Author's Notes: I don't know if this will be the last chapter before Christmas, but if it is, let me just wish everyone the happiest of holidays, whichever one you might celebrate. Thank you for all your kind words and support, especially my beta, PhDelicious, and my chat buddies, who I miss. Take care, and enjoy!
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The Last Embrace
by Kristen Elizabeth
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April 2007
"Where to, mister?"
It took Grissom's mind a few seconds to register the question the cab driver posed to him, and another few seconds for his mouth to put together a response. In retrospect, drinking all of his leftover beer while he was packing the last of his things probably wasn't the smartest of ideas. He had hoped it would make his departure smoother by keeping him from really dwelling on all the reasons why he was leaving.
But his plan had backfired. Instead of blurring his mind enough so that he would forget what else was happening that day, the alcohol had only heightened his awareness of it, making it impossible for him to think about anything else.
"Berkshire Gardens." He mumbled off the name he'd heard a hundred times around the lab in the preceding weeks.
His eyes closed as the cab started off. He should have finished off the whiskey too, instead of pouring it down the drain.
There was not a single good reason why he should make an appearance at Sara and Nick's wedding, unless you counted the fact that he had been invited.
Mr. Nicholas Stokes and Ms. Sara Sidle request the honor of your presence at their marriage…
He hadn't RSVPed. He'd gotten drunk and lit the invitation on fire.
In his darkest moments, he wondered if she'd sent the embossed card with the sole purpose of cutting him clean to the bone. But in his moments of clarity, he remembered that Sara was many things, but cold-hearted wasn't one of them.
She deserved a goodbye, some closure to their relationship. He owed her so much more, but this was one last thing he could do for her.
Grissom glanced at the clock on the cab's dashboard. The ceremony was over. Sara was married to Nick now. Soon she would be giving birth to his baby. And he would be boarding a plane in a few hours that would take him to a new life, halfway across the country.
His whole world was upside down, and it was all he could do to hang on for the ride.
The cab pulled up to the Gardens, and Grissom dug out a fifty dollar bill from his wallet. "I won't be long," he said. "Keep the meter running."
As he came into the open air garden, he could hear the string quartet Sara had complained to Catherine about in the break room; it had been Nick's mother's idea, not hers. Regardless, he couldn't help but enjoy the music. He was a sucker for Beethoven.
Grissom slipped into the festivities unnoticed, and began looking for a woman in white. But the only white he could see was from the flower arrangements. They, too, were of Nick's mother's choosing, if he remembered correctly.
He noticed a dense flock of women, and as several of them shifted places, Grissom caught a glimpse of her. Soft curls framed her face. She was smiling, but even from a distance, he knew it was forced. He began to move towards her, but something held him back.
Blinking, he registered what was stopping him. Warrick removed his hand from Grissom's shoulder, and folded his arms over his tuxedo. "You're a little late, Gris." He sniffed the air. "And a little drunk."
"I was invited." He swallowed heavily. "I just want to say goodbye."
"You could have done that at the party we threw for you. You know…the one you didn't show up for?"
"No cake in the breakroom, Warrick."
"Yeah. I remember." Warrick shook his head. "I'll get Nick."
The beer made him scowl more than he really wanted to at that. "I don't want to talk to Nick. Just Sara."
"That's not my call, man."
"It's not Nick's either," Grissom snapped. "She married him; she didn't become his property."
With less-than-friendly encouragement, Warrick guided him back to the entrance, and to his dismay, he lost sight of Sara. Lowering his voice, his former CSI said, "Whatever's going on with you, you better get over it quick. This is my friend's wedding day. And you're not gonna ruin it. You had your shot with her. Didn't you?" Looking into Grissom's eyes, something made him pause for a moment. "Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back"
It seemed like he waited forever, but eventually Nick came around the corner. His tux was as impeccable as his best man's. He'd let his hair grow out a bit for the wedding, claiming that he didn't want his kids to wonder who was the bald guy with their mom in the wedding photos. He had his hands casually buried in his pockets as he walked. And he looked happy.
Grissom understood that happiness. It came from being the man Sara Sidle loved. He just hadn't appreciated that it was a part of his life until it was gone.
"Gris," Nick greeted him. "Welcome. Can I get you something to eat or drink?"
Over the many long weeks since Sara had announced her pregnancy and her engagement, Grissom had tried very hard not to fester hatred in his heart for this man. He was a pupil, a colleague, even a friend. He hadn't tricked Sara into bed; she had gone willingly. And he hadn't turned his back on either her or the child they'd created together. He was doing everything Grissom hadn't been able to. He was living the life Grissom had thrown away.
That, in and of itself, made it almost impossible for Grissom to look at him anymore.
"I want to see her."
Silence stretched between them for a few long moments, save for the sounds of the reception, the cadence of the violin and the tinkle of laughter. "I wish she wanted to see you, too." The look Grissom gave him prompted Nick to go on. "There's things you two still need to say to each other, I think. But it's her day. And if she doesn't want to see you…I gotta ask you to leave."
"She invited me."
Nick shook his head. "I invited you."
His mind was still clouded with beer. It was the only explanation for his behavior. "I don't believe you," Grissom spat out. "She knows I'm leaving. She wouldn't let me go without saying goodbye." He jabbed a finger at Sara's husband. "Did you even tell her I'm here? Does she even know?"
"I wouldn't start my marriage out on a lie."
"Are you sure she would say the same thing, Nicky?"
"Gris…don't do this. Don't leave like this." Nick's eyes pleaded with him, but he wasn't thinking clearly enough to recognize the look until the younger man reached out and grasped his arm. "You have every right to be upset. But trust me…" Their stares met, and Nick's grip tightened a bit, reassuringly. "I'll take care of her."
For a second, his words broke through Grissom's intoxication. He would later wish that he could have said something to Nick in that moment, given him some sort of pardon, although he'd committed no sin, or at least said his own goodbyes to the man he would never speak to again.
But all he did was shake off Nick's hand with a strangled snarl. "It's all your fault."
Nick's Adam's apple bobbed as he drew back. "Good luck in Tennessee," he said quietly. "You'll be missed." With that, he turned around and walked back to his reception. Back to his bride.
The cab was still waiting for him when he finally returned. Sliding into the backseat, Grissom took one last look at the gardens before he addressed the driver. "McCarran," he ordered. "As quickly as possible, please."
"Eager to get out of Vegas?" the man asked.
He shook his head against the seat. "Here…there. It doesn't really matter anymore."
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Sara was surprised when she had to excuse herself from an autopsy in order to find a restroom. Her morning sickness, if it could even be called that due to its tendency to appear at all hours of the day, had mostly passed after the first trimester. Now, early in the third, it was nothing short of rudely inconvenient.
Fortunately she had the good sense to keep some crackers in the break room. With her stomach now empty, she retrieved them, and together with some seltzer water, the nausea began to fade.
Warrick came looking for her after Dr. Robbins was done outlining their victim's cause of death. He poured himself a cup of coffee…which she would have killed for…and sat down next to her on the couch.
"I'm fine," she told him before he could ask.
He sipped and nodded. "I know."
"This just one of those times when I wish the human gestation period more closely resembled the field mice's." Sara rubbed a hand over her belly. "I'm sorry I bailed on you back there."
"Come on, girl. Do you really think I'm here to bust on you for that?"
She lowered her chin and smiled. "No."
"Bailed on me…please," Warrick scoffed. "You could give birth any second."
"Feels like it, but there's still a lot of time left." Sara glanced at him. "You and I haven't really talked about…any of this. Have we?"
"Well." He took another sip. "You've been busy."
A blush she couldn't quite explain crept over her cheeks. He didn't even have to elaborate, and she knew exactly what, or more specifically who, he was talking about.
They had decided to be just as subtle about their rediscovered relationship as they had been the first time around. The only difference now was that she was the one who wanted their secret kept, and he wanted run out and tell everyone. Although she had to wonder if the discretion she thought they were exercising was nothing more than an illusion. If Warrick knew, who else had figured it out?
She told herself that there were reasons why they had to maintain that discretion. But hadn't Grissom had his own reasons two years earlier?
"I've been…" Sara swallowed. The words were sitting in her throat. Why was it so hard to give breath to everything her heart so freely felt?
Because the man sitting next to her represented the man she'd buried only months earlier. Nick's family would speak from their own hearts about Nick; as his best friend, Warrick would actually speak for Nick.
She tried again. "I've been seeing someone." It was a partial truth, and the name she didn't say lingered between them as clearly as if she'd actually spoken it.
Warrick nodded again. "Yeah."
"I didn't mean for it to happen," she said in a great rush, as if ridding her chest of a long-sustained weight. "Or maybe I did." He waited for her to go on which she did after a long, painful minute passed. "I've betrayed him." His face remained a blank slate as he drank his coffee. "He hasn't even been…gone a year and I'm…" She bit her lip. "…with someone else." Her vision blurred over with hot tears. "What the hell am I doing?" She looked at him. "Warrick?"
"Are you asking me? What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know."
"Do you want me to say it's okay? Give you permission?"
"I don't know!"
Warrick's expression softened. "Sara…" He reached for her hand. "I'm not Nick. I think you need me to speak for him or something. But I can't do that."
Sara looked at him with wet eyes. "Would he hate me?"
"Stop. Remember Nick…and then think about what you just asked."
She nodded slowly. "He would want me to be happy."
"Damn straight." Warrick paused. "But Sara…he'd also want me to keep you from getting hurt again."
"I won't get hurt again," she said a little too quickly. "I won't. Really. Everything's changed now."
"Sure," he conceded. "Just playing devil's advocate here though…changed doesn't always mean different."
There was something unsettling about the way he said this. It was hard enough dealing with the fact that he'd figured out she was sleeping with Grissom. But he was talking about her things in her life with more clarity than she possessed. And she had to ask, "Warrick, just how much do you know? Everything?"
He took a moment to reply. "I know what Nick knew."
"And what was that?"
Warrick pulled his hand away from hers. "Well…he knew Cassie wasn't his." He gave her a second to process this in shocked silence. "He asked me to run a DNA test a few months before he died. When it didn't match him…there was really only one other candidate."
She closed her eyes. It was worse than she could have imagined. "That's around the time Grissom said Nick called him in Tennessee." Opening them again, she asked, "Was he going to tell him?"
"I didn't know he made that call. If I had to guess though, I'd say…he wanted Grissom to know the truth. And to do with that information what he would. Even if that meant losing you, which was pretty much his worst nightmare."
Her tears were unstoppable now. "He was afraid of losing me?"
"Sara…he knew that he never really had you."
He spoke without malice or accusation, so it must have been the plain and simple truth behind the words that sliced her heart open.
There was only one truth with which she could stifle her own guilt. "He didn't die unloved," she whispered.
"Then…" Warrick put his arm around her shoulders. "…that's all that matters."
Sara tried to relax against him. Her stomach still rolled and churned, although it had little to do with the baby now.
"Things really are going to be different this time," she said out loud a few minutes later. "They have to be." A frightening thought came to her. "Or else…I'm my mother."
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To Be Continued
