kahlan, whom she still refused to look at.
"You're right," he whispered with a small nod. "I was a selfish man. When your mother died, the only person I cared about was myself. I pushed everyone and everything away in my grief." His eyes found hers again, the slight gold amidst the brown flickering with unshed tears. "I abandoned you, Katrina. I hurt you deeply with my selfishness." He shook his head. "Is that what you intend to do to Kahlan?"
Her breath hitched as she tore her eyes from him. "Stop it."
"She's crying for you, Katrina, her mother. Are you going to abandon her the way I did you?"
Kahlan's cries began to tear at her heart. "Please, stop," she whispered, her eyes falling closed.
The bed shifted as her father stood and she prayed he was finally leaving her. When she heard his boots clicking across the floor, but Kahlan's cries not moving, she opened her eyes and quickly turned to find him at the door and Kahlan squirming on the bed beside her.
"Don't you dare do this!" She threw a finger at him. "You take her back!"
He turned in the doorway to face her. "We're leaving for the cemetery in an hour. I hope you decide to come." With that, he pulled her door closed.
"Father, you come back here!" she shouted, only furthering Kahlan's screams, who she still refused to look at. Turning away, she fell over and pulled a pillow over her head in an attempt to drown her out.
"Stop," she whispered. "Please, stop."
She kept whispering it over and over with Kahlan never ceasing.
"Ichabod, please...I need you."
She needed him to come home. She needed him here with her. His arms around her. His gentle smile. His comforting touch. His whispers of love.
A time passed of the both of them sobbing before Kahlan made a choking sound, sending a wave of panic through her as she quickly turned over.
"Kahlan..." Her little girl's face was blood red as she slid her hands beneath her, pulling her to her chest. "It's alright," she whispered in a broken voice. "It's alright."
Kahlan's screams returned, the choking having been just a minor effect of being on her back. As she pulled her baby close to her chest, she laid her head to her daughters'. "I'm here. It's alright, shh..."
After a few minutes of gently rocking her, the cries finally began to die down to little whimpers. Lying back against the pillows, she turned on her side, gently placing Kahlan alongside her. As she stared at her still red little girl, she felt her own sob building again.
Her father was right. She'd abandoned her.
"I'm so sorry, Kahlan," she whispered, brushing her fingers over her daughter's still wet cheeks. "Your father would be so angry with me."
Leaning close to place a kiss to Kahlan's cheek, she rested her hand over her little belly, softly rubbing it soothingly. "I promise I'll never leave you again. I promise."
Kahlan gave another small whimper.
"Mama's here. It's alright." Forcing a smile to her face, she whispered, "We're going to be alright. We will."
