Chapter 28- Coping

It had been two days since they had left the City of Hidden Monsters, but Magnus remained there with Seraphina and had forced Alec to go home. Alec didn't want to leave him, but Magnus insisted that he did, because he didn't know how long it would take to heal Seraphina. Alec decided to stay at the institute while Magnus was away, rather than going to his apartment and waiting for him there. He needed to be there for Jace.

He was lying on his bed when a knock came at his door.

"I'm trying to relax here, come back in about half an hour," Alec called,

"It's Jace," Jace said in a low miserable voice.

Since they had got back, Jace hadn't spoken to anyone or left his room, not even for food. They had all been worried about him and when they knocked on his door, they either got no answer but heard him grieving or he'd tell them to go away and throw something at the door.

Alec walked to the door and put a black cardigan on to cover up his chest before opening the door. When he saw Jace, his heart cracked a little. Around Jace's eyes were not only dark circles, probably from his lack of sleep, but they were also red from an overdose of crying. His hair was a complete mess and he wore the same black jumper and jeans that he changed into when they had got back. He looked colourless, empty and as if he was about to collapse onto the floor.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked him,

"What do you think?" Jace grumbled, "I just wanted to know if there was any news on Seraphina,"

"Magnus told me yesterday morning that she's still unconscious, but she's almost fully healed."

Jace nodded as he sniffed and turned away from the door, yet he didn't walk away.

"Jace, do you wanna come in and talk?" Alec put his hand on his shoulder.

Jace nodded, followed Alec into the bedroom, closed the door and then fell onto the bed. Alec knew he had spent the whole time in his room having a breakdown and mourning, but what struck him was how much he looked like he was ready to give up on life. Jace sat on the bed with his back against the headboard, his knees brought up to his chest and his arms around his legs. He had never looked so fragile before. Alec was always the one to protect him and it hurt to know that he couldn't protect him from the heart ache and agony that he was feeling.

"How are you feeling?" Alec slowly sat on the edge of the bed; not too close to Jace,

"Horrible. I haven't slept, because I know that I'll just see Clary's death in my nightmares and if I do sleep, it's for only ten minutes and then I wake up crying. It's like someone has ripped my heart out and is repeatedly stabbing it, but they've kept me alive so that I can feel the pain and it's becoming unbearable, Alec," Jace held back his tears as he talked, "I wake up and automatically start thinking about how maybe if I died, I would be able to see Clary again,"

"Don't you ever say something like that again," Alec demanded, "Jace, I know you're going through the torment of hell, but do you really think ending your life would make things better?"

"Maybe," Jace looked down.

It pained Alec to hear Jace even utter the word maybe to his question. Jace was his brother, he had already lost one and he didn't think he could cope with losing another.

"Jace, you are one of the most important things in my life, seeing you like this is killing me and I know it would hurt Clary too. You and I both know that Clary would hate seeing you like this; she'd want you to stay strong for her and to make her proud," Alec spoke softly.

Jace looked up at him and Alec saw that there were tears starting to fall down his face. As much as Jace tried to hold it in, it was obvious to Alec that he just couldn't and what he had said was something Jace had been longing to hear. Alec shuffled closer to Jace, put his arm around him and pulled him into him. He could feel Jace shake as he cried into his shoulder.

"I just miss her so much," Jace cried,

"I know. We all do."

After Alec and Jace talked, they went to the kitchen and ate some left over pizza they found in the fridge. As they joked around on the counters, Jocelyn came in with Isabelle. Jocelyn was gripping onto a small wooden box.

"I'm glad to see you're feeling a bit better," Jocelyn smiled,

"Thanks, it's nice to see you," Jace said before eating a slice of pizza,

"I brought you something," Jocelyn put the wooden box on the counter beside him.

The box looked plain and freshly varnished, but when Jace opened it, Alec knew it was something special. Inside, Alec saw pictures of Jace and Clary along with some of her belongings and the witchlight Jace had gotten her for her birthday when they first met. He put his hand on Jace's shoulder, knowing that Jace would be fighting the urge to cry.

"I found it while going through her room," Jocelyn said,

"Thank you so much," Jace choked back his tears,

"Are you alright?" Alec whispered in his ear,

"I will be," Jace assured him.

Alec smiled. He was happy that Jace was feeling better than he did in the morning, but he wasn't sure if it was just a mask he was wearing or if it was genuine. Either way, it was nice to see a smile on his face.

"Oh and Magnus is back," Isabelle said as she walked over to them a stole a slice of pizza,

"Since when?" Alec asked,

"I saw him on my way back from Simon's this afternoon,"

"And you're telling me now?"

"I just got in, you idiot, it's not like I'm telepathic."

Alec jumped off the counter, went to his room and got changed. When he opened his bedroom door, Jace was there waiting for him. His hair was pushed back and looked presentable and he had changed into a thin oversized black jumper and black jeans.

"I'm coming with you by the way," Jace said as they walked down the corridor,

"I know," Alec replied.

When they got to Magnus's, Alec used his key to get in rather than knocking and when they got in, Magnus was sitting on the couch. As Alec closed the door, Magnus stood up and turned to him. He looked weak and pale, almost like when he was in the cage in the City of Hidden Monsters, but there was a smile on his face. Alec was overjoyed to see Magnus; he didn't think two days away from him would have such a massive effect.

"I've missed you," Magnus stood in front of Alec,

"I've missed you too," Alec smiled as he looked from Magnus's eyes to his lips.

Jace cleared his throat as if to yell loud and clear that he felt uncomfortable and was still in the room, if they hadn't noticed.

"How are you feeling, Jace?" Magnus asked with a sincere voice,

"I could be better. Is,"

"Seraphina is here," Magnus interrupted, "but she doesn't want to see you."