A/N: The usual warnings apply for later on this chapter, also some dark-ish vampiric themes / consensual roughness. It was hard to find a good place to break this chapter, but I had to break it up because otherwise it would get waaaaay too long. So, sorry for the sort-of cliffie, things will be resolved next chapter. :)
Chapter Twenty-Eight: "We Can't Lose This"
Zero found Kaname on the spacious balcony that let off of the pureblood's bedroom. Kaname was still wearing the jacket and dress shirt from the meeting with Diachi which had ended only a few minutes before, but the jacket and the top few buttons of the crisp white shirt were unbuttoned and his tie was gone. He'd apparently shed his shoes as well, standing barefoot on the cool stone patio. The sun was just starting to rise behind the distant tree line, painting a golden hue across the balcony that was just starting to creep towards where Kaname stood, although it had not yet reached him. The pureblood was leaning his elbows on the thick marble railing that surrounded the balcony, looking out over the gardens with a distant, faintly melancholy expression. He had a glass of blood wine cupped loosely between long, graceful fingers. The bottle stood open and partially empty on the bedside table inside the sliding glass doors that let out onto the balcony. It wasn't nearly enough to get him drunk unfortunately, and he was pondering if he should try to remedy that situation.
He always felt like this after dealing with something relating to Yuki's death. There was a pain there that felt like it would never go away, no matter how full his life was of other things or how much time should pass. Some wounds didn't heal; you just learned to live with them. His and Diachi's conversation about Zero hadn't helped either, nor was the very strong unsettled vibes he was getting from the hunter who had just entered his rooms.
Zero stopped once he gained the balcony, pausing just outside the sliding glass doors as he regarded the pureblood. If he had been in less inner turmoil himself, the hunter would have seen the clear signs that Kaname was feeling depressed and agitated after his meeting. But right now, it was hard to see anything but the memory of the angry and disgusted look in Yagari's eyes earlier that morning.
Zero did not speak at once, and Kaname continued to stare down into the ruby red wine in his glass. He could feel the encroaching sunlight touching his right sleeve now, but couldn't find enough motivation to move.
"You're angry with me," the pureblood remarked quietly, his tone unreadable as he took another deep draught from the glass in his hand. It didn't take pureblood senses to tell him that. Zero's whole bearing was screaming tension and agitation. Kaname did not turn, but remained where he was, gazing out across the slowly lightening landscape. "Are you going to tell me why, or do I have to guess?" behind the emotionless façade, the question was weary.
Kaname's outward indifference grated on Zero's raw nerves. The pureblood could be so damn infuriating when he drew back into his shell like this. Zero's fists knotted at his sides. He knew this mask was how Kaname held the world at arm's length, but he didn't like it when it was directed at him.
He felt a strong urge to storm over there and do something stupid to try and shatter that gratingly expressionless calm that Kaname exuded so effortlessly, but instead he simply walked over to the railing beside the pureblood, leaning both hands on the thick balustrade as he looked out towards the spreading dawn. Any other time, it would have been a pretty sight as the sun slowly painted the horizon with gold. But right now, Zero was too upset, his gut churning with too much anger and hurt to appreciate anything.
He wasn't even sure what exactly he wanted to say or where to begin... or if he should even bother. The deepest hurt was not something he could just blurt out, it was too painful. So he came at it from a side angle instead.
"Do you want me trained as a hunter because you plan to make me your assassin?" he asked quietly, also avoiding looking at the other vampire His voice was far from calm, but it was at least more controlled than he felt. A simple question that wanted a simple answer.
Kaname's gaze darted towards his companion, as if completely bewildered where that unexpected remark had come from. "What? Who put that in your head?"
Zero noted that Kaname did not deny it and he gripped the railing tighter, fixing Kaname with an accusing look. "Do you? Is that really why you brought Master Toga here?"
Kaname's lips compressed into a thin line of frustrated irritation. The way Zero was looking at him hurt. Why did Zero always have to treat him like he had an ulterior motive for everything? He bent over backwards to try to make the boy happy, but it seemed it was never enough. A sudden thought came to him and Kaname's frown darkened.
"You ran into Seiji, didn't you? Is that what this is about?" It made sense. Seiji had made himself scarce during the visit and the notion that Kaname had taken Zero as his protégé in order to create the perfect vampire/hunter hybrid assassin was a notion currently in wide circulation among the pureblood and noble circles. "What, he says I'm using you, and you just believe him?" The pain of that thought was a little more than Kaname was ready to deal with right now.
"I don't know what to think sometimes..." Zero whispered a bit hoarsely, his fists curling against the railing as he looked away into the distance again, unable to witness the hurt on Kaname's face. This was hard... so much harder than it would have been in the past, because now, seeing those wounded expressions on his lover's face bit at his heart.
Kaname watched Zero for a moment, silently observing the way the faint, golden light painted across his set, stormy features and made his silver-white hair almost blond. Finally, the pureblood looked away again as well. His jaw set.
"What do you want me to say?" he inquired, his forced calm lined with tension. "That it never crossed my mind? Do you think I'm blind? Of course I was aware of the possible advantages of such an arrangement." He took a sip of the wine in the glass he was gripping, although he no longer registered the taste. He could see that whatever Seiji had said to Zero had obviously shaken him deeply, much more deeply than the pureblood would have expected, since he had no way of knowing about the blow up that the hunter had also had with Yagari. Surely, Zero of all people realized what a complete ass Seiji was? Why was he taking anything that the other pureblood said to heart? Kaname didn't understand and his gaze slid down to the wine in his glass as he swirled it slowly. Maybe it was unfair, but sometimes he wanted to be accepted without having to explain or justify himself. Was the trust between them really still so thin? That Zero would take Seiji's word over his?
Zero snorted softly in denial. "Blind? No..." That's my department, apparently.
"Ah... then you just think me heartless, and a liar," Kaname said quietly. His voice was still calm, but also aching with a distinct melancholy now. He drained his wine glass, still cupping the bowl with one hand. He wanted to squeeze it until it broke.
His gaze finally turned back to rest upon Zero once more. "Just because a move could be made, does not necessitate that it will be made. Zero, I may let others think those are my intentions because it is safer for you if they do, but I had hoped you understood me a little better than that." Kaname's dark eyes were fixed intently on the other's face now and Zero felt his gaze drawn to meet them despite himself. The way the golden light was dancing in the pureblood's dark hair and reflecting on the deep, soulful surface of his eyes was distracting. Even when he was seething and mixed up inside, Zero couldn't help but notice.
"I'm not trying to trap you into something. I brought Toga here for exactly the reasons I told you. I want you to train as a hunter for exactly the reasons I told you... because I want you to be happy and do what you were born to do." A faint, sad smile ghosted across the finely sculpted lips. "Is it so hard to believe that I could want such a thing?"
Zero swallowed a bit raggedly. He wanted so badly to just believe Kaname. It was so easy to feel like he was the one being the jerk here, but the fact remained that Kaname was apparently quite capable of lying to him without compunction, so what was he supposed to believe?
"Really... so, if I wanted to leave... you'd be okay with that?" he asked quietly, before he could stop himself. He didn't know why he said things like that, why he chaffed for a freedom from something that he didn't necessarily want to be free from. Was he testing Kaname? Why? What did he expect him to say? Are you that desperate to be reassured that he cares about you...? You're pathetic, Kiriyu...
Kaname felt like someone had kicked him in the chest. Oh God... It was physically hard to breathe. His fears were right... Zero did want to leave if he had the choice. "If... if that's what you wanted," Kaname whispered with effort, blinking rapidly and looking away towards the horizon. The words killed him, but he didn't want Zero to think he was trying to hold him captive or manipulate him. "I've never said you had to stay with me. Why are you acting like I'm your jailer?" his voice roughened with emotion that was hard to suppress as he retreated, setting the wine glass down before he broke it by accident and betrayed his silent agitation.
Zero's chest ached hollowly. Well, what did you expect him to say, genius? "No, don't go?"
Kaname returned to the railing, gripping it tightly with one hand and glad he could pretend his eyes were stinging because of the growing sunlight. He couldn't do it. He couldn't act like it was fine if Zero wanted to walk out of his life. "But I... I don't want you to leave, if that means anything..." he whispered.
It did. Zero was probably a complete idiot, but it did mean something. A lot. He ran his hand through his hair, feeling like he was coming to pieces. He was angry with Kaname, and yet at the same time...
"Master Toga's leaving," he murmured a bit hoarsely, finally breaking down enough to confide that bit of news.
Kaname frowned in surprise. Zero seemed to be hopping subjects all over the place and it was a full time job keeping up with him today. He tried to swallow his pain. He ached to hear that Zero didn't really want to leave, but maybe it was enough that he'd let the subject drop. "What? Why? Was there some kind of emergency?"
Zero snorted bitterly. "Yeah, he realized he was training a vampire," self-loathing crept into Zero's hard tone. "Seiji... told him about us," he added in a whisper, his skin coloring faintly all over again.
Kaname felt a dangerous protective haze settle over him as Zero's mood began to make sense. Crap... He was going to kill Seiji next time he saw him. He always thought that, but one of these days he was really going to do it. The idiot! Kaname knew how much Yagari's opinion meant to Zero, and he unfortunately could easily imagine the hunter's reaction to Seiji's no doubt un-delicate revelation.
"Zero, I'm so sorry," he murmured, taking a step forward and laying a gentle hand on his lover's shoulder. He tried to put his own hurt aside for Zero's sake. "Let me talk to him, I can fix this..."
Zero shrugged Kaname's hand off his shoulder more roughly than he'd intended. "No! No... just... stay out of it. I don't want you to fix things, okay?" Zero was more than afraid that any well-intentioned attempts by Kaname to keep Yagari from leaving would lead to the confrontation that he'd tried very hard to keep from happening.
"Zero..."
"Never mind, just forget it." Zero's voice was harsher than he intended because he was hurting. He folded his arms and stared fixedly at the horizon, trying to hold together the aching pieces of himself.
Kaname turned away. There was a quiet, defeated look on his face. He gave up. He didn't know what Zero wanted from him and why he could never seem to give it. "What is it, Zero? Is it me?" he whispered. "Or just what I am that you can't stand? That you... hate..." Kaname rested his head in his hands, elbows leaning against the railing once more. The sun was riding higher now on its arc up the sky and it was giving him a headache as it beat down on his dark hair.
All the fears that Diachi's words had stirred in him earlier pounded through his aching head. Whispered voices that told him Zero was just tolerating him because he realistically had no choice but to do so. The horrible, gnawing suspicion that Zero was just biding his time, learning everything that Kaname could teach him in the hopes that he would one day find a way to be free of the pureblood. Thinking like that made Kaname sick, but it was hard to shake his own naturally wary nature. He was used to everyone having designs upon him... he just didn't want to see Zero that way. He couldn't see him that way. He craved Zero's approval and affection too deeply.
Zero watched the dejected form of the pureblood leaning on the balcony. Kaname's soft words and obvious despondency tugged at him, making his chest throb hollowly. Sometimes it seemed like his lover was two different people. There was the Kaname that faced the world, and there was the Kaname that could only show when they were alone. This Kaname was not in charge of everything, not confident and calculating. This Kaname was lonely, vulnerable, and tired. This Kaname, no one but Zero ever got to see, and it was this Kaname that always drew Zero to him, over and over.
Swallowing his pride and his anger for the moment, as was usually the outcome of any of their disagreements, Zero slid quietly over to Kaname, his arms threading loosely around the other's waist as he stood behind him. Zero could not resist this lost, lonely dejection that made the pureblood look like such a forlorn puppy who wanted only to be held. Kaname was very possibly playing him, knowing his weaknesses, but if so, then he knew them too well.
Softly, Zero nuzzled his head against the side of Kaname's neck. "I didn't say I couldn't stand you," he whispered softly, his words humming low against the smooth skin. "Stop putting words in my mouth." The words were dry, but his tone was gentle. The overpowering urge to touch that silky skin with his lips was too much to fight. Maybe... maybe he was over reacting. He was still swimming in pain from Yagari's rejection, maybe he was unfairly taking that out on Kaname. Maybe there was a perfectly good reason why Kaname hadn't told him about the developments regarding Yuki's death... and maybe pigs had wings.
But Zero wanted... needed to believe that, because as he held Kaname now, feeling the pureblood's heartbeat against his chest... he knew he'd long ago crossed the line of ever being able to walk away. Even if Kaname was using him. Even if he was only a well-cared for pawn in the giant chess game that life was to the pureblood. He needed Kaname too much. He wanted him to much. He...
Kaname shuddered softly at the warm sensation of Zero's lips moving against his neck. His arms slid around Zero's where they wrapped around his waist, pulling the other in tighter against his back. His body ached to feel his lover's closeness. To feel the warmth of Zero's body pressed against his. To just get lost in it and forget everything, including the horrible idea that the one holding him might simply be using him, like everyone else did. He was helpless when Zero held him like this, and the ex-human had to know it. Had to know he could get Kaname to do anything so long as he didn't take this away... this one spot of warmth and passion in a cold world, this one place he could be vulnerable, even if it meant he had given Zero far too much power over him. Even if it mean he'd given him his soul.
But his soul was safe there. He knew it. He knew it. No one was going to make him doubt Zero or mistrust him again. Not after how disastrous that had nearly been before. If Zero wanted to leave him, Kaname was sure the fault was his own. He knew he wasn't always an easy person to live with.
He tipped his head back against Zero's shoulder with a quiet little moan. His eyes were squeezed shut and his dark lashes were damp. As Zero started to lightly kiss the pureblood's neck, he felt a warm wetness against his cheek where it brushed Kaname's. Turning his head a little, Zero grazed the other's pale cheek with his lips, brushing away the solitary tear and tasting the salt of it on his tongue. Zero's heart throbbed with deep, genuine ache. Kaname's apparent anguish startled him.
"I don't hate you either," he whispered softly as he traced slow kisses and caresses across Kaname's cheek, ear, neck and shoulder, wringing slow, shuddering breaths from the other vampire as he held him close. No matter what Kaname did, Zero couldn't hate him anymore. He could be hurt. He could be furiously angry... but that was different.
"Sometimes you drive me crazy and I want to kill you..." he murmured with a dark wryness that was meant to be amused, and yet also held a little more quiet anguish than he'd intended. He nipped lightly at the sensitive skin at the base of Kaname's throat. The jibe drew a soft, amused snort from the other vampire that indicated the feeling was mutual and the nip drew a sharp, delighted intake of breath. "But I could never hate you," he murmured, voice soft, but serious. One hand slid slowly up Kaname's stomach and chest, coming to rest over the other's heart, which was pounding quite hard now. "Don't you know that by now, Kaname?"
Kaname shuddered again in Zero's arms, the merest touch of the other's hands and mouth making his heart race and his groin ache with fire. No... the fact was, he didn't know that. Sometimes it seemed so hard to tell whether Zero hated him or not. Kaname turned in Zero's grip, wrapping his arms around the other's waist and pulling him close so that the pureblood was sandwiched between the balcony railing and Zero's body. His eyes were so soft... almost desperate as they caressed Zero's face. He didn't expect Zero to ever love him the way he loved the hunter... but if only... if only Zero could care enough to stay with him... to hold him... to fill that place in Kaname's heart that was so desperately desolate... he would do anything.
Zero's breath caught at the look Kaname was fixing on him and his hands slid up, cupping the pureblood's beautiful face between his palms. Nothing could touch him deeper than the fathomless, shifting emotions in those garnet eyes. Suddenly, Zero wondered if he was being honest with himself about why finding out that his lover had been hiding things from him hurt so much. Sure, there were the painful, frightened fears that Kaname was using him; the natural wariness that a lifetime of mistrusting vampires had bred. There was the pain about being kept in the dark about Yuki, whose death was like acid on his soul every time he thought about it. But just maybe there was another fear there as well. The fear that it was a sign Kaname did not consider their relationship all that permanent. That no matter how much he might care, Kaname still ultimately saw Zero as only another game piece to be moved around as it suited him. That deep down, the pureblood was hedging his bets.
And who could blame him? Zero was certainly the joke prize as far as suitable lovers for a pureblood vampire prince went, wasn't he? Looking at Kaname, Zero realized with a sinking heart how very wide the gulf between them really was. He'd never let himself see it like that before, because to admit such was to accept the vampire hierarchy which was part of a society that he despised and rebelled against. But Kaname was part of that society, and the truth when looked at from that point of view was crushing. Illogical fear overrode his logical mind. He was an absolute fool to think that Kaname would be happy in a situation like this, with someone like him, forever. And Kaname practically had forever, didn't he? So much time... Zero couldn't even imagine it. Someday, would Kaname look back on the impetuousness of his youthful ardor with embarrassment and chagrin?
Sure, perhaps the pureblood would always need to have Zero alive and he was a considerate enough person to want the hunter happy and comfortable, but... what would happen when he finally tired of his headstrong, troublesome ex-human lover? What would happen when those beautiful eyes no longer looked at Zero like he was the only person on earth? When the seductive, infuriating pureblood no longer randomly jumped him on his way out of the shower simply because the idea of Zero in there naked had driven him crazy? When the heart that Zero could feel beating so rapidly now, against his own... finally cooled towards him and moved on to other pursuits?
For the first time... Zero realized that when that day came, it would kill him. For the first time, Zero realized that he was so used to letting Kaname take the initiative in their relationship that he'd never stopped to consider what would happen if one day the pureblood lost interest and stopped pursuing him when he pulled away. His heartbeat quickened and his stomach churned.
"Kaname..." Zero whispered softly, desperately needing Kaname to be truthful with him now, to prove that what they had was real, that he wasn't building his life and his hopes on nothing but shifting sand. "Why did the Satos come here today?"
Kaname was lost in Zero's eyes. He blinked as if dazed when the ex-human spoke. A small, cold fist knotted in his stomach. Some part of him knew that now was the time to level with Zero about his quest... but he was afraid. He was afraid to lose the warmth of Zero's arms and of his gaze... afraid that as soon as he told him, and revealed that he'd been hiding it from him all this time... the beautiful violet eyes would be hard and closed to him again and Zero would push him away. It was pathetically weak and cowardly of him, unforgivably so... but he couldn't take the rejection right now. He could tell him later... surely it didn't make a difference at this point if he waited a little longer?
"I told you, it was just some business. I'm sorry Seiji caused so much trouble, I'll make sure he's never allowed on the grounds again if you like..." Kaname murmured, leaning forward and kissing Zero's jaw softly, tracing the curve of his neck, needing to taste and to touch him.
The tight fist squeezing Zero's heart clenched unmercifully and he struggled for air. Kaname's movements made his hands slide down the pureblood's neck to his shoulders. His fingers curled tightly in Kaname's jacket. "Business?" he whispered hoarsely. "What kind of business, Kaname?" Please... please tell me... Please show me I mean something to you... that you trust me. You can spin things however you want to the rest of the world, you can play the games you need to play, I don't care... but don't try to spin me, Kaname. Don't play me.
Kaname buried his face against Zero's neck, kissing and sucking warmly. His chest burned. He hated lying to him... but he couldn't change his story now and he just wanted Zero to drop the matter and forget about it. "It was nothing, Zero, just some new drug research," he murmured distractedly, telling part of the truth.
Zero felt a deep, deep pain in his soul. For a moment, he wasn't even angry. He simply felt lost. He pulled back, his hands sliding up to capture Kaname's face between them again, his fingers sliding into the pureblood's dark tresses and feeling the silky softness of the hair as it curled around his them. His thumbs rested on the sides of Kaname's high cheekbones. Zero stroked the smooth skin with lightly callused fingers. His hands were trembling.
He stared at Kaname, lost in an inner maelstrom that was slowly sucking him under. He traced the familiar face with his gaze. The strong, graceful features, the silky tumble of hair and those gentle, passionate eyes that could be so deadly, but reserved their most caring looks for him. Those eyes he could drown in. Those eyes he would give his life for... those eyes that could look at him and lie to his face with such sincerity that even knowing the truth, Zero was almost ready to believe him anyway. Yagari was right. He was an idiot.
Vampires didn't exactly put a premium on truth, and purebloods were masters of deception by nature. It was not a surprise that Kaname was skilled thus... but it shook Zero. It shook him deeply. How much of his life, of his relationship to Kaname was built on lies? Perhaps not malicious ones, but that didn't matter. Zero hated being a pawn, hated the idea of only being told whatever 'truths' Kaname wanted him to believe or decided were for the best in order to guide Zero along whatever path he desired. Where was the trust in a relationship like that?
Zero felt like someone had torn his insides out with a dull garden claw. This man had become everything to him. He had nothing else... but he didn't need anything else, as long as he had him. These were not thoughts he'd allowed himself to consciously ponder before, but they were true, and the sudden, rushing ache of despair in his gut now told him just how true they were. Somewhere along the way, he'd... he'd...
He'd fallen in love with Kaname Kuran.
The realization shook him to his core. Friends, sure, lovers, yeah... but it was very different for him to admit that he was in love with this dynamic, unreachable pureblood vampire. How ironically stupid was it, that he should only realize it so plainly now, when it was clearer than ever that his Sensei was right and he was setting himself up for a horrible fall?
Yagari was both right and wrong at the same time, though. Zero had made a horrible mistake, but not in trusting Kaname. No... this was not Kaname's fault. Zero knew the fault was all his own. Because he was a moth to a candle who was stupid enough to fancy that he could dance with the flame without being consumed. It was not the fire's fault that it consumed – that was merely its nature. It was not Kaname's fault that he sucked people into the swirling vortex of his orbit, dazzled by his power, his beauty, his authority and... his gentle heart. It was the danger of a pureblood vampire made a thousand times more dangerous because this pureblood had so many genuine qualities that others lacked. Kaname had been nothing but good to him. He'd never pretended that there was anything more than deep, affectionate friendship and caring between them. Kaname owed him nothing, and he owed Kaname everything... and yet... yet it wasn't enough. He wanted so much more. He was a hopeless, selfish bastard, and he couldn't help it.
Zero pulled Kaname closer, his heart throbbing in agony. Closing his eyes to hide his tears, Zero leaned in... and his lips ghosted across Kaname's in a trembling, feather-light kiss.
Kaname froze, hardly daring to breathe. All the times that they had held each other these past weeks and months, all the times they had caressed and made love... in all that time, this, the simplest, most chaste sign of affection, was the one thing that they had not exchanged. Zero had not willingly kissed him on the mouth since the night Yuki had been attacked; now so long ago it felt like it had been in a different lifetime. The only time their lips had met since then, it had been from anger. Kaname had forced Zero, brutally, and he had never truly forgiven himself for that. He had never again tried to kiss Zero either, leaving that for his lover to initiate, should he ever wish to do so. But Zero never had, and Kaname had resigned himself to the acceptance that his loss of control in the library before the flood had ruined that form of intimacy for them for good. Being unable to kiss the one person in the world that he loved more than life was his punishment and his penance.
But now... now Zero's soft, moist lips moved hesitantly against his, pressing closer. Kaname's chest both tightened and expanded at the same time, his whole being lighting with a love and adoration so deep it was painful. He didn't dare move, or breathe... afraid to break whatever beautiful spell was drawing Zero close to him.
Zero caressed Kaname's lips softly. He'd wondered that Kaname never seemed to want to kiss him anymore, but he'd been too embarrassed and shy to initiate the contact himself. That certainly seemed stupid, given all the other things they did, but for some reason this particular expression of affection seemed so personal. He pressed closer, his mouth sealing more firmly to the pureblood's. Yes... yes, it was personal. It meant exactly what Zero had feared it would mean. That he had completely given away his heart. Foolishly. Irrevocably. Eternally.
Kaname's head almost swam as Zero parted his lips softly and he felt the warmth of his lover's tongue probing him. His fingers knotted tightly into partner's shirt as he hesitantly let himself reciprocate, welcoming the ex-human into his mouth and lightly caressing Zero's tongue with his. His heart was thundering in his ears and his knees felt weak. He was glad Zero's body had him pinned to the railing behind him or he was embarrassedly unsure of how steady he would be. Zero's kiss held him in thrall, every fiber in his being thrilling from it and aching for it.
Zero could feel Kaname's complete surrender in his arms, and the confused throbbing in his chest swelled to unimaginable new heights. There was no describing how much he adored Kaname's extreme responsiveness and sensuality. No describing how much he loved the way that it seemed like every time they touched, nothing else in the world existed to the pureblood. He could make Kaname weak from desire... why could he not touch his heart?
The pureblood's eyes had fluttered shut out of reflex when the kiss began, but he opened them again now, not wanting to miss one moment. Zero was radiantly beautiful in the golden morning light. His eyes were closed. Sunlight frosted his pale hair and smooth, strong features. It made his long, dark lashes almost translucent as they brushed his cheeks. It danced and reflected off of the shiny surface of his earrings like little sparks of fire. Although the light made Kaname's eyes burn, it was not the glare of the sun which etched the graceful, breathtaking image of his lover so indelibly into his mind, but rather, the blaze inside his own heart.
They separated after a moment and Kaname had to control himself to keep from panting for breath. He was practically glowing from the delight of their kiss, yet he could tell something was wrong. Zero was still exuding a crazy tangle of emotions... including pain. He ached to take that pain away. He felt like it was his fault in some way, he just didn't know how.
"Zero..." he murmured breathlessly, but Zero shook his head.
"Don't speak," he whispered hoarsely. He couldn't believe anything Kaname said right now, so he just didn't want to hear it, didn't want to focus on the hurt and the pain. He couldn't confront Kaname about his deception at this moment. The hurt was too deep and he was too confused. Instead he found himself just wanting to cling to Kaname and deny the bitter fear that this was an all too temporary situation. Who knew how long he had before Kuran grew tired of him? Before he stopped responding so beautifully and completely to his touches and his adoration? Whatever time was left, Zero did not want to waste.
Zero pressed forward and kissed Kaname again. The open-mouthed kiss was hard and desperate. He sucked Kaname's tongue and plundered his lover's mouth aggressively as if seeking the reassuring truth of the physical connection they shared. As if he could possess all of Kaname at once and in so doing hold onto him forever.
Kaname groaned softly in absolute delight. His hands slid up to tangle urgently in Zero's pale hair, pulling the other boy's head even closer as the pureblood returned the deep, hungry kiss. All hesitancy was gone now. Lips, teeth and tongue teased, caressed and explored, delving sensually into the deep, exotic heat of his lover's mouth. Kaname's chest was heaving and Zero's was starting to as well as they stood tangled together. Kaname's tongue slid slowly across Zero's fangs, tracing their contours. The fangs and gums were very sensitive, erogenous areas for vampires, something that the pureblood used to full effect as he skillfully devoured his lover's mouth. He intentionally pressed hard enough to cut his tongue on the razor sharp edge of Zero's fangs as they kissed, the coppery taste of his blood washing across Zero's senses like a molten spike through his groin.
It was Zero's turn to shudder and groan softly at Kaname's all out sensual assault. The feel of the other's lips and mouth, the intense passion of the kiss and the familiar taste of Kaname's blood made his pulse pound in his ears and his stomach knot harshly, fiery arousal thrumming through him with every beat of his heart. No one could make his heart race, could make his very blood turn to sheer, needy fire like this man. No one could enslave his soul and make every fiber of his being yearn only for one kiss, one touch, one other soul, like this man could.
Zero growled hungrily, his hands sliding to Kaname's hips. In a swift movement he'd pushed Kaname back harder against the thick stone balustrade behind him, lifting the pureblood a little so he was perched half sitting on the edge of the wide railing with Zero standing between his thighs. Zero's eyes were now tinged with red and Kaname's body shuddered as their hips rubbed together, the hardness of their mutual arousal nearly hazing out his senses completely as they pressed against one another. Kaname loved it when Zero's gaze became this intense, when he looked so hungry for the pureblood it was like the madness... but so much more passionate and incredibly erotic.
I love you, Zero. The words that would completely freak the other boy out and were too dangerous to ever say remained unspoken, but they echoed silently in the pureblood's mind.
Kaname bit Zero's tongue sharply, then his lip, fangs sliding sensually through flesh, savoring his lover's blood, goading on the delightfully wild flicker in the ex-human's red-tinged eyes as his hands ran up and down the other's back, claw-like fingernails suddenly sharp enough to cut right through the shirt Zero was wearing and draw blood, the light cuts mere scratches only compared with what those claws were capable of doing. Kaname wasn't trying to hurt him, quite the opposite in fact, he was struggling for control, but he just couldn't help himself. He was emotionally off balance and vulnerable, Zero was driving him crazy and his vampire predilections were surging.
Zero groaned sharply in pain and pleasure. He was unaccountably turned on by the raw sting of Kaname's fangs and his claws. It should hurt, he should be scared or upset... but he wasn't. He was far too aroused and the vampire darkness in him that was already riding at the surface of his torn-up feelings surged to the fore. This time he did not fight them.
He panted harshly for breath, feeling like he was going to explode already as he pushed against his lover's hard body, one hand sliding down to catch Kaname's knee and pull it up his hip, molding the pureblood against him. He knew Kaname well enough by now to subconsciously know his moods, his signals and his needs. Whether he was aware of it or not, Zero perceived that Kaname was troubled in mind and heart and wanted to forget for a while. The pureblood was egging Zero, teasing him, pushing him, but he was making no move to claim control of the situation, which meant Kaname wanted to be taken... and he obviously wanted to play rough. These were things Zero knew on some instinctual level that did not actually cross his conscious his mind. Perhaps their bond made both of them sensitive to what the other needed and wanted, or perhaps it was merely the unlikely, uniquely perfect blending of their natures and desires.
Right now all that was playing in Zero's mind, however, was the deep, fevered heat of desire that his pureblood lover evoked in him, twined with the urgent, hopeless frustration of unrequited love and broken trust. Maybe this was all he had, all he would ever have of Kaname. Perhaps this was as close as he would ever be allowed to come to touching the untouchable and attaining the unobtainable. The intense yearning to take the gorgeously seductive vampire as hard as possible throbbed through the hunter's veins, pulsing with the desire to make love to Kaname until he couldn't take anymore.
Kaname could see that intention written in his lover's eyes, and the delighted ache in his stomach and groin was almost painful in its intensity. He wanted it. He wanted what those beautifully feral eyes promised him. Wanted it so much he could hardly breathe. He knew that in so many ways in their life together, he was always the one in control and Zero felt, perhaps not unjustifiably so, that in the grand scheme of things he was powerless in the pureblood's shadow. When it was just the two of them, however, all of that fell away. Let me be yours... let me show you how much I love you, even if you'll never understand.
Zero returned Kaname's delightfully savage kiss, biting the pureblood's tongue and lips sensually, repeatedly, mauling them remorselessly since they healed almost immediately from one bite to the next. Zero could be a lot rougher with Kaname than Kaname could be with him; the pureblood's body could simply take more, and was apparently wired to be far more receptive to pleasurable pain. He did not fight the urges this time as he pulled Kaname almost harshly against him, his eyes beginning to bottom out into immeasurable hunger.
Kaname whimpered and groaned in delighted agony and his finger nails dug harshly into Zero's shoulder blades again as the hunter practically tore the pureblood's shirt and jacket off his body, casting them aside on the floor and not caring how much he ripped them in the process. Zero needed to feel Kaname's skin, needed to touch him, to inhale him, to taste him, to breathe and feel him in every way possible. His hands roved the newly naked skin as hungrily as his mouth, mapping the strong, perfect lines of the pureblood's slim but muscular chest and back. Zero's mouth glided down to Kaname's neck – licking, kissing, teasing and finally biting – drawing the other's blood slowly but demandingly. At the same time, his fingers slid to the catch of Kaname's trousers, starting to undo them.
Kaname's dark head fell back in an absolute whirl of sheer, dizzy arousal, giving Zero better access to his neck. The rising sun seemed unmercifully hot on his naked skin, adding to the feverish sensation of Zero's caresses. There was no comparison to the feeling of Zero drinking his blood, his hands touching him everywhere... he was completely enslaved and he didn't even care.
The faint sound of voices below caught at the pureblood's sharp hearing and his body tensed up as a small sliver of reason returned and he realized how very exposed they were here.
"Where have you been? It's roasting out here, we should have left a half hour ago," Diachi Sato's cool, irritated voice floated faintly to them from the garden path below. "You could have at least pretended to be interested in your own family's business affairs."
"The family doesn't need me, Diachi, it has you..." Seiji's careless voice responded with a hint of underlying bitterness.
The soft rustle of fabric told keen ears that Diachi had grabbed his brother's arm and probably spun him around to face him. "Don't start that with me. They'd take you seriously if you'd ever show the least inclination towards anything besides running up exorbitant debts..."
Kaname felt his stomach knot and a hot, panicky flush burn his skin as the two visiting purebloods stopped to argue on the path almost directly below his balcony. He pushed at Zero's chest, trying to get off the ledge he was perched so prominently upon. They were a good four stories off the ground up here, but vampire eyes were keen. If either of the two Satos chanced to look up, they would get a nice clear view of Kaname sitting half naked on his own balcony rail, twined intimately around the ex-human who held him pinned there and was obviously feeding on him. That would not do. It would be a complete disaster for another pureblood to see him like this, especially those two. Diachi already knew too much about him and disapproved of this relationship, and he could trust Seiji to blast any compromising gossip to the world as a whole just because he felt like it.
"Zero... inside... let's continue inside..." he murmured breathlessly, unable to keep from leaning forward and tracing his lips along the other's jaw.
Zero didn't budge. He grabbed Kaname's hips roughly and pushed him back even more on the railing, further exposing him and his half naked state. Zero glanced down over Kaname's shoulder to the ground below. He could see the two purebloods arguing heatedly in the shade of the tree-lined path, with a female noble standing quietly a few paces away, eyes downcast as if she was used to pretending not to notice the brothers' quarrels. None of them had noticed the pair on the balcony ye. The charms that Aido and Zero had set around Kaname's rooms and especially on his balcony to protect his privacy saw to that. They acted as a barrier to keep sounds and scents from within muted and muffled to the outside world, while allowing those from without to penetrate in, unless Kaname closed the sound proofed balcony doors so he could have quiet. That and the bracelets they were both wearing were the only reason that the three vampires below hadn't already picked up on the smell of Kaname's blood.
The Satos seemed quite absorbed in their own troubles and it was likely they would remain that way unless something happened to draw their attention thither. Zero dismissed them, his gaze and attention keenly focusing back in on Kaname and how delightfully exciting it was to have the pureblood at a disadvantage for a change.
"No... I like it here..." he murmured back with a wickedly playful grin as he pushed Kaname's pants down his hips to the railing, exposing the graceful curve of his lower back and the top of his backside.
Kaname looked somewhere between angry, aroused and panicked. It was an intoxicating combination, Zero thought. Was it wicked of him, to savor the rare sight of uncertainty and apprehension on his lover's face? Was it wicked of him to delight in it as proof that beneath the perfect exterior, Kaname was capable of being as 'human' as he was? That he was not making love to an unreachable being whom he could never hope to truly fathom or connect with? Well then, perhaps he was wicked. Being with Kaname had made him so. After all, it wasn't as if the pureblood didn't routinely embarrass him in a million little ways...
"Zero!" Kaname hissed urgently but softly through his teeth in protest. He was through playing and about to truly push the other off him.
Zero didn't give him the chance. He slid Kaname's aching erection free from his disheveled clothing and gripped it firmly in his fist, pumping the swollen flesh in a couple of long, slow strokes. Predictably, Kaname completely forgot what he was doing for a moment as his eyes glazed in helpless pleasure and he shuddered in Zero's grasp. Zero scratched his thumbnail swiftly up the side of the shaft as he held it and Kaname's head snapped back. The pureblood bit his lower lip hard enough to draw blood to keep from crying out at the quakes of sheer pleasure chasing through him. He was keenly aware of the people below and of the fact that Zero knew how to control him far too well.
"They won't notice us if you stay very, very quiet..." Zero murmured with a dark, predatory grin as he scratched his thumbnail across the sensitive head of Kaname's heavy, swollen flesh, making it almost impossible for Kaname to stay anything like quiet.
Yet the pureblood managed, his head snapping forward, face pressing against the side of Zero's neck, desperately muffling any outcry against the other's skin. His pale cheeks were flaming with embarrassment at this situation and with the heat of the sun flooding the balcony. By now, it felt like it was literally trying to scorch his exposed skin. Usually, Kaname was all right in the sunlight. He didn't like it, it was painful to his eyes and his senses, but his body was naturally strong. So long as he was wearing long sleeves and long pants, he could endure being out all day if he absolutely had to... providing there was plenty of shade to retreat to when the sun became too much. Exposed like he was now, however, he was definitely feeling it.
"Are you ashamed of me, Kaname?" Zero whispered, licking and kissing his lover's neck relentlessly as he pleasured him, his other hand tugging at Kaname's pants, working them free from beneath his hips and stripping them away, leaving his lover perched completely naked on the railing. Maybe Zero was still feeling a little upset and a trifle vindictive. His voice trembled with a faint ache against the delicious skin, however. "Am I nothing but your dirty little secret?"
Kaname's head came up. His eyes flickered with unreadable emotion and Zero couldn't help soaking up the incredible, desirable effect of the flush on his face.
"No..." the pureblood whispered quickly, his voice hoarse. He didn't want Zero to think such a thing. "No, it's not that..."
"Then you won't mind where I make love to you..." Zero murmured, spreading Kaname's thighs with his hips as his fingers slid swiftly to the fly of his own trousers.
Kaname was just going to kill him for this later. Zero knew payback was going to be a bitch once the pureblood's head wasn't so cloudy with need and arousal. But whatever happened would be totally worth the priceless way Kaname's eyes widened in shock as he realized Zero intended to take him right there on the balcony rail, in full view of anyone who wanted to look up and see.
"Zero!" again the hissed, panicked little whisper that sent pure, golden fire throbbing mercilessly through Zero's veins. He hadn't felt quite this intensely aroused in a long time and the dark elixir of it was tearing him to delightful shreds inside. Kaname craned his neck, trying to look down and see where Diachi and Seiji were and what they were doing. He could easily have already been off this balcony edge any time he wanted, he knew that. Zero was strong and capable of being quite dangerous, but if Kaname so chose, he could have thrown him across the balcony already with a mere thought. Yet as embarrassed and outraged as he was... the delightful, wicked fear of getting caught, of the fact that Zero was doing this to him, that beautifully feral look in his lovers eyes... it was all so incredibly exotic that Kaname could not find the desire to resist. He felt like Zero was going to make him come just by looking at him, just by holding him here.
Turning his gaze away from Zero was a mistake, however, because Kaname was unprepared for the feeling of Zero's hot mouth latching onto one of his pale nipples as Zero leaned him further back over the drop off below, his fangs teasing the sensitive skin lightly and then biting down and drawing blood. Kaname almost couldn't stifle his yelp in time and nearly choked on it, his heart hammering so hard it made his head swim.
"Maybe I want them to see..." Zero murmured darkly as he positioned himself between Kaname's legs, supporting the pureblood's back with one hand and stroking his inner thighs torturously with the other. "Everyone knows I belong to you – I'm your project, your protégé, the stray mutt you took in and made your pet... maybe I want them to know you belong to me too. You do, don't you, Kaname?" The last, soft question wasn't a taunt like the rest. It was quiet and desperate, almost a plea.
Belong to you? Only my entire body, heart and soul, Zero... Kaname closed his eyes, burying his face against Zero's shoulder in surrender as the other leaned over him, but he didn't answer. Wasn't it answer enough that he was submitting to this? That he was letting Zero completely humiliate him and risk irreparable scandal... that... that he was enjoying it so intensely he felt like his heart was going to stop any moment?
Kaname felt the hot, firm shape of Zero's arousal slide against his thigh and then slip up against his own. He grabbed Zero's shoulders again, fingers digging ruthlessly through the ruined shirt and into flesh as the fire created by the incredible, slick friction of their bodies rubbing together completely overrode his mind and senses. He was going to die. You couldn't be this incredibly aroused and live, there had to be some physical law of nature that would prevent it. Oh God...
Kaname was too out of it in a sea of pleasure to notice that Zero was deeply hurt by the lack of reply to his question. The hunter knew Kaname wanted him, even needed him, but right now, that wasn't enough to combat the hurt of his lover's lies, of Seiji's smirking accusations and Yagari's biting disdain and rejection.
Zero's jaw set darkly as his fingers dug into the soft flesh of Kaname's thigh, pulling it higher up his side as he leaned over the pureblood, practically laying him down on the thick balustrade. He refused to let the hurt bite too deep, or at least he tried to. Kaname could keep things in their proper context, why couldn't he?
Anger and hurt fueled the intense arousal pounding through the young hunter, taking it to entirely new heights as his grip on Kaname tightened and he rocked his hips hard, penetrating the other in a short, brutal motion. Kaname was very aroused, but he wasn't prepared for proper penetration. Zero gasped at the unbelievable sensation. Kaname's body was unbelievably tight and hot as it resisted the intrusion automatically. Zero didn't bother giving him a chance to adjust, not this time. He rocked his hips hard, almost viciously, forcing his way past the protesting muscles, forcing Kaname's body to accept him deeper and deeper until he was buried to the hilt. Jerking back out, he thrust in again, and again.
It was all Kaname could do not to scream when Zero unexpectedly penetrated him. He clawed at Zero's back, desperately burying his face against his lover's neck and keening softly in short, desperate gasps as Zero gave him no time to adjust or even try to relax, screwing him ruthlessly into the unyielding stone below. It hurt badly, there was no denying that. He wasn't prepared and Zero was tearing him unmercifully. But it was also the most darkly erotic sensation he'd ever experienced. Kaname clung to Zero, head spinning. He wouldn't have asked him to stop for the world.
Zero's fangs were aroused. His eyes were deeply red and shot through with black. The ex-human was vamping out to an extent that Kaname had never seen him do before, and the pureblood was completely captivated. It appealed to the wild, darker side of Kaname's nature, which had been begging for attention for quite some time now.
Mindful of the need to be quiet, the pureblood tried to muffle his gasp and groans against his lover's skin. Zero jerked completely out of him and then thrust all the way back in, striking home against the deepest and most sensitive area inside the pureblood. Kaname bit down hard on Zero's neck, fangs penetrating his flesh with the satisfying sensation of biting into a crisp, ripe apple. It was the only way to stifle his outcry of agonized pleasure. The taste of Zero's blood exploding into his senses at the same moment tripled the dizzying bliss sparking through him.
Kaname was so aroused that physical hurt was quickly taking on a completely different hue that was impossible to explain in human terms. His system was flooded with vampiric endorphins that stimulated the pleasure centers of his brain, flipping an internal chemical switch which translated pain signals into pleasure signals and pleasure signals into near orgasmic ecstasy. It took a certain degree of brutal stimulation and sensory input to reach that point, but once it was achieved every sensation became a pleasurable one. The rougher Zero was, the better it felt. Kaname couldn't stop himself from sucking his lover's blood, releasing, and then biting down again on the tempting, pale flesh as he felt Zero's muscles knot and strain under his mouth, the muscular body pressing hard against his own.
Zero groaned harshly at the sharp sting of Kaname's fangs mauling his neck, the intense, searing sensation goading him to slam his hips harder and harder into the willing body pinned to the railing. The thought that a few floors below, three other vampires were blissfully unaware of the activities above them sent extra, unexpected heat boiling through his veins. Normally, Zero would have been more mortified than Kaname by the thought of someone seeing them. But just at the moment, he wasn't feeling at all normal. Zero's mouth closed on Kaname's neck again. He sucked urgently before biting down with equal ferver and the soul shattering experience of mutual blood sharing between bonded lovers heightened both their senses to fever pitch.
Kaname arched to meet the ex-human's rapid thrusts eagerly, their hips moving together more easily now as the pureblood's body gave for him. Kaname could feel his control slipping swiftly away, but he wasn't ready to let it. The game was getting too dangerous. He could feel the first fingers of a shattering climax rapidly building and pooling inside him. There was no way he was going to be able to weather it in silence. With a rush of super human power, Kaname had them both off the railing before Zero was quite aware of what was happening. Much as he hated to move and break the intense heat of the moment, they couldn't finish this here. They really needed to go inside.
Kissing and caressing Zero like one possessed, Kaname shredded the shirt the ex-human was wearing in a matter of moments, hands exploring hungrily as he practically dragged the boy towards the open door leading in to the bedroom.
Much to Kaname's surprise, Zero wrenched free before they got there, pushing Kaname away from him. Kaname looked at him in blank shock. His body was on fire, he needed Zero like he needed air to breath, and looking at Zero he could tell he was just as aroused. He reached for him but Zero took another pace back, his chest heaving. He raised his hands in warning. The red in his eyes had dulled a little. The non-vampire side of Zero's nature was struggling to reassert itself, but he was brutally confused. Yagari's words, Seiji's words, his own jumbled feelings and fears, the strange, unbearable ache of being lied to and used... it was all mingling uneasily with his darkly throbbing desire and Zero was reeling.
